nexusoflife

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About nexusoflife

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  • Birthday 12/05/1996

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  1. Do we have any maps or way of categorizing countries based upon their overall level of values development based on the model of Spiral Dynamics? I was just thinking about having clarification on this. For a few examples Places such as The United States, Canada, The United Kingdom, Germany, Japan, South Korea, etc all seem to be at a primarily stage orange level of development. However places such as India, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Egypt, etc appear to be at a blue stage of Spiral Dynamics values development. I was wondering what stages the various countries of the world are at. Perhaps we could create a thread of where we think certain countries and regions would fall on the spiral. Red countries, blue countries, orange countries , green countries, etc.
  2. I will provide a bit of background. I have been meditating around an hour per day since March 2014 at the age of 17. Since then I have changed much as a person. I went vegan in 2014 and have been raw vegan since 2015. I have done psychedelics including cannabis, LSD and mushrooms for purposes of nondual entheogenic exploration. As a result of my consistent meditations and mindfulness I have had a number of peak nondual experiences. I had a kundalini awakening event in June of 2017 a few days after consuming psilocybin for the first time in which during a meditation I felt a jolt of energy surge up my spine and explode in my head. Additionally I have read more books in the past 4 years than I have in the last 10. My mind has wondered and contemplated the infinite complexities of existence daily for years now. I also went through a deep dark depression with suicidal thoughts from 2016 to 2017. I have consciously been on the path of nonduality for 4 years now and I know that everything in existence is fundamentally ONE and that everything is GOD. I am well aware of the infinite fractal nature of reality and I see infinite universes in everything, not hallucinations but a deep knowing and feeling of energy from past profound experiences. Systems thinking is now my normal mode of thinking after absorbing as much information as I have. The feeling of my mind melting all started back in mid-April of 2018; Age 21. I began to notice small changes in my cognition. My memory had begun to slow and become slightly hazy. I began to behave less efficiently and complete tasks less effectively. I have spent much time writing over the past year and a half and I have always been a good writer. However since this phenomena arose in my experience I have struggled to be able to string together sentences and thoughts in writing. Thus conveying ideas through writing is growing increasingly difficult. Even writing this is proving to be quite difficult whereas a year ago a post of this length would have been no problem at all. As the months went on this feeling became more and more apparent I my life. The seeming collapse of everything that constitutes my worldview has resulted in massive amounts of confusion which are making the completion of basic daily performance decline. On my worst days there are times where I cannot even get out of bed because the feeling of absolute confusion is so immense. Focus has gone down the drain. I am frequently forgetting to eat meals due to the absolute insanity of my mind feeling like it’s melting down, and there have been countless days I the past few months where I am eating on average 800 calories per day whereas normally I would be consuming 2,100 calories per day. As a result my energy levels have tanked. I have grown very sensitive to sound to the point where loud noises can be physically painful to my ears. All sounds are louder and sharper. I have always been introverted but now I am so easily overwhelmed by modern life. Making a living feels like a burden. I feel like all of my concepts of life, reality, who I am and what life is are all melting down and basic function is becoming increasingly difficult. There is always a feeling of pressure in my mind. I am not experiencing physical pain in the brain, but a pressure of the mind. Let me give an example, typically after wake up or finishing meditation my mind feels cool and free flowing for lack of better terms. When I am having a busy day working etc my mind is being stimulated and feels warm and active for lack of better terms. Now with this meltdown/ reconfiguration happening my mind always feels hot. For the past 3 months or so my mind has felt like an overheated computer CPU. For most of my life I have functioned with one particular mental configuration. Now it feels as if that well established configuration is melting down into an unrecognizable liquid to be rebuilt into a new reconfiguration. Using an analogy; similar to the life cycle of a butterfly I have spent the entirety of my 21 years of life in mental configuration 1 analogous to the caterpillar stage of the lifecycle. I feel like this year I entered the chrysalis stage of development in which all of my concepts beliefs established patterns etc are all melting down and being “liquefied” to be reconfigured and transfigured into something new, configuration 2; analogous to the liquefication of a caterpillar in a chrysalis getting ready to enter the next stage of its life being the butterfly. Hopefully I enter into the next phase of this process sooner rather than later. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. School and work have become massive sources of sometimes crippling anxiety. I do not want to completely meltdown and loose the majority of the external structure of my life (being job loss, school loss and loss of stability) but as my mind continues to melt performance is declining in all areas of my life. I think that I am going to collapse soon. I recently had a bad panic attack regarding all of the stress this is inducing. I see broken people everywhere I go and it is hard because I can feel the pain of people I am around and yet my mind is at a point where even forming simple sentences is proving increasingly difficult. Some days I wish I never unplugged myself from the matrix of reality and society. Some days I just want to be plugged back into the matrix. Recently even my dreams are not forming correctly. The appearance of the dreamscape is now grainy and torn in many places in most of my dreams now. I feel like my 400ug LSD trip in November of 2017 changed my epigenetics. I felt like a different person afterwards. It was the most powerful experience I have ever had. I have used various meditation methods over the years and thus I have tried them to see if they could help with this and all have been unable to help mitigate this. For the first time in 4 years meditation has become relatively ineffective for me. I know the ego is trying to control everything and I should probably sit with this experience and let it pass similar to a thought in meditation but that’s really hard to do when my mind and life are slowly falling apart in front t of me. In the past couple of months I have been experiencing muscle twitches and spasms particularly in the areas of the face, neck, back and hands. The only other times I have ever experienced ongoing random muscle spasms like these were right before my initial awakening in 2014 and after I did mushrooms the first time in 2017. In the past I have limited myself to doing psychedelics 3 or 4 times a year. So I am not a frequent user. And I have always used them in a meditative setting. I have taken nootropics in the past for mental boosts as well. But since around June of this year I have been very wary of taking any substances that are mind altering (psychedelics, nootropics, medications, etc.) due to my current mental state, however if anyone thinks that there are nootropics that would benefit me I would like to know. I have always had a low sex drive but since my mind has started going through these changes my sex drive has shot up. I used to sexually relieve myself once a week or less on average and sexual thoughts have never been prevalent in my mind to the point of them being almost not a factor. However now I am sexually relieving myself 3 times or more per week and my mind has sexual thoughts every single day. Not sure if this is relevant but my music tastes are changing too. I have been listening to primarily ambient music since 2012, however in the past 5 months or so, strangely I have been listening to increasing amounts of rap, metal and dubstep. So all in all I need some help figuring out what is going on with my mind. Is this a kundalini awakening gone wrong? Is my energy messed up? Am I nutrient deficient? Changed neuroplasticity? I do not know what is happening to me or why this is happening but I think I simply went too fast in these past 4 years with all of the meditation, books, psychedelics, lucid dreaming, raw veganism, calisthenics and my mind couldn’t keep up with the mental activity and changes that have been happening. Please, to anyone who read through all of this any advice or help you’d like to share would be greatly appreciated. And thank you for taking the time to read through this post. Positive energy and high vibrations to you all.
  3. @RossE This was an amazing report of your experience. So mush wisdom is here. Thank you for sharing this!
  4. @Joseph Maynor Thank you for posting this! This is why i'm a raw vegan, for this reason and many others.
  5. @gleb Thanks for taking the time to read through it. I really do appreciate it!
  6. @Nexeternity Thank you for reading through my long posts and being supportive of my journey.
  7. @Richard Alpert That's a good question. If you have ever read the book 'Conversations with God' by Neale Walsch? If so, that is what I felt happened. My own intelligence even if it was subconscious could not create the responses which came forth during this experience. All in all it was very strange. Perhaps it was a combination of both.
  8. @Space Exactly! I have read the first book in the series and after the experience I thought to myself the very same thing. That presence is always with us. However it usually takes a deep meditative or psychedelic experience to open the gateway for a direct contact with the unity of existence.
  9. @sweater There is no you to be enlightened. When it occurs you'll know, there wont be any doubt. I'm sorry that you had a negative experience with cannabis. Being that cannabis is a mild psychedelic it definitely has the potential to mess with your mind. If it helps at all i always do psychedelics from a nondual perspective and combine it with meditation. I have a trip report from my experience with cannabis, I hope that it may be able to help you.
  10. @sweater Can you please elaborate on this? I'd like to know which part of my trip report caused you to come to this conclusion.
  11. @Nahm Thanks for reading it. It will be a while before i'm finished with the book. Currently around 300 pages into writing it so far, still much more to go. I feel like it's an integral part of my life purpose to spread information to people.
  12. @Leo Gura Thanks Leo. I would not have come this far in my journey of consciousness growth without your videos.
  13. @Elephant I have done other psychedelics. I have tripped from 1 gram of cannabis. I have also done 5 dried grams of mushrooms as well.
  14. @Richard Alpert Thanks for taking the time to read it all. Each tab had roughly 100 micrograms on it. So this profound experience was the result of a 400 microgram ingestion.