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About GabeN

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  1. I stopped seeing straight , I started to believe I’m stuck in a loop and will be feeling like this for ever , this caused suicidal thoughts , never mix shrooms with a weed brownie
  2. @Leo Gura challenge accepted
  3. After trying small and medium doses of Ketamine i felt like i was ready to try a higher dose, I made sure i was in a safe place, good mood, the powder i was about to ingest i already knew was very potent and clean, next i calmed my mind and meditated for a few minutes when i felt ready and clear minded i snorted the lines all at once, around 100mg o really good Ketamine powder. 10 minutes in i started to feel an intense rush of euphoria running in my body and chest, it started to get harder to see and i knew i was in for a real deep trip, i was excited but tried to calm down and observe what is about to happen next, my goal from this trip was to explore consciousness and see what a high dose of K can teach me. 25 minutes in My bodily sensations disappeared, i was loosing sense of my body, i closed my eyes and started feeling that I'm being lifted with bed in an upward direction, i felt like my bed is flying above the mountain and neighborhood i lived in, i usually do have a bit of fear of heights , but on K those feelings started were a bit different, the sensation of being very high in the sky felt pretty real, but there was no fear of falling or anything, at this point i still knew that i took Ketamine and I'm hallucinating this, the visuals were not vivid at all yet, but the tactile sensations were enough for me to imagine a lot of the "flight" 1 hour in I'm slowly loosing my Ego and even forgot that i even took Ketamine, the room i was in was quiet as it was also night, but there were a lot sounds i was hearing which are hard to describe, sort of like an engine running on low RPM in my head but not in an unpleasant way, at this point the hallucinations were visual but not very vivid, the tactile sensations were still going on as if I'm being moved either up or down, i found it rather amusing, 1:30 hours in I begin to feel like what i can describe as just being a point of awareness floating in a pool consciousness, now i don't remember having a self, i don't have a concept of being a human, in fact , i lost any concept of what we call life, i stayed in this state for a good 40 to 50 minutes, during those minutes i had flashes of who i was was and what is life, then i would forget again and just become only awareness with sensations and some visuals. the visuals were sort of Aztec like almost 3D shapes but not like DMT. This was the first time ever that i do not have a comprehension of what is the experience of life at all, i don't have eyes or ears or hands, in fact, it felt like i became reality it self but during those few minutes i still felt that i was "something" experiencing "something", but i did not call that "life" either. Having a life for us means that we have a story, we wake up in the morning, work, eat, do things human do and we all agreed this is what we call "Life", the Ketamine shattered all of that into pieces and showed me perhaps the infinite side of consciousness, in those deep 40 minutes of course, i did not have any Ego so there was no one to have any fear anyway, but this was one of the few times i experience absolute ego death, a whole world of its own... I'm not sure if i went into what's known as the K hole, but I'm pretty sure it was damn close.. After 2 hours or so i came back to this reality, it felt like i was brought back to my bed like a small baby being put to sleep by his mother, this is one of the few trips that truly changed me, i had less fear of death and more appreciation for this static dream we call Life. these are the few sentences i can come up with for a trip that is truly hard to articulate with words, but i hope it might help people have some kind of expectations of what can a high dose of Ketamine offer. cheers.
  4. @UDT i tried a larger dose of acid on it, would be careful as acid can get more intense and trip harder to control, maybe it was just me, but i'm sure it's not the best idea, microdosing however seems interesting with it.
  5. @Leo Gura I took it 5 days a week and took breaks usually on weekends (for me it's Fridays and Saturdays), I also didn't use it on days when i was off work/vacation as i didn't feel the need to. I did notice there was tolerance going on when I had a period of about a month or two that i took 200mg almost daily, during that time taking 100mg felt like the modafinil wasn't working as well, but then I got used to 100mg again and it's more than i need, it's probably because i got my sleep going better. i still keep the 200 mg for days i have less sleep the night before, but in short I personally didn't see a tolerance problem unless you take higher doses and then get back to lower ones.
  6. So ever since I heard about this drug and saw Leo's video on nootropics about it I thought to myself "This sounds like exactly what I'm looking for", and I think i was right, here's how it went: After finally getting my hands on it I was super excited because my current job I work requires me to be focused and awake for long periods of time and I don't like drinking more than a cup or two of caffeine to avoid those afternoon crashes, Modafinil came as a lifesaver for me without a doubt because my productivity skyrocketed and I barely saw any side effects from it, so here are some of the Pros and what I think Cons for this awesome nootropic: (these are based on mostly 100mg but on days that I didn't sleep that well (4 to 6 hours) I would take 200mg, even 300mg in emergency situations was a lifesaver) Pros: 1-It gave me that feeling you get when you had a really good night's sleep without being under the influence of caffeine or any stimulant. 2- The feeling of being awake made it much easier for me to focus on my tasks for longer periods, it felt good to focus. 3-It generally made me feel happy and energetic but focused and relaxed too, I always wanted that zen mode of being able to focus without feeling overstimulated. 4- I had really smooth come-ups and come-downs. 5- My memory was doing much better than before meaning it didn't take much effort to remember things that mattered most. 6-I could take it on a daily basis without feeling any noticeable side effects. 7-It goes pretty well with caffeine for me (keep in mind I don't drink much caffeine and I also delay it after 1 or 2 hours of waking up). 8-Long duration, 100mg was enough for me to stay awake and focused for 8 to 10 hours and more. 9-I could work out on it in the morning after taking it though I try not to overtrain. Cons: 1-I realized that I tend to rely on it sometimes to not sleep an extra hour or two that I rather need for my body to recover because I know that modafinil will make it easier to stay awake on less slept hours. 2-In some cases of stressful situations, I did find that it was a bit harder to calm down my anxiety but a bit of breathing well did the trick for me. 3- There aren't many studies that I'm aware of that track the long-term use of it (please share if you do know any). 4- Higher doses did feel like a slight comedown sometimes. These are the Pros and Cons I can think of right now but I can sum it up by saying Modafinil was a true gamechanger for me however i don't know if i will be taking it long term for now, it will probably depend on some different factors like me having focus and wakefulness for good sleep, nutrition and exercise etc, if i can get what i need from these i think i will probably stop using modafinil 4 to 5 times a week and leave it for some special days when i need more focus and energy for now. hope this helps guys and do share your experience if you have any, cheers.
  7. it was a suggested video, the one about death, that's the first one ever i remember, then i liked Leo's approach to explaining things...
  8. @Terell Kirby I see what you mean , so relative to my tiny ego I cannot be eternal، but the real self is?
  9. So I'm imagining the past and the future all the time , and there's nothing but this present moment which many call eternal, can anyone who understands this deeply give me the tip of the rope to really grasp the profundity of this? The most logical understanding for me about this concept is that our life is like a film tape and we can't view all of it at once , so every moment existed for ever? I do realize that time is something we're imagining, and it gives the illusion of that we are experiencing life in a linear way, but isn't the present moment present because we imagine the difference of past and future? So what is meant when we say "eternal now"? Thanks
  10. Okay so this is a habit I've been doing that is making my mornings just so much better and gives me a boost of energy of almost 4 hours without needing caffeine. It's pretty simple: Your body has a Circadian rhythm gets manipulated by light, there are cells in your brain that exist only to tell the body what time it is so it releases the correct chemicals and hormones at the correct time , but the problem is that staying in bed at 8 am and looking through the window will most of the time not cut it, since you need more lux (a way to measure light) to activate the circadian rhythm correctly, what is recommended is actually going outside for at least 5 to 10 minutes, there's a huge difference between staying inside and going outside you'll have to try it yourself to see, and artificial light is not enough. After that I take a hot shower followed by a cold one , cold showers have been proven to be effective to release norepinephrine in the Brain and this energizing the body and releasing dopamine so that you get the motivation to hit the day. I like to delay caffeine after 2 hours at least of waking up, it helps prolong my focus time whenever without having a bad crash early. Good luck
  11. @Leo Gura right! it also dreams up certain boundaries ;D
  12. So Our relationship with time creates the illusion of continuation, human consicousness experiences what we call life in a way that resembles a film, each life is a unique strip that has the illusion of a watcher and the screen, without the screen the watcher wouldn't be able to know he exists since he will be everything (although it turns out he is ) and the mere concept of a screen of course implies a watcher, the watcher is merely a sense of self, this sense of self creates what we call experience because experience is a referential feature to consicousness, he hallucinates the screen, the notion of time, and his sense of existence. But what about this very moment ? Are we all watching our strips of film together? Or does God (as us) watches them one by one? for example I can say 100% that I'm experiencing something right now, and you can too, but is God seeing only the ones who are in our time frame (although you can argue that's relative to is now)? Or is he also experiencing people hundreds of years ago ex? Would like to hear your thoughts. Ps: will the film run once?
  13. A good documentary on a mostly blue small religious minority in Israel:
  14. Not sure if this got asked, but are you still working on the same book about self-deception?
  15. @cetusWhat a beauty! guess it wants to contemplate existence too