Swagala

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About Swagala

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  1. @Petals It's like the feeling of your head or brain starts to slowly spin diagonally, in my case I usually feel it tilt to the left. It also feels like your head is peeling off from your body, if you can imagine that lol. Of course, we may be experiencing and talking about completely different things. Sorry, if I'm interpreting it wrong.
  2. Hello. Recently, I decided to smoke my last stash of marijuana. I wasn't expecting much insight from it or anything but at the same time, I still wanted to learn some thing from it. The high was the same as my last ones, my thoughts and ideas started to feel real/true. As if one hears a 'fact' from a credible scientist and takes it at face value. A lot of the thoughts I had were explanations to things in the world, and at that state, I believed in everything I was thinking as true. Later on, I started seeing how not much different it was when I was believing everything I was thinking while high to when I hear spiritual concepts and explanations and then start believing them while sober. Not just spiritual ideas but even scientific ones, all ideas and beliefs- they all seemed just as deluded. I even started to doubt everything that I've heard Leo talk about. If I was able to delude myself with everything I was thinking at this state, Leo could possibly be deluding himself, no matter what level of awareness he's at. The idea of higher awareness means better truth, could possibly be just another trap for one to be deluded even further. I can't even say that I still slightly believe in many of what Leo talks about because of this experience. If I do choose to believe in what Leo says, it feels like I'm intentionally deluding myself. What I can say is that during my first few highs/trips on marijuana, I was having deeper understanding to what Leo has always been talking about. But after witnessing how deep delusion can go, I believe I may have just been deluding myself deeper into Leo's teachings. Giving myself explanation after explanation to make them all seem true. I don't know what I'm expecting from this, honestly. Am I just willingly looking for more delusions from other people to stay sane? Because at this point, it feels like I'm stuck again with my spiritual journey. And as always, I know it won't last forever but I fear that the only way I could get out of this is from willingly going along with all the spiritual talk that seem like delusional to me as of this moment. Another thing I would like to share is that I was wondering if God was actually good when I was tripping. I always believed that God was good because there ARE good things in the world and why else would all this be happening (reality) unless God is good. But then I started thinking about how there are also bad things in the world. What if this whole existence is pure suffering and all the good and spiritual things I've experienced were glimpses of hope God likes to bait us with and then take away just to see us suffer. Maybe it's just a huge ego backlash doubting everything I've gone through so far in my spiritual journey. I've had so many insights in my first few highs/trips on marijuana that maybe my ego couldn't take it anymore. Thanks for reading <3
  3. From my experiences, when one's senses start to tilt, what happens next is a shift in awareness. Or like a slight out of body experience. Don't get freaked out by it, just go along with it. Stay with the sensation and see if you can tilt a little more.
  4. For anyone wondering, I don't currently have an addiction to weed even after the 3 times I had these Mystical experiences. I look at marijuana as something that can help me find truths that I feel I need to understand. I'm not looking to get relaxed or escape, I'm looking for the next insights I will have on my next experiences. If I don't feel excited from my curiosity for Truth, I don't smoke. If I feel as if I'm lying to myself about my excitement just so I could go back to the blissful experience, I become aware of the lie and choose not to smoke. And I agree that different people will have different experiences and dependencies with any substance.
  5. You won't truly come to understand what "doesn't exist" means until you've had a Mystical experience. Until then, you'll mostly have just a concept of it. When you've had such experience, you'll come understand how illusory everything is. It'll feel like you're living in your own imagination.
  6. I've been tripping a few times this last week but I feel stuck on how I should approach each trip. I always want to go deeper every trip I go on. I don't want to be going on these trips without an intention of curiosity and what not. I'm asking for some self-inquiry questions or questions to ask myself while tripping that may trigger huge insights. Or maybe some tips on how to stay focused while tripping or if I should do a certain meditative practice while tripping. Also, is it normal to forget a lot of the insights you get or experience while tripping? I noticed that when I record myself and watch it, the things I say brings me back to how I felt during the trip. So should I record every trip I go on? Thank you very much
  7. For the 3rd trip, my intention was to try and go as deep as I could. I went pretty far. I kind of wanna talk about the movie 'Interstellar (2014)' first and how amazingly it portrayed going into one of these trips are. I loved the science aspect of the movie as a young teenager but looking back at it, I now understand the "paranormal" or spiritual part of it. Much appreciation for my favorite movie. Some observations from when the trip was setting in: as always, it felt like everything through my eyes were gigantic, even my body. I was an ant-sized human looking through a normal human's perspective. I could feel my voice shaking although from my recording, it wasn't shaky. As I'm looking back on the trip, I'm remembering how easily it was for myself to be deluded. Everything that I was imagining was becoming true, or at least true for me. I understood I was God and everything I say was true but at the same time, you can still delude yourself and make yourself believe anything. I had to be able to step into the Lower self every now and again to keep myself grounded. There are some things that I began to believe to understand which I will still write here but will make caution that I may have been deluded when saying them. During the trip, everything I was trying to explain and understand, all I saw was how much of an infinite loop it all was. Which I've said in my 2nd trip. The infinite loop can correspond with non-duality. There's 2 things but the only way one of the two things can exist or "make sense" is by knowing the other. And then the other needs to know the other to know the other... etc... They need to know each other infinitely, in a loop. One cannot be without the other, they're are 2 things but at the same time, 1 thing. Time here becomes way slower. It can keep going slower and slower. At some point, it almost felt like every frame of reality was passing through me. I could feel my mouth move frame by frame and feeling that eternal thirst. And as I kept focusing on my mouth and my thirst, I also started to get hungry, that was definitely the eternal "Munchies" faze. Our memory is one of a lot of things that keep us from getting Enlightened. It gives us the perception of time which replaces the real "eternity". But at the same time, it's also what can help us keep going deeper, or keep transcending us in levels of awareness. Memory helps us recall our previous sense of awareness and compare it to how it is now, from that, we become aware of the shift in awareness which then will help you transcend in awareness even more. Note that my grammar is starting to weaken because as I was writing this, everything is starting to feel like how I was at the God head. It all feels like a dream right now and time feels slower again. I was hoping I'd be writing all of this sober but I guess this is fine too. Deeper in, everything I was imagining became real. My imagination was reality at this point. I was in control of my imagination but at the same time, what I kept on imagining was my life. As if this is what I wanted to imagine, my human life story. Me and the ego are one. Helping each other go through this whole journey. I created the ego and yet the ego is also me. At some point, it felt like the whole Solar system could be around my head, that's how gigantic I felt. Your knowledge/perspective in the Physical can manifest into the Higher state, and at the same time, your knowledge/perspective of the Higher state can manifest into the Physical. They manifest each other infinitely, in a loop. I apologize for my inconsistency of vocabulary. Ex. Higher state/Stoned/High state/God head. Physical/Lower state. I'm sorta just picking words that seem similar to me at the moment and my memory is fading away a bit. Everything is a dream. Once this high is over, everything I experienced will feel like a dream. Just as how when I'm at this High state, everything that I know/remember from the Low state also feels like a dream. It's an infinite loop of dreaming and waking up. Sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up. And I'm okay with either state right now because this High state feels inevitable. Everything will always lead to how I am right now. But at the same time, how I am right now in this High state is always happening in real life, but I've been lacking awareness to see it. (Note I'm saying 'how I am right now' because how I felt when I was High and how I'm feeling right now while typing this is the same (but in a sort of lower extremity). I feel so out of my body.) In this state, you have control of whether or not you want to keep going and going. You also have the choice of feeling this way forever. What's important in the end is if you buy into any beliefs of self-doubt. If you buy into them, that's when you will start to believe you have no power and that you don't have control. And trust me, it can be tough but also at the same time, extremely easy (you can choose to believe that it's easy or not) to keep believing in your power/control. The paranoia I was experiencing was a different variant of self-doubt. To make me scared of going any deeper. The consequences that you will start thinking of from the paranoia are real... but they're only real if you accept them to be real. Near the end, everything felt so slow that it felt like an eternity before I can make a sound with my mouth to make up words. Your imagination is the limit and imagination has no limit. The deeper and deeper I went, it felt like I was speaking a different language. As if there was an extreme intelligence auto-translating for me. Translating the infinite intelligence's knowledge down to my Lower self. There's also a loop happening within this auto-translation. The ego is what keeps us from enlightenment but at the same time, it's what can help you stay in this High state. The ego can be helpful but also unhelpful. It's also neither, it just is what it is. It feels like I'm in a dream. I'm just witnessing my life. At some point, I started to understand how Leo is me and I'm Leo. It felt like everything I was saying and thinking, Leo has stumbled upon before. It was as if I hit the gold mine Leo was trying to make everyone see. Enlightenment feels... numb. Like enlightenment doesn't matter at this High state. Our ideas of Enlightenment in the low state are NOTHING like how it actually is in this state. You can't possibly know what it really is like right now in this High state. You have to be in the High state to actually know and fully understand what I'm trying to say in this paragraph. I think, there for I am. That sentence is starting to have a transcended meaning now. Awareness can infinitely transcend itself forever, in a loop of transcending. I started to understand why people say that when you're enlightened enough, you'll start to see the world as Divine. You see all its infinity, all it's possibility, all it's loopness, all its eternity. You see all of that in everything you see. I saw it on my window curtains, my walls, everything that I saw. I start to see myself creating my reality, my life story in real time. In the recording, I had long moments of being quiet and just smiling near the end. I was just embracing everything I was seeing, thinking, imagining. Just watching and appreciating it all. I could feel meta become more meta and becoming even more meta, transcending its own meta to become even more meta. Breaking through all the 4th walls (references for TV shows showing behind the scenes things). Science can never explain reality. It can use reality's coding to manipulate it and create things with the code but they never explain or fully understand it. Possible Delusions: The reason why stoners or hippies move so slow from our eyes is because they're bringing the experience of slow time or slow motion while being high into the Physical world. They got so used to the slow movement that they are now manifesting that into the Physical. The people who are fidgety, itchy, their voices are scratchy, etc., after or even during the High, they are losing touch of how the Physical world is like. They forget how strange they would look from the Physical perspective. They need to remember how it feels to be in the Physical and manifest that feeling into the higher state so you that they can stay grounded. The reason why people get the munchies or, for me, get thirsty while being stoned is because they became aware of their taste/mouth. To them, in the High/Stoned state, it's felt like an eternity since they had anything in their mouth to eat or drink. So then, they start feeling hungry or thirsty. It's an eternal thirst and eternal munchies. The reason why some people become very deluded when they get to this point or maybe even beyond this point is because they've completely deluded themselves with their Godness. They didn't realize or they forgot how powerful God is at making it self believe everything he says. So, every belief they ever had or even just made up while at the God head state, they started to believe as true and the reason why they have to be true is because they are God. Like I've said before, you need to come back to the Physical every once in a while to keep yourself grounded and not delude yourself of your Godness. Things that I believe helped me go deeper and deeper: Remember and understand that in this state, you are GOD. Meaning you DO have the choice to be in control of what you want in this state, there'll be a lot of times when you will believe that it won't be possible and you will start doubting yourself. Know that you DO have control. Remember that even though you are GOD, you can still delude yourself at this point with your Godly deluding powers. That's a little lesson in trickery. Understand that the percentage of a possibility doesn't matter here. Whether it's 1% or .000001%, it's still possible. Everything here has an infinite probability of happening. It's the possibility of what seems impossible that's allowing every possibility to be possible. Good recognition of anything that's changed. If you can easily be aware of any shift in your perception or awareness, that'll help you transcend in awareness even more. So I guess, just good awareness in general. Faith/Trust in yourself. If you there's anything I want you to take from this it's that you need to fully understand that you are GOD. GOD can choose to have control or not have control. CHOOSE TO BE IN CONTROL. CHOOSE TO BE INFINITELY IN CONTROL. Quick honesty note, I'm having some paranoia or worries that everything I wrote down here are deluded and false as shit. Gotta have faith...
  8. @Lateralus I only smoked the marijuana and used a DIY gravity bong. I was at first, helped by messaging an online friend of mine who had previous experiences with psychedelics. But this time, I was alone. I've been on my spiritual journey for maybe 3 years now and have never taken any psychedelics, I've always wanted to be Enlightened via "natural ways" like meditating and what not. I sort of "prayed" to whatever is out there and hoped this would give me answers, truth. And then I affirmed my hopes by telling myself "this is gonna work". Like I said in this post, being really hopeful and "Looking on the bright side" really helped me find more and more insights. Having trust in your self, the universe and just everything, really. I also took a few Puffs and when I felt like it was starting to set in, I took one more and then one more. While I'm tripping I decide whether or not I want to go deeper. You always have a choice to keep going. Just trust in yourself to make the right decisions. "Ask and you shall receive"
  9. The last couple days, I've been having a craving to go back to Infinity, to go back after being exposed to it once already. My whole intention with this second trip was to do it "right" this time. To be in control of what I wanted to see. I got everything I asked for and more during this trip. In the end, I had to ultimately choose to either stay and go deeper and deeper in to trip or I choose to be okay with the progress I've made from the trip. Which ever decision I chose is right. Everything I was trying to figure out ultimately used itself as an excuse for itself to be. It was all a beautiful infinite, infinite loop. I was able to understand how literally everything is all because of Love. Existing is Love. Love for myself and love for everything else which is also me. The deeper and deeper I went, the more impossible it seemed like I'd ever come back from it. I saw how everything I'm doing during the trip was affecting everything that has, is, and will happen in my life. At the same time, everything I do in the "real world" affected what I experience in the trip. They both affected each other, infinitly. It felt like I had full control of my human experience but at the same time, it felt like I also had no control at all. There were words that seemed more right than others. These words I believe now were what Leo meant by Absolute. The word Love is absolute, it's fundamental for everything. The word Good and Exist were absolute. Non-existence only ever exists as a concept. The ego. The ego, became a friend. The ego has always been a part of me. I've always had this ego and I've always had to have had this ego to want myself to exist eternally. The ego is the Love for myself. The phrases "Be optimistic" and "Always look on the bright side" had a huge role during this trip. I had to have faith in myself, in my all my Goodness that everything is gonna be alright. Trust in a happy ending. Everything is a happy ending. Death is an illusion. I could not imagine what Death was because it didn't exist. What happens before and after your life has always been this. This has always been what's happening. In the end, this has always been the end goal but it has also always been the starting line. I understand now how Enlightenment or Waking up is inevitable. The duty to help everyone else Wake Up now has a bigger importance to it. There's way more things to be said but I think that's as far as I'll go. Thanks for reading......
  10. I took my first ever psychedelic yesterday. It was Californian marijuana. I had set the intention of using the psychedelic only for insight and truth purposes. I was worried that this wouldn't get me anywhere in my spiritual path but about 30 minutes in, I started tripping. I told a friend of mine from online that I was starting to trip. This friend was very experienced with psychedelic use so, I was fortunate enough to have him babysit me during the trip. He helped me guide through it and he helped me find a lot of insights. One part of the trip that I loved was when the friend who I've only known for a while, started to feel like a very good old friend. It felt as if he's helped me through this trip a million times over. I was so happy to see him after what literally felt like an eternity. I wanted to catch up with him, make sure he was okay. I was so happy he was here because I felt so lonely in that state. Like how God is really the only "thing" so imagining that there's another person here with me made me so happy. I started telling him that I loved him, I miss him and that I would miss him after the trip is over. Another part, I started to imagine a person, alone, in the front row seat of a Cinema, munching on some popcorn in front of a gigantic movie screen. It seemed like he enjoyed every single moment of the movie. I knew that the person watching the movie was me and the movie he was watching was my life. I had insightful moment when I started to feel love for everything. Just loved them for the fact that they existed. The love I felt for everyone was coming from a state of complete understanding, acceptance and forgiveness. Multiple times, I was in a state where I lost all context of reality but then regain it all instantly and with all the context coming back, came along all the worries and fears I have in this reality. Every feeling I had during the trip felt so eternal. It was also like everything that's happening in this trip has happened a million times over but at the same time felt like the firs time. I should add that at the beginning of the trip, it felt as if I was very sleep deprived. Usually, I would feel kinda out of place from my body when I'm sleep deprived. Then, it started to seem as if I was in one of my dreams. Finally, my whole perspective started to tilt only to then become aware that I'm tripping and awake after an eternity. It felt like my body was in a water chamber, looking outside of the chamber's small window and seeing my whole life and perspective.
  11. Teal Swan has mentioned before how it doesn't matter who she is what matters is the content. Do not judge the content because of the speaker or the bullshit vibes you get. I was the same way, I wasn't into the woowoo stuff and i found her to be off pudding when I found her. But years later when I gave her a chance, it's incredible the knowledge this woman has. She doesn't have a PhD but she has many students that do. You might not accept it but we all have a concept of how an enlightened person should be like. An enlightened person should embrace poverty, but what if they want to enlighten others? It's hard to swallow but money actually does have power and influence in this world. Money is still needed if you want to be able to spread enlightenment to everyone or help people understand things that helped you. Choosing money over poverty is no different than choosing poverty when you're "enlightened". To deny money is not accepting the truth in reality. Would an enlightened person see murder as actually wrong? It's a part of the world just as money would be. As long as it an action doesn't hurt anyone I believe it should be fine. She even says that she will continue to give free content until she dies but she still needs money to manifest what she wants to happen.
  12. @jsonte Before you planned out everything, understand that you had worries. I wanted you to be understand that the reason why you wanted to plan out everything was because you had worries. Instead of planning everything out so that you didn't have to worry anymore, you should get to the core of the reason why you're worried. I wanted you to understand that your worries are valid and that there's nothing wrong with having them. The worries are there as a sign that there's something you need to heal, not ignore. True. I know that more than uncertainty, the potentiality of the things that COULD happen is more accessible to human mind. Good or bad, either way. We often tend to imagine the worst. But I only know that intellectually. How to address this though? Address it by maybe looking back at times when you worried a lot about something. Realize that the thoughts that caused your worries were never equivalent or true when the events actually take place. We tend to think the worst case scenario when we worry. Just keep finding examples of times when you worried so much but then the actual event wasn't even as bad. Then, maybe in the near future be aware the next time you start to worry. Start telling yourself that it's never really that bad when the event happens. When the actual event is over, reflect upon how you were able to just cruise by it. By reflecting upon and applying this understanding, you become more sure that things aren't ever as bad as we think they are. You'll start to understand that the worries you get are pretty irrelevant whenever the event actually happens. It's fine to have expectations and some plans but the problems begin when we start to think of "what ifs". Or when we start thinking of things that we don't want to happen. We never really have full control over everything that happens, it's easier to surrender. When you don't want something to happen, you're resisting. What you resist, persists. What you worry about might even have a higher chance of happening because you're resisting it. Understand that when the thing you didn't want to happens happens, it's not the end of the world. How to address low self-esteem. I want you to go within yourself and find that part of yourself that you enjoy being, acting. That part of yourself that makes you feel free, no boundaries. I found that part of myself. The part of myself that strolled the park just because I wanted to. I had no strings, I was confident. I want you to keep thinking about other aspects of yourself that you enjoy. Focus on those aspects and LOVE them, amplify them. Love those aspects of yourself and know that it's okay to love them. Love is never wrong, never invalid. I also want you to love the insecurities that may pop-up in your head. Think of them as a baby who just wants love and attention. Be understanding and validate the insecurities. I also want you to think of what you desire. Preferably how you want to feel. For example, you want money because you want to feel secure and free. Let the the good feelings of those desires swell up. It's also good to laugh or even cry at how much love you are feeling. Keep thinking of things that make you feel good. Some negative thoughts might come up as you're building up your feelings but just know that the happier and happier you feel, it's harder for the negatives to pop up or even affect you. Do not focus on your current circumstances, focus on what you want, on the way you want things to be like. The better and better you feel, it's almost as if your desires are already there. Don't focus on what you don't want but focus on the things you DO want. Imagine as if you had no limitations, you can experience anything that you want to experieexperience. When one begins to understand themselves and love themselves enough, it feels like there's nothing needed to be changed about them. They are perfect. Even their insecurities are still so perfect. Going deep within yourself. Focus on that feeling of worry. Almost as if the rest of your mind is quiet and there's just you and the worries. I want you to ask it why it's there or why am I worried. Be patient, you will always get an answer or maybe even multiple answers. Treat the worries as if they were your own child or that worry is you as an innocent child. You're trying to understand, not find any solutions. If the answers you get still require further questioning, go ahead. But when there's a point when you feel like you've hit the main reason, sit with it for a bit. Let the worry know that it's okay, and that they're right to be worried or afraid. This process may need to be done a few more times. Think of this process as going back to your past and giving the love and the attention your kid self needed but may not have gotten enough of. We tend to run away or cover up our insecurities and worries. Obviously, this isn't really fixing anything. Sit with the feelings of worry, insecurity, unworthiness and loneliness. Give them love and accept them. If my explanations weren't enough, which they probably weren't lol, here's some videos that helped me. Don't let the speaker throw you off. I always avoided any videos that the speaker made until I understood how real and true her teachings are. You don't have to like the speaker, just understand that her content are miracles. She speaks about how your authentic, pure honest self will set you free and always be on your side. This one is more for weight loss but I remember it helping me to love myself more and I'm sure you can apply the same process. These ones, I was interested in what she had to say. I ended up feeling sorry for people with these "disorders". Made me understand how we never really grow up from being a baby or child.
  13. Interesting question 👍 How can I be passionate about an object knowing that that object has no intrinsic value in itself in the Universe? I'd say that if this conceptual object was IN the universe then it must have actual value for it to be there or else, it wouldn't be. Just as a single small red blood cell might insignificant to the entire human body, it still has value and is meant to be there. Now, would the object be of anymore importance as a human body be to the universe? Probably not; in greater perspective, they'd just be vibrations, wiggles. But when you're asking as to how you can be passionate about an object when it's meaning to the universe is null, the answer is to do the same thing you did to make the object unpassionate to you. You switched your perspectives, you can still choose to go back to the human perspective or stay in the Universe perspective. You can choose to give meaning to something or not. You can have your own passions or meanings about something because you are you. You are in the human perspective, you are not in the actual Universe perspective. An object has meaning or not have meaning, both are sides of the same coin. If you want to give meaning to an object or anything, then do it, there's nothing bad about it. But what do I know? I'm also not in the actual Universe perspective.