iTommy

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About iTommy

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  1. Hey guys! I'd like to shop for some supplements soon, and I'd like your advice on this topic. Currently, I have those on my list... *= Important/Must have (If some aren't that important or the opposite, then please tell me. I'd like to have a list for all the ones needed, and those that are not that important.) *Vitamin C - (1000mg 1x daily) *Omega 3 - (1000mg 1x daily) *Vitamin D3 - (5000IU 1x daily) Green Tea Extract - (725mg once every other day) *Magnesium (200mg 2x daily) Multivitamins (Any recommendations here & dosage?) *Probiotics (10 billion CFUs 1x daily) *Vitamin B12 (1000ug 1x daily) What do you think of this? Anything that you recommend me to change here? Should I add something and/or take away a supplement etc.? I don't have much knowledge about this stuff myself, so it would be great if people could give me some advice. Also, yes I watched Leo's video on this topic.
  2. Hey guys. I wanted to share a somewhat crazy real-feeling „dream” (?) that happened to me a month or two ago. Now I don’t really remember the exact times, those are just pointers. This "report" was inspired by Leo's new video. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Before I go to bed (in my case sofa) I make sure to take antidepressants, those usually make me feel somewhat tired – without them I could just stay up all night long, and I meditate to further calm the mind. I did those things that day too. So, it all started by me trying to get some sleep at probably around 00:15. The mind seemed to be quiet to a certain degree, but I felt only a bit sleepy but not really as much as I usually do. I waited to feel more tired, but it just wouldn’t really hit me. I thought that I would just try to get some sleep anyway and laid down on the sofa. Time went by, nothing changed. I then turned on some music that usually does a good job helping me relax/sleep and I gave it another try. Time went by again, nothing really changed. I then thought that a guided sleeping meditation might do some good, so I tried that. Again… nothing really changed. I turned on a different sleeping meditation, you guessed it. Then I tried another one but… nope. It was probably around 06:00 by then, and I still had not gained a few minutes of sleep. I was frustrated at that point. I just switched back to regular relaxing music, and I started focusing on my breath, bodily sensations etc., with half open eyes, while lying there on the couch. This is where it gets crazy. A few minutes flew by, and suddenly I heard two voices. A male and a female voice. Both sounded like adults, maybe around 30-45-ish. They were first talking amongst themselves, but then the male voice talked to me saying things like, “Relax. Everything is fine, get some sleep.” Music was still playing in the background and my eyes were still half open, so confusion and curiosity kicked in. In my mind I went, “Wha… this is crazy, I can hear you guys. Can you actually hear me if I just use thought?” – on this the answer was, “Yes we can hear you." So I asked them questions like… “How is it where you are?” – the answer was, “When it’s night for you, it’s day for us.” The female voice by then also kept talking to me. I asked, “If you think of a place like… California, can you somehow teleport/travel to this destination?” – “Yeah, we can.” This went back and forth for a while. I started to get more relaxed, and those voices told me again things like… “It’s fine. There’s nothing to worry about, get some sleep.” Now, this is where it gets more “crazy”. While they were talking to me, and I to them, it felt as if I got a shoulder massage (a good one too). I just laid there with my eyes opening half-way now and then, and it literally was/felt as if someone was behind me, giving me a massage. Maybe 15 minutes in, I fell asleep. When I woke up I was just in awe. I mean… holy sh*t, everything felt so damn real. That’s really a point where one begins to question what is “real” in the first place. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ This is something I won’t forget in a long time. It's crazy how your paradigm of reality can just "melt"/overlap with things that you didn't really think were possible.
  3. I currently feel alright. The day after the trip was meh, it seemed that I wasn't able to stay mindful at all during the day. The mind just did its own thing, yet now it seems that I am able to be as mindful again as I was before.
  4. Haha, this pretty much sums it up. Thanks for sharing
  5. Yea, I am guessing it's fighting for its survival.
  6. Hell, your input is always appreciated I have to say that I don't really have a strong foundation. I don't really eat that healthy - still need to look into that topic. I don't smoke, I seldom drink. I meditate daily and do also self-inquiry daily (still have to make it seperate from meditation). But my main struggle would be depression/mental illness, at times it's crippling. I think if that was different, then the trip might have turned out better. I am guessing that the weak ego is trying its best to keep "me" from getting better/seeing through the illusion, and it does that using suicide/gore/death as its main weapon since I don't really mind dying (that much). It surely would be a big + if I had a better foundation.
  7. I need to definitely detach more. I find it usually very easy to surrender (I mainly do high doses, since I again find it usually easy to let go and I tend to get more insights from them) , yet on this part where the mind started to brawl just surrendering didn't seem to do much, since there was a constant flow of negative input that I became aware of. It was tough to not try to control any of it, since thought wasn't the only thing that was there. But yea, six tabs on this one. Didn't you trip recently on LSD? Just be prepared that your body might have a higher tolerance now/next week. Well.... shouldn't be that much of a deal I think, 3 weeks to 1 months between trips is "ideal" when it comes to tolerance.
  8. Hey guys, honestly I am not really sure how to structure this properly since things seem scattered, but I’ll give it my best. I mainly use psychedelics for self-“discovery”/self-inquiry and meditation. So yesterday, I felt that it would be a good day to start this journey. What maybe really sparked me to take LSD, was the fact that I felt more aware than on other days, so I hoped that I would go extra deep this day. My mood was good. I was alone sitting in my room. I had food, things to drink, relaxing music, my guitar and other stuff at hand so it would generally be a good experience. I took LSD around 13:00, four tabs at first. I sat there being mindful (I am trying to be mindful 24/7 – started only recently), listening to music, Alan Watts etc. Time passes, probably 01:30h but nothing really noticeable changes perception wise. Sure I was overall a bit more aware, but I expected more. So, I took two more tabs and waited for the effects to come up. Still, not really what I expected, but I decided to accept it for what it is and just started meditating. Meditation was alright – not much of a change but I decided to meditate for a bit over an hour, which was quite the enduring of pain. I usually meditate 30-40 minutes, if I do longer sits my leg will start to scream in pain. But this time, I was determined to accept the pain, notice it and continue. The pain got more and more noticeable, so in the end of the 1h+ I stood up and sat on the couch to meditate with music, and whilst having a more comfortable position for the legs. I think I sat there for 50 minutes while trying to be aware and just noticing stuff. Then I opened my eyes, and started to self-inquire more deeply (I tend to do it a bit during meditation too using mainly awareness.) I think that I’ve had some insights, and man I’ve gotten to a state where I felt connected to everything. I wondered at first… “Ok, so you’re not this because this changes. “You’re not that because that also changes.” etc. and then it kinda hit me, “What are you not?” – this I find difficult to phrase correctly, since it can be interpreted wrong. With, “What aren’t you?” I mean… what the hell are you not in current experience? x) Everything is you, so what aren’t you? How can anything be “not you”? So once I somehow had this train of thought feelings of being everything, or at least feeling that everything is connected came up. I noticed that feelings and thought aren’t me, at least not the core me that I am trying to become conscious of. I think the illusory ego tried to trick me here, in thinking that I’ve figured it out. It was so damn sneaky, that at times it seemed that I had to consciously think in order to have thought. So… that’s where things slowly went out of hand. I noticed that “the voice” or monkey mind started to become more aggressive. It was saying things like “Dude you saw through the illusion. Man, now I can say that I pierced through the truth. Now things will be much easier. Man, you don’t really feel that happy but maybe you’re enlightened now after all since the “real” you is not an emotion." I was mindful here. I saw that yes it was quite the experience, but monkey mind still did its thing and there was no real peace/full acceptance at all anyhow, so I still had a way to go towards enlightenment. It was probably around 22:00 (+-) and by this time I felt rather anxious and depressed, and monkey mind got louder and quite hostile. It turned from, “Well shit, I feel like I am everything, that’s so beautiful.” to, “You’re a fucking idiot, thinking you can get rid of me!? Why don’t you just give up already and fucking off yourself you worthless cowardly cu**? Thinking you can avoid and control me huh?” It talked non-stop even when I tried to distract myself playing the guitar, watching videos etc. I finally decided to do my final meditation of the day, and oh man… I sat down, the voice was still rambling but I just started to focus on my breathing and it slowly got a bit quieter. Well… what do when the voice tactic doesn’t work as good anymore? Yeah, let’s do closed-eye visuals. Here it went absolutely insane. I saw the most gruesome shit you can imagine, constant images. It involved gore, tons of gore. People getting their throat slit, maggots coming out from open wounds, people getting tortured, me cutting my wrist with a knife, people getting raped and gored afterwards, “evil/demonic” faces in jump scare-style, people burning – eaten alive – self mutilation – getting their guts ripped out and so on… I sat through it, but I think it’s safe to say that it was quite… not so that what I hoped for. This just goes to show how rotten and fucked up my mind is. I would say it went from a relatively good experience to, “well let me tell & show you a few things m8”. Even though it has been months since I tripped before that and the one before this was great, I think I might be better off staying away from psychedelics, at least for a while.
  9. You say life is a dream where we can't say what we mean Maybe just some roadside scene that we're driving past There's no telling where we'll be in a day or in a week And there's no promises of peace or of happiness Well is this why you cling to every little thing And pulverize and derange all your senses Maybe life is a song but you're scared to sing along Until the very ending Oh, it's time to let go of everything we used to know Ideas that strengthen who we've been It's time to cut ties that won't ever free our minds From the chains and shackles that they're in Oh, tell me what good is saying that you're free In a dark and storming sea You're chained to your history, you're surely sinking fast You say that you know that the good Lord's in control He's gonna bless and keep your tired and oh so restless soul But at the end of the day when every price has been paid You're gonna rise and sit beside him on some old seat of gold Then won't you tell me why you live like you're afraid to die You'll die like you're afraid to go Oh, it's time to let go of everything we used to know Ideas that strengthen who we've been It's time to cut ties that won't ever free our minds From chains and shackles that they're in From the chains and shackles that they're in Well life is a dream 'cause we're all walking in our sleep You could see us stand in lines like we're dead upon our feet And we build our house of cards and then we wait for it to fall Always forget how strange it is just to be alive at all Category - Enlightenment, Consciousness & Meditation Hmm... what is there to say about it. "Well life is a dream 'cause we're all walking in our sleep You could see us stand in lines like we're dead upon our feet And we build our house of cards and then we wait for it to fall Always forget how strange it is just to be alive at all"
  10. Thanks man, I hope you find your way
  11. If it only worked for me... I think not everyone gets something "enlightening" from it, and yes the dosage used was enough - even more than enough (overkill). Just like not everyone responds to weed in the same way. I might try it again in the future, maybe in a few years and see if anything changes.
  12. @AleksM Ah I see... so basically just "looking" for yourself using only awareness? I've been doing that now and then, just trying to soften the focus of attention and just being aware, well and then looking for whatever I could be. The only concern I have here is that it will be very similar to mindfulness meditation practise and less self-inquiry - I am not sure if that's a bad thing though. The attention always catches objects, so when I am trying to soften the attention, the mind will automatically find something where it can rest its focus on, like the breath. I tend to experiment with different approaches, at times I just let the mind wander wherever it wants, while trying to be aware of whatever the focus catches, and other times I am defocusing the attention - meaning that I am trying to not let the mind rest on objects. Not sure if it's the right way to go about it, because the focus is always on objects within reality and it seems impossible for the mind to not catch objects. What exactly would you recommend me doing during self-inquiry? Should I just sit there searching for the real "I" using awareness only - even though that will trigger thoughts, but then again paying no attention to them at all?
  13. Now... it's always great to come to insights on your own, but I will just link Leo's video on "free will" here because it will give you broader view on your eh... issue. It might be easier to move forward once you look deeper with some guidance. Also you say that you're the observer, be careful here. Notice that it is primarily a feeling that makes you think that you're an observer, and also thought that suggests it being so. Might you be an observer, or maybe "some"(no)-thing that is beyond being an observer and perceptions? This one is tricky...
  14. True, self-inquiry is best done after meditation. I plan to make it a habit in the future to seperate both into their own sessions.
  15. I have to try this in the future. The mind already goes "Oh shit..." when thinking about it x)