Swagala

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About Swagala

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  1. Some things I experienced: Visual distortions were noticable. A rainbow of colors were in my vision. Patterns appeared, all the usual trippy stuff. When I spaced out with eyes open, it was like my eye's field of vision got horizontally wider. Everything in my vision started to look like a wall right front of my face. My body and the wall 5 feet away from me started merging, there was no space. As I was sitting on the floor, I noticed how bad my back felt (I have terrible posture and have upper back pain) so I started imagining popping or cracking my spine. I naturally ended up doing movements that I've seen from Kundalini yoga videos. I was circling my spine around and then I bending my spine backwards and forwards. I could hear my spine cracking so close to my ear. I cracked my neck as well. There's a spot around the middle of my spine that still feels "crackable" but it feels like it won't. Then my attention was caught by a sensation my sexual region. I could *feel* some kind of fluid. When I focused on it long enough and then contracted, this fluid started going up my spine, maybe 1/3 of the way up which was the highest it went up out of the multiple attempts. There were times when I was startled or started getting a bit anxious of something happening but it was so easy to brush the anxiety off and just go back to the place of peace. I didn't care if the anxious thoughts were going to be true or not, I just knew I'd rather be in peace. I started loving myself. Looking at it now, the reasons why I loved myself seem somewhat selfish or self-centered. The traits that I had seemed like I was meant to have them to grow and love myself. Something in me told me that "whatever brings you peace, follow it, follow your heart, trust in your goodness. Trust in your pursuit of becoming more loving towards people and yourself." Near the end of the trip, the headache that I had during the whole trip began to be unbearable. I took it as a sign to stop and just sleep and relax for a bit and not go any further. Thanks for reading.
  2. At some point in my meditations, I start feeling like my forehead and hands are one. And if I keep focus on this connection, I can feel my consciousness shifting. I have terrible focus so I can't stay on it for longer than maybe 5 seconds. I can feel deep peace and bliss whenever I focus on this connection. I usually sit crisscross and with my hands clasped and resting in front of my crotch area. I've tried having my hands resting on the knees, facing upwards. It kinda feels like both hands are shooting a constant beam of energy towards my forehead. Has anyone else had this sensation and any meaning it may have?
  3. I can relate in more ways than one. I commend you for being so aware of your situation. I would say you could use some self-esteem boost. It seems to me that you may have very low self-esteem which is very understandable. Start working on seeing yourself as confident, independent, worthy, complete, whole, loved. Maybe make a mantra out of it. Do some visualization and imagine what it feels like to be confident, loved, worthy, whole, complete. Do these enough times and I'm sure it'll boost you up. You can also do some Shadow work. Maybe go inside youself and confront those feelings of not being loved enough and sit with them, crying and letting it all out helps as well. When you've built up enough esteem and self-love, you'll stop needing and wanting anything from women or anything really.
  4. It was a little over a few months ago when I first took LSD. After and during every trip, it felt like I didn't know anything, I didn't know how things actually worked. I felt insane, like there was something wrong with me for not having a clue as to what's true or not true. During the times I was sober, I saw how the LSD may have rewired a few things in my mind. It was as if I couldn't see the relationship between a lot of things, how they were connected. The whole experience was confusing and fascinating at the same time. One thing that also happened during and after tripping on LSD that's left me feeling unsettled was how gullible I've become to the thoughts and ideas that pop-up. While on LSD, my mind would think up all these fantastic ideas of what's actually going on and I would believe them. Some ideas were unsettling but I still believed in them, some were selfish and gave me pleasure just thinking about them and I also believed. After a month of taking LSD every week and ending it with a 6-tab dose, my supply got cut off. In my mind I was confident that I'd be fine. But after some weeks pass, I fell apart. I became obsessed with the idea that LSD was my only real way of becoming "enlightened" and that if I don't become awake, then what else is there? For months after the withdrawal, my whole personality was full of frustration and anger. I was angry that my supply was cut-off for what seemed like no reason. All the text that I would read would be read in an angry voice, even most of the thoughts in my head were full of frustration. Every insult that I heared felt like a huge attack or threat against me. Every day, I would think about how I didn't have LSD to keep me on the right track which then left me feeling lost, confused, and frustrated. Every single thought that popped up in my mind, I easily believed. And this was months after being off of acid. It felt so difficult to take a step back from the thoughts, it was a tug-of-war between buying into the thoughts or frustratingly trying to stop and suppress them. I just wanted to bang my head against a wall from all the commotion going on in my head. It wasn't until yesterday that I began to truly heal. A sudden awareness let me see how I've been letting thoughts run my life. It was thought after thought 24/7 throughout most of my life. I saw that there was no thinker. Thoughts began to seem like chatter just to fill up space. That's all they were, chatter. They had no real importance, nothing was accomplished from any of the chatter. It was like I woke up after sleeping for so long only to find that nothing's been done, nothing's been accomplished. I also saw how thoughts worked as if they were only reactions to stimuli. I see a car, thoughts pop-up related to cars. I hear the thought in my head, here's another thought that relates to that thought. Oh, I've become aware of my thoughts? Here's some "spiritual" thoughts about thoughts. I finally saw how much of an affect leaving this thought producing machine running 24/7 had on my life. As I went through my yesterday, I had way less anxiety compared to the days before. Thoughts of how I looked and how I should look were almost no where to be found. I had no thought of how I should have been acting as I went outside. I was less controlling of situations, I was less alert but more aware, I was less opinionated and less judgemental. Looking back now, I feel like my supply getting suddenly cut off and all the pain after that was a blessing 🙏 and a needed lesson. I am filled with so much Appreciation.
  5. Yesterday, I figured out how to get somewhat disconnected from this body. Basically I pick an item from across the room and have an intention to grab it. Then I just watch the body move on its own without even having to keep thinking about what I was trying to do. Also when I just finished moving around like flipping from laying on my back to my front, I would say "I did not do any of that." It works with thoughts too(ish) after the mind finishes up a train of thought and then all that's left is silence. It feels great being the one observing everything.
  6. These are great! Thanks for sharing!
  7. I've just learned about 1P-LSD today and it's apparently not illegal (only for research purposes) but if you get caught consuming it then that's an uh oh. I've also read that it's almost indistinguishable to LSD-25 or "real" LSD. Has anyone had experience tripping on 1P-LSD and can confirm if it really is similar?
  8. By deluded you mean that it feels like you're forcing to be in a specific state? As in the state where you're in the Now? I can kind of get that. Maybe it can seem ingenuine to have to choose to be in the Now instead of going with what feels natural (like going along with the ego). The thing with being in the Now is that it takes it requires conscious effort. Without that conscious effort, you'll be swept away by the waves of the automatic mind. If you want it to happen more "continuously", you already know that more meditation and mindfulness work can definitely help with that. Maybe at some point, it will get to a point where it takes almost no effort to almost always be in the Now. Maybe at some point, instead of seeing being in this "thoughtless and mindful" state as deluded or ingenuine, it'll start to feel like the opposite. It'll feel like being unconscious is what's deluded and ingenuine.
  9. In meditation, I will get to a state of peace and stillness. Then I can sense some kind of shifting in my consciousness only for it to stop (not sure if there's any significance or validity to this). When these shifts are happening, I notice that I would be holding my breath. I've noticed that most of time when I'm breathing, when I hear the sounds of the breath, it's like I get attached to it. I would identify as the one making the sounds of the breath going in and out. It's from the distraction of the sounds of the breath that makes it easier for my mind to start thinking. Any have any tips or advice for this? Maybe I might just need to work on my concentration so that I don't get distracted by the breath or whatever. Thank you for your time!
  10. Wanted to share this video where Aaron shared more of his personal experience.
  11. I've been trying to become more conscious about what's happening when I get "turned on" by something attractive/beautiful tovget a deeper understanding of it. I wanted to share the findings I got from focusing on the times when I become sexual attracted to something. I would ppreciate hearing your own explanation for what sexual attraction is. Here it goes. When I see something or someone that turns me on, there's a wanting to become closer. Almost to become whole or one. When I see something attractive/beautiful which turns me on, it's like I see that thing as something else other than me or separate. So when I see something beautiful and believe that it's separate from me, I feel the need to reconcile with it or become one. When I start looking at the beautiful/attractive things or people as if they're a part of me, a different form of me, not separate, the sense of sexual attraction disappears. I'd like to add that sometimes when I become sexual attracted to something, for me, I feel like I'm less than them. Maybe it's just me and my low self-esteem but when I see beauty and then believe that they're separate from me, that's when I feel like I'm less. The beauty is separate from me, so that means I'm not beauty/beautiful. I then become attracted to them or feel the need to become closer to them so I can realize I'm sort of at the same level as them; that I can be loved by something beautiful.
  12. Update. I attempted to re-enter that place again only to gain an insight. I became very aware of the mind narrating. It had the habit or tendency of narrating everything that was being experienced. Then, I started wondering why it was doing that. I was the one experiencing the experiences but for some reason the mind still wanted to describe everything to itself. There's no one else here, anyone and everyone else is irrelevant in this moment. It's only me, so why the need to describe everything? Then I began to be more aware of the fact that there's only me "here". There IS no one else, or at the very least, they're irrelevant right now. The thoughts started to disappear since there was no use for them anymore since there's actually no one else. There's no need to describe anything because I'm the one experiencing it. I already know it. There's definitely a lot of redundancy in that paragraph XD. I also feel lonely now after realizing that there's really only me. It also feels like this attempt to share this insight is pretty much futile since I'm the only one here. I also began to lose me sense of self. Since there's only ever me, the idea of an "I" or a separation did not make sense.
  13. Initially, there was some frustration caused by the random thoughts. And even more frustration caused by the thoughts that felt like I was thinking them, like a narrative voice. I wanted to go beyond the thoughts. So I asked for some help from the higher self for some guidance. I then tried to place my awareness somewhere else on the body away from my head where the thoughts seem to appear from. Then suddenly, I did find the spot. Not really sure where it was, it felt more like I accidentally (or as if something helped me get there 😉) sunk right into it. I don't know what to call it but it felt like a void. It was a place that seemed familiar from my previous meditations but this one was way more "vivid". The body felt like it was lying on its side suspended in the air even though it was actually sitting down. It also felt like I was leaning at an angle but I was being supported by some force. It felt like I could have stayed there forever. Thoughts still popped up but they were so easy to identify as thoughts, they were easy to let go of. I've always had trouble being motivated to meditate because the previous ones I did I would just be calming down the mind and would spend the rest of the time focusing on the body and that was it. But this experience was so blissful and peaceful. I want to go back.
  14. I feel like deep inside we all want that to be the case. But fear and doubt stops us from totally believing and going all in. Hence why your mind wanted ask for words of approval or disapproval. I remember Jim Carrey saying "You Can Fail At Something You Don’t Want, So You Might As Well Take A Chance Doing What You Love." It's very inspiring but again, fear of the "outcomes" in our mind stops us. Only an individual who has nothing to lose would be able to actualize these messages. Then again, we all technically have nothing to lose. The mind makes up the things that we believe we can lose. I remember Darryl Anka saying something like how the brain isn't made to predict the future or outcomes. It's meant to experience what's in the Now. That sort of helped me give less trust towards the fear of undesirable outcomes the brain makes up. And yes, you won't be satisfied unless the answers come from you XD. I'm still working on all these LOA and following your excitement stuff myself. I've always had this mindset: If this world isn't as loving, as exciting, or as magical as I Imagined it to be or was told it to be then I'd rather not live in this world. I'd rather fully ignore the whole world and live inside my own head imagining all the good things. Or you know, maybe something more severe. Hope you find your own answer soon. ♥️