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2 cells out of the blue got bored in infinite time and decided to merge together, creating complicated cells and bacteria which created evolution, this all came from a giant rock (earth) which came form the big bang which came from nothingness/consciousness, existence itself, everything is one thing. Thats why they say "given enough time anything is possible".

Fuck. If you told me a week ago what I am going to write now, I would have laughed at you. On May 25th I realized absolute Truth. What I did: During the week, that passed I had a 6.5d solo retreat and with some intense 10 to 12h of daily practice. The weekend before (May 18th-20th) I went on a nice camping trip with 3 of my friends and fellow self-actualizers. We did some inner and regular self-actualization work together and enjoyed time in nature. This was a great preparation and helped me to put some space between practical everyday life and the retreat. My intent was to reconnect myself with spirituality and to go deep into the work. I combined several different practices, kriya yoga, labeling and do nothing meditation, holotropic breathing, walking meditation starting at 5am in the morning. On the 4th day I took 300µg of AL-LAD. I tried to time everything in a way that I was a least likely to get disturbed by my housemates. Here's my schedule: M = meditation SDS = strong determintion sitting SHF = "see, hear, feel" (labeling) Holo = Holotropic breathing Allthough I was able to follow through with the entire schedule without missing one single practice (which I am kinda proud of ), I ended up having a lot of what I would call half-assad sits and sloppy meditations. I had to move and open my eyes a lot, even during strong determination sitting, and I ended up getting lost in thoughts a lot. Nevertheless I was able to enter a state of great calmness by wednesday. I also did 1h of walking meditation 3 times/d, just walking around in a park next to where I live so I wasn't really that isolated from the rest of humanity allthough I didn't really speak to anybody. In case you might be wondering, I had psychedelic trips before this one. I was actually doing psychedelics before I stumbled about Leo and the concept of personal developement. And over the last 5 years I had a couple of mushroom and salvia trips, one 25I-NBOMe experience and 3 AL-LAD trips prior to this one (100, 200 and 150µg). What I experienced: The actual retreat and practice itself was rather ordinairy. I had to go through some emotional work and purging to enter a state of great calmness and equanimity on day 3. To cultivate this internal peace helped a great deal with preparing me for day 5. The holotropic breathing also did a lot. I typically fall asleep soon after the breathing is over after a state of trance where most of the purging seems to happen for me. After waking up I alway feel so relieved. On the 5th day, I prepared everything for the actual trip. I sat down and said to myself: "I am ready to learn! Whatever may come, I am open and will accept it." Then I orally administrated the 300µg of AL-LAD and listened to some music for about 35min to help myself relax a little from a mild pre-trip anxiety. As I noticed it starting to take effect, I turned off the music and laid down on my bed. I started to see visual phenomenon and allowed myself to get fascinated by the patterns of the ceiling above me. I just let myself ooze into them and start to get absorbed. Everything got more and more intense and suddenly everything (my whole visual field, but also the inner world of mind and the fields of sound and touch) collapsed into one giant mosic like totality. And then, I suddenly realized what happened. I was no longer there. There was just infinite formlessness. I became Truth. I should note, that the experience was profoundly beautiful and profundly shocking at the same time! My human body just contorted in awe and horror. I felt every single emotion at the same time. I also noticed, that I started to hear sounds. High ringing type of sounds, that augmented the chirping of the birds outside and low drone like sounds, that seemed to be related to my breath Now the really profound thing was, that I seemed to be able to switch back and forth between this state of being absolute formless infinity and the state of being a contracted human form. This was immense! I experienced how I (absolute infinity) contract to create form, mind, relative reality, ego and suffering. I realized, that I am god and how I am constantly creating everything. I realized, that what most people call hallucinations or visuals on psychedelics are actually artefacts of how creation of form from fromlessness happens. They are just how absolute nothingness looks like when it creates reality. This switching back and forth produced enourmus insight and I was able to learn so much! It went on about 4-5h and then, I started to stay more and more in the domain of forms. As the trip became milder and taper off, I decided to take a long-ass walk because I wanted to be outside and in nature. It was so beautiful. My mind still was in this hyper-intelligent mode, that it seems to enter on AL-LAD and started to produce insight after insight, and it integrated all the theory and concepts about nonduality with the experience. The trip was about 8 to 9h long and I entered a nice afterglow, that lasted the whole next day, as I continued my retreat. I returned back to the state of great calmness, I had the days before the trip and the experience became more and more of a memory. I started to realize, that this glimpse won't be permanent. But the insights stayed with me. What I learned: I became Truth. I experienced, what I truely am. Everything is in perspective now. I learned how creation and existence work. I understood how I (the Big I, nothingness, god, infinity, formlessness...) contract to spit out all dualistic forms including my human form, the mind and reality. I also realized, how I have to create suffering and ego in order for this to happen. This was an profundly powerful and eye opening insight. It also showed me, how I (my human form) can literally not exist and be happy at the same time. For my body even to take a single breath, I have to create form and therefore suffering. And it made this whole issue of having to physically die to get enlightened very clear. Letting go completely litterally is the way, that I can return to nothingness. There can only be Truth or there can be creation and suffering. I understood every single contemplative practice, how each one works and in what way it is supposed to reveal Truth to you. Kriya, breathing, and all the different meditation techniques, Leo and Shinzen talk about make total sense now. I also learned how to meditate intuitively. The way Infinity came to me and the way, I had to let go sort of made a permanent imprind and I was able to recreate the way I focused my mind and surrenderd myself on the next day. It's basically a combination of open, choiceless awareness and a very deep surrender (simular to the do nothing technique). Leo's guided meditation video actually get's pretty close to it. Allthough I am not able to recreate the deep state I had on my trip, I can archive a calm and extremely peaceful no-mind kind of state that way. I learned how life purpose and spirituality work together. This became so clear to me by becoming infinity and seeing how reality comes into existence. Maintaining a minimal sense of self for this mammal, that I am to survive is best done by aligning myself more and more with the truth and with living an integrated purposeful life. I learned how the whole issue of authenticity and relating to other people is connected with spirituality. This was huge insight. The only way to relate to other beings without creating suffering is the way of utter vulnerability. Like if you literally would lay you naked body in the arms of another person, exhale your last breath and say: "You can have everything! My entire existence, it's yours!" This kind of surrender is the exact same surrender that is needed for enlightenment. I learned, that the biggest trap, I can now fall into is to cling to the memory of my awekening too much and to have too strong of a desire to recreate it. Whenever I am clinging to the memory, I am not surrendering to the Truth. What's next: More practice and more tripping. This experience of infinity I had is already fading and I see, how I have to do a LOT more work, to make it penetrate the core of my being more. I want to take my spiritual practice way more serius and I want to embody what I have learned. More theory. Even though I have studied quite a lot, I now feel like I needed the experinece to truly understand any of the theory. There is so much more to learn now. More life purpose work. I am curently building a life around being a musician and I want to do it in the way that is as alighned to Truth as possible. Having seen infinity made it increadibly clear to me how this has going to happen. Doing more for my body. I have seen what increadible miracle it is to have the form of a human being and I want to take care of this mammal that I am as best as I can. And allthough I have a pretty clean diet, I have all sorts of tense muscles in my back and consume quite a lot of caffeine. Getting more into fitness and exercising is inevitable right now. Working on truthful and authentic relating to others. I want to be able to open myself to others way more and to become a lot more honest. Tips and advice: Unlike Leo, I would advise you to have your first experience of Truth with AL-LAD rather than with 5MeO-DMT. I understand, that this is sort of personal, but if I would take the 20min of my trip, that where most intesne and imagined myself getting blasted into this state within a few seconds, I wouldn't have been able to let go so smoothly and I guess wouldn't have learned nearly as much.> Think of it this way: If you were trying to understand light, and you can choose between a lightbulb, which is nicely dimmed on and off again, and a single bolt of lightening, I guess for a first timer, the lightbulb is much more helpful. Probably my most important advice: Study the theory! If I wouldn't have been studying the theory of nonduality for the last couple of years I would literally have gotten nothing out of the experience. My mind wouldn't have been able to make sense out of anything. It would just have been some hallucination for me. Having concepts of what I was experiencing helped a great deal with recognizing it as absolute Truth and the way that AL-LAD makes your mind become this hyperintelligent wisdom machine worked greatly with that (which is another reason why I would recommend AL-LAD over 5MeO for a first time experience). On retreat, practice starts to take on at different dynamic on its own. Stuff comes up and it might be getting very hard to do some of the techniques as good as you would be able to do them in your daily practice. Don't judge yourself for that and don't judge your performance. Surrender to whatever happens and try not to get frustrated. The retreat is at play here and it will give you whatever you need to learn right now (sort of like a trip). Thinking in terms of good or bad retreats is not useful (recisely like thinking in terms of good or bad trips is not useful ). Solo retreats are perfect settings for breakthrough doses of psychedelics. If you are serious about experiencing Truth for the first time than this is definately one of the most recommended alternatives. If you're struggeling with this issue of life purpose vs. spirituality, consider psychedelics. For me they made the solution to this increadibly clear. They actually showed me, that there is no real difference between the two, especially, if you understand how your core values relate to Truth. Lastly: Remember, that letting go is the key! I am so greatful right now. Awakening is so powerfully life transforming and liberating. Thank all of you for walking this path together. I hope this report is helpful. If you have any questions, I am happy to answer.

@B_Naz Best thing to understand is that we must start closer to home. I mean don’t ever go beyond where one has not yet began. Learn about the nature of thought/self. That way you can avoid getting caught in self deception, (identification with ideas) The only way to end thought is to understand its whole movement and maintain religious awareness of that understanding. In that understanding and awareness makes for the cessation of experience acting as a barrier between the conditioned mind and nothingness. The art of living?

Basically, it means awareness. It's the intellects inferred description, if you will, of the indescribable. Anyway, then BE reality. That's the point. Have you had any spiritual epiphanies yet? If so, have you gained self-knowledge from the experience? Self- knowledge can be gained without an epiphany though, by using a teaching, such as Vedanta. The self-knowledge I'm referring to is that you are actually awareness (or nothingness), not the apparent person you have thought you were and what that means.

You only know very little, and what you know is what is in your direct experience right now in the moment, and you may only understand attributes to what is in your direct experience, the more you pay attention to it the more attributes you will come to know about it. "Faith = being in a place of not knowing, accepting what arises, Belief = the ego's way of labelling or controlling experience". Focus on the left hand you become the left hand, Focus on right the hand you become the right hand. Focus on the breath you become the breath. Focus on thoughts you become the thoughts. Focus on emotions you become the emotions. Focus on the pain you become the pain. Focus on another you become the other. Focus on existence you become existent (more alive/awake/present/in the moment). "The thing you are looking for is the thing that is looking" Unfocused with great intensity you become the nothingness/emptiness/silence/pure consciousness/ Samadhi, whatever. "You are looking through a small lens" To quieten down the mind they tell you to do the focus on breath meditation, actually they say you can't quieten the mind, you can only remove awareness from it. So basically you're just training where you place your awareness. To truly be one with the object/subject in your awareness the concept of "you" has to disappear, there must be no illusion of the self, there must be no self. "No one can pass the gateless gate, no one's mind has ever figured out how, and no one ever will, no one can pass the gateless gate... So. Be. No One." "There is no self that awakens, there is no you that awakens, what you are awakening from is the illusion of the separate self. From the dream of the limited you, to talk about it is meaningless there must be an actual cessation of the self to realize directly what it is, and once it is realized there is nothing that can be said about it, as soon as you say something you are back in the mind 'I've already said too much'." "Not that which the eye can see, but that whereby the eye can see: know that to be Brahman the eternal, and not what people here adore; Not that which the ear can hear, but that whereby the ear can hear: know that to be Brahman the eternal, and not what people here adore; Not that which speech can illuminate, but that by which speech can be illuminated: know that to be Brahman the eternal, and not what people here adore; Not that which the mind can think, but that whereby the mind can think: know that to be Brahman the eternal, and not what people here adore. The One Power that illumines everything and everyone is indivisible. It is the Ear behind the ears, Mind behind the mind, Speech behind speech, Vital Life behind life. The ears cannot hear it; it is what makes the ears hear. The eyes cannot see it; it is what makes the eyes see. You cannot speak about it; it is what makes you speak. The mind cannot imagine it; it is what makes the mind think. It is different from what all we know; yet it is not known either. Those who feel they know Him know Him not. Those who know that anything amenable to the senses is not Brahman, they know it best. When it is known as the innermost witness of all cognitions, whether sensation, perception or thought, then it is known. One who knows thus reaches immortality." Notice where you put focus/awareness is where things unravel? how you learn, how you get things done, notice how all unconscious activity is basically activity that robs your focus when you know it should be used elsewhere? "The degree to which a person has evolved or become enlightened is the degree to which one has gained the ability to adapt to each moment or to transmute the constantly changing human stream of circumstances, pain and pleasure into bliss."

TL:DR version: Focus/awareness/Consciousness is the only thing "known" to you in your present moment. And pure consciousness is emptiness/nothingness/Absence/Brahman, everything else is consciousnesse's illusion, the game of lila. This thing is literally a fucking super power this is what Sadhguru means when he says "Focus in one direction" and "pay attention and anything will yield to you", this is what "law of attraction is" all problems arise because our attention is always being stolen by useless unconscious stuff. No wonder people meditate 24/7, they're training their awareness to stay in blissfulness, no wonder the buddha did that, mastering the skill of focus. This is not about popping psychedelics and going on fun mystical trips, spirituality is self mastery, psychedelics might be useful to someone who's stuck on common ego, but all these psychedelics user seem to want to trip the rest of their entire lives, that's bullshit, sounds like another addiction. Like Eckhart Tolle said "maple syrup for the mind".

*note* I'm really asking Leo here and hope he has the time to answer. I'm not looking for every Joe blo's opinion from their beliefs. I'm not interested in opinions. If you really think you can answer these questions, from actual experience, and not coming from a place of feeding your Ego's importance, then yes please, I'd love to hear your wisdom. In the video, you talk abut it taking the will to give up literally everything, including the will to live, to become Enlightened / Awake. You have to 100% commit and surrender to dying. Not 99%, but 100% giving up your life totally and completely. The will to pull the trigger, but 1000 times worse, as your killing yourself over years or decades. Watching everything in your life, everything you love, all slowly die off piece by piece. Sounds like the worst misery. But, you're saying this is the only way to actually wake up. The Only way out of the suffering. The only way to ever actually feel true love for anything. But here's the problem I have. I've already died. I've stopped breathing, turned grey, lips blue, and felt the numbness and darkness envelope me. Felt my life fade away into nothingness. I got to the very very edge of forever death. And in that moment, on that edge, I said 'No, no I will not go now! I will fight with my very last bit of will to not go over that edge. I had more will than I ever have in my life to stay alive. And I did. I met death and lived. But in this video, you say the only way I can become Enlightened, to become Awake, to ever stop all the suffering, to actually experience real Love, is to go to that exact same space on the edge and say "I surrender to death". I...I, do not think I can do that. Knowing what it felt like to die, I don't think I can willfully do that to myself. Now here's my real fear, knowing that I can't willfully kill myself, I might spend the rest of my life knowing that this is the only thing there is to do with my life. Nothing, absolutely nothing, not sex, not women, not pleasure, not purpose, not companionship, not even love, or even the basic joy of being alive, absolutely nothing is going to satisfy me or bring me any kind of real happiness. Only being Awake / Enlightened / Truth / being God, will I ever experience peace. Knowing that this is possible, and never trying, will drive me mad. Always knowing its there and possible, but I'm too chicken to try, the rest of my life will be fucked. If I try and fail for decades, wasting my life, my life is fucked. If I can't summon the will to actually kill myself (which I know I can't do), then the rest of my life is fucked. I won't be able to forget this, or let it go of this, if I know that there is a chance that all the suffering can actually go away. I just don't know what to do, if I can't do what you're saying I have to do in this video. Sorry for all the reading to do, I tried to make this as succinct as possible. And thank you for any answers or insights.

After Enlightenment one is fully identified with the human nature and the being. Human Being is the gate of everything, including you the reader. If a human being fully identifies with nothingness, what we see as the whole universe outside of the human body/mind, then that human being dies, literally. So awakening is from inside out, not from outside of the body/mind (nothingness to in <human>). In itself, the body/mind of each of us is literally infinite, the direct hologram of everything else.

You are overlooking a very important point: that "you" is an illusion. After enlightenment, you're not identified with being human any more. Your identification shifted to Nothingness and therefore Everything. So there is nothing to improve because you are the whole universe in all its possible forms. How can you improve infinity? Infinity includes every possible state. So there's nowhere to run. Moreover, the concept of "improvement" only makes sense if you assume time exists. And at higher levels of consciousness, it doesn't. You become so present to the NOW that you cannot even conceptualize a future in which something could be better or worse. And of course the concepts "better" and "worse" are just judgments of the ego-mind to begin with.

Originally, experience means to go through with/to end....To not carry experience over as a projection onto the present movement experiencing. But that is not what we do. We cling to experience and project forward onto the “dynamic now” When this is the case, all present experience implies “the accumulation of the past, “knowledge/memory”, and that recollection is then projected in the form of a new experience. But that experience is not new if it is influenced by the accumulation of memory, knowledge, and past experiencings. Any movement as such is a movement of thought, no matter how much one feels thought was not in movement. If a experience is identified it is a movement of thought “the known” Any experience implies the movement of thought/the thinker. In this case the experience and experiencer are one in the same movement. When/If, the movement of experience “knowledge/memory, being static”, ceases to be carried over onto the dynamic now, “not recorded and therefore projected” then no content/movement of the self, “thinker/thought”, will be projected as an experience at all. If all that movement of self ceases to manifest, so does the experience/experiencer who experiences. Which implies there is no-body to identify with any-thing. The ultimate freedom. If there is no such dualistic movement of thought taking place then that implies whole action that is not divisive and fragmented by a center/ego/thought..... This implies that the center “the i” is not. This is what is considered “ONENESS/NON-DUAL”... In this all movement ‘without’ such dualistic action implies whole action, complete action, the action of truth. Infinite, absolute, immeasurable. WHEN THIS DUALISTIC MOVEMENT CEASES, THAT IS THE ACTION OF TRUTH ITSELF. THIS IS EMBODIMENT OF TRUTH, THE INFINITE, ABSOLUTE, THE IMMEASURABLE. BUT THERE IS NO IDENTIFICATION/EXPERIENCE OF SUCH IMMENSE ENERGY. CENTERLESSNESS IMPLIES NOTHINGNESS AND NOTHINGNESS IMPLIES THE ABSENCE OF IDENTIFICATION/EXPERIENCE THE ENDING OF TIME.

We can either accumulate knowledge by means of time which only continues as a movement of time. Or there can be a cessation of time all together. Time “any movement of self” cannot move to the timeless. Time must end. If time does not end, nothingness is a product of time, therefore is not nothingness.

Unless there is a cessation of thought in time one is speaking of nothingness as an idea “product of thought” To read and accumulate concepts, theories, and so on is the movement of thought imitating and identifying with some-THING. And only thought identifies and imitates. As long as thought is in movement one is bound by time, and nothingness is timeless. One cannot go beyond where one hasn’t yet began. Get rid of all traditional ideas, concepts, and theories about nothingness. As any description “of thought” is never what is actually described “what is”

@Leo Gura Funny, I just watched a video of sadhguru explaining the third eye, and he said that there are million different ways on how to move your energies to the third eye, or Ajna chakra, but to move your energies to the crown chakra, there are no ways at all. Only if you have your third eye open (so to speak), and after that jump into nothingness, your crown chakra opens. Well, again, different guru's use different rhetoric. I guess we just have to try these things ourselves and see what happens. I'll start doing the pranayama practice with my internal gaze between my eyebrows.

It’s important to understand that unless time/thought ends all talk of nothingness is a product of imagination. This has to do with my original post here about experience.

No i am understanding it, you are saying the blind man only understands the picture doesn't exist because someone tells him about the picture and he has a concept of him not being able to see it (existing). Or if someone loses all their senses except for the mind then they will only know that something doesn't exist because they have a memory or concept of having these senses before they had lost it, right? Why does nothingness = existence When non-existence = a concept. when nothingness and non-existence are practically the same thing in dictionary terms. Doesn't nothingness basically mean there's nothing there! it doesn't exist?! Why isn't it a paradox in both cases?

No, what I am trying to communicate to you is that Nothingness is existence. Nothingness is NOT non-existence. This is a very important point: Nothingness exists! You're still not realizing that non-existence is a concept, which is occurs within existence.

if you dont like it then fair enough you don't need to come telling me this guy is a salad guy and how i need to find a better teaching. Not sure why you felt the need to share that. Clearly you're here to socialise seeing as leo is not your teacher and "some guy who runs this website" and dont like complicated reads? what you dont like your friends on facebook or something? I listen to Leo as a teacher, and I listen to many others sources, doesn't mean i agree with him on everything, for example I disagree with him on this, to me nothingness is identical to non-existence, the absence of everything, if nothingness is an existent thing then you would be able to prove it, it wouldn't be this intangible, invisible, inconceivable thing which is basically describing non-existence, nothingness is beyond everything.

What implies to you fully accept yourself? why you are not enlightened righ now?, put yourself in that place, feel that. It's the same place from which you reject all the world and all the life around you. You just have an nosy mind, accustomed to help it flow, projecting reasons in the past and in the future, let it flow without help, turn your mind to one side just a instant, and it will stop by itself for the moment. do nothing, let your mind stop alone, without help, and then the state of being will manifest itself. whether you know it or not this state of conciousness is light, this text Light is the most mysterious thing in the universe, for many reasons. You may not have felt it like that, but the first thing about light is that light is the purest energy. Physics says that everything material is not really matter, only energy is real. Matter is dead; matter exists no more. It never existed except in our conceptions. Matter appears to be, but it is not. Only light is - or energy, or electricity. The deeper we penetrate into matter, the less material is found. At the very deepest there is no matter, and matter itself becomes nonmaterial. But light remains, or energy. Light is the purest energy. Light is not matter, and wherever we feel that matter is, it is only light condensed. So matter means light condensed. This is the first mystery about light, because it is the substratum of all existence. So in a new way, the oldest concept of religions - that in the beginning God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light - becomes very significant, because existence in its purity is light. So if existence begins, it has to begin with light. Another thing: light can exist without life, but life cannot exist without light. So life also becomes secondary. Matter simply disappears, it is not. It is only condensed light. Then light can exist without life. Life is not a necessity for light to exist, but life cannot exist without light. So life becomes secondary and light becomes primary. In this context, one thing more: just as light can exist without life but life cannot exist without light, just the same, life can exist without love but love cannot exist without life. So these three l’s have to be remembered - light, life, love. Light is the substratum, the ground, and love is the peak. Life is only an opportunity for light to reach love. Life is just a passage. So if you are only alive, you are just in the passage. You have not reached anywhere, unless you reach love. Light is the potentiality, love is the actuality, and life is only a passage. So when it is said that God is love, this is the love that is meant. Unless you become love you are just in between, you have not reached the end. Light is the beginning, love is the end, and life is just a passage.So remember this: light can exist without life. Matter is just an appearance, a “condensity,” an intensity of light, and life is a manifestation. That which is hidden in light is manifested. Life is not an appearance: life is a manifestation. Matter is just light condensed. So when light remains light and becomes condensed, it is matter. When light evolves, manifests its potentiality, it becomes life. If it simply remains life, then death is the end. If it evolves more, then it becomes love - and love is deathless. You may call it God, you may call it anything. These are basic points. If you remember them, then we can proceed into the sutra. Third: in this whole world everything is relative except light. Only light has a constant velocity. That’s why physics takes light as the measurement of time. Everything is relative; only light is, in a certain way, absolute. Light travels with a constant velocity; nothing else is constant. So only light is absolute. There is no change: the velocity is absolute, the speed is absolute. So light becomes a mystery. It is not relative to anything, and everything else is relative to light. So nothing can travel with more speed than light, because if anything takes the speed just equivalent to light it will turn into light. If we can throw a stone with the speed of light, the stone will become light. Anything moving with the speed of light will become light. So nothing reaches the velocity of light, and nothing transcends the velocity of light. The speed of light is 186,000 miles per second. Anything traveling with that speed will become light. That’s why scientists say we cannot travel with the speed of light, because anything - we, or aircraft, rockets - anything traveling with that speed will become light itself. Fourth: light travels without any vehicle; everything else can travel only with a vehicle. Only light travels without vehicles. That is mysterious. And also, light travels without any medium. Everything else has to travel through a medium. A fish can travel in water, a man can travel in air, but light travels in nothing, in nothingness. In the beginning of this century, physicists just imagined something like ether. They imagined something must be there, otherwise how can light travel? So that was a basic question: light comes to the earth from the sun or from some star, it travels, so there must be some medium through which it travels. So just because nothing can travel without a medium, in the beginning of this century scientists hypothetically assumed that there must be some x - they named it ether - through which light travels. But now they have found that there is no medium. The whole universe is just a vast space, and light travels in nothingness. That means even nothingness cannot destroy it, even emptiness cannot affect it. That means even nonbeing cannot affect light’s being. And it can travel without any medium, without any vehicle. That means the energy is not derived from somewhere else. Light itself is the energy. If you have some derived energy, then you will have to travel through mediums, through vehicles; you cannot go yourself. Light goes by itself.Fifth: light is neither being pushed nor being pulled. It simply travels. If I throw a stone, then there is a push. I put my energy in the stone, and the stone will only go to the limit, to the extent, up to where it can be forced by my energy. When my energy fails or is exhausted, the stone will fall down. The stone is not traveling with its own energy. The energy has been given to it, it is foreign. Everything in the world has foreign energy in it - except light. Everything moving is moving with some energy derived from somewhere else. A tree is growing, but the energy has been derived. A flower is flowering, but the energy has been derived. You are breathing and living, but the energy is derived. You have no energy of your own. Nothing has, except light. In this reference, the saying of Mohammed in the Koran becomes very significant. He says, “God is light,” and he means there that only God is his own source of energy. Everything else is just derived. So we really live a borrowed life. It is borrowed from many, many sources. That’s why our lives are conditional. If one source just refuses to give us energy, we are dead. Light lives with its own energy - unborrowed, self-originating. It is neither pushed nor pulled, and it moves. That’s the most mysterious thing possible. It is a miracle. Sixth: if only light has its own energy and everything else lives with borrowed energy, certainly it must be that everywhere, ultimately, the energy is borrowed from light - because if everything lives with borrowed energy except light, then ultimately light is the donor. Wherever you get your energy, ultimately the source must be light. You are eating food and you are getting energy, but the food itself gets it through light, through sunrays, so you are not getting it from food. Food does not have its own energy source; food is deriving it from somewhere else. The food is doing only an in-between work, the work of a medium. Because you cannot absorb light directly, trees are absorbing it, and then they transform it in such a way, they compose it in such a way that you can take that energy directly. So they work as mediums - then light becomes the only source of energy. So if everything drops in the universe, light will not be affected. If everything just goes off, if the whole universe is dead, light will not be affected. The universe will still be filled with light. But if light goes off, then everything will die. Nothing can exist. This basicness of light is not only basic for science, it is basic for religion also. So now the second part: if you penetrate matter you stumble upon light. If you penetrate life you again stumble upon light. So religious mystics have always said, “We experience light, we realize light - the light within, the flame within.” All the mystics have talked this way, and it is not only symbolic. Only in this century has it become possible to say that it is not only symbolic. If matter dissolves into light, comes out of light, why not life itself? When a mystic goes deep - he is going deep in life - he stumbles upon light. This going deep in oneself means going more and more to the original source of light.So the outer light is not the only light. You have inner light also, because you cannot exist without it. It is the base. To be means to be grounded in light; there is no other being. So when you go in you are bound to come to and to realize a dimension, a realm, of light - inner light. This inner light and your life make just two layers. Your life is the outermost layer; light is a deeper layer. Your life will end in death. Unless you realize the inner light you cannot know the deathless, because your life is just a phenomenon; it is not the base. It is just a phenomenon, a wave - a wave on the ocean of light. It will go! If you can penetrate through it to the deeper realm of light you will know that which is immortal, which cannot die - because only light cannot die, only light is immortal. Everything will have to die because everything lives on derived life, borrowed life. Only light has its own life. Everything else has life borrowed from somewhere else. So one has to return it, one has to give it back. So unless you realize the inner light you will not know that which is beyond death; in a sense it is beyond death and beyond life also - only then does it become immortal. That which is born will have to die; that which is alive will be dead. So only that can be beyond death which is beyond life itself. Light is beyond life and beyond death. Whenever mystics have been talking about light they always talk about deathlessness, because the moment you enter the inner light, the source of life, you enter deathlessness.

It really doesn't take a genius to realize that nonexistence counteracts itself. By that definition you are right consciousness is reflecting on something being absent. You can call it somethingness in nothingness. That's exactly like saying Existence within non-existence. It's all the same shit for me. What is real? because in that state everything is real and unreal. Even saying "I am" or saying "this is existence" in that deep state breaks the state itself. There is absolute no self reflection and no confirmation. http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/nonexistent synonyms. Anyway just my experience, it really paid off for me to question existence itself.

I understand my friend. Ask yourself, If you wouldn’t have ever read any book and accumulated any cultural and traditional knowledge where would you be? Can one know emptiness, nothingness? I’m not calling anyone out. I’m simply suggesting exploring yourself without anothers point of view. Not to depend on any second hand content. This is reasonable is it not? It’s only in self understanding and reflection that one is unbound by the movement of time. No authority being personal or collective leads to actual emptiness. Do you see what I mean by emptying conditioned consciousness? To end all conditioned movement and content of the self. Which means the cessation of the psychological accumulation of self and its conditioned responses. To be religiously attentive to the movement of thought. And in that not carry over past experience “knowledge” and psychological memory of the i and it’s conditioned responses to the dynamic movement of the now.

Second hand knowledge my friend. Emptiness is not about accumulation. When you speak of awareness you are referring to things you have read that have been passed down through the stream of thought. The “You” is then bound by experience. This is has nothing to do with nothingness/emptiness. It’s to die to the old, to the self/thought/experience, actually. Not to accumulate a bunch of conceptualizations that thought/self/experience has put together and grasps/clings to. Emtpy, don’t add and perpetuate the conditioned consciousness. Unless you want to of course?

*note* I'm really asking Leo here and hope he has the time to answer. I'm not looking for every Joe blo's opinion from their beliefs. I'm not interested in opinions. If you really think you can answer these questions, from actual experience, and not coming from a place of feeding your Ego's importance, then yes please, I'd love to hear your wisdom. In the video, you talk abut it taking the will to give up literally everything, including the will to live, to become Enlightened / Awake. You have to 100% commit and surrender to dying. Not 99%, but 100% giving up your life totally and completely. The will to pull the trigger, but 1000 times worse, as your killing yourself over years or decades. Watching everything in your life, everything you love, all slowly die off piece by piece. Sounds like the worst misery. But, you're saying this is the only way to actually wake up. The Only way out of the suffering. The only way to ever actually feel true love for anything. But here's the problem I have. I've already died. I've stopped breathing, turned grey, lips blue, and felt the numbness and darkness envelope me. Felt my life fade away into nothingness. I got to the very very edge of forever death. And in that moment, on that edge, I said 'No, no I will not go now! I will fight with my very last bit of will to not go over that edge. I had more will than I ever have in my life to stay alive. And I did. I met death and lived. But in this video, you say the only way I can become Enlightened, to become Awake, to ever stop all the suffering, to actually experience real Love, is to go to that exact same space on the edge and say "I surrender to death". I...I, do not think I can do that. Knowing what it felt like to die, I don't think I can willfully do that to myself. Now here's my real fear, knowing that I can't willfully kill myself, I might spend the rest of my life knowing that this is the only thing there is to do with my life. Nothing, absolutely nothing, not sex, not women, not pleasure, not purpose, not companionship, not even love, or even the basic joy of being alive, absolutely nothing is going to satisfy me or bring me any kind of real happiness. Only being Awake / Enlightened / Truth / being God, will I ever experience peace. Knowing that this is possible, and never trying, will drive me mad. Always knowing its there and possible, but I'm too chicken to try, the rest of my life will be fucked. If I try and fail for decades, wasting my life, my life is fucked. If I can't summon the will to actually kill myself (which I know I can't do), then the rest of my life is fucked. I won't be able to forget this, or let it go of this, if I know that there is a chance that all the suffering can actually go away. I just don't know what to do, if I can't do what you're saying I have to do in this video. Sorry for all the reading to do, I tried to make this as succinct as possible. And thank you for any answers or insights.

@Etagnwo Most of your points are valid, besides some putting words in my mouth, and the moot points about Bentinho's personality. Additionally, trinfinityacademy.com is entirely free. I will take back "highest levels of enlightenment"... clearly you and @Anna1 have reached this ending and can be 100% certain there is no more to understand or realize.... was there a finish line? Also, awareness does have qualities -- it is aware, ever present, etc. It seems to my intuition that there would be "something" truly indescribable, beyond all concepts, unable to be spoken about. Perhaps a "Nothingness" or "Infinity", which transcends Awareness itself and sources it. Idk, could be wrong but it makes more sense to me that Ultimate Reality is "Pure Nothingness". Or maybe Ultimate Reality is awareness itself... lucky us! What do you make of deep sleep, or anesthesia. Are you still you during these times? Is there awareness? (Legitimately asking what you think). I do hope we can both agree that one (sorry not one, but awareness) can reach a ... "state" ... of Pure Consciousness, in which it just is, and is not aware of anything in particular. And all thoughts, sensory perceptions, sense of time, etc are gone and awareness is resting at its source.... It's often called The Void. What are your opinions of this?

My understanding is because non-existance by its very nature and definition means that "it doesnt exist" it applies to itself as "non-existence", leaving only the possible thing "existance" to remain. But the emptiness is full of non-existent and existent information, that's what I meant. Everything that is not within your awareness is non-existent to you. If i showed a beautiful picture to a blind man, does it exist for him or not? Non-existence could also be used as a word for emptiness, no self, nothingness. it's just another label or word like the rest of them. The true self reveals itself when all sensory and mind activity has stopped yet there is an intense focus in the present moment or existence. Anyway my biggest breakthrough was focusing on existence and non-existence at the same time, as in trying to verify what existence is, if its real, and i was intensely focusing on that point and suddenly I felt my whole body dissolve away and my mind activity stopped and I was overcome with powerful energy. Words can't express it, it was the first time i felt something like that and it was a big deal for me because i don't do any drugs or substances so I am always as sober as heck and reality always feels as real as real can get (very grounded) so its extremely hard to enter these blissful states and noself states for me. But it feels good to get glimpses of what is potentially there. By the way I watched your lastest blog video and pretty much agreeing with everything you say, its almost the same as my own experience, I forgot to mention before my body dissolved away I was getting intense energy of death approaching almost like a panic attack and I actually remember I was surrendering to die and letting go of all the precious things to me, it wasn't like I was mentally letting go but more like i was dying, entering oblivion and leaving all these things behind, fortunately I don't have much to give up, makes it easier to surrender lol.

There is no such thing as non-existence, only existence. Non-existence is a concept existing in your mind. Consciousness, existence, and Nothingness are all the same thing, but this "Nothingness" is not non-existence, it is existence. Existence is, and it is empty. Then it can get filled with all kinds of forms, one of which is the concept of non-existence. Existence has no opposite. It only feels like it does because the ego-mind creates a conceptual "should", telling itself, "But why doesn't X exist?" But that is existence! "Non-existence" exists within existence.