Byun Sean

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  1. yeah social interaction causes movement of the mind which disconnects us from being. Its totally natural to feel a little lonely after socializing in my experience. Loneliness is a measure of how much one is disconnected from being. the reason some of us feel better in company is it forces us to be and bring our awareness outward. You can feel extremely lonely in a crowd of people and the enlightened yogi living in the mountains no longer comprehends the notion of loneliness.
  2. @EternalForest My friends shouldn't leave me. Is that true? How do you know that your friends leaving you is not actually a GOOD thing for you. Maybe years later you find out somehow it was the best thing that ever happened to you. My life has had many of those. I've been rejected and hurt many times in the past (even ghosted by a friend like you) only to find out later that it was actually better for both of our paths. I don't know you or your personal situation. However. The reality of it is: your friends did leave you, so saying they shouldn't leave you would be arguing with reality and would just cause you more unnecessary pain. thats what arguing with reality means. Creating rules in your own head that contradict with the reality of what is. What is is out of our control so it just hurts to argue with it. The point I made about no one doing wrong given their model of the world is actually a very tricky one that even a lot of intelligent people don't get. What it means is that your friends all have a completely different psyche, sense of reality, sense of right and wrong, brain type, needs, etc. They perceive the world so much more differently from you than you can imagine. Is there some code of right and wrong written down somewhere in the universe that makes it absolute? I don't think so. Our minds make these up so that we can justify fulfilling our own survival needs. The big picture here is, your friends left you, so who the hell cares what is right and what is wrong. Just do whatever it takes for your sake to heal and release any unnecessary pain and trauma. And counterintuitively, accepting the reality of the situation is the first step toward just that. Whatever resists persists. Stop resisting the situation and the pain and love it instead. Then by loving it, your suffering will turn into love and you will have risen to a higher level of consciousness.
  3. @EternalForestNobody does anything wrong given their model of the world. They believe what they do is right from their point of view. Your friends want to leave you? Thats alright thats their choice. It doesn't make you less of a person. Now make sure you take care of yourself observe for any emotional reactions or spinning any internal thought stories about your friends leaving you. If you Identify with pain, you cannot be free from it. Once you become aware of it you can free yourself from it I also highly recommend to you the book: Loving What Is. By Byron Katie I think it could change your life and your view on the situation my friend
  4. @Dlavjr From my experience if you frame masturbation or porn as 'bad' in your mind in any way, you will probably end up falling back into old habits again. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, porn, or any of that. It's freaking awesome that we can pleasure ourselves by ourselves in that way. The only question is: What do you want? Would you rather have pleasure and accept a minor energy and focus decrease, or take the other result. play around with it. Its alright if you fall back into old habits and stuff. I would also observe your urges in your mind and your body to see where they stem from. also spiritually masturbation doesn't harm you at all. Health wise it seems fine too.
  5. this looks like you are striving to maintain a particular identity. Be careful. You may be creating a shadow out of narcissism or some of these other traits. If possible, watch what traits and actions your mind judges when you interact with others. Things that the mind judges and demonizes means that it is a threat to your identity. For example. pretend you secretly judge and hate yourself for being socially awkward. And so you suppress and deny any hint of social awkwardness within your own self, thoughts, and actions and instead demonize and criticize all of the socially awkward people 'out there'. The mind loves this because it distracts you from turning inwards and digging up that nasty shadow material because the shadow material is there to maintain your identity. EX: if we take the social awkwardness example, the purpose of disowning that may be to maintain your identity as a confident extroverted outgoing person If we take your example, narcissism or self centeredness as we conventionally know it as the disowned trait. Then You may be attempting to maintain being a nice or humble person and furthermore judging all of the self-centered narcissistic assholes 'out there'. Notice how you fear being a narcissist. What if you are a narcissist? Why do you feel the need to separate yourself 'over here' from those self centered narcissists 'over there'. Could there be something deeper to that? Does such a boundary even exist or are you just making it up? And what might be the purpose of making up a boundary like that? hmmmm........ Once you've located some shadow material or a trait, quality, or group of people you judge, demonize, and criticize, the next step is to allow yourself to love yourself for being THAT. Because those people actually are YOU. If you judge people for being assholes, all yourself to love yourself for being an asshole and you will have healed that part of yourself. Your mind has thousands upon thousands of these judgements and virtual partitions that separate you from other people preventing you from seeing the world from their point of view. Collapsing them is a major part of the work. Good luck
  6. relationships are a distraction? From what? It sounds like these people need to get somewhere. Theres nowhere to get. Life is not a race. The finish line will be your grave. Do what you love. Period. For some people that is meditating in an ashram for 40 years and for some that will be playing video games and drinking beer. All your personal judgements are coming from your own self biased frame of reference that are based on a multitude of questionable assumptions. Now what we are interested in with self actualization and personal development work is finding out what you specifically value and find fulfillment in an pursue that. What nourishes your own heart and soul. Not what some guru or your parents told you to do.
  7. awesome
  8. I have had the same issue. We have INTJ personalities lol. Or thats at least my judgement because I've been going through the EXACT same confusion as you in the past few months. First: Watch Leo's video on: Sameness vs Difference and contemplate the two deeply What you will find is that sameness and difference are a matter of perspective and are completely relative The thing your ego doesn't want you to see and deny profusely is that you are in a community with beings who are different from a certain point of view, but also exactly like you from another. Right now you are only seeing the differences because thats what your mind wants you to see. And the boundary that makes up the difference between your idea of you and 'other people' is completely virtual. Even if you found someone who had the same interests as you, you would still find a way to differentiate yourself from them because this is how the INTJ personality survives. After we get rid of this thick virtual boundary even for a moment, social interaction and even small talk becomes effortless (:0 IKR) Whats helped me: -acknowledge that you are a whole that is also part of the larger whole of mankind and life at large (Not just THE whole period). -try to look for and admit to yourself the similarities between you and others rather than nitpicking the differences -discipline yourself to try to talk to people who you are most comfortable with and just try to surrender to the moment without trying to calculate and understand everything. Just kick back and have a good time -try to get out of your head and bring your awareness into the outer world (You may notice your mind likes to escape into the inner world a lot). -let go of the need to be superior to others. (Especially with our intellectual knowledge )
  9. Survival is highly irrational and not designed to make you comfortable or happy. Survival is about keeping the idea of YOU alive. Thus, as you go from child to teen to adult, you keep accumulating your idea of you and that idea becomes a nasty giant web to the point where if even a tiny pin pokes it, you suffer immensely. This is why children look so joyful and carefree and a lot of adults who haven't done spiritual work may look serious or depressed. Survival is a mechanism designed to keep you alive long enough to experience life. But the need to survive causes you to suffer. Thats why we have spiritual work Prepersonal---> Personal---> transpersonal
  10. This is a duality and must collapse. The fully integrated individual dreams up the highest vision they can possibly imagine for their life and makes a concrete plan to actualize it. People sometimes call themselves 'pragmatic' or 'practical' thinkers and separate themselves from 'idealistic' people because they are too afraid to fail so they don't allow themselves to dream as a nice little self deception mechanism Idealism and pragmatism are completely relative to what you think is possible in life given your current situation.
  11. You may be feeling distant with your friends yourself but not admitting it to yourself. In that case, you could have disowned and dissociated these feelings of wanting to end your friendships out of your awareness and projected it onto the outer world: In this case, onto this girl. If I were you I would really introspect how YOU feel about your friends yourself and allow yourself to feel that way. Bring up the fear. What is the fear really? What is telling you? What does it want? Talk to it. Interact with it until you get to the source of it. To me this doesn't seem like its about this girl or your friends at all. Rather it's a self deception mechanism of your own psyche. Don't fall for it. Introspect and dig that sucker up.
  12. it would be ok. They might think you are weird or ask you about why you do it. Just speak your truth and love them however they respond. don't talk down to them as if they are stage blue/ orange. You will only see the differences between yourselves. Instead speak your truth how it is for you and leave the judging part up to them The hardest part here is to embody our truth even when it's esoteric or emanates a 'woo woo' vibe
  13. I honestly agree to some extent. He's gotta watch himself integrating this powerful new awakening while handling a spiritual community. It's not easy. The dude might be self-biasing himself into believing that since he's now fully awakened that he is now flawless and whatever he feels right to say is the absolute. He's gotta be extra careful and watch himself like a hawk As for the amazon thing it doesn't really matter. Who the hell cares? Just focus on you. It's easy to point out all the criticisms in others. Not so easy seeing the hundreds in yourself...
  14. @electroBeamwell said. actually, most stage green people here are still blind to this. Only a stage yellow person and above would see casual sex and long term partners this way. Like a good ol growth hierarchy. Either one being fine. Stage green is blind here and think that their moralistic stance for equality and mutual consent is absolute, bringing out the pathology you see here. The problem with green is they are still unable to comprehend the perspectives of all the other stages which can make them self righteous in the midst of their good intentions for equality, peace, and love