iTommy

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About iTommy

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  1. @Nahm I agree, psychedelics do wonders. Personally I prefer LSD over shrooms for now for self-observation/meditation.
  2. Hello folks! So I've been pondering on a few things regarding enlightenment. During my meditation session yesterday where I usually contemplate a bit at the same time, some things kinda made a bit of sense to what "I" am, atleast to the mind. So you're apparently like a flashlight trying to become aware of itself. You try to find something that seems hidden but it's not. It just goes unnoticed, so you usually look and stumble around a bit inside and outside of your body in hopes to get a glimpse of what you are since you're not body & mind. It's always in your current experience. My mind then suggested and I know that mind shouldn't get this, atleast not on a deep level... that the awareness present which you use to feel the skin on your ears, notice your breath, notice sensations in your mouth etc. that this awareness might be you. You're also in a way aware of the awareness itself especcially when you shine the light of awareness onto different areas of the body. You can notice being aware of something. Yet this is very often overlooked since we tend to "look" outside of awareness iftself using the awareness. Basically we try to find ourselves somewhere else using the awareness that is present, but the awareness itself is what we already are (I find it a bit difficult to explain this). Obviously this didn't trigger a huge "aha moment" or anything, since as I understand that mind can't get this and I am generally unsure if it is another trap of mind. Yet this is a suggestion which my mind finds very plausible. Could it actually be it, yet the mind can't figure out exactly what it is and still has tons of ego-smog attached to it, so it prevents "me" to become fully aware of the present awareness, realizing that this was it all along?
  3. I am crying as I write this... Everything is in your mind. But even your mind, is in your mind. This will be hard for people to grasp but... think about how fucking significant this is. EVERYTHING is in your mind, even the perception that you have a mind is in your mind. I usually contemplate during meditation. "What are my?" "What is reality?" and since I took psychedelics it amplified the process. I sat there for quite some time going deep when I suddenly realized... well holy fucking shit. Turns out that "I" am it. Everything. Absolutely everything. I am not a thing that is seperate from reality. I am reality itself. Once I realized this over three hours ago, I just bursted out crying and laughing all at once and I still am. I really wish that I could communicate it to you so you "get it", but sadly I can't. Again. Your perception of a self is in your mind. This perception of the perception is then again in your mind too. Even your mind is in your mind. What "you" are is reality itself!
  4. @LaucherJunge Hmm. The idea is that the ego is created by the mind/brain. So ultimately when you die the body and brain will not be there anymore, and one would think that the illusion of ego has an end there. Now some would say that the "mind"/consciousness is seperate from the brain, meaning that also if there is an afterlife that nothing really would be lost. Atleast whatever it is that might be contacting the "living" through ghost boxes etc. seems very much just like you and me yet apparently they can see/hear us etc. but well... we not so much. So that makes me wonder if there is an individual "self" some might call it energy/soul, something to call "me", or if there isn't. We could assume that the afterlife would not be so much different than what we experience now, yet then how do we truly know what "we" are if we continue to experience life from a different angle with the same personality/ego. It would be easier for me to grasp if there was no egoic afterlife, rather that our consiousness went to its "primary" source once the body crashed and maybe that there then was a new expierience in a different body, and a new ego that would be created. Really tricky topic...
  5. Hey guys. I've made a similar topic in the past, yet this is one which I find difficult to wrap my mind around. It's 2017 now, and also the paranormal field has made progess. Nowadays we have so called "ghost boxes" which is basically/usually a device which changes radio channels quickly, and the idea behind this is that the spirits can manipulate the audio and that you thereby receive answers. Below is a demonstration what this method can do. Now, the majority will probably say. "But Tommy, this is a youtube video which can easily be faked, don't fall for this bullshit". Hold on, don't fall into the trap of dismissing it because it doesn't fit into your model of reality. I found it interesting and tried it out for myself. Well... you'd be surprised by the result, this stuff is real, very real. Once you get replies as a skeptic you kinda try to come up with things to debunk it such as it being Pareidolia, that the App and/or ghost box is rigged. Yet after you use it for some time, it becomes clear that none of these "rational" explanations apply to it. Before I write more about it why it's valid I'd suggest checking out "Huff Paranormal" on youtube, and/or try it out yourself. I know at this point most of you still aren't convinced, but I am still going to post my question about it, just imagine a "what if" scenario. The ghosts/spirits/consciousness whatever one chooses to call it seem to still have a personality which at times seems very ego driven. The idea of spiritual enlightenment is that there is no self, no "you". So for me that seems to be conflicting. On one hand there apparently is no "you". You are not the brain/body/personality etc. yet on the other some sort of consciousness with a personality seemingly of its own is able to communicate. This has been on my mind for a long time. How do/can both ideas fit together? This is somewhat holding me back from realizing that there is no "me". My mind would then think that "I" might be consciousness, yet after death your body/brain shuts off, and the brain is known to create illusions all the time including an ego. Yet then those "things" that you might get answers from clearly seem still stuck in some sort of egoic loop. I am not sure what to think...
  6. @Shin I will definetly give it a go!
  7. @Prabhaker Thanks for your posts, good read
  8. I´ll try that! Thanks.
  9. Hello guys. I´ve been feeling depressed and anxious for most of my life. I´ve been working hard, trying to see the positive in things, trying to change my thoughts in a way so that I am not in "victim-mode", and also look at thoughts as just clouds passing by. Yet, it just seems like an endless cycle of misery. It´s like, whatever I do, nothing makes me happy. I lead what others and I would call a “comfortable life”. I have no job, mainly because of the mental rut. Yet I practice meditation, have enough money to survive, practice guitar every day and so on. I am trying to be grateful for the things I have, the things I experience, yet it all seems fake to me. The only time when I honestly appreciate life a tiny bit, is when I am under the influence of psychedelics. Also, I am almost never excited for anything, things that a "normal" person would be looking forward to, I normally dread. I really envy people, who find joy in being alive. I am 21 years young and feel unable to function in society. I am tired of life, tired of feeling depressed and anxious. “Life” right now is like looking through a clouded window, watching the world pass by. I get it that everything is temporary, yet I don´t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel for miles. Anyone else who feels that way?
  10. Hey guys! So i´ve gotten hold of "5-MeO-DMT". But now I am not so sure if it was. It would be great if someone could help me out here. I got really excited once I had it in my hands, I mean... INFINITY! My expectations were high. I did a pretty heavy dose the second time I tried it. I had HCL salt, so I sniffed it. It didn´t burn as much as I thought it would. Shortly after, I felt somewhat spaced out, a little dizzy and a bit ill. The ill part went away a few minutes later, but that was pretty much it. I´ve done it 3+ times after that. There was no Aha-moment or anything close to it. So, it didn´t do it for me. I am now not sure if it was 5-MeO, even though everything hintet towards 5-MeO. I am taking SSRRI medication, so I am not sure if this plays a role in it(LSD/N,N-DMT worked fine). Can someone here with experience enlighten me? - Tommy
  11. @John Flores I´m not religious, and believing in god/creator, angels and demons is somewhat hard for me to do, but I like your approach to this topic. Steve Huff (Huff Paranormal), tends to ask the spirits if there is a god, and mostly the answer is no. Yet some "spirits" say that demons and angels exist, other times they deny it. Some even mistake him for being a demon, that wants to harm them. They sometimes ask for help, maybe to "cross over"? So as you stated, personality definitely exists in some form. People have apparently captured their "body" using the motion sensor from xbox. Hell I would love to step up my game using a more expensive version of a ghost box, without radio chatter, but that ain´t happening soon. I think this is pretty exciting, since those spirit boxes tend to get better and better, so maybe one day, we can really explore the afterlife. I mean it is possible to do so now, but depending on what you use it´s sometimes hard to make out words. Makes me want to go to friends graves when they´ve passed, and start a chat.
  12. @Arman I didn´t have many issues with it, but the next day was tough. I could barely walk because of the vasoconstriction. The seller also specified the ug - dosage number. One blotter = 1350. I would consider it to be valid, since NBOMes tend to start pretty high, often at 1000ug. It might be possible to get blotters with LSD at 1000ug, but the chances of finding real LSD with that high of a number would be pretty slim, since most people buy 100-200ug blotters.
  13. Hello dear actualized community. Since some of you are into psychedelics… I would like to share a short summary of a trip I experienced. I should have written this report shortly after my trip, yet I didn´t. So I can´t explain things in much detail, but I will put down what I vividly remember. I´ve done a few psychedelics, such as Mushrooms, LSD, NBOMe, N,N-DMT & 5-MeO-DMT. This time, I´m going to share a bit of a heavy NBOMe trip. I have to say it was never my intention to try NBOMe. It was sold as LSD, and I didn´t test it beforehand. People have died from this substance, so I won´t “recommend” it. But I had an insane trip. On LSD, the standard dose is around 150-200ug, on this dose your senses would be more enhanced and you would experience touch, hearing, colors and lights more intense, see patterns and so on. I was not experienced with LSD and NBOMe, so I had zero tolerance to it. So, me being me, I decided to take 1350ug. I wanted not just to test the waters with my toes, but to completely swim. I realized that it couldn´t be LSD because nothing happened in the first two hours of taking it. After hour 5 had passed, I thought that whatever I took wasn´t working and I was pretty disappointed. So I decided that I´d take one more tab with 1350ug(2700ug in total). Still, nothing really happened, but oh man, shortly after hour 6, let it be in a period of ten minutes, everything changed. My senses were insanely sharpened. I could see much better, it was as if I could see every tiny detail on my body, my hand had never looked so alive. My hand seemed to be “breathing”. I watched a few videos on YouTube displaying nature, and I was overwhelmed by the beauty. Everything felt so alive. Also listening to Alan Watts was an incredible experience. I literally shed a few tears because of this. I sat down on the floor, next to blue light. The dust on it looked like a galaxy, with tons of asteroids. My face in the mirror was a bit scary, because my pupils suddenly widened. Eating and drinking was also on a whole new level. I could accurately trace every last drop I drank going down into my stomach. The taste was more intense, but not in a negative way. Listening to music was insanely dope, it was as if I could pinpoint every single note. Songs which I’ve played a dozen times sounded much more whole, it was like hearing it for the first time, but 50x better. Even playing only three chords on the guitar, sounded so amazing to me. When it hit hour 7, something more spectacular happened to me. I was overall so much more aware. I didn´t feel real anymore, it felt like I was character in a game. I completely lost my sense of “self”. Also called Ego-Death. I felt much more connected to the world around me, and I could closely watch my thought stream. I was in a state of awe, and I recognized that all my anxiety, fears and worries are just bullsh*t. Everything was alright. I was much more “in the moment”. I spent a whole lot of the trip just looking at things as if it was the first time, and listening to spiritual lectures. To me, I kinda felt like a little kid again, experiencing things for the first time. I´ll end my trip report here. Anyway, psychedelics can be pretty awesome. Firstly don´t be me. I wouldn´t recommend taking as much as I did, and NBOMe in general. Be careful if you choose to do psychedelics, test your stuff, low dosage at first, be in a good mood, have a trip sitter if needed, be in a comfortable environment, and prepare yourself before the trip. Depending on what you have and how much you take, they tend to reveal a whole bunch of what is going on inside you, and will most likely give you a new perspective on life.
  14. @Dragallur You might be right, I will keep the options open. Even if it was ghosts, I have no idea how to factually prove that. Nevertheless, I find it pretty fascinating. The thought of "living" after death is somewhat comforming and at the same time scary to me. But I guess the only way to find out, is when the body dies. "Death is an illusion"