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"SPRING SUICIDE" Dosage: 75-150ug Height/weight: 6'1, 140lbs Setting: Public Beach Time: 8:00pm Mindset: Calm. Excited. No current major life events. Hopeful. A deep sense that today is the "right" day Intention: Wanting change, no matter it's form This would be my first time trying any psychedelic. I had decided on this day approximately a week in advance. One of the reasons I chose this day was because the full moon was supposed to come out that night. I guess I thought it would make it more special. In the past, I had read extensively about LSD, many trip reports, and understood its safety parameters, typical/atypical effects, and potentially significant risks--including brain damage and losing grip with reality. I've read about nonduality, panpsychism, and the limits of rationality in the past-- but on that particular day, much of that knowledge was not on the forefront of my mind. The day itself started off fairly normal; I had gone about my duties calmly and slowly--with intention. I don't know why, but I had skipped breakfast that day, which was unusual for me. For lunch (12:00pm) I went to the grocery store and bought myself a familiar meal I've eaten throughout the years—one that brings me comfort: Baked chicken thighs with fried rice. I slowly and deliberately enjoyed every bite of it in the peaceful solitude of my room. I remember watching Squid Game Season 2 while I was eating. For those familiar with trips—this may have been a bad idea, the violence of that series is not something I potentially needed in my headspace. I remember a song played during the episode, it was a cover of the Frank Sinatra song, "Fly Me to the Moon". I thought that was funny. I took a relaxing, untimed nap after my meal. Waking up, I felt amazingly refreshed and strong. Let us now skip to the evening time. At 7pm, I placed the ziplock bag containing the blotted paper LSD tabs in my pocket and set out on my walk. The walk to the beach was a little less than 1 hour, and I had checked that the sunset was happening around 7:50. Perfect. The weather was calm, clouds and deep blue skies with warm temperate air. It was spring! The walk itself was tranquil and memorable. My neighborhood had such colorful flora blooming in full glory that month. I walked with a slight smile. **When I finally arrived at the beach, I selected an isolated spot near the shore and on the rocks-- away from people. I wanted to be as alone as possible. I sat comfortably, and watched the sun start its descent. At 8pm I placed one of the tabs sublingually. I waited. The sky was starting to become hazy. Soon some stars emerged. Then, at about 8:30pm I noticed something. The waves in the distance were undulating, rippling in an impossible fashion. They started to ripple heavily into the air, as if the entire body of water was boiling and slowly evaporating into the air. This effect got closer and closer until it reached the waves closest to me. I was shocked. My eyes widened in amazement. I looked up at the clouds, they seemed normal. I looked away at the now darkening sky. It started to feel as if I was looking at it for the first time in my life. When I looked back at the clouds, their shape had completely changed from before! It had only been a few seconds since I last looked at them. It was, sort of funny. I attempted to reproduce the effect and looked away and then back at the clouds. It happened again! It was a slight distortion of the shape, nothing dramatic. But all of this felt as if the clouds were playing a big game of peek-a-boo, and I was the baby. It was kind of, hilarious... I started to chuckle. And then I started to laugh. I couldn't tell you why it was so funny. I started to laugh harder and harder. I couldn't stop. It was uncontrollable. I don't know if I've ever let out such deep, guttural laughs in my entire life. I felt like the Joker character, when only he's privy to a certain joke. But what the hell was the joke here? I suppose the clouds and I were just playing—like children. I continued crying and howling in laughter for almost 30min, attempting to suppress it in the in-between moments—but to no avail. Next, I gawked at the stars. One particular group/constellation stood out to me. After looking it up later on, I believe now that it was the Big Dipper. The stars Dubhe, Megrez, Phecda, and Merak stared back at me with an unimaginable and glaring intensity. Have they always been that bright? I could feel them looking, observing me with wide eyes. They gazed with a fierce, hot-blooded quality about them. It was almost terrifying, but impossible to look away. It was like this for a few moments. Then, just then, at that moment, they spoke something to me. Not in words, no, they spoke despite anatomy. Without vocals, sounds, or a chance of misunderstanding. At first, I didn't understand what was said. And then, horrifyingly, I do. Tears streamed down my cheeks, replacing the joyous ones from before. Sadness, with a staggering depth of which I didn't know was possible, enveloped me completely. I sniffled silently at first. The shape of the stars began to slightly melt. A few moments later I started to sob. I cried and cried until I was a wailing mess. I roared out sounds from deep within my diaphragm, sounds I didn't know I was even capable of producing. The stars now looked like wax dripping from a candle. They were crying too. They cried alongside me, with me, and for me. But why? I turned my sniveling head and soon heard the trees, grass, waves, clouds...everything, starting to cry. Weeping the saddest song I have ever heard in my life. It made me cry even harder. We were all in unison now. Like a chorus of melancholy. But why? What were we crying about? I continued to weep until I was keeled over and shaking; I wanted to ball up into a fetal position to feel safe. As I looked around, there was something there... I detected this presence. It was scary at first, but soon became comforting, as if to say, "it's ok, you're ok". I felt "myself" slip away in sadness as the universe and I continued to cry together. The process continues to occur inexorably. Around maybe 30-40 more minutes of this and it finally dawned on me what was happening. I understood. Of course, we were, all of us, mourning. Mourning a death. The death of "me". No, not my body. That was still intact. My heart was still beating. It was the death of me. The identity, the problems, the stories, the lies, the truths, the ugliness, the beauty, the memories, all of it, was dying. All of it was being burned into ashes and thrown into the wind. I found no reason to resist. I surrendered. On April 12, 2025, I died. As I calmed down, I could sense "my" mind working faster than ever before. Allowing it to happen, the lethal realization of before settled into me. I stood up, as if born again. I understood the "joke" the clouds were babbling about earlier. It was my life. A grand joke in its entirety, until now... and today, the punchline was grasped. Nothing could be funnier. I let out a contorted chuckle. I could now view myself from multiple perspectives. The vantage point of the stars was now mine. Same with the trees. "Nature" was, in every essence, me. I looked down at the grass, and I could see myself! As if looking from behind the mirror. I walked and the grass beckoned for me to touch with my bare feet. I "spoke", "maybe next time!". The grass laughed. I heard the waves crashing against the dock and it called to me. I walked towards it and reached the edge. Looking above the water, the night sky was so brilliant now. I was thankful for a clear night. I did a 180, turned around and then saw it. The full moon, teased just slightly above the tree lines of my neighborhood. My jaw almost hit the floor as I beheld it. Such absolute beauty! I knew it was on the rise and I wanted all of it. I walked toward the local hot dog store and called an Uber. I knew I was in no condition to undertake the hour walk back home. I waited. My mind grasped the trees. They whispered jokes. I snickered and chuckled like a madman. The stars, clouds, grass, and trees all claimed that they were always here! That it was always like this. That I just never noticed them They asked if I would kindly return one day. I promised that I would. I probably looked insane to an outside observer. I exuded disorder. Finally, when the driver arrived, I entered after asking the name, and we took the drive to my address. We made some small talk. I tried to behave and keep repressed the emotions that were rising inside me. I remember the driver commented on the moon. I let out a contorted chuckle. After we reached my home, I thanked him and wished him a good night. As I walked up the driveway to my stairs, I could feel something, this energy rising inside me, I knew it would surface soon. I. HAD. TO. GET. IN. MY. ROOM. I opened the door to my house and, unfortunately, my roommates stood there, one in the living room, the other close to the kitchen. I will refer to them as (not real names) Abe (he/him) and Zoey (she/her). I had told Zoey about my intention to use LSD that day, but the only thing I wanted at that moment was solitude. Abe: "Hey bud" Zoey: "Get any cool visuals!?" Me: "Oh fuck". Abe: "Alright, let's get you grounded" Zoey: "Nope" I left immediately. I walked outside for a bit, unable to take my eyes off the moon. It was SEXY. That was the only appropriate word. I wanted to fuck its brains out. Like my survival depended on it. I needed it. But I also wanted to make love to it slowly... That energy inside me threatened to let itself out. I knew I wouldn't last long now. I decided to wait outside in the backyard until my roommates left the living room because I didn't want them, or anyone for that matter, to see me like this. The backyard we had was large. I stepped into its clearing and sat under the trees and flowers. The tree branches were lit by yellow wire-lights set by our neighbor. It looked so beautiful. As I sat there, the fallen leaves on the floor started to move and shift their shape. They matched my breathing. Every breath I took in, was an inhalation mirrored by them. I exhaled. The shapes of the leaves twisted and bent into serpents. Luminous, bright serpents, about 1 foot long, now slithered toward me. I welcomed them. They appreciated my permission, wrapped around my legs and slowly made their way to my torso, arms, then head. They were divine. I could hear them next to my ear, whispering secrets which seemed to "reprogram" my neurology. My thoughts raced. My breath quickened. I could feel my pupils dilate to their maximum capacity. I was becoming inhuman. I felt like a painting or a piece of art. I never felt so beautiful. Not in a vain sort of way, I just felt no shame in that moment. I could have been naked and it wouldn't have mattered. Then, I remembered my objective. I stood up and started walking. I made my way to the driveway again and caught sight of the moon. It was comically large now. I've never seen such intense glow. It was almost too much. My heart beat faster. I was completely seduced. I squirmed at the sight of it. I tried to calm myself. It screamed for me to come. The energy inside of me was rising up my spinal column...I didn't time this correctly, did I? I knew I had to go into my room and be in privacy. But I decided to wait out a little longer outside. I went to the local park next. Luckily nobody was there. I stood on the grass, breathed deep and sighed. There was one dim white streetlight, but everything else was very dark otherwise. However, the trees and the grass in the park were soaring with vibrant green. It was stunning. I wanted to sink, to be fully gone and be one of them. The beauty was too much for me. Barely able to stand anymore, I dropped to my knees. My palms found themselves placed on the grass. Both hands start to meld and dissolve into the earth. I was frozen. I let it happen. I didn't want to move. And the moon watched all of this. The energy rose higher up my spinal column. "I. MUST. GO" I power walked back to my house. As someone who gets cold very easily, I could feel my body perceive the outside air as too cold, but the energy inside of me burned with such heat that it didn't matter. As I walked, I exclaimed every couple of seconds, "Ah I get it! Hahaha, I get it now!" "Oh, you sexy thing", I kissed the moon goodbye, she winked back. I opened the house door and quietly crept downstairs to my room and locked my door, hoping not to disturb anyone. FINALLY. My light was on. It NEEDED to be turned off. My clothes were on. They NEEDED to be stripped off. I felt the rush of that "first time" feeling when you are about to have sex with someone you've been having intense feelings for (if one would be so lucky as to experience this). I turned on my corner fan to drown out any possible noises I may make. My bed is essentially a sleeping bag and mattress on my ground carpet. I crawled into a ball on the far corner of it, naked as the day I was born, and felt safe. There was no turning back now. My mouth dropped open from heavy breathing. Despite the cold, I started to sweat. My heart was pounding faster and louder. My brain was on fire. My spine burned from the rising. I perceived that this may get violent. I felt near apoplexy. I was blind, yet my vision was supernatural in its clarity and realness. I hallucinate. Scenes of psychic divinity stretching onward into geometric patterns of unwinding infinite complexity. I grasped the wholeness of it. The room was not my room anymore. It was alive, breathing deep alongside me. Everything inanimate was animate. Everything "other" was me. We were intertwined, inseparable, and as one--similar to the nature I perceived outside.Then, a thought occurred for a fraction of a nanosecond, "WAIT...ALL OF IT?"..."ALL OF IT!" I became extremely lucid, then broke through a threshold. Human larynx and language limited me now. There was only one word I couldn't help but utter after that. "GOD" Coiled and wrapped around my cervical vertebrae, the "energy" vibrated, then leapt, and finally latched onto my brain, proceeding to penetrate my very soul. My eyes rolled up and back. I went limp. My body convulsed and shook. My mouth gasped at air. My legs started to shake. ORGASM. As I exhaled, every few minutes, I moaned out softly, "OH..MY...G-O....G-OD..GOD". I dared to scream until the neighbors called the police. "OHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDDDDDDDD!" There were earthquakes all over my body. Every cell of my body pulsed, achieving orgasm simultaneously. I writhed uncontrollably, violently. My abdominal muscles contracted and went into spasms. At long last, I penetrated the moon, a conjured substitute for the universe, and each micro and macroscopic part of my soul ejaculated. And yet I was being penetrated and having a double orgasm at the same time. How paradoxical. How appropriate. I understood the phrase "mind-fuck". My body was drenched in sweat. I heaved and gasped hard to keep up. This lasted for the next 7 hours, with each orgasm pushing further and further, crashing through me like waves on a shore-- to ever increasing heights of bliss. I felt love. It traced my form like soft fingers. It felt like that once in a lifetime kind of love. That first reciprocated love. To love completely, and be loved unconditionally in return. Everlasting. Fireworks. I understood the Hindu word, "ananda". For brief moments, my normal perception returned. Brief respite, but pained frenzy. My tongue drooled. Every fiber of my muscles twitched in post-orgasm. It was almost too much to bear anymore. How can something be THAT pleasurable? Terror and hysterical laughter at the thought...Then back to a perpetual explosion of fucking and being fucked. I achieved critical mass. I became an infinite dragon. Clad in turquoise armor, completely dilated black eyes, and possessing breath of creation and destruction; but granting immortality unto itself. A humming echo returned, as if always there, but remembered only now, like a triggered memory. My mind raced further-further back. The story of my life? Where was I from? Really, truly, from? A womb? But what about the source? Infinite regress. My vagina stretched wide as I screamed. A distant memory. I then gave birth. To a child—myself. MOTHER AND EARTH = I. The solar system, galaxy, clusters, void...I expanded further and further to include everything. Everything that has, is, and will ever exist. I was all and thus was the same for every "other". But we can go even further beyond. I willfully [hallucinated] existence. Alternate timelines—infinite possibilities and universes. Infinite variations in the laws of math, physics, chemistry, biology. If it is imaginable, it exists, somewhere, sometime, someplace. Minutes passed. I could hear the morning birds. As I creaked open my eyes, I was still on the mattress, hands clenching my hair. My sheets soaked in sweat. My throat was raw, probably from the screaming. I sat up and then stood. It was around 8am. The trip had lasted approximately 12 hours. A wave of tiredness came over me. I'd been awake all night. I looked at my hands. They looked foreign. Alien. Then came slow revelation. "I" understood now the mechanism of my thinking. I knew precisely how understanding happened and how it is recursive. "Self-aware" and "awake" are words that found new meaning. I felt more "sober" than I had ever been. I could see now how my mind operated. With almost every reaction to "reality" being a process born of identity and trauma. I saw the mental connections forming, interacting, and how every person is like this. We are the same. Seeking to love and be loved. Our survival depends on it. I was overwhelmed by all this new input. It was days and weeks before I controlled this new flood of filtering; underpinning sex, aggression, self-preservation, all the while disguised as "rational thoughts". I recognized how much of this is the cause of my mood, my motive-- behind every micro-action or decision. My memory and ability for pattern recognition felt easier and faster. Put simply, I felt more "aware" than before. I could see so clearly now that societal constructs, socialization, and socializing was-- low-- and at times--- high-stakes, survival. Survival of ideology, identity, goals, hopes, dreams, and stories we tell ourselves. These were necessary. A perfect balance of life. It was perfect. I do not claim to know the entirety of absolute truth/nature of the universe or that I am now all knowing. After contemplating, many questions still linger: The "perfect balance" of life is perfect and undoubtedly has meaning, but what is the meaning behind it? I do sense that what I grasped was merely one facet of a larger truth. This truth, I intuit, has infinite facets. Grasping them all in a lifetime is [impossible], but exploration/curiosity does drive me to seek and grasp further. Continued exploration of psychedelics [more responsibly next time] is needed. But for now, gratitude filled my cup. I had more to give. -Thank you for reading

If you don't have women in your social circle, then your social circle is just incomplete. The social circle is ideally meant to be like the village... and that has always been the way we've co-existed throughout the vast majority of human history. Before going through all the approach methods for dating purposes, I recommend interacting with people in general (men and women... ideally a mixture of peers and people of all ages). And just focus on building acquaintance-ships and friendships with men and women... including women that you don't find attractive. When you don't have a particular type of person in your social circle (in this case, women) it will make you feel like that kind of person feel is like an alien "other" to you, and it will feel difficult to relate to them beyond one specific agenda or idea. I see a lot of young guys who don't socialize or only socialize with men having this problem with meeting and interacting with women. You can resolve this issue by building yourself a more complete village-like social circle as your primary social goal. And that will give you a more platonic and detached habit of making connections with people without an agenda. And in that process, you will get better at socializing in general and you will come across as more normal and socially adept to women. Overall, it's kind of like the advice of "Don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry"... only it's "Don't approach women when you're starved for basic social connection (or basic social connection with women in particular)."

@Inliytened1 But there would be. It's the logic of God and (non)duality. For example, length only occurs if there is a separation between two points so that you can measure from one object to another. Otherwise, you just get infinity in all directions, which is essentially infinite length. Now, sure, can you create alternative realities where lengths are measured in centimeters, millimeters, elephant stomps, golf carts, alien ⠋cryptic ⠋⣁⡞⠁language, etc.? Yes, of course, but the universal principle of needing two separate points to define length remains, no matter which reality you go to. The same applies here. You can imagine infinite absolutes and countless more infinities, but the fundamental principle remains: for a separation to occur, there must be a separate 'boundary' or something 'separating' the difference. And the key question is: what is that space made of? Vacuum? How did that appear? Intergalactic alien fluid? Who created that, and what's the substance of it? How did that come to be? If you say God made it, then it's God, God separating Himself into gods. This still falls heavily into duality. "Each their own entity" still means there is an 'end' to one and a space between the 'start' of another. Again, the question is: what's separating the two? Hence, repeating the same question. As I acknowledged above, I accept the notion that within God, there can be infinitely many absolutes separate from each other, but not outside of God. That is false.

@Natasha Tori Maru Yes, he claims using psychic abilities to contact Alien intelligences.

I am more bent to the opposite direction - I feel very mundane and always have. Very basic, very boring. I felt my lived experience was very similar to most - although deep down I was rejecting this difference I felt. I never expressed a lot of myself to the external world in an open, authentic & earnest way because I didn't think there was much there to be interested in. Obviously this is tied to having dogshit self worth - which was my main issue, since resolved. Fear of my own potential was another one I had to get at with the demolition crew When I did open up - boy was I shown something amazing! My perspective was welcomed - and not just welcomed - treated like it was alien. And many interactions I have with people - especially when they get close to me - become like this strange thing where I can sense them looking into the abyss within me and they have NO IDEA what they are looking at. And neither do I.... Because I grew up with no TV in an artists studio, removed from normal reality, surrounded by taxidermied animals and human skulls, I have this way of looking at things that is non-standard. I lack of a lot of the beliefs that others have. I understand it now as being akin to someone trying to render a drawing of a vase of flowers. People who proclaim to 'not be able to draw' are literally trying to render the vase how they see it - and what comes out falls short. They feel they have failed - but its not a skill failure - its a failure to really see the constituents of the flowers in the vase. They didn't see it how I saw it. I see negative and positive space, I see the vanishing perspective slightly distorting the form, I see the colours of the objects all around that illuminate the flowers in the vase that the brain filters out. I see a series of shadows and light hitting objects. A cylinder for the vase and millions of circles making the flowers. So I really have this positive outlook for others - I firmly believe people are capable of amazing things. It is just their perspective - that they think they see - holding them back. Like rendering the vase, not a skill issue, a failure to really see what is in front of them. The skill can come later with simple practice. But seeing accurately is key. The truth of the flowers in the vase. Obviously this isn't totally unique at all - simply a creative artists mindset I suspect - but it is a huge difference I simply never realised. But this way of looking at things applied to much of my existence. Even in my construction work - I perceive things others do not. Which means I effortlessly execute things in a way my colleagues do not understand. It is outside their experience so they simply have no idea what is happening. They think it is this magical juju I do... HAHA! It was how I saw things around me that made me different - I had an embedded, deconstructed view. I give credit to my late grandfather for this perspective. Because I never got seriously close to many people regarding this internal vision and how I perceive - I honestly felt I was NOT special. I just knew there was a difference and had no fucking idea what it was. Peoples reaction to me was the evidence of some difference, but I couldn't understand because of us all being locked in our own perception. I projected out my experience, resulting in a lot of frustration with others - and rejection of them as a result. The whole process of attempting to see how I see and showing another was this arduous task I honestly couldn't be fucked engaging in. It is worth it to me now. I just acknowledge the effort of it all. I don't need many people. Just a couple of gems I did get a lot of connection and socialisation when younger. Went aloof, and now a slow return to connection. But seeking a depth I know can be experienced - I just haven't found it yet. I digress - but just sort of marvelling at the differences there! Most of the issue with thinking I was mundane was a product of never really letting anyone in Yep this, I enjoy this. I think the ordinary and mundane is where all the juice of truth lies... No one would think to look there MUAHAHAHAH!

No you didn't understand. For you, everything is very simple because you're on the red team and against the green team. I'm not on either team, so based on the information I have, I try to reach an objective point, which isn't so easy. So, I started reading about the matter, and it wasn't so clear to me. I thought that while the Palestinians had a right to their land, they had been attacking Israel for 100 years, and this latest attack demonstrated their absolute lack of intention to coexist, so Israel had the right to defense. But seeing increasingly clear what the Zionist ideology is, and seeing that it's almost certain the Zionists allowed the attack with the idea of destroying Gaza, and seeing his behavior in the invasion, now I think Israel doesn't have the right to exist as a nation in that land. I know it's very alien to you, because for you everything is easy. Since you're Muslim, you support Muslims. But in my case, it's different. I don't identify with any team.

Yes! Although I’m not sure if it's unconscious or conscious. The reason I have the energy to write all this out is because I’ve seen it far too many times with people I’ve considered highly intelligent. The issue of ingrained misogyny and gender wars is so deeply embedded that it seems to be highly persuasive, even for independent thinkers. I think I was just shocked to see it (Leo included). I’ve known both men and women, and I can tell you these were extremely independent, almost disagreeable thinkers who refuse to succumb to the status quo and unoriginal thought. Yet, they still have and believe in these worldviews, which slip into their psyche through the arguments they make and the comments they pass. That’s when I realized this isn’t necessarily an issue of independent thinking; sometimes these things are just so deeply ingrained that it’s hard to break free from them. You need heavy reframing and alternative arguments to break out of them. So my guess is that Leo likely has a lot of these unconscious biases, and maybe he’s also attracted to a specific type of "feminine" woman, which filters his perception. I also find it funny that men often ignore or claim that women they’re not attracted to are “not feminine” and are instead more “masculine.” It’s a strange double standard. I know plenty of men who are masculine but whom I’m just not attracted to or who aren’t my type. I remember Leo talking about one of his girlfriends who was neurodivergent or had Asperger’s (I think?), and he called her “masculine” because she wasn’t overly dramatic or emotional, and it was one of his most functional and calm relationships he has ever had. That’s a funny remark to make, "Oh, she’s not going too crazy, so she must be more like a guy!" I don’t know where this stigma came from that any woman who isn’t emotionally unstable or who can think rationally is somehow more “manly.” If you subconsciously believe this, then, of course, you’re going to think men are the more stoic, truth-seeking ones. There are obviously a lot more points I’ve brought up above, but Leo’s arguments in both of those posts were extremely myopic. It’s also funny how he completely neglects the fact that most of the people he called untruthful, biased, and narcissistic in his blog were not women at all. And his dear friend Trump… well, of course, we completely forget about these men, they aren’t "real" men. But if a woman acted like Trump, she’d be a true woman, right? She’d only do what she "feeeeeeeels like doing," such a drama queen breaking up with Elon on Twitter... tsk, tsk, tsk! My hope is that the more powerful arguments and reframing strategies I (We) find, the easier it will be to break down this deeply ingrained issue. That's why I think parodies can be a great tool for this: if you can poke at egos and show them how silly they can be in a way that makes them realize it themselves, you might start to see a few lightbulb moments here and there. But who knows, shrug shrug! Men are just as emotional and deeply ingrained in their egos as anyone else. Trump, Andrew Tate, tyrants, and narcissistic world leaders are perfect examples of what happens when masculinity goes too far. The difference is that when women are irrational or emotional, it’s more overt; we see them cry, whine, be hurt, or vulnerable, which makes it more recognizable. With men, it's often more covert because they aren't "allowed" to express their emotions as openly. Instead of seeing a guy cry when he's rejected, you might see him do a complete 180 and call the woman a slut or a bitch, or act like she wasn’t good enough for him anyway. Instead of admitting loneliness, he might start a Reddit or 4chan red-pill movement. Instead of admitting he feels powerless and wants to feel superior, he creates a whole ideology where his race, gender, or beliefs are supreme, and everyone else should be suppressed, subjugated, or worse. He so desperately clings to finding some rational argument to justify it, trying to make it seem "objective, sensible, reasonable, and rational." Even Leo's posts are a perfect example of this, so much writing justifying his bias. Essentially, since emotions aren't overtly allowed for the masculine, they have to find ways to covertly or indirectly express them, often using other "masculine" tools like rationale, anger, domination, fighting, and status games to validate and justify their emotions. This pattern is something I see everywhere, all the time. It really feels like we’re forgetting that we’re all human, with fragile egos. Ego follows emotion. How is it that men suddenly seem like these alien creatures, detached from it all? It’s absurd. Just as you said, exactly! It’s honestly hilarious how men will openly say, "Oh, just appeal to my ego, teehee ;-)," and even take pride in it, giving tips to women like, “Show him respect, cater to his ego.” They’ll overtly admit they love their egos being stroked, yet still somehow believe this won’t cloud their judgment or put them in a biased state. And then they turn around and claim masculinity is all about pure rationality and unbiased truth-seeking. Leo himself said, "Ego is the little devil on our shoulder." It’s almost like they’re completely blind to how much their ego influences their perceptions. Catering to the ego makes "logical" sense in terms of survival. But survival, in the spiritual or enlightened sense, isn’t about feeding the ego. It’s actually about letting go of it, transcending it, and embracing things like love, compassion, beauty, and the pursuit of purity. All these things are often stereotypically feminine. But for some reason, they keep getting brushed aside. I think this is where a lot of the "flaw" happens: men are seen as more rational in terms of pushing their survival agenda, and to the ego, this seems like the most rational, smart, pragmatic, and truthful thing to do. But again, we are forgetting that spirituality is not about the ego. So, you cannot claim that what the ego finds to be true is the actual truth.

More Debunks! https://www.actualized.org/insights/why-masculinity-values-truth-more Okay... let's analyze! The idea that 'men value truth and women value feelings' is easily debunked by looking at women’s history (or frankly, any minority or repressed group). If men were truly high-value truth seekers, why did they feel the need to enslave, suppress, and exclude women from higher education, the workforce, and other knowledge-seeking and expanding opportunities? If valuing truth was so natural to them, why not just ask women what they wanted and fulfill their truth as well? You can’t claim to value truth if it’s only when it aligns with your perspective and serves your interests. There are many more arguments later that I’ll make that show men care about the truth only when it suits them emotionally. A true truth seeker would want others to seek truth too, to be enlightened as well. They would create systems that support this spiritual journey, not lock their students away next to washing machines or by the kitchen stove. And if you use the argument that 'those are just the corrupt men,' that's silly. You can't nitpick like that. I could throw a curveball and say, 'Oh, well, the only truly 'real' women are highly spiritual, intelligent, and rational women who are both in tune with their logic and emotions, every other woman is corrupt! She's not a valid representation of the feminine!' But that’s not how it works. You have to own the *truth* of all expressions of your gender and look at it rationally and *truthfully*. If your gender is disproportionately responsible for things like war, power struggles, greed, manipulation, oppression, and sexual exploitation when in power, then one should seriously question how truthful masculinity is by nature. Truth is not the same as effectiveness; in fact, they are often opposites. Survival is not inherently about truth. Sure, they can be correlated, but the fact that men are physically stronger and can bend, control, dominate, and threaten reality more than women might actually make them more prone to being untruthful. “Oh, I see… I'm the most powerful, alright! I’ll use the truth to my advantage and create my own version of reality.” It’s easy to manipulate the truth to build a spiritual cult, convince women to worship you, sleep with you, and brainwash them all. It’s effective for the ego, right? That’s how “truth” can be twisted into something that serves personal gain rather than genuine reality. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you how many men throughout history have created cults, ideologies, and religions to manipulate and misuse the truth. You can be aware of the truth, but if you twist it to deceive others, how truly aligned with the truth are you? If men were genuine, pure truth-seekers or enlightened gurus, they would seek to enlighten everyone, regardless of race, gender, or age. But history clearly shows us that this is the complete opposite of what’s actually happened. Also, you do realize this goes full circle, right? If you say women value men because they are truthful, that means women value truthfulness and pragmatism. But what do men value? Emotionally, they often seek softness, something smaller, younger, and less likely to threaten their ego. They want someone who won’t be too disagreeable, someone who won’t challenge them or tell them how it is, but will follow blindly, subserviently, and boost their ego, "Oh, my king!". Hmm? How strange... It’s curious how this all comes full circle, almost like men are the ones who need a partner to be deluded, feeding into their own delusions. If femininity really is this delusional, unintelligent, and irrational behavior, why are they so attracted to it? Effectiveness ≠ Truth If anything, I could flip this argument. The world often rewards men for how brutal, manipulative, and devilish they can be, essentially for their ability to dominate and bend reality. By nature, survival, and design, they are more likely to become liars, cheaters, and ego-driven, often falling down a corrupt path. I don’t want to repeat myself, but this issue goes both ways. If I saw statistically that men were more aligned with the truth of reality and fighting for it, while women were lost in delusions with their astrology and crystals, sure, that could be one thing. But that’s not the case. What we’re really seeing is human ego and greed playing out on both sides. Men often come to terms with the brutal truth of reality, yet instead of helping, they exploit the system for their gain, creating more manipulative industries, crypto scams, sex cults, harmful ideologies, and pyramid schemes, rather than contributing to something meaningful. Let’s flip the argument again: consider that women are often most vulnerable to their very mating partners, who are their natural predators in many ways. This is a hard, cold reality to face. The question is: Who faces the harshest truths in nature, the predator or the prey? Who’s more painfully aware of reality? The one who has the power to tear apart, or the one who’s constantly aware they can be torn apart at any second? On the topic of business: Research shows that, on average, men take more risks than women, both physically and financially, which may help explain why female-led companies often have steadier, long-term growth. MSCI reported that companies led by women saw 10‑point better returns on equity over time. Male-led companies may pursue faster growth, but often at the cost of higher risk and volatility. In contrast, female-led companies often achieve more sustained and stable growth. During crises like the pandemic, firms led by women were perceived as less risky, had better credit quality, and weathered downturns more reliably than male-led firms. A large-scale study of nearly 99,400 global firms found that companies led by women consistently outperformed male-led ones on exploitation metrics, such as productivity, innovation, and capacity utilization, but showed lower growth in sales and aggressive expansion behaviors like asset acquisition. Men are much more likely to punch, attack, or street fight, whereas women are more likely to express crying, issues, or vulnerability; both of these are impulsive, non-stoic expressions, not grounded, logical approaches. Being ruthless and warlike has very little to do with actual enlightenment or truth. It's much more of a Stage Red argument. If you look at the average yogi or monk, they often embody qualities that might be considered more feminine: calm, peaceful, non-ruthless, patient, detached from material reality, and distant from war. But of course, you could flip these definitions and argue that they’re also very masculine in their stoicism, emotional detachment, independence, and resilience. In reality, they embody both qualities. The core argument is this: yes, you might be forced to confront harsher truths, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily value or appreciate them more. And again, I’m not convinced that men are more compelled to value truth. Think about all the victimization, abuse, torture, and rape that women endure, and their overwhelming helplessness in the face of it. That can be just as awakening as any brutal reality check; it’s an intense, harsh truth of its own. Truth certainly demands the harshness of reality, but it also often requires safety and privilege to even access it. Buddha, for instance, could only retreat to a cave because he already had every material need taken care of. He had the privilege of detachment from survival. So, in that sense, I could argue that men, being more occupied with survival, might have less mental and emotional space to engage with spirituality. Women, on the other hand, might have more time to be spiritually aware or reflective because they’re less consumed by the demands of physical survival. Science, rationality, pragmatism, empiricism, logic, and systematization are what you get when you focus solely on those aspects of reality. That’s why ‘mystics’ and highly open-minded individuals, who weren’t afraid to explore the paranormal, undefined, and more 'chaotic', often ‘feminine’ parts of reality, were needed to make greater scientific breakthroughs. It’s also funny how liberalism is viewed here as a more progressive and correct view, yet if I ask some hardcore, masculine, grungy redneck, they'd say liberalism is for 'pussy beta cucks' and that you're not a real man if you hold that perspective! This means conservatism is seen as largely more masculine, not liberal; yet somehow, the feminine is considered the higher perspective? In fact, if an objective alien were to observe both from a non-partisan perspective, they’d probably conclude that conservatism feels more masculine, while liberalism feels more feminine. I could argue: "Oh! Men are often more likely to get stuck in the endless pursuit of self-preservation, resource gathering, and power hunger, remaining in stages like Red or Orange in terms of consciousness. On the other hand, women are more likely to be in Stage Green, which is more focused on community, empathy, and interconnectedness. This puts them in a much better position to access higher levels of consciousness, like Tier 2 (Yellow, Turquoise, etc.), where a more holistic and integrative worldview can emerge!" But what’s less obvious is that love also demands truth. Without truth, you cannot truly love or care for another person, especially children. Your emotions, intentions, and actions must align with the reality of the person you care about, their needs, their struggles, and their growth. If you delude yourself about your partner, you risk losing them. If you ignore the truth about your children's needs, their development, their struggles, you’ll fail them. The world of relationships, like the battlefield or business, demands an honest view of the reality you’re in. If you deceive yourself about your partner's feelings or your children's needs, you’ll lose your connection to them. Love that is built on fiction, on denial or self-deception, is ultimately fragile and unsustainable. True love is rooted in an honest understanding of each other, where both parties are seen clearly, without distortion. Why is it often the men who are absent from their children's lives? Why do so many men end up with second families, struggle with fidelity, rely heavily on porn, or constantly demean and compare their partners? Why is the domestic violence rate so much higher? Why is it that so many men show so little interest in their partners' lives and needs? It’s almost a sad, ironic meme at this point: dads forgetting holidays, birthdays, or missing parent-teacher conferences. It's like society has normalized this neglect, turning it into a joke. Why is this behavior so common? You can’t selectively value truth. If you only care about the truth on the battlefield but ignore it when it comes to loving your family, then you don’t actually care about the truth; you care about fueling your ego. You want to be the hero, the protector, the savior, the cool, edgy, tough soldier. If you can’t be truthful with the people you love, then you're just living in a delusion of your own making. I agree to some extent, but if men were truly these high-level truth-seekers, why are so many of them avoiding socializing, depressed, constantly playing video games, and spending their time debating their favorite ideologies on online forums? If masculinity is so deeply connected to truth, shouldn’t we see a clear discrepancy between how this "Gen Z modern" lifestyle is affecting men vs. women? Also, if women were so desperate for someone to take care of them, why do we see female ideologies pushing for pro-choice, higher education, delayed marriage, the 4B movement, women in business, and advocating for more and more independence? If femininity is so reliant on being taken care of, desperately wanting to stay in "La La Land", wouldn’t these movements reflect that? It’s also curious that many men complain about women not being subservient enough, while women are clearly pushing for greater autonomy. Does this really follow the path of a "truth seeker"? And when we look at voting patterns, who do you think elected Trump? The gender disparity in voting is massive, and it tells a very different story about what genders currently value. Men often complain that women are too vulgar, not sweet, soft, as easily influenced, or feminine enough. They point out how women are out-earning them and have more ambition. Meanwhile, women tend to prefer when their guy is more direct and straightforward. So, who here really seems to value truth more? And who is trying to protect their ego from being hurt? It’s clear that the ones pushing for softness and maintaining their ego might be more concerned with image than truth. How is this a good point for men? Imagine if we flipped the scenario: women are far more suited for truth because which woman would go fight a war to protect her family? That action is far more suitable for a man than a woman. To prioritize truth over everything and everyone else is a hell of a thing, and it comes more naturally to women than men. That’s why nature allowed men to be stronger, to fight and protect, while women focus on spirituality, doing their yoga and witchcraft. Who’s really facing the true, harsh reality of survival here? The one who’s protecting something so vulnerable, just after giving birth, in a jungle, while struggling to keep a newborn alive? It's funny how convenient it is to abandon your wife and children in the name of "spiritual seeking," and then turn around and claim she’s the delusional one. You can’t flip-flop and nit-pick these arguments. You can’t say men are "more hardcore" because they go to war "Grrr... raw survival, pragmatism, guns, bombs, aghhh!" and value truth for that, but then say that they leave their families to go sit in a cave, abandoning the women to take on the brutal, life-or-death responsibility of caring for the child. How does that make sense? How does that follow? It should take zero brain cells to realize that nurturing a newborn, especially after experiencing the death-risking potential of pregnancy, is extremely hardcore. To assume that women don’t value truth in order to survive is simply naive. In fact, the history of countless men, many of whom were intellectual, spiritual, or simply able to sit in caves for years, contemplating mathematical problems, highlights the privileged and cushy survival conditions they had. Meanwhile, most women were immediately thrust into roles where they had to please their husbands and work to ensure their own survival. On top of that, they were often viewed as prizes or targets in war, subjected to rape, torture, and sexual exploitation. To claim that women lived in some sort of airy, protected survival fantasy is a narrow, myopic perspective.

Anyone thirsty for more stuff - Roswell UFO incident W. Glen Dennis interview - He claimed he visited the base hospital and saw unusual wreckage and was warned to leave. Later, a nurse (whom he never named definitively) supposedly told him about autopsies on small alien bodies. This guy reads more authentic to me. Who knows https://youtu.be/_DA-g94Ro1I?si=IziC9VAnSf1XYUvc

This shit below is more my jam - I don't read others theories. I try to go for first-hand recounts. OFC it could be completely full of shit, a LARP etc. This is more going into the NHI that are associated with UAPs It's interesting. I will sit through these interviews and scope body language, tonal reads, facial micro-expressions. I slow them down and watch for a full analysis. I even cross reference other interviews with individuals to try to get a read on how genuine, authentic and candid they are (also to get their baseline). This one caught me, and I return to it often. Guy claims to have had contact with an alien. My conclusion is he is deluding himself. There is some mixture of truth and lies in this. The story of J-Rod:

Not sure if I want to put them on the thoughts and insighs thread: Its easier to live in society as a humanized animal then a humanized alien.

You have to find a real source, not humans speculating, but an actual alien. Like Bashar. Yes craft. Bob Lazar also confirms this.

@Joshe I consider the UFO phenomenon to be originating from consciousness - outside the overlay that is space and time. This means for me it cannot be understood from the perspective of space and time. Again, my opinions on this matter are just ideas, and until one has direct experience they technically don't exist. I am not attached to any idea and quite open. I will add I am tainted somewhat but having direct experience with entities. But I always turn back to this and doubt what I experienced. Testimonials from alleged individuals who have worked with the technology, and alien bodies. And had contact experiences. I don't really like to read other people's wild theories - more go to alleged first hand sources

It just all seems to easily fall apart. “Space ship” is a ship traveling through space. Is it more likely the purpose of an alien spaceship is to travel small distances or large distances through space? What happened? There were just little worker aliens transporting cargo from their 3rd planet to their 5th and got caught up in an interdimensional portal that just happened to open up here? And once they were in our solar system, how far did they have to travel before they crashed on earth? Do most theories you look into involve an alien ship or just an alien body that showed up? Any theory that involves a ship and or travel/transport from one physical location to ours is highly improbable, and as far as I can see, those are the only means to get from A to B. I’m open to wormholes and maybe even advanced life forms being able to teleport or alter space/time, but to get from A to B requires a mechanism. To speculate what that mechanism is beyond anything we’ve ever scientifically confirmed or theorized is, as Leo likes to say “Fantasy”. If I were to consider it plausible that an advanced being can alter space/time of physical reality, I would be engaging in fantasy (which can be fun) because there’s not even a hint of evidence to support this. If new evidence comes out, I won’t reject it, but currently it is in the same ballpark as believing in ghosts, but actually even more outlandish. @Salvijus don’t worry, I won’t steal your sunshine. I hope alien rumination brings you much entertainment and joy.

@Natasha Tori Maru Imagine you're a woman who comes from a family of successful professionals, very focused on social status. During your childhood, your relationship with your parents was acceptable; they were demanding but not bad people. From childhood, you internalized that you should be accepted, fulfill your role, not be less than your siblings. Love? Well, I guess so, some. They do their best. You managed to live up to expectations, found a partner, a job as a lawyer, and had children. None of this really interested you much; the basis of your movement was not to be left behind. Do you love your children? Well, you think so. You try the best for them, although dealing with them was always tense. And your husband? Do you know him? You think so. He's a good person, he doesn't treat you badly. Everything is so strange, alienating. Sometimes you daydream about your family dying, and you immediately feel enormously guilty. Besides, what would you do? Alone, in middle age, sad. Sadness. Everything is strange, alien. You start having obsessive thoughts about your health and that of your children. You don't understand why, you don't understand anything. You go to the psychologist, you explain things, it helps you let go, but the sadness continues, and old age and death are right in front of you. Then, are your thoughts the cause of your suffering, or a consequence of an energetic structure built in a whole life in contact with an environment that creates those structures? It's real, built in decades, layers and layers of structure. You must be, let's say determinate and smart to penetrate to the bottom and destroy it. Maybe you should be someone determined to conquer the reality. Unfortunately, the most probably is that woman wont be that , but there are medicines, and some videos about self help to have some illusion that you are creating your suffering, and if you stop thinking everything would be wonderful

What are the actual issues are you referring to? Not interested in the alien stuff, only got aware of it from this forum.

Not that any of use will achieve this fullly: ... here in our lifetime. Yet, it is my experience that a view oriented towards that makes it much easier to stay open in Awakened Awareness in daily life considering all survival (which I prefer as concept) / corruption (which can easily close ones sobre Awakening down, which is why I prefer survival since its easier to have compassion then) on our lovely little backwater planet Earth. Planet Earth, a playground which in our present time seems largely to be a Kindergarten of developing souls. Which, in itself, is also a precious learning and development opportunity for all those souls engaged in the survival/corruption of the lower Spiral Dynamic stages. I don't consider you as such. Honestly, I quite like you and your development over the last years, having Truth as uncompromising North Star and guidance. By definition, that North Star leads to the Summum Bonum of the Good, Truth and Beautiful ("Wikipedia, The transcendentals (Latin: transcendentalia, from transcendere "to exceed") are "properties of being", nowadays commonly considered to be truth, unity (oneness), beauty, and goodness" ), to becoming the Alien this life or the next. And then maybe, "like shepherds of consciousness, tending its evolution across vast expanses of life and energy.... as they do to millions and billions of other lives and consciousnesses within the field of their awareness—as if it were the brightest, most valuable flame in creation." So, Godspeed and bon voyage on/in/as the River!

If aliens could make it here, wouldn’t it be highly likely they would have absolutely mastered the physical domain? Such that they wouldn’t crash land on our planet? Such an alien civilization with the tech to travel through worm holes and harness energy from stars would likely have been in existence for hundreds of millions of years. Maybe for them, flying by our planet would be like us walking by an ant and earth would be just another habitable planet out of a billion others that they could easily warp drive to. Also, if a civilization survives as long as required to master the physical domain, it’s more likely than not that they have transcended war and are peaceful. This idea that haphazard aliens are incompetently crashing on our planet and aliens are gonna come after us seems absurd af.

Have you guys heard about the whole “hostile alien space ship will come to earth by November” shenanigans

lol idk i felt kind of dumb. I saved it so i'll post it again Original post: I already know that the natural unfolding of God is imagining "expansion" (including all the change,etc.) for eternity. Everything that has ever came into imagination by it of this world, the universe, other universes, other dimensions, other minds, alien minds, the mind of an ant, human, tree, planet, mailbox in another dimension etc. (you get the point, everything) Really anything thats imagined by the "essence" to "exist" or "be" and all the layers embedded within all of it. I know its all coming from the same thing and human interpretation is whats coloring it in to be understood by a human lens and separating and categorizing things. But if you take it all away, then what are you left with? Void? nothing? possibility? The substrate of a mind that imagines things and realities? But what is the substrate of God? I'm still trying to understand "Why?" Why does it exist? why is there what it is and not other? or is that just being imagined by human mind? Why when i stare at my hands, why is that being imagined there by me? by god? If God is infinity, what is infinity encapsulated by? nothing? the things that are being imagined from it? If you take away all the imagination of god, everything in all forms/dimensions,etc., and you are left with nothing being imagined. what is that thing doing the imagining of all the things? And is that thing being imagined? No matter the content of what it imagines or the structure of how it unfolds, I want to know what that "vessel" or "essence" is . What is doing the imagining? where is "all things ever" spawning from? If you imagine an ever unfolding expansion of all things, including the infinite sea of things i am not aware of, what is doing the imagining and why is it doing it? Like why is the function of god to imagine infinity? Try to imagine the start of all imagination. If there is truly no end and no beginning to the imagination, then wtf is this thing and why is it? Why is the function of God to imagine things to infinity? Try to put yourself in Gods shoes. Where does it originate from? Why is it like that? I cannot get myself past the questions of why and where it comes from. where (where it started, how it started, if it even started at all, etc.) and then the "why". Someones answer might be "love, or for consciousness to become more intelligent, etc." But why? how do you even know that? How do you know youre not just trying to put something into human language to try and define it in a way you understand? If you took away everything and were just left with the void of nothingness, just pure god, not imagining anything. how can that actually be nothing if that same thing is whats spawning and birthing the imagination of everything? Like what is "that thing" thats doing it all? where did it come from, why is it? I hope I don't sound silly, I am genuinely just trying to grasp something that appears to be ungraspable. I'm trying to define it or understand it without diluting it just so I "can" understand it. I don't want my human experience diluting the truth of what it really is just so i can understand it.

If you have been seeing this thing of “hostile alien ship heading to earth by November”, this is absolutely false. It’s fake news created through social media to distract from actual issues. Please do not believe this crap. I’ve seen a shocking number of people on social media buying this.

Does the "infinite consciousness" model, that Leo talks about, namely that consciousness is all there is, answer the question "What happens after we die?"? The model implies that after we die an infinite number of possible scenarios could occur. You could be reborn as any sort of being (a snail, an alien). You could awaken as "God" and realize you were dreaming the whole thing. You could wake up in Christian heaven. You could remember past lives or you could wake up not remembering anything of past lives (similar to the current scenario). You could wake up as another human and die and do it all over again. Right?

@Leo Gura sorry that you are so estranged, separated, and alienated from your inner femininity. As a man, femininity is actually the closest thing to my heart. You cannot truly 'understand' it with the mind, you must surrender to your pain and detach from your mind - just like sinking into a hot bath tub. Except that you will dissolve in that bathtub without control.

Haha the mainstream understanding of philosopy. Yes primary insight aka direct experience is king because it is absolutely true. Secondary insights aka concepts about direct experience are always open for debate. I havent verified most of these claims in my direct experience yet but I just want to comment on these two: Well consciousness allows this to happen obviously. But it would be a limit on consciousness if it only allowed that to happen. You should also be careful with how you integrate these absolute truths, because we deal with relative truths in everyday life. Its good that we as a society dont allow rape, murder or other crimes to happen. Not sure what you mean by ego minds perception. All there exists are states of consciousness, if you think that all your experience is rendered by your ego, including mysical experiences, perhaps the experience of a cat, a tree an alien, 'free-love' , ... whatever then yes.

Great. When I reach Alien level you can hold me to that standard. Until then I guess you're just stuck with asshole old me.