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I see, glad to know what i shared didn't apply to you. Psychedelic therapy helped me tremendously with my depression and moving forward in life. There really isn't anything better that I know of. I know youre not looking for anything spiritual, but psychedelics can really help with depression and emotional "issues" more than anything else. Spirituality to me is just connecting with yourself and finding your own bliss, which is completely unique to you, so I wouldn't worry about that too much. You wouldn't even have to do therapy with them, just do some micro dosing or take a dose that feels right, comfortable, and isn't pushing yourself, then contemplate whatever is bothering you and that you want to change.

Names have been changed for the sake of privacy ---- Saturday, January 29th my son and I smoked 5-MeO-DMT in the form of toad venom I am a 60 year old man living in Los Angeles, in good health without significant disease. I am taking only thyroid hormone replacement and am not using any other herbs or supplements. I have a history of what would probably be called recreational psychedelic use stretching back to 17 years of age when I began experimenting with various substances including psilocybin, LSD, and mescaline. Usually these were taken in a party setting in conjunction with alcohol and later, often along with cocaine and methamphetamine, and although managing to shine through with some profound existential glow, they were not employed with the intent of formal spiritual quest other than that of absolute freedom. I am an alcoholic and have been sober since 1992. This includes all other drug and psychedelic compounds. Until recently. My son, Mason, with whom I share a deep connection, had also been sitting with various psychedelics since he was 16. While I was busy with work and raising his younger brothers and sisters, he was finding his way along the esoteric pathways of stoicism, hermeticism and the myriad ancient and resurgent wisdom traditions loosely aligned with nonduality. By this point I had been a rational material atheist for the majority of my life having grown disaffected and suspicious of the edicts, expectations, and explanations offered during my Catholic upbringing. This would change in a ten minute span. 3 years ago, Mason informed me he was thinking about extracting and working with N,N-Dimethyltryptamine (DMT). He asked me what I thought of it and, of course, I supported him. He perfected the extraction on his own, engaged with the substance, and would frequently report back the wild details of his travels. I asked him if he thought that I might benefit and he felt that I would. Despite some initial late life trepidation, my experience was transformative. In ten minutes I was shown there is a transcendent other; layers of etheric energy beings both within and without us, up through to the source of all creation, which is not separate from us. I was shown how life was a gift we were giving ourselves. That it is a game written in light. That there is nothing to worry about. Life and death are just part of the dream. And because everything unfolds in the service of love. We shared plant medicine both together and separately until, 3 months ago, the opportunity came to sit with a team offering 5meo DMT of the Incilius alvarius variety. Our experience together was deeply profound and reaffirmed the root truth of all mystical teachings. That we are all manifestation of the One loving intelligence. And that despite our seeming struggles, we are always safe. Always peaceful. Eternal. Details of this encounter can be found in my son’s eloquent and moving trip report entitled “The Toad, 5-MeO-DMT Trip Report” After a 3 month period of integration we were called to sit with the medicine once again. I set an intention for the service. Surrender. My first encounter had been quite gentle, having no memory of the rapid come up until I was revealed as pure loving presence. This time I hoped to be able to face the unnamable such that I might lose myself more consciously into it. ---- In a short period of time we found ourselves back in the arms of our loving team. Jeremy, which also happens to be my name, Alicia, and Luna. The ceremony was, again, to be held at Luna’s warm and inviting home which sits in natural organic resonance on the cliffs over the ocean. “What do you think about doing a meditation dose to begin with”, Jeremy asked both Luna, Mason and I together?. I am always nervous prior to both plant and toad medicine ceremonies and this seemed like a good way to relax into the experience. “Just a little handshake to focus on the breathing and center the heart”, Jeremy said. “You’ll be aware throughout”. “Some people don’t feel the need to go further in afterwards so we will check in with you after a few minutes“. The sun had just set. The two great west facing windows stare like eyes, out over the steely ocean. Orange, red and yellow stained glass shards of light dancing on the surface, out into the infinite. ---- My son and I were cleansed with sage and Florida water. Seated cross-legged in meditation position side by side on soft floor mats adorned with the visage of Ganesha. As I had been served first previously, Mason would begin tonight. He was offered and received the small dose via the eclipse vaporizer in one inhalation without disturbance in his peace or posture I was offered the medicine and received it in kind. Immediately my inner and outer world became a cathedral of shadowed silver latticework. My heart quickened and I focused on my breathing. There was the knowing of a great power just beyond my senses. Ancient. Aware. I fought the urge to fall backward into it, wanting to save my surrender for the breakthrough dose. Rather than being a gentle handshake, my ego was on high alert, sensing its perilous position. I considered not continuing further but soon was aware of my son, standing, folded hands holding the medicine close to his heart and reading the prayer from the card before him. We were both to take the medicine standing and to fall back into the arms of our guides as the substance took hold. Music came up. Soft and supportive. First two deep practice breaths and then. One. Long. Gentle. Inhale. Deep into the diaphragm. Arms being assisted out and up over his head. Then, falling back into the cradle of life. There was some initial hushed busying around him. Pillows to support. Arms into surrender pose. The silence was broken by a scream. “Jesus!” Mason yelled in utter astonishment. The sound was of a man facing the unthinkable. “Jesus!. He sat up, bending at the waist and met by the tender, silent care of our attendants. Then, “Jeremy! ” Mason shouted. I froze, stunned by the invocation of the name; both mine and that of our shaman. Two more times, “Jeremy!” “Jeremy!” By this point I am sobbing softly to myself. Partly because my son is calling me and I will claw through heaven and earth to find him. Mostly, though, I am crying because I know. He is staring at the face of God. "Jai!" (victory) "Jai! " (victory) I look at Luna worriedly but she places a hand on her heart and shakes her head, no. “Just keep meditating”, offers Alicia in a whisper. In a moment he is at peace, remembering who he is. ---- Now it is my turn. I stand up, a little shaken. “I’m anxious,” I whisper to Alicia. “It's normal “she smiles. They are moving me forward with steady reassurance. “Hold the medicine between your palms and read this aloud”. “Will this be like before? “, I ask Jeremy. “Oh yeah!” he reassures. It will be beautiful. Alicia will serve. Jeremy will catch. “Hold the medicine close to your heart”. I read the prayer out loud. “I accept that the joy that I have longed for is already in my life" "I accepted the love for which I have prayed is already within me..." The first two practice breaths, then one long slow deep inhalation. “More”. “More”. “A little more”. “Good, now hold!". The features of the room become defined by the same, silver lattice energy. Then, POP! Arms now outstretched like bird wings I fall back into oblivion. I am aware of being safely caught, lowered and positioned on the ground. Then it comes. Not in images so much, but as an energetic presence bearing down fast. I begin to feel my body, my sense of self, unraveling. Suddenly it is upon me. Unimaginable beauty, unfathomable complexity, unbearable power and infinite expanse. Roiling like the sun. Shape-shifting into impossible dimensionality. It is light beyond seeing. Presence beyond boundary. It is taking me apart one atom at a time and it is demanding my surrender. There is an emotion different from fear. An existential dread. There is no previous similar experience with which to measure and compare. I have been deposited directly into the heart of the unmanifest, preconditional, thermonuclear everything generator, and unrelenting grist mill of reality. And I am resisting. It is like holding back an exploding star, though, and soon there is not enough left of me to distinguish. In a heartbeat, there is complete obliteration of self, and annihilation of all subject object relationships. I scream at the top of my lungs. A scream of resignation. An offering of energy. The final exhalation/exaltation. The acceptance of death. I am gone. In my place is a unification with, and as, all of the unbridled, roaring, infinite power of unmanifest being. With the collapse of space/time comes omnipotence, omnipresence, omniscience. Immediate understanding of everything that has ever been. And of why. Which is, of course, the expression of unconditional love. But not love as a desire. Not love as a stroll with a lover through a Parisian garden. Not even as love between mother and child. But love as a locomotive tearing up the tracks of conceptualization and judgement. Love as recognition and celebration of the glory of its own unfathomable, miraculous being. A power that calls itself into manifestation, expressed as infinite distinctions, dancing through relationships. Impossible to experience as a “me” or a “you", yet present in contracted form, as all things. Each particle of perfection plotting its path home. Sometimes this looks like suffering. Sometimes this looks like bliss. Each distinction giving birth to and informing its opposite until they meet, surrendering their separateness, collapsing, liberated in the heart. Just as we must inevitably surrender our distinctions. Our opposing qualities. Life and death. This is a gift from you to you. A game of losing and finding. Sleeping and waking. Forgetting and remembering. What is asked is the surrender of everything. What you get in return is yourself. ---- At last, fully surrendered I became it Completely free "I'm so happy" it said through me. Not as a statement of experience, but as an expression of its essence. That happiness is simply what we are once all fear is gone. "I'm so happy" we continued, "I'm so happy" “I’m so happy” I became aware that I was sobbing Fighting the urge to get up now I allowed myself the gift of fingerpainting with my mind, the details of reality. I looked into, and became my wife. I saw her goodness, beauty and strength. I saw how we had created each other and felt her love for me as real and pure. And began to weep again. I started moving in and out of all of the people I have known, friends, family, and even public figures: Jesus, Hitler and such… to know myself as them. To demystify and de-monster-fy them in shared humanness and divinity. As the medicine lay me back gently Into my body Into my life I held onto the deep knowing, that there is nothing, and has never been anything, but the one self, which manifests as this dream of doing and being. A living that can never be threatened. Always both lover and beloved, dancing together alone. “There is no power but you” came the silent wisdom “There is no power but you!” I yelled. Then two more times “There is no power but you!” “There is no power but you!” The simple truth of it was undeniable "This time I'm going to bring it back", I said, "But they're never going to believe me" “they’re never going to believe me” “they’re never going to believe me” Now back in my body, I considered my predicament. All of manifest reality, from God to God particle telescoping up and down, nested and interpenetrating through me, as me. I thought about the everyday worries that I had dragged with me into this space. "I surrender," I whispered out loud. And was released.

You will come to know yourself as a creator being of limitless power. Time, space, energy and matter are all illusions created to make certain types of games work and could be easily manipulated. When you know that you are a part of the oneness, then the illusions only work when you want them to work. So these things become flexible. Then you see that time and space are the same thing. They are simply an illusory separation of things. Energy is created by this separation and flows between two or more points that were separated by the illusion of time and space. Matter is simply the result of holding patterns of consciousness in the flow of the energy. Up till now, you have believed yourself to be inside the illusion. You have looked at the forms that result and, not only have you believed these things to be real, but you have actually believed yourselves to be these forms. But it is not so. These forms, which result from the patterns, are not you. They are just your temporary creations. You will see that. You will see that you are the creator of your form. And then you will learn how to alter the forms that you create, to your will. I mean, you will be able to consciously create, or co-create, your world, your body and anything around you, as you wish. Then you will learn instant teleportation. You will be able to simply let go of a form here, where you are, and your body will simply disappear into nothingness, only to reappear from the nothingness elsewhere on the planet. Or, indeed on another planet, if you wish. All you need to do is hold your form's patterns in energy there and then you shall be there. Or, at least the form you are using to represent yourself shall be there. Teleportation is the favored mode of transport for high-order unity conscious beings throughout the universe. Neither space nor time will be an obstacle for you! And, of course, you will never again feel the need to die. Death is a very important and valuable tool for beings on the Karmic Wheel. It is quite normal for beings still on that path to get lost in their games and illusions and to lose sight of the greater purpose and goal of their journey. Not only do such beings get a little lost and confused, but they also begin to create a great deal of pain, fear and confusion for themselves. So, death was created to allow these beings to interrupt their passage so that they could, with some regularity, be brought back to their intended path. Death allows a means for the being to bring their journey to a halt and return to a higher consciousness for guidance and help. Without its merciful release, those beings would become very weary and traumatized. But, as you move into a state of being pure, radiant love, such release becomes utterly unnecessary. There will be nothing you will need release from. If you ever require rest, you may simply still your being and put down your burden and you will instantly find yourself in that state of blissful, balanced, harmonious oneness that is your truest nature. And for you this will be as normal as a night's sleep currently is. These are some of the general attributes of a life in true unity consciousness or God-realization. And being of unity consciousness is the same thing as being Love. The perfect, unconditional love of All That Is. Attaining such awareness and being of such high consciousness is not a limitation. You will not find yourself confined to a life such as I have just outlined. You might, for example, choose to reside in unity consciousness and, from there, make expeditions into the lower realms of separation and duality on missions of discovery or adventures of service for those who require guidance on the journey to God-realization. Or you could move through the portal of the oneness and go and visit other realities entirely. I don't simply mean other places in this universe or other universes, no, I mean other entirely different frames of creation. Creations, which do not operate at all like this one does. As you move from a place of oneness, you can enter any other realm that is within the oneness. And you may go and create there if you desire. This is all open for you to choose. You shall realize very quickly too that you no longer need a three or four dimensional perspective. You will realize that you can operate from outside of time. This means that you might want to maintain a life in one reality and, at the same time, explore and create in a thousand others. There are no limitations on you, save those which you place upon yourself. These are some of the general traits of the life of a being who creates its world entirely with love and who lives in a unity-conscious reality. It is what you can expect for yourself if you open your heart to love, and then stay the course on your journey to oneness. But they are only general traits and you will be free, of course, to choose other experiences if you wish them. As to the specifics of your life – where you will live, how you will live, what you will do – these, of course, are questions you will answer for yourself. I cannot tell you what you will decide. But I can tell you that you will be able, if you wish it, to live a truly sublime life. If you decide to surround yourself with others who are also of God-realized consciousness, then you shall feel nothing but soul-connection on all sides. You shall be held in the soft embrace of love all the days of your existence. You shall trust all whom you meet and your trust shall be returned. You shall seek always to give your greatest gift and you shall be loved and respected for your giving. And whatever your greatest gift is, it shall indeed be something worthy of your time and attention. And you will give your gift away with open-hearted generosity. You shall never need to ask, "But what is in it for me?" because all those around you will be likewise giving their greatest gift. And in an infinite universe, there is guaranteed to be someone, somewhere whose greatest bliss it is to create exactly the thing that you might think you want or need. Taking your need to them will be a gift to them! The fact that you have need of their greatest gift will bless them. And that will be the new economy of the new world in which you shall dwell if you choose to live amongst others who are of unity consciousness. You will give and give and give. And when someone takes of your gift, it will bring you joy. And if there is something you want or need, you shall simply have to accept it, as it will be offered to you. Your accepting it will bring the giver joy. Love shall be the currency of the new world of the God-realized, but the result of every transaction will be joy for all concerned. Greg

1, What I said was, if it were designed as a humanoid, specifically a humanoid mind, it would be more likely, because it would be copying what already exists. Not who or what created it. While your point is an interesting line of thinking it ultimately ends up deadlocked. 1.A) We could say conscious things creating something are more likely to create consciousness rather than random chance. If random chance were capable of creating more life, then we'd find it on more planets or just in more of our own creations. Even with many people specifically working on trying to create AI for example its not happened, so that's far from completely random chance either, even if it contains a lot of unknown variables and unknown questions being answered right now. 1.B) The counter argument is made in the same statement. Many people are trying deliberately to create consciousness and it hasn't happened yet. Also the universe is to our best understanding infinite, so there is a lot of random chance going on, compared to our small effort here on earth, and its already happened once in us. Neither of these points were what I was talking about but its an interesting sidetrack. 2, I can't compare a man working as a driver to a washing machine or toaster. We could discuss everything you've omitted that's present in the man and not present in the toaster, but honestly it would be an absurd premise to start with. Based on our understanding, for consciousness to be present, or in focus, there has to be a certain amount of synaptic activity that is simply not present in a toaster for example. So again I will completely disagree here and leave it at that. 3, When you leave your body there is. That answers it, when you do or become the room etc, you won't have that question anymore. I agree there is no other way I found of answering it, apart from maybe bliss states or the white light reality state but that is more an experiential state. On spirits, only third eye work gives you that, again you can dismiss and we'll disagree about it because you've not had those experiences. I don't claim to be an expert, only that i've experienced it multiple times so for me its a confirmed fact of my life.

@SQAAD There are no biases of body. There is bias that someone wants to keep body alive and therefore it needs to do whatever is needed to keep that functional. You are not conscious what pain is, because after all it's just sensation and I did strong determination sitting meditation and when I finally surrended to the pain, suffering went away and there came bliss. Suffering is resisting that what happens anyways. Now you just made that up and see that this is also a thought. Point is just to be conscious of all biases and what you want and when you know what you want then be "biased" towards that. Thing is that most of us have lot of biases that actually lead to the opposite direction that where we really want to go. Also when you "want" something and when that does not happen you suffer, because things didn't go your way. That's the main reason why you should stop being biased towards things that you can't control. Hope that this helps you to understand better : )

@Striving for more Try to use your creative power to create stuff in your life/reality. When we are not using that creative source, we get bored and release it through other means. Nothing inherently wrong with masturbation. Its just a way to release your creativity. Sadly it just goes to waste, most of the time. Releasing is not only for letting out creativity, its also for releasing heavy emotions, releases built up and stored negativity, letting off some steam, it relaxes the body and it reminds you how it feels to be in ecstasy and bliss (when you orgasm) It reminds you of your True Nature. Nothing is good or bad. Its just what it is for whats needed in the moment. if you feel guilty for masturbating, try inspecting that guilt and reprogram your view on it. Next time, fap consciously. And maybe you wont feel like you need it as much and your desire for it might be more balanced.

Hey guys, I'd like to know your thoughts or experiences with the kundalini technique 'kriya supreme fire' as taught in Santata Gamana's books. It seems like a very potent practice but time and time again I've heard people say that forceful practices to arouse kundalini can easily result in negative effects and complications if you are not careful and do it under guidance of an expert. I have an amazing teacher and have received shaktipat from him many times with many kundalini symptoms, however I've not had a full awakening yet with bliss and energy up the spine. I just did a short round of this practice and immediately felt vibrations and shocks and symptoms, and many have said great things about it. Would love to hear what you have to say. Thanks!

492. Summary: Introducing 5-MeO-MALT - The Other God Molecule -5-MeO-MALT is a little-known research chemical that’s as powerful, if not more powerful, than 5-MeO-DMT. Leo’s had some ridiculously powerful God realizations on MALT. MALT is not as well documented as 5-MeO-DMT. Because of this the potential dangers are higher with MALT than with more common psychedelics like LSD, shrooms and DMT. Do not do research chemicals unless you are mature and understand exactly what you’re getting yourself into. The responsibility is on you to use these substances very carefully and to follow all safety protocols and guidelines. -Don’t expect MALT or any psychedelic to be a magic pill that solves all your inner issues. Drugs won’t let you side step the need for inner work, meeting your survival needs intelligently, grounding between trips and proper integration. -The descriptions of MALT in this episode are based on Leo’s experiences. There aren’t many trip reports out there, so we’re dealing with a tiny sample size. Your experience will likely be different because Leo’s a very experienced psychonaut who follows proper safety protocols. He’s done hundred of trips and years of inner work. You might have to spend years working up to the kind of beautiful trips that Leo has experienced on MALT. -In this summary, DMT refers to 5-MeO-DMT and not n,n-DMT. ___________________________________ In a nutshell: 5-MeO-MALT is more loving, gentle, feminine and erotic than 5-MeO-DMT. MALT has all the same qualities as DMT, but in a different flavour. It’s holistic, very stable and great for contemplation and trip exploration (more on that below). Visuals are mild. It has a lower body load than DMT. Start with a low dose then work your way up. Be responsible. Ensure that your set, setting, and dosages are proper. At high doses, MALT packs an epic mindfuck that will melt your whole reality down to a puddle. Say goodbye to all sense of “other.” If you have big fears about solipsism, don’t take MALT. MALT & Dosing: The trip lasts 90 to 120 mins when plugged. Only 20 to 30 mins when vaped. Dosing is similar for MALT as it is for DMT. Plugging starter dose: 8-10 mg Vaping starter dose: 5 mg Plugging is perfect for MALT. Vaping is more intense and more likely to lead to a bad trip. The trip is a lot shorter too. Micro scoops are more accurate than milligram scales. Scales can be wildly inaccurate, unless they're laboratory grade. But scales are fine for measuring shrooms and maybe even DPT. -Make sure to post your trip reports!! Leo’s excited to get feedback about MALT and start gathering data. @Gerhard has good trip reports about his experiences with MALT on his channel. They can be found here. The MALT mega-thread can be found here. It has a few trip reports too! ____________________________________ -MALT has enormous potential to psychologically and spiritually heal people. It deserves to be explored and researched. We're making history by talking about it. Even most serious psychonauts don't know about MALT, and they’re missing out! Leo discovered MALT by experimenting with various research chemicals. He didn’t invent it in a lab of course, which is too bad. I was hoping he had a secret drug dealer name, à la Heisenberg. -There’s a powerful love component to MALT. If you want to discover the Absolute, Infinite Love of God this is an effective way to do it. -MALT will show you that everything is an infinite hallucination, infinite imagination, that absolutely everything you thought was real is unreal. Things like science, math, logic, reason, language, society, humanity, the Earth, human history. MALT will take you to Infinity and God realization. You will be coming face to face with God. -MALT is not a recreational psychedelic. Don’t do this at a party around a bunch of people in a loud setting. Do this with a serious spiritual intent. -Leo’s never had a bad trip on MALT, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t have a bad trip. Leo starts with low doses and observes all proper safety protocols (set, setting, dosage). -Exploration can be dangerous and risky, so you need to be aware of those risks. How much risk are you willing to handle? Misusing MALT can cause genuine injury, both psychologically and physically. If you give a normie MALT and just blast his consciousness, he’ll have a bad trip because he's not prepared. Your Body and Senses on MALT • MALT has no tolerance just like DMT. You could dose often, but you shouldn’t do it more than once a week. Don’t do it multiple times a day either. It can become addictive. • MALT has very mild visuals. Slightly stronger visuals than 5-MeO-DMT, but not nearly as many as n,n-DMT. There’s no fractal geometry. It has a faint neon, magenta tint that’s very beautiful. It has more colour and flavor than 5-MeO-DMT. • MALT is much more comfortable, manageable and less nauseating. It still has a body load but less so compared to DMT. A lower body load means you can focus more on contemplation rather than body discomfort. DMT has a pretty strong body load for most people, especially when you're coming up. You can feel nauseated or get all tense. You may have to work through bodily tension in order to access the deeper, metaphysical, existential aspects necessary for contemplation and consciousness raising. • You’re still very much in control of your body with low to medium doses of MALT. Because it doesn’t distort the visual field very much, you’re less likely to lose control of your body. Although that could happen if you take too much of it. High doses or breakthrough doses of MALT can create such deep states of infinite consciousness that you won't really be able to walk around very much. Your Consciousness on MALT • MALT is holistic and very stable. Because MALT is stable with a long trip time, you can stay in the God-realization state for much longer than with DMT. You can also experience long strands of thought which makes it great for contemplation. Shrooms can give you short, twisty, loopy thoughts, which makes it less holistic. • At high enough doses, terrifying levels of Oneness, Love and Ecstasy are possible. (It’s almost as euphoric as watching Cap’ lift Mjolnir for the first time ?) Yes, it is possible to experience so much Love and Unity that it scares you and drives you crazy. Leo talks about this here in his interview with Curt Jaimungal. Part of your spiritual work is raising your capacity to experience greater and greater levels of love and bliss. • Too much MALT can unravel your mind and reality. You can potentially develop mental disorders and lose grounding in your life. You might start acting out in unhealthy ways with your relationships, career, money, your physical body, etc. • MALT is very solipsistic. If you want to maintain the illusion of other people, this substance is not for you. • It'll blast away all your ideas about enlightenment and the stuff your gurus have taught you. All of that is nonsense compared to what MALT can show you. Substance Purity -You have to be careful about the purity of whatever substance you’re taking. One way to judge purity is by color. The closer it is to white or off-white, the purer the formulation. If a substance is darker in color, you should start with an extra low starter dose. Just make sure you’re not having any allergic reaction to impurities. Your body should feel good and comfortable, like nothing's being damaged. -Start slow, dose gradually (by 5 mg), until you figure out your personal breakthrough dose. Check for allergic reactions or weird sensations. Does it feel healthy or toxic? -MALT is naturally brown. The MALT Leo used was the color of brown sugar. Other trip reports say it looks like hot chocolate powder. Route of Administration -Don't assume you can handle a medium dose right off the bat. MALT is very easy to overdo and overuse because it's very potent. The most that Leo has done is 22 mg plugged. That caused a crazy deep trip. Plugging Plugging is the recommended method for MALT. Leo has a video on plugging. Summary is found here. You can plug the freebase or HCL version, but freebase must be dissolved in vinegar or coconut milk. Here’s a video on how to do that. Freebase is also 10-20% more potent than HCL. A trip lasts 90 to 120 mins when plugged. For plugging, start with 8 to 10 mg. That will produce a solid trip, maybe even a breakthrough trip (Leo had a breakthrough at 10mg). After that, you can increase your dose by 5 mg for each subsequent trip. Vaping You can vape MALT, but it’s more likely to lead to a bad trip. It makes the trip more intense and short. It’s also bad for your lungs. MALT is so extremely potent that it’s easy to overdose and blast yourself into a trip you can’t handle. The HCL version doesn't vape as cleanly as the freebase version. A trip lasts 20 to 30 mins when vaped. For vaping, start very low, like 5 mg, and gradually work your way up. Even 10 mg will be very powerful. 15 mg will probably be stratospheric. Comparing Different Psychedelics -Structurally MALT is quite similar to 5-MeO-DMT. If you have plenty of experience with DMT then you'll feel right at home with MALT. -MALT has some crazy deep potential for Love realization, while being less intense than DMT. It’s quite a potent combination! MALT trips are longer, so you can explore the space a lot more practically than DMT. -MALT is more feminine, loving, pleasant and positive than DMT. DMT is amazing, but can be rough, masculine and brutal. DMT is very radical in how it deconstructs your ego-mind and takes you straight to God realization. -MALT is more gentle. DMT just blasts you to infinity. DMT can be so shocking that it's difficult to understand and integrate post-trip. MALT is less of a blast to infinity. (Although you can blast yourself with any psychedelic at a high enough dose.) -Don’t assume that all 5-MeOs are the same or good, there are bad ones too. Each psychedelic feels different. 5-MeO-MiPT feels more erotic and physically stimulating than MALT. Whereas, salvia and 5-MeO-DPT feel dangerous, nasty and sinister. Leo’s also tried 5-MeO-DALT and said it was “not worth taking.” -Having breakthroughs on DMT changes the characteristics of all other psychedelics afterwards. It probably changes the characteristics of MALT too. -MALT is holistic and very stable. Two metrics that Leo uses to gauge different psychedelics is holism and stability. Holism -The more holistic a substance is, the more it allows you to think long, deep chains of elevated thought at a higher dimension, especially compared to the thoughts you have during the sober state. -Some psychedelics make it easier to focus and contemplate. Ordinarily, it’s tough to focus without being distracted. This makes contemplation difficult, same with probing deeply into existential questions. In order to understand advanced topics, you need a very very stable mind with excellent focus. Ordinary human neurophysiology doesn’t generally allow this, or requires you to train through meditation and concentration practices. -Some psychedelics can even expand both the length and breadth of your thoughts. Your thoughts can become multi-dimensional, multi-threaded and multi-faceted. Much like going from a single core cpu to a multi-core hyper-threaded cpu. Of course, integrating your insights afterwards can be a challenge. -Unholistic psychedelics will twist your thoughts around, like shrooms and LSD. Your thoughts can get loopy and twisty, like you have ADD. That makes it tougher to contemplate because you lack focus and get lost in a myriad of topics and tangents. That can also veer off into a bad trip, which is not useful for the work of raising your consciousness. Stability -The more stable a substance is the more you can explore your trip, probe into it and luxuriate in it. MALT is remarkably stable, which is part of what makes it amazing. It allows your mind to expand into a God realization state and stay there for a good 30, 60, 90 mins. You can deeply reflect upon every aspect of yourself as God and how you are dreaming up reality, your parents, your birth, other people, even the laws of physics, math and the universe. You get to see in real time how the mechanics of consciousness work and what's really going on with reality. -Even if you’ve had some God realizations, it’s different than understanding the actual mechanism by which God is dreaming up this dream. It took Leo many many many trips to understand that, and he’s had to use various substances to access that understanding. “But Leo, MALT sounds very similar to 5-MeO-DMT. Is there any point in trying it?” -The real answer is you won't know what you’re missing until you try. For Leo, there was enormous value in trying MALT even after using DMT many many times. Each psychedelic will affect you in its own unique way. They’ll also affect different people in different ways. Trying out different substances and comparing them is like having an array of tools in your consciousness toolbox. -If you can't access MALT don't be bummed out. DMT is still amazing, so are shrooms, LSD and n,n-DMT. You can still use other psychedelics to access the same basic insights and states of consciousness. You can also do it through yoga, kriya yoga or meditation if you commit seriously enough. -The choice for “best psychedelic” isn’t clearcut, unlike the choice for best, most superior Chris. Different psychedelics are like different flavours of ice cream. -Be careful about dabbling in psychedelics while thinking that you “know it all.” Just because you’ve tripped a few times doesn’t mean you understand how deep the rabbit hole goes. So keep exploring and going deeper and deeper. “But Leo, you keep having these awakenings and saying that each one’s deeper and better. How do you know that your latest one is the deepest and truest one?” -Insights on MALT do not contradict with insights on DMT, they dovetail. You don’t have to decide “which trip to trust.” Each trip causes a deepening of the same basic truth of Oneness, God, Love, Infinity, Consciousness, Non-Duality. None of that changes. You can explore Truth from different angles, perspectives and flavors and grasp it at different levels of holism. Then you can integrate the Truth and see how it plays out across your life in ever more comprehensive ways. -MALT will help you understand Actualized.org's most advanced teachings. (Yes yes, insert joke about squirting…water pistols—pewpew). You can understand where reality came from, why it exists, what is God, what is Love, what is Truth, what is Consciousness, what is Ego? What is the purpose of Life? MALT makes the highest truth crystal clear, but it’ll take more than a couple trips, because you have a lot of psychological baggage and false beliefs to bust through. You will have to deconstruct materialism, science, your gurus, your attachments, and all your ideas about enlightenment. You need to lay down a foundation to understand all the radical insights that will come to you through MALT. But if you gradually work your way up and do the work that’s taught at Actualized.org, you’ll be prepared. The Legalities of MALT -This episode provides general information about MALT. What you do with this information is 100% your responsibility. Consider the risks and dangers. They’re not just mental and physical, but legal as well. “But Leo, is this substance even legal in my country?” -Well, it depends on the country in which you live. You have to check the laws and check the situation there. Leo ain’t giving you any legal advice. What are the opportunities and the potential risks? -Although MALT is fairly unknown, your country might have various analog laws that ban the entire class of psychedelics. MALT might fall into that category, so do your research! “But Leo, I don't wanna do anything illegal I don't wanna get into trouble.” -Some psychedelics might be legal where you live. There are different types out there. It’s worth researching. -Consider travelling to a country where you can do them legally. There are ayahuasca and peyote ceremonies all over the world, or ibogaine clinics that treat addiction. You have to explore the possibilities and do your research. -Most people have more options than they realize. If you're serious about enlightenment work and you don't take psychedelics seriously, then you're not serious about this work. “But Leo, travelling to do psychedelics is too much of a hassle.” It’s less hassle than spending ten years struggling in meditation and never realizing you're God. Going to meditation retreats or therapy and buying book after book after book is a lot of work too. That costs time, energy and money. Even if it costs $2000 for airfare, hotel and an ayahuasca ceremony, if you have a breakthrough experience into God realization that’s still a bargain. The Future of MALT • MALT’s potential to transform and awaken humanity is enormous. The profound love that you can experience on MALT can have powerful therapeutic effects. Same with it’s capacity to help you introspect into your psyche and observe your ego-mind objectively. That makes it very powerful for dissolving dysfunctional, psychological tendencies you might have. • If you try MALT, do it responsibly and carefully. Leo releases his best content for free because he wants it to percolate through the culture. Don’t slap him in the face by abusing MALT and giving it a bad reputation through reckless behavior. • We’re building MALT’s reputation right now, by how we behave. Your behavior affects the image of psychedelics as a whole field. So don’t abuse it like a devil, by running through the streets naked on MALT. You don't just have a personal responsibility to not harm your body. You also have a greater collective responsibility to give this miraculous substance the right image and reputation. • Extensive scientific research on MALT is still decades away. Maybe it can be used to heal PTSD, suicide and depression, the way MDMA is being used. But, if MALT gets a bad reputation, scientists won’t want to research it. Society could demonize it, crack down on it and have it banned. Then its therapeutic potential will be squashed, and the millions of people who could’ve been healed by it will never get to use it. Do this work with love, respect and consciousness. The Future of Actualized.org & Psychedelics -Moving forward, Actualized.org will be emphasizing psychedelics as a teaching tool. Leo’s done a lot of introspection on this and has to be honest with you: psychedelics are the most direct and powerful teaching tools. -To really understand the advanced material he wants to teach, you’ll have to use psychedelics. Leo’s tried many ways to access deep existential insights and they’re simply not as effective at teaching others about the advanced subjects he wants to teach. Things like the nature of self, of other, of Love, God, Truth, Consciousness, Existence, science and so forth. If you're not using psychedelics you're simply wasting time. That's just the bottom line. (Keep in mind, you don’t need psychedelics for a lot of goals like pursuing your life purpose, or getting a great romantic relationship, or healing psychological wounds, or handling your survival needs, etc. Your strategies need to fit your goals.) “But Leo, are you saying everyone should do psychedelics?” -No. You should treat psychedelics like a loaded gun. You shouldn’t do psychedelics if you’re under 21, if you’re immature, if you have addiction issues, if you have serious mental illness, if you are being prescribed mind-altering medication, if you’re not willing to take safety precautions, and if you can’t take 100% responsibility for the consequences of doing psychedelics, among other reasons. Watch Leo’s episode on “The Top Dangers of Using Psychedelics.” (Summary is here). -Psychedelics and enlightenment aren’t magic pills. Get good at basic self-help first. If you’re pursuing Enlightenment before fulfilling your survival needs, you’re putting the cart before the horse. They can destabilize your reality if you’re not already grounded or if your brain chemistry doesn’t react well to them. -If you’re close-minded and don't have the desire to understand reality, then psychedelics won’t work. It’s why some people can party and trip for decades and never raise their consciousness. -If you abuse psychedelics, it’s also not going to work. But if you use it responsibly, carefully and deliberately with the right intentions, it's gonna work. Leo’s use of psychedelics is always done with extreme caution and with attention to safety. So, Leo’s not forcing you to take psychedelics (and he’s definitely not sharing his stash with you ). “But Leo, why are you so gung-ho on psychedelics when meditation and self-inquiry are just as powerful?” -When it comes to pursuing enlightenment and truly understanding reality, meditation and self-inquiry simply aren’t as powerful as psychedelics. Sorry. The thing that’s preventing you from understanding reality at the deepest levels is your inadequate state of consciousness, aka: the level of consciousness that you're occupying right now. The baseline normie state of human consciousness is insufficient to integrate every facet of the Godhead or understand how all of reality is constructed using God's imagination. -It is recommended that you maintain a spiritual practice apart from psychedelics for other reasons though. Meditation, yoga, and self-inquiry will build up your concentration skills and have other health and psychological benefits. But the truth is those practices aren’t effective at reaching the deepest, most holistic understanding of God. Meditation alone isn’t going to boost your consciousness high enough. “But Leo, are you saying psychedelics are the only path to enlightenment? Then why do so many gurus say otherwise?” -Psychedelics aren’t the only path, but they’re the most direct path to God realization. The problem is that your teachers are misleading you. A lot of gurus who poopoo psychedelics haven’t tried them or don’t quite realize that most people aren’t spiritually gifted. Sure, people like Jesus or Maharshi don’t need the boost to attain Enlightenment, but that’s probably not you. A lot of gurus and people who have spontaneous awakenings have natural talent that put them in the top 1% of spiritual giftedness. That’s why they can get disproportionate results by using easy, mundane spiritual practices. The bottom 99% cannot get the same results simply through 30 mins of daily meditation. It’s a deep disservice when the top 1% pretend as though the bottom 99% can stroll along the same easy path as the top 1%. -It’s a ridiculous failure on behalf of teachers. It’s more helpful and honest to say that you’re unlikely to be in the top 1% and that you will have enormous challenges that gifted people don’t have to face. The average spiritual seeker could waste 10 or 20 years on ineffective practices and still have no clue about God or Love or Consciousness. -Why waste all of that time and energy when you can take a psychedelic like MALT and understand directly within 15 to 30 mins. You don't need a book or a guru or a Leo Gura. All you need is a psychedelic, a set of careful safety protocols, a genuine desire to understand and a very open mind. You can experience profound epiphanies that will save you years and decades. -It’s a miracle that these substances exist. You're not going to believe what this will do to your consciousness. It will take you to levels that you could never ever reach through meditation or yoga, unless you were to devote 20 years to meditating and living in a cave. Thing is, even if you did meditate in a cave for 20 years, there's no guarantee you’d reach the depth of consciousness you could on a psychedelic. -Make sure you’re not in denial about all of that. “But Leo, why can’t you feed me answers like a baby bird? Gimme proof for God, for love, for solipsism, for the afterlife, for death, for heaven, for for for… Answer my questions goddamit, especially the creepy ones about your sex life…” -Leo’s done episodes on all that stuff (even his sex life!) He can’t keep explaining the birds and the bees of awakening over and over again. There are lots of things you can only understand through experience and by doing the work. Talking about something is not the same as viscerally experiencing it for yourself. Leo can’t explain psychedelics to you better than you actually taking a psychedelic. He spends so much time on the forum and in the comments section and on podcasts or interviews trying to explain God or awakening or Love, when it’d be much easier for people to understand by taking a psychedelic. It’s easy to waste a lot of time talking in circles around these topics. -Most people won’t be able to understand Leo’s most advanced teachings without psychedelics. There are many aspects of reality that can only be understood by experiencing a high enough state of consciousness that you get on a psychedelic trip. (Basically, you have to be high to understand Actualized.org ) “But Leo, you're just stuck on psychedelics and blah blah blah-baddy blah…” -If you don’t like Leo’s stance on psychedelics or you think tripping is fake and bad, you can always watch someone else’s content. Instead of trying to convince Leo to reject psychedelics, pick a more attainable goal like making pigs fly. He has his own unique approach and bias towards spirituality. To him, the responsible use of psychedelics is a more direct path to awakening than meditation and self-inquiry alone. (Although those two practices are very beneficial in their own right). He has to teach in a way that’s aligned with the deepest truths that he’s realized. -Also, you can still get a lot of value out of Actualized.org even if you skip all of the stuff about psychedelics. Leo’s non-psychedelic material is good for developing other aspects of your life. It’s also good prep work in case you ever do decide to try psychedelics. However, don’t expect Leo to change his stance on psychedelics just because you don’t like it.

My Day of Silence This morning I awoke to the sounds of birds calling outside. As I awoke, I remembered that this was to be my day of silence, so I stayed in bed, quietly listening. Well, truth be told, mostly I was thinking about listening. I was actually filling my mind with all kinds of ideas about what listening to my heart should be like and how it should feel if I listened to my heart and what my heart should be saying to me and, well, soon realized that I wasn't really being very still. So I began to meditate, which went a bit better. I relaxed my body entirely and cleared my mind of all thoughts. Which was great until I realized that I had released all thoughts, and began to think about that. And then I wondered how it would be to listen to my heart without thinking any thoughts. And then I realized I was filling my mind with babble again! This was when it became apparent to me just how much harder this was going to be than I had initially thought. I won't bore you with the details of my day, but I will tell you that I was quite often frustrated with myself. "Being still" sounds easy. You just stop thinking, and then you listen, right? I can tell you, it is quite a challenge to break the noise addiction. At least, I found it to be so. By late afternoon, I was done wrestling with myself. I was done trying to be quiet. I had had enough of attempting to find the right way towards stillness. I was through with trying to listen. So, I decided the day was a waste and that, instead of trying to listen to my heart I should just enjoy the rest of the day. I made a snack and went out of my house and walked in the direction of the beach I met The Yogi almost two years ago to watch a truly breath-taking sunset. It was magnificent. As I sat on the sand and marveled with wonder at the beauty of the spectacle, a deep peace settled over me. And in that quietude something came to me. A thought sidled in through the back-door of my mind. A thought about love. A beautiful thought. And as it arrived in my mind it touched me very deeply, bringing tears to my eyes. I didn't so much think this thought, as feel it. And I felt it to be true. And then I knew; this was what I had been waiting for! Here it was. Finally, when I stopped trying and wresting it was simply there in my mind as if it had always been! I went back home, sat down at my laptop and, before I could think about how I was going to structure this, or what approach I would take, I found myself typing. It flowed out of me in one go, non-stop from my heart, through my hands on the keyboard. It barely even nodded at my mind as it passed through. And so here is what I wrote. I listened to my heart and this is what it said: In the beginning of every particle of consciousness, right from the ONE, all the way down to the smallest, newest particle of life, there is a moment when that being gains self-awareness. In previous insights I have paraphrased that moment as that being saying, "Here I am." But self-awareness is always curious. And therefore the next utterance can be paraphrased as, "What am I?" The journey, it seems, always begins with, "Here I am, but what am I?” Then, the journey itself consists of, "I might be this. No wait, maybe I am that. Or, what if I am this." On and on and on and on. Always searching for the answer. Each time something new is tried, there is a fragmentation of the consciousness. New beings are sent out on a foray of self-discovery from within the consciousness of the parent being. Variations are tried. Multiples of possibilities explored. Whole clouds of consciousness are expressed. Multiplying and complexifying and then specializing and trying again. Always seeking, yet never finding, that moment of bliss and peace that comes from having found the answer to the question, "What am I?" And, in every instance, with every answer we have tried, we have pushed away from each other and the ONE. Further and further, we have pushed out. Like a tidal wave that burst forth from but a teacup, we have surged out. Becoming a tsunami of consciousness, we have pushed off from one another – outwards, outwards, ever seeking the truth. Ever seeking the answer... What Am I ? You could say that this is about as far out as the wave would ever push because this is virtually the deepest forgetfulness of the point of origin that could ever be achieved. Perhaps it is possible to head out further? Perhaps someone wants to try? I don't. I am ready to be a part of the returning. Like all waves that have pushed up from the greatest depths of the ocean and found themselves crashing to the shore, this wave is going to return. It is going to go surging back with ever-increasing speed and exuberance to its source. To the ONE. We are returning! And how are we to return? It begins with the correct answer to the question, "What am I?" And the correct answer for me, from the depths of my heart, is Love. Every other answer I have found only causes me further complexity. Every other answer pushes me outwards and away. Because every other answer implies something else that I am not. For example. If I am being called Delight, then I am not all kinds of other things. I am not fear, pain, sadness, loss, anger, hatred or misery. Obviously. But I am also not stillness, peace, harmony, order, or patience. I am not even kindness, honesty, justice, valor, dignity, steadfastness, dependability, righteousness or any other such worthy thing. Do you see? If I choose anything at all and say, "I am that," then I am, in that very self-same moment, saying, "I am not that," to a whole host of other things. So anything that I would claim myself to be causes separation, division and a pushing away from the oneness. The only exception to that rule that I can find is the statement, "I am Love". Not passion. Not lust. Not need. Not any of these silly, temporary little feelings that we usually refer to when we say the word, love. No. I am Love with a capital L. I mean the kind of Love that looks at another being and sees God in their eyes. Sees the wonder and the perfection inside the heart of every being, irrespective of the exterior they are currently wearing. Love is that which is given to everything and everyone, everywhere, unconditionally, always. That is the Love I am talking about. I am talking about the kind of Love that puts you down on your knees in gratitude that you are alive. That threatens to crush your heart with the beauty of the world around you. That makes you yearn to find the greatest and best and most magnificent gift that you can find within yourself, simply so that you have something that you can give back to life in gratitude for all that it has given to you. That is my answer to the question. And so I find that I can declare with surety, steadfastness and conviction, "I am Love!" And so, for my spirit, I am an answer-bearer. I am inclusiveness. I am a particle of life that is going back home. I can feel it! In the very moment of this declaration, the tide has turned. I am in the wave that is done rushing up the shore and is now pulling back to sea. And as I go back, so I will collect other particles of Self. I will see everything that I have ever been and done in this lifetime and I will say, "I am love and I am that." And so, yes, I am love and I am Greg who is Eternal Unity. And so, whoever you are. Wherever you are. However you got to being the way you are. There will come a time in your journey home, and in my journey home, where we will both be looking at the same great being and we will both say, "I am love and I am that." And then you and I shall be ONE. And indeed, in due course, all beings everywhere, in All That Is, will look to the ONE. And we shall all declare, "I am love and I am that!" But for now, I can only look forward to that moment when I will know that I am you, and you are me. But because I know that time is an illusion and that all time is really now, I can already look out at you from across the divide of this bit of text. I can see you reading this. I can look at you and say, "I am love and I am You!"

If you become aware of your nature after doing some of this work for a couple of years, do you keep doing self inquiry? for example, when I ask "what am I?", I know that I'm nothingness because I had this reference experience. I also have feelings/ direct experience of nirvana/bliss on a daily bases just being by myself in meditation Do I keep doing self-inquiry? When I ask that question of what am I , God is also an answer but I just hope it is not coming from a belief. Thanks

I don’t why but I really love giving gifts to others! I love seeing the joy on their faces as they receive and open their presents. I love the thought of planning what to get that particular person, wrapping the present, and making a thoughtful card. I just love the whole experience! I love helping others. Sharing my knowledge, experience and energy healing with others. To help them change, evolve and become a better person. I love reiki energy healing. I love how it makes me feel… peaceful, bliss, happiness. I love the spiritual guidance I receive while it’s happening. I love positive emotions. Love, Joy, happiness, peace, bliss, excitement. I love how they feel in my body and my solar plexus chakra. I love the warm feeling in my heart chakra when I feel unconditional love. I love that I can cultivate happy emotions within myself and attract energetically more positive experiences in my life. I love that I have complete control and freedom to be the best person I want to be. I love that I am one with the universe.

A cool exercise you can try, is to begin imagining and feeling what it would be like if you had a completely loving childhood. So for example if there was an incident where you were rejected, imagine see and feel that same incident, accept in this satisfying version of the past you were totally accepted by others. It's kind of like giving yourself the love you always wanted by overwhelming the past with bliss. Of course you need to do the shadow work as well. But it really helps to combine it with the bliss aspect to. It might take some getting use to, but with intensity and repetition the results can be very magical.

https://youtu.be/1elKHIFohzM Alright NOT TWO. TELL ME. What's the difference between "do what feels good!", "only do what you feel like" "follow your intuition, follow your heart" and contrast and challenge. What's the difference between listening to my favorite song, and eating chocolate, or doing a challenging run, or a long meditation sit, or a cleanse where I starve myself for 9 days. Hmm...? What's the difference? What's the difference between tricking yourself that you're "intuitively eating" and eating too much butter and trusting in someone ELSE'S authority for what's right for your body? I'm utterly confused. What's the difference between Abraham Hicks and a teacher that slaps you around to the point that you don't even know what the word abuse means anymore? Is that the point? Is that the intent? We do not see it in such a dramatic light as you see it. We see no difference. Is not challenge satisfying? Yes, unless I make a huge deal out of it and say things like "starve myself". We don't know a difference between maternal love or paternal love. We don't know a difference between nurture and correction. You made a mistake which was actually a misunderstanding and pulled out in front of a tractor trailer. A stress response arose and was seen for the bliss it was. Let it go. Let it fly. I don't KNOW what to do. Greater desire for clarity, creates a whole lot of clarity. Do you know what to do in this seemingly mundane moment? Yes. Then you already have the essence of what you seek.

Btw, if one has been seeking enlightenment for more than 3 years and they think that's the path they've been on for those 3+ years, then they are mistaken. Once the process of awakening/unknowing begins, it ain't taking more than 2 years. Why? Because one will be shocked at their naivety 3 days ago on a constant basis -- it's that swift. It's a dehypnotization. It's highly likely going to be under 2 years, and probably more like 18 months, perhaps even 6 months. And when it ends, which it doesn't (it's quite paradoxical), none of your existential questions will be answered -- rather, the framework in which existential questions could make any sense will simply be no longer... All the questions were built upon false assumptions to begin with. And enlightenment doesn't make sense -- can't stress that enough -- thus revealing perfect sense. The great surprise is that there was only ever liberation, already -- immensely unexpected. The primary illusion hiding enlightenment, one could say, is the illusion of value and stakes. When there's no one left, even hardship is bliss, but for no one -- which is already the case.

Hello, I was wondering if anyone has any idea what is this about? I am generally a really stable person, never had any mental disorders but this really fucks with my mind. For the last 2 years have been meditating for at least 60min every day. One month ago I started experiencing a strong feeling of completion and bliss. It came literally out of nowhere and hit me like a train in the middle of a day. I immediately lost any intrest in any kind of normal human activity other than sitting and experiencing this. It was by far the best thing I have ever felt. I felt so complete with the present moment that it brought tears in my eyes This went on for couple of days, until something hit a psycholocigal switch and out of nowhere came the deepest, darkest wave of emotional pain and suffering I have ever experienced. It was so strong and vicious that the pain became physical too. Everything lost its meaning in such a deep level that words can´t explain. This went on for two days and then the phenomenon started to disappear. Problem is that I haven´t felt the same after this. It has been 3 weeks. I feel empty of emotion, not depressed tho. "Humanly obligations" feel hollow and meaningless. To be honest, after this I don´t know if I want to continue on the spiritual path. I am scared that this has just partly ruined my mental well being. Any suggestions or help?

My friend who is stage orange/green was never EVER interested in spirituality. He was depressed for many years and the last few years his depression seemed to get worse and worse. But just few days ago he came to me with a weirdest expression on his face. He told me that he merged with consciousness and felt so much love that he was freaking out. He told me that he was expecting huge bliss and was having whole body orgasms. He had vision of past life's or so he told me. I felt so much love and energy coming out of him. So much that my heart started racing really fast. I felt my whole body tingling and shaking. Then he told me that he had telepathically communicated with his brother. When he was laughing and having conversation with his brother telepathically, his phone rang and it was his brother. In the text message his brother started to talk about the exact same subject which they had just talked about telepathically. I don't know what to make of this but it's certainly interesting.

Guys, please help. Lately I have been doing pretty bad. It feels as I hit the wall of my life. I have apathy and cannot construct meaning to move on in life as I used to. I was hit by terrible depression. Sometime reality feels unbearable. I have zero energy to go and conquer the world. Everything is falling apart: personal life – will face divorce, most likely this year, education: no power or interest to work/continue my master’s, work: started a new job in a new company, have no clue if they keep me there for a long time. Am I facing a dark night? I have so much fear, fear of unknown. Every achievement in life feels empty. I cannot enjoy things. Sometimes, I want to fall asleep and not face existence. I do not have anything to lean on, feeling very insecure. One day could cry from divine bliss, another day suicidal thoughts. One day awareness is so high, another day I turn into ignorant bitch, everything flies out the window, all my wisdom. I cannot recognize myself anymore. My identity or illusion of it feels very strange. Guys, how did you keep your jobs during this period of your life. I have to support myself somehow financially, but I am not sure if I can concentrate on my job duties when falling apart like this. I have zero energy. Sometimes, it feels that I am falling into a dark whole of my life, to the lowest.

Telepathically communicated doesnt ring true, then again I dont know what you mean by it. First years I was just desperate to get into that state of nothingness since I viewes thing thru non dual lense (read Tolle and stuff back then). I kinda forgot about love part, let alone becoming human part and loving others, tought that was just unfortunate mistake that I came back to be me and was obsessed with non duality and tried to tune my experience toward that direction. Then after some years was more on a bliss trip as I had intense kundalini energy going for few years and tought I need to purge all impurities out of me, became very sensitive to everything and everyone. Got obsessed with getting back to that stage of love. Then some years of doing nothing and "purging" went by and I found myself quite burnt out and jaded on suffering. For years now I couldnt have fooled myself with Tolle's kind of views regarding suffering. God was not great nor was everything His will. He was actually very easily stomped on and forgotten, ridiciloud and crusified in suffering others. Scapegoated and killed in order to remain cathartic peace. A lot like in here peoples problems are seen as "so called problems" and their suffering is ridiculed and selfhood scapegoated rather than being a midstop for love to be shared. Growing to see these victim producing, scapegoat reguiring dynamics in world and in myself is whats been pulling me out of self centeredness. Started to see Jesus's story differently too. Dont think he was promoting solely some states of non dual awareness. He obiviously didnt come to be sacrificed to change God's attitude toward human but human attitude toward God. He allowed himself to be scapegoated and crucified to reveal to us that God (love) is complitelly non violent and reguires no sacrifices, revenge or blood. Bringing responsibility of violence projected to will of God back to us. Showing that its God who suffers as human, with human abd among human. And everything we do to for other we so to him. So to say rape is love and everything happening in world is will of God is obivious perversion of love to me. This can only been perverted in this way by stopping to be in relationship with God and claiming Godhood to oneself, assuming that ones own will is God's will. This is envy in essence "I want to become you even if it costs my selfhood". Envy I think is perversion of "I want to follow you and become like you". Anyway, with these things seen im challenged to become the endstop to reactivity and competitive, envious desire that leads to scapegoating, sacrified violence and sacrifice. Dynamics present in myself, forgiven and now challenged to do the same myself to others

i'm a mix like 10-20% yayy this is bliss and heaven 10-20% ehhh it's ok it's fine 10-20% not really feeling this 10-20% yikes this is hellish, get me out of here an so on

That preassumes that stages of consciousness is the pinnacle of spirituality. Getting high, meditating, being in bliss, having insights, being detatched from suffering ignorant people and all of world etc. Sam is involved with peace activism in a way. He is placing himself in the midst of lot of tension and even if he finds life to not have meaning or to be nihilistic for not believing in God, he finds value in loving others and actually working for well being of others, giving life meaning himself. To me thats not delusional, thats courageous. And while Sam isnt a prime example of this way of living life, he does well enought. This is much more what I see as pinnacle of spirituality than stages of consciousness. Him dismissing "spiritual experienced" as hallucinations I dont agree with. Calling them to be less real lacks allmost as much honesty as people here when they call this world, suffering and other people a hallucination, dream or delusion. What I mean with forum being more and more fundamentalistic is that there is less and less of a room or consideration of anything else than what is preached here, first by Leo, then repeatee by others. Everything is love, you are me, you are all of God, you dont exist, its all a dream, rape is love. If you dont get these "Truths" (with a capital T btw), then you arent part of us who are awake enought to get it. This is when term "us" turns from inclusive to exclusive and becomes deaf to dialogue in its arrogance. Much like dynamics within any fundamentalist circles.

Documentation of transforming my career to be about My life purpose. Current life purpose as of now: LP Statement: Design and share methods, systems and techniques for accessing and embodying bliss, love and insight/wisdom/intelligence. Domain of Mastery: Meditation, Contemplation, other spiritual methods for accessing bliss, love and wisdom. Medium: to be determined. Goals: 1. Maintain a consistent habit of at least 2 hours of high quality meditation. 2. Eat at most 3 meals a day. All meals fall under 50 carbs a day. 3. Read 30 minutes a day on shamanic or magick techniques. Apply shamanic or magick techniques for at least 30 minutes a day. Explore whether these methods contribute to your LP. 4. Replace procrastination with mindfulness meditation or strict contemplation. 5. Go to the gym at least 6x a week. Interesting thoughts today: 1. problem solving these days are just a more concrete, but more indirect way of accessing divine bliss, love and wisdom. For example software engineering is an inefficient, indirect but more concrete way of accessing bliss (as it solves a problem for a person, just in a small way).

Definitely. Seriously. Impossible not to cry. I and you too listen every song as a last song , see the people as last time seen, be with the family as last time, Truth burns and melts the ego. Life is too short and will never happen again. As you say, When everyday is last day than so called life is love, divine and bliss. Everything will be missed so much, thats the reason why living every second as last second is the heaven.

Sounds good. In my experience, as the gradually mind quiets down, thoughts not only becomes less frequent but more brief, subtle and non-linear. It goes from syrup to air. There are various degrees to it and can be mistaken for a thought-free state when contrasted with a previous state. Once the mind alters its trajectory to align itself perfectly with complete silence, there is an instantaneous, undeniable shift in consciousness, as if the brain is lifted outside of the skull, and I enter a state of purgatory between terror and bliss. I've yet to fully let go into that bliss.

I hear you, I guess if one's at coral, there's such bliss, that it don't really matter what kind of music is playing in the background

This bliss! Meditation guys, meditation! Meditation = non-doing = you + thoughts = only you = eternal peace. Have a great day!