Do you flirt with the idea of suicide from time to time ?

[Yeah Yeah]

@KH2 my room is essentially clean

On 11/08/2022 at 11:59 AM, JoeVolcano said:

With respect, my friend, you can't ask me that.

What I'm talking about isn't to start crossing the street without looking just to tempt fate. What I'm talking about is treating the matter with respect, honesty, responsibility, and self-determination.

If you want to know about suicide, then google it. Read about it. Research it. Take control of it. Own it.

Firstly, what you actually want is not to die, but to end the suffering. Don't make impulsive decisions when you're in a bad place. When you're in that place, know that you have the option, contemplate the option, resign to the option, even look forward to the option, but don't do it yet. Wait until you're level-headed before making any decisions. You will find that you don't actually want to do it, but that you just want a way out. Otherwise you would have done it already, and not in your sleep.

When you open yourself up to the worst of it in those moments, without looking away from it or hiding from it, a part of you dies. That's catharsis. You will know afterward, because you'll feel lighter. If you really want to die, then that's the kind of dying you want.

You may also want to get a framework, by reading Jed McKenna. He talks about Memento Mori in the third book "Spiritual Warfare", but all his books are basically about ego-death in one way or another. And everything in his books is about facing reality honestly and and without flinching. He doesn't sugarcoat things and tell pretty lies. He doesn't tell you to turn away from rational, suicidal depression and pretend that everything is fine, like everyone else does. He points the way through. If you want to stop running, read his books. Start with the first trilogy:

https://www.wisefoolpress.com/e3/

Best wishes

@JoeVolcano idk dude, I doubt reading another self help book will create an ego death which will break the chains of being alive - I genuinely do not look forward to another bs day making zero dollars in this bs world where eventually I will die - Imagine being a farmer when atom bomb dropped, your entire blood line of hard work eliminated - I know you won't give a way a out, nor will the book you recommended, nor will a google search which I've done thousands of times througout the many many years - Instead all there is to do is scroll mindlessly on the internet waiting for the moment I face death, whether a tragedy, self inflicted, a vibrational match to it or old age - I genuinely am incredible bored and zero interest in anything except one thing which is something I won't mention - Other than that I'd go out like Kurt Cobain