nexusoflife

@gleb Gleb?! What's up man! Thank you for reading my post. I appreciate your support. I hope you are doing well!

@integral The ego cannot reproduce it. Because to have a goal or want something is to create a demarcation, is to create a duality. And thusly the femtosecond your mind creates that duality you are immersed in delusion and illusion. The reason it typically happens in the kitchen or when you're doing something that doesn't require the mind too much is precisely because you're not attempting to make anything profound happen. Simply devote yourself completely to nonduality, make your whole life about it, be honest and your mind, your being will become fertile soil for Awakening to be realized.

@aurum I've been thinking about the idea of doing a retreat all day today and have been searching for places to do so. The idea is really growing on me to make it a concrete experience. I think my mind would really benefit from creating a space for me to open myself to accepting awakening fully and flowing with the unfolding of the True Ultimate nature of existence. And of course I will take my time and allow this unfolding to occur in the way it needs to both for the stability of my psyche and for the sake of honesty in this work.

@Davino As you described the exercise I was actually thinking of doing it outside. If one of these Glimpses of The Absolute were to occur while I am outdoors it would make for the perfect Synchronicity!

@Osaid I like that. I will remember that the next time if the fear comes up. Staying open to the beauty and Ultimate Love of The Truth is the most important thing I can do.

@Davino Thank you for that. Trying to feel the edges of the Universe. I like that. That sounds like a really useful exercise. I will explore it and see what happens.

@Princess Arabia During these glimpses I do not exist. I never existed in the first place. That is made beyond clear. I wrote up this several days after my last Glimpse of The Absolute and so an ego self was present to write it. Even if these glimpses remained over several hours or days there would still be memory (imagination) of how the previous way of being was and so a reference could be made. And in order to navigate this dream of physical life in any capacity whatsoever an ego is absolutely necessary. Illusory forms cannot be interacted without an ego structure. Ego and the Godhead are one in the same upon realization. But language itself represents a huge challenge in describing how Reality actually is.

@Ishanga I have several past peak nondual experiences in the 10 years preceding these glimpses of the absolute that people would label as Samadhi. These have been the result of meditation and contemplation. I also have several profound breakthrough psychedelic experiences where my consciousness has touched the Godhead. I have written up and posted several of these nondual and psychedelic experiences in my profile if you'd like to read them.

@aurum I was actually thinking about doing a retreat for a few weeks or a month. But I don't want to go into it thinking that "I will raise my consciousness if I do this". All of these Glimpses of The Absolute have happened when I am just living my life. Cooking something, just sitting around, walking, etc. It's never been during meditation or intentional. In fact when I have meditated to cultivate such states it paradoxically pushes it away because to want anything is to create an illusory duality. A retreat still seems enticing though because if I do fully and completely surrender and open myself to these glimpses of The Absolute; then like I said there may be a period of time where I am disoriented and and readjusting to a new way of being and having a calm and stable environment free of responsibilities while I readjust would be beneficial.

@Hojo That is indeed an interesting altered state of consciousness. But what you describe seems to be phenomenological in nature. Let me know if I'm wrong. What I am discussing is prior to phenomena, the substrate in which all of existence arises within. Pure, empty, formless and full imagination. Pure Mind that creates "me" as a form in "your" experience right now.

@Ishanga Existence is infinite. Therefore The Absolute is infinite. And so there is always more for an individuation to discover about the Absolute. I feel like it would be arrogant of me to ever reach a final endpoint and feel that there isn't anything more for me to learn. I also have a lot of fun learning / remembering this.

@Leo Gura I read your blog post about Alien Awakening some time ago. That's the fun of this work, it's absolutely infinite! I would love to know what that is like, or at least a hint of what it's like for you. But I don't know how that would affect my process of "general awakening" right now.

@Leo Gura Thanks Leo. I watched your video "What Is Reality? - A Radical Explanation" earlier today and it was shocking how much of what you said there corroborates what I have been experiencing recently. It feels so drastically Alien, so beyond our ability to describe, yet so ridiculously obvious. This is all just an idea, imagined by Absolute Mind. The Multiverse, DMT realms, every event in all of (the idea of) creation is imagined in perception. This kind of massively radical shift is not what I expected when I set out on this journey years ago. Surprisingly none of my nondual experiences or psychedelic experiences could have prepared me for how viscerally, deeply drastic Awakening is. Its like falling into oblivion and being cradled in loving arms at the same time. Like I said it's beyond linguistic description. But it is the Truth. I love it. And I choose the Truth above all else. Because it Is The Truth. It's the only thing that there is.

Over the past few weeks I have been experiencing something very impactful, ineffable and beyond profound. I have been having what I call Glimpses of How Existence Actually Is. They have occurred maybe 5 or 6 times now. I have 11 years of experience with Nondual Meditation, Contemplation, and 8 years of experience with psychedelics (Cannabis, Psilocybin LSD, MDMA and DMT). I’ve also read many books on consciousness, nonduality, etc. These Glimpses of Actual Reality are orders of magnitude profound than any of my most powerful nondual experiences or any of my breakthrough psychedelic experiences. It is something that is beyond experience, beyond words, beyond linguistic description but here I will make an attempt to describe it. Here is what has been happening. At spontaneous moments when I am simply going about living my life I will get a visceral “feeling” prior to thought, of “how did I get here?” in relation to Life. Within milliseconds flashes of my birth and how I perceived the world as an infant and throughout “my life” will flash into my mind. This is juxtaposed with a complete removal of all sense of solidity. All definitions for objects and concepts are removed. Reality feels entirely like a Mind and all objects and phenomena feel like ideas and thoughts being imagined into being. Almost immediately as this feeling comes up, I also see the entire experience of life to be deeply and profoundly alien. But it also the most familiar and obvious way of being. It feels so factually real. It’s not necessarily “alien” because there is absolutely no sense of separation or other when these glimpses happen. Its just the most profound recontextualization. I immediately realize that all of existence is ephemeral and is a dream that is Imagined. And that I am existence itself and thus I as existence am being imagined right now. That the entirety of everything that ever can be is simply an idea occurring within Infinite Mind and that this, what I am experiencing right here, right now is the Absolute. That this right here, right now is the Ultimate. That this right here, right now is the Godhead. I feel infinite power and ultimate freedom. But it is alien beyond words compared to my standard baseline “human” state of consciousness. In short I go from a human on a planet that sees himself as fundamentally unified with all phenomena; to being Absolute Mind Imagining Infinity. It’s such a drastically different way of being than what I am used to, than what any of my peak nondual or psychedelic experiences have shown me. It’s so radically Truthful that the illusion of all of this life and existence is seen so completely obviously. Then fear comes up. A visceral primal fear comes up prior to any thoughts. I fear that this will destabilize me and that I wont be able to function if I perceive reality and life like this. And if I cant navigate life then I can’t survive. And so it is this almost immediate somatic fear creates a false separation that pulls me back into the assumed stability of illusion and away from How Existence Actually Is. All of this occurs in the span of 2 or 3 seconds. My consciousness shoots up to infinity then comes back down to human level. I have reflected on this for the past few days and have come to understand that my fear is ego resistance to Reality. My ego feels threatened on a survival level at directly experiencing the Absolute in daily life and seeing life as imaginary, as an idea occurring in the God Mind. The concern that I wont be able to navigate life while perceiving it this way is understandable, given how drastically different it is compared to the “human” level perception that I’m used to. However I can see that this fear is unnecessary. If this is how reality actually is, If this is the Truth of how existence really is and if this is my direct experience, even if it is very different than what I am used to; why be scared? I care about Truth more than anything. And I choose The Truth even if it means that I can no longer navigate life. However I don’t think this is necessarily a concern. I think the best thing to do is to simply accept and surrender to these God Mind glimpses and open up to them when it comes on. There may be a period where I may be disoriented and need to readjust to a new way of interfacing with life and existence. The more I surrender and accept the process, the more smoothly I will flow into a new more honest and more true way of being. A way of being that paradoxically would enable this imagined individuation to navigate this imagined idea dream of life much more synchronistically, joyfully and effectively. Contrary to the reluctance of the visceral fear, these glimpses of the Absolute are an invitation to living and being in the greatest place an individuation can possibly be. In Truth.

Over the course of roughly the past year I have had several profound psychedelic breakthrough like experiences whilst in a completely sober state that are bear an extreme qualitative resemblance to various tryptamine substances such as LSD, Psilocybin and especially DMT. For context I have 10 years of experience with daily nondual meditation and have had peak nondual unitive experiences as a result. I have 7 years of experience with psychedelics including THC, Psilocybin, LSD, and DMT and have had several breakthrough experiences. I only do psychedelics 3 times per year. As well as 10 years of contemplation experience and have read hundreds of books on spirituality, psychology, science, etc over the past decade. I have essentially dedicated my life to nondual understanding and as a result of all of this work I experienced an extremely profound and ineffable shift in my consciousness in mid 2021 wherein I directly perceived and experience myself as completely unified with all phenomena in the totality of existence. I see and feel all of reality no matter how “mundane” to be profound beyond description. All of reality is seen as an infinite dream that I (you, there is no difference) the infinite intelligence of the godhead is imagining into being. I have lived in this nondual experience relatively consistently for the past 3 or so years. With this context provided I can only guess that the spontaneous DMT like experiences I have been having are a result of the neurological changes that occur with nondual realization and long term meditative practice. Allow me to explain how these states come on. The first time this occurred it was around 3:00 at night. I had awoken from my sleep to use the bathroom. When I laid down I was having trouble getting back to sleep. So I laid in bed waiting to fall asleep. Then I looked over at my bookshelves and when I did I saw that entire side of my room morphing and glistening with thousands of rippling colors across the books and walls with semi organic and semi geometric patterns forming and dissolving. I had not taken any substances in 3 or 4 months when this occurred. I thought I was dreaming. I did not understand how this was possible as I was completely sober. I had to be up for work in a few hours and I knew I didn’t have the luxury of deeply investigating this at the time so I decided to roll over and close my eyes to sleep. Interestingly the visuals subsided when my eyelids were closed, however the psychedelic and profound head space remained. This was the first of several much more profound sober psychedelic experiences. Fast forward months later and I started to add lucid dreaming to my spiritual practice. Some time into my work with lucid dreaming I became more familiar with the world of my dreamscapes and some of the mechanisms of my mind. On one of these nights I was doing my typical routine for lucid dream exploration. Again at around 3 or 4 in the morning another one of these DMT like experiences occurred. I was not fully asleep. I was still aware and alert that I was in my room laying on my bed. But I was close to the hypnagogic state. This is when everything began to shift. I heard the exact same ringing in my ears as when I’ve smoked DMT. Then my vision began to intensely distort and fill with hundreds of beautiful colors and geometric mandalas. My sense of self quickly began to dissolve and ultimately be obliterated as I faded into the absolute unity of the imagination of the mind of God. This unity of consciousness and intensity of unconditional love was several orders of magnitude even more profound than the unity consciousness that I feel in my daily life. I went from perceiving the thousands of mandalas in my experience to literally becoming the thousands of mandalas of this DMT like experience. I was billions of lightyears in size and I was shifting and transforming at a rate of thousands of iterations per second. I was an infinite menagerie of forms creating an infinite menagerie of worlds throughout the multiverse and beyond. And in my curiosity I would zoom in my perspective on some of these worlds (being aspects of myself) that I brought into being to witness the forms in them and then shift back out to a macro perspective. However this experience ended as quickly as it began. The intensity of the mandala transformations began to subside and my consciousness began to shift from cosmic magnitude back to that of an individuated being, however the feeling of unity and beauty remained, it was less amplified however. Eventually my consciousness shifted back to that of a human experience and I was looking at the darkness of my closed eyelids. The feeling of peace I felt was all pervading and reinvigorating. I then woke up to record and explore my recent experience in detail. These are two abridged versions of several experiences I had like this. There have been a few other sober DMT level experiences I have had where I communicated with loving and alien like psychedelic entities but that is far too much to go into here. My main questions are these. 1 Have any other experienced mediators or psychonauts experience a similar phenomenon? I have heard Terrence McKenna and Ken Wilber reference monks who when given LSD, DMT or Ayahuasca remark that those psychedelic states were very similar to the sober states that these monks experience in their own practices. 2 I also wanted to know if anyone knows of methods that would allow me to enter these experiences more consistently and reliably? As while extremely profound they are very fleeting, fading even faster than N,N-DMT most of the time. 3 I am specifically interested in if it may be possible to access these states to go directly to the Godhead; beyond all manifest form? I have experienced my consciousness shift into that of the Godhead knowing that the totality of all of existence is a dream occurring within the mind of God, created to explore and experience itself forever. However I have only directly experienced the Absolute Unmanifest Godhead a few times. I wanted to know if I could use these sober DMT like states to go beyond illusory form and directly to the Godhead more consistently. If so, how? One thing I feel important to note is the following. Whilst I have several years of experience with psychedelics and have access to entheogens to assist me. Ever since my shift into consistent nondual perception a few years ago something interesting has become apparent. In all of breakthrough experiences after 2021 I've had encounters and conversations with tryptamine entities, alien consciousnesses and soul guides and most of them at some point have said some variation of this; “you did not need to use this substance to get here, you can experience this and beyond through yourself.” I have also had a few entities say that; I was actually slowing down my spiritual progress by insisting on using a substance as a “middleman” to access transcendent psychedelic states. I did not think this was possible until these experiences started spontaneously happening to me while sober. I am not in any way denouncing psychedelics but something novel is happening in my spiritual development and I want to explore it responsibly; and I want to heed the messages I have received from the very intelligent and wise beings I have encountered through my prior trips. I would appreciate any help or insights that people here may have.