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About Espaim

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  1. So... I didn't die. I was running low on time and motivation and I couldn't update this journal. Updates: I started studying german inconsistently. A glimpse of Truth was shown to me on October 27 I started going out more and now I actually enjoy it. Mood inconsistencies have been diminishing over time. I am struggling on university a little because I had a bout of depression from the start to the half of the semester. My gym habits started to get shaky. I don't consistently go to the gym 3x a week anymore. Working on it though. Meditation time was increased to minimum of 20 minutes. Now I'm reaching around 40 minutes. I stopped watching The Simpsons. Currently not eating any refined sugar. I started drinking coffee again.(now it doesn't have those acute effects I reported before) Internet addiction has been reduced by a marginal amount. Currently, I'm taking on a daily basis: Niacin(vitamin B3); Bacopa Monnieri. Sleep schedule is mostly good. For the next month I plan to: Work on my grades; Go out on weekends once a week; Improve my diet by introducing more healthy foods; Starting to track my habits religiously.
  2. @Conscious life What book are you talking about?
  3. Lol I noticed the same. I also live in Brazil and when I touch the subject of coaching people almost always react negatively.
  4. Beautiful message. I'll keep doing it to see what comes out.
  5. Thank you for your responses!!
  6. I went to a doctor and he told me to take rhodiola, then ashwaghanda and finally bacopa. They did help but didn't last. I'm going to a psychiatrist for the motivation part. I've been also very depressed lately. I stopped eating soy entirely. My bodyfat was never measured but by looking at sample photos it's around 20%(±2)
  7. So I've been eating 5-10 eggs a day and nothing really changed. The improvement I suggested in my previous post was probably placebo. I started eating meat yesterday and I'll keep eating meat for 1-2 months to see if the problem is solved. I didn't get rid of sugar. I get too impulsive and just buy it and when I see I'm already eating shit. I'll see what I can do.
  8. I've been doing shamanic breathing following the instructions on the video for 4 weeks now(1 session per week). The first two times I tried it nothing really happened(15min). Last week I got up to ten minutes and then I had a sudden urge to scream very loudly and I started crying like a desperate person. I tried it again today and give minutes in I got the same result. What might be happening/causing this? Comments? I don't know what is happening really Background I have been depressed for some time now and it's hard to pinpoint a reason. I'm a college student and I'm not really caring about University. As a result of that my grades are going downhill and I can't give a fuck about it. It's fucking hard to study I can't concentrate a bit. It takes a lot to read even one page with lasting concentration. I've been doing meditation for 15 months 15-30min a day. PS: I don't feel shitty everyday, only most days. I made a quick Google search and depersonalization accurately describes what I'm feeling. I supplement methyl-b12 and niacin daily; hit the gym 3x a week and got a 6/10 diet
  9. I've been eating 4-6 eggs a day since Saturday and I'm already feeling better. Libido is going up slowly but noticeably. I caught my mind having some sexual thoughts sometimes; I didn't have those for ages. I'm also feeling noticeably more confident(not sure if its caused by eggs). @Michael569 Thank you for your suggestion. I'll probably buy it when I run out of rhodiola rosea.
  10. Since 2016 I really decided that I wouldn't try to have conversations with people over text, only using it as a tool for scheduling going out with people. Now that I'm working on improving my social skills (they're already way better btw) I'm reviewing my old concepts about online communication. Why I'm reconsidering it? Because I don't really see my friends regularly and the best way (as I think right now) to improve my bonds is by IRL conversation and acitivities. I already started inviting some of them to go out to museums, smoking weed, meditation and simple activites like those (yeah, I know, the weed part...). In short: 1. Is texting a crucial social skill to develop so one can have a more fulfilling social life? 2. If yes, do you have any suggestions for developing it? 3. Your experiences, please.
  11. Okay then. Thank you for your suggestions. I bought a bunch of eggs and started eating them today. During the next week I'll get rid of soy. @flowboy Bro I'm really willing to make changes otherwise I wouldn't make this post. Thank you. I'll try your suggestion.
  12. @Michael569 Do you know your blood pressure? When I measure it it's usually around 110/80 Do you often get cold extremities? I used to get it frequently but I don't anymore after supplementing B12. Do you struggle with any stubborn inflammation? Like in my body? Nothing that I have noticed. Feeling of inferiority / shyness? When I'm tired I feel inferior although generally I have low social anxiety. Hard time waking up? Mid time(lol). If I wake up and stay up for 5 minutes then the sleep inertia goes away. I rarely snooze (when I do, it's mostly on weekends). Restless leg syndrom or nervousness? It varies but I do have some symptoms of restless leg syndrom. It's not something that bothers me though. After 6:00pm+-2hrs I get a sudden boost in energy and also more anxiety(like a 50% increase, to say a number) no matter what I've been doing throughout the day. frequent shortness of breath? Only after eating too much. I tend to breathe with my belly most of the time, unconsciously. struggling with energy during day? Only after lunch, between 1:00pm and 3:30pm. Nevertheless, it's manageable. It's like I'm running on 65% body efficiency. @flowboy @SFRL Oh boy! Soy is my main source of protein. I'll have some trouble ditching it. The problem is that I'm I vegetarian. I don't have a neurosis about eating meat but that's something I'd have to think about. Whey protein and those types of supplements are out of question, as I don't work and my father's income has been reduced after some incidents. I'm currently doing a recommended training program made by the gym instructor. It's in portuguese and I'd need to learn all the names and translate them for you. It's doable, just not right now. Anyway, I don't do the exercises mentioned but I can suggest them to my instructor. @Meditationdude I just drink tea/(weak)coffee 1-2x a week max. Nothing stronger than that. I also use Rhodiola Rosea 1-2 weeks on 1-3 weeks off.
  13. Sorry, I meant I'm a vegetarian. There is no need to do nofap because I already never fap. Like literally never. I tried some times but it didn't work.
  14. In the matter of sex drive, I feel like an outlier. I'm currently 19 years old at college and my sex drive is very low. When I was 15-17 it was very pronounced but now it's almost non-existant. My friends are about my age and they think a lot about getting drunk and gaming girls while I can't see the point in doing that. Not really criticizing their choice, I would do the same if I had the will to do it, I'm just curious about what might be causing it. I have a hypothesis: For 8 months I used Lexapro and it helped me with social and general anxiety but made my sex drive very low. Now maybe I'm suffering of PSSD (Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction). Has anyone here had a similar experience with antidepressants and fixed it? I want to fix this shit. On searching for the cause it may be the desinsetization of 5-HT1a receptor but for me that doesn't change anything. I've been off Lexapro for 9 months. My current(relevant) habits: Sleeping on average 7.5 hours[varying between 6 and 12(very rarely 12, realistically 10)]. I don't wake up at the same time every day. Generally it's 6:00am but some days its 9:30 am. Hitting the gym 3x a week I am a vegan and I eat mostly (not in any particular order):bread, beans, soy protein, chickpeas, rice, tomatoes, gherkin, lettuce, apples, bananas and peanuts. I also eat a considerable amount of junk food per day, that being +- 1/6 of my food intake, like chips and sweets. I drink sugary beverages once a week on average. I meditate on average 15 minutes a day. I take a multivitamin, 1mg sublingual methylcobalamin and 250mg Bacopa 30%. One or 2 days a week I drink some tea.