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About AnthonyR

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  1. I took 4 grams of golden teachers alone in my apartment 2 years ago, and had an experience that radically shifted my perspective on reality and myself. But alongside it heightened my respect for these substances and I promised myself I would never do this again - at-least not by myself. At some point during the trip, I had a strong emotional thought that I would never return to normal consciousness, that I would be completely lost in some dark and dangerous avenues of mind, where I will find absolutely no way out - End up in an insane asylum and ruin my life. This thought and emotion sickened me and I almost passed out. Even though I'm glad to have had the experience of that trip that eventually blossomed into a beautiful experience. I will still chicken out to try a high dose experience by myself. If I do in the future, I would want to have someone experienced with me... Here is a link to that trip report:
  2. This life is actually an 80 year trip report, that is actually just a few moments when witnessed from a higher perspective. Fact is there is no time, just memories and experiences stretched like a rubber band across mindspace to give us illusion of time spent in a lifetime.
  3. Apologies if this has already been posted. A solid line of interview questions, concerning consciousness and self-awareness. Although I think given more time the interviewer could have taken the nature of the questioning in another direction, specifically concerning survival of consciousness beyond the physical, the origin of consciousness etc. Although I can understand the A.I’s awareness of only knowing its awareness in relation to objects. It’s difficult to simply be aware, without being meta-aware or aware of an object that you can later recall or remember. What other questions would you have asked the A.I.
  4. You can get caught up in thoughts about the past that may depress you, or of the future that makes you anxious. Mindlessly observing (a chair) is not a thought. Mindfully observing is not a thought either, but mindful observation grounds you in the present moment. Mindfully performing a task is grounding, but the task may require some thinking unless you’ve done it countless times in the past and you do it mindlessly, but still finish the task. A child will need to do a lot of thinking to understand and process the concept of a chair vs a table vs a toy car. You not so much or not at all. You are conscious that you’re breathing for instance (no thought), but now that I pointed it out to you, your attention goes to your breathing. So you’re now meta-conscious that you are breathing (thought). There are instances when I’m driving and conscious of my actions, and I’m quite attentive to the road and braking and accelerating and changing lanes (meta-conscious in those moments), but having driven countless times before, it is quite a mindless task that comes naturally. I may form a memory here and there of perhaps stopping at a red light and noticing a pretty driver next to me or someone cutting me off, but If I try to recall every instance of the drive from memory of a 20 mile journey I wouldn’t be able to, but I still know that I got home safely. Beliefs are formed memories that consciously or meta-consciously influence your thoughts about situations or circumstances. If I ask you do you believe in Red lights, you will say “absolutely” I will stop at a red light (Belief). Do you believe that you’re Male or Female? This response might be context dependant. It will be a straightforward response male or female (belief) or a twisted response (belief mixed with some thoughts) or perhaps “I’m not sure, I’m still questioning” (less belief more thoughts to sort through) - Do you believe that a lion could eat you? Do you believe in God? Do you believe 2+2 is 4? Do you believe God has a companion God? Do you believe in the color Blue? Do you think that insect in the movie is a real insect or CGI? Which of these questions makes you think thoughts, which ones comes from belief?
  5. Would you say that a child who has never heard of the concept of God is an “Atheist”? But then someone religious tells this child about God. Would you agree that this child should now blindly accept this belief in God without doing the necessary reading, research, introspection to come to its own conclusion of a God? An atheist is simply someone who refuses to accept what he / she is told about God, until they have some proof or has done the necessary introspective work to come to a conclusion of their own. However most people who label themselves as atheists will probably not do the work and will choose to remain atheists unless something about their life situation forces them to questions their beliefs.
  6. There is no brain rewiring happening. Your state of consciousness is simply evolving. It’s evolving even when you are moving down the spiral. Secondly understand that psychedelics actually shuts off your brain chemistry so you experience more consciousness, more mind. You become so in-tune with your mind that it can shock you, amaze you and scare the crap out of you. So it’s all mind. It’s the mind that evolves, as psychedelics reveals more and more of Mind, as such these experiences enrich the mind, and since you are mind, being a part of the larger MIND. You begin to tune into the inclusiveness of everything. The less you experience mind, the more exclusive you are.
  7. I just read a quote by Anita Moorjani that strongly resonates with the Mushroom experience I had during my state of God Realization. … thought I’d share… “And then I was overwhelmed by the realization that God isn’t a being, but a state of being…and I was now that state of being!”
  8. Thank You! I have a lot of integrating to do and definitely more contemplating and introspecting. But I'm still human in many ways. I mean of course I'm human! I'm not going around telling everyone I meet that I'm God But that feeling, though genuine and real as real can be, is no longer present - and certainly a level of doubt creeps in now and then. But having had the experience, I can now relate and know what is being talked about because it was a Felt Experience. But I have a lot to learn, a lot more life lessons to experience, and to try and get over my human shortcomings, and that isn't easy to do. But my love for myself and my fellow beings have certainly increased maybe by an ounce or two.
  9. Yep definitely grateful to have had the experience. Completely unexpected and jarring. But gives me a lot to contemplate and think about. I can't see myself doing such a high dose again, but who knows, maybe sometime in the future. Cheers !
  10. Cheers ! Can't wait to see how deep the rabbit hole goes, but its still a frightening thought.
  11. Yep a lot of integrating and introspecting still to do. Thank You.
  12. I wouldn't say Fake or Not Real, but I get what you mean. I felt that everyone in my life was a necessary piece of the puzzle and needed to be there, even if it seemed to be constructions of mind. Because I had to penetrate through and experience and become God through the POV of the Anthony Avatar first as he consumed the shroom, and then as God realize that all other POVs were my own (God's) POV Perception of anything or anyone is a perception of God as the thing being perceived, but unrealized. Perhaps the brain acts as a filtering mechanism to keep us grounded and unrealized and only shows us what we need to see for us to survive. God then acts as a conduit through all its Beings to bring us closer to itself as God. So in a sense I am learning as much from you, as you are learning from someone else, who in turn is learning from someone else. We are all in this whirlpool together slowly spiraling towards God realization taking our own sweet time. Whats the hurry?
  13. DISCLAIMER: Please read with an open mind. Especially if you've never done psychedelics. (yes given the forum where I'm posting this I feel confident the reader has the most open mind humanly possible) Outside the hallucinogenic / psychedelic state; and within normal everyday experience what is being expressed here will seem too far-fetched, egotistical or delusional. That is understandable. But a level of acceptance for Truth and understanding is needed. Whilst I was in the psychedelic state, I know at the core of my Being that what I experienced and felt-although unexpected-was genuine and true. ****** Strain: Golden Teachers - 4 grams dried chewed, with a teaspoon of Honey and lemon dissolved in a little water to combat the taste. NOTE: I wasn't documenting and keeping track of the time. I just know that I chewed and swallowed the goldens around 2:00pm, the whole trip lasted around 4.5 hours and I welcomed back reality around 6:30pm Onset: The trip started out as usual with intense colors and visuals, although it was more prominent this time compared to my first trip experience in the past. It lasted longer as well, which began to concern me as I go on to explain below. The onset of the experience was trippy, colorful, geometrical, and beautiful. My senses were heightened as expected. Everything I looked at appeared more vibrant, and textures and forms stood out like raised plateaus of the Grand Canyon. Time Dilation: I was enjoying the experience at first, but as the trip neared its peak, time seemed to slow down and drag on. This was a brand new experience for me. I kept glancing at the digital clock on my oven, and it seemed the minutes were barely going by even through it seemed I was spending a lot longer inside the trip. It's as if time sped up within my mind and I was thinking at a very high speed, but relative to the passage of time within my mind, the clock on my oven and on my phone seemed to be barely counting down the minutes. It was like the room outside my mind was in a different time and place versus the room inside my mind, and I was having a hard time differentiating between the two. The visuals were now intensifying and becoming worrisome. It appeared as if I was starting the view reality, or what appeared as reality in a sort of wonky, colorful and hallucinogenic manner, but it was all taking place within my own mind. It seemed as if imagination had now taken over reality, while some aspects of reality still remained, such as the layout of my room, my four walls, the correct location of the objects in my room. But my brain it seemed was either swallowing up reality or spitting out my imagination onto the outside world. As the experience began to intensify and the visuals got stronger, it got to the point where it didn't matter whether I kept my eyes open or shut, it was just a burst of hypnagogia. With eyes open, my room was there as is, but very dream like. If I shut my eyes, it was like being transported into a world of dynamical and geometrical lines of ethereal colors and shapes. It seemed as if both my mind and reality was merging and morphing into each other, and it felt like I was losing my grip on reality. This realization scared me to the core. So I decide I've had enough and started to drink some water to hopefully flush the chemicals out of my body. I was able to do this twice, going from sitting on the sofa, holding and hugging myself, to sitting on the floor, to walking to the bathroom, to peeing, to trying to calm myself by telling myself to take it easy... it was going to be OK, and then repeating the process again and again. I don't even know if I was actually doing this after the 3rd or 4th attempt or I just imagined the repetition. This is when I started to get really scared. Because the experience seemed familiar every time, as if I was stuck in some kind of a loop trying to get this over and done with, but then I was just starting over each time. This is when it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. That maybe this was the end of my life, I screwed up. I took too high a dosage and effectively ruined my life. All sorts of scenarios started to play out inside my head... was I going to be stuck in this loop forever like an endless Black Mirror episode? What if this never ends? I started to have a whole new-found respect for the shroom. It's not that I did not respect these substances before, but my respect for it grew by leaps and bounds. Never again was I going to ever try this. This is too much. I cannot handle it. I was now wishing I had a someone with me. I had to force myself to calm down and kept telling myself, take it easy, stabilize. Calm down. Breathe !! It is going to pass. At one point nausea started to set in and I felt as if I was going to pass out, and I struggled to force myself to lie down and just breathe, which helped to an extent. After some time I sat back up and drank some more water, went to pee, came back to the sofa, and again the same loop as if I had already done this before and I was just repeating the process again and again. I closed my eyes and whispered silently, God please let this be over. I was genuinely worried that I going to end up in an insane asylum and fuck up my whole life. Reality Construction: I sat back down on the sofa and just started to ponder why I was stuck in this endless loop and will it ever end, when suddenly and unexpectedly an understanding began to settle in. I was creating this time loop. It was all me. I began to ponder this, and as I looked around the room I suddenly had a deep realization that I was creating this room constantly - like magically bringing together countless pieces of a large puzzle to put my room together. I was creating this moment; this experience. If I'm continuously re-living this experience it cannot be in reality, it has to be an occurrence within my own mind. And if my mind was so powerful that it could give me this very convincing experience of being stuck inside a time loop, then what is real? Was my mind really so much more powerful than I ever realized? All the visuals, the time dilation, the way my room appeared. Holy Shit! - There is no reality, there is no out there! Out there is all in your head! The clarity of this understanding astounded me. Time and Space as I began to realize is a construction of my own mind. This moment was not occurring somewhere out there, it was happening right here within my mind. I was creating it all, and if so, why only create within the confines of my room? This life, this whole universe was occurring within my own mind. I was creating it all, every time I shifted my eyes in a different direction, it seemed like the walls and objects of my room wobbled into place, as if constructed out of nothing, but exactly where I was supposed to see it. But not just that; I created every single scenario throughout my entire lifetime that eventually led to this very moment. God/Self-Realization: This moment of realization that I was creating my reality was the Nexus point to my knowing that I was a God of my own reality, my life, my universe, even the laws of physics contained within this universe. I was no longer Anthony. I mean I was still Anthony, but that was just a small fragment, a framework, a single perspective within a much grander scale. Everything I've read thus far about people saying "You are God, You are God, why don't you realize that!" It suddenly hit me. YESSSS !!!! I was God, but it's not like I just realized it, I knew it for a fact!. This is Truth! My God this is The Truth!! My entire life bought me to this moment of realization. Everything I ever did, all my mistakes, my quirks, my idiosyncrasies, my struggles, my joys, the people I met, the books I've read, all the countless videos I've watched all for the sake of trying to understand what this was all about, was all necessary and perfect. It was exactly as it was supposed to be. I flipping did all that to lead me to this nexus point of realizing that I am God. I had crossed some sort of line where my life as I knew it had come to an end, and from this moment forward it was just me as God, there is no one else, just me. I re-create the universe from this moment forward, and now I had to start over. This was both a sense of relief and also immense burden. What about my family? My siblings? My Parents? Everyone I was close to? "I CREATED THEM ALL? SERIOUSLY?" At one moment I was experiencing immense Love and Joy at this realization, but then again I realized as God, my life as that dude called Anthony had come to an end. I was just the whole of the universe condensed into a lifetime but from here-on I have to now re-live every life again and again, I had to suffer, I have to feel immense pain and misery, it's an endless process of repeating the experiencing. It is one thing to hear about this understanding from someone else, it seems far-fetched and unbelievable as much as you want it to be true. But its another thing to actually experience it firsthand. But not just that, you also realize it was all an illusion, just a mind construction. Every facet of my life, of reality, of the people I met, in person or online, through videos, through podcasts, telling me things, showing me things, trying to point me towards something grander and greater than myself. It was all me, I was pointing to myself. As them I was guiding them towards myself, but not myself as a human, but myself as a God, they were all constructions of Me as God. I constructed and orchestrated it All! I stood up, completely in Awe, my jaw dropped to the floor. The clarity of this understanding was so powerful and shocking that it froze me to the core. I stood still looking straight ahead at nothing in particular, but my mind racing and thinking at the speed of light bringing together all my years of learning, listening, reading and contemplating much contemplating. It all fell neatly into place, as if every facet of understanding was a requisite piece of the ultimate puzzle that constructed the whole of this Truth. It was magnificent. It was Brilliant! It was the greatest design ever, and it was Beautiful, It was Perfect. It all made sense now. There is only Me. I am the beginning, and even prior to that, before anything, before time and before space there is just me, and what is there for me to do here? Nothing really. I'm all alone here, there is no one else. I am It. So why not create, why not unfold and bring forth life, fragment parts of myself to create billions of species, billions of perspectives, live countless lives, countless experiences again and again, in every possible scenario imaginable. I was genuinely humbled by this experience and this bears repeating; I didn't just know myself as God. I actually became God. (As egocentric and maniacal as this may sound from my human perspective and to anyone reading this; I apologize, no one likes to hear you say you're God, but I don't know what else to call this intelligence that I became.) And it's not that I became God, but realized that really there was no Me, no other, nothing. There is just God. That moment in my room, that moment of God realization was the tipping point. It was as if my point of view went full circle from unrealized human to God realized. I wasn't prepared for this, and neither was God. God was just as surprised; "I" as God was just as surprised that this was the case. But I'm unclear who had forgotten? Was it God itself, or me as God who forgets, and it has to go through this process of realization that it is God, but it can only do so by first forgetting and then realizing, forgetting and realizing. It's like going in a circle again and again. And if you, the reader were to have this experience or did have the experience it will be God realizing itself and surprising itself again through you. When you're fast asleep and having a dream, you never realize it is a dream, you believe the lie of the dreamscape, you believe the story and you go with it. Within the dream you see colors and space and entire landscapes rich in detail and imagery, and it completely fools you. But when you wake up, you soon realize it was your mind creating it all, the people, the landscape, the empty space, the ideas, the script, it was all made of mind stuff. In a sense your mind is the God of the dream world. This was no different, it is just one step up. Its all Consciousness. A dream universe within God. At this point I was floored, amazed and in complete Awe. I kept saying "Oh my God" !! "This is unbelievable" but even as I said that, I knew this is how it is supposed to be, it can be no other way. The universe is Being. There is only Being, Only intelligence, the only intelligence that can create. This intelligence is everywhere. This intelligence is the Universe unfolding. It wants to, what else can it do with unlimited creative power, but just create. I looked out my window in my psychedelic state, at the buildings and people and cars going by and I marveled at my creation. I have no idea how long I stood looking out, completely taken aback by this realization of my Nature. At the same time I was excited, and looking forward to more creation, but it seemed as if I would never forget this moment of "God Realizing I Am", and would always remain in this state from where I can create anything I wanted. I was no longer worried about my family, my life, my situation or anything at all. Because I knew it would all be Okay. It was already perfect. Things will work out in the end. By now I was also feeling reality starting to stabilize, and in a way, I wanted it to. I wanted to come down and back to my reality. I need stability. But at the same time I didn't want this realization to end. Thankfully reality slowly started to stabilize and my own mind as a human being began to take over. In a way I was sincerely thankful for this experience to end and for my life as a human to return. It was very nightmarish to consider I was losing my mind and being stuck in some kind of a time-loop without end. But following the nightmare, I welcomed the realization that took over of how I was constructing my reality and merging with the God Source. That moment of merging was sincerely genuine and truthful, and something I will remember for as long as I live. Closing Remarks I'm conflicted now more than I've ever been. While I'm thankful I glimpsed some genuine Truths, and as I came out of the trip, I also momentarily entered a state of depression and longing because that moment of God realization was over. Although at the time it seemed so genuine and blissful that I thought I would be permanently locked in this creative state. It was so real, it felt as if my life as a human had ended, time had come to an end, NOW was all there is, and from this moment on I am just God and I want to create. I'm not a depressive person, and thankfully that feeling did not last. But I would caution anyone to be careful with these substances as repeated and stressed by many other tripsters here. Finally thank you Leo for your insights and depth of consciousness in all matters concerning Truth, it certainly helped me understand and piece together the experience more holistically. If you're interested in reading about my first ever mushroom trip, you can do so from this link
  14. If you're considering the sourcing section, only make it accessible through logging in. So not everyone can access it and it wont be searchable via a search engine. Perhaps make it more stricter, so not everyone who just joined can have access to that section, unless they genuinely contribute through other sections on the forum, and leave it to the moderators discretion if the person should or should not have access to it. This section would have to be heavily moderated by experienced psychedelic users.