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I'm not dealing with anything in particular, I think it might be my default state because I can't remember ever thinking "Gee, how happy I am to be alive" I like petting dogs but not enough to put up with everything else Ill put it in another way, I think life is a game that's not interesting for me and I wish I didn't have to play it, but at the same time I don't wish to commit suicide because of the consequences it would have on the people around me

you think suicide/mental-illness is a matter of not having a thick enough skin? an avoidance of suffering? @Leo Gura

It's no surprise that psychologically dysfunctional people with poor judgment will not have the wisdom necessary to enroll in and complete a course of therapy. These people usually spend their whole lives avoiding facing truth and their emotional wounds/trauma. Also therapy is expensive and tedious. It requires work. Most people who are depressed or suicidal will not want to do that work. The paradox of therapy is that the people who need it the most are usually the sort who are least interested in doing it and also cannot afford it. In general I would guess that a person who kills himself would probably have kill himself at some point in life, and that no one thing anyone says or does to him is the cause of the suicide. Suicidal people usually have a long history of suicidal ideation and attempts. They don't just wake up one day, watch a few bad advice videos, and then decide to kill themselves. If one thing doesn't push them over the edge, another thing will. There can be hundreds of things that could push them over the edge simply because they are already teetering on the edge anyways. I mean this Reckful dude said he tried to kill himself when he was 16 because his favorite MMORPG video game lost users to WoW. If this is not dumb then I don't know what is. A person that fragile will not be able to handle the ups and down of life. Life will hit you with downs pretty hard sometimes. You gotta be willing to handle them. And you can't depend on someone to babysit you through each one. Bottom line is, you need to develop a thick skin to survive life.

The only true cause of death is birth. Anything that is born will die. Everything that is created will be destroyed. When it comes to so-called "causes of death", the rest is at best merely a matter of perspective, if not a deceptive shell game. For example, consider a cigarette smoker who dies with lung cancer shortly after catching the common cold. Would it even make sense to debate about whether the so-called "cause of death" was (1) cigarettes, (2) suicide, (3) lung cancer, or (4) the common cold? I propose that it would make no sense to have such a debate or to assert that one of those is or could be the cause. No human can be saved from death. Thus, nothing else causes a human to die because the death is inevitable from the birth. The human will die regardless of whether they smoke, whether they catch a cold, whether they get lung cancer, whether they drive a motorcycle, whether they are suicidal, or whether they desperately cling to life in terrified fear of death. Neither the presence nor absence of any of those things--or any other things like them--will prevent the person from dying. Thus, those things and anything like them cannot be a true cause of death. One could argue instead that a given event or factor (e.g. the presence of smoking versus non-smoking) would speed up the time of the death. Slightly accelerating or postponing the timing of something is very different than causing it. Moreover, analogous to accelerations or decelerations in Newtonian physics, these factors are cumulative not mutually exclusive, and are thus in practice immeasurable and countless if not infinite. For example, if 8 dogs are pulling a sled, it does not make sense to say which dog is the cause of the sled moving, nor is it true that only the dogs are responsible for the sled moving. Rather, there are countless and presumably infinite factors at play, such as but not limited to friction, gravity, the weather, and how much the guy riding the sled ate for breakfast. Imagine the proverbial sled is going down a steep ice-hill, having black-hole-like properties, and thus the sled will reach its destination very soon regardless of any of those other factors, and some of the dogs are futilely trying to pull the sled up the hill but can only at best slightly decrease the rate of acceleration. That would be a more accurate analogy to anything attempting to prevent human death, such as exercising daily instead of smoking cigarettes daily. There is no preventing death, and no practical way to significantly change to its timing on cosmological scales. The length of a human life is but an itsy bitsy teeny tiny sliver in cosmological spacetime. As a human, each of us is going to die very soon. Every human dies quickly. There is no cause of death, besides birth itself. Once born, the death is inevitable. We are going down the black-hole-like ice-hill quickly, from birth to death, and no dog can reverse the trajectory. When one of us humans reach the bottom of the ice-hill (human death), it is absurd and nonsensical, worse than false, to point to any one dog, or even a few dogs, or even dogs as a whole versus gravity or what the sled rider ate, and accuse that thing of being the cause. It doesn't matter what any of the dogs did, and what the rider ate or didn't eat, and thus those kinds of things cannot logically be considered causes. If you take the cause away, then the result cannot happen. Therefore, if you take an alleged cause away, and the result does still happen, then the alleged cause is no true cause at all, reductio ad absurdum. Thus, the only cause of death is birth.

I would like that. Perhaps we can chat if these issues have not been cleared up for you by now. I do hope you know we do not promote harming of the body here and we never have. I believe the suicide was the biggest criticism. But spirituality is dangerous if one is not ready or unstable. But I digress and we can talk outside of here if you would like.

@AdeptusPsychonautica oh shit! the man is HERE!!!! ahahaahaaa.... wait, if the forum members or any other followers defend leo in a cultlike manner, then they are prob not advanced as they claim to be he is just a talking head. but, even I can defend leo if the accusations are based on a shallow surface level accounts. and the other thing is, suicide happpens everywhere, everyday. and here as well. I don't kw how many people who watched ur videos are dead by now. the difference is, here it is recorded and that makes people highlight it as something huge . and u must kw spirituality has a ton of traps. and all of us have been warned repeatedly. responsibility is yours to take for applying any advice without proper scrutiny. if you doubt supernatural powers, then u are literally crazy dude. my cat can materialize rats in to existence with his powers in just minutes. if u call that fake, i' m gonna call your momma right away about your irresponsible behavior Jk i won't tell ur mom btw

This is not a valid criticism. Psychic powers are not delusional. Healing abilities exist. I have myself encountered psychics who have extraordinary abilities that the normal human population doesn't. Just because you don't believe it doesn't make it Delusional. The atmosphere at Actualized. Org does not encourage/support suicide. In fact it helps people who are suicidal. If anyone takes the decision to commit suicide its up to them. In the wake of the suicide, Leo made it clear that he doesn't want people to die to experience consciousness. Leo is not a heartless monster running a suicide cult. He is well aware of the consequences of spiritual work that's why he took down the video of Solipsism. Learn to appreciate his effort. So to make him look like suicidal cult running guy is disingenuous, baseless and bogus, nothing valid about it. Leo handles criticism from his members in the most impeccable manner, I'm yet to see someone so humble and down to earth, he interacts with everyone here, he is aware of his own mistakes. He is pretty tolerant. And he never pressures anyone to follow his path strictly. Nor does he threaten anyone. This place is free for people to join and work on themselves. People are here by their own will. Perhaps you might want to look up the definition of a cult. People admiring and appreciating his work is not a cult. BTW, this has been endlessly debated before. Take your bogus claims elsewhere. Stop bugging the poor guy with your trollish criticisms. Your stuff has already been debunked.

@Leo Gura Leo, if you don't know what the definition of a troll is then its probably best not to use it, but let me give you a few pointers. Calling you out for delusional claims around psychic superpowers and healing abilities is not trolling - its valid criticism Discussing the atmosphere within Actualized.org in the wake of a members suicide is not trolling - its valid criticism Highlighting the cult-like mentality within this community which cannot tolerate any criticism is not trolling - its valid criticism Just because you don't like what someone says about you doesn't make them "a troll", so please try and be less sloppy with your language - that's another valid criticism. Its an extremely lazy approach to simply label someone who has a differing opinion as a troll, but I guess that is easier than looking in the mirror and actually facing up to some uncomfortable truths. Serious question - Am I trolling you now Leo?

You could make that case. Maybe there's some merit to it. But I wouldn't overblow it. It's being framed as though Dr K killed the guy. What I see is that Dr K was doing his best to help him, and he had a few slip-ups. This is not a good reason to trash him. You guys understand that in real therapy clients can kill themselves too? It's not like the therapist is some kind of savoir. Most people who go to therapists don't improve. In fact I would bet that most therapists are mediocre and harm their clients by over-prescribing drugs. Just because it's legal and "ethical" doesn't mean it helps people truly grow and heal, or avoid suicide. The difference here is that when a client kills himself within private therapy, no one knows about it so there cannot be any outrage. But when it's all live-streamed, it's ripe for a Twitter outrage mob, lead by Mr Girl.

@Loba actually this reminds me of the guy who committed suicide not long ago whose name was Soonhei on the forum and the last person who he had a communication with on the forum was Nahm. Not saying that Nahm is in anyway responsible for the suicide. But Nahm's conversation might have had a negative impact on the guy causing him to think what he was doing was right. I mean these are the situations where social acuity gets tested really badly. Plus Nahm was in the position of a mod. That's very influential to some newbie. All I can say the mods here should tread carefully with their advice. It can drive someone over the edge.

IMO it is not a good idea for you to keep watching gore, or to take psychedelics. I had very similar beliefs / thoughts that you have, took around 5 grams of mushrooms, and had pretty much the worst trip one can have. Had to call an ambulance. Negative thought-patterns and (egoic projections) ensued weeks after the trip, and I had to spent time in psych ward. Took antipsychotics. Took me quite literally a year to fully get what happened, and to cut the negative pattern / let go the belief. The thought/belief/pattern that went down was pretty much like this: "God/Universe is pushing me towards suicide, because I have to prove my worth as a fearless, courageous, egoless person who cares only about truth." Today I see what was wrong so to say, what place these thoughts came from, and why they were false. Hope you don't see this as me imposing beliefs on you, but I want to say this directly. Take it or leave it... God is not pushing you toward conquering a fear. This is projection, aversion from emotional guidance. God needs nothing. There is no "your fear", and no fear whatsoever that needs to be conquered. There is nothing you need to do. There is nothing you need to prove. To put it more simply, there is no need whatsoever to watch any gore videos ever again, nor is there a need to conquer/"win" this fear.

It can fool itself into experiencing self-destruction. Like dreaming a life of a suicide bomber. But then the dream ends. In absolute state of God/consciousness there is no "thing" that can be destroyed

from the forum guidelines: "Warning: Spiritual work is inherently risky and dangerous if misapplied or misunderstood. Some Actualized.org teachings are not suitable for people with serious mental disorders. If your mind is chaotic and unstable, these teachings may lead to a deterioration of your condition and even suicide if misapplied." Even though this is in the guidelines, he doesn't really follow this well. If something like realizing god can put someone into a crisis, which absolutely can, and does, he doesn't seem to mind forcing this realization onto someone with no remorse.

“I am a slave to my urges and it makes me suicidal” It’s the beliefs about yourself which feel so terrible. If the thought(s) were true, they’d feel aligned with the love that you are. ? Call and receive help now, don’t put it off. http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html Focusing on thoughts about wanting to stop focusing on discordant thoughts is kind of madness. But there is meditation & expression.

We are all unconsciously/consciously trying to return to our non-dual essence which is what we all inherently are, free of inner conflict, we are trying to find ourselves. 99% of people you observe are trying to find it in some'thing' - person, object, thought, belief - you can just see it raw and gross and it's beautiful in some ways and you can respect the journey everyone is on and find admiration for all the different ways it is expressed And even in suicide, utter depression, utter agony, you are still looking. You think suicide will return you to a place where you will not suffer. It is just so beautiful it really is. You find such a joy in seeing it and seeing the suffering is always just us trying to find ourselves, merge with who truly are under the layers of what we created, no seperation, no exclusion. It's just the most perfect game - and until you truly confront consciously the obstacles within you will have this restless seeking energy inside of you that nothing, no practice, no one experience, no drug, no person/thing will free you from You will eventually see surrendering to this seeker within is dropping all the acts of ignorance, willing to truly leave decade old patterns, habits, hobbies, beliefs, people, family - all your attachments binding you in seperateness. There is 'knower' that always knows what is good and bad for you and how to return you, the father is within you, you are already the guru, you are the buddha, you are everyone you imagine in your mind to be seperate from you, when you start to be radically confrontational with yourself and facing deep rooted fears There only leaves a compassion within, as you the creator see your creation suffering trying to find what is. Love emerges through giving, give your love to be free.

Pessimism is an emotion directly experienced. It is guidance in regard to the thoughts you’re focusing on and projecting. “You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.” Freedom is freedom from thought attachment. If you ‘suicide yourself’, you’ll not be free, you’ll end up exactly right back here, experiencing aversion. Call a trained specialist now. Don’t wait or put it off. https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines Attention is presently outward, to concepts, conceptualizations of religions, etc. Reorient inward, and feel, and understand what you are feeling. Start expressing. Find a good therapist or guru. Utilize the internet for your well being, instead of this.

Addition: According to Hinduism, we currently reside in Maya/Illusion. So the precious gift of life is to live in Illusion? If I suicide myself, I’m technically then free of illusion, so why not? I’d be doing the ultimate spiritual good!

Those who have had 'normal' parents can't appreciate the fine line between mental health and mental illness. Nor can you ever truly understand a mental illness if you haven't personally lived through it. When I tell people that I grew up with a father who suffered from OCD, most people's reactions are like its not big deal. This just shows the depth of ignorance and misunderstanding. I could go on details how my father's mental illness eroded my self esteem and caused me to develop OCD also.(Now I have recovered from OCD through years of CBT and I am better at handling uncertainty than the average Joe). Or I could tell stories to show the severity of the illness, such as when he would cut my nails, he wanted to make sure he cut the the nails perfectly.(As a result he would cut them so much that I would be in pain for 2 days afterwards). Now I visited my father in another country to make some papers and I currently live with him for a few days. Today he wasted at least 4 hours of my day doing compulsions. He no longer can trust himself and has to check multiple times everything. Imagine being so uncertain that you don't trust anymore that 5 plus 5 equals 10. Imagine getting an answer and having to make sure again and again that you heard the answer correctly. I feel bad for my dad but I can't do much for him. Today I really wanted to sleep so bad but he kept wasting my time on compulsions. The time and energy he expends on these compulsions is just remarkable. I am at awe that after decades of living like that he hasn't committed suicide yet. I lived through ocd for just 6years and I wanted to kill myself at the end because it was constant misery and anxiety. Blessed are those who have had healthy parents. My parents are both dysfunctional. And this has affected me enormously. I feel anger for the card I have been dealt but maybe in the next incarnation things will be much different ?

>wouldn’t watch a suicide stream but ready to take on summoning up demons Haha I like this guy

most people will find it weird or creepy, I learned to postpone asking them if they would like to watch Ronnie McNutt suicide stream or showing them gangstalking security agents videos for later, if ever.

When I lived in Korea I got approached by two guys who were very into their religion, or "fake christianity" as they would call it in Korea. Basically they were extremely friendly and wanted to talk to me about God and their view on life, creation etc. So I was just open-minded and listened to everything they had to say while keeping a sceptical eye. We started to hang out some times and they were some of the nicest people I ever met. Almost a bit too nice. They asked me to come join their church, or just check it out. I knew what they wanted to do, they basically wanted to lure me into their church. I went to their church and listened to their whole theory while cringing a bit inside. Still I asked them what they thought about other religions? They just said they respect other religions but this is what They believe in. More and more we started to hang out but they were always peaking for me to join their church even though I didn't want to. I guess they felt that they wanted to kind of save me and that they did something good for themselves and for me. Either way, talking to religious people is really of no use if you wanna convince them of anything. My ex-gf. was a hardcore catholic and I was stupid enough trying to point out the flaws of her religion, and I later realized it was of no use. If something is so deeply enrooted into your childhood/identity it's there to stay. Unless it starts to cause more suffering and you perhaps enter your own spiritual journey to strip away of the religion that's dragging you down. Imagine your gf. having to go and beg for forgiveness after every time you've had sex, frustrating to say the least. Try convincing another person that your language is more valuable/better than theirs, it's not gonna happen. Also I've noticed with religious people that God is above everything, and his judgement is the ultimate thing. According to Durkheim's research on suicide, people of stricter religions like catholicism and judaism are less prone to killing themselves in times of misery than for example protestants. Simply because they are more afraid of not following the way of God than their own suffering, while protestants have more of a "mental freedom/free will" and can decide more for themselves. So that should tell you something about the power it holds over a person's mind. So yeah, a religious person usually don't want to explore. But think about it, does a hard-core atheist wanna explore spirituality and solipsism? Probably not lol. Perhaps even less than a religious person.

@Preety_India Call a trained person who can & very much wants to help. Call now, don’t put it off. https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines ?

Hi! I'm depressed for 7 years now (this feels horrible to acknowledge) . In this time interval I've had ups, but mostly downs. My life went ahead somehow, but I have always felt that something is wrong. I don't remember much of my childhood, especially times in which my parents say that I was happy and outgoing. My memories consist of random (happy/interesting) moments, some dreams (mostly nightmares) and some traumatic events. I have always suffered from "shyness" and anxiety growing up. I was considered a gifted kid and did very well in middle school and early high school, went to different kind of competitions and whatnot. I started being bullied in 8th grade, and it pretty much went downhill from there. High school was traumatic for me... not because I suffered from various impactful traumas such as accidents, but because I suffered from long term stress and anxiety, which I didn't know how to handle. I did not even consciously acknowledged that I had these problems for a long time. Those repressed emotions slowly built up into emotional numbness -> feelings of apathy and generalized anxiety -> chronic depression, generalized anxiety, chronic stress and suicidal thoughts/ideation. I came to the realization that the general cause (or at least the partial cause) of all of these feelings is a lack of feeling seen, valued, understood and loved for who I really am. I never felt important or felt like I should exist. When I was a kid, I remember thinking and saying things to my mother along the lines of "if I wasn't around, you wouldn't have to sacrifice for me". I especially want my depressed, angry, suicidal, miserable side to be seen and loved unconditionally. I have no idea if this is a proper expectation to have of another person. I hate that I'm dependent on other people for my emotional needs. I feel like I'm too fucked up at this point for anyone to love me in any way. People "love" and "like" my façade, which is harder and harder to maintain. Over the years, I couldn't really afford to go to therapy because of financial reasons and the fact that I didn't want to let my family know that I'm struggling. I always felt that I would break them beyond the point of repair. Some attempts were made, but they ended up backfiring. My parents always fought. There was always a silent (or not so silent lol) tension, and I think this is where my anxiety comes from. They hate each other, don't communicate properly and I generally don't trust them to be intimate with me. They are also both depressed or fed up with life at the very least. My father threatened to commit suicide multiple times. My mother suffers in silence but I can see that she also has suicidal thoughts and depression. Won't go further deep into that rabbit hole, but you can see why I didn't talk to them about how I'm feeling. I fear that they might have manic attacks and kill themselves, or physically fight each other or something. Now I'm in college but due to my state of mind and constant thoughts of suicide, manic attacks, chronic sense of loneliness, mental fog I just cracked. I can't go on. I passed the majority of my subjects, but I'll have to repeat a year. I'd like to get a job (I know I could if I really put my mind to it) and save some money, but can't. The only thing that is on my mind is being hugged and appreciated, things which I cannot get. I had some girls show interest in me over the years, but I unconsciously pushed them all away. I'm glad I did that, because it's not fair for them to have to deal with someone so mentally destroyed as me. It's just not fair for the other party involved and I don't want to pull up a bait a switch tactic or be manipulative. I'd love to have a romantic partner, but my unconscious expectation is that they would be my therapist. I don't know what expectations are healthy to have for a partner, but that certainly doesn't make it on the list. Yet, I'm so desperate for any kind of intimate (intimate as in sharing feelings, not sexual) relationship. I'm spending most of days zombifying myself through distractions because I get overwhelmed with negative emotions. No, I just can't sit and be present with them because when I do, I end up daydreaming about suicide or actually researching ways to kill myself. Teal Swan's video on suicide helped me because it felt so validating and made me feel seen. I've grown in some areas over the years, but if I was forced to look at my situation blindly optimistically, I'd say that I've actualized 15% of my real potential that I could have actualized in these years. I've done shadow work, meditation and all sorts of other stuff, but I can't form a habit out of anything positive... The resistance always has a flavor of "I have to change myself so that others will love and accept me". I can't fight through that, I can't work through it, and I can't resolve it due to my fear of irreversibly breaking anyone who comes too close. I'm waiting for therapy right now, thanks to a forum's user. Though I cannot help but feel like it's futile. The wait for getting paired with a therapist is killing me and I don't even have the guarantee that it's going to help me, or that it's going to be a good therapist who can handle me and who know what he/she's doing. I have written all of this because I needed to vent. Also because I want pity, because it feels like love. Yes, a part of me expects pity from anyone reading this. I'm frustrated and ashamed of that part. It feels like that last sentence is a manipulation for pity as well (as well as this one). Oh yeah, for anyone commenting something along the lines of "toughen up" or "gO tRaVeL aNd SeE hOw BaDLy oTHerS hAvE iT", please go find the nearest sharp metallic corner, and smack your head into it as hard as you can.

@BenG I'm not sure, what others say is that the comment section was mostly positive about the video. Something happened in his private life, maybe he's nearing the end of his chapter, or some people pm'd him death threats or suicide threats, or something supernatural happened, I don't know exactly it's all speculative at this point It's a shame some of us missed out on his view of what Solipsism is, and how to handle it.

Survival instinct. Fear of death. Consideration of my parents. A small belief that maybe we are here to learn. So suicide would disrupt the learning process.