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About Myioko

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  • Birthday 06/29/1997

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    United States
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  1. I think the question is really interesting, so this is just my current sense of what the ego is, but I don’t know how right this is or what the exact meaning of ego is...(I’m more like contemplating/rambling to myself) Right now I view the word ego as two different meanings, 1. The relationship between ‘I’ vs ‘other’, which (hopefully) grows and matures as we age, and leads more and more towards interconnectedness but at the same time having a healthy sense of self, not having the need to overtake or overshare. Looking back at my life, my overall sense of self and the structure in which I view the world has grown significantly every 5 years. The part of ‘wanting to get rid of’ the ego is the childish part of the ego, the part that can’t listen to constructive critiques, cries if you don’t get that materialistic thing you want, gets defensive and stubborn for too long. This part of the ego I don’t want to necessarily kill, but to grow out of 2. The preferences and individualism of the ego, which I feel like are something outside of the ego, and maybe I’m wrong here...because people often call this the ego too. Is there a separate word for this, other than ego? On one hand yes, a lot of personality and preferences are formed during the first years of our life, from biology and surroundings and whatever. I think that the ego is tied in with individual preference, but that there is a part that isn’t, that simply is there to choose what your own preferences are in a non judgmental way, which is freed when 1. part of the ego is maturing and widening its horizons. Liking things simply for liking it. My ego could get wounded if someone said they hated a song I was listening too, but my preference would never change. The more I deconstruct and look at how past me was affected by my own culture and upbringing, the more I can pick and choose what I like for myself and develop new and enhanced/honed/distinguishing ways. With my own preferences and personality: Unlike point #1, where I really grow out and even throw away bits of my ego and beliefs, #2 is more like stacking up and building my likes and dislikes. I never went through an awkward emo phase, so pretty much all my past interests in life I still stand by, but I’ve just grown upward from them. Me at 5 years old was a master at knowing likes and dislikes that came naturally to me. When I was 15 my ego was much more rigid and I showed a sliver of my authentic self. If my potential authentic personality is a large piece of paper, my personality then was only a sliver of light shining on that paper, I was too rigid and afraid to show anymore of myself than that, even to myself so I was both myself yet very limited. So exploring more of yourself, shining light on more parts of that ‘paper’ is looking for more of that personality. I think #2 part of the ego, the exploration and organization of preferences, is more like dancing or trying on costumes you like or youve created. I guess that these costumes aren’t literally you but more of an expression of being...and is a slow growing process (if too quick a growth there isn’t mastery, learning, honing down properly and its easy to get overwhelmed with the infinite possibilities of choices), and theres not such a need to identify yourself with those liked and dislikes. It’s ok to love the smell of bread and not explain why you love it. I think I agree that we aren’t are likes and dislikes at a fundamental level, but I’m not like 100% sure. And the #1 part of the ego, if hurt/embarrassed/activated, can become self conscious while trying on different costumes of the self, and ruin that dance of self exploration/healthy ego building I don’t know if that makes sense but I’m too lazy to edit
  2. Advice I would give my younger self - (ok, younger me from just last week) is that I really. Shouldn't. Fucking. Create stuff for the sake of showing it to others, especially if it's a personal project type of thing. That constant weight and heaviness that comes with being overly self critical is just damaging, and is what seems to be the destroyer for most people who like to create things. Especially with the age of the internet, things speed by so quickly. A chorus of swirling images and voices and splintering trails of thought are a price to pay with any extra time spent on the internet. Draw things with the trust and self confidence as if I'm recording a dream in a dream journal, because all dreams are already perfect as they are in my mind and are pure intuition and gut. Play music as if no one is listening. Write for myself. Find joy in the process of learning, instead of thinking I should and have to learn for the sake of learning. Each challenge and day has things to learn if I want to learn, and I can take that with gratitude and an open mind. Take criticism with an analytical mind, but only on occasion. Study how to make a better craft of something, but only out of want of it, not out of necessity. Or don't, have a moment of each day dedicated to making things without the need to constantly improve. I've never been in love but what if I treated life as if I were in love with life? I guess the closest I've gotten to that is while traveling and seeing new sights. Try seeing things with fresh new eyes, try drawing as if I were a new person with each page.
  3. Interstellar (lol quick edit, my rabbit stepped over keyboard and ruined it) ok this is what I wrote last night right before the internet stopped working: Interstellar 9/10 Maybe I'm overrating it because I finished watching it an hour ago, but woww this movie is so amazing! This is the second time watching it, but this time I was able to see it on a bigger screen so I really could appreciate the graphics. Theres a lot of reasons why this movie isn't perfect, but the movie gives me 10/10 satisfaction for inspiring music, being super creative, and being pretty artistic for a space film. (Normally I'm not a fan of space/sci fi movies) It manages to capture the beauty of transcendental time and love, it's stretching it's limit in what's potentially actually possible (but probably isn't, also I know very little about space) and although it's almost too intense/action packed for me, there's still a lot of moments to catch my breath and look at the pretty space scenery. The second time I watched it I noticed how sad it would be to look back at earth for probably the last time. It gives off a strong sense that 'this is something that must be protected, treasured.' I'd feel terrified if I had to undergo hibernation, it looked like a water grave. Reasons why it isn't perfect: Its managed to condense a complicated plot really well for just 3 hours, but it would have been better if it were longer, like 5 hours long Although I liked the music, watching it a second time around I began to wish they switched the music up a bit near the end of the movie. Yeah its good music, but I wish there was more variety I'm a little annoyed that they had to explain what a wormhole was to the audience, one of the characters had to explain it to the pilot. I don't know much about space but I do know that much... The end scene felt abrupt, and I thought it was strange that the characters sort of laugh-scoffed at him when he thought the space station was named after himself, instead of his daughter. But I guess that makes sense since most people thought it was his daughter who did all of the work. Still kind of rude though
  4. I've read several chapters and listened to several audio books chapters but I'll wait until I'm completely finished with each one, to review them! My highlight of the day is going on a long walk, usually I will walk in silence for the first half, then listen to an audio book for the second half. High Noon 7/10 I watched this as couple of nights ago with my parents. It was surprisingly enjoyable to watch, because I have never seen a classic western movie before. It played into a lot of movie stereotypes, because it seems to me to be an icon of what a western movie genre should be. That's just my guess, because it was the first one I've seen, but it was very predictable. I expected the wife to change her mind the last minute, get off the train and save her husband by shooting an enemy. At the part where the children were excused from church I said 'and the children will run out and say yayyy we get to go home!' two seconds later they ran out and yelled out 'yayyyy!' and I was like YUS I called that out, hehe. The female main character had a very classically symmetrical face, and the main character had the classical 1950s older man but supposed to be handsome face. The bad guys looked very bad guy ish, and one of them had the perfect expression of a snarling dog, haha. I liked looking at the contrast of the values shapes because it was a black and white film, and I tried noticing the different angles of the shots. The music in the film reminded me of my high school art teacher, who would listen to old music similar to that 24/7 which drove me a little crazy. I wouldn't watch this film a second time though. Star Trek a new generation, episodes 1-4 7/10 7/10 is the most boring rating, but it really is how I feel about it. I've been watching this a couple times a week with my family. I became tired of watching Kirk in the original version, so this is a refreshing change! We stopped watching the original star trek after hitting the milestone goal, the 'trouble with tribbles' episode, and it felt sooo long to reach that point. Anyway, in this new season I like how each character has their own personality and shares a bit of the spotlight. But I also do miss making fun of Kirk. I feel like the episodes are still in the introductory stage, some of the plots are somewhat boring but I'm still enjoying it. The graphics are much better, less cheesy. Wolfwalkers 7.3/10 I love cartoon saloon, and the art style was absolutely gorgeous. I think a lot of cartoons success comes with a grounded, friendly, beautiful art centered approach, and they throw in a lot of mythology/fairy tale/hero's journey, nature style stuff so it's harder to go wrong with that. Also I was happy and surprised to hear 'Aurora's music in the film. It was very pretty, really. The only downside to this film was it was predictable and got slightly boring over time, the movie did not stray out of the ordinary once all of the characters and style and mood of the film were established. But the mood was great.
  5. Oh before I forget: Fri: All-nighter Sat/this morning: 8:30, and it was the most restful perfect sleep I've had in so long
  6. @At awe Agreed, too bad getting visas are so hard! I haven't really read into the complexity of economics and foreigners getting jobs in other countries and stuff like that. Can someone from Iceland marry me purely for visa reasons plz?
  7. Yeah I do think that the natural environment is something that people feel at peace being being in. it's also a nice grounding noncontroversial topic of conversations that everyone can be neutral friends about with, like at awkward heated dinner conversations at Thanksgiving. 'so uh..what dyou think about the weather today?'
  8. If not, is there any particular place you'd like to move to? Do you fantasize about starting your own private island community or do you think that's a disaster of an idea? Have you moved a lot in your life time, or stayed in one area, how do you think internet culture has effected that? I used to fit in really well as a kid, I was weird but not weird enough that it didn't cross the line of being 'super different', so I guess I was being me while at the same time living within the expected frameworks of society. And when I'm traveling and come back to the area that I live in, I feel a sense of comfortability and familiarity, from the people and houses and surroundings, to the weather. I think it's less important to perfectly fit into any one place and more important to feel at home and individualistic within yourself, while trying to search out for a few friends living nearby that are on a somewhat similar wavelength. I think that's why I'm better at one on one or one on two friend dynamics than group friend dynamics. In 10 or so years I'd like to travel to a new area or country every few months, then every few years, so see more of the world and to learn about the distinctions of how people live. Part of me has always been drawn to living in or at least visiting Northern Europe.
  9. Today: ’woke up’ at 6:30 cleaned room ate breakfast played animal crossing while the bunnies ate breakfast half napped for an hour worked for 4ish hours helped my mom with cooking for Chinese new year, we made jiaozi and baozi and sesame dessert balls (it all tastes great but the sesame balls are my favorite, soo good) It took a long time, and we made separate filling for the food, vegetarian and non vegetarian Did one more hour of homework while petting Ruby and then finished for the day Now I’m going to stay up for a bit longer, maybe journal or sketch
  10. Productivity and GRATITUDE journal I think the two go well together hand in hand Feeling grateful for clean and newly decorated bedrooms, early morning light, and finally figuring out how to open my window
  11. Feeling a lot better as of this moment, between 5 and 6:30 I was in a strange state of half awake half asleep. Usually I will accidentally fall asleep and enter a deep state of sleep for 5 hours, but that entire time I felt both alert and also like I was hibernating/resting without sleeping...well I’m awake now, and if I have too I will take a 2-3 hour nap around noon. Looking forward to going on a sunrise walk, feeding the rabbits, reading, and listening to music today
  12. You know what at this point I’m just going to have to do an allnighter The think thats frustrating about sleep is the lack of control I feel I have towards it. Its like - the more I want waking up early to be important, or having to go somewhere in the morning, the more likely I am to stay awake. Slight nervousness or anxiety about not being able to fall asleep, becoming a self fulfilling prophecy? My second pet peeve right now related to lack of control is low blood sugars. Half of my food related problems in the last 4 years has been because of this factor I think, its something that happens once or twice a day in which I have almost no control over - when I get a low I have to eat something, no matter how full I already am, and I have trouble having an appetite for meals anyway. I’ll just throw a self pity party now and cry rn ):
  13. Things to be proud of: I cleaned half of my closet today My blood sugar A1C is significantly lower than a year ago The shed is clean I dressed nicely today I showered I ate mostly healthy
  14. Tomorrow: Wake up at 7 7-8: Dream journal, breakfast, tidy room 8-9: Walk, yoga, get dressed 9-12: character turn around, take small breaks to pet rabbits 12-1: read 1-2: lunch break/pet bunnies 2-6: backgrounds 6-7: walk/family/rabbits 7-9: misc, journal, read
  15. Yeah Tomorrows the day Youu can do it Liz