WaterfallMachine

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About WaterfallMachine

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    Lesser Chimp
  • Birthday 04/10/2001

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  1. Ah yes, putting something into words can be very powerful. People say actions speak louder than words, but without words, the towers of literature, of science, of personal development, of politics and of nearly everything in life couldn’t be communicated. It’s like being mute and not being able to say a word, but to put it into words, it finally seems to exist in the world — not just to others, but to you yourself. Understanding is a kind of change in itself.
  2. Ah yes, it’s scary to be yourself. I’ve had problems with being open like that too, and the possibility and instances of rejection broke my heart many times. To deal with fears, you need to take smaller steps. First, you need to achieve some acceptance towards yourself before looking for acceptance from others. You don’t need to do completely, as some stages of acceptance really require help from other people, but enough to ease you in to the process. To accept, you need to be aware of your intentions, your thoughts, your emotions and what goals you really care most about in your life. Sometimes when you look for approval, you think you know what you want but you actually are mistaking other’s desires for yours. The next stage would be to have self compassion for yourself through things like self compassion meditation or exercises. The next step is to find the easiest person or place to open up to. I think it’d be a good idea to research attachment theory if you haven’t so already for this. If you can trust just at least one person deeply — in real life or even online, then it’d be easier to trust people outside of those areas. Take care.
  3. Mbti doesn’t tell you everything, of course. Seeing mbti as something that “boxes” you in is a misunderstanding of it. It’s meant to be a guideline, not a crystal ball, and anyone who uses it to stereotype people is giving it a bad name. Other people have explained it well to you enough, and if you explore this forum, there’ll be other threads discussing the same issue. I recommend the site Personality Junkie and Personality Hacker for personal development using mbti. So like you ask, I thought I’d offer you a comprehensive story of my experience with it. —— I’ve used mbti for a few years for personal development. Around 2-3 years now that I think about it. I was a pretty obvious INTP the first time I’ve taken the test, fitting many of the criteria too well. INTPs have dominant Ti and auxiliary Ne. Dom Ti, for simplicity’s sake, is a focus on accuracy of beliefs and truth, often lending itself a value on wisdom in personal development. Aux Ne is a focus on the big picture of several possiblities at once. To find the truth, I had to explore the possibilites first, and aux Ne wasn’t something I had well. I developed it through brainstorming, finding novel interests and new situations, and I found insights I never had before. I was terrified of them, and still was, but I managed to learn an important lesson. I couldn’t find my own truth without exploring the possiblites around it, and I’d need as many perspectives as possible. It taught me a sense of optimism, of risk taking and of hope. I slowly began on the next function which was Tertiary Si, which is a focus on past memories and details. As I explored possibilities, I realized I made the same mistakes over and over I could only heal by focusing on the past. With Ne, I found more options, but without Si, I couldn’t stick to the details to implement these ideas in my actual life. I found it excruciatingly mundane to do so — but I managed to find discipline and practicality in my life. I still need adjustments to it at times though. Last is inferior Fe which is a focus on the emotional values of other people. I think of it as the most excruciatingly embarassing, terrifying and uncomfortable development I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve wondered around wondering why I couldn’t figure out wisdom by thinking anymore, and somehow I realized some wisdom can only be learned by feeling. I’ve learned to empathize, open up emotionally and use the insights I’ve learned from Ti, Ne and Si to share to others. I’m still working on it — and it’s . . .something I rather avoid, but somehow I keep coming back whenever I spend time ignoring these issues. I’m not as much as an obvious INTP as before now that I’ve balanced my traits somewhat. ..Eh, life can be weird. I’d give you that.
  4. Did you ever watch Leo’s video on paradigms? If not — I suggest you watch it. But to put it simply — there are different schools of thought in healing emotionally, and to only use one of these schools of thought is limiting. Thoughts must be changed. But emotions also need to be accepted. Both have to heal this way to change. Affirmations focus on changing thoughts, as well as cognitive behavioral therapy and every positive thinking tool. But practices like meditation, yoga, parenting the inner child or the creative arts focus on accepting emotions. Western practices often focus on thought change. Eastern practices often focus on emotional acceptance.
  5. Maybe it’d be easier to type down your ideas rather than a physical notebook. When ideas are attached to a computer — you can’t really move it around to lose it that easily. And with mobile tablets or phones — the part that it’s pricey makes it more likely that you’ll focus on not losing them. I’ve found probably hundreds of blogs through my personal development, but James Clear always seem to have had the best advice on discipline. https://jamesclear.com/behavioral-psychology https://jamesclear.com/habits https://jamesclear.com/motivation https://jamesclear.com/procrastination
  6. Yes, I can relate to seeing it similarly that way before. It can really be frustrating. To change others, both parties must be willing. To change others beliefs logically — you have to find the root cause of what makes them have disbelief towards your ideas — that you can only figure out by listening to them. As well as provide the ideas to replace these beliefs simply enough — since people resist the more effort it takes to understand. To change others emotionally — you have to be able to figure out whether they need more toughening or nurturing — then take this into account in action. You already know about toughening but there’s another side to the coin. Some people change their minds more when they’re communicated the issue slowly, gently, preventing them from running away from the issue entirely — especially when they’re already hard on themselves in other parts of their lives. . .Many people think more rationally when they’re calmer, and a state like that can be reached when they’re given ample time to be listened to, to have their emotions validated and so on. Yeah, it’s complicated. I have trouble with it too.
  7. I am not expecting much from strangers. That's why I said it was simply a suggestion. I didn't want to force people to learn this for something they're not payed for. So I emphasized their choice. There was a possibility that someone would change their ways here so I posted a thread on it even if not everyone like this would bother. Anyway, for the others on this thread, thank you for your insights. I'll go ponder on it myself.
  8. Interesting. I thought of this concept myself but changed my mind on putting it. In my opinion, you don't teach someone by limiting the information and expecting them to figure it out. It's laying down all the available sides of information and telling them to treat that as a guideline. It's like giving people different successful maps to finding treasure. They're all different but they are similar in certain ways that can act as a clue. The goal was never to copy a map to a different piece of treasure that other people already found but to treat all that as a guide to create your own map. The natural lack of your own map is already a training to thinking for yourself — rather than removing all the guide maps or to rip different parts out of the guide maps. This is because from studying the science and art of creativity — I've learned original ideas often don't come in isolation. They come from inspiration from other ideas. Einstein could only create the original idea of the theory of relativity because of the basic physics already created. Shakespeare could only create his own original writings because it was founded on the idea of the English language in the first place. Though, on the other hand, it also could be a matter of context like you said. It'd be still useful to allow the people to think for themselves even without any guidelines. Guidelines carry with them certain assumptions that can be hard to remove. Think of the openness of a child compared to a more cynical adult. So it'd be useful to to allow people to figure things out themselves and form ideas without preconceived notions. Then only after — guides can be given.
  9. What is with people here? One of the key guidelines to advising is knowing what it's like to not know what you know. Imagine not knowing anything about personal development. Nothing about meditation. Nothing about mindset. Nothing about discipline. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Then you get odd ideas like, "You are the universe." "In a deeper level, you know everything." "Your ego is just making you think you are superior or inferior when actually everyone is equal." You'd think, "The fuck. What is this mambo jumbo bullshit?" Even if you knew some background into this and was open — new information you find isn't going to help you much. This is the kind of stuff that makes people so skeptical of ideas like spirituality. It's too vague. Dig up some examples. Sprinkle some analogies. Throw in some methods to realize this. Chop up their worldviews with arguments. Splash in some quotes from someone who explains it with more quality. Muse on a damn story. Draw a line around the boundaries with a definition. Anything other than a sentence with barely enough explanation. The ideal is to have people know something both in an abstract level as well as a concrete level. I'm not telling you that you have to do this. Everyone has a different style of advising and you're free to do what you want — I'm just suggesting another perspective. If you have any objections or criticisms, feel free to tell me. Which means : Abstract level." It allows an understanding of the theory. 1. Plan English. "Enlightenment is oneness without being similar." It provides a direct to the point statement when needed. Useful for clearing up misunderstandings. But many people overuse this to the point of being too vague. 2. Analogies allow some deeper understanding of the theory. "Enlightenment is like a carpet. It has different shapes and colors inside it but they are all part of the same carpet." 3. Definitions. "Enlightenment is nothingness. Not the nothingness of pure black. Or something empty. It's not the word or the idea of nothingness. It's just nothingness." It allows a more precise understanding of what we're talking about here. Some people talk about the same words but not the same ideas. Concrete level It allows understanding of the practical side of this. 1. Examples allow you to see the idea in everyday life. "Look at a book. When you remove the ideas around it — its history, your memories, what the use of a book is, its cultural ideas and your ideas of what to do with it in the future. Remove that. Just see the book with pure seeing." 2. Methods. Needed for obvious reasons. Something like Leo's Practical Guide to Enlightenment on the Meditation forum. If I remember correctly, it goes like this, "Who are you?" "Who are you?" "No — who the fuck are you?!" The different questions are the methods. He also provides some tips arnd warnings. 3. Stories. This provides some emotional influence with the reader. What's more inspiring and motivating? A scientific study on growth mindset? Or a story about a man struck in poverty and finding the hope to make a living for his family? Objective information allows for the right decisions, but feelings are what motivates to go towards these decisions. ----- I based it from this. https://betterexplained.com/articles/adept-method/ Yes, it's for math. ADEPT technique. Analogies. Diagram. Example. Plain English. Technical. Somewhere sooner or later as a STEM student, I realized this could also be used for science concepts that didn't use math. Then I realized it could be used for ideas like history or politics. One day I thought it could be used to understand and teach personal development. Just change the technical to not the mathematical definiton or equation to a definiton about the life concept. And change the diagram of it to a life advice context picture. And boom. Eureka!
  10. Haha. I used to have the same bad habit too and I still do at times. Knowledge made me feel safe — I thought the answer to all life's problems was just knowing enough to solve it. I remember being high strung in the middle of a car ride. My legs shaking from the nervous energy. My breath quick and my eyes flitting around wondering what to do. I kept thinking and thinking. But then there was the sunset. The glorious red and orange colors taking a rest for the day. Rather than huched back, I leaned on the leather seat in relief. I watched in quietness as night came, the buildings and the people went by. It was a stillness. A calm. A tranquility. I thought I could only be happy and safe if I was thinking. But it seemed — there were insights you could find only by being there without thinking a thing in the world. ---------- You have to figure out the specific reasons why you're so scared. Ask why? Then after asking why, ask why are you doing it really? Keep going — even for repeated practice on days — until you find that there's nothing more to find. Awareness diffuses the fear. After all — It might not just be the environment around you that needs clarity. It could be to clear up the confusion of what's going on inside you too. People doing this exercise find that that they realize a lot of unexpected motivations inside themselves. Another thing is finding ways to relax that don't require much information gathering or much thinking. Something physical — like exercise. Maybe something mentally light like listening to instrumental music. The more you become comfortable with not knowing, the easier this becomes. Many people who find comfort with thinking too much are people who don't take enough action. When they learn too much by getting inside their heads, they don't learn enough by real world experience. They fear the real world but the only way to be really certain of things is to try it yourself and see what happens. That's how you gain the confidence to live without constantly thinking.
  11. I remember reading a book called Essentialism by Greg Mckeon. It was a book on the art of focusing on what's essential in life and cutting up all the unnecessary parts of it. One was to to take time to think. I remember in another book there was a team focusing on finding a way to deal with traffic. They discussed it among themselves. They planned for it. They organized for it. They gathered the materials and people needed. They expanded the road so more cars could pass. But seeing this, people just bought more cars and even more people drove. And traffic was the same as before. They acted on it well. But what about their thinking on it? Their ideas of what the root causes of the problem are? It wasn't as solid as their action. Efficiency without thinking of the accuracy of their beliefs about the situation was faulty. And that is what caused them to fail. I remember watching some kind of drama as a child. It told a story of a man who was shy and nervous around a girl he liked. And wanting this — he took up guitar and singing. The ladies love the guitar guy, right? Later on, he was able to get famous. It was utterly fantastic he thought. But the drone of being a star began turning more and more monotone and routine. One day, he watched the girl he liked pass by the street laughing with another man. He realized with a pain in his heart that he has forgotten the reason of why he has done this in the first place. So without thinking of what you care about, what is meaningful and what is valuable to you — not society — you can't direct yourself well. And you cannot realize this with only action — reflection on how you act is needed too. In the Art of Thinking Clearly by Rolf Dobelli, a book on common thinking errors, he emphasizes the bias of action. Some people think that acting more and more means they accomplish more. But like the people solving traffic there, they could need more thinking. Or like a leisurely gardener waiting for the plants to grow after watering them — all what's needed is patience . So enjoy thinking. Long as you don't make it into overthinking — you'll learn a lot.
  12. It's an addiction. It's like the craving a once addicted smoker has after a few months of not smoking. They feel the craving whenever they see someone else smoking cigarette. Their thoughts wander around to it when they're lying down exhausted on their bed. They eye cigarettes in a store but push themselves to rush past it. That's what it's like for me with lying. Life has been going smoothly for me these past few months — But I've gotten back to being depressed. So much work has been piling up lately. My confidence to handle it goes down. Then my confidence in life in general starts withering. And so I end up thinking about this again. It's been several months since I've been on lying sprees. I lied because I wanted praise. I lied because I believed without accomplishments — you were worthless and a loser. People currently around me are supportive but I have this irrational suspicion that because I'm no longer lying — no one really accepts me. Yes, I know that's the stress talking. But what do I do about it? I've been slowly practicing being vulnerable for more than a year but it seems too hard, too slow, and it takes so much effort to put my full trust even with people I'm close to even if they're affirming. I can't seem to admit this in full detail in real life (I only lied bragging on the internet). I'm ashamed. But I seem to at least be able to ask help here. Please, I don't want to go back. But I can't stop thinking about it.
  13. @Joseph Maynor @Nahm Thanks for the descriptions. Unfortunately, I've been going through one of those ripping out identity sequences again a day after I posted this and I'm still stuck with it. Damn. Here we go again. . .
  14. What is this? Is this related to the mindfulness or what? I had this big acceleration of the feeling of peacefulness one day. I can't explain it perfectly enough —but I experienced that all meaning in life is just made by the human mind. But instead of creating a feeling of emptiness — it allowed a freedom to what I wanted to do in my life. It's not perfectly sustained — sometimes I have to work to get it back. But it sticks around more— even for hours straight. After that — I notice I eat less — sometimes I even skip breakfast without feeling that hungry. And when I do eat breakfast — it tends to be smaller portions. The food throughout the day is in smaller portions too. I sleep less — often 7 hours a day or even less at times and for most of the next day, I feel alert. Though, with the exception of spending too much time with people — lots of work needs to be done in teams these days where I am — but even with that amount, it still seems to have more energy than before. I had this experience recently that lasted for a day — that involved tearing through most of my life's assumptions of how great I was in one painful ripping. I fell asleep exhausted for more than 2 hours. After a certain point — everything just seemed different. . . Usually when I get to states like this, it shocks me. Depresses me. Terrifies me. Disturbs me. Disgusts me. Angers me. But instead of that I just got . . . used to it. What happened?
  15. @Ryan_047 No money for therapy? I had a similar lack of access to therapy when I was depressed. Check out 7 Cups of Tea. A site with free volunteer listeners. They're trained by the 7 cups site with courses on different problems such as — relationship problems, social anxiety, depression, etc. They are not as good as actual therapists — but many of them have went through similar problems with their mental health themselves and many have good advice on dealing with that. They're also very warm — I distrusted everybody when I was depressed. I had this belief if everyone knew the real me — they'd abandon me. Think of me as weak. I was constantly fearing what they would think of me. But I was able to trust them. There are free sites online with different instructions for treatments. I've tried muscle progression relaxation, hypnosis, cognitive behavioral therapy exercises, mindfulness and meditation, physical exercise (research say they boost mood), going outside in nature more (research also says this boosts mood), gratitude exercises, awe walks, research on positive psychology, Enneagram (A study of the types of fears, anger and shame we have in life and how to deal with them in a healthy manner. ), VIA Strengths test (Knowing and using strengths in daily life boost confidence and sense of control) or happiness psychology on free sites like Coursera and so on. Its best done with a therapist sure — but the internet is full of vast information to help you. Even if you have a therapist — you often only meet him or her once a week. Most of the time spent through the days is done without one and you'd have to learn how to survive without one. There are many experienced practioners like actual therapists and psychologists who give out their advice online — so there's still room for help even without paying for one. I recommend you this site to start with. Good luck. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ Also VIA Strengths seem especially useful for confidence. https://www.viacharacter.org/www/ Enneagram also seems very useful for dealing with the trauma @Mad Max mentions. Here are the descriptions of the types. https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/ As well as a free email subscription with short reflections, lessons and practices for everyday for enneagram. https://subscriptions.enneagraminstitute.com/subscribers/create Scott Jeffrey's article series on Alchemical Transformation seems useful for treatment. His Shadow Work article is the best one I've found. https://scottjeffrey.com/guides/