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  1. Forgive me for not posting this on the 5Meo mega thread. There’s a lot of useful information there, it goes very broad, but here I wanted to focus on one specific topic in particular - surrendering the ego with 5MeO. A bit of background on the situation: I’ve been doing quite a bit of psychedelics in the last year, mostly LSD, mushrooms, and DMT. In my experience, all psychedelics make me more aware of my underlying existential fear. That fear of death, of losing my “self”, of letting go of my identity - which I’m largely unaware of on a daily basis - is brought under the light of awareness when I take entheogens. On LSD and mushrooms that existential fear is pretty small, and if I maintain good bi-lateral symmetry, be mindful of my breathing, focus, concentrate, and an adhere to an assortment of other basic psychonaut tips and techniques, I can surrender and release whatever needs to be released. This usually takes a few hours of laying on my bed before I feel that I’ve processed everything I need to process, and once I’m done, I’m free to do whatever I want without that low-level anxiety. It’s usually slightly challenging, but also natural and enjoyable. BUT, on DMT it’s a totally different story. I’ve done quite a bit of DMT and I’m NEVER able to surrender. I’ve tried and tried. On low doses and high doses. There’s always this sense of existential fear, and I can feel my ego holding on. The trips are still rewarding, I always get so much out of them. But they are also usually very fear inducing for me. A couple of my DMT trips have been genuinely traumatizing. Well I’ve been wanting to do 5MeO for some time now. I’ve also been wanting to meet an enlightened being for a while now. Well by crazy coincidence or divine design, a few weeks ago I totally randomly met someone who is certainly enlightened, and who I now consider to be a mentor and great friend. And he happened to get me an appointment with a toad master for a bufo 5Meo session, and it’s happening tomorrow. So here’s the situation: I am excited. I feel so grateful for this opportunity. I know it’s going to be such a blessing of an experience. I know I’m going to be happy that I did it no matter what. I feel that the toad found me because that’s what I need for my process, and I trust that this is all going perfectly according to plan, even when I can’t see it. But I also know that not every ego is able to let go and surrender to the Truth - and for those individuals it’s a very hard time. I know it’s going to be challenging and probably very frightening, I’ve accepted that - that’s not my main concern. My main concern is that I hope to be able to surrender and accept the fear. I want to let go. But there’s this extra layer of apprehension that stems from my experience of not being able to “let go” on DMT. And I feel comfortable assuming that my ego couldn’t let go, because I’ve never been able to do DMT without fear and anxiety. (Any insights on why this is the case are welcome) Okay, so I want to surrender.. But then I realize that my desire to let go, is in itself, a form of holding on. Wanting to surrender isn’t true surrender, it’s just resisting my resistance. Obviously the goal is to just “drop it” but that’s easier said than done. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not overly afraid. It’s more like butterflies before a big sports game. I’ve been looking forward to this for so long and it’s finally here and I’m confronted with the reality that I am not close to prepared, but I never will be, and I’m going to do it because that’s what feels right, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be successful at letting go and surrendering to the experience. Anyone with experience with 5MeO, specifically the toad, I would love a little input on letting go of the ego, and surrendering to the experience - even in the face of intense existential terror. How challenging was it for you? What was your mindset going into it? What did you do that worked? What would you have done differently? What were the after-affects like? Anyone have a bad trip that they’re thankful for? Any insight would be really appreciated. I feel so grateful that this forum exists where I can express myself and learn from others on the path. I know that ultimately all the answers are within me, but comments from others can be a great source of inspiration. Thank you all and much love!
  2. @kieranperez I feel like spiritual communities can work if we lower the bar for spiritual communities. Not expecting them to be formal or established, but just expecting them to provide that sense of love and belonging and supportive energy that is so nourishing to personal growth. A community is "a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society". In my apartment, we all watch Leo, and we talk about almost everything within the frame & value system of self-actualization. We have our own group-think and hence our own little community. I know that's probably not what you mean, it's much more informal, less sexy. But it makes sense to me that the best way to find a community geared toward your highest aims is to create it. And the best way to create it, is to start with those closest to you, whom you already love. You can even do finances in your little community. My apartment is planning on establishing a multi-family-office together so we can amass our capital into one place and invest more strategically. When you really isolate from all the more shallow socializing and go deep into your self-made family, it really can feel like a strong community. You share resources, provide counsel & emotional support, learn from each other, and deepen the bonds of love with each other. You can really go deep without a formalized community structure, as long as you have a strong intention and shared vision. I originally got the idea from Epicurus, who I was a big fan of as a freshman philosophy student. In fact Epicurean communes were the first documented communes in the western world, an idea which Christian monasteries built on. It's worth looking into how he did it, he was wildly successful after all. A few friends turned into 400,000+ members all across Europe.
  3. @kieranperez Really great existential vocab word to contemplate. Happy to throw my own modeling in. Existentially, beliefs are just thoughts, appearances in void. But that doesn't give us much practical help in undoing beliefs. So I'm more interested in investigating the structure of beliefs in the relative domain. Because an understanding of how beliefs are structured should allow for a more systematic approach to deconstructing them. It seems that beliefs are structured like this: Thoughts are arranged with sufficient complexity to create concepts (so concepts are an emergent property of thought) -> the concepts become beliefs when the individual identifies with the concept, (accepts it). Individuals identify with concepts when the concept is perceived to have a survival advantage. We absorb concepts like Mario mushrooms - we do it for practical reasons - once absorbed, it becomes a belief, and Mario can't just regurgitate the mushroom, it's a part of him now. If he wants to get rid of that mushroom, he's going to have to take some damage, it's going to hurt him, it's going to make him less. (Just as an aside, the belief in truth and falsehood is a meta-filter belief that 'gives us permission' to identify with more concepts. We believe that some things are true and some things are false. This is like a seed belief that grows more and more beliefs, so special attention should be paid to it.) When you know that someone is trying to manipulate you, you're in a much more empowered position to resist being manipulated. So by understanding that beliefs are just concepts which we have identified with, for the purpose of our own self-survival, we recognize that every belief we have is a pressure point, where our mind is manipulating us. So we take things step by step. First, we have to create a gap between us and the belief by understanding that it's just a concept. If it doesn't feel like 'just a concept', it feels like truth, that okay, we don't beat ourselves up for it. We do copious research on different concepts and perspectives in the same domain. When we only have 1 concept, of course that concept feels true! It's like if you only had one pet fish, that's my fish. It's special. So we accumulate many different concepts and perspectives in the same domain (other ways it could be), and do deep research into all of them, to the point that they all feel plausible. Now your only fish that felt so special, becomes just another fish in a massive school of fish. It doesn't feel special anymore. It doesn't have the same power over you. You've elevated your perspective, taken a few steps back and realized that there never was anything special about that fish, we just had our face pressed to the glass so hard that we couldn't see the school - we were myopic. And once that one fish feels less special, we become a little confused. Wait - why did that fish feel so special in the first place again? We almost forget. Oh fuck! Yeah it was because the fish seduced me! By promising that it would make me more popular, more powerful, more intelligent, that I would know the knowledge of good and evil and… wtf! That fish is a snake!!
  4. @kieranperez Caution with psychedelics is certainly important, to the extent that it is oriented towards keeping you safe. But let's not demonize danger here. Sometimes when careful, calculated, incremental attempts at improvement aren't producing the desired results, it's often because resistance is manifesting itself under the guise of caution. The same resistance that caused psychedelics to be classified as a schedule 1 narcotic, is the same reistance that whispers "this probably isn't a good idea right now" or "I need to be in a better place mentally before I do this". Now, that voice could also be genuine intuition. Or it could be ego-resistance. The point is to be skeptical both of your desire to use substances and to abstain from substances. I've observed that when it comes to psychedelics, most advice will err on the side of not doing psychedelics. I offer a different perspective; once the variables have been taken into account, and the analysis run with a clear and objective mind, err on the side of taking your fucking medicine. Most of the time - baby steps. But sometimes you gotta know when to take a damn leap. I'm not saying be stupid, start with a very very small dose, pay attention to set & setting, have a trip sitter if desired, etc, etc. There's a difference between trying to prevent serious damage and preventing a bad trip. Sometimes a bad trip is EXACTLY what is needed. My girlfriend did not want to do psychedelics for years. And for years I tried to gently support her in creating the life she wanted to create. But little real progress was made, we were mostly going in circles - she still suffered much. So, without going into detail, we did one "warm-up" trip with .3g shrooms, where we didn't do any work, just got her comfortable facing her fears, it went great. The second time we did .7g, and actually went to work. She freaked out, it was traumatizing for her, and has been one of the most pivotal decisions she's made yet. The subsequent positive consequences have been like divine intervention. Depression, low self-esteem, lacking vision and integrity, losing touch with your intuition, lost in the ego-mind's victim stories, these are not indicators of how you've failed or somehow aren't good enough to take psychedelics. These are symptoms, and it sounds like you need to take your medicine. Using any substance as a crutch is always a dangerous trap, but that's fucking life. Life isn't 100% safe. Psychedelics are not and will never be 100% safe. But damn, they're a lot safer than they're perceived to be. Psychedelics are antiaddictive, you've smoked weed and you didn't start using that as a crutch. You experience what you focus on, and you don't seem to be focusing on finding a crutch, you seem to be focused on finding a real solution. It sounds like you're in a shit situation, and that dynamic is forcing you into a frame where you don't feel like you're winning, but don't be too hard on yourself mate. Stay firm, stay course, this will pass. Don't let your circumstances keep you sucked in, sometimes you gotta rip the chains off your back with a defiant "NO FUCK THAT SHIT!" and stop letting your current circumstances dictate your future trajectory. All you can do is keep your side of the street clean and surrender to Divine Will. You post a lot, you seem educated and self-aware and clever and down-to-earth. The only reason I'm posting, which I rarely do, is because it's your question. Your likability and charisma have shined through the black and white bro. I know times are tough, but I don't even know you, and I trust that you are equipped to handle this. Sometimes we don't need to push ourselves harder, sometimes we need to learn to be fucking proud of ourselves. You are GOD. Have faith. Love yourself because no one else can do it for you. Trust yourself because you don't have any other fucking options. Put a pause on thinking "what will happen if I do" and start thinking "what will happen if I don't". Doubt is created by the questions we ask, sometimes what we need is to start asking better questions - more empowering questions. How to not get lost in visual phenomena - as soon as it pops up you remind yourself that the visuals are simply an amplification of what you're always doing. You see that the visuals are just the Trickster revealing itself in a more noticeable way "Look over here! Look over there! Isn't that pretty?! Isn't this scary?! Isn't that interesting?! Isn't this profound?!" that's what the mind is always doing, it's always hallucinating, and it's almost always just a distraction. So you deal with visuals the same way you deal with thought hallucinations while you're meditating - you don't judge them, you don't pay them any attention, you keep your focus on the object of meditation. Tips on intent - your intent is to surrender your intent, so that you can find Your intent. You shut up and pay attention. If you're quiet enough - you'll know what to do. You always know what to do. Sometimes you're just talking so loud that you can't hear Yourself. Only speak from what is deeply true within you. Only act from what is deeply true within you. In this way we operate from a place of authenticity and alignment with ourselves. To exist in an authentic and self-aligned state is to be free of neurosis. Take half of one tab. Not because you're scared or concerned about taking more, just because there's no need for it. Learn how to own your energy in a smaller dose and work your way up. Some tips: There is nothing to do. There is nowhere to go. Everything is in the eye of the beholder. The only thing that can hurt you is yourself. You experience what you focus on - focus on good shit. Embrace confusion and not knowing. Expect your desired outcome. What do you want? Resistance has no power of its own, it derives all of its power from our fear of it. Maintain bilateral symmetry in your body. Keep these in mind when you trip, some of them can become very literal. Look into Martin Ball, regardless of what you think of him or his philosophy, he's an OG on how to take psychedelics. If you need someone unbiased to talk to you can always text/call me, you have my number.
  5. Thanks for the update Leo, now I can finally stop holding my breath lol, happy for you.
  6. @Leo Gura It might be a cool idea to make a FB group for the people attending in each city. I know most of us either try to stay away from social media or have renounced it entirely, but as you said, one of the big opportunities here is to connect with like-minded people in our area, and I definitely want to capitalize on that. PS @kieranperez I never truly believed Leo had legs until I saw this lol
  7. @Sahil Pandit Gotchu. Honestly if you want, I've got a bunch of other stuff I don't post because it's not as well organized and linear, you can PM me your email and I can just share em with you on Google Drive (docx) Avoiding Dysfunction Relationships_ Red Flags.docx (docx) Derrida, Deconstruction, Post-Modernism & Nonduality.docx (docx) How to Become Enlightened - Step by Step.docx (docx) Leo's Nootrpoics.docx (docx) Mindfulness Meditation.docx (docx) Shamanic Breathing Technique.docx (docx) What Women Want in a Man.docx (dox) 65 Core Principles of Living the Good Life.docx (docx.)The Grand Model of Psychological Evolution.docx (docx) 10 Important Things You Don't Know You Want.docx
  8. Yes @Leo Gura ! My 3 closest friends, my girlfriend, and I will all for sure come to your LA talk, we've all known about you for years and talk about you. So that's 5 for LA. If you have an LA workshop, I'll pay for my girlfriend and myself to attend in LA. 2 for LA workshop. I'm not sure about my friends, we're kind of broke college kids lol. I'll be at the SF talk as well and do the SF workshop too. I'll try to get my little sister to come to the SF talk too, she goes to school in NorCal, I try to get her into your videos and I send her books, but ya know she's young and doesn't quite see the value just yet. Thank you so much for doing this!
  9. 65 Core Principles of Living the Good Life notes 65 Core Principles of Living the Good Life.pdf
  10. @Serotoninluv is there a specific retreat(s) you would recommend?
  11. @Sahil Pandit I live in Riverside, California. Yeah I bet there are! I'm excited to meet them
  12. I would like to meet an enlightened person face to face. I imagine that being in the presence of someone enlightened would be a profound and powerful experience. I don't know how to go about this. I don't know where to find such a person. Also, I can imagine that someone who is enlightened may not want to be bothered by spiritual seekers. If I were to meet such a person, I wouldn't want to harass them with endless questioning, I'd be tremendously grateful to make myself useful in some way (cleaning the house, chores, waxing their car like the karate kid, whatever I can offer lol) just to be in the presence of someone who has radically elevated his/her consciousness. Now I live in southern California and it probably wouldn't be financially prudent for me to leave the country as of now, but if anyone has any advice on how or where I can meet someone I would greatly appreciate it. I didn't know where to start looking, so I thought I would start here.