Knock

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  1. The only bisexual people I have met have been in their teens or 20's. I haven't met a bisexual over 30. Why is that?
  2. Your first year working is not about the money, its about gaining experience and skills. Once you have exceptional skills in your field, you will get paid exceptionally. Be so good that your boss can't ignore you. Be so good that you have recruitment agencies giving you offers for a better job. Be irreplaceable, then demand a higher salary, because you know your value. Remember to focus should be on growing your roots, and not the fruit. Focus on being irreplaceable, on being a high-value member. Your boss would be an fool to let you go work for a competitor because he tried to be too cheap.
  3. Have intention with your attention. Consistency trumps intensity. When in doubt, default on action. Judge not, least you be judged. Your actions reflect your priorities. Before indulging, ask yourself "have I earnt the freedom"? Actions speak louder than words.
  4. For many people, their identity is attached to their survival. When you attack someone's core belief, they feel like you are attacking them. No one gets into heated debates about what's the best type of apple to eat, but you better watch out when discussing value-driven ideologies like religion and politics. This is why people get defensive when you arguing against their interests. By attacking their interests, you attack their identity and hence their very survival. The trick is to not be adversarial, but friendly. Once their identity involves you as a part of it, they will be more open to liking the things you say and do, even if it goes against one of their other lessor values or beliefs.
  5. I must apologize, I totally projected that pre-baked answer instead of actually addressing your question. We have to come to complete acceptance and understanding of culture for how it is. Instead of seeing fault in ourselves, we can have compassion for ourselves knowing that we are human and will always have and make faults, and that's okay. That's normal. In the same way, we need to look at society, as a collection of people doing their best for survival and making faults along the way. I think the approach to questioning society has to come from really understanding the intent, the motivation behind its choices, and not so much on the choices and norms themselves. I would recommend you look into sociology and systems thinking, as this will address these broader and more nuanced areas.
  6. Self help is a response to society and not the other way around. It brings ideas of self-responsibility, self-love and consciousness, to those who would of never heard it in their ordinary lives. Could you be where you are in development without self help? Just because you can ride a bike now, doesn't mean training wheels are bad. Yes, training wheels are marketed at those that can't ride, who better could they help? Every industry preys on people's sense of lack. Self-help is one of the only industries that provides a solution to transcend that. But to be able to transcend the self, we need to of satisfied our lower needs. You can't teach a child calculus, before he has learnt algebra. Jim Carrey: "I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of, so they can see that is not the answer." As far as I know, self-help and spirituality are the only industry I know that cultivate this development and thus should be last to be criticized for its flaws.
  7. Looks like you have a bone to pick about self-help authors. Why? Strike me down if I am wrong: You sound frustrated with a lack of tangible pragmatic progress in your development, so you are disowning all theoretical components. Thus, in frustration you have swung the pendulum to the other side, chucking out the baby with the bathwater. Practical progress takes time. Don't kill the golden goose for her eggs, don't disown writing and theory as low-value.
  8. @Leo Gura If marketing is highly manipulative, and manipulation is undesirable, how does one consciously choose a career in marketing? Does the ends (selling your product) justify the means (manipulative marketing)?
  9. @AlldayLoop That resonated with me, thank you for sharing. Just a few quotes that jumped out at me: "Don't be afraid of failing, because there is nothing wrong with failing". "There is no one that doesn't fail. We all fail, it's okay!" If it is appropriate, I may share a little self-journalling: When I was younger, I had adopted the belief that my failures define me. I wasn't living to succeed, I was living to not fail. This became my top value, I saw the world as opportunities to fail, so I avoided it all. I could sit safe in my room, not taking action on my life, while I watched and judged others failures. I was judging their failures because I was judging myself. 'If I don't try, I won't have to worry about suffering any loss'. But by not trying, I suffered more deeply, as I was not fulfilling my needs, and deep down I wasn't living the life I wanted. It wasn't until I stopped judging my own failures, that I stopped judging others. We all fail. We are all failures. It is part of living. Do not mock or laugh at those who are brave enough to try, while you sit in your own cowardice. We are all trying our best, with our trouble past, our capabilities and resources we have been shown. Do not look down on someone, unless you are giving them a hand up, for if you were them, you would of done the same thing. Instead, send them love, as you would wish love be sent to you. No need for unsolicited advice, just understanding. When the time is right they will seek higher truth, but for now they are just seeking stable ground. *Felt good to write that out, have a good day everyone
  10. @CreamCat looks like there are different definitions for 'low-effort hacks'. I guess 'hack' is maybe not the best word, as it often infers shortcuts, or short term gain at the detriment of the long term. Maybe we should call them 'beginner friendly practices', but that doesn't have the same ring to it Bringing it back to topic, I like the way you describe momentum and discipline building on itself. Just focusing on starting small is more important than having a grand plan, in my experience, as the momentum carries you inevitably to your grand goals in time anyway.
  11. @Joseph Maynor Unlike yourself, most of us are at ground zero. Low-effort hacks is the ignition source we need to get momentum. I'll meet you in space when I get there
  12. @CreamCat thank you for this list. I am a huge follower of the low-effort hack. I see it as turning onto a the on ramp of a highway. Once you just get started, its harder to turn back, and sometimes the next turnoff isn't for another 30 minutes, which by then you have been productive, should you wish to take it
  13. What you learn on this path, is that you don't truly know anything. Debating is an aggressive stance coming from the ego, like putting a wall between you and someone else. Sincere seeking however is about breaking the wall down, inviting others to share with you. If you are here to prove a point, you are not here to learn. Most people are here to learn. Stay humble. Ask questions sincerely. That is when you will grow.
  14. @Dumivid I would not worry about any of the above questions, as they will only distract you. Trust me, I've seen it a thousand times (prove me wrong ) Talking about gym without going to the gym first is putting the cart before the horse, it only gets in your way. In terms of cardio or weights, do what feels best for you. Just get to the gym. Make it a habit. This is 90% of it. Nutrition, eating times, specific exercises - all a distraction, for now. Just get to the gym. Don't miss a workout for 4 weeks, then get back to me / forums.
  15. Actualised last week 29/07/2019 – 02/07-2019 Over the past week, I have been able to spend a significant amount of time on the forums I would estimate around somewhere around 10-12 hours over the past 4 days. I have also been commenting a bit more than usual, as there have been a number of topics of particular interest that have arise over the week. Of particular interest, there was a post on lacking direction and ambition. Seeing this as a period that I once had gone through, I decided to write a lengthy post on the pragmatic advice that had helped me. It was great to see others posting encouraging advice and I feel most were lacking practicality. Either way, I hope that the OP and others reading got value out of reading my post as it did take some time to type up 😊 I started a thread on the fitness subforum about my struggles with Hatha Yoga, however I was disappointed with the lack of responses. I had thought that most people here would of done yoga before and could share their experiences or insights on how to help me (and others reading) on how to get over the initial troubles of working on the poses. I am grateful however for the 1 response, and it pointed to flexibility that might be the issue, which I think might be the problem. I stumbled across a great response to a thread about inauthenticity when trying out new behaviours. One of the responders gracefully pointed out a fact that I have overlooked when contemplating this question, which is the fact that, what is your true self, but another identity that you have attached too. This brought me towards a new perspective on authenticity. Can changing something that was never authentic in the first place, be inauthentic? Next I came across a video on Richard Feynman, inquiring the motive behind asking ‘why’ to questions. It reminded me of always asking ‘why’ an innumerable number of times to my parents about the ways things are, an experience I am sure many of us share. Feynman’s response was interesting, as it opened up the idea of preconceived common beliefs that are essential to give context to any ‘why’ answers, or else the point gets fundamentally missed or caught up in overwhelming array of other concepts. Lastly I delved into the Relationships/sexuality subforum, which is often very polarising with all the different beliefs people have about relationships. The post that caught my attention in particular was one asking if romantic relationships are dead. Now, I know the title was purposely made to be provocative, but long term relationship advice doesn’t get much love around here. The first responder made a great point, noting that short term relationship advice is easier to sell, hence why much of the focus in the area is on the initial attraction and pickup techniques, implying that is what dating is mostly about. I felt compelled to add the point that the reality of dating is very different from what you see on the internet. Just like how porn doesn’t depict real sex, or commercial news doesn’t depict whats actually happening in the world, most topics on the internet about ‘what girls are like’ is so far removed from actuality that it creates so many false beliefs that further lead men astray in the dating world. I am actually quite passionate about this, as I have seen an internet obsessed friend (my old roommate) become so deluded from reading crazy beliefs and conspiracy theories on the internet, that their behaviour started isolating themselves from society, creating a downward spiral, that they are still stuck in to this day (even 2 years later). What is worse, is that they continually consume the same radical ideas from their internet echo chamber, that they are convinced that everyone else (99.99% of society) is wrong and hence won’t accept any help, despite their social, mental, financial (they quit working) and physical health decline. It breaks my heart to see such a troubled soul, that has so much potential, give up all the good in their life, for some radical belief that is fuelled on hatred and fear. But enough about that, time for this weeks 3 gratiudes: 1. I am grateful that my parents get to go overseas for 7 weeks to enjoy their well earnt retirement 2. I am grateful for having the time to read all the insightful posts on Actualised.org this week 3. I am grateful for being able to witness a beautiful sunset this afternoon.