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About nexusoflife

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  • Birthday 12/05/1996

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    Lawrenceville GA
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  1. I was thinking about the cultural differences and similarities between the western democracies and thought about a Spiral Dynamics comparison between Australia and The United States. They seem pretty similarly developed at a stage Orange level of values development, yet I feel that The United States has a stage Blue undertone that sets it a bit lower; as Australia does not seem to have this stage Blue influence, instead the country appears to be more immersed in stage Orange. I would like to know what anyone else thinks about this.
  2. Hello. I need some help as I currently find myself in a confusing place. For my entire life I have been living within the realm of the mind. I have been completely unaware of my power as in infinite creator on this Earth. And now that I have come into understanding of this power in the past year and more so in the last two months I find myself at a point of transformation and transition. You see a few months ago I quit my job. This was one of the best decisions that I could have made for myself, mentally, physically and spiritually. It was an OK job by society’s standards but it heavily damaged my soul and for the three years I worked there my life was in a very dark place. I have enjoyed the past few months and they have been the best time of my life so far. I have grown immensely in a short time. However my monetary funds are beginning to lessen and this has created an anxiety in me. My true passion in life is the study of spirituality, ecology and human development and I am writing a book on the subject of Ecopsychology. However this is a huge endeavor and while I have made great progress on the book every cell in my body feels called to place all of my energy towards the completion and publication of my book. However when I look at my external reality I do indeed feel an air of anxiety when it comes to how I will do this. Every cell in my body is telling me to not go back to getting a traditional job. And yet over the last month there is one job offer that is continually appearing in my life and I have no desire to accept this job. I do wonder if this job offer continually appearing in my experience is a test of faith and or an external manifestation of my fear. Whenever I think of working this job I do not see light in my minds eye, only darkness and subsequent pain. I guess what I am trying to ask is, how do I know if something is truly for me or not for me if it keeps appearing in my life? I am very keen on making good decisions and am quite a decisive person so this level of confusion within me is unsettling. I am going to meditate on this as I have a feeling that my intuition is telling me to not regress back into old fear based ways of thinking and perceiving reality and thus that it would be in my best interest to follow the path I feel guided towards even though I cannot see the steps. I have never had this much faith before, this is new alien territory for me but I know that I cannot go back. Again the thing I am struggling with is the discerning whether the reoccurring job offer is a temptation, a test of faith to see if I will fall back to my old ways or if I will truly transcend my fears and go towards a new version of myself and access a new level of my life? All I know for certain right now is that I have to trust the process 100% even though I cannot see ahead and have a knowing that the universe has my best interests at hand and truly does want the best for my unfolding life in this realm.
  3. I recently had a dream that I was playing Skyrim (in what looked like my future apartment, I don’t have my own apartment yet) and my girlfriend was watching. My character was running through the cold northern swamps when a super powerful vampire came out of nowhere and started shooting thunderbolts at me. My health was going down quickly so I took some powerful healing potions. When I exited the inventory menu the vampire kept shooting lightning bolts at me. My character ran out of health and was brilliantly resurrected because I had a special item in my inventory. I immediately turned my character into a vampire lord and used a massive drain life spell on the vampire and several other enemies that ran up shortly after I transformed. I had almost defeated all of them when a huge rabid bear that looked like it weighed at least 400 kg (900 lbs) ran up out of nowhere and hit me in the back. This bear had patches of hair missing, spots of hair that looked bleached and his eyes were glazed over. He did not give a fuck. He was crazy. After being hit by this massive rabid bear it took a huge chunk of my health away. It was at this point where I felt like my consciousness was now in that situation. It was real now. I realized this bear was too strong to fight so I ran/hovered away as fast as I could. As I ran through the swamp away from this crazy bear I climbed over several very thick seemingly impenetrable bushes and thickets. Finally and strangely I came across a 100% modern two lane paved road that seemingly came from the swamp. I ran up it and when I thought I lost him my vampire form faded away and instead of my Skyrim character being there I appeared. I kept running, and saw the bear behind me again. I also saw a sports store/restaurant up the road. I ran towards it and I saw people there and a Maltese dog come running out past me and towards the bear. I was concerned for this little dog. But when he got to the bear it completely lost interest in chasing me and instead looked down at the tiny dog that stood close to it. It was as if they instantly became friends. The bear and the little dog investigated each other for a bit and subsequently just walked down the road in the opposite direction of me. I was very relieved to say the least. I headed towards the sports store/ restaurant and as I got closer only a few meters away a huge man came out he looked to be nearly 210 centimeters (almost 7 feet) tall. He looked like a viking/hillbilly with red hair, a long beard and crazy looking eyes. He was easily 120 kg (260 lbs). He was wearing a baseball cap a red flannel shirt, blue overalls and dirty black boots. He angrily swung open the door and looked directly at me as if I had wronged him. I had a bad feeling about him so I ran. It was now sunset. As I ran into the parking lot behind the store I realized that the parking lot was surrounded by a 4 meter (12 feet) tall fence. I screamed out of frustration realizing I was trapped. Meanwhile as the man came closer he loudly said, “Why are you running Thomas? Why are you running away from the pain?” As he began talking I realized that this was an inherently good man, terrifying in demeanor but compassionate and kind hearted. He had no ill-will towards me. He laughed and said, “It’s a trap Thomas!” He stopped about 3 meters (10 feet) from me and raised his arms as if to worship something and loudly said. “Heaven is a trap!” This is all I remember.
  4. @zeroISinfinity Thanks. I have always wanted to take up some form of martial arts practice as it would absolutely be life changing and would help me to cultivate more balance and further help me to get to know myself and the dance of life; and maybe now is the time. I know essentially nothing about Reiki other than that it is a form of healing. I will look more into this and integrate the practices as needed over time with my daily life. Thanks again.
  5. @dorg It’s all thoughts in the mind of God, it’s God’s dream, God’s imagination. Perhaps it’s the fact that I am still in ego and that is what has created this fundamentally illusory gap and subsequent frustration. I am really going to think on and meditate on your reply.
  6. @daramantus You do not yet know what God is. Simply put. Your post here and the post that you kinked (I read all of it.) show that you still have your foundation for interfacing with reality fundamentally in a belief in concepts. Please do more work in exploring your (God) consciousness.
  7. @remember It is all spiritual. It has nothing to do with the senses. Everything can be zoomed in on in every conceivable way for infinity. There is no limit to the ways in which God can magnify itself on a micro and macro level. I am familiar with chakras but practical integrated daily chakra work is entirely new to me and I am implementing it into my practice as of today.
  8. @Consilience Thank you. I also meditate 1 hour per day but I have been doing the do nothing technique for years. I am going to incorporate these changes and see what happens. I have a very good feeling about this. I need to really truly open my heart chakra all the way up. I also had an LSD trip where I felt a similar vibe to yours in this area. I have to open my heart to loving all that is, so I can really see the beauty in all that is. Consciously being a loving human will now become a big part of my practice perhaps my main practice which I stack all other practices on top of. Thanks again for the advice and words of wisdom.
  9. @zeroISinfinity I got a lot of value from that post. Love, acceptance, balance. Follow your path and play authentically. Even now I feel my mind trying to understand your post fully; but I will be honest I don't and I'm OK with that because as I continue in life I will and it will be great. Thanks.
  10. @Consilience I feel grateful but not as grateful as I could be.I struggle with loving all that arises and I don't know why. I love all of myself as a human currently and it feels great! But as God I don't love all aspects of existence which I am, and it feels strange like a hole or a gap between nondual awareness and this human mind. I still have an issue with the infinite menagerie of forms and the suffering that many forms experience. You are right a much deeper dive into love and acceptance for existence is what I need to focus on. Are there any books, techniques or practices that you would recommend?
  11. @remember Phenomena is all of the forms of God. It's God playing in it's imagination so it can learn about itself through limited forms.
  12. @remember You are very perceptive.I have experienced states of complete contentment and happiness with whatever is arising. However for some reason I feel like I have a bone to pick with existence. Like I am insulted by the fact that God has to learn about itself. There is a frustration within myself that I feel arising whenever I think about why anything exists. I am indeed missing a piece of the puzzle. There is no core of myself as what constitutes me is a collection of thoughts and experiences collected over 22 years. I am infinite you could zoom in infinitely on a physical, mental or energetic level and never reach an end, that’s what God is. I am indeed very lost in the ocean of forms in existence, yes it’s beautiful but God can know itself without experiencing limited forms. There is another way. I don’t know what that way is, but there is another way because God is infinite and this everything is possible. Perhaps my approach to this exploration is a bit disconnected and for this it is creating a gap. Maybe once this gap is resolved the confusion and frustration will be resolved. I am actually traveling right now and am currently visiting Sweden. (I’m from the United States) I have been writing a book about how the noosphere affects the biosphere since 2017.
  13. @zeroISinfinity Thank you. I needed to read that.
  14. @Leo Gura I don't understand. Isn't there some phenomenological demarcation between Samsara here and Nirvana? Everywhere=Nowhere=all is one; but there are many subdivisions of God even if they are illusory. I'm not trying to get anywhere with the secession of experiencing existence, simply a permanent extinguishing of experience never to enter form again.
  15. Over the past five years I have been diving deeply and consistently into the nature of reality and myself. They're both the same thing. I have had several deep and very profound and indeed life changing nondual and psychedelic experiences at this point. I understand that everything in the totality of existence is all fundamentally and inexorably one. I have traveled to places within consciousness that are beyond the human imagination. I have had my sense of self and eradicated and reformed several times now. Looking into the viewport of infinity is indeed breathtaking beyond all comprehension. You really are absolutely infinite and so beautifully glorious beyond what our bodies and brains are physically evolved to comprehend right now. However there is something within me that is seemingly contently disinterested with phenomenological existence. I do not want to play this game anymore. I feel like no matter what I experience in this life, no matter where I go there will still always be a part of me that is just over the experience of existing as an individuation of consciousness at any level whether it be at a human level, bacterium level or godlike cybernetic alien level it’s all not the absolute truth, just more of this multiversal, multidimensional game of exploratory consciousness. After I live my life and die there is a very strong feeling at the “core” (there is no core) of my consciousness that I never want to reincarnate in any way. While that is an ego driven statement I feel that there is something within myself that this is coming from a place of much deeper much more comprehensive inner standing and understanding of phenomenological existence and it’s alternative merging COMPLETELY into God consciousness so fully that any hope or possibility of incarnation into the realm of form is entirely extinguished. No thought no mind, no form no play, simply infinite incomprehensible nothingness, the purest expression of God. Over the past year a feeling has arisen within myself that wants this life of this specific individuation of consciousness to be the last physical expression that this individuation of consciousness ever experiences. The feeling and sense of relief is what I long for. I long for the ending of all experience by this individuation. The thought of an I experiencing reality no longer is the all encompassing thing that it once was. Now the idea of an I experiencing reality seems so superficial and somewhat shallow in a sense. I enjoy life and its many phenomena but I can so clearly see ( at an increasing rate) the illusion of all of the realm of form. Expression, experience and phenomenological existence go together. And there is such a powerful longing within my energetic composition to just have relief from being, relief from form, relief from experience I feel like I have done this so many times. I feel that I have played this game an infinite number of times. Now there is a tiredness to it all. I am all,every subatomic particle, every atom, every cell, every organism in the multitude of multiverses every object in all of existence. I am the infinite Holon. I am immortal, timeless, and infinite in every way. Yet and still within this body, within this specific individuation of consciousness, within this trans-temporal energetic being I feel a strong urge to never want to return to this place. It matters not what form consciousness takes it all boils down to this. Same shit different form. You are God experiencing itself in every way that there is and isn't. After you have seen into infinity and lived in that place all of the forms become trivial they are no longer something to go after or to awe at when gazed upon. Its all infinite and there are never-ending forms but it all becomes ‘predictable’. You predict the outlandish and the mundane to the point where it becomes all just “meh” at a certain point of being blasted into infinity so many times. Viewing and being the infinite myriad of forms organisms, technologies, energies eventually it reaches a point of simply a pretty existential first person light show. The illusion is seen through and compared to truth the realm of forms and limitation becomes shallow in its substances. The transcendence of survival is a necessary place to come to in this work and an inevitable point. I have not transcended survival and am still subject to it’s whims but there are times ( and they are becoming increasingly more common) where I can get into states of consciousness where in those moments I would be 100% OK with dying. However I am only 22 years old and thus I would like to complete my bucket list before I leave this place and I have so much work to do on myself in this life; and so much more fun to have; and so many more things to explore. I do not hate life I enjoy it and all of it’s beautiful weirdness but it’s illusory nature no longer has the same charm and allure as it had before in my perception. The world of form is BS and while it is truth on a relative level it will never be the absolute truth due to the fact that life is navigating forms, whether they be physical or nonphysical. It is because of this why “I” (at a level beyond ego that is inexplicable to me currently) want out of this game at all levels permanently. You could incarnate into any multitude of alien species, Tryptamine entities, light beings, demigods, lichens, molds, insects, bacterium. While it is all you exploring and experiencing yourself once complete nondual awareness is had this experiencing looses it’s allure. It doesn't matter what form you take anymore. The destination and “point” of it all is the same. Simply put ULTIMATE UNION WITH GOD. This means a complete secession of all types of form and all types of experience, it is the embodiment and paradox of absolute nothingness. Not nonexistence, because God is infinite and thus nonexistence cannot exist; but nothingness in the sense of no longer being an individuation of consciousness bound to form and experience of any and all kind. It is this secession which is the omega point of this creation of this game. According to Buddhism the entirety of the realm of form is suffering in some way. This is Samsara. Nirvana is the release of this and the permanent secession of the individuated conscious experiencing of phenomenological existence. Absolute union with God. No more false boundaries, no more illusions. Just the simple truth. All incarnation is an infinitely intelligent yet amnesiac God exploring to know its infinite self. However there comes a point where for individuations this experiencing of fundamentally illusory forms is no longer necessary for understanding. There is a transcendent something beyond being, beyond phenomena. Phenomenological existence is not the only way that God can know itself. However it is the only way that we can know ourselves. As lifeforms we highly value life to the point of delusion. I have no way to back up what I am about to say here; but life and the totality of phenomenological existence in my experience feels like a preliminary training ground for something else. This place is illusion and with illusion comes pain and suffering in one way or another. At the end of the day all holons of existence especially organisms organisms “want” to be happy, and to know that they are God. I do wonder if there will be a point (Yes I know time does not truly exist) where all individuations of consciousness in the totality of phenomenological existence will realize and embody God consciousness and this section of the game will end. It’s just a thought I have sometimes. I know that God is infinite and thus I am infinite.