Daphnedenninghoff23

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About Daphnedenninghoff23

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  • Birthday 03/02/1993

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    Rotterdam/Netherlands
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    Female

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  1. Still building my morning routine. I really like the application 'the fabulous'. So I definitely suggest getting it if you have difficulties keeping up with habits. This morning I drank my last cup of coffee. I already went from 4 cups to just 1. So it is going well. The last few days have been a gold mine of insights and realizations. But growth truly happens when your foundations are shaken. And what is happening between me and my partner is just amazing. The things we are learning about ourselves and about each other are amazing. Triggers happen a lot. Every day is different. When triggered happen we feel these triggers fully, we journal about it, we talk deeply about it, we admit our petty thoughts without sugar-coating them, and then talk about it. We look at it from different sides. And...I feel like we are becoming more and more authentic with each other. In the long run, I actually can see how this is bringing us closer together. Because that is already happening. I never expected that. It's amazing. I also feel more intimate with myself. I feel like I have more space within myself to allow emotions to arise without trying to neurotically run away from them. I feel more compassion and kindness for the things that I used to judge within myself. Like the feeling of jealousy. I try to be conscious of myself when I feel something like hurt, pain, or fear when I am contracting and harden. When we feel these things we often hide behind armor and lash out at other people. Instead, I try to consciously soften with the fear or pain. And It is such a relief to drop all the masks and just be with it. Not reacting, but just being with what is there. Funny enough when I do this, kindness and compassion naturally follow. For others too. Because everyone is in the same boat of experiencing feelings and run away from tightening up. Being vulnerable can be scary, it takes courage. We often react in the same old ways. Often in ways that helped us cope with uncomfortable feelings when we were younger. But these are often very childish ways of coping. Back then we did not know how to deal with discomfort. We are adults now, and we have the chance to learn to be more emotionally mature and feel what needs to be felt. I am also learning that most of what we call love is emotional dependence. Neediness. We want someone to make us comfortable and we project all of our 'perceived' lacks unto the other person. We want them to be our salvation. And then reality comes in eventually and slaps you right in the face. Because nothing outside of you can bring you salvation. Believing salvation will come to you, is a myth. Reality is fluid and ever-changing, we do not even know what will happen the next moment. Because we fear discomfort so much (and other reasons) we struggle to find some sort of stability. But nothing lasts. And that is a truth we can either fight against or go with it.
  2. I am learning that an important part of this journey is developing self-love. With this I mean sitting with yourself in silence and watching everything that comes up while remaining open and non-judgemental towards what is appearing. Seemingly this is called 'Maitri' .
  3. Have started setting up a morning routine for a few days now. I drink water first thing in the morning, followed by a healthy breakfast, and started doing some yoga. Followed by a 15 min meditation sesh.
  4. Well, as I said, the experience was a lot different than he expected. He went to her quite tense and disingenuous. But was faced with himself and he realized that he could only enjoy with her if he related to her in an honest and open way. Yes, he enjoyed having sex with her. No, he is not going to date her. But he will see her again actually. We both agreed that we feel he has a lot to learn about women, sex, and himself. He said, right now he doesn't feel like having sex with anyone else. He said that this was already such an intense experience that it would be too much to go through this with another girl. Fantasy and reality are often very different. Haha. I asked him, cause I was also curious of course about what changed after his experience. He said he mostly felt humbled down a lot. And realized so many ideas about masculinity are really not healthy or true. He said he realized that he found it interesting that he loved me more than ever also and he really appreciated me more because of what happened. And also that he found me more attractive. Which I find very interesting too. The result of us talking is I guess a deeper understanding of what happened. We observe and look at what happened, how he was feeling, how I am feeling. We talk to understand and to also point out things to each other that we might be unconscious of.
  5. Monday my partner had his experience with the other girl. He learned a lot that night. He had this idea in his head that he should be a typical macho man. But he could only actually do anything that night after having an honest and vulnerable conversation with the girl. She knows about me, I know about her. She knows about our whole situation. After he came home, my partner and I talked. I felt what I needed to feel. I felt it fully, consciously. But I did not project. I had to work right away. Which was not that great actually. I felt like I needed time to introspect and to talk to my partner more. The only thing I felt when he told me everything was a slight feeling of hurt. Later I realized it was also because I had to go to work, and I preferred staying home and talking. Leaving to work after he just explained what happened did not feel that great. When I came home from work, this hurt just left. After work, we talked more, and it was lovely. The girl he slept with is actually a very smart and beautiful girl. I asked if I could see a picture of her. She is also interested in psychology and self-development. I honestly just feel kindness towards her. So, now a full day has passed. And I feel very open like my heart expanded even more. This experience has not made me loveless. In fact, it has made me love more. It has expanded my ability to love in ways I never imagined. Also of myself. I feel like I am loving parts of myself that I never thought I could. One big act of love that I am able to do so much more of now is to soften when feeling uncomfortable. To remain open. Normally when I feel pain or discomfort, I harden, contract, close off, and just react. This manifests in blaming, projecting, or just neurotically trying to make the feeling go away. It's interesting to see how awareness and openness can change your whole relating to your own emotions. I also realized that much of our fears have to do with dealing with not knowing what the future will bring. We try to fill in the gaps by projecting our fears into the future. This gives us a sense that we know what might come. But we can't possibly know. This insecurity is part of the adventure. When we relax into the present moment and remain open and flexible, we will see that life just happens as it should happen. You develop a different kind of trust. I think it's also trusting in yourself. In your own ability to deal with whatever comes. But also trust in that whatever appears is supposed to appear. In the end, I feel like this experience has brought me close to myself, but also closer to my partner. What the future will bring, I don't know.
  6. Good morning, I am spending this morning taking notes and watching the Life Purpose Course by Leo. Monday my partner had his experience with the other girl. He learned a lot that night. He had this idea in his head that he should be a typical macho man. But he could only actually do anything that night after having an honest and vulnerable conversation with the girl. She knows about me, I know about her. She knows about our whole situation. After he came home, my partner and I talked. I felt what I needed to feel. I felt it fully, consciously. But I did not project. I had to work right away. Which was not that great actually. I felt like I needed time to introspect and to talk to my partner more. The only thing I felt when he told me everything was a slight feeling of hurt. Later I realized it was also because I had to go to work, and I preferred staying home and talking. Leaving to work after he just explained what happened did not feel that great. When I came home from work, this hurt just left. After work, we talked more, and it was lovely. The girl he slept with is actually a very smart and beautiful girl. I asked if I could see a picture of her. She is also interested in psychology and self-development. I honestly just feel kindness towards her. So, now a full day has passed. And I feel very open like my heart expanded even more. This experience has not made me loveless. In fact, it has made me love more. It has expanded my ability to love in ways I never imagined. Also of myself. I feel like I am loving parts of myself that I never thought I could. One big act of love that I am able to do so much more of now is to soften when feeling uncomfortable. To remain open. Normally when I feel pain or discomfort, I harden, contract, close off, and just react. This manifests in blaming, projecting, or just neurotically trying to make the feeling go away. It's interesting to see how awareness and openness can change your whole relating to your own emotions. I also realized that much of our fears have to do with dealing with not knowing what the future will bring. We try to fill in the gaps by projecting our fears into the future. This gives us a sense that we know what might come. But we can't possibly know. This insecurity is part of the adventure. When we relax into the present moment and remain open and flexible, we will see that life just happens as it should happen. You develop a different kind of trust. I think it's also trusting in yourself. In your own ability to deal with whatever comes. But also trust in that whatever appears is supposed to appear. In the end, I feel like this experience has brought me close to myself, but also closer to my partner. What the future will bring, I don't know.
  7. Thankyou love. That is beautiful. I honor your journey.
  8. Started reading the places that scare you, by Pema Chodron.
  9. Contemplate the hell out of these beliefs, go deep. Go to the core. Why do you believe you need love, recognition, and validation from others? And how did you ever come up with the idea that you lack any of these things? Is it a belief, or is it the truth? Take a close look, love.
  10. You cannot ever be separate from god. Whatever seems to be appearing and happening right now is what needs to be happening. <3 much love
  11. Nobody is in control. This is life organically arising. Dancing… beautifully. Nowhere to go, Nothing to do. There is no Daphne.
  12. Love does not cherrypick. It naturally accept all. Even when resistance come up, this is accepted too. Even judgement. It includes everything. Nothing is excluded.
  13. Insight: Life cannot help but love and accept itself by default. It has to. It’s natural. Whatever appears in reality by default is accepted and loved unconditionally. Even your sense of being a separate self is unconditionally loved and accepted.
  14. My realization: Being is love Everything is love Even the mosquito in my house It includes all appearances It includes everything that the ego hates and loves Life is a dance of love Nothing is love How silly to think you lack love, to think you need another person to create the feeling of love within yourself There was never anything outside of yourself All separation is love All suffering is love There is nothing but love Love is nothing Nothing is love
  15. I have been drinking so much coffee lately. It's not bad, but I feel pulled to decrease my coffee intake and eventually stop.