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About kag101

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  1. I had some similar experiences like that when I was neurotically trying to get enlightened through psychedelics & strong determination meditation. I pushed it more and more, as if eventually I'd have a breakthrough and embody Truth. Then, one day it happened. I cracked open the fabric of reality. I was in that state 24/7. I had transcended the Matrix. And I wasn't even using anything nor meditating anymore. I felt like I was everything. I reached a point where I thought I could read people's minds, because I was so attuned with the field of energy. Biggest BS of my life, and that lead me to some of the most cringest situations of my life. Bottom line is, the only thing I attained was madness and had to go on antipsychotic medication. Nowadays, whenever I start feeling disconnected from my body, I go do something else. That's why I also don't meditate anymore (I do Tai Chi instead). My questions are: If you feel like you're losing your mind, then why do you keep doing those practices? Do you think it's healthy?
  2. my advice would be to have real-life experiences. install tinder or something, and eventually you'll find someone you feel comfortable exploring sexuality. no amount of reading (especially on the internet) nor thinking will solve this aspect of your life. i've noticed that as soon as i started to have experiences, intrusive sexual fantasies stopped popping in my head.
  3. maybe you're the perfect embodiment of spiritual ego lol
  4. wow, so nice to read that you're being able to bond with your family! btw - do you take any meds to prevent maniac episodes?
  5. lol, you're right. i'd also add that a lot of people pretend like they're listening, but in reality they're just waiting for you to finish so they can say what's already on their mind. when i notice that is happening, i simply don't waste my energy. i stop speaking and as soon as i can i end the conversation in a polite way. i've learned that i shouldn't argue so that others hear what i have to say. if i have some intimacy with the person, then i might say something like, "hold on, i'm not finished", but i only do that if it's worth it. I agree. These wannabe-alpha approaches are not effective irl. It'll quickly become a competition, and no one's gonna listen to anyone.
  6. idk about that... in my experience it has been the contrary. it has to be a good psychologist thou. nice! im glad to hear that sounds like a plan! do you have any idea where can you find new people? just be careful to not "overprepare". this can quickly turn into a self-sabotaging perfectionism. i've been going to a good therapist over the past 2,5 years, and it's been changing my life. it goes to the core of the problem. it's not a quick-fix psychedelic trip that doesn't last. it's a gradual and reliable process. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 i got goosebumps at this part. btw - are you currently going to a psychiatrist? i can really relate to what you wrote. i think you're on the right path! i accepted that i needed medical help in 2018. i got stabilized in December of 2019. then in 2020, i was able to work on maintaining some basic routine and i also started some hobbies. then in 2021, i started college. so it's a gradual process of fixing my life. and i have to say that going to a psychologist helps me tremendously. the fact that my mood is stabilized (thanks to medication) allows me to navigate through life without feeling like i had a 100-lbs weight on my shoulder. but the thing is, because i havent had many experiences in my life (because I was in zombie-mode for many years), im still imature in some areas. and my therapist helps me a lot to accelerate my healing. id say it amplifies 10x. it's like a calibration. me too! health problems is such a pain in the ass
  7. that makes sense. the book i'm reading talks about that. it also suggests to ask myself some questions such as: "how hungry am I?", "do I really want to eat that?"
  8. Haha, good one cool! why do you think it was enough? i wouldn't worry about that. most people who had those grandiose experiences only had them because they were using psychedelics. i enjoyed reading it =) thats awesome, man! have you talked with a professional? it reminded me of my 2016. what do you mean by "i wont resist no more"? you'll try to accept whatever happens to you? i think thats the right mindset. the goal is to have fun. ive never been to one tbh. i want to go at least once next year. good! i can relate to that lol. thats my goal lol
  9. "The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates hey, year's almost over. it's a good time for reflection. even if you had a bad year, i think it's good to do a postmortem every year to keep track on how your life is going. after all, as Leo says, life unfolds in chapters. here's mine: work/study: i started college, which is an important step towards increasing my odds of having a good future. it's all about strategy, after all. the college i'm going might disappoint me? yea, but if I want 100% guarantee on the things I do, then I won't do shit. emotional intelligence: it has increased. i struggle a lot with emotional hypersensibility. if I have a certain problem in my life, I oftentimes start panicking. "what if I don't find a solution???" anyway, i've gotten better at becoming aware when those emotional overreactions. and i'm able to use my resources in a wise way. i still have a lot of work to do. maybe i struggle so much with that, because at 8, i had a huge breakdown when my parents divorced. this made me stop trusting that stability is possible. so now i'm slowly recovering that. social life: i used to struggle a lot with shyness (and when I was depressed, with social anxiety). i do feel more confident now. when i'm in a group, i've accepted that i listen more than i talk, but when I want, I do talk. as with many fellow introverts, i used to fantasize being extroverted, loud, and care-free. but now, i actually like the way i am. i see that because i don't speak a lot, what I speak has greater value. relationships/sex life: it's gotten deeper. i noticed that i'm going out fewer people. it's a quality over quantity sorta thing. and now, before I sexualize a relationship, I think a lot whether it's worth it or not. i feel more self-confident in this area. family: my relationship with them is doing well. self-development/spirituality: i'm going for my second year of doing psychotherapy. i've actually written a topic here back almost exactly 2 years ago about my experience and the benefits of doing it. to me, high-quality psychotherapy is undoubtedly the number 1 action that truly improves my self-development. finances: from my standards, i was able to save a good amount of money this year. next step is learning how to invest in a safe way. physical activity/weight: i've kinda struggled in those areas. i did lose a good amount of weight in 2020. i'm in a decent shape, but I want to improve. i've been reading a very good book called "Intuitive Eating". it's a paradigm shift. and physical activity, i had some pain in my body as I was doing it, so I didn't do it as much as I would want it. hobbies/habits: • chess. it is an awesome game. it's something i never imagined i'd be interested in, but here I am. and I imagine i will keep playing/studying it for at least the next couple of years. my main goal is to reach a rating of 1500 on chess.com. • piano. despite being kinda demotivated, i kept doing classes. and it was worth it, because I learned a song that I've always dreamed I would be able to play since I was a kid, Rondo Alla Turca, by Mozart. • DIY. i've started experimenting with doing things myself. i'm not confident, so i'm focusing on the basics. and it's something that gives a rewarding feeling. how would you rate it 1-10? 7 it doesn't have to be so structured as the one I did (i'm a virgo lol). it would be cool to hear how you guys are doing. if you want to do the way I did it: work/study: emotional intelligence: social life: relationships/sex life: family: self-development/spirituality: finances: physical activity/eating: hobbies/habits: how would you rate it 1-10? i hope you guys have a great 2022! 🍀
  10. wow! so many benefits!!!!! lmao
  11. how often did you use to ejaculate?
  12. I agree. Being part of a group that has a shared interest in one of the best ways to make new friends.
  13. Yes! This idea some people have of being unconditionally happy is ludicrous. I'd also add that an enlightened person goes through the grieving process, but just stay there as long as it is necessary.
  14. hello! first of all, congrats for questioning whether what you're feeling is mental illness or not. i fell into the trap for years to "spiritualize" my mental breakdowns. that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. it ends up being a rabbit hole. i thought all that madness was part of my awakening process -- nothing could be farther from the truth! i've been going to a great psychologist and psychiatrist over the past two years, and now i have something that no cathartic spiritual experience would give me: stability. without that, it is impossible to build anything in life. i hate the feeling of not knowing whether i will wake up the next day on cloud 9 or in hell. from what you're describing, it does look like bipolar disorder. have you ever had those types of mood swings before? has anything happened in the past two months that might have triggered what you're feeling? i think it would be positive to get checked by a doctor. try doing some research to find a good one. would you feel okay taking medication (at least for a while)? even if you don't go there, my two cents would be to at least take a break from spiritual practices and stay close to people you like. good luck! 🍀🍀🍀🍀 if you want, feel free to PM me. i'd really like for you to keep me posted. i really hope you feel better soon!! i know how scary wild mood swings can feel.
  15. if you keep rating women like that, probably not