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Even the pure awareness - or being - is not constant. When we are in deep sleep, there is nothing. Absolutely nothing. So am I actually NOTHING where all this life (my life) appears? If that's the case, how this NOTHINGNESS connects to all other things in existence? It seems to be ONLY the void where Klaudia's life appears. Is the mind creating the separation? Like cutting a slice of the infinite nothingness? The mind is unable to solve this mystery. And as I can see, all we can use, is our mind. The mind is the one who wants to know the truth and finally realizes that it is incapable of seeing out of it boundaries. Actually the mind realizes that its own existence is the reason of not seeing the Truth.

Good question. When you are in the present moment, you may become aware of two things -- what to do next (authentic self) or no-self. If you are lucky enough to experience the full-fledged no-self (formlessness/nothingness), that's awesome. No-self is always present. However, when you're fully in the present moment, with very little thinking and analyzing of the past or future, with very little stories in your mind (monkey-mind) because you dropped them, you will be able to clearly do your next step. That is your authentic self. Examples - "It's time to exercise." "It's time to go to my backpack and work on my life purpose." "It's time to cook something healthy." "It's time to clean out that box in the corner." "It's time to meditate." Etc., etc., etc.

Did you ever notice how incredibly amazing it is that we exist in the first place? That anything is even possible to exist or not exist? I thought about this already a long time ago but for the first time I really felt it inside of me, I was literally disturbed by existence. Disturbed in a good way in the end because it is simply amazing to have this opportunity to live! To clarify what I mean, how is it possible for consciousness, absolute infinity, nothingness, everything, source, god, whatever you think it is, to emerge in the first place? I know this is a beginner question if it is merely a thought, even I as a kid already thought about this, but if you really manage to experience the disturbing nature of this and feel this, probably single unknown answer even for consciousness itself, it becomes a really deep insight. Even using intuition, this is the first question that really doesen't even have random creative explanations to be thrown around. Now don't start with saying that everything is an illusion please, illusions are just a distortion of something that has to be there in some form or another. Illusions surely don't answer this fundamental question of all questions.

Er... first post. Sorry for the length. It's not a light topic; I tried to keep it concise, but it's philosophy. Also, this is the philosophy of enlightenment. I get the difference between thinking about the concept of truth vs direct awareness of the self. This is a mental circle-jerk, but it's fun and interesting, so here it is anyway. I’ve heard a lot of people say “you don’t attain enlightenment; there’s nobody to be enlightened.” Many instructors really harp on this point. I get the gist of this as a helpful pointer for the grasping ego, but I don’t know that I entirely agree with it as a true statement. That's what this post is all about. First, enlightenment. I like Leo’s analogy of it being like The Matrix. The truth is not that you’re an ego trapped within the matrix, but that you are The Matrix. The matrix (your true self) isn’t a giant machine, but is the infinite nothingness in which all exists. I’m seeing the world from one person’s perspective, and mistakenly imagining that this person is all that I am, but the truth is the little me is just me experiencing myself through a story. The trick with that is becoming aware of the matrix as the matrix. I’ve heard this same analogy as a TV screen, but again, you are the screen. There’s nothing really conceptual that captures that last part of nothingness observing nothingness, which I think is what makes the journey so hard. Second, the brain/body is (in)deterministic. There’s no comprehensible concept of “choice” or “will” in a purely material universe, not to mention there’s no way for our brain to act independently of all outside influences. I’m a programmer, so it’s easy for me to think about determinism in a technical context. A light switch doesn’t have choice; a calculator is a fancy series of light switches; a chess playing computer is really just an extension of the same concept. QM and relativity are a bit more mind bending, but are also entirely logical and (in)deterministic. Given a set of inputs, you get a known output (or probability in the case of QM). The only differences with our brain is that it’s a very advanced, purposeful computer, and it has a heck of a lot inputs; so many inputs that it appears to act independently of its surroundings. So, basically, our brain/body is a sort of natural automaton. Some combo of my DNA, childhood, friends, family, pressures, failures, successes, books I’ve read, things I’ve watched, and an unimaginable myriad of other factors brought me to where I am today, practicing mindfulness and self-inquiry, going on and on about philosophy, and posting to this forum. Enlightenment is non-duel, all one, monism. I don't know that I'm entirely convinced of this yet; philosophically, it seems possible to me (at the moment) that consciousness and matter could have separate objective existence, and consciousness could somehow influence matter (dualism). But, either way, materialism doesn't lead to "choice," and the ego only mistakenly believes its in control. So, given these, what is enlightenment really? Who is there to become enlightened? I see two ways of looking at it, which both seem true. 1) My true self. Awareness that I am the nothingness in which all things are. “God.” This can only be direct awareness; the infinite observing the infinite. Any kind of conceptualization of this is a blinder. This is the typical guidance on the topic, and I can see how this is necessarily so. 2) This little automaton. Just like Google stores facts, analyzes, and “learns,” so does my mind. The experience of self-awareness itself escapes the mind, but the idea/thought/concept of awareness doesn’t entirely escape the mind. If it did, none of us would be able to think about this stuff enough to talk about it. I imagine it’s somewhat like waking from and remembering a dream, where your waking consciousness gets enough hints and ideas of the dream to know that it happened. Whether that's an accurate analogy or not, I don't know, but it necessarily seems like something in the finite has to shift for anybody to ever be aware that reality is infinite. So, “there’s nobody to become enlightened?” I don’t know about that. No true self, no consciousness, but something in the brain necessarily shifts. I (ego) may never directly know truth, but I would have to know the idea of truth. That's not even mentioning the tangible little-self changes. Agree? Disagree? Thoughts?

Let me contemplate a bit. These are my thoughts and I don't claim it's true, but makes sense in my own mind. You wanted an intellectual answer anyway so don't be surprised if it's complete bs ? Perhaps because there is no you to be aware of them and no "their perspective", because there is no them either. There is also no you to be aware of "your" experience, there's just what's happening, with no-one that it's happening to. It's a who's experience, but objectively, not subjectively. You are no longer a subject when you see that the who's experience, the I, is simply an experience happening to nobody and therefore that nobody is God, the creator. It's not you with your limited name and form. We are all but avatars of the supreme nothingness. Hallucination is the lower self, nothingness is the higher self. And you are both and neither. Is no-one big or small? It can be seen as nothing or as everything, since everyone's true nature is that they are no-one, so every who's or subjective experience is happening in no-one or nothing or emptiness. Is your experience in space and time? What does space and time exist in? If it's in something, what does that something exist in? Could there be a separate "I" beyond space and time? For separation you need the illusion of Space and time which in term produces separate subjective experiences What we are left with now is just the illusion of a subject made out of matter (the body) or the more advanced, but still illusory - a subject made out of mind. A subject that exists subtly. This is where we most are. The true Self alone doesn't have a subjective experience, because it is all that is, it can only be. ?

This post caught my attention, because I am now trying to incorporate peripheral vision to my enlightenment work. I am peripherally aware in that way of the nothingness beyond what even my peripheral vision can see, which is like peripherally seeing what I project as the ultimate, or God, or Source. Perhaps you are too interested in looking at forms. Try to soften your gaze and view the static infront of objects instead. I will give you a video that might change your life. All the best!

10th Sep, 2017 I directly experienced God, Him, The Absolute, The Void, The Hole, The Singularity, Nothingness, The Infinite, The Godhead, The Supreme, The Grand Architect, Source, Truth. Lately I have been longing to get out of the city and away from all of its egoism and to spend some more time in nature. Last week I had a dream where I was driving along a road through a forest. I decided I wanted to get out and ride my bike on the bright green grass. I failed to slow down enough when pulling off the road so my car slid across the grass; I managed to keep control of the car and stop. I drove a little down the road, down a hill and park behind a car at the side of the road. My dad is in the car. I ask him if this is the road that leads back to Melbourne, apparently it was not and that I should have turned onto a road further back. I decided that I was going to continue on this road instead of going back to the city, but first spend some time in the forest around me which made me feel warm, at peace, and nostalgic. I can remember in the dream looking at a GPS map of my location. It was directly north of Melbourne and on a road that travelled west-east. A few days after the dream I saw a post on Reddit displaying pictures of the snow at Mt Macedon. It looked beautiful and I had only ever seen snow one when I was a kid, so I looked up the location of Mt Macedon, it was north-west of Melbourne and not very far away. It wasn’t in the exact location of the place in my dream, but quiet close. This Saturday I made the trip out to Mt Macedon, I had set myself two goals for this journey which were to spend some more time in nature, away from the heavily egoic city, and to see the snow (the snow had cleared up by the time I got there). The road there went along the top of a mountain with a drop and then more mountains on either side. It was a beautiful drive; exactly what I longed for. I parked at the top of Mt Macedon and decided to take some mushrooms, I ate ten (Psilocybe Subaeruginosa) with many small mushrooms, a few medium sized, and no large, so what was supposed to be a fairly mild to moderate dose. I was hiking down a trail when I started to come up. I noticed profoundly the silence of the forest and rapidly became more and more aware of The Void. I had never been so enveloped in Nothingness before, I (my ego) was dying; I was scared. Luckily I was quiet educated about ego death and knew not overreact. I turned back and headed toward the top of the mountain. Suddenly I became overwhelmed by symbolism, not only mentally but in the physical environment as well. I felt as if every fundamental question I ever had (ie. Who am I? What is the universe? Why does anything exist at all? What is consciousness?) was leading up to this point. It became clear to me that I was lost; spiritually lost. The fact that I now found myself in a forest with no one else in sight and no trace of civilisation was representative of that. I kept repeating in my mind ‘I’m so lost, I’m so lost’. For the past few years I have found myself on the spiritual path. I was now on a path heading up a mountain which at its peak housed the Memorial Cross; a monument in the form of a massive cross. I made my way back to the car park trying as hard as I could to hold my consciousness intact; I thought I was about to go hyper-dimensional (the DMT-like hallucinogenic experience) which I was not prepared for. I pleaded ‘I don’t want to go, please don’t take me, I want to stay here’. After a while I realised I wasn’t going anywhere, I took a look around and realised that my ordinary reality was still here and I was in fact not tripping all that strongly (tripping in the usual sense as in visual and auditory hallucination, headspace, ect.). What had happened was that I had been unveiled. I could see God, the source of all things. I had direct consciousness. I was no longer a person. My reaction was ‘I see. I SEE.’ While I am not a Christian (and was even a militant atheist at one point); the most natural word for what I saw was God. God is not a person as we think of it in the Christian sense. God is a Singularity yet simultaneously a Void. God is Infinite yet Nothing. I could see that this Singularity was the Source of my existence and of the world I see around me. The world around me was being “spewed out” of this Hole. I saw that I am that Hole. This is my True Self unveiled. Nature, the trees around me, other people, society, my own identity, the fact that I am a person, time and space are all manifestations of The Hole. This life, this reality is just one limitation within the greater Infinity, for The Infinite contains every limitation. What would you do if you were God; an all powerful Singularity that can do anything, be anything? Perhaps you would create a beautiful landscape with nature and trees and animals and set limitations or laws to this little world you’ve created. Perhaps you would create people to amuse you with all sorts of drama and antics. But maybe after a few trillion years you begin to get a little bored and you get the idea ‘maybe it’ll be exciting to forget that I’m God for a while’. This is by far God’s greatest trick; you have actually managed to fool yourself into believing that you’re not God. Amazing. Truly incredible. People are God playing ‘I’m not God’. This is the great cosmic joke. I was deeply impressed, I could do nothing more than applaud. To be completely convince this whole time that I was just this little ego while in fact being God; truly impressive. I want to see that trick again for sure. I realised that everything around me was all my doing, I was creating it. The bench I was sitting on, the trees around me were all my manifestations. The birds flew by; I was doing that. When I looked at people all I could see was me, they are all God. You are me. You are God, you are creating it all and you don’t even know it. We are all God and don’t realise it. A very peculiar shift in approach towards other people occurs when you have this realisation. Seeing that they are all God, it is as if you are role playing with yourself. People are the masks you put on, but underneath the mask you see God; behind the act you feel the underlying connectedness, an underlying love. I made my way over to the viewing area. The view was sublime. I spent some time basking in the magnificence of what the Singularity has architected. I then headed over to the massive cross monument. The plaque read ‘To the glory of God’. I find it amusing; God pretends He is not God and builds monuments to worship Himself. I inspected the view around this part of the mountain, I could see Melbourne in the distance, it was cloudy where I was, though in the distance there was a break in the clouds so sunrays shone down on the city. I thought to myself ‘what a wonderful little gem’. The spiritual quest is a search for yourself; a search for God. Many times I have experienced some degree of ego death since embarking on the spiritual path and over time the death got progressively deeper. Now I know that the ego goes much deeper than I initially expected. The ego is your whole life; the mere fact that you’re a human being. The vast majority of the contents of our lives are distractions from our true selves (including many of the things our egos pretend are spiritual; the ego is remarkably resilient, each time we experience a partial ego death the ego redefines itself, moving up a “spiritual” level, turning your spiritual answers into the new ego). Way back in the furthest recesses of our minds is the sneaking suspicion that there is more to us; this is the catalyst for the spiritual quest. The ego will do anything to distract us from following this intuition. The high ego density of the cities makes distraction inevitable, this is why nature and isolation are important in the spiritual quest; you are further away from the system which is constantly reinforcing your ego, you are cut off from the endless stream of distractions which is keeping you from your true nature. With this revelation, I no longer had any more questions. All of my spiritual questions had been answered. What is there left to do now? Well, perhaps I could continue being human, live out a human existence and partake in the act. Birth and Death do not exist. They are nothing. There is nowhere you could possibly go. The Void likes to manifest itself as a personality in a physical world and thoroughly convince itself that it is this identity and that it needs to survive. This has been going on for an eternity. ‘For the time it take for a bird to wear away a mountain by dropping a scarf on it every 10000 years; that’s how long this has been going on for’. Though, even this analogy is inaccurate, since the Singularity is both timeless and spaceless. Everything and Nothing are all contained within an instant. I must stress that I am trying to speak as literally as I am capable of. There is no metaphor intended in my writing here. Words cannot do justice, for The Absolute is truly ineffable. A day has already pasted since my revelation and already I am well and truly veiled again. My experience of The Godhead is now a fading memory. I am not sure why a relatively small dose of mushrooms caused me to unveil. I have taken mushrooms dozens of times, often at much higher doses, and have never experienced anything like this. The last time I did mushroom I had a much stronger trip than what would be expected for the does. I became hyper-dimensional on what should have been a strong, but grounded in reality, trip, and so did my friends whom I took them with. I intuit that whatever is happening to me with the mushroom is contagious; that if I take the mushrooms with someone else they too will unveil The Godhead. It’s a shame, I really liked mushrooms but now I don’t believe I can ever use them in the same way I used to. Interestingly, the other psychedelics I have used recently (ie. DMT and 2C-B) have not produced an awakening of this sort.

One of the best posts, inspires me a lot. I only don't get why people insist on saying they "know nothing" even though they do know something. For example you know you're not your body. Doesn't that mean it's a lie that you know nothing? The quote is: "I know nothing and even that I am not quite sure about" or something like that, because even knowing that you know nothing is knowing something and therefore a lie in and of itself. Or perhaps you mean that you are aware of nothingness and therefore "know nothing"? Hehe, but again, very nice inspirational read.

In Jed McKenna's works we are encouraged to perform "spiritual autolysis", basically get rid of all of our beliefs until what's left is a Truth. And I certainly think there is something there, namely the being of nothingness. But even in doing that, couldn't there be Truths outside of the Truth that we have direct access to? How do we know that things we (perhaps used to) believe in aren't true? In McKenna's theory of everything, he proposes that the physical universe is a subset of consciousness (his C-Rex vs U-Rex idea). I tend to agree (in a way... at least it seems according to our best theories in physics that the universe is absolutely nothing like our human interpretations or intuition of it, and that the act of observation makes things "real"), however his argument seems to be along the lines of "everything we experience we experience within consciousness, therefore consciousness is all there is". Perhaps that's true from the perspective of a human life, but how can we know that a physical universe doesn't exist outside of our conscious awareness (however radically different it may be from our perceptions of it)? I get that we can't KNOW that there is a physical universe, but if asked "is there a physical universe or is there not", wouldn't it be perfectly reasonable to answer "I'm not sure, but if I had to guess I would guess there is"? How can we KNOW there is not one? Even with an experience of Source, or Cessation, or Absolute Infinity, or Empty Awareness, or death before dying, etc... Even with that experience how can we know there isn't something outside of it and the consciousness experience it gives rise to (namely, a physical universe)? It seems just as reasonable to me to say that in such experiences I'm basically going straight to deep sleep while maintaining awareness. I.e., nothing too out of the ordinary, just a profoundly relaxing experience and practice, but one that could happen in a physical universe where one somehow trains their brain/body to enter deep sleep while remaining aware. I ask, because I can see enormous benefits from completely freeing myself in the belief of a materialistic universe (namely, not feeling threatened whatsoever, not feeling the need to accumulate goods, compete, exploring mysticism, etc.). So far, the most convincing argument I've come up with is "how can there be something rather than nothing"... There can't be! It makes no sense that there would be something. Therefore, there is nothing, and every "something" is an "illusion", i.e. not real, i.e. not physical. Would love to hear other's thoughts on this matter, pun intended.

It is YOU who are experiencing all these sensations. But the thing is that you are just confused about who you are. If not intellectually, then at least emotionally and/or intuitively. Probably both in your case. In my eyes you become enlightened when you you are emotionally aligned with Truth, i.e. you are no longer confused about who you really are emotionally. It is easy to intellectually grasp that you are not a person, a body nor an indvidual seperated self. Anyway, intellectually speaking, it is *you* who are experiencing all these sensations. But *you* is not who you *think*. It's not a thing or a concept. It's God/Nothingness/The Absolute etc etc etc.

Try one method I like doing: Gaze into your closed eyelids and really look. What colours do you see? Do you see any mind projections? No? Good! Look beyond the blackness. What is infront of it? Behind it? To the left? To the right? Become aware of that emptiness, nothingness. Imagine a line of symmetry in the middle. Everything to the left and right - mirror images. The same yet opposite, like your hands, like your eyes. Like nothing and everything. All the while asking the question: Who am I? Who is looking? Whoo is on the other side? See that experientially you cannot seee the subject, but you know it is there. Perhaps it is transparent or perhaps, like the eyes, it cannot turn to look at itself, or perhaps, dare I say it, it's not there! Or another question, dealer's choice! I've had experienced trips while doing this. Btw, make your own techniques, experiment. Why be so confined and limited to one practice. Different things work for different people.

@Leo Gura Could you clarify something? I know you talk about being conscious of infinity. Who are some enlightened people who do that because I don't remember any of the ones I've studied using that term. Nothingness and the metaphors for that seem to be most common. So I'm confused about this whole infinity thing. Is infinity and nothing two ways do describe the same thing, are they two ways reality could be described?

@electroBeam its because they think enlightenment is a withdrawal from illusory form. Which it is, like the first half of it. Then you complete the circle, and you come back to form - shakti. Advaita is the first stage, then you return to form/life/love. Another good metaphor is the divine feminine and masculine. The father that dwells in heavens - nothingness, the divine mother - shakti, kundalini and form. Full enlightenment is merger of masculine and feminine. Ah I just recalled Leo once saying that meditation is like having sex with reality. How accurate, the father nailing the divine mother.

Guess who's not back Reading a lot lately in the bus (have to commute 4 hours per day O_O ). Almost done with reading the book of nothingness, it is so profound. I now get where a lot of the content leo generates come's from. All the topics discussed in the book can be contemplated by yourself and there would be endless content. Genereting some content for myself too I got so many idea's for video's I'm now doing a course for SEO and ranking in youtube so I hope that will give me some actual traction for creating video's that actually get watched. I really don't have a lot of free time, about 4 hours per day where I need to eat, shower and keep my social connections up. I'm quite amazed at the fact that I could still produce this video. Here it is hope you watch it and tell me what I can do better in the comment's thanks!

Ok the confusion stage had gone, just to add... When I say glimpse, it was more of a perspective, an awareness. I realised I am no different to a tree. My mind is what makes me indipendent of the tree. I physically felt/saw the nothingness. Tell me I'm going down the right path? I don't want to fall into a trap

Hi, I just started meditating/self enquiry. the first time i did leos guided video i saw two eyes and then a doorway and my eyes fluttered open before i was like wtf am i a doorway? lol This time i was just sensing the "raw data" as he puts it. But i dont really identify with nothingness. My awareness seems to be visual in nature as it moves around seeking while the other senses just pulse. I've also for a long time had swirling patterns when i close my eyes and focus (or let go). so when everything is stripped away that's usually what i'm left with. i enjoy exploring it and look to it for answers to my questions, Is this considered "monkey mind" stuff that i should be trying to quiet? At the end of the last session "being" was kinda like a spark cloud. just a distraction? or is this valid "self inquiry"? would appreciate your insights. peace

@Nahm Well I found some nice stuff on how it is an allegory for ego death. How it represents light and dark...what comes up must come down (the sun also does a good job representing this)... what is created must be destroyed... I get that there is this on-going cycle. Within our minds, within our (illusionary) lives, within the earth, the universe, the matrix of consciousness. Up and down and round and round. A never ending song, that we are all singing together. Evolution. Destruction. More evolution. but anyway, I still can't decide if love (pure love) is born of egoic desire, or something separate. It either existed before human ego, or not. Perhaps it is the essence of the God ego, and behind that, there is nothing. (In other words, we shred our human ego and dissolve into the God ego, before we finally dissolve into nothingness.) If I'm way off base, someone correct me **Edit I see now I am using the wrong word in title, haha. I mean conscience.

Well I thought I would share my first experience of AL-LAD for those interested. So yesterday I took 150mcg of AL-LAD at 2:15pm. I have previous experience with psychedelics: LSD, mushrooms and from what I had researched I felt confident I could handle 150mcg for first try. So the setting is me alone, solo trip, my roommate is out of town and I have no plans with anyone or anything just how I wanted it. T-0:00 take 150mcg AL-LAD and pop on Leo's video of AL-LAD to refresh myself a bit on what I can expect to expect. His trip report in the video has me excited and feeling confident for what I can hope to expect. I am kind of nervous and anxious so I was just listening to Leo and pacing around my apartment for the next hour. T+0:45 I was beginning to doubt anything real profound at all was going to happen. I kept asking myself and looking for signs of any effects and I felt nothing. T+1:30 I am starting to notice darker shading of things and colors are starting to look more vivid along with slight trailing whenever I move or wave my hand in front of my face. The effects are very subtle and mild at this point and I couldn't help but wonder if I was going to be disappointed. I started to think that this was as hard as I was going to trip. I sat down and really just let reality hit me in the present moment. Just being real with myself and how I felt. I started to think that this is just how reality is and all this psychedelic bullshit, Leo's bullshit, meditation, positive thinking is all just bullshit on top of the same old boring existence I already know so well. But then to my delight as I kept looking for more signs of the effects they began to grow steadily stronger and more enjoyable as they did. I didn't really have much of a plan for what I wanted to do during this time so I just sat in front of my computer listening to music and inquiring within myself with whatever came to mind. T+2:30 The effects are extremely noticeable at this point and probably the strongest they were throughout the whole trip. I am just sort of going with the flow. I feel great! Everything looks absolutely incredible. It looks as though I can see electricity infused within everything I look at. Subtle patterns, similar to when you close your eyes, are cascading across objects occasionally in the most subtle but beautiful way. I feel amazing. I had energy so I was standing in front of my window looking out and just reacting to how my body was feeling. I closed my eyes and started to just allow my body to do whatever it wanted to do. I found myself being drawn toward one side in a kind of playful way, something just felt good. I started to turn my body slowly in circles to pursue this feeling. Eventually I opened my eyes and realized I was spinning pretty fast and just threw myself onto my bed to stop it. I just had a minute or two of traditional dizzy feeling that was pretty intense but I just totally embraced it and it felt awesome. I laid on my bed in deep thought of how it didn't even feel like I was spinning until I had opened my eyes and realized that I was spinning. I was looking at my ceiling and it had just come alive now. Beautiful geometric colors and patterns rippling across ever so elegantly. Very electric looking again. The colors sort of have the "burn" effect to them. I just laid there and stared at my ceiling enjoying the show. T+3:30 The energetic happy playfulness and trip visual intensity has leveled out by this point. I put on a meditation by Rupert Spira titled The Borderless Field of Pure Sensitivity (from the Light of Pure Knowing meditations). Spira then led me through an experience unlike any I have ever had. I clearly saw how my body is just a conceptual projection. It almost felt as if I was if i was a nothingness being learning how to human from Spira. Unfortunately my attention span was very short and I could only do one of his meditations. I then began to notice that I was trembling occasionally. It wasn't like a whole body shake as if something was really wrong with me physically, but more of a fear tension that I was holding in my throat area. I clenched my teeth together slightly and notice by jaw is trembling. I spent a long time trying to identify what this was and trying to accept it, fix it, allow it, ignore it. I have come to think it is some type of repressed sadness within myself that keeps showing itself during my trips. I even allowed myself to become very sad and cry if needed but I don't think that was the issue. I have had this issue with myself feeling shaky and I would really like to solve it. T+5:00 I felt like I had done most of my heavy lifting that I wanted to do for the trip so I decided to try out my VR headset. I allowed myself to become totally immersed in it as though it were actual reality. I spent some time with this thing on my head and then out of no where the screen went totally black. I sat with the VR on my head in total blackness and watched myself as I began to grasp at something because I had become totally disoriented. I had a pretty deep insight as to how nothingness needs this reality to orient and ground itself somehow. These were just a few moments I am recalling throughout my trip. Obviously there was much much more to it than just these moments I am sharing. Summary: - I had a moment where I looked closer at nothingness and it really scared me. Like I always had this picture of this stuff being all sunshine and rainbows but when you look at nothingness its fucking scary, but yet I am strangely fascinated by it. - I can see how nothingness needs reality to orient itself. - I don't think this path is going to be all sunshine and rainbows like I had imagined. - This reality will be here no matter how you look at it. All in all, it was a great trip! I would highly recommend AL-LAD as a first time psychedelic for sure. The head space is very clear minded and controllable. You can let go and go deep and play with it or you can focus on traditional reality if needed. I can't wait to explore further with this substance and hopefully gain further insights into the true nature of reality and consciousness.

Living organism is afraid to die. All what living organism does is surviving. Whatever we do is aimed to live now or live more in future, and all our motivations come from this. We work to live. We create art coz we will feel more alive if we do. Whole society is structured in the way to make life better or at least people THINK their structure, system will make life better, but still it stems from desire for life. And society advances coz people want to live better. We treat deceases to live more. We fall in love to live because need for love is a need to feel alive = desire to live. We do science and try to learn new because we think knowledge will make life better = we will feel more alive, OR we learn because learning is interesting, and feeling interested = feeling alive = desire to live. We do religion to have better life, or to have better afterlife which also comes from biological desire to live. We do personal development to have better life = to feel more alive. We even self-destruct to feel more alive! We drink alcohol to feel alive, to feel good. We harm ourselves, we blame ourselves or beat ourselves up because we want to fix something in order to improve life and feel more alive eventually. We even commit suicide coz it is one way of dealing with problems and dealing with problems = improving life = desire to live, so we kill ourselves because we want to live! Very paradoxical. So our whole life is simply a run to win some more time in this world, getting some more life for yourself or for whoever you identify with, for your family, kids, friends, countrymen, homo sapience species, any living organism, planet Earth (that's why we care about climate change). We pursue enlightenment to know the truth, to be happy, and why we naturally want this truth or this happiness? Because we will feel more alive. Truth is nice, right? Truth will ultimately make you very bad? No, Truth will make it very good for you. Desire for absolute truth is desire for life, for more life, for having this very moment constantly. Life is all about life, and desire for truth is all about life, all non-living things don't care about life, and all living only care about life. Our cells are charged with energy, plus and minus, and it is scientific fact. Positive and negative energy, ying and yang, life and death. Cells have negative energy so they can die out to create new cells, but this have its limits for human. But not for all animals, there are some animals who never age like Greenlandic whale, naked mole-rat and some others. They can die though in this wild world but not from ageing. So doesn't all that mean that the point of life is to live forever and living organism is not necessarily designed to die eventually, and what Jesus and Buddha tried to make is a manual of eternal life for a living organism, all nirvana and heaven notions??? Was it not the manual of creating heaven on Earth, right here, right now with your own mind and body? And heaven is where your are young, happy and live forever. What if they saw that heaven is possible on Earth? What if they implied not only achieving understanding and experiencing of infinity, eternity but actually living forever as a human-being in your own body. They gave us some diet advices, some good habit advices, good behaviour advices etc which all aimed on making us to get into heaven state. Of course their knowledge was limited comparing to what we have now. The truth and enlightenment are not enough, I guess for this matter you have to have your whole life to live in certain way, like super-healthy, not living in bad ecology, only drinking some very high quality water etc. I understand that life and non-life dichotomy or borderline only exist as illusion within absolute. But can we make a thought experiment? What if absolute infinity is sort of a life within nothingness which is sort of a non-life. Absolute infinity wants to live forever, while nothingness doesn't care. Interesting fact, meditation slows down ageing, I guess enlightenment even more. But what if there is more to enlightenment, deeper and deeper enlightenments? Longer and longer, until you constantly experiencing bliss and happiness, and peace? And what if there is a stance that will make your body to stop age and die, and make your cells to reproduce without limits? Of course, given that your lifestyle and environment is healthy in all terms. I mean, if some animals like naked mole-rat have gone trough evolution and now don't have genes that is responsible for ageing, thus staying eternally young, why can't human do this without waiting for evolution? So, can we say that human-being only desires to live forever, i.e. to live in this moment infinitely, and actually able to live forever? Coz 'human being was created in the image and likeness of God', and God is infinite. I want you to realise that your rationalisation of acceptance of eventual death doesn't matter coz your instincts will always make you to try to survive even when you are on your deathbed. You can even feel that you accepted death and feel that you had a nice life, but on your deathbed - your body will try to do anything to live one more moment and one more moment and so on for infinity. Just like the universe. Sorry for my english, i hope its all clear

@SelfPeaceIf i understood correctly, "creativity" is another mechanism of the ego to aid survival? So it's essentially an "instinct" that is part of the animal brain like every other thing the ego does? This would suggest that creativity is part our lower consciousness or as Leo would called it "chimpery"? @Key ElementsYes it is clear that we have no control over our thoughts. I'm now quite confused, do creative ideas really come from "nothingness"? It definitely feels that way to me and others here at least. But now upon further thought, last night I had this dream that I was on a vacation to this city, it was quite surreal and I never saw it before; it was mesmerizing. But it was still a "city", something that we all know. I also realized that I (at least myself) could not come up with something that is truly "original". Everything that I make was based from something which makes me question, is creativity simply a manifestation from the accumulation of our perceptions that originates from the ego and our subconscious? I don't think thoughts actually come from nothingness since they are the creations of the "mind" just like imaginations and fantasies. Creativity for me at least is evidently accumulated just like our "self".

@Waifu Yandere Imagination is a tool, like art, for example. If you could find a way to incorporate it in your life purpose, career, work, etc., because it comes automatic and natural, that would be great - no stress/less stress and freedom. Did you notice our thoughts are automatic - coming from "nothingness." This could be used to our advantage. The answers are there. I think that's why they call it, "answered prayers."

Watch from 12:20

Perhaps the Truth isn't obvious, because there is no Truth? And just like nothingness, not seeing it IS seeing it.

@Thomas Razzeto That Picture reminded me of the Picture true, true, Truth. Yea, probably not but intuition is in my opinion closer to oneness than logic nevertheless. Intuition is a communication mechanism from the higher self (that is abiding in oneness). However it's possible that it also points to awareness, the Picture points to the sun. Light is revelating and awareness is also revelating. So light=awareness and we are childs of light? Hmmm. Yes I agree. But I would like to add a point to that. From my point of view and experience essences can vary. Every essence is oneness but we are not all the essences. We embody essences separatelly. This in my opinion are examples of different essences: I have just cropped a column from a Picture on this post. BTW: watch the movie Jupiter Ascending. If you read between the lines it's obvious what the subliminal message was in that movie, we are souls experiencing a temporary body-mind. A few new downloads: We are children of light. Light is revelating. Awareness is revelating. Nothingness -> Awareness -> Consciousness -> Matter ->Universal mind ->Personal mind We are self-aware field of consciousness.

Totally. To be perfectly honest I came at it from a similar angle. I wasn't someone who meditated, I didn't have a specific religon, although I favoured Jah as the label I placed on That as reggae music was my thing. Don't sell yourself short on looking within and time, it's a natural occurence. If you have a realisation follow it and use it, implement it in what you are doing. Cracks will appear and it will start to open up. That is already knocking at your door, that is why you question and you are here. Logically speaking, Truth makes perfect sense once realised, being that nothing makes sense and is real. Think about it, nothing makes sense, no thing makes sense, nothingness makes no sense. It is completely logical, and so simple that you do not see how logical it is as you are looking for meaning where there is not. I mean seriously, how can any of this make sense, life feels empty because it is. None of it makes sense at all. Life simply is, pure and simple. That is the heart of every religon, although of course the egoic aspect of consciousness distorts and manipulates so that we miss the simple essence at the core of it all. Religon in it's purest form is simply to know God, the rest is just projections of nonsense. That is the how people of every religon can wake up, whether you care to accept that or not. Don't you see That wants you to know who you really are, that is why religon exists. Consider this, imagine if all religon was clothed in the same garment, how boring would that be, if we all walked around as the same. I personally couldn't think of anything more depressing. That is why I celebrate the diversity of what is, and what appears to be beyond an infinite number of possibilities as to how that manifests. It is freaking magic beyond belief, all from the One Source. What if it is all deception? To be honest I have considered the potential that this is just a mind loop within consciousness, which is a thought that makes sense sure, but you know what, discovery of That, and living and acting with awareness of That as your centre in every breath is such a simple and beautiful way to live. In its purest form a natural expression of love, compassion, humility, peace. It saddens the heart to see how easy that is to reach, while it appears as so far away. Like I said I am not there today but I can here the undeniable call of silence at my door, and I am opening up. I don't need you to follow me or believe me, all I am saying is to find the answer within yourself. I don't have an answer for you, how could I when there is no answer? And whether you believe me or not to be perfectly honest is just noise. No matter how you cut it up, you can not deny that this moment right now is happening, it just is. Nothing makes more sense than that. Hope this makes sense and is helpful in some way