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August 23rd 2020 Very first Psycadelic Trip. A lot of this trip is written down as it was happening, and also I came in after and elaborated on certain points so things made more sense. Intention: What is intuition? 1g cubensis Melmac dried magic mushrooms. (I'm definitely more sensitive to substances than the average individual, so this was a great starter dose.) Consumed via Lemon tek (soaked in lemon juice for 20 mins). Didn't taste anything bad. No taste at all really, just the lemon juice when I drank it. Spent extra time to chew it really well. Consumed on an empty stomach. Meditated for 20 minutes watching my thoughts. Made the lemon tek, mediated a bit more. Had a whole lot of anxiety that morning, really fearful of the unknown experience I was able to have. Consumed at 11:10 AM I turned on music and danced to 3 songs. By the third song my emotion really came through and I cried a bit in the emotion. The rest of the time was spent sitting on a couch in the sunroom in the house, I wanted to be close to nature while on this trip, rather than in my basement. As well I wanted to be close to my tripsitter. 30 mins in Grass breathing subtly. 40 minutes Looking at my hand and noticing how foreign it is. Jitteryness Fingers trembling. Noticing all the plumpness and discolouration in the hand. Feeling the shroom creeping in. 11 55 Feeling a strong need to lie down and surrender. There is a place that I fear to go. And it's hauntingly deep. Had that feeling of being sucked back into a dark place that I feared to go. It was very threatening. Probably the most difficult part of the trip here. I went into the open starfish formation to fully surrender, as well as verbally saying "I surrender" 12:00 Nauseous and sinking. Shit is funny. 12:10 Noticing every hair on my arm. The most subtle things in peeling a banana that would go unnoticed I'm noticing. All the nuances in peeling a banana is noticed. 12:15 Noticing how marbled in colour our hands are. Small subtle feelings of nausea. Wanting to move left and right swaying. Have a really hard time to control it. As much as I can throughout the trip I repeatedly ask the question: "What is intuition? What is intuition? What is intuition? What is intuition?" 12:18 Ability to make distinctions in colour has increased. At one point at the peak later, all the green leaves in the garden are the same bright green hue. Still subtle nausea. Strong feeling of being a monkey. Puckering my lips out, showing my teeth. Really noticing a different state of consciousness. I think that's something that's easy to misunderstand about a psycadelic. There's the visuals, but that's like the side effect. Like the heat that is produced from a light bulb; a side effect. The reality is still here but the projector that is me has changed. 12:23 Swirly pattern in the cushion expanding to the whole entire cushion and swaying, swaying. What you focus on, literally grows. My body is part of that swaying. The universe around me feels like an ocean and I'm being pushed by the waves. Really noticing patterns emerge from the cushion. Intuition is so deep. Slow. That's the feeling. It's a whole lot easier to use my voice to type this report while I'm in the middle of the trip. 12:27 Noticing a deep rhythm to the universe. I can see how easy it is to just want to stare at the grass and get lost. Because I know if I stare at something long enough it will start breathing. Just like the floors right now it's moving like a slow river. Hardwood floors flow into several opposite direction Skinny rivers. 12:30 I'm noticing Everything Is Beautiful more than you can imagine. >it's really working to navigate a trip well by saying everything is beautiful. 12:34 You are constantly basking in the sunlight shining on to you at all angles. Infinite hands coming and shielding my face when I close my eyes. Oh my God. 12:38 "Noticing all the patterns in the ceiling and how they are breathing yeah it's really not that bad man, I get Majestic and beautiful yeah holyshit I'm in it I'm in it I love how it's recording my voice while I say this too." Slow. Easy I ask my intuition what is intuition. It tells me to tilt my head up and surrender in the starfish position to open up my body, because my body is a vessel to receive consciousness. It's not even mine. It's not even MY body as my ego would like me to believe. 12:43 Increased trip intensity as I look at the hundred actual birds in my garden. What's the difference between authenticity and intuition? Tons and tons of giggling. I must call everything beautiful to sway this journey. 12:51 If I stare at something long enough it moves. Especially things that are very generic but consistent in pattern. They flow like a river. That's why floors flow. Nausea is gone. But I am a wave now. It's so fucking easy to get distracted haha. If I was an artist I have infinite vision right now. Everytime I close my eyes it's a new vision. Creativity is so enhanced it's something you have to experience to understand. Creativity skyrocketed. 1:00 I close my eyes I notice all the visions of the background of red to yellow. I open my eyes and it's white dominated. The colour White. And it's all moving subtly. I am the room. Reality is a mind fuck. How could we be so foolish the ground ourselves in materialism? It's all one conscious mind. There is no difference between the wall and the tree it's all part of the infinite field. Creativity is skyrocketed. 1:13 I can see that a glimpse of how much deeper I can go I must ask the question: What is consciousness? 1:20 Going to the washroom, walking with a bounce like an ape. 1:25 Intuition is just noticing the push that you are being pushed in. You noticing the waves around you as you are just a part of the ocean. Close my eyes against the pillow for a second. I'm noticing that the left and right eye are like two different Instagram filters. The left eye with the green filter and the right eye with a clear yellow one In order to understand intuition I must understand the infinite intelligence and consciousness. +++big peak+++ 1:41 What is consciousness? Consciousness is all of this that you see. It's so easy to just get distracted and play on Shrooms. 1:48 I've never seen my pupils so dilated. Every time I walk to the bathroom it's just such monkey like in the way I walk. +++ hallucinations are barely apparent now.+++ 1:51 Seeing that you got to be brave to go deep. 1:58 Feeling the now. 2:00 Sight and Sound are literally connected. I can see how that Duality collapses. It would be interesting to see how the movement of reality reacts to music, as I've heard the room moves with the music. 2:03 I can see how it is so easy to distract yourself and get addicted to this experience. It crosses my mind why even contemplate. But I've saw someone fall for that trap before when reading a trip report. So I need to keep getting back on that horse to contemplate. Right now I need to do that. 2:22 The Universe is there for you. The entire experience of eating a banana so funniest fucking thing. Sticking your tongue out, chewing with your mouth wide open, swishing it around in your cheeks. Complete monkey mode. Completely authentic. 2:29 Every action becomes a game. You're being more creative with chewing a banana. You're being more creative in just the way you breathe. Everything just becomes interesting as fuck. 2:37 I noticed looking back earlier on the trip, how I was avoiding the present by opening and closing my eyes. Avoiding going deep. Protecting myself. And I see on a higher dose this will be unavoidable. The eyes closed and the eyes open will collapse, it won't matter, you'll be thrusted into it. Why can't I contemplate Consciousness while rolling on the ground? Why do I have to sit here in a Lotus position? 2:43 I can see when you're given a new perspective, it's so easy to question convention. Because I'm experiencing that new perspective now. Open Mindedness to the sky. It's easy to consider things I would otherwise fear or see as silly to even think of questioning. Shrooms would totally naturally collapse conventional society as a whole. 2:46 "It's not even you when you are surrendering. It's just the way of tuning you into flowing into the water." > When you are surrendering, there is actually no "you" to surrender. You just dissolve the notion of you and merge with the ocean. 2:48 Realizing that the movements that are hallucinations is the duality of solid vs fluid collapsing. 2:52 It's a rule in reality that you must first cross the chasm to reach the field of flowers. This is what the trip feels like. 3:03 I think contemplation becomes very different. You don't think into it, you BE into it. Be as in being. instead of contemplating formally, you BEING into your BEING too solve your BEING. 3:26 Strong urge to drum. 3:36 You need to poke around reality in different ways to explore reality fully. Like rubbing your nose against a couch. 3:43 The barrier that stops me from rolling around in the dirt is a made up one. Why not have fun and just roll around in the dirt, in the love? 4:08 Much earlier I felt like a child playfully roaring at my dog that was growling. 4:54 Noticing the ability to take a strong good look at the burns in your vision after your stare at something too bright for too long. Rather than it escaping your eye when you try to look at it, I was able to get a good solid look at it. That was interesting. How was that even possible lol. 5:51 Noticing the ego clamping down on me with the notion of shame. ___ Visuals Experienced During the Trip A beautiful boat with swirly wood flowering along the sides. An infinite flow of RGB streaks. Infinite deer head with RGB outlines Infinite things. Like a dead wasp I was staring at, then closed my eyes, and it appeared into my vision in an infinite row. Infinite row of 1 foot sized alien bugs crawling up my leg. I noticed some dead bugs on the floor including wasps and bees, and when I close my eyes how an infinite row of wasps was in my vision. But it wasn't scary, it was just beautiful. Because all of reality of beauty. These infinite patterns showed up like two mirrors being put together. Through the red eye of seeing, being able to fly through the world with passing by pieces of consciousness manifesting. ~~Things I've noticed later on that happened earlier ~~ Hugging the chair I'm lying on. With whatever is happening, all I can say is "beautiful". Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. This was great for me to navigate my trip really well. Just everything in my Consciousness is beautiful. I learned how authentic I can really be. To be like a child in authenticy. To be like an ape in authenticy. There is no barrier between me and wanting to roll around in the dirt. That's just a made up one. I noticed how intuition is connected to Consciousness, and that I really needed to contemplate what is consciousness and how to tap into it to understand intuition. I saw intuition as a form of channeling. A light form of channeling. ___ I also had a notebook where I wrote this down. Here's what I wrote. What is intuition? A strong pull. A gut, chest, throat pull. Intuition is deep. Intuition shows you the cracks of light. But it's up to you to travel to the end of the tunnel to realize the entire light. To access intuition, you need to channel. You already are a channel, just open yourself up. It's the subtle ground you take for granted. Question that natural feeling coming from nothingness. Consciousness is an infinite ocean. Just tap into the ever-flowing Rhythm ___ ###Days After Report ### Increased authenticity. Even in the way I walk. Increased interest in realizing my greater identity. Realized this when I talk to other people I still feel alone, and remembering the theory that you are alone and you just create reality and people around you to feel as if you're not alone. How you actually create reality in such a way where you actually feel like you can have some connection with something other than you. But in the end it's only you. Increased interest in the ability to surrender. Increased open mindedness in what I need to surrender to in order to discover truth. Starting to get deeper into wonder about what reality is. Noticing more contentment with what is. Noticing more fascination with the seemingly mundane. I realize I need to be very centered to follow my intuitions Found it quite difficult to consistently Focus while on that trip, so I'm interested in what a research chemical would be like. ??? Questions ¿¿¿ Is it proper to contemplate differently while trying to feel and experience the deeper existential aspects of reality? Stuff that's beyond logic? For example, for the entire trip on inquiring into intuition, I didn't want to contemplate it logically at all, but rather just wanted to experience what came up when I asked the question. How did my trip go? Thoughts?

I think this disproves it logically as well, for people with enlightment experiences. https://www.dmt-nexus.me/forum/default.aspx?g=posts&t=37104 Furthermore with people who visited the godhead and had a godhead experience,being it.... Well many people report a similiar problem. They experienced being god only by themselves, after which they were inflated to see that only they were god... It could be the chemical inflating the person's ego to godhead.It could be a mechanism by which the ego survives, the trickster is your own mind. True god is the void the nothingness projecting spaciousness which is infinite .When one is that spaciousness he is all at once. I think it could be several godheads if it wanted hahah. Anyway this is my last post here on this topic, for me solipsism is nonesense, THE BEST ARGUMENT as many have said it's an idea that exists in duality, you stop thinking it and it has no reality. Cheers

@DrewNows I thought so too! Credit goes to Doctor Jim. Learning different typologies helps me to integrate. By observing my reactive and automatic behaviors and giving a good look at what the triggers are. I may catch it before it manifests outwardly next time. ,,,, Sometimes,,, Too many people only use their enneatype as something to continually verify and identify with. It can be so much more. A way to go beyond one's automatic behavior. Analysis paralysis is a phrase associated with Enneatype sixes. Which seems to be my chief feature. Because Arnold Keyserling was a riotous universal heretic, sometimes in disguise, and became a bad/good influence on a young lawyer named Ralph Losey in the early 70's, they chose to number their version of Enneagram differently. If questioned about this. They might say "Oh, that's just to make it more difficult.,,, Huh?? The following is their description of my enneatype based on categories of language which coorelates with the usual 6 given by Palmer, Riso, and Hudson. Actually this is a typology based on what I call the Keyserling Wheel. To me it seems to combine the Enneagram and the Astrological wheel in a strange way that puts me into a weird space of having the feeling of comprehension of it almost at my fingertips and just beyond grasp. ANALYZE/DISTINGUISH: SPIRIT-SENSING. The adjective - 5 - pertains to analysis, to distinguishing one from another. Its archetypal symbol or myth is Mercury. Mercury involves qualitative discernment and the impulse to judge and rate. It is the "either-or" dissective counterpoint to "both-and" synthesis. The complementary impulse is the first, healing synthesis. The personality type is called the "Status Seeker" or "Performer" or "Motivator". They can be narcissistic, deceptive and pretentious, more concerned with the appearances and trappings of success in their work than with real accomplishments. They are frequently self- assured and energetic, but often too quick to accept the easy answer to a problem, and try to succeed in work through narrow specialization, frequently failing to see the forest for the trees. They tend to be the "Type A" personalities who are ambitious, overly-competitive or "work-aholics". They can also be genuinely-productive, authentic, good motivators and promoters, efficient, knowledgeable and accepting of their limitations, with many outstanding inner qualities and good judgment. from http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/time-cycles/ Below are some of Arnold Keyserling's poems and ,,,,, prophesies, for lack of a better word. Community of Joy Whoever trusts in himself, and respects every friend as a co-worker, will find a community of joy, which in the past was a rare exception and the lot of only a few. from https://schoolofwisdom.com/ Transformation Your transformation can begin immediately. The first step of transformation is the observation of N O T H I N G N E S S, of the interval. The Nothingness is true existence. Until now you have only valued the experience, instead of the interval. The secret of your strength lies in the interval between the shapes and experiences which inhabit your being. Meaning You will come to your senses and discover yourself, when you finally and forever abandon self-pity and self-criticism. Love The essential experience is and remains love. It can’t be induced by sensorial perception because in order for it to penetrate inwardly and emanate outwardly one must be ready for it. Love is the medium of life to be attained, to feel at home with it and through it to examine and govern all phenomena. Whoever opens himself up to the river of love loses his home: he exists in the Universe. Sadness and darkness are no less powerful than laughter and jesting. But in the river man is truly man, he is the master of himself, speaking with things without harming their sacred quality. Wait for the fulfillment of pleasure. This expectation alone produces this openness whereby love flows through all four gates and your center of being is included in the divine circular dance of happiness. Love reaches from the body to the last star, it is a bond which endures. One can never forsake love. Love is omnipresent, it is all consuming, it is all knowing. When there is a lack of awareness, love is destroyed. Love requires your complete participation. L O V E is fullness in equilibrium, letting go, always forgiving, giving, never confining, being aware, valuing that which is real once the dross has been burned away. Love conquers. It creates beautiful things, it is truthful, it exists in harmony with all beings, it protects and preserves values from alienation, it seeks nothing, yet finds all. Seek the dark love as the path to joy and light. Love means to accept the way things appear and let live. Love comes from the fullness of being. It is neither spiritual nor holy. It is God’s gift to reality. Remain true to this one command: love as a pledge of reality. The opposition of the lazy can only be broken with love. Love doesn’t mean grace any longer. It means being a part of the primal vibration of the universe. It is not something that you do, rather something that flows through you. You can’t cultivate love. Love cultivates you, once you open yourself up to it. It surrounds everything; without love there is no motion.

@dflores321 it is the bottom of ego, dissolving the nothingness. At that part is killing yourself. No more than that. Schizophrenia, suicadal thoughts, highest level mood swinging and ending with going crazy, which can cause suicede. Because ego sees it is an completely illusion, which is me that writing these sentences. These sentences are you, and me. Because we are one. All is one, one is ALL.

perception implies a subject-object-duality . All that you can perceive is dependent on a subject perceiving an object (thought, body, emotion, tree, whatever). But when you get deep into non-duality you begin to understand that the distinction between subject (me, ego, self) and object (other or body or world) is artificial; it isn't grounded in anything true. The apparent (illusory) dualites of life exist only to serve survival. It's all one/nothing when you get to the bottom of it (if you dare to, hehe). This will destroy you, absolutely. All boundaries must collapse. The Self (God/Nothingness/Infinite Love) isn't something that can be perceived or found. Because it is ALWAYS the case. Everything is *THAT*, -- You are That -- and it is absolutely empty. It's right in front of your eyes... not to be perceived, but to BE. In fact, perception, and your constant insisting on trying to conclude something 'true' about yourself, or the world, is what hinders you from 'becoming IT' (though you already are it). Everything is the Pure Infinite Love-state. To seek it is to lose it. What hinders one in getting carried away? That one is trying to get to something 'true'. To get to the truth is to get carried away. To get carried away IS the truth ... - what else is there to do? Lose yourself to find Yourself.

@Leo Gura Nothingness summons nothingness himself.

After awakening, schizophrenic thoughts raise up, i realize them and watch them. I am the schizophrenia, as much as it increases, awakening becomes more more more more more more. Love love love. No self, no self, no self. freedom, freedom, freedom. Nothingness, nothingness and nothingness. but if you take schizophrenic feeling as personal and hold on them, such as you are a person and having schizophrenia, you might suicide. Be very very very very careful.

Yes it is a Dream. Formlessness is Pure Love yes it is ephemeral but it is not empty Void. Nothingness in completelly empty sense. Formless=Form Problem is and for 99.9% is "they" only know form. Creates various sorts of misunderstandings about Reality.

Hello friends, I wanted to bring you something I became directly conscious of during a mystical experience. This was what clicked everything into place and finally understood the nature of reality at a deeper level. Let's begin. First, become conscious that your entire visual field surrounds you and encompasses everything near you. Good, now look at yourself in a mirror, and look into your eyes. You will actually see yourself in there, though much smaller. In general, you assume that your eyes are collecting light from the sun and other sources, then transmitting it to the brain. The light in your eyes, is all there is. Let me repeat that because it is very significant. What you perceive as light entering your eyes is actually the complete opposite. The light in your eyes is not coming from an outside source. You are projecting or birthing shapeshifting light from the void. Pure being. No physical world in between (See attached picture) EVERYTHING you see is an appearance of this light. Your body, other people, your mom, the world, the stars, etc. All You. There is no physical sun illuminating the scene and then hitting your eyes. You “think” it’s your visual field but it’s simply light dancing around in nothingness. Almost like a black hole watching it’s event horizon. What you are "reading" or "seeing" right this minute, is just an appearance of light in your eyes. There is nothing behind what you see. Nothing is hidden. You project others, and they project you. This ties in with Quantum mechanics which states matter does not exist unless it is observed. Awakening during this realization was EPIC. We're just pools of possibility / infinity spontaneously creating light to give you the illusion of an "outside" world, when in reality, all you have is this perceptual bubble.

I had the same realization but for me it was extremely pleasant, like an orgasm. But I still don't consider nothingness to be more real than reality. Actually nothingness is something you're imagining and it's fakey. Death is an illusion.

Btw i don't recommend this realization. Its all fun and games with dmt realms salvia etc until you fall into nothingness. Scary.

Very scary trips one of them dissolving me into an awareness observing an endless void.Then i dissolved i was gone. I think i became nothing. Then i came back.The nothingness is me i am empty awareness.It was a scary realization. Honestly i would rather be just a soul than what i saw, this void god as i said in another thread xDD

Context Story - I started experimenting with 1p Lsd on 16/01/2019, for spiritual and self-improvement purposes. The first time I ordered 1p Lsd I was working every day and because I wanted to have more time to introspect about the experiences I started experimenting with micro-dosing. The dosage from 5 to 10 mcg, every third day. Microdosing has helped me a lot to discipline myself with my daily routine and some habits I wanted to quit as well as some habits I wanted to start. Overall it made me very creative and I was able to link things together that made a better overall framework. This helped motivate me because it was as if I could imagine that something I am doing in the present it benefits me for the future. The overall theory by Leo and the 5 years I meditated of course played a role to start to feel like the field is becoming more clear. After a while, I had 2 days off together and I decided to increase the dosage slowly. From 50mcg initially with people watching over me and within a month I started to take it home alone because my friends could not when I could watch over me for 12 hours. Overall my experiences are positive. I noticed that I did not have many visions in my experiences below 150mg, I do not know if it differs from Lsd but I saw no bright lights or fractals, except a wavy sensation and vision at doses above 150mg, and some bright lights at the edge of the field of view. Doses from 100mcg to 200mcg made me realize the limiting beliefs I had about myself that thus limited the vision I could have for myself. People started to look like they were made out of ideas, I could see that everything is based on ideologies and that there is nothing beyond ideology, just as I began to see that ideologies limit people close to me, that they limited me in the past, and all this opened my eyes a lot. I noticed in dosages between 100 to 150 after the first 2 hours, that I was in a very good position to understand theoretical things much better than I could before, to think about something was just very easy and did not require effort from me, as I began to see clear ways of how learning, meditation, and philosophy play a very important role in human life and my life in general. My mind for at least 13 hours was just working, analyzing, and realizing things without effort. Things that Leo is talking about helped clear up some things in my mind and putting them in a broader general context because so many topics had started to come up that I was interested in and I didn't know where to start. So I started in these doses as my mind went into a state of constant thinking to watch Leo videos again, write them down, analyze them, and try to incorporate them into my life. I started to take the purpose of my life much more seriously and the goals I set to achieve that purpose, I could make very practical maps and to see what exactly it takes from me to accomplish some things. The dosage between 1500mcg to 300mcg, was quite different, for at least 6 hours I was not in a state of mental processing, but I could concentrate much better, the sensations in my body were just so intense, I felt so connected to myself, emotionally and I was so vulnerable, it did not affect me at all negatively because I was in the mood to accept everything, and it was like getting to know myself emotionally. I began in this dosages wondering who am I, and I was trying to find out who I am, my mind at that moment was mixed with all the other senses that it was clear to see that thought is another perception and not the one who perceives, there was nothing, it was empty, at that moment the perceiver was not my normal personality, and I began to see that personality is a construct and my style, my attitude, the way I speak, the way I move, and the way I interact with the world play a very big role in who I think I am. I could see why it is so difficult to get to a mystical experience since you need to leave things that you did not know is possible to leave. I also understood ways that you can be corrupted because I was reaching dangerous levels of freedom, wherein essence I could see that no one is superior to me, but neither am I superior to others. The third from the end of my experiences was 370mcg at the end of March 2020. In this experience, I could see that no one perceives, and what existed was just the senses and the void. I could see that this void that is being perceived right now is being perceived by all people and that I am all those who have ever lived in history, and I began to think all the horrible things about death, suffering, pain, and just the world seemed like a big misunderstanding to me. After a month I started experimenting again. This time I raised the dosages much faster because I wanted to take it to another level now that I have time and I can. So in my last experience at 500mcg it got a little weird. Psychedelic Experience - I took the dosage at 12 p.m. Because I knew that the dosage was big and that something might happen that I had never encountered before, I decided to meditate. What scared me like an idea and worried me was that I thought I might open my eyes and just not know where I was and start to freak out with my parents in the next room. As I felt so stressed I said to myself - Just stay still for the whole experience, you are safe, and I was trying to keep my back perfectly straight and my chest completely open, it made me feel so much better, and as time went on I felt stronger, but I was still anxious. After 45 minutes I started feeling very intense things, which made me realize that it will be a really strong experience. I was trying to concentrate but my mind could not stop, so I decide at that moment to put the Om mantra and concentrate, since usually when I have an external meditation sound I am more focused than just letting my mind going wild. As I listen to the sound, the image of an orthodox church comes to me, Om sounds like a priest singing, the bell ringing and the sound of incense, and at that moment I thought of a funeral, it just came to my mind, the sounds in my mind it was like a funeral and I just started to have so bad feelings, a pressure in my chest and a lot of fear, I just wanted to stop listening to it, the moment that I was going to take off the headphones I thought very spontaneously - Why I see it so negatively, and at that moment by itself, the sound for some reason transformed and started to sound so beautiful to me, I had started to feel like I was the sound and I felt so happy that I felt like laughing. At that moment I saw with my own eyes how the mind plays such a big role in my psychological health and the way I interpret things, and it seems to be such a pity that people do not know about it. After 30 minutes I decide to take off my headphones and continue meditating. I close my eyes and started to feel that it is so easy to go into nothingness, so I concentrated and suddenly I became one with my outside world, but not with my room because I had my eyes closed, but with the darkness, I felt like a gum that stuck and became one with something that had a strange feeling, suddenly from the darkness I started to see lines joining together that made squares and at that moment I felt so strange, there was just nothing and I just differentiated the mind so much with the consciousness and I don't know if it was in my imagination but I had the intuition that there is something in the consciousness that knows me and that it knows what I am trying to do. At that moment I opened my eyes and saw in bed the same lines and squares and I just felt that it was too much I wanted to calm down, to avoid the situation I just looked at the time and saw that 5 hours have passed so I said to myself that I will watch a video of Leo and that it was enough for today. I started watching the video of Sameness vs Differences, the first 10 minutes I was fine, Leo's face changed slightly but it was something I was used to seeing happening, suddenly his head started to swell, then it got much bigger, suddenly his head became like a baby it looked funny and I started laughing, and then it got normal, I saw one of his eyes falling, and I thought - this is my nervous system, and at that moment I saw the inside of his face coming out, and it became a face without eyes, mouth, lips, it just made me feel so weird because I had in my mind that his face is a reflection of mine, I left the self phone. At that moment I started to feel really weird, I had the feeling that something was going to happen, and suddenly I felt my nervous system moving, in my forehead, in my upper body, in my arms, in my legs, under my testicles, and I saw the room moving like a ball of jelly, it lengthened then shortened, widened, then narrowed, at the same time I felt the same happening to my body, it was annoying and disorienting, it happened for 5 minutes. However, my nervous system was moving for 3 hours and from time to time something similar happened again but not so strong, or I heard a sound in my ears as if something had exploded next to me, and I felt my nervous system swelling and holding me like it was ready to burst, all over the body but mostly on the legs and under the genitals. It was something I had not heard of happening, and I began to think that I had a neurological condition and that my nervous system would move for the rest of my life, I was trying to catch my body to see if it was really moving or I imagined it and I felt it moving, at that moment I decide to go online (very bad idea) and write nervous system moves after LSD, and I just read - the downsides of LSD - I was just terrified, I turned off my cell phone and I'm just in bed panicking without knowing what to do, and I am just thinking - I will stay that way for the rest of my life, I thought - how I will explain to my parents that the reason I took psychedelics was serious at least for me and not something stupid. I decide to go to the Actualized forum and write my problem, I was lucky enough for a person to answer me very quickly and told me that it is normal and that everything is fine, I just need to surrender, I dropped the phone and tried to I let go and see the annoying feeling like something else, but again I had fear in my mind, and I just waited for the time to pass to see if it would stop. Finally, it stopped after 3 hours and for at least 5 hours it did something like spasms, but without further problems, after the experience although provocative I did not consider it negative, just that for some reason I felt very nice. After this experience I decided to relax a bit, and to research more about psychedelics to be better prepared, I decided after the holidays to start taking small doses of 100 and over and to record the experience, before and after, and my feelings, I started reading a book on psychedelics from Leo's list to get a better picture. We reach my last experience 2 days ago when I took 100mg and I was just sitting, the strange thing with this experience is that it felt stronger than it would normally feel at 100mcg. Then an idea came to me, to lie down and listen to different sounds because I felt that I may have some extracorporeal experience. I closed my eyes, put on headphones and started to feel my body having goosebumps and other sensations pierced my body and I felt them as energy, I felt so beautiful and at that moment my nervous system started moving again, however it did not bother me at all, I was expecting it for some reason, I was trying to see the senses as if they were not dependent on my body, and that they are alone, I was trying to see that my body does not exist, I did it, but it left me, I noticed that the more I concentrated on the senses my nervous system was moving more intensely, and I had the idea that my body was changing. I started thinking about who I am, I was saying who I am again, I was trying to see who I am, but nothing was happening, I was asking again and again, and suddenly I saw the thought of who I am mixed with all the other sensations, and I just saw my mind chasing his tale, like another experience, but it was not the subject, but the subject did not exist, I was trying to concentrate, but when I observed it, it just left me, the more I tried the more I was away and so nothing more happened, just my nervous system was moving for the rest of the experience which did not bother me. Main Concern - I have generally searched the internet for LSD and some psychedelics and what to expect, the strange thing is that I have not heard anywhere about a nervous system that moves, and what concerns me is the movement under my genitals, which I literally feel my testicles are moving or that are about to burst, continuing towards my thighs and lower legs. I'm looking but I do not find anything about a problem that Lsd can cause in the testicles, now I do not know if 1p LSD is a different story. I want to ask if anyone knows anything about this. If anyone has any ideas please share. Thanks.

What if its a more complicated type of solipsism?The infinite universe growing perspective like a tree grows leafs. Looking at itself unaware it is itself. It just is everything that can be, coming from nothingness. Imagine you can grow ears or more eyes. Don't you think god can do this and forget itself? I mean what is limiting it really.

Be less, be more, accept or shift perspective? It would seem that spirituality as practiced by some is all about reduction. It's all about letting go of everything. The ego needs to be killed and removed. The chatting mind needs to be shut off so that we can experience serenity. We need to remove distraction and be still. Standard reality needs to be shunned to make space for a mind altered higher version, so that we can be God. We need to realise that we are bathing in nothingness and that we came from nothing. Enlightenment is just perfect reductionism. There is the opposing side which wants more. It wants to be more conscious, more skilled and more aware and more nuanced. It has to attain nirvana and enlightenment. It has to work for everything in order to get closer to that magical spiritual state. The person you are now will never be enough because you need to be more in all areas of being and knowledge. The more knowledge and insight you accumulate the higher up and further on you are on the path to salvation. More is more. Then there is the middle way. There is only ever this. No matter what you do or try or how hard things get, or how conscious you become, it's still this. There's no escape from it. That is, except to just accept this. Acceptance is the way through the quagmire of judgement and evaluations and storymaking, the antidote to drama. And if you feel acceptance is disingenous, then simply accept that too. Nothing can penetrate the shield of acceptance. The Fourth Way. The fourth way is not a way at all, but a deceptive shapeshifter. We simply allow experience to buffet us around and we constantly shift perspective to keep ourselves upright. We forget about being a someone at all (and expand our identity to everything) and simply become a container for experience. The appearances are the puppetmaster and there's nothing else to do or anywhere to go to. We feel happy and we feel sad and we strive, but are pointedly aware that nothing is going on at all, there is no motion. If we died or disappeared in the next second, it wouldn't matter. If we gave up trying, we simply shapeshift and let it all just be. The Fourth Way is just being whatever arises. Is there another way? Yes. It is not have a way or method. Don't spiritually tangle yourself up just so that you can untangle yourself later. Just live. You cannot force the exacting details of the future but it will come before you know it. You cannot know what you will become, but it will come. You can only be what you are in this moment, nothing more and nothing less. Should you try and change yourself and your life? Yes. But only if you want it in the moment. Should you try and get back to that enlightened state you were in yesterday - permanently? Yes, if you wish to. Should life be dramatic and exhausting and of low consciousness? Yes why not? All options are possible. Don't deny any of them. Your future self does not care about you now.

Amazing discipline! When we reach a new level it never disappears. For example when your feeling of existing behind the eyes shifts to feeling a sense of nothingness, that change is permanent. Or when you go from feeling nothingness to feeling like you are the whole universe. The ego backlashes has to do with temporary states like having many thoughts and feeling bad, to feeling blissful and present. This can happen basically at any level.

Wow, you did a great job putting that into words. Welcome...I saw you are from Oregon ..I'm from Spokane area ? Are you familiar with Robert Wolfe's Ajata Sunyata project? https://ajatasunyata.com/ Void: Eastern mystical writings often refer to the Void, or to Nothingness, as a name for the Unnameable, for that which in the West is called Infinite or Eternal, that which is “not one, not two” and is utterly devoid of division. The nature of this nothingness cannot, even definitionally, be known. Rational exploration can only at best touch hands with intuitive suggestion. In a sense, contemplation of “no division” brings into question every single thing which cognitive thinking of man is grounded upon. For example, among our concepts (limited concepts, attempting to conceive the inconceivable) is the proposition that there is a quality and/or quantity which is described as omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent. But so thoroughly is it actualized that it is the actuality of everything and has no special, separate, or particular identity of its “own”: un-name-able. Being so thoroughly everything, this actuality does not exist, in itself—as some separate, or discernible, entity. In other words, there is not any thing which can be omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent. Put another way, in the realm of absolute nothingness there is no where to go, not anything to be known, not anything which needs to be changed, nor anything which needs to come into, or out of, existence.

I felt infinite tenderness. I understood that the kind of love closest to divine love in this life is that which we feel for a small child. As this wonderful feeling came over me, I heard within my heart a voice that said, 'Through love you will understand everything. The essence, the essence, the essence...' This was followed by a feeling of great peace mixed with joy within my soul. I sensed that my life would change for the better, and this has been the case ever since because I have a greater understanding of my life's true meaning. I then turned to see the light in the sky. A telepathic force poured a series of codes filled with millennial wisdom into my mind about creation, the world, my life and that of all other beings that inhabit all universes, everything being eternal, spiritual life, everything belonging to it and that the distinctions or differences that we make in this life are done out of ignorance or because we have forgotten this truth. As if by a giant magnet, the light drew me to it and I was submerged in its interior where all there was, was light. I forgot I had a body and felt fused with the light. In that moment, I experienced a feeling of 'plural unity' and understood everything with extreme clarity. I discovered what reality is, and saw and understood with my consciousness so alert that it allowed me to comprehend everything with infinite perfection, without any doubt. From my heart sprang an 'Aha!!!!’ feeling, as if there were something I had always known but had forgotten, and that I can't explain with words or human language. I felt like a co-participant of creation. A PART OF WHAT I UNDERSTOOD AND REMEMBER TODAY IS: ***We live in a 'Plural Unity' or 'Oneness'. In other words, our reality is 'Unity in Plurality and Plurality in Unity’. ***I was everything and everything was me, without essential differences other than in temporal appearances. ***There is no external god, but that god is in everything and everything in god, just as life itself. ***There is no God outside ourselves but is, rather, in everything and everything is a part of God, as is life itself. ***God is everything and nothing at the same time. ***Everyone and everything, or temporal phenomenon within this dimension, is where it should be because it emanates from the blueprint of a shared dream (if we can call it that) that is repeated indefinitely until we understand what is essential or real. ***Everything is part of an essential game of life itself, and that to the degree that we live by true love, unconditional and universal, the closer we are to an understanding what life truly is, which is true happiness and perfect wisdom. ***Everything is experience and that this life and the next are essentially the same because everything is god. Nothing is outside of god just as nothing is outside of life itself. ***Death is a metamorphosis of time. One more illusion from our mental concepts. Essentially, time does not exist, nor does space. They are illusions of our creative mind that plays a game of self-deception in the creation of events. ***'I' includes 'We' and are like a mirror where we perceive the reflection of our reality in its many facets and illusions. ***The 'creator' is eternally creating, and one of the creations is the practice of conscious love. 'One learns to paint by painting'. That's why this 'temporal human illusory creation' exists as though it were a matrix within another matrix and this, within another - multi-dimensionally until we wake up. ***I experienced something that can't be transmitted with words but that can be expressed as 'The Essence of Life is its Total Nothingness’ (please understand 'Nothingness' as something that has no intrinsic substance, but is rather constructed by a multitude of phenomena, which in turn are formed by other untold multitude of phenomena to the point of infinity). I understood that intangible, indescribable life is all that exists. There is no death (it's only a description to show the polarities in the world of phenomena). ***Consciously living by love is the essence of life itself and is made manifest or materializes in this plane of existence as a cohesive force to recreate itself in multiple forms as a game in which nothingness recreates itself in temporary, illusory events. ***The known universe is a fraction of infinite reality that by love has become finite pieces in our temporal 'hands'. ***I learned thousands of other things without end, and it is difficult to express in words because words are insufficient, they can't describe what I experienced in this other state of consciousness that was much clearer than this one. When I returned to this life, I felt I had fallen into a very heavy space, and that my body was as lead and my mind was the same and very slow. I saw my loved ones, family and friends as if they were nothing to me. They were only reflections in the great theater of life, and each one voluntarily agreed to play a part in order to learn more and better how to love. I spoke with them to tell them of my experience, and they looked at me as though I were crazy. I realized they didn't understand what I was saying to them. Little by little, my experience grew faint, but there appeared many new special experiences of telepathy, intuition developed between others such as voluntary out of body experiences and involuntary bi-location. I especially cannot control the latter, and I would like to know using conventional language how this phenomenon happens. I only know that everything is eternal, pure consciousness and that we are in a mental dream that is permanently being constructed as a dynamic of consciousness that knows itself and recreates itself through each one of us. That we are the 'point of emptiness' where the void or nothingness of the universe becomes aware of itself. It is really hard to explain this. I know that everything I saw originates from thoughts, or the Universal Mind. It is projected in images and events that interact with lucid consciousness as an experience, and that this whole experience is a part the infinitude of that which is real on every plain or level of existence that we want to invent or divide into pieces so that our temporal mind can decipher it despite its limitations. I believe I understood that what we call God is the silence of indescribable life that is in everything, and everything is in it. As an analogy, we could use the image of steam, converted into water, then into ice. Once it is in that state, ice forgets that it is steam with its capacity for expansion. This is what happens to us in this plane of consciousness. I believe I understood that what we call God is the silence of indescribable life that is in everything and in which everything exists or is within it. A marvelous, loving and conscious eternity. Note: I feel that all the images that were created in my mind during this experience, before entering into the light, are symbolic thought forms of something perhaps more profound that could serve in support of a translation of that which is essential experience. It is impossible to explain with our limited human language, yet I am now trying to decipher it little by little.

What's all of existence is about ? So this is a new (or new old) way to try to conceptualize reality and make sense of it. The distinctions here are arbitrary and completely relative but nevertheless here we go. There is basically only two things in all of existence.. Forms and formlessness. That's it. There isn't and never was and never will be anything else. The forms ALWAYS are limited and impermanent. The formless ONLY is unlimited and permanent. The two Are actually identical but it's hard for the mind to make sense of that (how could these forms be formless?). Instead try to think of it this way.. The formless is the container of forms. You might ask "where are all these forms taking place"? "where does existence happening"? And the answer is really nowhere.. Reality is happening inside of nothingness. If we erase all forms from existence.. What's left? Only pure formlessness. Pure nothingness. So that's like what's underneath all forms. Or the container of all forms.. The original state that then comes different forms and appear inside of it. So this present moment that's happening right now is 50 % forms and 50 % formlessness. We usually don't think of it this way.. We think "it's just forms it's just reality where is this formlessness?". Lol ofcourse you can't see it because it's not a form. It has no qualities whatsoever and that's precisely why and how it is present everywhere and every when yet you can't see it.. Because you can only see forms. But how come forms are present without a container? There must be a container that contains all these forms and it can't be anything else but formlessness. Think about an empty glass that is necessary to have some water or any substance inside of it. But instead what we have here is not an empty "glass".. But rather pure emptiness. Now you might ask.."where did all these forms come from then"? Here there is really no answer. It's pure magic. But the trick is that ultimately all forms appear and disappear.. They are just like dreams or hallucinations.. Forever appearing and disappearing. There is no rational explanation whatsoever why forms are here (the answer is actually that form is formlessness but it's near impossible to make sense of it rationally without a mystical experience). But the only way to relate to it is by understanding that all forms are ultimately a temporary passing show that means absolutely nothing and was never ought to be anything substantial or to form a "reality". The only full realness is to the all mighty nothingness.

@Ancestor This is really well said, the only thing I'd clarify is about "illusion" which also answers your secondary questions. But first a few things need to be said first and understood perhaps. Now you may have noticed by now that words some how mean something to you as you read this sentence and all the sentences you encounter, magical isnt it, and even when you don't understand what your reading, there's still understanding of the experience "not understanding". Curious isn' it dont rush to define how (theres philosophies and theories you could invest your life reading since theres a ton of them which may never get you to the actual reason), just notice how there's consciousness of "whats happening", pretty much all the time. For now lets just call it a part of your being-ness, and there are others that in time you may begin to notice, integrate and in so the experience of experience and being in time will change. Now "illusion" is just a word, however most minds will hear this and interpret it to mean something, like a lot of westerners hear it and think "Oh, its just illusion, its not real, nothings important, non of this is real, its just a dream right, a thought, a empty thing", feelings of meaninglessness and sometimes idea's and desires to just not give a shit about anything will manifest. This isn't what the insight of @Johnny5 is saying. The information is just an unraveling of what a lot of minds and materialists assume about the outside/inside world is. It should leave a big question mark of unknown, perhaps mysteriousness to experience or atleast eventually as you work through your unique reaction to letting this information in. @Johnny5 post is also not saying nothing is real. "Nothing is real" is just words experienced as you read them. If there was TRUELY nothing, there would be no anything to experience, and there would be no experience or stuff to experience about. Since your new you have not encountered books or people saying a lot about something called "nothingness", and perhaps this is a good thing because a lot of them like to make claims about there is actual "nothing" when its actually either pointing to a experience/insight or an ideology which is often misquoted.

A ship of fools I am with all of them fighting over the helm. Maurice Nicoll wisdom on human multiplicity and the pendulum CHAPTER 21 ESCAPING FROM THE LAW OF THE PENDULUM THE LAW OF THE PENDULUM “Our moods are all hung on to pendulums. We should not trust them. Unfortunately, we identify with them. We take them as ourselves. We say: ‘I feel,’ ‘I think,’ and so on. We forget that ‘Real I’ is in the centre of the pendulum-swing, and we allow ourselves to swing between ex- citement and dejection, between enthusiasm and depression, between over-valuation and under-valuation, between conceit and humility, and so on, endlessly. In all this there is no centre of gravity.” V. 1, pp. 328-9 THE LAW OF THE PENDULUM II “Our whole lives, ordinarily, are governed by the Law of the Pendu- lum. We all swing to and fro. When you are in one opposite you are unconscious of the other, and vice versa. You may have idle dreams of rising and rising, of progressing and progressing, of getting better and better, but all these are indeed idle dreams...What do you think self-knowledge means? It means knowledge of all sides of yourself... If you can see both sides of yourself, what you call your good side and your bad, then you begin to be conscious in opposites at the same time.” V. 1, p. 325 ON HAVING NO MIDDLE “The pendulum is the great thief within. I only remind you that you have to find some method of managing it; or else it will take away anything that it gives...If you let yourself identify mechanically with each of the two opposites in turn—that is, with one side and then the other side of the emotional pendulum, wholly believing each with your whole feeling of ‘I’—you will remain helplessly on the pendulum, swinging to and fro from excitement to depression, from depression to excitement...We have to draw the feeling of I out of the opposites. That means one attempts to withdraw the feeling of I from the feeling that one is good or the feeling that one is bad...The feel- ing of I can be squandered in infinite ways.” V. 5, pp. 1561, 1655-6 ON OBTAINING A MIDDLE “We have to observe the whole swing from one extreme to the other in order to discover our particular opposites...An increase in con- sciousness in regard to our emotional life through the making of the opposites conscious by following the swing in Time, and so seeing how they are connected, shifts consciousness gradually towards the middle zone of the pendulum, to a third place lying between the op- posites which becomes receptive of new emotions not on the pendu- lum. We acquire a middle.” V. 5, p. 1563 SEEING THE OPPOSITES “Try sometimes to see the opposite point of view to that which you hold...If the opposite is genuinely and with effort included in con- sciousness the sphere of consciousness is greatly increased and a number of unpleasant features in us disappear. Our one-sidedness, which causes our over-sensitive reactions and also our totally wrong ways of self-evaluation, is replaced by a broader, fuller consciousness. We can no longer insist we are right nor be cast down when proved to be wrong. We find it more difficult to be petty. In fact, we begin to escape from the prison of ourselves whose bars and gates result from our one-sidedness.” V. 5, p. 1521 THIRD FORCE “The Work teaches that there are three forces in every manifesta- tion. We see only two—if we see as far as that...Third Force lies between the opposites and so we can picture it as the mid-point of the pendulum-swing. If you take the feeling of ‘I’ out of both sides of the pendulum, then you do not feel yourself through the opposites and the feeling of ‘I’ moves to the centre, into nothingness, or, if you pre- fer, into not-somethingness. Here in the middle is the place or state where ‘Real I’ is.” V. 1, pp. 329-30 INNER SILENCE “Different ‘I’s, ranged along the orbit of the swing, wish to say now this and now that, as the light of consciousness touches them, wakes them to momentary life. To a limited extent one may permit them to speak, provided one has a distinct idea that neither side is right. Inner silence means being silent in oneself. It means not taking sides in yourself and so being silent. This is impossible if you identify with every ‘I.’ You may let talk take place on one side or the other, but you observe it and are in yourself silent.” V. 1, p. 334 THE FEELING OF NOTHINGNESS “When the Work says that a man must come to realize his own nothingness before he can be re-born, it does not mean that he must humble himself and so on, but that he must by long self-observation actually begin to realize that he is nothing and that there is no such person as himself. The object of this is to get into a position, psycho- logically speaking, between the opposites...Why is it so important to get somewhere into the centre of the pendulum and not swing to and fro? Because here, between the opposites, lie all the possibilities of growth. Here influences from higher levels can reach us. Here, in this place where one can feel one’s own nothingness (and where one is therefore free from contradictions), influences and meanings com- ing from higher centres, which have no contradictions, can be felt. Not regarding yourself as good or bad, not priding yourself on being just or otherwise, not thinking you are well-treated or badly-treated, not being caught by either movement through identifying, you come into this mid-position. This is not easy! With personality active, it is impossible.” V. 1, p. 329

In a computer game, e.g. World of Warcraft - when your Gnome Mage character dies, do you also die? No. Death "IRL" is the same. It's an illusion. A magic trick of God. Death is the great taboo, when in fact death should almost be celebrated as a great blessing. All that dies is that which wasn't even truly real to begin with: your sense of a finite separated self, the human body/person you think you are. Don't worry, you aren't a human being or a body or a name or a person. You are something that cannot be put into words. Some call it Nothingness, Love, Consciousness, Dao, Brahman, God, etc. ... it's all just words. You are 'that which can't be named' having a meta-experience of being a human being, javfly. Eventually, of course, this meta-experience will also pass, just like all other experiences 'in your life' has passed. Now, what happens when this meta-experience of being javfly passes? No one knows. Cos you are no one. Mystery. Infinity. You see, if you as a human 'knew' what would happen the moment your body died, then we wouldn't call it death, hehe. We only call it death, cos we don't know what happens. One thing I know, is that something will happen. Cos Reality is Nothing. And therefore something will happen. You see? It's all truly nothing; absolutely nothing is going on. It's all so empty you won't believe it. Everything you experience is nothingness. And precisely therefore, of course, since something IS nothing (and vice versa), death is also nothing---- therefore, something will happen. Your question about whether death exist or not depends on perspective. Of course, from the perspective of an ego -- a separated self -- death is the realest thing alive! From a higher perspective that sees that ego/the separate self is illusion/unreal, well, then death is also that: unreal, illusion. Nothing is going to die! Hehe?❤️???? Since you are still asking this fine question, you are still operating from a deep inner persistence on the sense of separate self being real. - there is no one to reincarnate - Infinite Love is what is. It's always the case. You are Infinite Love right now. What hinders you from seeing your true nature (Infinite Love) is ignorance, attachments and unconscious survival-mechanisms. Start from where you are right now: a person. Then start working on becoming conscious of how you came to be that person...childhood and all that. Unravel all your survival mechanisms if you are courageous enough. This takes extreme amounts of openness, radical self-honesty and thus also courage. This isn't easy work. It kills you. Suffering will be necessary. Try to acknowledge/become conscious of the fact that what you call 'your whole life', all your 'voluntary actions', all your rationality, all your 'good, and bad, actions' is one big fat lie. You had nothing to do with it. You are just an extremely efficient survival-machine, an ape in suit, doing everything for only one purpose: biological and social survival: climbing or maintaining the human social ranks of being "a good and/or successful person". Selfish beyond imagination. When you have become fully conscious of the fact that you are one big fat survival machine (which will make your ego cry in pain...- ego hates and fear consciousness/awareness/light), then, only then, can you take the next step, which is: transcendence (of all that). You cannot transcend that which you aren't fully conscious of. Ultimately: love is consciousness is acceptance is transcendence is liberation. Only that which is loved can be understood. Only that which you have become conscious of can be transcended. The roads that do not lead you to the heart are all illusory.

So I I just had my second BIG awakening experience, and what I realized was literally mind blowing. I don’t really know why it happened but it went very fast and it lasted for quite some time too until my level of consciousness kind of ”tuned down” After a deep meditation session I went outside for a walk and my perspective totally shifted. I was listening to music and I started to realize that the ”substance” of music and sound is exactly the same as everything else. To explain it better, it felt like music was not sound anymore. It was rather a sort of substance that was made of the same fabric as everything else. When I understood this then suddenly the entire visual field became a part of me and my head. Imagine opening up your skull and you see the entire world in there, that is what it felt like. It was like the fabric of reality was the same and it was basically so pure that it was ridiculous. It was so ”BASIC” and ”right there in your face” that it was like hitting the wall of the Matrix. It was like all air became floating plasma. Like there was no distance except for that things were ”bigger” or ”smaller” (like a stillshot of visual perception, but still fully alive). It was basically all consciousness. The small chain between experience and experiencer, but now only the chain left keeping nothingness together. I began to think (”I” still felt separate from the experience) about how it could be that I never saw this before. I automatically added myself to the equation and understood that the idea of me was just a part of it. Really the only thing that I was, was the nothingness of everything. The place where everything has to happen. I also for the first time ever realized what it meant to be ”in the moment”. I looked up at a couple of birds flying and I just got totally lost in it. It was like everything went out of focus and suddenly just the observation of the birds was enough. It was perfect already. And to be present and ”here” in the ”now” is really just about being aware of what is going and just witnessing the perfection of what already is. It is all a part of the same substance anyway, and the only thing causing separation and value are the thoughts, that actually are mostly just disorganized and not used in an efficient way (aka. ”Monkey Mind”). I was starting to wonder, what if I just entered a psychosis of Solipsism? It got me a little bit scared but I tried to transcend it and see Love in everything, fully accepting. By the time I was about to do this my body became more grounded in reality (or less, lol) it felt and slowly but safely the experience faded. It was kind of sad but I felt like I gained a great insight, to try and see the perfection of the current moment. I did not get the time fully to dive into the next level, but I also guess I was not ready for that yet. I did feel that there is a sense of Love in everything, but it was also in a way overwhelming for me. It was like I had to release myself to Be It. not there yet... maybe some day PS: I get it if nothing makes sense but this was the only way I could describe it

Love is infinite forms except formlessness. Non duality (formlessness) nothing is exist except you, because you are nothing, therefore nothing or you does not exist at the same time. Love is still a form of nothingness. You are nothing in the fist place and still, therefore absolute, and because of that love or infinite love. By the way, if you never learn what human, life, enlightenment, universe, and love, you can never know what they are. But only thing that you can not learn and know is you, because you are already you.

It is confirmed now that reality is but a hallucination by your brain, what you are experiencing is a neurological experience, in the back of your head. But if it is all in your brain, then what is your brain? In order for there to be a brain, there must be a hallucination. This whole hallucination is nothing. it is not physical, You are that nothingness, you are that hallucination. Therefore it is safe to say as a concession that you are creating it. Psychedelics, as others have said, may help you realize this whole process. But the deep investigation into the nature of perception, and self-inquiry will inevitably help you achieve this state of awareness.