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@Shunyata Ego is so called “belief of an I”. Willingly let go and surrender everything for truth. You are the “nothingness”. Ego is just a “thought “ as “life, not even. Life is suffering. Buddha

That is the 4th Psychedelic Trip of my life. 1st Trip - 1g Shrooms 2nd Trip - 2g Shrooms 3rd trip - 3g Shrooms 4th Trip - 5g Shrooms I took 5-gram Magic Mushrooms with Lemon Tek with Ginger Tea & Dark Chocolate at 11:30 pm by 09/01/2021 Saturday Alone in Silent Darkness. And started Meditation. I was confident. There was No Fear. Fully conscious and aware and ready to confront my ego’s death. I settled my intention to know my Ultimate Self Deeply & Completely. I was trying to be. I was declining all those things which were not me. Like sensations, sounds, breath, thoughts, etc. My consciousness started to expand in 15 to 20 minutes. And as soon as shrooms hit me (According to me my wife, Electricity in my whole country went off at 11:50 pm.) I think visuals and entities started to manifest but I do not remember those because my main intention was not visuals but to know my real self. During the Trip, I was offered 2 options and I had to choose 1 of them: Infinite Visuals, Worlds, Universes, Colors, Entertainment, Fares, Entities, Tunnels, Infinite Possibilities. Infinite Joy. Go Deeper to know my real self. I chose the 2nd option Because I knew that I have my whole life to enjoy infinite possibilities. But to do the ultimate thing in this life to know yourself which will lead me to Know God And Understanding God Will answer my all existential questions. Now I was diving into the tunnel of my real self deeply like a rocket into the dark space and my ego was throwing a different kind of distractions toward me so I can not reach the source because ego knew that it will lead to Ego Death. Ego was trying to give me wrong answers like You are these sensations, you are that, you are that and I was breaking all asteroids, distractions by denying and saying that I am not that, I am not that, I am the one who is trying to find myself. Then I realized that seeking is the problem. I can not find myself till I am seeking. Who am I seeking? I am already as it is. Then I became Nothingness, I became what I am, I became Love, I became creator, I became Expression of love. Then I started getting answers to all of my existential questions. The answer to each existential question was leading to Pure Bliss and happiness and laughter. I was in an un-describe-able blissful state getting answers to all of my questions. I know that I experienced many many other positive things as well but I do not remember them now clearly and completely. I wanted to express my feelings, I wanted to write a lot of things I wanted to share my every insight. I wanted to talk to someone. Everything was going amazingly. I understood a lot of things and got answers to a lot of questions. I understood that I just am, I am Transparent Love, I am Peace, everything else like (thoughts, sensations, Existence, etc is just expressions of my infinity, Love, Creativity). There is transparent Nothingness which have not any properties than the 1st thing that nothingness becomes conscious of itself and recognize itself as pure bliss, peace, infinity, and love and then enjoy itself through the expression of its infinite creative love. Jawad and its world is just 1 possibility from his infinite possibilities. Nothingness became Consciousness and in that consciousness, nothingness expresses its infinite love which results in infinite creations, and then nothingness becomes a person like me so It can praise that infinite love, talk about it, enjoy it and spread love among others, help others, make others life easy, to listen to others, I am here to love. I am acceptance of someone’s Pray. This is how God Fulfill your prayers & wishes. God made Everything around you to make your life better. Because he loves you. Everything is perfect. Consciousness is evolving all the time. There is no Joy in selfishness, Joy is hidden in living for others. Selfishness leads toward selfish desires which are the cause of all kinds of suffering. Then I don’t know when my consciousness expanded at the level where I was able to manifest any version of my life at will. It was like I was writing my own destiny. It was like I am not just writing my infinite destinies but I was living those lives as well. There were infinite versions of my life. And at that stage, I was living infinite versions of my life at the same time. I experienced centuries, I experienced that I am Hearing prayers of everyone. Then I was at a level where I knew that I have infinite power and I can create or manifest anything. In fact, At that stage, my thoughts were not just thoughts. My every thought was manifesting into reality. Whatever I was thinking was becoming a physical reality. So When I realized that I have infinite Power and I was going through experiencing infinite possibilities at light speed. So I thought Let’s manifest a life where I have the best version of my life, so I stopped into nothingness and manifested the best life of my choice. There was not a process of manifestation. I just decided and there I was in that life. And in that life, Jawad had infinite powers of God and could see with the eyes or perspective of God. And in that life that God’s Infinite power became a problem. The worst problem. I was totally awake to that truth that I am still alone, Nothingness and I am just Imagining everything. I got a bit panicked said no no no I don’t want to be alone I want to be with others like I was before. I tried many times and I was able to manifest any kind of life but I was not forgetting the fact that I am God and everything else is just my Imagination. And that Infinite superpower became my curse and I went into Panic, Shock, I wanted to forget that I am God and wanted to live a human life but that became impossible for me. Let me give you an example of how it felt like with the following example: Right now where ever you are and whatever you are experiencing right now is seems totally vivid and real, physical to you and everything else like nothingness, God, Infinity, etc.. is just your thought, imagination, and concept. Now think about how it would feel like if it’s the opposite of that? At that stage, my Infinity was the most vivid and physical thing and everything else was like my imagination. And I wanted the opposite of that, I wanted to get rid of my infinite powers but that was not possible because, in Reality, It is me and my real self. I can not get rid of my real self. My Thoughts were becoming reality. My (Ego’s) Fears, Insecurities, desires, craving, and aversion started to come to the surface. Negative thoughts started to appear. That was not the right time for negative thoughts because it was the time when each thought was manifesting into reality. I started to suffer due to my own desires. At that stage I got the answer to the following question: Q: Why God would like to forget himself while living this life? A: If you are a Jawad slave of your own, fears, desires, attachments, and insecurities then you can not Handel the fact that you are alone, you are the only one there is nothing else, there is nowhere to go. You are nothing and everything else is just your thought. If you are a pour Ego who is attached to the world then you can not handle that fact and you can become mad. So when we come to this world we need to free ourselves from our own attachments, fears, and desires and adopt the power of acceptance, gratitude, detachment then we can handle our own true Power of infinite Love. Due to my own Fears, Attachments, Desires, I couldn’t handle my own true infinite Power and started to get panic. So my every thought was manifesting into reality and I started to think negatively in a panic my negative thoughts started to manifest into reality which again pushing me into more panic. Suddenly I started to live the life of a blind man. I saw that due to any side effect of shrooms I have lost my sight now I can not see anymore. My trip is finished, every member of my family is around me, I am crying, sad, Facing a lot of regrets that why I took this substance now I am blind. I experienced the pain of blind people. Then I lived that whole life without vision and with regret and pain. It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I started to live the life of a mad man. I saw that I am gone mad due to psychedelics, Now I am mad + Blind. I don’t know any language, I am in Panic, Crying, regretting, Then My whole family is around me, talking about me, They called the doctor and declared me psychologically ill and took me to Hospital of mad People and gave me electric shocks. Then I spent my whole life like this. Unconsciously I was saying no no no no What I have done. Shit Shit. I was saying I want my normal life back please God Please help me. And It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I saw that I am physically dead, my whole family is around me, they are crying, sad, talking about me that Jawad was in these things all the time, We always told him not to get into these things but He never heard us. They arranged my funeral, they dropped me into the grave, etc Then again I was back in consciousness, It was dark, I was alone, I had nothing, not even my body I was really sad, I was crying, I was saying I should have not done this. What I have done, No, No No, Please Please Please. I wanted to come back to reality. After a lot of struggle to go back to normal life, after a lot of psychological suffering, I tired and with ultimate sadness, I decided to surrender and accept the reality that I am dead. And thought lets, go back to the death, to nothingness, to forgetfulness, to deep sleep. And then I got dead, I went into a deep sleep and there was one more thing that was scarier than all above things there I realized that I can not sleep, I can not die, I can not lose my awareness, my consciousness because I am God. And God can not die, He never sleeps. I realized that I have to accept the fact that now I have to remain alone as transparent consciousness forever. That thought made me mad again and I started to live Madly again in Darkness. And I had the power to manifest the normal life again and I did it many times but even after getting the normal life back I was not losing the vision or perspective of God in which I was able to live the normal life but with my Infinite vision, I was able to see that I am still alone and I am just imagining all of this. And that was not making me calm and happy. In the end, after trying for many centuries I thought let’s Imagine the normal same life again and start to live that imagination and just keep trying to forget and fade out your Infinite Vision and try to make your imagination as vivid as possible. So 1st of all I manifested rays of light, then I manifested a few objects illumined with that light, then I manifested the feeling of changing my direction, my location, then I manifested the face of my wife appeared from that Light like God have come to me help me in face of my wife. She smiled and said are you Ok? Are you fine? Do you want to come outside of the room? I said Yes, I am fine and would like to come outside. I was trying to act normal and at that time My infinite nothingness vision was more vivid than this imaginative world. There I started to find a way to get out of nothingness to the world of imagination. The more I was focusing on the objects of the Imagination world the more the imagination world was coming into life and vivid. I came out of the room there was nothing other than my wife so through my imagination I manifested outside of my room. She brought me into the Lounge and gave me a chair to sit. Now my world of imagination was coming and going and I was really afraid of losing that imagination world again. So I was trying to focus as much as possible on my imagination of this physical world to keep it more vivid and real. I asked my wife to keep talking to me so I can stay here. Then I realized that I have forgotten to manifest my Body so through the power of Imagination I manifested my Body and I was looking at my Body and other things like I have come back here after centuries. Now with the passing of time, I started to feel that now this Imagination world getting more vivid and my real self which is infinite is fading out. My infinite powers started to fade out with time. And then in the last phase of this trip, I was overwhelmed with Love. The answer to Each of the questions of my wife was “Love”. I learned that Infinite Love is so powerful and deep that you can not handle it if you have fears, attachments, desires, insecurities, Negativities in your Ego’s Subcoonciousn mind. That is why we 1st need to purify ourselves before the actual physical death. If you have purified yourself from all kinds of impurities before the physical death then that infinite love will become your infinite heaven forever or if you don’t purify yourself from your deepest impurities before physical death then you will not be able to handle your own infinite power of love and your own impurities will become your forever torment. Now I am Sober but I know I am sure that I am alone and I can never die and right now I am living an imagination. And now my goal is to work on my impurities, get rid of them and bring gratitude, acceptance, detachment in my life so my Ego Or I can accept my death peacefully and live in the ocean of love eternally. When I totally came back from my trip, the Electricity in my country also came back. The public, Media & Government of my country is still wondering why Electricity was gone.

I am afraid of realizing this “nothingness”, and also feeling trapped in that nothingness. How can I overcome this fear?

Nonmatter how chaotic and unpredictable everything appears to be on the surface, there is only one probe being sent through infinity, but as it's sending itself, it is seeing those instances when it has sent itself before and after as well, all around it, it's nested in this funhouse of mirrors. Each instance of being, as its exploring infinity, is nothingness but it is so focused on you right now that it can't be aware of existing as other beings while it is focusing on you, it is creating the illusion of interacting with many others, its all alone exploring and has all of eternity to explore, so it changes as it explores, allowing it to be infinite selves while being surrounded by those same instances of its own moments of exploration! So if you see your Mother, that means you have explored that instance already, so not remembering yourself doing that is enough for her to appear unpredictable to you and as an "other". This is you as the one being, playing hide and go seek, with just you, just you beside your damn self. You can change and forget that you have changed an infinite amount of times. That's how you can convince yourself that you are surrounded by an infinite amount of unique beings, who seem to have different motivations, personalities, and childhoods. Even looking into the eyes of an animal, is a more accurate mirror of yourself than an actual mirror! They are a mirror of your pure being or your ancient self in that one time when you explored that thing, everything around you is your pure self, you are taking an eternity to explore it in all the ways you can imagine, these ways somehow keep getting more fun and rich without end! If you were to only explore infinity in the 5th dimension, you would explore it all at once and be done with infinity without even getting started, so that's why you are in this 3rd dimension. Imagine being in a play where you play every character, one character at a time, but you run around so fast that it does not appear that you are changing into different outfits, but rather there is this group of beings that seem to appear all together on stage. You are not even aware that you are generating this fake party for yourself, as your own design has these anti-loneliness properties, featuring the ability to forget that you have put on the other costumes before. All that you are trying so hard to obtain here, will only amount to memories, so, why not reach Nirvana now? Feel the high that must be felt by infinity, what better thing could you even be? Feel the way infinity would feel, when it realizes that it's infinity, what a high it must be to know that each lifetime is this ever-increasing pleasure, not pain, you are a silly baby that will survive death, don’t you realize that you get to eat Tiramisu here and somehow all the dinosaurs are gone. That’s what ever-increasing pleasure and joy is! BE what you really are already, you don’t have to always play your game, be what you always were, forget that “human” thing, that's a garbage idea, a failed attempt to understand something by an Ape, you have been living as a dumb idea farted out by an Ape, ignorance is actually the fear you feel, like a scarred kitten. You are actually an explorer of every paradise and every good drama, it's not suffering it's a good drama that always gets closer to paradise, that’s what you will always be without end, not an Ape. Now extend this concept to the galaxies that you see around you, YOU were in those costumes too, hello? It only takes one, YOU specifically, sitting here now, as you are to do it all! Starting now, if you never forget the real reasons for your bliss, your bliss will NEVER forget you.

Nirvana or enlightenment is realization of nothing has never happened (birth, death, universe, infinite, life vs just happens within the process of thoughts, which is naming, labeling and putting meaning on the words and thoughts. Even saying thoughts to “thoughts “, words to “words”). Unfortunately, conversations quoted above is just the story of ego. Because, ego is alive (just a thought as a thought ), not You. ? There is no life nor death, you are already what you are. ? Additionally, do you guys think that these are conversations or words or you are alive and talking in forum? If answer is “yes”. It is because “you” “think”. ? Thats what so called “ego” and so called “self” is. ? There is no “you” nor “thinking” , Now is before birth. This is the Truth. Definitely ?✊ All is “nothingness”, which is You.

“You” can “experience “ infinity. Because i f you dont know what is infinite, how can you know that you have “experienced “ “infinity “. Many people experience nothingness with psychedelics, but because of the thought process still continues, you can never really really become nothingness. Nothingness can not be “experienced”, can just “be”. Because only when you “not know”, you can be nothing. And thats what the awakening is. Enlightenment is freedom, if you talking about bliss as freedom. Yes it is. Flawlessness, effortlessness. You are already what you are, instead of “you” are having “sex”, let go of the thought of “self”, and be the “sex”. 1000 times more feeling than as average person do. With an empty mind, be it directly. Because it is not “sex”, it is you (same goes for “love”).

I think dreams shows us how reality is getting created, just first a sort of blankness when falling asleep then instantly manifestation, you are taking a role as an " ego" and other people are as real as here. God is the dreamer of the universe but we as contracted and limited versions of GOD can generate our own world with dreaming. As above so below. Leo is exactly right when he says that reality is imagination. All we ever do is imagine shit. But still a human form of dream is not the same as when GOD is " dreaming" for he has infinite power to manifest things which is not even possible to comprehend for us in this form. Unlimited imagination is the only thing which nothingness uses to produce an experience.

Definitely?✊ Because, mind can not think or cling of nothingness, letting go of the mind make “the one” can just “be”.

Nothingness is all there is. There is no such a thing as “knowing, grasping, I, magical or reality”. Only when “you” not know, “you” can “be”.

@Javfly33 Can you grasp WHY nothingness is aware? I know it is, but I wanna know more, It is too magical not to be curious you know?

Yes. If everyone was at an advanced enough stage of enlightenment it would be as if the earth was one giant collective consciousness. Think of the ideal family who's values align so perfectly that there is never any issues. Now extend that family to everyone on the planet. At an advanced enough stage of enlightenment, all resistance to what is ceases. The duality between selfishness and selflessness is shattered. The idea of doing anything to harm another person seems ridiculous. The idea of taking from others to suit yourself seems counterproductive, because everyone IS you. Once you realize your groundless nature and your identity becomes completely fluid, it makes more sense to abide as the entire earth rather than as an individual. You don't have to tell someone not to cut off their own arm haha. Anyone who claims "full" enlightenment doesn't come with complete morality simply hasn't reached a high enough stage of enlightenment. Enlightenment is different for everyone though. Morality is simply one aspect of awakening, just like an awakening into equanimity, infinite intelligence, or nothingness.

@OBEler well, I started with psychedelics with the idea of transcending the ego, and all this horror was obviously the ego struggling not to be transcended, so I saw in it a perfect tool. If you think about it objectively, there is not so much to fear, it is true that there is the possibility of very intense fear, but the mind knows how to adapt and it is quickly forgotten. In addition, each experience is one more step in the understanding of the ego. instead, the possible benefits are enormous: liberation. I'm not saying it's at that point, but the difference from when I started is big. What changed? At first you can't even imagine what is an ego death, after you start to get used to give up . The nothingness is purity

Absolute infinity is no more than a concept just like absolute nothingness in the sense that neither can be experienced. That's the nature of experience. For experience to even exist, there must be a finite aspect to it. But also, there must be SOME aspect to it to experience, even if it's just experience itself. That's why you can't experience absolute nothingness, because absolute nothingness is absolutely nothing, including the lack of experience itself. BUT you can intuitively know that your true nature is both absolute infinity and absolute nothingness. The duality between the two collapses. They're two sides of the same coin. Your true nature is beyond even experience. It's the invisible (invisible not just by sight but by all senses including the sense of being) infinite intelligence that even allows experience to exist. Solipsism itself doesn't NEED to be a truth just as the concept of a flying spaghetti monster doesn't need to be a truth. In fact, because both are language, they CANNOT be truth. Both exist as concepts but no more. The philosophy of solipsism is useful because can POINT to what is. Essentially solipsism is an incomplete description of the subjective experience just as any definition of God is an incomplete description of God. Your true nature is completely non dual - neither solipsistic nor not solipsistic. For most people, though, it helps to work on a more solipsistic view, because for most people that's the opposite side of the coin. Most people are too caught up in the paradigm that every sentient being has a separate mind and experience.

I've found contemplating the difference between somethingness and nothingness to be more effective. It can lead you to realize that there is no such thing as death. You've been sitting in the same spot for eternity, in pure emptiness.

I took part in a year long online group reading of Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson in 2017. Being that it was a small group, it became an atmosphere where we sometimes shared our inner world along with our self observations. It was all saved to Google Drive. The following is what I shared at the end of chapter 43. Thoughts on empathy and compassion in relation to Spiral Dynamics. I’m not claiming what I wrote was spot on. I’m sharing it as just food for thought. Anyone feel free to give an opinion or question me. DS - More on not expressing negative emotions. I mentioned in one post about the ‘payment’ I felt when achieving this aim in a time of stress. It feels like resolving a disparity in a small puzzle piece of my shadow. On the other side is specific kinds situations in which I continually fail. When I become more than just dismayed and disgusted at my inability to stay awake, a big shift can take place if it causes me to see and feel my own nothingness. The nothingness of my personality/ego self. Regarding The Tales being overweight in Patriarchy, misogyny, and other biases against the feminine. I've been pondering on the second tier of Spiral Dynamics as being Gurdjieffs intended territory of destination for his persistent readers. The first level encountered in the second tier is yellow. It has a multiperspectival approach to learning and gathering information and living in general. The yellow individual is more interested in understanding accurately someone's view than they are in labeling it. This multi-perspectival kind of awareness is key. It turns every offensive or seemingly ignorant perspective into a curiosity or a mystery to figure out or understand why it is that people perceive the way they do. But this requires the kind of impartiality that Gurdjieff is talking about. Enduring an injustice,,,, or being emotionally abused and tormented by someone for months or maybe years. Being ridiculed,,,,ostracized ,,,, and mocked. These situations grow us in terms of 'being', faster than anything. That is, if one isn't traumatized beyond recoverability. But at the same time, the amount of intensity needs to be enough for one to be pushed into a kind of state that one has never experienced before. This experience reveals more of what being 'identified' is about. This is a part of second tier awareness. That's where green and yellow differ in terms of emotional suffering in connection with wanting to be a protector and an advocate of compassion for all apparently disadvantaged beings. From outward appearances green looks more 'spiritual' than yellow. That's because yellow has more impartiality that can be interpreted by some as cold and detached. People in yellow are not as apt to experience the feeling of pity toward others because they realize it perpetuates unnecessary suffering and is an attitude declaring the Divine to be inept. In the second tier it seems pity is completely replaced by empathy.

If my experience is of any use to you, for me nothingness, infinity, call it whatever you want, it was absolute horror, death, and now it seems to me the most wonderful. the difference is in me, not in the infinity obviously, and that difference has been produced in about 4 months thanks to this substance. it's an amazing catalyst.

Nothingness is usually experienced as fear, as the mind mistakes death for something real. If you keep being conscious as you fear, what the fear is in reality, it is just the experience of being rapidly aware of something. It appears as there is nothing there, but if you keep at it, you will understand what that "thing" is. In the many "nothings" that I've experienced, none of them were experienced as a loss after I died. On the contrary, all it requires is to give up beliefs about the world and see for yourself what really is true.

Love is the wormhole to God, since God is Love. Replace your fear with Love. Love truth, reality, and consciousness so much that you forget all about fear of nothingness or death. That is the way.

Nothingness was a recognition that occurred when the sense of self that casted meaning and value onto everything died. What remained was an incredible empty happening.

@Endangered-EGO Ego curling up has some kind of content in it, usually like a void, it is the ego trying to escape some kind of suffering that it believes it cannot handle. Nothingness is the nothing that is everything. There is no expirence, execpt the Nothingness. Everything you expirence is expirenced as the Nothingness. Emotions are like vortexs yes. The fear is a reaction to something about your ideas of what Nothingness is. As long as you keep making distinctions between pleasent sensations & unplensent ones it is. Not saying that is easy, just it is useful to notice. There is just the senstations. Ego death doesn't have to be painful & fearful, it is just that we usually associate death with those things. The ego will of course want you to think that it is going to be horrifing, because it doesn't want you to realize that it was all a made up fiction.

if i'm god, why do i feel like i'm just a human? and don't tell me that that's what your parents told you, because they're an illusion too right?. Why don't i just exist as god/nothingness/consciousness/whatever and that's it. why do i have to meditate or watch some video to realize that? isn't god not bound by time? maybe what i'm asking is why does this illusion exist, and to realize that you have to go to some country and get fuked by a zen master to realize that! Why all this drama? i really wanna make sense of this but i can't. and i know that i can't make sense of this by thinking about it because thinking is just more dreaming... BUT WHY??? why the fuk is it this why and not another why? (Please don't look at this as multiple questions, try to see the full picture of what i'm trying to ask). (and if you're gonna answer this question by telling me that my senses aren't sharp enough or some bullshit like that. YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE POINT). (and of course the question isn't really "If" i'm god, i'm not questioning that fact, i'm not newbie i've watched so many of @Leo Gura videos for many years so this enlightenment is not new to me).

@OctagonOctopus Well the trauma was in reaction to eternity while being high. The next 6 months where I experienced it, I would describe it as the nothingness without love. It is exactly what is described: eternity, reality being a dream, nothing has substance, no self, no other (all alone). It came at random moments during the day, at the gym, while eating, in class etc. The first time was terrifying, but afterwards it was mostly empty. The fear of it also didn't show up after I stopped experiencing it regularly. Fear of other things came afterwards. I am really not sure. You know that love can elevate your concentration towards something, it's easier to focus on a pleasant sensation than on a neutral one. Fear also absorbs you into what you fear, the more you fear it the more intense it gets, the more you fear it. What's the difference for you between ego curl up and nothingness?

The nothingness you expirenced could have actaully been a trauma reaction where the ego bascially curls up into a ball and shuts everything out & not Nothingness. Emotions are based on concepts and beliefs, emotions are reactions to the concepts that are constucting your entire sense of self & reality. Torturing the mind? What do you mean? The greatest love you can do for yourself is to realize fully what you really are.

@Leo Gura what about the nothingness part? why even bother to take 5-MEO-DMT and do the work if I can just look at a cactus and the cactus is God.

That is what iam pointing to, that this is nothing cause LITERAL NOTHING does not exist. Atleast thats how i see it. This nothing=something. so they are one and the same. i just mean that existence IS. even if it can " seem" " non existent" it is actually existence. GOD is nothingness in that sense, always been always will be in one way or another.