Javfly33

Spent 500$ on virtual sex/porn in two days!

25 posts in this topic

This is not normal Lol. Never had I relapsed this hard.

What is wrong with my mind?

I've hit rock bottom I guess.

I wonder if this Will this be the time that makes me want to wake up the fuck up and go become a man, or if it makes me want to leave everything behind.

But I guess the only way out is in.

 


A thought can´t ever tell you how you feel.

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Maybe you haven't understood or realized yet what value you would provide to a woman. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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Let me guess, it was also dominatrix and that kind of stuff.


Have faith.

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I hope it was worth it


"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein

 

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4 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Let me guess, it was also dominatrix and that kind of stuff.

Yeah but several ones.

Burned 300$ of those 500$ on just 5 hours, not even the crackheads can spend that much! Wtf why not mental health information about this stuff cmom liberals 

3 hours ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Javfly33 You definitely have hit rock bottom. 

What if not and I can go even worse? 

Do you think I should quit my job and focus 8 hours a day (just like a job) on making myself a man and mastering socialization and dating?? @Harlen Kelly I have some savings and I could easily go about 9 months without working on a big city with lots of social offer.

@mandyjw I'm believing to starting is all in my head tbh


A thought can´t ever tell you how you feel.

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25 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Javfly33 I would not suggest leaving your job. You don't have to leave your job to meet women.

How the fuck i get out of this hellish endless trip Im so fucking tired 


A thought can´t ever tell you how you feel.

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2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I'm believing to starting is all in my head tbh

It IS all in your head lol. But, it also is a problem, ofc.

2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

Wtf why not mental health information about this stuff cmom liberals 

I'm pretty sure there are purchasable courses for your specific issue. You can find out anything about anything, if you really take the time.

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11 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

This is not normal Lol. Never had I relapsed this hard.

What is wrong with my mind?

I've hit rock bottom I guess.

I wonder if this Will this be the time that makes me want to wake up the fuck up and go become a man, or if it makes me want to leave everything behind.

But I guess the only way out is in.

 

What emotions were you trying to experience by spending that money on that?

Is it just the sexual feelings?

Or is there some other emotional experience that you’re seeking?


Enrollment now open for my Shadow Work Group Class! Limited spots available. 

Click here to learn more!

 

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4 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

How the fuck i get out of this hellish endless trip Im so fucking tired 

By realizing how pathetic what you are doing is. 

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14 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

By realizing how pathetic what you are doing is. 

That's just not going to work. 


Enrollment now open for my Shadow Work Group Class! Limited spots available. 

Click here to learn more!

 

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20 minutes ago, Emerald said:

What emotions were you trying to experience by spending that money on that?

Is it just the sexual feelings?

Or is there some other emotional experience that you’re seeking?

A desire for Love is always at the root of it. An escape from trapped emotional pain/fragmentation/lack of love. Not sure if there was any specific emotional experience you were going for other than just escaping internal pain

Also, hey Emerald. I know you from YouTube, never knew you were on here

 

12 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

By realizing how pathetic what you are doing is. 

I don't think that's very helpful. If the solution was that simple I doubt he would have done It in the first place. Also he is aware that its a problem so the fact that he still did it means there is a part of him that craves and needs that which like I said probably points back to some sort of lack of love/fragmentation in some area. This should be treated with love and understanding rather than him making himself feel bad about it 

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Don't beat yourself up too much @Javfly33. The ego is a hard thing to tangle with. It's always a work in progress and you're going to have downturns, relapses, and rough patches. It's all apart of the development process. What is important is maintaining that constant fire to keep GOING! Progress, not perfection, as they say.

I'm in a pretty good spot now, but if I told you or this forum what I did in the months of April/May you'd probably all completely revise any opinions and perceptions you had of me xD

You are not alone.


"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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@Javfly33 Go to reddit or some type of forum and look up "how to overcome porn addiction/Buying porn subscriptions," it doesn't seem the advice on this forum is helping you so I would go to people who've actually been in your position and who've overcome it and see what they have to say. 

Don't lose hope or do anything irrational your not in a good headspace give it a few days/weeks to get yourself togther

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now if a homeless man would beg you for the half of it, you kicked his butt. 

that's how exploitation works... (sigh with some smirking) 

 


"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up"

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Posted (edited)

I don't know, I've never felt the need to pay for porn.

Don't beat yourself up. Take an hour to openly journal and contemplate about it, and any surrounding issues. Use love here. No reason to feel guilty, but acknowledge it and move forward. More love awaits you on the other side of this. 

Every realization of incongruence with our values is a diamond if we use it correctly. 

Edited by Thought Art

"Now here's the Sun and it's alright, Now here's the Moon and It's alright..But every-time you close your eyes... Lies" -Arcade Fire Rebellion

Personal Growth Vlog - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzVkdPNRrNT7SN1aoco2MdA

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