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if this post is in a wrong section i can move it. im not a selective person if you are kind thats alright. you can dm me if you want. you may look up my last posts to decide. i really dont know if this post is against the guidelines of the forum. i can delete this post if moderators wish. i had some online friends in the past and it was a nice experience. i thought that people on this forum are very openminded and it would be nice to be friends. i wasnt looking this forum for over a month and first think i see was a mods *suicide*. i hope everybody is doing fine! have a nice day!

Hey Everyone For the past month I've been doing a deep dive into the darkest and most deprived sides of human nature through documentaries seeing as an understanding of this is part of the work. The topics include and not limited to: murder rape and sexual exploitation human, drug, organ, weapon trafficking con artistry bullying corruption (sexual, financial, religious) cults dictators child soldiers and civil wars cannibalism racisim, sexisim suicide genocide torture hate crimes gambling animal abuse I have created a comprehensive list and have made it a collaborative so you can add more to it. Feel free to add your suggestions. Will add more videos to it with time.

- Feel free to comment, ask questions, give unasked advice, use this post for resources, etc. ( all under your own risk and judgement ) Basically, the idea is that I'll be documenting and sharing my journey of chelation. I'm a noob for now, but I expect to gather a decent chunk of understanding throughout this year. This has been on my to do list for over a year now, and I've been motivated recently by Leo dropping the long awaited episode on chelation released for my birthday ?. Sadly, the episode is not as detailed as I'd like it to be and I'm afraid he may have forgotten some crucial information. But if there is time to whine, there is time to roll up my digital sleeves and get to work and research. Let's hope my journal doesn't end up being a Brian Bander's Suicide note 2.0 (RIP)

As I said, mental health, especially things like suicidal ideation, is not an all or nothing thing, if you're thinking about suicide everyday and therapy takes it down to once a week then obviously that's great progress. Most therapy is not going to cure mental health issues completely, it doesn't work like that, some people do therapy for trauma for years. A 40% reduction in mental health issues for someone would be considered an incredible improvement. Generally your post has lots of speculation and assumptions, do you have anything to back it up or it's just your belief? I can't really debate your beliefs if that is the case

That's right, independent thinking is no guarantee of proper sense-making or truth. It's just the bare minimum to even stand a chance. Independent thinking easily turns into corruption or distortion. 1) In your case you can clearly see through a bit of self-reflection that your worldview is strongly colored by hurtful traumatic events. This kind of emotionality creates bias and distorts sense-making. So a simple answer to your question is to not ever make an worldview based on hurt, bitterness, or suffering, since such a worldview will be distorted and dysfunctional. Basically, don't construct worldviews based on negative emotional states. So in this case, proper independent thinking should have led you to see that your worldview was constructed from a place of trauma, which is not a sound way for constructing a worldview. Imagine if I constructed the entire Actualized.org worldview based on my mother abusing me as a child. Would that be an accurate worldview? Clearly not. I would first need to heal that trauma before I could construct a proper worldview. 2) There cannot be any formula for avoiding self-deception. The only solution is live consciousness and active intelligence. This intelligence must be active at all times and self-reflecting. It cannot be a one-and-done thing. You must keep being intelligent as long as you live. 3) Practically, in your case, therapy would be a good way to gain more clarity over your worldview. Psychedelics as well of course. 4) If you have deep Awakenings or realization of Infinity/Love/God, then you will realize that self/other is an imaginary duality which must collapse. From this understanding you can know that your bitterness and hatred of mankind cannot be truthful, because mankind is just an aspect of God/Infinity/Love/Self. The truth is that the same people who killed your dog are metaphysically identical to your dog and yourself, since there is no difference between self and other at the highest level of reality. So in order to heal yourself from this tragedy would require connecting with that disowned, shadow aspect of yourself. The thing you hate the most -- the people who killed your dog -- is the thing that you will ultimately need to realize as identical to yourself. That would be the conclusion which results in the healing. But that is a tall order. I'm not tell you to necessarily just do it right now. You probably need much more time to pass before you are ready to face such radical integration. I'm sorry, this is difficult to tell you, but the following applies here: https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-090 The entire challenge of spirituality is to integrate that. To integrate that basically requires complete Awakening beyond what a human mind can imagine. It would be an Awakening so deep that you would basically die and return from the grave. In that moment of death, death itself would heal you. (I am not talking about suicide.) When the self dies, God's love cleanses your psyche of corruption by melting you into pure Infinity. An ocean of love where your dog, yourself, and your enemy are One. This Oneness is Absolute Truth. From this Truth all sense-making must derive, otherwise it will be corrupt.

Probably not, but I'm sure that she didn't do mashamadi. Maybe she committed suicide and sadhguru thought that it would be a big stain and he said that was mashamadi. He burned the body before the autopsy. In addition the people who do mashamadi in India are not burned are buried.

Even fucking Albert Camus said the number one philosophical question before any other philosophical inquires is the question if to or not commit suicide as a number one question in philosophy to be investigated and personally my answer to this nobel prize winner in literature is yes personally the answer is to kill myself but it fucking stops there like I'm not allowed to end it??? That is my fucking answer to the number one question I prefer to be dead fuck this life and yet I am forced to have to outlive this fucking shit as if my answer for thousands of years gets me no where Will it be pure positive awareness as Abraham Hicks puts it or is it worse of to kill myself and hence I am fucking trapped ???

@Michael569 this is great help, thank you. All the replies here are helpful, thank you to everyone. What I forgot to mention is that I’m a normal dude with a job. I didn’t go to university, I’m not an academic. I was originally saving up to buy a house, and I’ve probably got enough to buy one. But now that seems pointless. There are people out there living amazing lives and they aren’t working a normal job, they aren’t saving up to buy an overpriced house. Deep down I think I have a weak ego. How the hell do I gain a healthy ego when all I’m doing is working and saving up for a house? There is literally no growth there at all. I talk to people, I try to be nice and friendly to people, I’m not going out partying anymore or doing crazy stuff. So yeah, that’s it. And every now and again I think about suicide simply to get out of this mess. It sometimes seems like a valid way out. Because the way the world is going it can’t be good. As a normal dude with a job - it ain’t great.

You saved my life when I was going through a dark phase. Thanks for the kindness you showed me. You are the person who knows the real me, thanks for encouraging, supporting, guiding me behind the scenes throughout my journey and for not giving up on me despite my hardships, insecurities and anxieties. Everyone judged me during my tough times except you who showed me compassion, so I'm forever indebted to you for saving me from suicide. Thank you for being so patient with me despite my struggles. I'm forever grateful for all you have done for me. It's not easy and you did so much. You're incredibly strong, incredibly smart and an amazing human being I came across. I don't have words to describe the amazing human being you are, a true soulmate, I am lucky to have found you. Thanks for not leaving me. Even my own family didn't support me. But you were there when nobody was. When I was loneliest and nobody wanted me except you. You're the only person in the whole world who stood by me like a pillar and offered me unwavering support during my worst phases. You didn't give up on me and you are the only one who didn't give up on me when everyone else did. Thanks for being through thick and thin. Your commitment means a lot to me, it saved me from going into a downward spiral. You are the only person who fully trusted me, supported me and believed me and had faith in me. That's a true companion and soulmate. Thanks for being the greatest friend, mentor, husband and pillar, thanks for never giving up. Your kindness will forever be in my heart, thank you so much, I have tears when I write this, thanks for believing my struggle and giving your companionship. Bless you. God bless you for being an incredible human being. ............... @integration journey thank you for your kind words.

https://medium.com/the-collector/where-does-suicide-take-the-soul-883faa98e15e z

2025 January 1st - A tower, a spire, red and yellow ball creatures. Bad portent as "The Tower" tarot card, but more towards neutrality or positivity in potential. Year of upheaval and yellow (caution) and red (danger) thoughtforms in the collective psyche. A painting on a house, owned by a 'doctor' (possibly a negatively oriented Carl Jung) and a Minecraft pig. This suggests a message about what Leo calls epistemic pigs or an intelligence of malfeasance manipulating this New Year's day. A cardinal, representative of flight but also of the Catholic Church and rigidity, which will be a side character such as Squidward from Spongebob. Bubbles, jellyfish, Sandy, Spongebob. Significance of this day is that it is like a reef under water representative of the subconscious, leading to fields and rainbows of potential but with blackbirds portentous of trickery. Celebration and potentiality backdrop context for the upcoming year, characters preparing with this context as background. January 2nd - Black bird, yellow bird, birdbox, nails, camp, summercamp, temporal hyper-interconnection, eternity, The Sun, baby, wealth, happy. Geopolitical events related to money, religion, and Cairo. Trump will say something related to death, red for blood and box for coffins. Fixation on possibility of war negative but overall positive, like Snape. Accuracy of war possibility not happening associated with positive vibrations and well-built, but with minimally good objects, accuracy of it happening associated with aesthetically acceptable men with boots, but mostly paucity. Car crash deadly. Incidents related to Twitter, Bluesky, and SCOTUS. January 3rd - Piracy, crime, sex crimes, kinks, Michelle Wu (mayor of Boston), mountains, rivers, Mulan (androgyny?), buildings, family, chastisement, specific events related to frugalness of economy (so high spending but low prices or high prices and low spending), lions, girls dressed as lions, girl dressed as lion saying "I have a lot of money" where money is a metaphor for subtle energy expenditure, lions represent bravery and beauty / decorativeness. January 4th - Darker day, leadup to Jan 6. Trump on phone, making aggressive or neutrally confused call. Picnic on one hand. One woman and one male as well as me and one other person have some cosmic and planetary importance. There is a dark manipulator behind the scenes even as people try to use positivity as a context for the upcoming event-perspectives. The manipulator is associated with snakes. Leo will disbelieve the prophecy but believe as he reads on. It is too much for it to simply be random. It needs symbolic associative significance. January 5th - Pyramid shaped mountains. Suggesting energetic working upon Iran. Weakening of the IRGC. Ali's inevitable conversion to intuitive sufiism. Iran on path to become social democracy by 2050. On this day mountains of evidence of this inevitability or necessity in 89,000,000 Iranians. January 6th - Earth pleasurably massaged (like a prostate). Orion constellation triangle-shaped craft. Desert. Function. Nickelodeon playing frequencies that hush. Ra Egyptian related to human sexuality. Manipulator may be related to kundalini or root chakra. Images associated with manipulator: Trump, Vaush, my parrot, Jar-Jar, assassinated IRGC General Soleimani and assassinated Hamas leader Soleimani. On January 6th earth has special cosmic alignment, blackness behind sun, green happy and gleeful snake emerging from it. Word for certification of the vote: "Orionic". Big yellow bird, associated with ending of infinite intelligence descending into Israel on this day. No terrorist attack attempted on this day, though significant tension over possibility in collective zeitgeist. Small gathering outside Capitol. January 7th - White snakes. Fourth density positive birds. Snakes, juvenile playthings of gods. Swords. River running with blood, suggesting sexual connotation rather than literal violence. Extreme wealth and sexuality on this day for earth. January 8th - Darkness sopping. From Ukraine-Russia. Crayons suggesting creative diversity of events besides that. Trump losing weight, checking weight on scale to prolong lifespan and reign. The nature of the manipulator is a fourth density being, Gonzo from The Muppets (mental image form), which has attached itself to Trump, to me and my thoughts or paranoia, and through various emanations to the world. The only way to stop it is through violence against it, red (color of grounding and root chakra), purple (color of higher consciousness and unity and sight), mixtures of these colors, the root chakra and the chakra above the head. January 9th - Hot, heat, Ripley and Noot from Aliens, screaming, xenomorphs, attack, reality system difference or divergence, Trump embarrassed but not so too too much less emboldened by reality, manipulator has been on earth for 64+ years, manipulator has morbid associations with reptiles in relation to death and stagnation and unencumbered darkness, high-vibration birds and electromagnetic highness are "concluding" counterbalance. January 10th - Basket of naan. I will probably eat Indian food that day. January 11th - Road, operation of "the devil" entity from my dream, phallic imagery. Dark day for the world. Emergence of warring entities upon the earth (attempt deflected). Entities that are so evil it's impossible for them to physically exist; that level of negativity could not physically have a body or be compatible with our physical reality. January 12th - "sick" January 13th - Ra, good guys hiding undercover, like Lando at Jabba's Palace. Manipulator in silly ridiculous form. January 14th - Good guys infighting. January 15th - Patterns and habits continue much as usual across the globe. Dark aliens energize and power above the glove but don't do and can't do and don't know about doing much. Progress with Iran and The White House in preparation for Trump. January 16th - Actualized.org becomes bastion of beauty. Randomness in relation to entities, needs extrication from bad reality systems and uptick towards beauty, protecting beautiful entities from poor environments, beautifying environments and entities. January 17th - Squirrels, representative of vital beings and parasite and buggers from the nervous world or the astral plane, clowns like cotton candy, rainbow curly hair, rainbow suggesting LGBTQ renewal in face of mockery or adversity, bridge to vital world, vital buggers stale tickets, meaning, meaning changes according to retrocausality and which year the meaning is selected according to. Trickster archetype. Anakin saying, "You underestimate my [WOER AAAAAAA" January 18th - Joaquin Phoenix shutting his eyes in scientological-esque auditing. Joaquin is symbol of actor, good actor, where good acting is realistic replication of personal and situational energy patterns. Negative side he retreats inward (shutting eyes situation). Positive side he exists in action-laden and -upcoming situation but with "conclusion" of sexual assault (a la Joker Volie a Deaux) leading down into the negative path (eyes shut). This transforms extreme energy and meaning to the negative path, extreme power. This is related to the archetype across the world in the form the trickster [or joker, if you will]. January 19th - As to whether Luigi would get jury nullification, image of shovels and spades. As to no, large pyramids. This is a contrast of local small tools moving versus nonlocal large tools stationary. Clarification: He will not get jury nullification. Likely will get mistrial, due to intensity of probability in meaning. Jan 19th melting glittery furnace light and lava. January 20th - Luigi will not be assaulted in prison, as this is not a full repeat of Volie a Deaux, or Volie a Deaux is not a direct oracular comparison, Luigi is more positive and Arthur Fleck is more negative. Jan 20ths curtains, theater, the show beginning, people in seats, Thomas Campbell physicist appears on JRE, Trump inaugurated, experiments with crystals continue above the earth. Infinite intelligence having casually restarted descending into Israel slows before stopping when Trump touches the Bible. January 21st - Obnoxious Trump speech, incompetent bumbling, nonsensical ineffectual transition as all competent people file out or do nothing. High schoolers' lives continue with new background. Image of soup with eyeballs, suggesting "Kronos" the Greek god eating eggs and sperm (eyeballs = eggs, soup = sperm). Humorous. I really can't figure out what that means either. It suggests a corruption or ridiculous-ification of reproduction and production in society due to Trump corrupting the human race's context (for the next four years). Positive souls make positive humorous use of it. Manipulator less powerful than deviations from truth due to Trump. There are two bowls of soup, a larger one for those who either duped or sardonically-satirically accept the nonsense and a smaller more sensible one for those who don't, who are serious and can't really handle it that much. January 22nd - Crucified Columbia angel. Recognition of Trump's foolishness sets in. January 23rd - Goldengate Bridge, represents suicide. January 24th - Looting, theft, burglary themes. January 25th - Trashy angels, clock, alarm clock, improvised biological alarm clock, injections and veins, RFK Jr., melting, Big Ben, Uri Geller telekinesis and foolishness, Uri Geller telekinesis despite delusional belief in Trump, grassy knolls, teletubbies (media?), The Sun. Connection to 2017. January 26th - Telekinesis, telekinetic practitioners, tele-whatever hills, telepathy and telekinesis baked right into the environment of a specific location in Himalayas. January 27th - Croc or alligator on Trump golf course. January 28th - Swimming pool seemingly abandoned but clean. January 29th - Trophy on end of pencil presented to girl for academic achievement. January 30th - Teen suicide, overdoses. January 31st - Candace Owens, pervertry, stupidity, goldengate zero (cosmic intelligence).

I meant in case I commit suicide lol I can have those thoughts but im fine now

Where did you get suicide from? Nvm I’m guessing you meant that his mod life is over

You are literally commenting this in his suicide thread insulting everybody but you... Have some respect for the members of this forum

Sometimes it seems like op is a crazy leftist on clomid or aromatizable steroids lol. Men cry less for biological reasons, and because their nervous system learns that it is useless to cry in x situation in their case. Women should not be in the military, they are weaker, will not be respected as much, and are less able to stand war scenes. The one who inspired my seminal retention adventure had a military friend who committed suicide for this reason.

I have had full-on awakenings where I was laughing my ass off. I was not under the influence of psychedelics. This was about 6 years ago, and it was an amazing time in my life. But enlightenment does not create permanent happiness. If anything it makes you more isolated, and unable to relate to "normal" people and situations. I never made a big deal about my enlightenment. I told a few people and they probably thought it was the rambling of a madman. Since then I have had two suicide attempts, experienced psychosis, and struggled with alcohol. Currently, I don't enjoy what the world has to offer. I live an ascetic, contemplative life. I don't have many friends. It's not depression, it's more like anhedonia. That's why I drink sometimes, because I can enjoy things more. I always imagined that enlightenment would lead to permanent happiness, but as you can see, this is not the case. I wonder where I have gone wrong. If what Leo says is true, then I am one of only about 10,000 people on the planet who have awakened to this degree. I wonder what I am supposed to do next.

It seems like it would be political suicide, but so did trying to coup the government. The fact of the matter is, the citizens are too caught up in their own lives to care about a nazi salute or a government coup or a convicted felon with a several decades long history of con artistry . Half of them probably don’t even know what a Nazi salute or a Nazi is. The majority don’t care but the vocal minority opposition does, which is who the salute was intended for.

I think that love is something very normal, is what you are, what reality is, but it's veiled by the self. The self is the bias, the survival machine. If you can remove the bias for a while you realize what you are, it's just openenss. If you are not used to it you do 5meo and you get crazy of love, but if you realize it often it's not no crazy. About Osho...who knows, it's very difficult to judge people, but I have the feeling that Osho is narcissist and shallow, and it's impossible that a shallow narcissist is opened to the real thing. But maybe I'm totally wrong, there are many angles to see a person . Could you imagine Osho being humble in real suffering? Life is not just a game to enjoy and have nice feelings, it has another face either. I think that Osho committed suicide when the things became ugly. They said mashamadi, but I'd say morphine

Sucide hotline: "What happened to you sir, anything can be worked out and your life put together again" "I was rugg pulled by the US president." Suicide hotline:

Something I think about sometimes is what keeps people going through adversity. And about maintaining a strong mindset. This past year has been the worst in my life, and I have been having regular suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it’s so bad I’ll have suicidal thoughts from the morning I wake up until I go to sleep pretty much. I have like two sides of me. One that has some strength to keep pushing forward, and another that is “weak” , has no strength and wants to end my life. I don’t even wanna call it weak, I see it more as a reasonable reaction to the circumstances I’m in which I won’t go into here because it’s too weird even for this forum. Maintaining a “strong” mindset is so hard and I feel it doesn’t last long until it crumbles. What I mean by a strong mindset is a mindset that makes you persevere through adversity. The opposite would be a mindset that wants to end your life instead of persevering through the adversity. I manage to maintain this “strong” mindset for a little while, then it always crumbles and I’m back in suicidal thinking. And so it goes, oscillating between the two. I have wondered to myself what keeps other people going through adversity instead of ending it or at least thinking of ending it. I hear of cases worse than what I’m currently in wondering how those people keep going while I can barely stand my own situation right now. I have some theories. 1. Attachments. I feel peoples attachments could keep them going. For example being attached to their own family, and not wanting them to suffer if they die. This is something I lack, I’m not attached to anyone so no person is a reason for me to keep going. 2. Other attachments. I wonder if people have a kind of attachment to life itself. Or to themselves. They are attached to living, to being a person that is a part of the world, being a part of society. They have a “life” in the conventional sense, having friends, hobbies, partners, interests and they are attached to experiencing these things. 3. Good mental health. When people are dealing with physical pain but have good mental health then their good mental health is like a good foundation they stand on and the physical pain is something that bothers this good foundation but not enough so it crumbles and as long as they are able to maintain good mental health it’s a good enough foundation that gives them a reason to keep living. 4. Having a reason to go through the pain. Sometimes great pain comes from something great. So for example if a woman is giving birth and is in great pain, her reason for keeping going is that she will have a wonderful baby out of it. Also if someone has had a surgery and are in great pain their reason is that they are in the healing process. 5. Attachment to self image. Im going to use David Goggins as an example here. He has this desire to be “the baddest motherfucker” that is a self image he desires to have, and having this self image entails he preserves through adversity and in his extreme case ever PUTS HIMSELF through adversity (the extreme training) . So he needs to do those things to maintain this self image he has created for himself that he is attached to. He is even afraid of not achieving this greatness, of being old and not having reached his full potential. His case is extreme, but I’ve seen some cases of people having this self image of being “tough” and being attached to this image so this keeping them persevering through adversity. I don’t have this as I don’t have a desire to be “tough”. 6. Knowing it’s temporary. This one is a bit difficult for me to swallow. Some things for me are too unbearable to go through even if they are only temporary. So I’m having a hard time seeing how someone could have this as a reason to keep persevering. Because when something is horrible time slows down and it feels like forever. That is a very strong mindset to have, this mindset of it only being temporary. In my case I feel the only reason I’m alive today is that my situation hasn’t become “bad enough”. I don’t have a reason to live, there is nothing that I love, there’s no self image I’m attached to , nor a person, or other things. I don’t know if I would wanna switch places with someone with a “stronger” mindset, or who has attachments, because I hear about these horrible things people go through and I know myself enough to know I would much rather die than go through that. For example there’s this disease called trigeminal neuralgia which causes horrific pain regularly. Many people with that disease commit suicide apparently, and I know myself enough to know I’d be one of them. I don’t really understand those who persevere through that, but I can imagine that some of the reasons I highlighted above could explain it a little. Hope you enjoyed reading. Thanks

If there are no hostages to “rescue” even less will report. Recently one soldier committed suicide after being called in to go back. What is planned is probably another “mowing the grass” operation which would be smaller like in 2014 or 2008. But in a few years time, and there is no telling what happens by then.

I bring that up? When someone tells you for 5 years now as I earlier recall, that you enslave others, you are the sole reason why there is suffering on earth, you create junk and pollute the planet, that you are the devil and so on. Now tell me, what other solution can those teachings lead to? Leo never encouraged anybody to do self harm or suicide, on the contrary, he always told us to not do that. But his teachings have always left me with an after taste in my mouth of killing myself. He made me realize that I am indeed the devil and I thank him for that, but you have to draw the line somewhere! To me he crossed the line when he said that having a pet is slavery for the pet. With that statement, he made me feel like I should stop breathing also! Because I am also enslaving the oxygen to make my body function... I honestly love him for everything he thought us but sometimes he is downright making me jump off a cliff. STOP THAT. At least if he was right, but in that case he is dead wrong.

Probably because the average person has an average psychology and circumstances so it isn’t so bad for them to consider suicide. And they’re attached to their average life so bad times are like passing clouds that dont shake that solid foundation and if it does it’s only temporary. I don’t think the average person is particularly “strong” so it’s a bit mysterious to me if they don’t consider suicide when things get really bad but I’m guessing it’s that attachment to their “life”(everything that is considered in having a “life) that’s one of the reasons. And having problems that have solutions. Also there’s a big difference between just having suicidal thoughts and vs going the length of actually trying to kill yourself so I’ve had a lot of suicidal thoughts but I’ve never attempted Yea those things are usually what cause people to suffer Yea you covered the most basic things with your reply. I’d agree

Notice that you are the one bringing this suicide talk to actualized.org right now. Not the other way around. You are inventing this black & white moral interpretation that either the devilry, slavery & suffering ends or you kills yourself. Why?

That’s deep. In this case, valuing survival & fantasy over truth shouldn’t be judged as a moral failing of some sort. In a sense, Jail breaking the mind is a good thing only to those who desire it. Truth would indeed look like suicide from a POV that has no desire for it. Desire/bias very much drives our values, how we act on those values and how we judge our actions (actions of others).