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Well yes, that's correct in my opinion. But it's also important to underline that the general male audience of this community is spiritual and advanced. If this forum had a female pickup section it would have a lot of female selfish content as well. Dating and sexuality are survival topics. It's always necessary to remember it.... judging actualized.org from the dating section is ridiculous. Just like judging Teal Swan's work only from her alien-obsessed fans. That's it. I will not continue the discussion, since this section of the forum is actually very low awareness You can tell by the aggressiveness here

Yo Bro! We will ascend high up to the 5th density and unite with our galactic space family. We will be embraced by the highest vibrations possible! Then we kick them reptilian alien nazis right in the caballz. If this doesn't happen. I'll put 6 month worth of 5-meo-dmt up my ass and then I'll definitely ascend! 5th dimension FTW!!! Yeah!

This is creating two categories called "conspiracy theory" and "different perspective". How we define the boundaries between those two categories is relative. For you, is any belief simply a "different perspective". Imagine a group believed that Angel Merkel was an alien from the planet Xenon and was working with Bill Gates to develop a vaccine that will transform humans into Xenites. The coronavirus is a hoax to distract the public. We are in danger and must unite to fight the evil Xenonites and Bill Gates. . . Would you consider this a "different perspective" that is just as valid as the perspective that Merkel is a human being and the coronavirus is a real virus? Would you seriously engage with someone who was trying to convince you of an alien invasion from Xenon as if their beliefs had merit? I think most people would agree that the alien Xenon takeover story is a batshit crazy conspiracy theory. Yet it's not always cut and dry. there are different degrees: some narratives may be a mixture of conspiracy and realness. For example, it looks like there is some evidence that the coronavirus originated as a lab leak. Yet, this evidence has been mixed with some ideas that seem conspiratal. So where do you draw the line? The challenging part is doing introspection to examine one's belief. One's own beliefs seem reasonable to that person due to assumptions and lack of introspection. To someone who believes in an alien invasion from Xenon, it is reasonable. It is their perspective. They assume it is true, so they don't question it. They seek out confirmation from others to confirm it and they avoid cognitive dissonance of conflicting information. As well, we could say the belief "the coronavirus is a hoax perpetrated by the government to take over. Masks, lockdowns and vaccines are all part of the government mind control plan". For most reasonable people, this would be a "conspiracy theory", yet the person holding those views doesn't see it that way. They believe they are awake and everyone else are sheep. They won't look at any evidence of the existence of viruses. All that "evidence" is part of the plan. Yet as I mentioned, it gets much more complex. It's not as simple as either "different perspective" or "conspiracy theory"

@Parththakkar12 False accusations is a piece within a larger context. Simply focusing on one piece of a larger system will create distorted views. For example, we could focus on the fact that a small percentage of people that receive a vaccine have serious adverse side effects. That is a problem. However, if we stay contracted within that piece it will create a very distorted view. Imagine being an alien and the only information you have is that humans stick a needle into an arm, inject something and a few people get seriously sick. It would make no sense to have vaccinations. We would take the side of people that were harmed by vaccinations. Yet this is a distorted, contracted view. A greater understanding comes from zooming in and out. We would need to zoom out to see the larger context. . . "Oh. . . in the bigger picture, vaccinations are intended to give people immunity from a pathogen". However, if someone is contracted within anti-vaccing, they will not be able to zoom out and see other components of a larger picture. A narrow lens has some value, yet is within a larger context. For example, false accusations of rape is a problem - yet that is one piece of a larger social illness of rape and domestic violence. To have a high conscious understanding, one would need to be able to zoom into aspects of the social illness (such as false rape accusations, valid rape accusations, domestic violence, non-deadly strangulation, support services, justice system etc.) and also be able to zoom out. If a mind is locked into one component, it will have a limited, distorted view. For example, if someone spent their life working in a shelter for battered women, they might get contracted into that reality. Similarly, if a man believes society is out to get him for one false move, that will distort his vision.

@Inliytened1 I can imagine that for example Earth exists outside of my Consciousness. So when i die for example, and maybe reincarnate as an Alien in another planet the Earth still continues to exist. I mean that the Earth is maybe being 'held' by the Consciousness of God whether i perceive it or not. That's how i envision it.

Let me skip the foundational aspects for now as I'd like to jump to the deeper aspects as soon as possible. Can you communicate with reality? What does it mean to communicate with reality vs non-reality? Again, let's to a jump and move to Openness. How can you communicate with reality if you block it out? Low latent inhibition. What are you looking to preserve? What is it about this biology that is so meaningful to you that you find the need to protect yourself from an aspect of reality? Of course, everyone has their own pet to choose from in the realm of openness but I've decided to no longer block out any form of communication from any aspect of reality at any time (outer space, inner space, interspace, whatever it is I'll be open to it, wherever, whoever, whenever). For me, this is about embracing the chaos of life so that I can experience life as fully and as deeply as possible with no stone unturned. I'm not afraid to die, suffer, be injured, etc in the deepest sense then I'm not afraid to live as fully and deeply as possible. I however must workout what those deepest levels are by extending my consciousness to the far reaches of reality as much as possible combined with simply observing what's directly in front of me. Now I may not be able to get back to said inter-dimensional alien straight away, I might not even have anything to say back to them, but my communication will be true to my creative being as much as possible, which leads me into discriminating between automaton like mechanistic action (or how I will refer to it, manipulated action) and creative action. Joe Rogan podcast anyone? This goes to any human as well. By taking on this stance you fundamentally change the way you think about yourself, reality and the spectrum of beings within it. I am a chaos worshipper, in terms of its ability to articulate my being forward to the next stage, not in the purely destructive sense though destruction itself is a vital component to said chaos that moves me closer to that vital goal for me. It's important at least for me to realise that to communicate with reality it has nothing to do with mechanistic action / manipulated action (not referring to psychological manipulation though this would be a subset)? Manipulated action is used for what? For non-creative beings and instruments essentially, you manipulate your action because you expect a certain result from those actions because you've inferred patterns about an aspect of reality that you see more or less instrumental like, see cognitive biases as an example. Cognitive biases, like confirmation bias, are representative of more or less "survival cognitive errors' of the brain because it was metabolically useful to organise the brain to have them in this way relative to the tradeoff between evolution that oriented itself in this manner versus evolution that oriented itself towards managing the environment in a more adaptable way. What are some ways we can think of to generate less instrumental conversation and more conversation that leads to places ways we didn't expect? Most materialists assume the materiality of the self versus its fluidity, so they take it as instrumental to compartmentalise their actions in this materialistic sense because they find a sense of safety in it, though to even conclude "because they find a sense of safety in it" is to implicitly superimpose this mechanistic idea of being that can be reductionalistically organised in this manner. Further, any subject they take into their fMRI labs (though not fMRI labs contain strict materialists) they're automatically assuming that they'll be able to predict, probe and prod said subject quite mechanistically relative to whatever goal they seek to create in the lab - insert neuralink conspiracy theories here as a tangential side-note. In this case of blocking out an aspect of reality what are we doing? We're manipulating our relationship to reality relative to the natural flow of reality outside our automatic action, but perhaps, at least to me, all automatic actions get thrown into the volcanic cooking pot of actions to be re-created, aka evolved, this notion of course being the foundation to any progress one can ultimately make in their life. It's important to disentangle this idea of manipulated action from actions that arise from ones creative essence. If you're talking to a being with assumptions you're essentially running on the idea that they're a being a being that can be manipulated relative to those assumptions. Bear in mind, most people operate under the same intrinsic assumptions when communicating newly with one another, this is what's referred to as "small talk", which is perhaps just code for "is this person capable of a deeper conversation?" Ironically for most that's not the case, however they've been genetically and culturally engineered to facilitate this modality as a way operating in human speak. If your goal is to foster deep forms of communication with people its so important you don't operate formulaically either with yourself or the other person. Instead, take on an open ended stance of no expectations and assumptions paired with an expanded reference frame and creative differentiation inside the perceptual organisation within the chaos that follows there. This is the first of many entries, the sum of which will contain many varied layers I've never had the insight to produce for until now, this here being the first subset to openness and depth (the latter in relation to mechanistic/manipulated action).

How do know what we are. The whole of all life is a miracle and a great mystery. So maybe we are part of great alien experiments put here eons ago. Really no one knows how life got here. There are lots of questions but very few answers. Theory of evolution seems to go against that. We actually evolved from more primitive life forms.. Not designed by a higher power. Let aside that Aside from the crystal clear evolutionary evidence it is not possible to build a robot with human behavior or even rat behavior.

Went into the lake this morning. While going in the thoughts were recognized. I felt the story of me and a friend going to the lake every day and the possibility that others might join in th future. It felt so alien, like me as an alien looking at this human creation and being somewhat detached to not really make sense of it.

Wherever I go in my own country, I feel like I'm a stranger in some other land. Worse, I'm noticing people treat me like I'm weird and alien, like I'm from someplace else. Just trying to be social sucks, like they already shoot me down before I start engaging with them. This is such a depressing feeling.

@Logan Thank you for your advice. I try to pass the day, and live simple. Maybe people treat me as simple minded? I do come more from a place of abundant lack, but I do the positive affirmations and visualizations for a positive self. Still treated like an alien from another world, being social is being a grind, but I have achieved a victory at least, I got someone to small talk with me for about 10 seconds.

I've instantly noticed how much of a comfort food is. It feels very strange to not eat at all, it's an alien feeling to deny yourself the comfort you so look forward to every day of your life. I've also noticed how sneaky the mind is at trying to get out of this situation, a cold shower would be a good reset right now.

Folks, did you see the episodes when the nazi reversed engineered alien space vehicles brought by some negative reptilian humanoids? That better not be David Icke writing the script.

I agree this would be a good one. I am a pescatarian, because I love sushi so much... but most of the time, I’m vegan. Part of me does believe that some people’s bodies do need meat, because I’m a weirdo who believes that humans are a genetic experiment from different alien races (hence all of the human races), and that some of the species we inherit from need meat more than others. However, I also feel like some people who claim they tried to be vegan and it didn’t work for their body just didn’t explore their options enough. There is convincing evidence that a whole-food, plant-based diet is the healthiest way to go for humans and the planet. But who really knows? Maybe Leo does.

Not really. I believe to be an alien hybrid. I don't need it. I am not kidding. Arc

Last night I watched Leo's "guided exercise for realizing you are god" on a little bit of Kratom. And it sparked some opening and expansion in my consciousness. What an incredibly powerful video that is. I've kind of gotten into the habit of not doing any spiritual work while not on a psychedelic because they deliver every time you want them to, and to an alien extent. But I want to get back into contemplating more daily and meditating or shamanic breathwork. I'll probably watch the guided video on infinite consciousness tonight to keep the momentum going. About two hours ago while I had finished working out, I was walking and contemplating the distance that kept shortening until I reached a point where I couldn't go further. I became very lucid and felt like I was literally inside a dream, dreaming the distance coming closer to me. While my awareness had just been stood there at the same spot forever. Consciousness is a very alien thing while being nothingness at the same time.

For the last 10 years or so I've lived with this painful sense of urgency. It's like this constant awareness that my short life will be over soon and there's something critical that I need to accomplish before that or else my mission here would have been a failure. I don't know what that something is, maybe it's enlightenment, or a specific experience or some sort of realization about the nature of reality or maybe I just need to prove to myself that I am not a loser. Regardless I've been mostly unable to relax because of this feeling and have had to rely on substances like weed or just watching TV shows in order to be able to slow down a little bit. There is a Buddhist story about Naropa and Tilopa called Tilopa's shoe. Basically it's about Naropa doing an evil deed out of spite and then a dakini appears in front of him and tells him that unless he finds Tilopa and achieves enlightenment, he will not be able to avoid the karma of his bad deed and he will be doomed. So he becomes incredibly anxious and starts looking for this Tilopa everywhere. Finally he finds Tilopa and after a long and excruciating set of lessons he finally becomes realized. So I feel a little bit like this Naropa guy - that if I don't find this in time I am doomed. That if I don't wake up or create my soul in time I am doomed. There are all kinds of negative consequences of that because when you believe something like that everyone else who is not on a journey like this seems like an alien to you. You see some village people peacefully tending to their garden and you think to yourself - look at these simpletons they've never even read one book and have no clue about spirituality. They are clueless and doomed. Also I've noticed that this feeling makes me take life too seriously and I've lost my ability to joke and enjoy the present. It's always do or die. It's always "I will relax when I am done.". So I want to understand what this feeling is and where it comes from. Obviously this is some sort of "destination-type" thinking rather than enjoying the journey, but that realization alone is not enough to transcend it or understand it. What is this sense of urgency, what is this calling? This is the quote that I resonate most with in regards to this situation: "Blessed is he who has a soul, blessed is he who has none, but woe and grief to him who has it in embryo." - Gurdjieff. P.S. Or as one spiritual teacher suggested it could simply be an issue of not having enough sex...

A lot of people pray for others but it doesn't seem to have much effect. I'm open to telepathy and such working but you would have to be really good at it and maybe the people involved would also have to be receptive. If you have an adversion to taking action in real life then I would guess you have an under active manipura chakra (power centre). If this is so I would recommend the following meditation: Take a seat, keep your back straight and assume a gentle smile. Breathing deeply. On the out-breath, feel a joyful, generous power radiate from a point in your gut/navel area/manipura chakra location out into every direction, filling your entire body and radiating ouwards Hold the out-breath for a little while, holding the feeling of joy, power. Imagine a beautiful, powerful sun i your gut, the size of a basketball, radiating beautiful, warm, nurturing, blindingly bright light. Feel its light fill you with vitality. Then everyone in the universe equally, like the sun nourishes all life on earth. Even alien life looks up into the night sky and become mesmerized by the distant sight of our sun. Feel your loving breath stoking the fire of your sun like a flame needs oxygen. Your power becomes infused with love and becomes a vehicle for the healing power of love. Feel the humor of the life, laugh it up, heal the world with the sound of bubbling joy. Feel the uter perfection of the world. Feel completely at peace. Continue step 2, 3 and 4 while keeping your sense of peace. Do it for as long as you like, I recommend 30 minutes. You can experiment with placing the sun in the middle of your head and radiating joy from there. This simultaneously opens the third eye chakra. It will feel absolutely blissful. You can experiment with imagining a muscular, masculine, wise and loving deity. You are inside of him and his muscles and skin are like a exoskeleton to you. Your manipura chakras align and you share the same sun. You now feel his power and joy as your own.

Plugging the holes of Maslows Pyramid, as well as having an awakening experience and directly realizing the ENORMITY of awakening would both help. Did you watch the Matrix movies? Neo was offered a red pill (= harsh truth and exiting the matrix) and a blue pill (= getting lost in illusion again). Some people would take the red pill no matter what, no matter how tough the truth might be. They just want to know the truth. While other people's number one priority is happiness. They would choose happiness over Truth (blue pill). You might be in some alien matrix right now! You know nothing about reality. You have a good conceptual understanding of nonduality, but it's basically worthless. Its only value is as a pointer towards a potential truth. But you have no idea whether it is total bs or not. It doesn't matter how many people tell you what Truth and Reality is, in the end you are just imagining these stories. And are left wihout a hint of Truth. You can't trust any teacher whatsoever. They could be evil aliens in disguise, trying to keep you in the illsuion! Reality could be completely different!!! I am dead serious!!! I'm not just refering to "yeah it's still just a concept until you get it". I'm pointing to something more radical than that. What enlightened people say has no value for getting an idea what Truth/Reality is. It could be completely different. That it might be completely different, has the same probability, from your pov!!! Do you realize the significance?? You are completely clueless. And so deep in illusion that you think you know conceptually what Truth/Reality is. You could be in a matrix, in an alien lab, seperate from God, an experiment of an evil God...... You have 0 idea. If you get this, this should give you chills. Doesn't this make you curious? You could go and actually figure out what Reality/Truth/God is. The red pill is 5meo. ?

@Baludi "the implications of this would mean huge fucking madness." Sort of.. I mean.. the only reason you think 'this' (whatever is happening now) isn't 'huge fucking madness', is because you think it's not. It is. What's up with peeing? That's madness. Have you seen worms? Madness!! What about relationships? Madness!! None of it really makes any sense. It might as well be Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. If you had a different perspective, say an alien looking down on Earth who had never experienced anything remotely similar to what's occurring here.. THIS would seem like the 'alien' reality... THIS would appear to be 'huge fucking madness'. You tell yourself a convincing story, that all of this 'whatever it is' makes some kind of sense.. but c'mon man.. this shit (reality) is off the chains. Consider the notion that 'nothing' and 'everything' really are no different.. nothing can not be described, because it has no qualities.. no size, no shape, no color, no weight... in other words.. it's has no 'limits'.. Nothing, just like Everything, is 'formless' or 'limitless' or 'indescribable' or 'infinite'. 'Nothing/Everything' only 'seems' or 'appears' like 'Something'. Seeming, or Appearing, is the same as 'dreaming' or 'pretending'. That's why people say 'life is just a dream'.. or Reality is Imaginary.. 'Somethingness' is literally 'imagined into being' or 'Created'. How, you might ask? Well, it seems that one of the infinite possibilities of 'Nothing/Everything' is 'pretending to be separate from itself' or 'dual rather than non-dual'.. or 'many things rather than one thing', by imposing 'imaginary limits' on itself.. these 'limits' take the form of 'duality'. Up vs. Down. Light vs. Dark. Self vs. That which is not Self. (recognize that Up and Down only have meaning 'relative' to each other.. you can't have just Up, and not Down) Duality is the 'mechanism' of Creation. It's literally how 'Nothing/Everything/Oneness' 'Seems Like' 'Something/Many Things'. Madness.

Imagine that I was an alien from Mars, with no sense of the human concepts of religion or of God. How would you describe God to me? Maybe the answer is as simple as "Infinite Love" and there would be no need lean on other concepts. Might there be other descriptions would be helpful for communicating Infinite Love to a non-human mind?

I would tell the alien from Mars the same thing I would tell the human from Earth. Want to find God? Look within.

@Fkdel hahaha I know what you mean. It's the manipura chakra. Try infusing that energy with love. That energy in its purest form is joyful, powerful generosity towards yourself and others. Subtle aggression is a subtle contraction in the manipura chakra. What you really seek is joy and loving power. There is a kernel of true joy and power in aggression which is why we like it but we can dispense of the aggression and keep the power.I As we develop a chakra it goes from inactive to contracted and active to open and active. A chakra is on the spectrum between these three states. Your manipura chakra is obviously close to completely open and active but it's not all the way. The inactive version of manipura chakra is submissive, powerless and has victim complex. The contracted and active version of manipura is aggression. Active and open manipura is pure radiating joy and generous power. This energy is sun energy, that's why fire is the element of manipura, the sun is made of fire. I don't judge subtle aggression(I use the word aggression very lightly, but i think you know what I mean), it's a powerful energy. I'm not saying that you should get rid of it because it's bad. I'm just inviting you to get what is so awesome about it and pursue the awesomeness in its purest form. For the sake of happiness, joy and love Try doing this meditation: Assume a gentle smile. Breathing deeply. On the out-breath, feel this love-infused, joyful, generous power radiate from your gut/navel area/manipura chakra location out into every direction. Hold the out-breath for a little while Imagine a beautiful, powerful sun i your gut, radiating beautiful, warm, nurturing, blindingly bright light. Feel it nourishing you. Then everyone in the universe equally, like the sun nourishes all life on earth. Even alien life looks up into the night sky and become mesmerized by the distant sight of our sun. Feel your loving breath stoking the fire of your sun like a flame needs oxygen. Feel the humor of the life, laugh it up, heal the world with the sound of bubbling joy. Feel the uter perfection of the world. Feel completely at peace. Continue step 2, 3 and 4 while keeping your sense of peace. Do it for as long as you like, i recommend 30 minutes. You can experiment with placing the sun in the middle of your head and radiating joy from there. This simultaneously opens the third eye chakra. It will feel absolutely blissful. If you try the meditation then do tell me how it goes. I'm curious. Good luck!

Monday 15/03/2021, 23:00 What can I do, write, say, think, examine, explore to make a difference? I don't know the thing to be changed nor the difference to be made, if the knowledge matters anyway. Discipline, forcing, deprivation, "masculine vs feminine" I have addiction. If I stop masturbating, then the urge comes up, and I feel like I'm depriving myself. Don't eat the unhealthy food I want, urge comes up, and I feel like I'm being deprived. Becoming like an upset and angry child who feels deprived. What's the way to go? "Gentle vs forcing". How does one discipline when there's strong feelings of upset in doing so? Something feeling very significant just came to mind... In me has been the drive achieve something, get some goal, perfect some thing, ambition to reach something high. If I'm honest, I probably got the drive/incentive when I was younger out of a desire to please or make my dad proud. Until just now I don't think I ever acknowledged it or thought of it that way. This insight has probably come to mind before but I forgot about it. Forgetfulness, distraction, amazing defence mechanisms. "I feel a certain type of scare and fear in examining this", ofc those are labels about what I'm feeling but....it's the truth here. Maybe this is the last thing I'd want to let go of..."how could I?". I always want more. Before that thing came to mind, I thought this was gonna be a long verbal inquiry, but perhaps that shortened my search time to the essence? Rarely is it that a thought strikes such an internal/buried chord, I can feel this is definitely something important. But if I have no desire or ambition or goals, then what am I or why am I here? Perhaps what being looked at is not all forms of motivation in of in themselves, just removing this particular thorn and now this thorn is replicating and hosting in thoughts. I fear oblivion. Ugh I'm still lost, but im not sure if Im just saying that so I can move on and distract myself from this....Also, I hate my dad. But its moreso funny -- Ugh, but where does that leave me or what I'm supposed to do. Is this the reason I no longer mediate or listen to people like Alan Watts in a long time? Out of an ego backlash of not wanting to surrender? Even now I'm not sure of if I shall or what surrender means, and in saying that I'm trying to replicate the method of other people who use that word and language. Lack of flow and concentration is/of ___ . Slow it down. Where does thinkingness, motion come from? So I might be more in the present moment now for some time but present is forcing to stay in the present "Stay in the moment" "Don't lose the focus" "Don't lose the flow" and the flow get confused with the repetition of return. THE BIG PROBLEM IS THAT THE MOMENT YOU SEEK TO DESCRIBE AND TALK ABOUT IT ITS ALREADY GONE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA`A`A`A`A`AQA`AA`AAAAA`ZAZ`A`AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASZ`AZASAZHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OBHBOHBIYOBOUVYIBVIP. THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SINGULARITY OF MAYA ARE STILL MAYA. I feel a familiar feeling which has been lost for a while now. Image is coming to mind of 16 year old me in the shower in the black-tiled bathroom, listening to Sam Harris "Waking Up" audio. Why was I so happy then and had dimensions of emotions not normally here? Why do I feel an alien to my own past? What happened? Who am I? What am I? I want it back.... The catalogue of impressions and fractured DPDR self-history and continuity/familiarity with past, thats the description of whats going on. When did I start feeling this way. Did this blackhole happen before or after that time in 2nd year when I abruptly stopped taking anti-depressants? What were the emotions I can feel back in 1st year uni despite being suicidal then? Ahhh its driving my crazy, my disconnection and alienation from that. What happened and what am I. Not having that dimension/feeling structure is the same as losing memory of it. All of a sudden just now I can remember faint whiffs of it, and I miss it. Why is that? Do I lack it? Is it to be reconnected with? KLOI[JP[NPIBO[U09JONBPJOPNPNIPHUBHIPUBIPHUBHIPBHPIUBP jnkjnjknkjnj When did I lose that dimension/structure, where, why and how? Remember when you were 13, Mujtaba, and you prayed to Allah, 100% believing in his infinite mercy and infinite goodness. Remember that bliss and feeling like a walking Jesus Christ? Where and what am I now? Did that happen at all? Why is gone. Remember when you stared at your homework diary calendar during spring time in year 9 2014, and decided that you'd put off thinking of religion for a while? Staring at the open blank pages for April was I? Remember when you were in Pakistan in December 2013, the religiosity and peace of mind you had? Remember what then happened in 2016? You went to Saudi Arabia in Mecca and Medina, reflected on Islam for one last real time, and realised very consciously you believed none of it. Then you went to Pakistan, and entered a black hole of psychological and spiritual depression. You discovered TJ Kirk, sleep on that Charpai next to the bathroom, Khurram Bai got shocked when you used up 2GB of internet so quickly. In Dec 2013 in pakistan, it was then you would listen to Nouman Ali Khan videos on YouTube when lying down in that room. %$£%^ your sister would sleep in that room sometimes as well? Was it 2013 or 2016 in Pakistan when you stared at the ceiling in your parents room, lying in bed, realising the existential dread of heaven and hell being forever? Heaven forever seemed scary for it was forever. This was definitely 2013 im pretty sure. Has my IQ and intelligence decreased compared to when I was 13 and 16? My life is one crazy fucking trip and idk wtf is going on. My sanity teeters on the edge of psychosis, but psychosis never happened. When did you transition from atheist to non-duality and zen dude? If my history and past is correct, I only actually got formally depressed at the end of 2017, and it as at this time I joined the actualised forum? "Blackhole" (in this context), when the experience of suffering and hell is so great that you dissociate to such unbelievably large degrees that the line between mental and physical is unknown, real and unreal breaks, where your mental noise and state completely overwrites the external world and you BLACKOUT from your experience. Suffering and pain so large that my memory blacked out, and I'm confused, dazed, fragmented. Multiple blackouts, and multiple blackholes. What the fuck am I to do? Idk what I am, up and down are flimsy. Who or what can guide me? Is such a thing even rational to say? Remember 1st year summer, sitting by the water fountain, and discussing C.G. Jung with my brother, which then turned into a general discussion about spirituality? Is my entire life this blackhole now? Jesus fucking christ. Why was a 12 year old researching and questioning islam? How did everything string into this? What were the surreal and mystical spiritual experiences I had as a 13 year old islamic fundamentalist? Atheist? An avid meditator? What is it all? And when did I enter this more permanent depression, lack of vitality and despondency? Remember when you were 7, going to Madrassah or Thursday night when Shia family friends gathered? Remember the questions you'd ask about Islam? Asking your dad and Uncle Masoor different things. What laylat-ut-qadr nights was it that I randomly decided the fear of god reached me that night and I prayed, but changed my mind the next day? It was the same night Uncle Mansoor and everyone gathered at our home. Were there previous laylat-ut-qadr I was praying? What was the sincerity and intention at those times? Is Dua Kumayl just bullshit? My consciousness now vs my consciousness then, it literally feels like two different realities. Two different worlds, different universes. My past consciousness is just a dream and thought at this point, but I just feel so discordant. Ugh, it seems like I was already born to be on the edge of insanity, thrown into all of this right from the start, none of it makes sense. Images, symbols and the unconscious just keep flooding the mind. At least I feel more awake now, a small slap, I now realise the magnitude of my real and core problems. I now realise that my problems are so bizarre and spiritual that a traditional rational doctor would be useless. A normie wouldn't understand the out of worldly bliss of connecting to god as a religious fundamentalist when you're 13 and feeling like a walking Jesus Christ, and im sure that even back then I felt weird disconnections as what was all supposed to be myth is causing these intense emotions and experiences, its all just so dreamlike, bizarre, ungrounded, unreal. It will all just sound completely crazy, right from the start My sense of disconnection, all the blackouts, whenever I get a whiff of my past, I get a mixture of outrage, excitement and dread! When those rare whiffs do happen, I journal or write and just go on a spree writing all those things down. Almost like I'm trying to slap myself awake with all these things from the past! Slap myself awake that this disconnection exists! How shocking and bizarre!

Donald Trump agrees On day 1 of your latest retreats, you took 5-MeO and it was Total Absolute Truth but then the next day you took it again and you said it was even more Total, and then the next day... So you supposedly experienced Absolute Totality (it felt like it) but then your next day trip invalidated it because it was way more Total. You may say logic doesn't apply there but then you do use logic selectively when it serves you to confirm all that stuff. What if in 10 years new substance comes out and experience on this substance invalidates the truth of 5-MeO experiences? How can you know what you experienced is Absolute Truth if an alien with 10x the size of your brain and different neurochemistry may reach way higher states of consciousness? You know what I mean. It reminds me of this conversation: You mean like stuff like dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, etc., or brainwaves? To my knowledge techniques change brainwaves but not neurochemistry When you trip on psychedelics do sudden unexpected sounds startle you more, less, or the same as in your sober normal state? I have some hypothesis about the difference in how psychedelics and deep Samatha meditation affects conscious experience but need to take more psychedelics to confirm. When I get to effortless attention my awareness is so strong it makes a big difference in how sudden unexpected sounds affect me, it's like I'm always ready, prepared for some loud bomb to blast off yet calmer than ever. Long term meditators can get to a state where even sound equivalent to a gunshot near the ear don't startle them at all

It gives you way more than the enlightenment any of these teachers have. I have realized shit on DMT that these spiritual teachers cannot even imagine. You have to understand that a human's version of enlightenment is such a limited thing. Just try to imagine how much richer of an enlightenment an alien with a brain 5 times that of a human might have. These teachers will tell you it's all the same and brians don't matter. But that's wrong. They just don't know any better.