Search the Community

The purpose of this thread is to describe the nondual breakthroughs that I had on LSD on Saturday, April 11, 2020. I am going to film a video of myself explaining what happened to me with video clips of me (as God) trying to articulate the experience during the peak. I will post the video when it is uploaded to YouTube...it may take a few days to get it right. Attached is: A picture of a tree that I took while tripping and a picture of the cards that I pulled from my Tarot deck after asking "Should I trip today?" (the answer is a clear Yes!) I woke up at 9am and was getting very strong signs to do LSD in the forest beside my house. I had been reading "The Universe is a Dream" by Alex Marchand and "The Religion of Tomorrow" by Ken Wilber. My mind was very prepared to have a nondual breakthrough. I had been doing lots of self-inquiry and meditation as well. I packed a bag full of snacks and things to last me the day in the forest. Dressed very warm. And started heading to my desired location without any food in my stomach. I put 1 tab (not a precise dosage, could've been anywhere between 100ug and 200ug) of LSD under my tongue, left it there for about 10 minutes, and then swallowed the tab. As I was waiting for the effects to come on, I found a nice place to sit and meditate. I felt very calm, relaxed, and excited for what was about to come. After about 20 minutes of meditation, I began staring at a large tree in front of me and was trying to have insight into "What is it?" Just as with any contemplation, I was trying very hard to use my direct experience as guidance and to avoid philosophizing. Of course, as you look at the tree for a while, you start to wonder who is the one doing the looking? I tried to train my awareness on the fact that there is no difference between subject and object. The category of "subject" and "object" is clearly a fantasy, so I was just trying to be as aware of this fact as possible. As the effects were getting stronger, I felt a very powerful heart-opening experience. Suddenly, I was very conscious of my chest area and was breathing very deeply and fully into the heart area. My body buzzed with energy. I trained my consciousness on my heart area and realized how my heart-space is an infinite Void. As I breathed very deeply and fully into my chest, I was becoming more and more aware that the space that is in my chest is made of Pure Nothingness. This means that it can go inwards forever. Infinitely deep. It is possible for you to become aware, right now, that the space in your heart (especially when breathed into) expands Infinitely Deep (inwards) and also expands outwards forever. At this point, it is blatantly obvious that my entire sensory field is made up of this same Empty Space. We call it "Consciousness." What's so cool about this Pure Emptiness is that it is also Perfectly Full as it is made of itself. "Everything is Consciousness," I say to myself with a giant smile. It feels really really good at this point. The Empty Space in my heart permeates the entire sensory field (as it always has since Emptiness cannot be localized) and I feel Divine Love and Awe for the profundity of the present moment. It's important to clarify that the actual CONTENT of my experience barely changed. The trees, the little stream beside me, the sky, all looked pretty much the same. There were slight visual effects that made everything seem wavy and patterned. When you are in a mystical state, the CONTENT of the forms will probably look the same. But, you have a direct understanding of what the forms actually are (Pure Consciousness). At this point, I am only about 45 minutes into my trip. I had no clue what was coming for me. I felt a lot of energy as if I was a young child again. All I wanted to do was run around, play, and explore the beautiful forest that I was in. (which is made of Me) As I was exploring the forest, the thoughts were very contemplative. I was always trying to direct my attention to the present moment so that I can gain insight into what the present moment actually is. I sat in gorgeous patches of flowers with the sun shining through the trees. It was surreal. Everything is profound. Now is when it starts to get nondual. I just finished reading "The Universe is a Dream" by Alex Marchand and I was very conscious of my own tendency to project guiltiness onto others. A Course in Miracles talks about Forgiveness as a direct path to realizing your True Nature (as God). So, for the week leading up to this trip, I had been practicing forgiving myself and others for all the things that make me angry, sad, or emotionally triggered in any way. The forgiveness that I am talking about is not the typical forgiveness that we are familiar with. "You have done something wrong, but I'll forgive you anyway." True Forgiveness is about consciousness. "I am aware that your existence is a projection of my mind. I understand that the present moment is all that exists and that you were never separate from me. Therefore, I forgive you. You could never be guilty of anything. I forgive you. I fully accept you. I embrace you exactly as you are. I LOVE YOU! (because you're literally me)." The nondual breakthrough was triggered by fully forgiving MYSELF for anything that I have ever done "wrong." All of us carry "guilt" with us. Guilt is the belief that you are imperfect. Guilt is the belief that you are separate from God. Guilt is the belief that you are vulnerable, limited, bound by time and space, unworthy, even evil or bad. So, I tried to find a part of myself that I hated, despised, or disowned. I thought of myself getting into trouble as a young boy and being forced to sit in the principal's office. In the principal's office, I had to sit there and think about all of the things that I have "done wrong" because I was a "bad boy." There was a part of me that actually thought I was a bad boy and that I was guilty of "doing something wrong." BUT! There was also a part of me that KNEW, that I was INNOCENT! This thought actually began to trigger a nondual awakening within my consciousness. I realized that my TRUE NATURE was the Timeless Self. Pure Nothingness. Pure Love. Pure Innocence. Pure Being. I started screaming I AM INNOCENT! I AM INNOCENT! I AM INNOCENT! What was so astounding and so powerful was just HOW INNOCENT I truly am. I realized that I could commit mass genocide, and still be as innocent as a newborn baby. My true nature is PURE INNOCENCE. Untouched, Untainted Awareness. One without a second. Purity. I could rape and pillage millions of families and not even acquire a scratch of guilt on the perfect jewel that is my Innocence. Just the idea that I could ever do anything "bad" or "wrong" made me die of laughter. "I" actually died of laughter. Pure Bliss swept my heart and I experienced what the sages call "Unconditional Love." This literally means that if I was able to meet Adolf Hitler during WWII, I would give him a big wet kiss. What a perfectly innocent and beautiful manifestation of God. Made of Me! Self Love. My Self is Pure Being, Infinity and Nothingness at once. The Entire Kosmos. And Love is the totally self-less embrace of ME. So Self Love can also be phrased as "Universal Embrace" or Selfless Love True love can only be experienced by Form-less Being. This is because having one particular form (like a human body) comes with the side-effect of having an ego. Therefore, anything that threatens my ability to continue being a formed thing, a separate self, will feel the wrath of my hatred, rejection, and repression. Luckily, I am a perfect Formless Being. Pure Awareness. Being so Pure and Formless, I have the total freedom to take any form that I want. After all, the mechanism of creation is Pure Thought. If I can imagine it, it exists. The Universe is created by God (Nothing, Me) making DISTINCTIONS (which are made of Nothing and grounded in Nothing) within myself. I laugh when it is said that proclaiming yourself to be God is "egoic, selfish, or arrogant." It's literally the exact opposite XD. Being aware of your True Self takes ultimate selflessness! Pure detachment! Pure Innocence! Pure humbleness! The best part is that YOU ARE GOD! Hello! Hi! You wrote this post! The formless witness that I am, IS THE EXACT SAME FORMLESS WITNESS THAT IS IN YOU!!! That's why hating another is always a form of self-hatred. Rejection of YOURSELF! Imagine a newborn baby. So Pure and Innocent. It hasn't even made a distinction yet in its mind. Let alone the distinction between "good" and "evil." It is very difficult to HATE a newborn baby because it is such a Pure Manifestation of Being. Pure Awareness. But now, remember, that as the baby grows older, it will always be Pure Awareness. Perfectly innocent. There may appear to be a veil of selfishness, egotism, greed, evil, that develops as the baby grows into an adult. But, remember always, that is a projection of your own selfishness! The baby has always been Completely and Totally Innocent. Even if that baby grew up to be Adolf Hitler, its Innocence would remain untouched. Now realize that all "bad" or "evil" things are a projection of your own self-hatred! (rejecting a part of yourself) Your seperate-ness is projected onto the world and onto other people. A sage who has purified himself of his own selfishness sees with Christ-Consciousness. Unconditional Love for all Beings. Because all of Being is an equal manifestation of your Supreme Self. You are the Imperishable One! Nothing "good" or "bad" has ever happened to you or anyone. How could Pure Nothingness ever be affected by anything? IT IS EVERYTHING ALREADY! At this point, my body was overwhelmed with Power, Freedom, and Love. I jumped up and down and screamed like a monkey. I smashed sticks against trees as hard as I could. Why? Just for fun. There's nothing else to do here in this present moment except for Realizing Who You Are and having fun with it! Other insights from this awakening: I AM! (this is the highest and most important insight because it captures the essence of nonduality) Self-realization is forgiving everything that you hate… The awareness in me is the same awareness in you! How do I know? It's what I am! I see you! Consciousness cannot be mainstreamed because pure innocence is fertile soil for the projection of guilt. Pure innocence is true authenticity. For me to be fully authentic, I would have to be conscious of my true nature as God! But, although I am totally selfless, it is very easy for ego's to unconsciously project their own guilt, arrogance, and ignorance upon me. Check out many of the negative comments under Leo's "I am God" videos. Thankfully, this projection makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. Because I am conscious that I am the only One who is projecting (onto myself)! Consciousness is powerful (absolute freedom). Dangerous for the established social systems because it sledgehammers rigid belief systems. The Heart is the Seat of the Soul. It appears as if the source of awareness is right at the very center of your being, the heart. Live from this place! "A distinction" is a distinction. I was still peaking as I began to continue walking through the forest. It was a beautiful day and other people were out walking as well. I was in a very vulnerable state and was afraid of making eye-contact with people. Whenever I walked by someone, I felt such a strong urge to look them in the eyes so that I could share my Love. But, each time, I was afraid of being judged by them. I must have walked by 10 different people and each time I was super awkward about walking by them. It was a good time to contemplate "What is an other?" Finally, I wanted to make eye contact with the last person I passed. It was a father with a baby on his shoulders. As I walked by, I awkwardly smiled at them. I looked up at the baby and made strong eye contact with him. "How's the view up there?" I asked jokingly. The baby and I locked eye contact. At this moment, I realized instantly that I was looking directly in the mirror. The baby's gaze was totally pure and free of self-judgment of any kind. I was staring into my own eyes. I recognized myself instantly and he recognized me (which is the same). I kept walking and came to a wide-open field where I was able to relax and enjoy my elevated consciousness for the next few hours. I called my friend on the phone who has also had nondual experiences and my friend realized that he was getting a phone call from God. It was awesome. Occasionally, if I wanted to experience ultimate rapture, I would train my awareness on my own Purity. I would remember how Innocent I am. Instantly I would fall to the floor and scream and laugh hysterically. I'd fall on my back with my legs over my head and die of laughter. I would literally perish in my own innocence. In my bag, I had packed with me one very small book. I had never even read this book before, but something told me to bring it with me. At this point, I took the book out and opened it. "The Spiritual Teaching of Ramana Maharshi" published by Shambala Pocket Library. I'll leave you with some extremely powerful excerpts that took my trip to a whole new level. Reading these words as God for the first time (even though I wrote them) was one of the peak experiences of my entire life. Let these words echo in your consciousness: Questioner : How can I attain Self- realization? Ramana Maharshi : Realization is nothing to be gained afresh; it is already there. All that is necessary is to get rid of the thought `I have not realized'. Stillness or peace is realization. There is no moment when the Self is not. So long as there is doubt or the feeling of non-realization, the attempt should be made to rid oneself of these thoughts. There's a lot more: https://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/beasyouare.html This is not the exact dialogue. I believe the full dialogue can be found in the book "Be as You Are." However, I just stumbled upon this beautiful synthesis of the teachings. The essence is the same. Thanks for reading! Hopefully this inspires you to remember Who You Are!

Consciousness is of course you, and infinite. What is infinite can not lose nor gain. You, consciousness, is the experience of this, but also is fooled by the experience. When you believe consciousness, awareness, is something other than you, it seems there are levels of “it” in relation to ‘you’.. Precisely as there are not-two, you are not actually experiencing high & low awareness. Intelligence in the body is experienced (ah ha’s), then the claiming of it occurs again, via the fore mentioned dualistic belief. Consciousness creates (is) experience, of itself, by itself, for itself, and thus veils itself with it self, as the activity of thinking. “Super self conscious” would be no mind, samadhi, rather than self referential thinking. Consider self=consciousness, rather than a separate self who is “self conscious”. Those are only thoughts. You are not-two. The thought activity, as well as the activities you’re doing willfully (but claiming are low conscious) are intentionally veiling yourself, from feeling & knowing the love & truth you actually are. It can’t be said to be a “problem”, as it’s what you’re choosing. As you said, this has already been seen. That bucket is not holding water. You’re just trying to hang on to insights. Log them in an electronic journal of some sort, remain empty. The flow of insights will resume, and due to the feeling of it, you will experienced the miracle, the rockin of the path, and will have no inclinations to personify ego, consciousness, insights, awareness, etc. Presence is simply being without voluntary thinking, on behalf of the indirectly created ‘separate self’. This is precisely what is desired. It is desire “itself”, ever-known. Express, rather than conceptualize. Any expressive interest or activity will do. You can not forget on purpose. You can let thinking go. Memory is just sexier, more enticing thinking. It adds to the experience. Give’s it depth, and kind of an added ‘bonus’ game imo. There’s no being less or being more. There is being you as you are, or ruminating in self referential thought to suppress the body & mind from releasing, and love, passion, understanding & compassion arising. Welcome the full experience of feeling. Explore every square millimeter of it. There are some clever twists and turns, such as the lasting joy lying prior to sadness & sorrow, and bliss lying prior to anger. (You had to make it somehow or this experience would be lame). Express and release, all you want is truly within, not without... you be like this, effortlessly ruling your galaxy all day long. You’re believing oil & water mix there, with the desire & fear. They won’t, which is exactly what you are experiencing & discovering. You’re creating fear, so you can’t possibly integrate it. I would contemplate what “integrate” actually means to you. What “second thing” do you figure you’re integrating? Where exactly are you believing fear is coming from? If you’re going to believe in believing, at least make it love, or empowerment. I’d let go so the real deal can fill ya up. Just an opinion though. You might find there is but one source, and it neither contains nor offers, fear. Trust in yourself, only, believe in yourself, only. The sounds point, the entity is you. There is a paradigm of trust at play, veiling what you are wishing would arise & transpire. You’re making up the idea consciousness is coming from someone which you are making up, and you’re believing your own story. I’d so no biggie, but you are suffering and not seeing how you’re creating, and I’m convinced you’re interested in seeing how. (Just reminding you, as again, you said you experience pure consciousness, you, already) Fine line between helping you see that, and more “levels” and an “education” needed so you can reach yourself, which you already of course, and actually know you are. In this way, by your own choice, you are literally creating the very “frustrating exhales”, the veiling, you desire to be without. Creating the very resistance that simply does not resonate. You might be “hypnotized” as you say, and on the rollercoaster, but you indeed are creating & choosing it. There isn’t, and it doesn’t. That “it” does, is a thought. Solidity never happens. It’s you appearing to yourself as yourself. You & I and every other, experience one single thought at a time by design. There is not a “huge schematic of thoughts”, that is a thought. Believing it, or not. To avoid feeling, you’re creating outrageous models of what thought is, which has led you to create the belief the feeling is separate. It is not. What lies ahead is not known, but is you - not knowing, so it doesn’t matter ultimately...just appears to. Drop notions like “hardened thoughts” asap. That’s one thought, about “hardened thoughts”. That trunk is connected. So connected in fact, there are, not-two. Knowledge is not overridden, it is overriding, but you are choose it to. Let it go. It is never coming. Ever. Nor is anyone else ever coming, who could give it to you. Enjoy the hide and seek, until you don’t anymore, then start doing the inspecting, so you understand what’s going on here (‘in’ direct experience) Just start. Write out the absolute smallest step you could do each day. Seeing it linearly like that changes everything. What once appeared big, challenging, and difficult...is revealed to be within your control, enjoyable, and even effortless. A dreamboard is a hell of a way to experince yourself. TLDR: Put “progress” as a higher priority than enjoying this moment, and life will not make sense.

@lostmedstudent Positive and negative visualization can go very deep and can be very powerful when used consistently. Before I started using psychedelics for my development this was my most used tool for shadow work. Essentially I treat it as a meditation, usually between 30 minutes to an hour. The primary difference is that I choose a theme of myself to explore. For example if I had a fear regarding something whatever it may be I would visualize the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen in relation to that fear happening. I would basically visualize the absolute darkest and lowest point I could regarding that fear and just sit there with all of the images that the mind brings up. If you go deep enough this can be terrifying. However I will then switch to positive visualization in relation to the particular fear. I will visualize the most beautiful, liberating and loving things I possibly can about whatever it is i'm focusing on. If you go deep enough you can come to intense bliss. As I reach the absolute most beautiful, and heavenly visualizations I possibly can in relation to overcoming and working through that fear I just sit there with it. I will sit there in both the positive and negative states until I feel I am ready to switch. I do this process of cycling between positive and negative until I am completely ok with whatever comes up. I do it until the images of heaven and hell no longer move me. And once i'm ok with everything that arises then I bring the visualization to a close. It took me a while to get used to it but it has helped me to clear up a lot of my shadows. Regarding psychedelics, I have "died", (had the experience of ego death) a few times in deep psychedelic trips and I just want to let you know that those experiences are only scary if you hold on to something. If you truly let go and are ok with being totally annihilated you'll instantly be plunged into a sea of bliss and infinite beauty. You will feel freedom and awe beyond words. That is how my deeper trips have been. This may sound crazy but these substances and the experiences they produce have a kind of "intelligence" to them. They will look out for you if you respect them. If you take them with the purpose of inner development they will know that, and they will show you exactly what you need for your highest growth and development in life. As long as you let go and know that it is all always ok, you will be fine.

Recently i found a technique to reach a state i cannot label so i ll let you interpret it. Description: A state of being pure formless and bliss in which i felt like nothing could harm me for the first time in my life. At 7pm(Romania/12amChicagotime) today i rolled myself a doobie(predominantly sativa) with the thought of practicing the new technique i ve been working on. Smoked it and i lay down on my bed with a Christ on the cross like posture..both arms resting on the bed(palms up), put my headphones on and play random binaural beats astral projetion video you find on YT. As soon as the weed kick in i start focusing on erasing every thought as soon as it pops up until until i get to a calm state where the only thought that i had was a white wall. Soon after i spent a couple of minutes on this state i start focusing on the feelings i felt at the moment in the body(note: i havent labeled these feelings or where are they situated in my body..i was just observing whats happening to me) until i get to a point where i notice that each of these feelings are disappearing one by one. Few more minutes later i felt how my arms are just fading, there wasnt any feeling actually and went along with it until my legs followed up and my butt and then all of my body, but all these transitions were so smooth that ive noticed that i don t have a form just after it happened. Yes, you heard me right. Formless. I dont really know how to discribe this but i was like nothing that could be anything. There was a moment when being with the eyes closed and having not being aware that i still had eyelids, some shines got into my pupils. An observation that i made at the time it was that the thoughts that were just flying in void were taking form and shapes and forms because of the patterns of light screening on my eyelids. I wasn't the one responsible for closing or opening my eyes because at that point i had no controls whatsoerver over my body. I remembered then the topic of Free will vs determinism that Leo broke down and then realizing that all of those thoughts were brought up to surface in the same time as the eyelids were making their uncontrolled movement. The thoughts were just interpretation and projection of the movement my body already did by itself. A few more moments after that, my blood pressure got stable in the whole body, it was like there was no barrier at all between me and everything. All felt right and nothing felt wrong. I felt like i could be a rock, or a wall or a piece of land or a tree and that i could stay like that forever without any resentment. If you know the feeling just before you re about to run unconscious in sleep mode. The feeling of stillnes and bliss and sweetness. You can picture the state that i was just like that with the difference that the thoughts that were floating in void were aligning somehow in a logical order and i was still able to be councious of what i am. But it was like every idea that i had it felt right, nothing like the normal state where the ego opposes resistance to many of the ideas i have. Now, why did i told you all this story is that one of the beliefs this body holds right now is that the STATE that i was in today (formlessness where all of the thoughts were just results of all the memory/karma this form acquired for 22 years) might be for you a source of pure inspiration, a muse as it was called in ancient times and you might find an idea that can be useful for your journey in life. In the end, if you do try this and works please leave a comment with your experience here, i would love to learn more about it. Thanks for reading! Love you all!

It is real and unreal. There is only freedom. This is it, whatever is is it. The feeling that this isn't it, is it. If there is a story that awakening is some grand event, a prolonged state of bliss, that is just a story. There is no where to go, this is complete. You didn't glimpse that there was nobody here, a glimpse happened for no one. This is not a state or experience, it is this, ordinary but extraordinary for no one. You are looking for an experience, a different this, you cant find this because it is already. You are in your own way, and you'll always be.

@The observer How do you distinguish awakening from enlightenment then? Like i've had an awakening where i realized i'm god, and i felt just insights being downloaded to me, with bliss coursing through me. But i still felt like a person, and i wouldn't consider that my death but i'm not sure. Is the death of death ego death? If so, what IS ego death?

@zeroISinfinity Okay haha. My third eye is cracking and popping like crazy. I remember during my awakening where i got the waves of bliss it popped fully open. You think just sitting and being with these sensations in between my eyes overtime this will lead to enlightenment? I'm not sure what practices to do now, like i do meditate again for like 30 minutes to an hour but i don't know if i'm close to actual awakening again. Kinda getting bored tbh. I feel like i'm in limbo, like i'm so close to actual enlightenment where i feel it, but at same time i am disconnected right now.

Just be careful sounds like you might have lots of shadow work my friend. I always say that trips like LSD are dangerous for people with lots of shadow work and not good self control because if you get yourself into a bad trip you'll be there for 12 hours... LSD makes me just feel fuckin crazy for 12 hours. But you might resonate with it. I personally prefer shorter and slightly more powerful trips like DMT, although 5meo plugged is where it's at. Regular DMT is extremely visual and quite intense. I actually prefer microdose of DMT now, after a long sit. And just sip on the pipe for an hour or so. If you keep having bad trips you can either use mdma to steer the trip in a positive direction (MD goes well with a lot of psycs, but watch out MD is notoriously impure and mixed with shit) or you can look into getting some trip killers. Look up "trip killers". Leo says he finds shrooms hard to handle, as do a lot of other people. It really depends on you and your mind. I've only did shrooms twice and both at low doses. Also, it's not legal at all, and I'm not allowed to source, but you can get 5meo on empire market on the darknet. Online black market. It really works but you need to know what your doing a little. Educate yourself on how to use it, it's an extremely powerful tool, and it's not as dangerous as you might think. But there are obviously some dangers and things that you can make small mistakes with...but I've had nothing but positive experiences with the darknet. It's my friend ? I'll be ordering a gram or 5meo for £200 in the next week or two hopefully, domestic shipping is best. This is by far the most powerful avenue I have. And 5meo is the best. For me, it's the least scary compound. I always experience god-bliss on it. The self knowledge is incredible while on it...it's the perfect chemical. Ticks all the right boxes for me. I prefer it over ever drug (psychedelic and non-psychedelic) <3

Once consciousness raises to a certain level, different ways of perceiving the world becomes accessible at ease. Different ways of perceiving the world leads to bending the rules of the world in ways that it cannot through a traditional materialistic view. This is what I generally see as the occult. You could say its engineering on another dimension. I haven't looked, as its not generally an interest to me, even if it does exist and leads to many possibilities. But there is undeniable suffering in the world at large from the survival of the human race. And with no particular moral intent, I wish to reduce that suffering as much as possible by bending the rules of reality to allow me to survive on less food, and cause less suffering. I have a strong urge to use as little, if any of this earth. I want to consume way less, food, natural resources for tools and equipment, house materials, etc. Its not really a logical or preemptive thing, its just a desire or something I'm drawn to doing. I've just heard of certain yogic techniques for living off very little food, for sleeping less, and for surviving in very cold climates by using kundalini energy to produce temperature to make the body survive, rather than consuming from the earth and making blankets and stuff. I don't know why, and I know it must sound very stupid and strange, but the idea of consuming less, having barely any possessions, and bring all survival back to the body (through the occult) sounds very beautiful to me. Maybe a way to describe it, is karma. All possessions and indulgence has a karma to it. Nothing wrong with that, but it does, and by exiling those possessions and indulgence from your life, you are purifying yourself from karma. If you view karma as a mental or intellectual construction and limitation, you can see how relying on blankets adds karma. The subconscious, hidden fear of the blanket being taken away from you is always there, adding suffering. You need the blanket to survive, and as survival is a source of suffering, the blanket adds suffering. The blanket also reinforces the sense of being a human. To be a human means to need a blanket to survive, otherwise you freeze to death. But see this is not your true nature, and there is no need to limit yourself in this way. You are not a human, and you can use the occult to warm yourself up in a superhuman fashion. You can see how all materialistic possessions add this karma. Houses are more than your shelter, the fact that you need a house defines who you are, and adds karma to your life. The fear you get of losing your house is because your house isn't simply some objective thing where if you lose it you die, no. The house on a metaphysical level IS the ego. A house is part of an ego. Without an ego, there is no house. For me personally, stuff like these realisations have fuelled this new lifestyle I want to live. This is why the thought of it endows me in Love. The possibilities from taking these steps is awe striking. So much karma can be freed from living this way for a few years. It sheds the identity significantly and adds so much bliss and love. Just imagine barely any material possessions, and all survival that was outsourced to these possessions are embodied within you through mind training and the occult. Its a very blissful way to live. The more you do this, the more you also heal others. The less you take, the more you give to others. So it works to help you and others. And the compassion and knowing that you're not taking, makes you feel like you're not hurting anyone, not hurting the wildlife, other people, etc. There's also a lot of subconscious suffering from taking if you're sensitive to it. When you take food, there is a lot of karma in that even if its not visible. It adds suffering. You relieve it by taking less. I'm not saying you must change your life to the extreme I want to, to free yourself of this karma. You probably don't have to. But not only is this a way of freeing myself, but I also want to do it and am drawn to living like it. So I'm simply going with the flow.

@John Doe No i would not consider myself enlightened. But i don't want to be fake humble and say i'm not far on the path. I've had peak experiences where i've felt bliss flowing through me, and everything in the world just made sense and it felt like a stream of insights flowing into my head. But i'm also not awake to infinite love and joy, which to me is most important haha so it's tough. But i bet i can help with questions on the path, just take what i say with a grain of salt. Also, i would consider myself to have an excellent eye as to who on the forum is worth listening to and has advice that can change your life. @Nahm is one of the few, and it's basically his job to enlighten seekers so i recommend talking to him too.

Thank you, i wish the best for you! Me too, i will keep watching Leo's videos, however i always happened to live in a way that my sense of community was disrupted in some way. So i sat alone or my entertainment happened trought being alone or internet, and i don't feel like an actualizer or anything. Because of meditation i can say people around me don't mean much to me, its not that i don't care for them, but i don't have to worry about somebody every 5 minutes. And i simply don't have enough time, my future reeks 12 hour shifts and working on days off, and i have to do maintainance work in my house + spiritual sadhana and the last thing i want to do music. There is no room for anything else. Yes, that is a good point aswell, have to face it in the most direct way possible, even in a strong determination sitting session. And my failures and sufferings only really can be adressed with inner work. The side effect of this may be that i become like a monk, almost like anti-social, but its beginning to happen for me, even with the junk i keep consuming in terms of the media and food. The effect still is great. And besides, if you feel something really unusual like energies centering in your upper most chakras, all i kinda want to do is to sit with that and make maximum amount of free time to do it. Its not so much about the critics, its about the efficiency to make my points across, which is largely just doing it for entertainemnt. I catch a topic and then spontaneously write. And as i mentioned earlier i am having too little time. My life has been counter-productive and inefficient logically speaking, but life being rational or irrational is whole different topic. And i wanted to share why would i leave the forum and this is my way on saying thanks to people and Leo. But yes it is counter-productive to stay here as well as many many other forms ofdistraction from enlightenment including music. Also the other good question is ask my-self, what is the value of me being a hypocrite or a liar, it boils down to the validation and seeking it. We are just bound to lie, manipulate, procrastinate and ruin our dreams, because o the layers and layers of delusion we carry. If you attend those layers, self-development can happen, but it's always a spectrum. Leving this forum would leave me with more mental energy. For example writing a journal for 1hr a day is not what i want to do, it was kinda helpful, but i already know better methods for what i want to achieve. 1. I am always going to be exposed to interract with people - friends, enemies, critics, validation seekers, women that are interested in me and women that want to shame me and what ever other example i can give. The best thing i can do is to work on myself to be the calming presence and a ray of joy in their life from my bliss that i express. I don't need any complicted mating strategy and algorithm to express my image i want people to percieve. If i face conflict or anything i will just stay in awareness and remind myself to do that. In my life this is happening far enough. I don't want to argue here also. x) 2. This is a tricky one. Yes, but sometimes i wonder, whats the point of giving attention to the mind every 5 seconds, and i have had experiences that tell me you don't need to have voices in your head to use your mind. I clearly am not there yet and by some chance or maybe something more sentient i will be there someday. 3. Yes, but i rather go and talk to the people in my life that i feel i need it. They are very scarce, however at least one person i know and i introduced them in spirituality, they transformed and increased their level of happiness and completion with death. And yeah, text is tough. And i might need to help myself first to be a quality helper. 4.I will, and i love this side of Leo, and i listen to various crazy gurus, the far of the "rational and logical person" that are far out there, further than Leo with what they claim. But their teachings really help me. Besides, the human cognition is very complicated and in a dire need to explore, AND while excercising these other aspects of me, i have to be careful with what advice i give, the best way is sielence i feel, however i feel people drawn to my bliss. I had major social anxiety a few years back from the opposite sex, now its almost completely gone or if i have it i don't think i care. Because my goal is not to take anybody home and ask them if i can stick it in them. Thank you guys for your responses and warmth! Good luck on your paths, may you be a jeevan muktha. @hyruga well i have a bunch of other things i want to do besides that, the best thing i can do is to work on my fear of death. And looking at the impermanence of this earthly existence. I have always lived in my room for the most part when i am not in school or work. There is like no change for me.

I was thinking that as well, but then I was thinking about this guy Kilindi Iyi that talks about doing doses of 30g-50g of dried mushrooms and having a powerful trip that he claims is like a 3-4hour dmt trip. It could because it was liquid form maybe - I don’t know. I remember thinking to myself “this is why it cant be explained to anyone” - that must’ve been the multidimensional part and I was getting overwhelmed with bliss, I think I literally just there crying with happiness at whatever I was witnessing, like really sobbing, I felt like I was having a proper emotional release and then laughing to myself like a madman ? ; but then as it started fading away it just disappeared, I literally can barely even remember any visual And the emotional release I felt like I was having from past traumas came back per-se, I havent necessary had a traumatic life but at the point of release I felt free from it but I then returned to my normal state before. I’ve done two vials before and it was trippy, had visuals that I can remember, was laughing at how silly the mind acts - I reminded myself of how Eckhart laughs in that childish way when he’s explaining how the ego works. Will 3 vials be the magic number? Tbh I was going to try 5 next time to see what happens but I’m not sure.

Enlightenment is the recognition of your true nature as infinte love, formless being etc. Everyone has different definitions, and so the end of seeking is likely to be different to different people. For me i would consider myself "done" when i can embody the bliss and energy i felt during my god realization on LSD. Once you finish the seeking and find enlightenment, which i haven't done yet so i could be off here, you have nothing to do but to live your life. It goes full circle. Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment... (you get the deal). Once you the find the bliss and love and happiness intrinsic in your own being, you are free to do whatever you want. The world becomes heaven and you are free to live as you wish. I've always played video games so this website is really a forward thinking plan on my part, for how i want to spend my life after i'm done seeking. For everyone their path after seeking will be unique based on their life experience. I've always played games, sports, competed etc. There are no shoulds, musts, needs etc with a true awakened being. It's all about what YOU want to do. Because you're god baby and you're free. So do what you want. I want to write and play games, and make money doing it lol.

On April 5th 2020 at around 11:00 PM I had an experience that changed the way I perceive life and an experience that I will remember for the rest of my life. I had a nondual experience unlike any other I’ve ever had before. It was an experience of Infinite Love, complete and total Infinite Love. Recently I have been thinking about and meditating on the areas of being, manifestation, suffering and love. In the days leading up to this experience I have had an increased feeling of calmness, freedom and intense mindfulness. Despite the external appearances of my personal life currently as well as the current affairs of the world right now I feel more free and calm than I ever have in my life. It all feels quite ineffable. On this particular night I could feel the intensity and depth of the mindfulness I was experiencing. It was a depth, calmness and present moment awareness that I have noticed always precedes my past spontaneous nondual experiences. At the time I was listening to my favorite ambient song and taking in the profound beauty of it. While I was mindfully listening something happened. In an instant everything in my experience of reality just collapsed down into a singularity the experience of perceiving time ceased and I was overwhelmed by a massive torrent of Nondual Universal Love. I began crying and this crying quickly grew to sobbing as my perception expanded almost instantaneously into everything in all of existence. I was everything that ever was, is and will be. I was all of it. However there was no experience of I the self was obliterated the moment this infinite love overwhelmed my being. I have had several nondual and psychedelic experiences on my journey thus far but this time there was an incomprehensibly large flood of ultimate Universal Love like a transdimensional dam had burst and a flood of love from the totality of all existence itself completely engulfed my being. This Love was so much, so powerful that human language entirely and completely fails to describe the absolutely profound level and depth it had. I immediately knew that existence is Love. I saw the ever present nondual beauty of everything from this state of overwhelming Love. I felt so much love flowing through my being that I felt was melting. Everything that constituted any sense of separation was melting. All I could do in the presence of this Infinite Love was cry in its infinite beauty. Tears of sheer joy and love streamed down my face as I had never felt love so intensely before. I could feel this energetically affecting my physical body on multiple levels, subatomic, atomic, molecular and so on. The feeling of melting away from the intensity of infinite love was ever present. More and more all forms of individuation were melting away. It was as if the Infinite Love of all of creation was a red hypergiant star and that my individuated ego and body instantly melted into disintegration when coming even into contact with this profound absolute Love. It was the most profound thing I have ever experienced in my life. Out of all of the nondual and psychedelic experiences that I have had I’ve never felt such profound Love like this. As I was totally enraptured by this experience I felt the love that a mother feels for her newborn child, the love that the earth has for all of the lifeforms on it, the love of the fabric of existence itself. I felt love that I would instantly sacrifice my physical life for and even beyond that. Love beyond what I thought was ever possible and still that love bloomed and became even more intense. It was an infinite absolutely unconditional love for everything; for all beings, for all phenomena in existence. As I looked at the room around me I noticed the objects around and I was one with everything. I was on an existential level no different from the bed, the walls, the clothes, the air in the room, the carpet, the dirt on the carpet, the computer. In the binding unity of love I was everything in all of existence without exception. I picked up one of my shirts nearby and folded it up and I held it and hugged it as if it was a baby. As if it was my baby, my child because really all of existence is just that. I felt and exuded this love more intensely than I can put into words. There was a pillow nearby and I picked it up as well and I held it with all of the Love that I could muster. And still the perceiver of the experience was totally melting in contact with this infinite and profound love. The intensity of the experience got to the point where I felt that my body began vibrating. And I felt this very strange and intense feeling of vibration specifically from my heart area. This strange pulsating vibration branched out from my heart across my entire chest, neck, shoulders, my upper abdominal area and upper back. This pulsating vibration was so strange to feel going through my body. With every breath this pulsating vibration expanded more and more through my body. The intensity of this Love was so great that I didn’t know how I could possibly take anymore, however it continued to expand and even further more engulf me even though there was no me left. As this continued there was the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and reverence that arose as well. I totally embraced obliteration by love and totally gave into the massive tsunami of universal love. The feeling of reverence was too much for words. Tears continued to stream down my face. The pulsating vibrations I felt in my body became even more intense as I placed my hands on my heart I just wanted to open my chest and blast out Love everywhere infinitely. I am not too knowledgeable on the chakra system about how energy flows through it but I feel that that in this experience I had a powerful heart chakra opening. With each heartbeat and each breath I felt my entire being vibrate and reverberate with Love. There is just pure Love. I came into a state of awe for the enormous love which always emanates through the totality. I just began to say, “wow”, over and over again. Followed by; “this is too much”, over and over again. The level of love that existence is and has for all incarnations is so profound that I don’t think we’ll ever have a way of describing it. You just have to directly experience it to know. As I was fully embraced by the infinite Love of existence I grabbed a blanket and I just wept uncontrollably into it. This went on for what felt like a while. I wept into it from the existential bliss, the existential joy and the sheer incomprehensible amount of love that I was experiencing. And I realized that the substance of existence is Love; that without love that nothing and I mean nothing could exist. Nothing could exist without love. You and I are love. We are love incarnate. We are a love that is so profound that when we know ourselves it’s the most amazing and beautiful thing that you could experience. The peak of this experience lasted for about an hour. For the rest of the night through sleep and into the next day I was in the afterglow of experiencing the profound infinity of love that constitutes all of existence. I had the realization that everything we beings do in life without exception, we do for love in one way or another and it is expressed in a spectrum of countless ways. This is the first time in life that I have experienced the Love of reality as it actually is; pure nondual infinite Love beyond the illusion of individuated ego experience. Love that will obliterate you because it’s just so much, Love that will break you down and make you cry, make you sob intensely. A part of my being is fully awake now. I feel energetically different than before that experience. I feel energetically different now, as if I am a different person from before this experience. Experiencing that level of Love permeates every aspect of our being and our experience. One realization I had was that my entire life up until this experience I thought that suffering was bad. Now I know what suffering is. Suffering is what happens when we knowingly or unknowingly turn away from Love. Because a person who truly understands Love, a person who truly loves themselves would never turn away from Love whether it be the Love of existence itself, the Love of another being, or Love of themselves. The only reason truly that we suffer individually and collectively is turning away from Love, that’s it. And that can breed many other things as a result but fundamentally it’s very simple. If you turn away from Love you turn away from what you truly are and when you turn away from what you truly are you’re out of alignment with the loving flow of the totality of existence and when you’re out of alignment with the loving flow of existence itself; it is so painful. That is when our experience becomes suffering. And we don’t have to suffer. What would serve us best in this life is to constantly and consistently choose Love at every second of every day. Forever. To choose whatever is the highest expression of love. And bask in its radiance and live in this place for our entire time of incarnation. I felt true freedom in this experience. True freedom. Love is the substance of existence. Love is what you are. There is never ever anything to fear. There is never ever anything to fear. There is never ever anything to be afraid of. Just Love. Just be Love. Just choose Love every single time. Because that is what existence is built upon. That is what existence is. It only hurts when you turn away from love. But if you dive completely into love and totally melt into that experience of being love you will truly know and experience what you are, what the universe is, what God is and that will change every aspect of how you look at life, on the deepest level in every way and thusly change your experience of being forever. I Love you, whoever you are, for we are One. I want to thank @fridakaia for helping me so much to truly understand what Love is. She is a beautiful and profound being and a lightworker. I also want to thank @Consilience for encouraging me to dive more deeply into Love on my journey.

No because Tier 2 (Yellow, Turq, Coral) are very understanding and find value in every interaction. Especially Turq.. because Turq is pure BEING and bliss. Glad you liked it! Are you russian? You might enjoy my doomer gopnitsa outfit in my last video. Also Spiral stuff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C0jbNu7SkA

Hey guys. This is basically an unfiltered transcript of some voice notes I took during my 3.2 g Penis Envy Mushroom Trip (Lemon Tek). I had the deepest awakening of my life. Feel free to add some thoughts. Much love! Be careful not to lean against divine states of consciousness. It's more about realizing that I am the divine. There's nothing to lean against. It's about leaning into myself. Dream is the substance of reality Remember to stay connected to the divinity of my voice. If I've lost track of that, it's a clear sign that I've lost touch with myself. My voice is a prime pillar of creation. Speaking is one of the most direct forms of manifestation. I don't even want to take notes. The idea of leaving something for myself is so silly. The beauty is something else. It can't be visualized, it can't be though of, it just is, and it's nothing. It's all just a dream. That's what I am. Things just are the way they are. I can let go of all of the rules and rigid boundaries and just go with the flow, but also be the creator of all this. I can be my creation while creating at the same time. Life is a dream with no consequences because the doing and the consequences are one. They are the same. Doing IS the consequence. There's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be said. It's just astounding. It's surreal. There is no real. This is all a perfect imaginary wonderland, of course. I was lying on some rocks, looking up at the trees, swaying in the wind. I also had mild visual distortions moving the tree. I realized that there is no difference between the wind moving the trees and my mind moving the trees. At this point I started to understand my present experience as My entire lifetime itself is a piece of art in all of it's depth. The entire experience is a masterpiece created by an artist so intelligent that there are no words to describe it. I've noticed this deep longing for love and surrender to myself. The paradox is that the state of longing for surrender is actually part of total surrender. There is no difference between the two because in order to want surrender, you have to surrender to the state of wanting surrender. What. I don't know anything. There nothing to cling to. There's nothing to try to do. Oh my god, its all just infinite perfection. That's all it is. That's what's happening. It’s an infinite gift to yourself. Oh my god. It's all perfect. It's all love. It’s all healing. This whole game of awakening is so fucking perfect. It's all this perfect fucking game that I just made up for myself cause it's fucking beautiful, just cause I can. I am God, I am Love. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is what I am. Oh my God. There is no difference between my heart and the rest of the world. There is no difference between suffering and love, It's all just one thing, It's all fucking - oh my God. I get so caught up in the technicalities of the best way do things or live my life, but no, there is no best way. Just do whatever you want. Whatever you want goes. That's what reality is. Anything you want. Oh my God. Anything you fucking want. Oh my God. What the fuck. What am I gonna do? Oh my God x10. Anything I fucking want. Oh my God x7. It doesn't matter. Nothing fucking matters. Oh my God this is fucking amazing. This is perfect. Infinite perfection. Infinite bliss. It know no end. It knows to bounds. All the barriers to bliss are just fucking bliss in disguise. Oh my God X2. There is no protocol to awakening. This is just what I am. It's all a giant gift for myself. I want to share it so bad. I can't even fucking believe this. I can't take this on. Like this is for me? (started coughing and spitting) so much fucking shame and unworthiness being coughed up. Holy fuck. I can't even… this is all for me? This is all for me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is so fucking amazing. All of the delusion, all of the pain, it's all perfect, it's all for me. I see the sacredness of what you are. Oh man. I'm just creating this infinite beauty for myself. I'm grounded in nothing. Nothing makes this possible. There's nothing that could make this possible OMG. There's nothing that could make this possible. And that's precisely why it is happening. OMG. All of the cold is part of the bliss. All of the discomfort is part of the bliss, part of being. It can't be put into words but its all so amazing. I am creating everything. I don't mean that I'm this human being that can create anything from my human imagination. No, I have absolutely fucking unlimited ability to do anything and I imagined that I was a human being with infinite imagine. I'm a human being because this is exactly what I want to experience and this fucking awesome! It's fucking awesome. OMG. I imagined that I'm a human being. All of this healing is imaginary. It's all a gift for me. I still can't even accept this. I'm struggling so hard to accept this. I get it now but how can I even accept this. What does it even mean to accept this? I guess to take on the responsibility of God. But there an emotional barrier in my chest. Accepting the responsibility myself an infinite creator is a lot… it's scary. Like… what am I gonna do? That's the fucking question. I keep having epiphanies and then like half an hour later, I'll have another insight that transcends my first epiphany and takes it a layer deeper and there seems to be no end to how deep it goes. There are infinite layers of complexity and beauty. And now I'm awake in my creation. Beauty only exists right now and nowhere else because there is nothing else. This is infinite beauty. So I'm this infinite creator. I can choose to be this human being and identify as this human being. But I can choose to be this human being and be the creator at the same time? Ohhhhhh. Oh that's what this has always been. I just keep being reminded that surrender is not what I think it is. It's not getting rid of all the opposing forces in your mind. It's being at peace with the opposing forces in your mind - being at peace that I'm not at peace.( Laughed for like fat minute). That's what peace is. That sounds kind of sad, like you're giving up. You are giving up, but there's multiple levels to giving up. Ultimately, giving up can be one of the most beautiful things you can experience because once you give everything up, you're left with what is. It'll always be here. I also keep being reminded that there's nothing to cling to. There's nothing to grasp. I keep trying to hold on to the rules and boundaries of the universe, but those are just made up, they're all part of this dream I dreamed up. There's nothing real about them. Is enlightenment just constantly being like this? Or - oh wait, enlightenment doesn’t exist. Enlightenment is just Being. It just is. So fucking cool. I love this. I love everything. I love myself. Every part, every single part. With all of the little things I don’t like, experiencing them is part of the perfection. The give and take of life is part of the beautiful experience. That's part of what love is. The entire experience of life. That is what Love is. All of it. Every single part of it. It's all one gift. It is Love. It is God. I'm just trying to breath this truth into my body right now. My breath is an expression of my acceptance and engagement with life. When I am fully accepting life, I can breathe fully and deeply. There's no wisdom in what I'm saying. The wisdom is in the present moment. It's not what I'm saying that's wise. The wisdom is what actually is. There's not a wise way to be. The wisdom is the Being itself. The biggest difficult I'm facing right now is the unworthiness. But it's not an unworthiness that has a rational explanation. It's more like. I didn't know something so good could be possible. I didn't know it could be THIS Good. All of the doubts I'm having about this awakening, It's all part of the love, the gift to myself. There's a deep craving to be totally consumed by love. There's like this deep longing. As God, how the fuck else could I express this? Like… here ya go! Here's your life! There's no difference between being awake and being asleep. Also, I was awake all along. I was always awake. This goes infinitely deeper. I can't imagine any limits and any limits I do imagine are imaginary and can be transcended. Absolutely abundant. One big infinite… whatever I want it to be. God is whatever I want it to be because I am God. I feel like I can always be this conscious but I've chosen not to be this conscious. There's no problem. At the same time, Problems are a gift. The gift is in overcoming it. The gift is in learning from it. The gift is in the stories you tell yourself. My heart can't even accept this love. Haha, that's part of the gift too. Thank you nature. Enlightenment is nothing to be believed. It's just what can't be believed. It's just this present moment. That's it. There's nothing more. The present moment is the gift. That's why it's called the present. The present…the gift. It's the same thing. There's nothing outside of the present moment. Right here, right now, that's where all of the magic is. That's where all the love is. Enlightenment is like realizing you've always been enlightened. Reality is anything that we want it to be. Whatever we focus on becomes reality, whatever we choose becomes reality. If I were to stare at a rock, the experience of that rock would become reality. The rock, itself, doesn't really exist, only the experience of that rock that's real. That's what the real is… the experience itself. Rule number 1 of being God: all of your limitations are imaginary. My ideas about myself as an infinite creator and to this infinite and this magical experience of perfection are all delusional, of course. But also, the ideas that we are not infinite creators of that reality is not perfect are also delusional! Choose your delusions wisely lol. It's all too good to be true. I want to shar this so bad. Even the process of wanting to share it and sharing it is part of the perfection, part of this gift. And if you're trying to catch this elusive gift, you’ve already caught it! You caught it. There's nothing to catch. The whole thing is just a gift. Its right now. It doesn't get any deeper than that. Right now is the gift. Enlightenment will never go away. It's just what is. There's no such thing as not being in the present moment. If you're not in the present moment, where are you? There's nowhere else to go. There's no escaping this gift. It cannot go away. And it's whatever we imagine it is. The past and the future only exist in our imaginations. When you imagine something, that thing becomes your present moment. That becomes your reality The old paradigm was "do the best you can". The new paradigm is "be whatever the fuck you want"

So I recently entered Turquoise after being in Yellow for a long time now. I view my relationship differently now...so do I the World, so do I the people, etc. So right now I am maybe 40% Turquoise, 40% Yellow, 20% Green. My loving boyfriend is stage Blue. ~ 60% Blue, 40% Orange. He is loving, kind, quiet and a good Christian believer in God. We get along well. I would like to present an analysis of our relationship because it's really interesting. Love and intimacy: My boyfriend's primary love language is action. Mine is kind words. We both communicate very well. He always surprises me with new job opportunities (I never asked him.. he just intuitively likes to help me and I am grateful.) As a Blue, he values hard work and community, and he desires me to be part of a larger community and society. As a Turquoise and an introvert I love alone time, Being, meditation, and my freelance job as a digital artist, but I cannot be financially independent if I don't work more.. which means more than 10 hours a day. Marketing included, it's a lot of work...trust me. And I need to meditate all the time or I lose touch with my Inner Being and infinite peace. Also I procrastinated while in SD Yellow because I love ideas and facts and reading... My mind is kinda scattered, I love knowledge, mysticism, I need intellectual stimulation nonstop. I want to be a psychologist but I don't have Bacalaureat diploma ( also because mind scattered), so I cannot apply to University yet. I like to show my love by communicating spiritual Truths and awakening him to Truth. He likes to listen to my ideas and finds me very interesting (He is Gemini Sun and Gemini Moon(?) I think). I am Aquarius Sun - Scorpio Moon. Our activities together include: - Listening to subliminal videos (quarantine beauty yeeeeesss! ) - Talking on the phone for long hours - Before quarantine we used to hike in the mountains and cuddle in the grass - Discussing politics, religion, God - Strengthening our bond, planning business ideas together He shows his love by actions. So he looks for jobs for me, for after the quarantine. I speak 5 languages to we are thinking translation job. We live in a small city and I never worked, apart from delivering newspaper. (I was stage Green.. unhealthy af :c ) ... Communication + Interests: As a Blue-Orange he likes history, nationality, culture, books, religion, money-making ideas, phone-games, movies, scary videos and paranormal, youtube, technology, science, arguments and debates. I try to elevate him to Orange-Green by teaching him about money, gym, business, marketing, technology, self-help, self-development, environment, government, and showing him veganism, compassion, empathy, self-care and subliminal / binaural audio (very Green! I'm passionate about subliminals. ^^ ) As an emerging Turquoise, my current interests are: subliminals, mantras, meditation, music, dancing, singing, creating, inspiring, helping others grow, helping others heal, reading and studying spiritual material and @Leo Gura 's material, sharing love, communicating, Being, Truth, healing myself, finding valuable friendships, experiencing bliss, exploring reality/other realities, feeling energies, developing psychic abilities and healing abilities, abundance mindset, forever growing, infinite love and gratitude, self-development, connection with God. As you can see a Turquoise thinks very differently than a Blue. But they do not contradict. In fact, Tier 2 can befriend anyone and help them grow. I know my list sounds sounds a tad bit airy-fairy, but it's more practical than you think! ^^ I am a goal oriented person. You can ask me anything btw.. ^^ So our communication and things we do together is mostly me helping him grow to my level. Personality: As a healthy Blue he is: serious, calm, collected, smart, independent, God-fearing, helpful, funny, optimistic, loving, kind partner, nice to people. As a Turquoise I am: playful, happy, calm, conscious, understanding, empathic, psychic, spiritual, positive, helpful, infinitely and unconditionally loving, also nice to people and other beings. We make a good couple. Sex: As a Blue/Orange, he views sex as a means to connect to his lover and strenghten the bond (Blue/Green), and an activity that feels good and that makes him a REAL MAN, as he said with his own words (lowkey Orange?). He is a very simple minded man haha. As an emerging Turquoise, for me sex is an expression of Love and connection. I can also use it for altered states of consciousness. I do not crave sex, I have low sex drive.. I channel sexual energy into creativity and physical energy most of the time. What do you guys think? Anything else you want to know about this unusual spiral combination?

I've been digging through some dirt, metaphorically. Feeling as if rather than digging memories up like the past year has been off and on, it's energetic. Dealt with an episode of rage over a week or so, then another and threw a can of green beans across the room. I went outside a moment and came back in and resumed destructive lack of control. My husband shouted at me to leave and go for a walk, so I did. I went to the cemetery and sat on Dr.P's grave. A small fly came and sat on my hand and stayed there. It reminded me of the poem I shared here weeks ago. “Trust your wound to a teacher’s (God) surgery. Flies collect on a wound. They cover it, those flies of your self-protecting feelings, your love for what you think is yours. Let a Teacher wave away the flies and put a plaster on the wound. Don’t turn your head. Keep looking at the bandaged place. That’s where the Light enters you. And don’t believe for a moment that you’re healing yourself.” Rumi— I knew what to do and sent a message to Nahm and he helped me understand it. Muninn dug a hole randomly in the middle of the yard yesterday like he was possessed. I got my nightmare of alders and invasive roses cut and cleaned our of my neglected shade flower garden. Last year at this time I was riding the wave of bliss from the awakening. I'm so glad this year at this time that my reality was broken. Yesterday I went for a hike somewhere that had been written on a my dreamboard, I haven't been there for months. When I got there the tide was just right and it was spectacular. I've been thinking about (as you know) pyramids a lot lately. I cut off through the woods and went to a shore. There were rocks shaped like pyramids, I hopped down to the beach and looked out a while. Instead of being happy or at peace I felt a kind of anxious energy along with other feelings moving through. I saw a seal pop up for a moment and then I thought of the symbolism on the dollar bill, the eye of providence, the pyramid, the seal ( seal). I want to see an eagle I told myself. At first I judged myself for making the intention. Then my desire grew stronger. I went out and sat on a rock that overlooks the water, and closed my eyes and tried to connect with the power of it, feeling the fear of the water and the impulse to push through and join it and knowing that it was metaphorical currents within I wanted to allow and join. Then I glimpsed an eagle, impossibly high in the sky, I recognized him for a moment until he flew even higher out of sight and recognition. The sunset last night was a spectacular pink pyramid. “The day of resurrection is determined in this manner. The first Sunday after the full moon in Aries is celebrated as Easter. Aries begins on the 21st day of March and ends approximately on the 19th day of April. The sun’s entry into Aries marks the beginning of Spring The moon in its monthly transit around the earth will form sometime between March 21st and April 25th an opposition to the sun, which opposition is called a full moon, The first Sunday after this phenomenon of the heavens occurs Is celebrated as Easter; the Friday preceding this day is observed as Good Friday. This movable date should tell the observant one to look for some interpretation other than the one commonly accepted. These days do not mark the anniversaries of the death and resurrection of an individual who lived on earth.” ― Neville Goddard Say Yes Quickly Forget your life. Say God is Great. Get up. You think you know what time it is. It’s time to pray. You’ve carved so many little figurines, too many. Don’t knock on any random door like a beggar. Reach your long hands out to another door, beyond where you go on the street, the street where everyone says, “How are you?” and no one says How aren’t you? Tomorrow you’ll see what you’ve broken and torn tonight, thrashing in the dark. Inside you there’s an artist you don’t know about. He’s not interested in how things look different in moonlight. If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage. If you’ve opened your loving to God’s love, you’re helping people you don’t know and have never seen. Is what I say true? Say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe. - Rumi Don’t let your throat tighten with fear. Take sips of breath all day and night. Before death closes your mouth. There’s no love in me without your being, no breath without that. I once thought I could give up this longing, then though again, But I couldn’t continue being human. -Rumi You are the only faithful student you have. All the others leave eventually. Have you been making yourself shallow with making other eminent? Just remember, when you’re in union, you don’t have to fear that you’ll be drained. The command comes to speak, and you feel the ocean moving through you. Then comes, Be silent, as when the rain stops, and the trees in the orchard begin to draw moisture up into themselves. -Rumi

Just that you seem to have been meditating for only a few months (if I've understood it correctly), and you have had some deep experiences of emptiness which are frightening and blissful in turns. Integrating it as in having a context for the mystical awareness, to feel ok with being nothingness and having an identity for normal life purposes "I remember calling my girlfriend in a panic and asking her to please start an argument with me so that I could take a definitive stance and in so continue to live the lie that I was living." you've had a taste of bliss and emptiness and you are now working on integrating this with your regular relationships in life, which can carry on with a deeper love rather than fear and panic. You're doing nothing wrong. Although there's nothing to hold onto because there's no separate self to do the holding, and everything is in flux, yet life is infinitely creative and provides new patterns to flow with, even as the old ones dissolve away. Sorry if I sound a bit vague and woolly, are you looking for something more practical or a reassurance that all's well and you're on the right path?

@Jo96 You're exactly where your meant to be. You're shedding layers and layers of yourself which is what is leading you to bliss. What I would say as someonewho has meditated for a while, be aware of having a goal in meditation. You sound like you're mixing up self inquiry with meditation. When we meditate, we come home to who we really are. When we self inquire we explore who we really are. Good luck ?

Day 12 - x3 breathing, 8 minutes in the river. I stilled my mind to the point of completely letting go of the pain and actually felt warm. There were seconds that passed when I was so present I didn't know if i was dead or alive in the river it was complete bliss. I'm really getting into this now!

@Leo Gura According to your experience, do you think that the author of the book is right in his hypothesis about the purpose of God/Mind? ”These considerations point to a telos for the topology of the membrane: if the entire membrane could fold in on itself to form one single loop encompassing all of mind – a kind of cosmic sphere of mind – there would be no trade-off. Self-reflectiveness would be all-encompassing, in the sense that all vibrations of mind – all mental contents – would fall within the field of self-reflection. There would be no ‘unconscious.’ Moreover, there would be no illusion of separation either: this one loop of mind would identify itself with all good and all evil, all bliss and all suffering, all polarities and perspectives. The full nature of mind would unavoidably penetrate the field of its own self-reflective contemplation. Why doesn’t the membrane of mind simply use its freewill to form this single global loop at once? Why hasn’t it happened yet? Why all the struggles? The answer here is rather simple: for mind at large to know that it should shape itself as a single loop it would already have to have the global self-reflectiveness that only a single loop could provide.”

When I began meditating it was very clear the goal I was seeking. I was seeking truth. I wanted to let go of all the noise in my head, the noise from my brain and thoughts and the noise from other people. Within a month I had an experience of emptiness. I felt as if my whole body reassembled flowing water or what I would describe as dream stuff. The sensation was pure emptiness and as I watched my actions throughout the day it was as if I was faced with a choice. I could give in to whatever response had been planned no matter how much it made sense or I could simply let it go. As I went deeper and deeper into letting things go I felt my whole being disintegrating. I felt such a fear grip me that I had not felt in my entire life. I felt as if all the theory I was learning might be true and it terrified me. If there is no me? If all I am is a belief ? Who would I be ? this experience was again revisited after an 8 day retreat where my body head and chest lost all feeling in it. It felt as if every story I told myself was caving in on itself. I remember calling my girlfriend in a panic and asking her to please start an argument with me so that I could take a definitive stance and in so continue to live the lie that I was living. It worked and I returned to my body, but not for long. The following week I felt such fear/ bliss and pure love for reality. I was afraid of what I was becoming Or unbecoming and I was also in love with and grateful to be here. To have people here to counter me, to disappoint me to give me conflict because it all served a higher purpose to keep my ego in place. I remember looking up at the moon the following week and seeing pure love in the sky. It was so beautiful I can’t even explain it. But I was afraid of leaving so I slowly came back to normal life with only the slight after glow of a dream like feeling in my head that still continues to this day. And every now and then if I focus I can still feel my body dissipate like smoke if I focus hard. After these experiences I decided to put it into practice. I decided to dedicate some of the day to let things go or to meditate. What’s funny is as I go deeper into letting things go I realize the ridiculous nature of that. The act itself of letting things go is doing? How can I choose to let go? Is that not not letting go? The deeper I dive into meditations the more unclear everything seems. Ultimately what I’m saying may be misunderstood because I’m not even sure I totally understand it but all I’ve learned from Leo and other teachers it’s all ultimately words. If I dive deep into them they break down just like my body does. Nothing can really be held onto. I say this with uncertainty. So please correct me if I’m wrong. Just sharing

http://humandesign.net/basic-concepts.html """ FOUR TYPES OF HUMAN BEINGS AND THEIR STRATEGY The Human Design System groups people into 4 specific types: Manifestors, Generators, Projectors and Reflectors. The main difference between each type is in their aura. Although there are endless variations within each type (and within our genetics), each type has a specific auric quality that determines its strategy - a correct way of approaching and navigating life. Strategy and authority are two key elements of the Human Design System – and all you really need to know to live a fulfilling life free from resistance. We are objects moving in space. Just like a street car when driven off the road, we too encounter problems and resistance when we don't respect our unique nature. MANIFESTOR Manifestors are a minority - around 8% of all people. You are the only type that is here to initiate. Historically, Manifestors were the rulers and law givers of the world. So many of our habits and accepted generalizations are created by and fit for Manifestors. You are the ones - the only ones - who really can go out and make things happen. As children this happens as soon as they can reach the doorknob. You are designed to be an unstoppable force that will not allow anyone to control you. If there is something you want, go and get it, as it will not come to you (be it a job, partner etc.) - just listen to your authority. You have the potential to shape the world the way you want it to be. On an energy level you have a very deep impact on others, but your aura doesn't communicate as much as the auras of other types. That's why people often don't know what to think about you. It creates un unconscious fear in them and they try to control you from the moment you were born. This leads you to your predominant negative feeling – anger. The secret of success for you lies in communication. The way to operate correctly for you as a Manifestor is to inform. Inform those that are going to be impacted by your actions about what you're going to do. In this way, others will not be so intimidated by you. They may actually help you and put their energy into whatever it is that you have initiated. Then you can find what you are looking for - PEACE. Without informing, you will get resistance every step of the way. That's why many Manifestors, already in their childhood, resign, after being punished over and over again by parents, teachers and others. They give up their manifesting powers and concentrate on going through life, just getting by. They may feel ignored, or like they've been run over by a truck. The last thing they would want to do is to inform others. Everybody else is in their way all the time, so the idea of making it easier for others by informing is unacceptable. Yet it's the only way out of the circle of control and resistance. (While still living with parents, Manifestor's strategy is actually different - they need to ask for permission.) Go to sleep as soon as you begin to feel tired. You can read or watch a movie for a while before you fall asleep, but already lying down in a horizontal position. If possible, sleep alone, not in other people's aura – you will feel the difference in you in the morning.Remember that there may be a neighbor above or behind the wall and if you're closer then your two arm-lengths, you are still in each other's aura. Strategy: Inform those who will be impacted by your actions. Think about that, you'll see you impact quite a lot of people. Predominant negative feeling: Anger Famous Manifestors: Johny Depp, Richard Burton, George W. Bush, Adolf Hitler, Frida Kahlo, Jack Nicholson, Robert DeNiro, Orson Welles and Susan Sarandon GENERATOR Almost 70 % of all people are Generators. If you have a defined Sacral center, then no matter how the rest of your chart looks, you are one of them. Generators are the great workers of the world. But also the slaves, who doing work they can't stand, day after day. You can imagine Manifestors as the Pharaohs of the ancient Egypt and Generators as all those multitudes who built the pyramids. Sacral is a tremendous energy generator (hence the name) that gives you all the energy you need to do things, anything you enter into correctly. For Generators, life is all about RESPONSE. Instead of chasing after life, let the life come to you. Your aura, like a powerful magnet, brings to you everything you need to fulfill your purpose. Sacral can not initiate, it can only respond. The only truth is that which comes to you through your response. Without responding, you will end up deeply frustrated. SATISFACTION is the key word for Generators. You need to be selfish; it's all about self satisfying work. Do only what brings you satisfaction. Your life is all about doing what you love and only that shows you who you are and brings you happiness. In words of a renowned anthropologist Joseph Campbell: "Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls." If you initiate, if you don't respond and enter into things incorrectly, you get the theme of frustration and want to get out, quit. Your energy is cut off and you end up feeling depleted, tired or frustrated. There are 2 categories of Generators: (Pure) Generators and Manifesting Generators. The main difference is that Pure Generators work in gradual phases, much like climbing a mountain: going up, things are moving on, until they reach a plateau when nothing seems to be happening. If they didn't begin whatever they are doing out of response, this is the moment when they feel stuck or trapped. However, if they entered into it correctly, eventually an impulse will come from outside and they will resume their work, and start climbing again. Manifesting Generators do things very quickly and are even more tempted to initiate (not waiting for something to respond to). They are very efficient and skip that, which is not important. But in doing so, they also often skip something essential and then they need to go back to it. If you're a Generator, it's healthy for you to go to bed only when you are exhausted. If you haven't used up your energy, you will have problem falling asleep and will not wake up fresh the next day. Strategy: Wait to respond Predominant negative feeling: Frustration for Pure Generators and frustration and/or anger for Manifesting Generators. Famous Pure Generators: Albert Einstein, Dalai Lama, Elvis Presley, Bill Clinton, Meryl Streep, John Lennon, Madonna, James Dean, Vladimir Lenin, Carl Jung, Timothy Leary, Oprah Winfrey, Meg Ryan, Greta Garbo, Margaret Thatcher, Deepak Chopra Famous Manifesting Generators: Frederic Chopin, Marie Curie, Hillary Clinton, Clint Eastwood, Sigmund Freud, Mahatma Gandhi, Steffi Graf, Marie Antoinette, Mikhail Gorbachev, Jimi Hendrix, Pope John Paul II, Janis Joplin, Friedrich Nietzsche, Richard Nixon, Yoko Ono, Prince, Jaqueline Onassis, Martin Luther King, Vincent Van Gogh PROJECTOR If you are a Projector (22 % of population), you are not here to work. You are here to know others, to recognize and guide them. But that can only happen if you yourself are 1) recognized and 2) invited to do so. Your strategy is to wait for an invitation in the important areas of you life (your relationships, work etc.). If your authority says yes, then you can really share your gifts and guidance. To be invited means that you are seen and recognized for your values. If you don't wait for an invitation, or the energy of invitation, you meet resistance. Through your open centers, you take others in deeply. You take in other people's definition and you can clearly see who they are. Your aura focuses on the very core of their being and you can recognize others. But if you try to guide others without being invited to do so, you meet resistance, or feel that no one really sees you, no one recognizes you. Out of that comes a deep feeling of bitterness, often mixed with exhaustion. Projectors fear that they will not be invited. But if you follow your strategy of waiting for the invitation, what happens is that your aura's frequency starts to change and the more you live according to your design, the more invitations you get. This will bring you SUCCESS. Once invited, you don't need to wait for any more invitations regarding whatever you were invited to (project, job, relationship etc.). Just follow your authority in doing what you do and don't initiate. The invitation, correct entry into anything, is the key. The feeling of being recognized, appreciated, heard and seen. Is it there? Great. If not, you may stop talking in mid sentence and save yourself yet one more disappointment of not being understood. Projectors are the eternal students of humanity and system masters. You need to have a system through which you can relate and understand life. Projectors often have the need to study Human Design deeply in order to gain the intellectual understanding of how they are to operate correctly. Projectors are the only type who can really know what's going on. Your openness can be energetically exhausting, so it is important to have your own space where you can relax. The same advice regarding sleeping applies to you as to everyone else with an undefined Sacral: go to bed as soon as you begin to feel tired and if at all possible, sleep alone (see Manifestors for details). Strategy: Wait for an invitation, or the energy of invitation Predominant negative feeling: Bitterness Famous Projectors: Queen Elisabeth II, Mick Jagger, Joseph Stalin, Ringo Starr, Osho, Napoleon, Woody Allen, Salvador Dali, Elizabeth Taylor, Fidel Castro, James Joyce, Barbra Streisand, Ulysses S. Grant, Douglas MacArthur, Demi Moore, Princess Diana, Tony Blair, Ramana Maharshi, George Gurdjieff REFLECTOR Reflectors make up only about 1 % of the population. If you have all your centers open, you are a Reflector. You are completely open to the world and others. As there are no defined centers in your design, you take in the definition of everybody else. It's like seeing the world through their eyes, sampling their particular frequency and reflecting back the other. You are like a mirror and the reflection of other people constantly changes your perception. One moment you many feel extremely emotional, the next moment it's gone. Then you may get all these ideas and a strong sense of knowing where you're going in life, and then it's gone again, and so on and so forth. That's why it's very important for you to choose your friends and partners carefully, as they will have a great impact on your feelings and your experience of yourself. For you, the open G center rule - to be only in places that you like - is even more important. Then you will be with the right people and get the love you seek. Your total openness can make you at times almost invisible to others. Without knowing the mechanics of your design, you may feel deeply disappointed in life. But this very openness is a potential for a great wisdom, if you learn how to work with it correctly. You are here to sample life. To successfully apply this knowledge, Reflectors have the need to study and intellectually understand the Human Design System. Any kind of pressure is detrimental to your health. Take your time to make important decisions and don't let anyone pressure you. You are a lunar being, tied to the lunar cycle, so the strategy for you is to wait 29 days before making any major decision . During these 29 days, talk with different people about your decision - and listen to what you yourself say about it. That's how you find something different and how you get to be SURPRISED. Life for you is an impersonal experience. As you go through life, learning the truth of "this isn't me" again and again, your greatest potential is that of complete transparency. Your openness can be energetically exhausting so it is important to have your own space where you can relax. The same advice regarding sleep applies for you as for everyone else with an undefined Sacral: go to bed as soon as you begin to feel tired and if at all possible, sleep alone (see Manifestors for details). Strategy: Wait 29 days (the full cycle of the Moon) before making a major decision and talk with others about it, while paying attention to what you say Predominant negative feeling: Disappointment Famous Reflectors: H.G. Wells, Sandra Bullock, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Ammaji (hugging Amma) TYPES - CONCLUSION The strategy of each type is very simple, yet it may be not be easy to put into practice at first. Manifestors, who feel controlled by others all their life, need to inform. Generators, who have oceans of energy, can't just go around doing anything - they need to wait and respond. Projectors, who can see others and are here to guide them, need to wait for an invitation - something they never expect to happen. And Reflectors, with their openness and taking in other people's definition, must wait 29 days before making a major decision - no matter how certain they feel about something in the moment. """

Yeah if you inquire 'whose feeling the pain?' and this sit is what You (not you) want to do, the suffering from the pain tends to dissolve, and the pain is what remains, along with bliss because you are doing what You want to do. In my experience, inquire why you want to sit for this long, and that will likely give you a good answer as to how to move forward. If sitting is really worth it for You, You Will get through the 2 hours. Otherwise, walking or taking breaks or even meditating while doing the dishes might be just as effective, and your idea that you must sit for 2 hours to get results is spiritual/new age social conditioning.