Was it a glimpse of INFINITY or?

[Hello from Russia]

Yesterday I decided to meditate deeper with the clear intent of accessing higher states of consciousness and concentration. I want to share what happened and maybe you can help me to make sense of my experience.

So recently I got this idea of how deepening your consciousness state or concentration ability can accelerate and enhance your consciousness work. I've already developed a fairly good concentration ability (4-6 Jhanas, I think), but this time I tried to go even deeper.

I started with one point focus and been there for like 10 minutes, then I managed to expand my perception to a point where I could grasp most of the recurring phenomena with my awareness. It was pretty hard to grasp and perceive ALL phenomena as one object. My body sensations were by far the hardest to unite at this all field. But ultimately I managed to do in and was able to hold pretty much all "worldly" phenomena in my awareness, including body, thoughts, noises, sounds, the whole spaciousness. Basically, EVERYTHING. It felt like a holographic thing and very much like a 360 camera (but with even more dimensionality to it). It was very hard to maintain

Then, I started to wonder and shift my awareness on the opposite edge. What is the thing that is not it? What is the opposite of this ever-occurring phenomenon and my subjective experience? What is unchanging? What is beneath? This way, I was able to shift my awareness and detach from the world of phenomena to the NOTHINGNESS. This thing felt like a void, with no qualities what' so ever. Total silence and non-spaciousness. Basically, I tried to sort of ignore every phenomenon and go for the thing that is NOT IT. And here we go, I was able to focus on that No-thingness or formlessness. Surprisingly, it was actually pretty easy to do for me. Experiencing the wholeness of my subjective phenomena was much harder than that. It was a very equanimous and chill state to be at.

I, then, started to wonder. What is beneath this "beneath"? Is there such a thing that is both not "experience" and not nothingness at the same time? And oh, man, I was able to travel to that area (with my awareness). It felt like I experienced the true nature of paradox. It felt like it was both the phenomena and nothingness at the same time yet none of these things. It was in constant play with each other. I started to have vivid imagery in my mind of various possible (and impossible) phenomena occurring. This thing felt like INFINITE POTENTIALITY. Like it could take whatever form. It was like a smithery of phenomena. This thing, of course, didn't care about the laws of physics at all (or any laws, for that matter). It was completely LIMITLESS and FREE. And It was although this thing was forever inverting itself inside out. It had some forms, yet it was formless and shape-shifting all the time. Also, it seemed to not care about the concept of time at all. Wildly different things could be happening at the same time. Yet it still had some of this Time quality to it.  It seemed although that thing was flexing its powers to me to show me what it can do. Well, I was impressed, to say the least

It was super hard to hold my attention there, more difficult than the 2 previous states combines. It was like the sum of my current subjective phenomena multiplied by a factor of x100 or x1000. So, I couldn't really be there for too long as my mind got tired of this Wambo Jambo continuum. So I subsided. But afterglow after all this was amazing. Still experiencing it. Very calm, super equanimous, way less reactive to the world of form yet can appreciate it more. I guess I also feel more content and happy now (in a true eudemonic sense, not in a stimulation sense). Standard meditation stuff.

So, is it what you guys experience with psychedelic trips or? Did anyone experience something familiar?

I feel like I can relate to Leo Videos on Consciousness way more now (already tried to rewatch the episode on absolute infinity). I think I was able to get to the 6-7-8 Jhanas from these Buddhist models and stay for a bit in 8-9. I plan to develop my concentration skills even more (especially the 6th Jhana, as I seem to have problems with it - grasping on phenomena) and start to self-inquiry from these states as I still seem to be identifying with a human existence

@Leo Gura Would be amazing to hear your thoughts on this, if you have time, of course

Edited October 11, 2020 by Hello from Russia

[Leo Gura]

Sounds like in the right direction.

[Michal__]

"stay for a bit in 8-9"

I mean, if you experienced cessation that definitely counts as infinity. Good job! I've only gotten up to the 4th jhãna myself. 

Have ever accessed upper jhãnas before sleep? I find it impossible to sleep after the 4th jhãna lol.