Do you flirt with the idea of suicide from time to time ?

[Someone here]

I get this feeling sometimes..in facing all the complications and the shit we endure in life..isn't it tempting to just jump off a tall building or hang yourself and be done with it all ? Of course the only problem is fear .death is the number one thing we fear .and we also don't know what comes after death .maybe its something worse than our current shitty life . This is all making me sick thinking about those psychological dynamics and the amount of fear and insanity that goes in our lives.

My only question..is there Hope ?

 

[Loba]

I have this feeling chronically all day every day.  I've had experiences of the other side and it felt much more unified and loving than it does here and I have a longing for that sense of love and wholeness that isn't obtainable in this world as the person that I am now.  What stops me is that I have family members who would probably blame themselves, and they did cause many of my complications later in life to be quite honest, but I can't stand the idea of them having to find my body and live the rest of their lives in pain because of what I had done.  I know that there is karma to be worked out on the other side, and I don't want to add to my karma by making other people miserable and then having to wait around for them to die to explain to them the pain that I was in.  I also have some pets that would be confused and sad if I just disappeared one day.

I've experienced what felt like my family on the other side before and although I don't remember them and don't know who they are, I miss them quite a lot and wish to get back to a place where imagination and fun and love are the predominant moving forces.  So I spend my days contemplating, working through the fear and building on my death so that when the time comes it is something to be celebrated.  I have a partner on the other side, I have a "pack" of other souls and wish to celebrate another level of existence with all of them.  I feel frustrated with myself for having mental, emotional and physical problems and I don't have the adaptation or the energy to change.

I think there is hope, but that hope lies in death.  I think it will be a sweet, somewhat sadomasochistic release of a lot of pent up pain and confusion.  I think there will be a sense of knowing and growth and ability that we don't have here in this world.  But I also think that part of the process of this life is living it to the end, even if it's hard and even if you don't want to.  I think that suicide could ruin the surprise, like opening a birthday present too early.  But who knows.  If consciousness has a plan for everything and is aware of the comings and goings of everything, then why would suicide be a surprise?  Should it not be included in the experiences we set out to have?  I don't know.  What I do know is that we have a purpose while we are here, that our souls are meant to grow in awareness and that this world aids in the process of that.

I just hope that when all is said and done, that I don't have to come back here ever again.
I want to be wrapped up, warm, safe, loved, whole, capable, complete, genuine, free and fully spirited with powers greater than myself.

Death will either be a wonderful experience, or nothing at all.

But yeah, I do think about it a lot, I just can't do it because I know that the ramifications of my actions will create something that I don't want for myself or other people.  I might do it after my parents pass away, and if God is good then my disease will just kill me sooner rather than later and I won't have to worry about any of this, I can just go.  Like a free get out of class card.  I wish the world was fun, loving, safe, connected and peaceful but it's not and it takes people away from who they really are.  I've lost my spark.  My desire to progress in any meaningful way and one day blends into the next.

There has to be something better for everyone on the other side.  I have a strong faith in this.

[Razard86]

I'm really starting to feel like suicide is the most talked about subject on this forum outside of Spirituality. Its like either Spirituality or Suicide Ideation.....

[Razard86]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

.death is the number one thing we fear .and we also don't know what comes after death .maybe its something worse than our current shitty life . This is all making me sick thinking about those psychological dynamics and the amount of fear and insanity that goes in our lives.

 

Like I told you before....you are not God realized. After my car accident in my direct experience it was revealed to me that you cannot feel infinite love because of your attachment to your body. This is why I told you, you cannot conceptualize God realization. To reach God realization you HAVE TO FACE DEATH. Your fear of death MUST be faced. This is not negotiable and is why Jesus said you have to be "born again." 

What he meant was die to self (ego death) and be reborn with a completely different outlook. I may not have had as deep awakenings as Leo but I know 100% you will exist after death and it will be infinite love. That I know for a fact because I experienced it.

You have no clue how deep the rabbit hole goes. Spirituality is dangerous stuff, because to have the type of awakenings Leo has...you have to deconstruct your mind and the only reason you have a floor that you are walking on a ground is because you believe a ground exists. If someone could convince you 100 percent that reality was groundless....it would instantly become groundless. 

You ready to experience Infinity?

[Carl-Richard]

I just realized that after my first awakening, all my suicidal ideations stopped.

[ZenAlex]

Sometimes yes, but then I remind myself I have it good compared to many.

Keep going.

[Espaim]

Very rarely. Only if I consume drugs that alter my state of consciousness significantly (outside of psychedelics).

There's a level you can reach in spirituality where you see that you can't really die because you're not the body. That being said, I don't see what's the point of doing it.

But I do have empathy and I can see that if I was suffering enough that would be an appealing idea.

Edited July 24, 2022 by Espaim

[kamwalker]

If I do it's for like the briefest moment and and then *poof* gone. Not ever a serious contemplation. Just the monkey mind running wild. 

[BipolarGrowth]

There’s certainly hope. I overcame my mental health issues and have psychological disorders in a mix far more severe than likely 95-99.9%+ of people here. Progress along the stages of insight discussed in Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha paired with Dhammarato-style breath meditation when needing a short term boost were the most helpful things for me to make the change I did. 

[MarkKol]

On 7/19/2022 at 1:30 AM, Carl-Richard said:

I just realized that after my first awakening, all my suicidal ideations stopped.

After you finally changed your profile picture to something other than default, suddenly my depression went away

[Carl-Richard]

1 minute ago, MarkKol said:

After you finally changed your profile picture to something other than default, suddenly my depression went away

LOL. It's the complete opposite for me.

[at_anchor]

 

On 7/18/2022 at 10:31 PM, Someone here said:

death is the number one thing we fear .and we also don't know what comes after death

I can't possibly believe in reincarnation or heaven and hell that religions talk about so for me personally, it is the fear that not existing, not feeling anything at all even the bad feelings, not seeing anything and just not being at all after death that scares me the most. It is like I have this one life and if I can't have heaven and good karma in it, then it is very unlikely there will be anything after it.

[Breakingthewall]

Never. I have a mission here. go as deep as I can. live the best I can. be the best version of me that i can. It's in my nature to keep trying. maybe with a paralyzing or painful illness I would collapse, you never know

[Someone here]

50 minutes ago, JoeVolcano said:

Anyone who isn't flirting with the idea of suicide, should start right away.

Stop treating it like some sort of taboo. You're going to die one day, might as well be on your own terms.

If you can't even contemplate ending your own life, then whose life is it.

?

[at_anchor]

On 7/26/2022 at 11:21 PM, Lila9 said:

What if reincarnation is real and after one die by suicide (means he hasn't completed his "lessons" here yet), he is immediately born as a human being with much worse problems, much harder life?

There is only one God that lives forever. The only difference between me and you is our knowledge. So in reality, you don't learn any lessons, cause you don't need to. What should be learned is learned and what shouldn't won't. The universe already decided what you will or won't learn. 

A tree doesn't exist in any other moment but one and it won't reincarnate as that same tree. This is like a movie that keeps going on and on forever. An animation that doesn't stop. 

In the past we believed in heaven and hell and now in new age communities, people don't know how to make the world appear safe and loving other than to use the idea of karma and reincarnation. 

Edited July 29, 2022 by at_anchor

[narkuser]

@Someone here I also think about it everyday. Like, I think rationally it is not worth it, all the effort and the bad things one has to endure, to get the good things IF you can get them. It feels like the good doesn't compensate the bad...

BUT personally, after all this self-help, my self-esteem is high enough to the point that I could never do something to hurt myself. I can only think about helping myself. And then I watch some war movies like 300, Braveheart, Gladiator, Berserk... and I see these characters smiling in the face of hardship... which helps to change the perspective.

[kray]

I think most people would deny this, but I think that most people in their life times at some point definitely flirt with the idea. At the end of the day, our existence is essentially dependent on death. From career, to social groups, to dating, to almost anything you do on a day to day basis, our daily activities have the thought of death in their depths. Why do we want a good career, so we can feel fulfilled and have money to live stably and die with that peace. Why do want to have a solid social group and stress about the lack of dating, so that we don't die alone. At the end of the day, we want to do and experience things, good things especially, because we don't want to miss out on the beauty life has to offer. So yes, I do think about death so that it drives me, burns a fire in me, to do the things that will help me achieve the best, most optimal version of myself. I think its good.  But when you don't find love in anything, when you don't fall in love with the present moment, the now, being, then yes, that lack of love experienced by so many lonely fellas in this day and age can lead to a need to find an escape. In a way, it's to give up and just end the game. Now I am not discounting mental health, but my point is that we all want love, we go on the path to love, but one when finds themself experiencing a lack of Love in life, then it feels like there is nothing else to look forward to in this life. 

[Scholar]

There is an interesting dynamic that can occur when one is suicidal. Ordinarily the suicidal ego structure is intensely contracted. This sort of contraction is caused by suffering in one form or another. The type of suffering can be manifold, I think often it is related to shame, hopelessness or loneliness. The ego structure is resisting reality because it desperately wants reality to be another way, causing friction that becomes intolerable to the structure.

Through suicide the ego seeks to resolve that tension and resistance, in other words, the ego seeks freedom from itself. Freedom from the rigid, constricting and suffocating texture of the structure of the ego.

The interesting dynamic I was referring to is that, the ego can realize that it's own death means freedom. I am not talking about some sort of thought, but a direct realization of the solution to this problem.

"If I am dissolved, all my shame will be gone, because I will no longer care about being ashamed anymore. It will not matter!"

"If I am dissolved, all my hopelessness will be gone, because I will no longer care about hoping for something. It will not matter!"

"If I am dissolved, all my loneliness will be gone, because I will no longer care about being alone. It will not matter!"

 

If I died now, everything would be meaningless. Everything I am right now resisting so much against, it will not matter. And then the ego realizes:

Why then, do I need to take it seriously at all? What if I let go? What if I let go of wanting to not be alone? What if I let go of wanting to be something I am not? What if I let go of wanting something that is not? If I was dead, none of that will have mattered anyways, so why does it need to matter while I am alive? What do I have to lose? I have nothing to lose if I let go of everything.

 

This is how Eckhart Tolle achieved ego-death. When the ego is inflicting so much suffering to itself, it builds up a tremendous momentum, a tremendous force. If the ego realizes that it's own contraction, it's own nature, it's own structure, is the cause of it's suffering, then it will turn around. It will look at itself, and realize the opportunity of that energy. It will shatter itself and what will remain is freedom. Freedom from shame, freedom from hopelessness, freedom from suffering. There is nothing to hope for and nothing to be lonely about, because it will not matter anymore.

 

There is nothing to lose if you let go of it all, and that's what you want to do anyways. Get in touch with your own suffering, with your own contraction. With everything you want the world to be. If you were dead, none of that would matter. This means that all you need to do is live as if you were already dead. Then you will see the beauty and perfection of existence, because it will not matter anymore where it is beautiful and perfect. Your suffering will have served it's purpose.

 

You must turn the resistance against itself. Make your ego realize that it is the source of all it's suffering, and that there is nothing to lose if it will simply let go. Let it go, and live your life freely.

 

Look at this thread. Terror of letting go. If you are truly suicidal, why do you need to be afraid of letting go? See, you are not afraid of letting go. You want to let go. So, let go. You are one step ahead of most people, because you are willing to dissolve yourself. You just need to dissolve the right thing, the thing that is causing your suffering.

Edited August 1, 2022 by Scholar

[Flowerfaeiry]

When I’ve idealized suicide it’s because life felt like too much and I used it as an escape from those feelings. It’s not a bad thing to feel like escaping, it’s natural to not want to feel difficult emotions. Some of the things that helped me feel less bad about my life were making small changes that allowed me to feel proud of myself. And recognizing that life is hard, and giving myself credit for the things I have done.

[SQAAD]

Yes i flirt with the idea of suicide from time to time. And it is very normal under certain conditions.

There was a phase in my life where i was super bad mentally. And then i was really serious about ending it all. I bought a drug that could potentially kill me. And i prepared the injection. But then i realised that i could not do it .

The urge to live, was too strong to overcome. You have to be really really bad to override this self preservation instinct. 

I wasn't at that breaking point. After that one incident, i never considered again seriously ending my life. I would just entertain it as a thought when things were hard but never seriously.

You don't want to to die. What you want, is to stop the misery. That's an important distinction to keep in mind.

 

Edited August 4, 2022 by SQAAD