John Paul

"Having a girlfriend" distraction to mastery?

20 posts in this topic

Is having a girlfriend that believes in or has a very similar life purpose completely fantasy land? Give it to me straight leo lol

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Of course a girlfriend is distracting. Then again, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy ;)

Live life, don't be a robot.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Only if you make it so or you are not clear in your own purpose beyond. My girlfriend has been the absolute opposite of a distraction in terms of building my career as an ontological coach and building my practice and business. Every single challenge I have ever faced in my own business I could see it show up in my intimate relationship too.

Things like a deep trauma of fear of rejection, which, would show up in getting clients and raising my fees. When you are the business, beyond logistics and technicalities, every challenge you´ll ever face arises from your own humanity, from all the places you've learned to stay safe, close, and contract from life.

An intimate partner can be everything you want it to be if you create it consciously. OF COURSE, an intimate partner will drive all your shit up, all your humanity, shortcoming, fears, insecurities, and all of this can be a distraction if you relate to it this way.

How I relate to it (not because if the only way or the best, but because of how I'm choosing to) THIS IS the work to open your heart to deeper layers of love.

Not only I have worked through those fears and traumas among many other stuff with my coach (and I continue doing so), with and through her/us but my experience of life has been infused with even more joy, play, and better finances than ever before.

To me, Leadership and intimacy  (Intimicy_ into me) are two sides of the same coin. Your ability to make/cause an impact in this world is correlated to your capacity as a human being to cause intimacy with others, open your heart (which implies cleaning yourself of yourself, of all the strategies you have created to stay safe)

Your ability to fuck your partner is related to your ability to fuck the world open and cause a massive impact.


So I don´t agree with @Leo Gura on this one, although he is totally right that you should fully live life and don´t be a robot! And there is no right answer, you must decide for yourself if that´s what you want.

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@John Paul

True culmination of a healthy relationship, that of sharing our being, will do more for clarity, expression, and wakefulness, than any practice or substance. Initially, projection is missed, but suffering ensues, and it is later inspected. One innocently, yet most unfortunately, looks everywhere but oneself. The only actuality of distraction is that of a single thought at a time, which is felt to be out of alignment with that which desire is for traction with or of. If wakefulness is that which is desired, projection is the yet seen, and thus still said to be, ‘distraction’. Put another way, X is what I desire to create, be, have, experience... but Y is the distraction from it. In actuality, in truth, Y is that which is leading you directly to X. 

Imagine said girlfriend saying to you aloud “I am your distraction”. Would it not in honesty, still be up to you as to wether that is the case?


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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You see... productivity is a counter-intuitive and nonlinear thing. It's not simply a matter of how much you work, it's also a matter of how deeply you rest. If you want to maximize your productivity you must learn to rest hard. That's where your girlfriend can lend a hand ;)


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@John Paul

2 hours ago, John Paul said:

Is having a girlfriend that believes in or has a very similar life purpose completely fantasy land? Give it to me straight leo lol

   Only if you want it to be so.

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Posted (edited)

Friends are a distraction too, if we want to look at it that way. Family holiday gatherings are distraction. Any type of socialization. If you want to reach spiritual mastery, you might as well not let anyone distract you from it. 
But like... Life without such things is boring. Why not learn to balance both things and have both? It's only impossible if you believe it is. 

Edited by somegirl

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Yes but be more specific. Because in many ways having a girlfriend will help you grow.


"You Create Magic" 

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5 hours ago, John Paul said:

Is having a girlfriend that believes in or has a very similar life purpose completely fantasy land?

It doesn't matter.

God's perfection is absolute.

Or in less fancy language everything that happens to you is good even if it's bad.

Or in even simpler language: your girlfriend will help you to mastery even if it doesn't look that way.

 


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

Friends are a distraction too, if we want to look at it that way. Family holiday gatherings are distraction. Any type of socialization. If you want to reach spiritual mastery, you might as well not let anyone distract you from it. 

Bingo

1 hour ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Yes but be more specific. Because in many ways having a girlfriend will help you grow.

Bingo

Edited by RendHeaven

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I haven't finished the LP course I don't know. Initial thoughts something like personal development in the form of WWOOF hosting or something and maybe "having a woman" could actually multiply if I'm man enough for her and she has vision, not just some underdeveloped chick.

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9 hours ago, John Paul said:

Is having a girlfriend that believes in or has a very similar life purpose completely fantasy land?

You want most of your basic values as people to align more or less, yeah.

Having the same life purpose or career though isn't really necessary and is usually quite a rare thing.

It's probably healthy to have some form of separation within the relationship so you guys have space to breathe and think.

Not every couple can have their lives completely intertwined in so many ways like that. It's incredibly demanding.


"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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It fulfills Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It's hard to focus on higher spiritual pursuits when you are lacking in your base needs. It's much easier for a typical man to practice tolerance, acceptance, kindness, and selflessness when he finds his "twin flame" ... at least this is the case for many men.  It helps you grow.. all interactions do in my opinion. It helps if she is more mature and deeper versus pop culture indoctrinated of course and not overly materialistic or shallow.  Our DNA is wired to want that connection.

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   Although, despite our DNA being hard wired to seek out partners to fulfill needs of belonging, intimacy and esteem, some people are able to skip over this and still do very well. Gandhi, Yoga nanda and other spiritually gifted people do as well.

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1 hour ago, Danioover9000 said:

Gandhi

Gandhi had a wife

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It depends on what you want to master. Certain mastery would be impossible without one.


The absolute truth of thought dwells in it's own absence.

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I find a healthy relationship can be one of the greatest means to achieve mastery. It can be a safe place of support, motivation, reflection and growth. Ofcourse everything can be used as an distraction. But when you notice that you are using the relationship in that way, you have a chance to go beyond that. And this leads to even more growth. ✊🏻 Yaay

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 @sholomar

Good point. But I do hear from some people that they have a lot of trouble balancing both. 

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Posted (edited)

@John Paul Or could a girlfriend assist you in mastery? Something to contemplate. It's far easier to be centered and at peace alone in the mountains. But can you maintain that state while in rush hour traffic or while visiting with your family members? Relationships are excellent teachers. 

Edited by Matthew85

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