Recursoinominado

Why all this hate for coaches?

22 posts in this topic

I don't know if this is a Brazil thing or if this happens in other countries but there seems to be a LOT of hate for coaches in general, even the word "coach" has taken a negative tone. I have met LOTs of people who said they hate coaches even though it is 100% certain that they don't even know what a coach does. It seems to be a wave of hate for coaches, the main complaint being that "they (the coaches) sell a success that they don't own themselves". I even had to block some old "friends" from social media because they usually post something hateful toward coaches, making fun of me as they know i am pro-self-development as this is my life purpose and i was risking some motivational posts talking about success mindsets etc. 

Is this blue devilry in action?  I even see this hate from people who seem to be orange and green (most of my peers).

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Coaches have got a bad rep because of all the charlatans amongst them. Some of them just did one course and believe they do a better job than a well-educated psychologist, which is not the case. I think coaches dwell more in the new age stuff so orange and blue people will definitely react more negative to them because of it

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Lol I noticed the same. I also live in Brazil and when I touch the subject of coaching people almost always react negatively.

Edited by Espaim

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14 minutes ago, Quicksilver said:

Because most are crooked scam artists

That's a pretty big statement you are making, on what bases do you say that?

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I noticed many people hate Tony Robbins a lot and they associate being a coach with doing stuff that Tony Robbins does


See things as they are

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1 hour ago, Recursoinominado said:

That's a pretty big statement you are making, on what bases do you say that?

Personal experience. 

 

Then also theres the principle of skin in the game. A coach is never penalized if his teachings do not help the student. The student loses out, coach just cashes in the money and moves on to bs the next guy.

 

Trust me,finding an actual good coach is really really hard.

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@Recursoinominado I couple factors. As others have said sometimes coaches/teachers an ulterior agenda . Perhaps a coach is trying to sell a personal development package and doesn't genuinely care about helping people, the coach might want to make money and get famous -  and takes advantage of others. . . . Secondly, quite often egos do not want to be coached/taught. There is a level of openness and willingness. Let's say that there is a coach that genuinely wants to empower people for success or a teacher that genuinely wants to teach people knowledge.  Some egos don't want to be coached or taught. It is a particular personality dynamic. Within this dynamic, a person may think "He thinks he better because he is a coach. . . She thinks she is so smart because she has a phd. I'm smarter than her. She can't even prove I'm wrong". . . So a couple things going on - the coach could be ingenuine or a person may perceive a coach through a lens of cynicism. There can also be various mixtures of the two. 

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10 hours ago, Quicksilver said:

 

Trust me,finding an actual good coach is really really hard.

What makes a coach a good coach? What makes a coach a bad coach? How do I differentiate between the two?

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Yes I've noticed that. I'm from Brazil and also a coach, my best friend who is a therapist is super judgmental towards life coaching, to the point of sharing funny memes making fun of coaches on social media. I asked her why she holds that position and she said "coaches don't even know what hey are doing, they have not studied like psychologists, they should not be able to help anyone" I feel like if she is attacking someone who is trying to help the world, it might be because her identity is being threatened, and seeing through her eyes: she studied 5 years to be a therapist and seeing a coach helping people makes her feel like her time was wasted, PLUS people don't want to change, if you think about the way brazilians see therapists is the same or worse POV, my whole family is fucked up and they always judged me for going to therapists, they are in a deep state of delusion, whatever is here to help them they will negate at first, Brazil is a traditional and conservative country, they like to maintain things the same, value family, religion etc, also the ego likes to stay the same, stability conformity, everything that is new and unknown is scary. 

Brazil is predominantly Blue, with some orange in Sao Paulo and some more developed cities, and greenish in south of Brazil, so they are very close minded overall. Like Aldous Huxley said  “If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusion.” whatever threatens their ignorance will be attacked, with coach won't be different, be sure of yourself and know you are in this mostly alone, find your tribe just so you are not put down by the ignorance of the majority. 

Good luck :)

Edited by MsNobody

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare

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15 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:

I noticed many people hate Tony Robbins a lot and they associate being a coach with doing stuff that Tony Robbins does

To comment on the general coaching thing, those that can't do, teach

Tony Robbins is probably the best public speaker in the world, he can communicate and sell anything.  There is a function for his work and a lot of people get introduced into personal growth knowing about him first.  After that some people start getting into deeper stuff like Eckhart or Byron Katie, Buddhist Philosophy and so on.  

Many people need motivation because they dont have confidence. This is why most coaches are needed.

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People here in Brazil think they don't need external help from anyone. Coaching, self-help and things like that are categorized as woo woo bullshit by many orange / green SD people because they think they got to the highest intelectual place they could ever get all by themselves. They don't need therapy, much less the goddamn coaches. 

It's a though place to surviving, I don't blame anyone in particular... But it's funny to notice that the people tha mock coching are generally the same folks that would benefit a lot from it. Go figure

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Because they have misunderstood what a coach is. A coach/life coach or whatever you wanna call it is not about giving advice. There is nothing I as a life coach can give you more of, because I do not know the client or believe I am "above" him/her. However, I have a good experience in triggering the client to reach an end-result with the session, which is usually clarifying what the client wants. 

On a daily basis we have so many different issues and problems etc. that w just wanna have someone to talk to, in order to sort it all out. As a coach I will have a perspective of the client which can sort everything out and guide the client toward what he/she wants through questioning him/her. This will open up the answers for the client himself. I don't give the answers, they give themselves the answers.

I got interested in life coaching because I always used to walk around talking/coaching myself, and I eventually got really good at it. I thought, wow, I start with a problem and then just 30 minutes later of asking some questions and seeing the problems from different perspectives the problem is gone. Most people just keep it inside themselves and so it never goes away, they never resolve it and never make anything out of it. So I thought, why not help other people with this as well? 

When it comes to us thinking we know more than a psychologist, absolutely f*cking not. There is not even a comparison, they are 2 totally different things. I am interested in psychology and sure, sometimes I can give advice which can actually help the client. My coaching used to be a bit more straight-forward, since I learnt from my dad, as a sort of "kick you in the ass and get you moving"-type of motivation. This worked really well too, and string that along with some personal philophies – it can actually change people's lives. If it helps people, no matter who it's coming from, then isn't that amazing enough? People are too focused on the labels. I could probably learn something from a child which I would not be able to learn from any "PHD"-*insert a fancy title here*. Life is an open place, and there should be no restrictions.

Sure there might be coaches bullshitting, but isn't everything in life just bullshitting anyways? I rather wanna get advice from someone with a burning passion for what they do, than a psychology major not giving a shit about his work but only in it for the money. At the same time I'd rather wanna get advice from a psychology major loving his job with a burning passion than a 'life coach' with zero passion and knowledge only in it for the money (scam artist), you get my point?

So don't listen to what they say... do your thing and do it well.

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I think amongst all of this it is important to remember that it is possible to learn from everyone; Including bad coaches. I feel like everyone has something great to share or to teach, even if that is only a minority of all that they're teaching. If you're not just simply naive and buying everything they say at face value, if you're simply not doing that, then it's still possible to learn a lot from even the worst of people. Be open yet vigilant.

So don't forget that. The quality of the coach matters, but what is equally important or perhaps even more important is the attitude you bring towards this coach. It is for instance very easy to dismiss someone when they say something or do something that goes against your beliefs or expectations. In that way, you're not really going to find any coach that is suitable whatsoever— even if you actually meet very great people.


I am using a new account named "Nightwise". In in fact intend to stop using this account from now on and use that account instead. So I am not planning on using these two account interchangeably or intermittently. Only "Nightwise" from now on. I am doing so merely because I like the username much more. For some reason, that feels to be important to me. 

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On 31/10/2019 at 4:01 PM, Cudin said:

People here in Brazil think they don't need external help from anyone. Coaching, self-help and things like that are categorized as woo woo bullshit by many orange / green SD people because they think they got to the highest intelectual place they could ever get all by themselves. They don't need therapy, much less the goddamn coaches. 

It's a though place to surviving, I don't blame anyone in particular... But it's funny to notice that the people tha mock coching are generally the same folks that would benefit a lot from it. Go figure

I noticed that here in Brazil, many Green psychologists are against coach. But, yeah, there are many charlatans here and it would be very advisable to get a degree in Psychology before coaching. Dealing with heavy emotional and psychological stuff is not easy.

I took a lot of misguided advices from coaches on the internet and had a psychosis. I understand now what I put in my mind is my responsibility, but when I was an average Orange dude, I couldn't understand that.

There are many coaches out there who don't understand the nuances of the psyche and do a lot of harm. Why? Because it is very easy to manipulate a person with emotional and psychological issues. Many people (or coaches) will say: "oh, but that's victim mentality." And, yeah, that's EXACTLY this victim mentality that coaches do not understand how to deal with and they should be trained for.

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On 30/10/2019 at 0:49 PM, Recursoinominado said:

I don't know if this is a Brazil thing or if this happens in other countries but there seems to be a LOT of hate for coaches in general, even the word "coach" has taken a negative tone. I have met LOTs of people who said they hate coaches even though it is 100% certain that they don't even know what a coach does. It seems to be a wave of hate for coaches, the main complaint being that "they (the coaches) sell a success that they don't own themselves". I even had to block some old "friends" from social media because they usually post something hateful toward coaches, making fun of me as they know i am pro-self-development as this is my life purpose and i was risking some motivational posts talking about success mindsets etc. 

Is this blue devilry in action?  I even see this hate from people who seem to be orange and green (most of my peers).

Because a lot of it doesn't work and is just a way to create income. It's the same with naturopathic "medicine". And it's becoming a lot more popular because it's a easy job, you can basically make any old shit up and people will follow it because we're wired to look upto people and follow them, so this is taken advantage of. Unless I see a pattern and can integrate two disciplines together then I don't touch it. I think the best thing we can do is learn to think for ourselves and keep our bullshit detectors on full throttle. 

 

Edited by Nickyy

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I think people resist things that are new, unknown, sound woo woo, threatens their own life decisions, following others blindly 

But def millions are open minded to it 

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It's because of your ego. You think that you are better than the coaches, in some ways at least. 

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I completely agree, the majority of "coaches" are inexperienced, but well-intentioned individuals that are trying to make a career out of helping people.  

In most cases, they have no skills or track-record of implementing success in their profession, create a facade/veneer of success that is disingenuous, and oversimplify human nature/cognition/behaviour, etc. 

With few exceptions, the people that are qualified to be coaches (because of prior success, professional achievements, personal growth) tend to be mentors to people in their profession at no cost.  

I think coaching can be a viable, practical and powerful business.  But these coaches are kidding themselves if the only thing on their resume is a weekend life coaching course. 

 

 

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