As soon as things start to go well i quit

[SLuxy]

Hi people!

As soon as things start to go well I quit. It happens in various exploits.

Cognitively I notice I think very negatively about everything to do with the goal I'm working on. Further, I also tend to experience a sense of exhaustion, and sometimes disgust with the process.

I understand this is likely related to trauma, and whatnot, but I'd like to hear people's perspectives on it.

Final note:

I understand the 'you are not your thoughts. Just see you are God, or see they are not you and move from there'. And while I respect that as a potential solution, I would politely ask for other solutions than that. Thank you.

[itachi uchiha]

Just go very slow,do things very gently just enough to make progress.

Be systematic in doing things instead of relying on emotion to drive u to action

 

[Thought Art]

Research positive vs negative motivation.

Sounds like you are using negative motivation.

When things are going 'well' what are you avoiding? 

Once you are avoiding that thing, you likely quit because your motivation is built on avoiding a bad outcome or something. 

When you use positive motivation, you are moving toward what you want which should feed your drive.

Consider the LP course for a deeper dive.

There may also be deeper issues that needs to be addressed and it might be a food idea to read books about cognitive behavioural therapy.

Also, Leo has videos about how we as humans want to remain in homeostasis. When things are changing even if it is positive we tend to fall back.

Also, I heard from Owen Cook it's normal for people to develop themselves, get success and then tell themselves " I don't deserve it" and they fall back down... start the cycle over again.

The early phases of mastery emotional labour is the hardest. The more we just do the work and gain a degree of mastery on the areas of our lives we begin to see a positive feedback loop where the work we do becomes more enjoyable the more skilled we become at it. So, just keep going. 

32 minutes ago, SLuxy said:

I understand the 'you are not your thoughts. Just see you are God, or see they are not you and move from there'. And while I respect that as a potential solution, I would politely ask for other solutions than that. Thank you.

That is not a solution, but a reality. You are more than your thoughts at the highest level.

However, we need to be intelligent in how we use these lenses and frameworks for our inner work. 

 

Edited September 14, 2021 by Thought Art

[Snuitje]

Sounds like you have an upper limit problem. It means that you think you don't deserve your succes and are sabotaging (in this case quitting) your progress. Become aware of this. Notice your fears. Notice how you feel. What are your thoughts? Journal about this if you're not doing that already. That way you can spot the upper limit problem and break through it.

[itachi uchiha]

@Snuitje did u find ur zone of genius

[Zedman]

Joining the club.

1 hour ago, SLuxy said:

Cognitively I notice I think very negatively about everything to do with the goal I'm working on. Further, I also tend to experience a sense of exhaustion, and sometimes disgust with the process.

How about instead of this you just feel a ''NO'' from somewhere. You still think positively, you are still uplifted, motivated and what disgusts you instead is this ''NO''. And if you become really stubborn it just uses distraction and you forgot about this all thing entirely and now procrastinating in peace.

[The0Self]

It's simply because you don't know what you want.

That's descriptive and entirely not prescriptive.

[peanutspathtotruth]

Many good points were made here. I personally would say it's not that easy to pinpoint right off the bat. This dynamic can have manifold sources and different structures in place which might be connected with other issues. I, and I think many humans in general, have had this dynamic play out, I think it's quite a classic of our beloved psyche  Direct, experiential inquiry into all feelings and thoughts associated with that issue, combined with theoretical understanding of how the mind works, might be the best you could do on your own. At some point, consider getting a therapist to help you if the root of it all seems unreachable, hidden too deep in your unconscious.

[StarStruck]

Change your association with facing resistance. When the resistance is highest you are closest to success. It reminds me of the saying: the darkest hour is before dawn.

The key is to let go of resistance of feeling resistance. See resistance as a sign of growth. Like you are sitting in the gym and pumping iron. You are not really working out if you are not sweating.

[Leo Gura]

100% commitment is required to achieve big things. It's a frame of mind where quitting does not even exist.

[universe]

Could be because you are unconsciously wired towards failure. You don't allow yourself to succeed. That is sometimes because we feel secure with how life is going right now and being "successful" might change that. People could react differently to us, expectations could change.

Maybe you fear that you are unwilling to feel the sensations of growth and change.

Or you are attached to the feeling of lack and failure because you are so invested in that identity that you feel that you'd be betraying that part of you. And, it would also mean admitting that that part of your life was such a waste and you hate being wasteful etc.

 

Study how to accept anything you are unconsciously wired to.

 

Then visualize what you want next.

[TheAlchemist]

 

[The0Self]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

100% commitment is required to achieve big things. It's a frame of mind where quitting does not even exist.

Exactly how this character seemed to quit addictive recreational drugs. They just suddenly didn't exist anymore.

[blessedlion1993]

Classic Upper Limit Problem

Read the big leap

[Tefikos]

https://youtu.be/4Ns96WM7C78

This was a really good explanation on how to overcome self-sabotage.

 

[Zedman]

@Leo Gura  If commitment is the centerpiece puzzle, then what IS commitment? More importantly how to make it real? Every one has it. But not in its true form. How to make it true?

 

Edited September 16, 2021 by Zedman

[ZzzleepingBear]

Where ever that success may lead you. There might be that certain resistance to it there, based of the uncertainty of what various new potential problems that could arise out of that success.

So if you happen to be after the success more than the reason and meaning of the work itself, then that could be the potential issue.. Maybe.

Sometimes inorder to escape problems we deal with now, we may trying to do so by gaining greater success in other areas of our life. This can be a great booster of self confidence etc, but if our main problem is of an internal nature. Then no matter how much of the worldly success we may achive, will make up for what ever inner battle we may try to cover up it with or trying to repress.

I'm not saying that all this is necessarily the case for you though. And I may ask you this. Are all your goals like this, big or small? Let's say that you try to cook a new dish and want it to be as good as possible. Do you have this resistance even then?

[7thLetter]

@SLuxy

Self sabotage.

I've been struggling with something similar over the years. Things go well in terms of my finances, then I lose it all. Things go well with a girl, then I behave in an idiotic needy way that turns them off. I start some sort of endeavor which shows some results, then I drop it completely because of doubts.

You're right it could be related to trauma, but personally I think it mainly has more to do with our comfort zone. Wherever our comfort zone is, we're likely to return back to it mentally and/or physically.

If someone were to try and permanently move to a foreign country after living in Canada their whole life for example, chances are they'll probably move back to Canada because that's just where their comfort zone is.

Same thing happens with what we've got going on here. If it's some sort of business you're working on and you quit, mentally that's the return to what we know or what's "normal" for us. If we've spent several years playing video games and watching porn, then all of a sudden we try something new, self-sabotage will most likely come into play and ruin what we've got going on so that we can go back to playing video games and watching porn.

If you've spent your whole life single and you try to date.. You get the point.

The most practical thing to do, is to take more action and gain more experiences. If you resonate with what I'm saying here, then I can say that more experiences will help you get you out of your comfort zone, and help create a new "normal" for you. If doing nothing and getting no results is normal for you, then change it and do more.

And on top of that, I understand that you're looking for practical solutions but I promise you this one is quite practical as well, be mindful of your self-sabotaging behavior. Notice when it happens, and contemplate it. Developing awareness around this type of behavior will ultimately lead to correction.

[Zigzag Idiot]

2 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

be mindful of your self-sabotaging behavior. Notice when it happens, and contemplate it. Developing awareness around this type of behavior will ultimately lead to correction.

I agree with your statement here.

I’m wondering if this self sabotaging phenomena is a characteristic of a personality type. I’m an enneatype 6 specifically a counterphobic 6. A trait which I feel is similar is one that was with me a good deal in childhood. Being that as soon as someone complimented my accomplishments, I would just go to pot. As the saying goes.@SLuxy I’m curious if you’ve enneatyped yourself?

I don’t know. It was just a thought that this phenomena  - As soon as things start to go well I quit. - Is hooked to a certain personality type. In hindsight I see it has been a pattern in my life to a degree.

[Godhead]