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Everything posted by mandyjw

  1. You have to try to cultivate the joy, the spark, the challenge and the flow state of doing something new. One thing that helped me was Seth Godin's thing about how you must have ideas and projects that fail or you have already failed. I noticed that the more success I achieved the less I felt like wasting my time or trying things that would fail because I had plenty of areas where I knew I could get a return if I put in effort. Changing my mindset that a failed project or idea was a good thing really helped, but it's easy to forget. You also have to take into account the survival of your business. If you don't invest in maintenance you could lose your avenue to create at all. Getting caught in a cycle of reactions will kill your business and it isn't fun to be in reactive mode. Simply put, find ways to have more fun. I also noticed the importance of taking breaks from creative work, you want to have big blocks of time because otherwise you won't get in the flow state to begin with, but as soon as it when it stops being fun notice it. When that happens I go outside for a run or clear my head in some way. Just avoid distractions, when you think you are "clearing your head" and end up on a social media site, I fall into that trap a lot.
  2. Her teaching style may seem too entertaining to be deep but she has some of the clearest teachings out there. She uses unique language and has a great framework to better understand nonduality and how to go deeper with it, and especially understanding using love and desire as a force that you go with to dissolve self, not against. I'm going to add any videos I come across that particularly strike me here, and would appreciate if others do the same. All of it is amazing though.
  3. It was satisfying, but the making of this video and watching it come together was a trip. I realize that I am pretty stuck in the duality of how I see and how others see me. The exercise of talking to imagined others while looking at my face and watching it back is a trip. The experience of making a video feels like this almost every time. I so deeply relate to and love the Grinch. It's fun though, seeing myself from a perspective outside myself and imagining how others might see me, and I feel less than whole if I don't find ways to get that experience. Feeling like an idiot and not loving the idiot is the flip side. Often we try to help others from the place of, "Oh, I really feel bad for your pathetic situation, here's a solution." How do we think of the Grinch in our minds. Do we think of the Grinch at the start of the story or the end? or do we think of him as a sort of amalgam? The Who's are already self-actualized, yet they are intolerable as characters with the contrast of the Grinch.
  4. After reading AleksM's thread a second time through, I want to try the practice he suggested. This is the form he gave, I may let the form evolve with time as I go, I'm not sure. "1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ____ (describe your harmful selfish way of thinking, acting, emoting) 2. When I notice and become aware of ___(describe the things you mentioned earlier), I stop and breath. 3. I am conscious that ___ (1. describe the harmful consequences of your pattern and why it's not supportive for all life. 2. Describe why and how the changed action is better for all) 4. This is why from now on, I am committed to (describe a practical healthy mind pattern new pattern that is best for all life with which you're substituting the old, unnecessary, selfish and harmful pattern)" 1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quickly react in a way to shame my husband for being forgetful. 2. When I notice and become aware of myself immediately being overcome with feelings of regret, fear and shortcoming, I stop and breathe. 3. I am conscious that shaming other people for being forgetful is only an expression of how hard I am on myself and comes from a fearful contracted place. By forgiving myself and others for shortcomings I'll be able to experience life more fully, expansively and share in that with others. 4. This is why from now on, I am committed to forgiving myself and others for what I perceive as shortcomings and letting go of my perfectionism and need to control. I am committed to embracing the present reality of the situation without the mind filter of an ideal "I" am trying to force it to mold to.
  5. All your favorite childhood stories and dreams are real. You can be or do anything you want. You are never alone, angels, God, spirit guides, source, whatever you want to call it or form you imagine is takes is always there. You can tap into all the happy memories or future bliss anyone ever had or will have, now. Source/God/Oneness has infinitely different flavors and resonances as it comes through to us, it's not just like having one boring flavor of ice cream all the time. You imagine your reality so you have the power to guide and hold your focus toward the most beautiful visions and feelings you have, and in doing so guide the manifestations of reality towards that. A chipmunk in the woods eating a pine cone is as important an event as a meeting of the world's most powerful leaders. What do you have to add?
  6. I didn't understand or appreciate the importance of theory for a long time. I didn't understand that by listening to teachers who talked about the importance of experience (like Eckhart Tolle) that I was learning theory. And for a long time I thought Leo was completely stuck on theory yet I continued to listen and learn. I started noticing old people around me, and I noticed that some had turned into absolutely miserable people and others like my grandmother embodied the complete acceptance and presence I was looking for, but they knew nothing about enlightenment whatsoever. It was obvious that presence was something that could be cultivated and at the same time just happen. I was happy with that. But intelligence is seductive and "happy" was a facade. I experienced the "download" that people sometimes talk about and the term infinite intelligence and open mindedness got entirely new depths of meaning.
  7. @Mikael89 Sure I have a sense of self and experience negative emotions. I agree with what she says in the video. I never said anything to argue against anything like that in this thread, I only pointed out some realizations I've had that are wonderful. If you want, you can focus on things that make you feel amazing. That's all I'm doing. Sometimes I don't feel like doing the things that make me feel amazing, like going out for a run when the temperature is below freezing, but I've learned what my mind says feels good and what actually in my experience feels good can be very different. I can be the witness of how I feel, and in the witnessing I change my feelings. That's what emotional mastery is, I suspect anyway. I wouldn't want to feel bliss all the time, because it would no longer be bliss. I enjoy the drama. I'm not liberated, so to be honest sometimes I do NOT enjoy the drama. But what I have realized is that I have incredible power to create, and what I choose to focus on is one with what I create.
  8. Actual mystical experience, experienced by a you or by a me, becomes a story that you can either believe or not believe just like in the first example. But yes, I have weird stories that actually happened to me that I sometimes remember or talk about. @peanutspathtotruth There's no me for you to be happy for, so we can just be happy, see how easy that was? @Nak Khid Oooo... that's one of my favorites. Oneness is an equal access opportunity, just not in appearances. @Surfingthewave Yes definitely, that's been my experience as well. I was the asshole kid that told all the other kids that Santa Claus was not real.
  9. And on the seventh day God rested, and thought to herself "What have have I done? I'm not going to sleep for the next 18 billion years. "
  10. Well see, I already decided it would be more fun if you seem to have your own free will too.
  11. I guess we just need to get @Mikael89 and some others a little bit oneness drunk.
  12. Yes Mikael, I forgot FREE WILL! Thank you! You are so free that you can deny all the wonderful implications of oneness, so free that you can choose bondage. I am magic every minute of the day, and so are you.
  13. Symbolism is powerful, always pointing to something deeper, but it's popular to disregard it as silly, or simply a marketing technique. Why do we assign the meaning to colors that we do? Is it possible they have meanings and invoke reactions deeper than we are aware of on the surface? This is one of my favorite quotes from Moby Dick. "But not yet have we solved the incantation of this whiteness, and learned why it appeals with such power to the soul; and more strange and far more portentous – why, as we have seen, it is at once the most meaning symbol of spiritual things, nay, the very veil of the Christian’s Deity; and yet should be as it is, the intensifying agent in things the most appalling to mankind. Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way? Or is it, that as in essence whiteness is not so much a colour as the visible absence of colour; and at the same time the concrete of all colours; is it for these reasons that there is such a dumb blankness, full of meaning, in a wide landscape of snows – a colourless, all-colour of atheism from which we shrink? (42.25-26)"
  14. The most horrifying thing that I've experienced as a mother is that unconscious love for your children is such a violent back and forth that it causes a lot of suffering. Unconscious love means that you are terrified that something will happen to your baby, and you spent more of your time imagining all kinds of awful things happening rather than in appreciation of this new life. Our culture plays into this, and sells new moms all kinds of products to prevent SIDS, etc, that actually only serve to increase anxiety. You realize that you are now handicapped in taking care of yourself, yet you must take care of yourself for the survival of your infant. Postpartum depression is an interesting manifestation, and so poorly understood.
  15. I'm continually having dreams about being frustrated. I try to do something I've intended and taken steps to put into action and my plans last minute get ruined by other people. The strange thing is that the things I'm trying to do in my dreams aren't even things I really want. Or do I?
  16. @Leo Gura You know the red queen effect with survival? That the more survival plays out the more other things catch up to it? What is the relationship to survival and love? For example from a woman's/mother's point of view, how much of her love for her partner and children is survival and how much of it transcends that. Does she logically have to know there's a difference to transcend it? Or does love transcend it in itself. Is love itself the structure? Can love not also be the content?
  17. Very cool. "Well, in our country," said Alice, still panting a little, "you'd generally get to somewhere else—if you run very fast for a long time, as we've been doing." "A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"
  18. It's more about how you contemplate and "see" the event, rather than the action you take. For example if someone crosses a line and is using you, you take appropriate action to protect yourself and prevent it from happening again. But instead of blaming them for the event and being reactive you contemplate how you might have attracted the event and how the event may have served to show you something about yourself. It's less about the action you take and what happens and more about being present enough to witness how you feel about it, and how you can take responsibility for it. Blaming and going into stories of self and other is our avoidance of witnessing how we really feel and misses the opportunity to see how we are creating or attracting all the interactions we have. We can however remove ourselves from situations or speak up for ourselves just because it's the appropriate action to take, and we can do it without blaming or suffering ourselves.
  19. I realized that it requires infinite intelligence to be as dumb as a rock. Makes me feel better about my SAT scores.
  20. First of all you are going through a major transition and most people your age have depression and weight gain when they move out for the first time. You've heard of the freshman 15 right? Its actually a really big life change so give yourself a break and focus on the things that are going right, so matter how small. I second the exercise suggestion a short run or walk daily will improve so many of those areas at once. Good luck!
  21. I've had this happen too. I focused on the background sound (or silence) while mediating or meditated while running for a while and then eventually was able to focus on my breath without hyperventilating. You can also do Wim Hof breathing, or shamanic breathing while laying down, where hyperventilating is the objective.
  22. There's a tendency to want to lock into a way of acting, having no drive to want meaningful relationships is something that can only be in the moment, we can never become someone who has no desires. Wanting itself is not from the ego, the idea of the one who wants or does not want is the ego. Wanting arises or does not.
  23. Sorry about your dad, hoping for the best possible outcome. I think we master our emotions in waves. We make huge progress and think we've got it and then emotion bubbles up and we realize we had been repressing, or had been unconscious of subtle emotions as they built up. We may have identified with being someone who was a master of their emotions and that required us to be a little bit dishonest with ourselves. We think we've failed but then find that we have peeled back another layer of the onion and have to learn to master our emotions all over again, this time allowing us to feel them in a deeper way. Emotional mastery is not an achievement one can own or lock in. Ultimately there's no you to master the emotions, there is awareness of sensations and endless ways to cut ourselves off from feeling them through thought. In other words, allow what is in the moment, no matter what emotions or sensations come up. We shouldn't feel like a psychopath when we are nonreactive and we shouldn't feel like we have failed when emotions are strongly felt.
  24. The image in my avatar appeared to me last night before I went to sleep.
  25. Oh those are fun. These correspond to enlightenment and the spiritual path quite well. Creepy just gets your attention. 1. Brings to light your conflicting emotions of being uncomfortable but also having desire for love to be freely given and out in the open. Consider how you embody love in your everyday life. 2. Triangles are a symbol for ascension, intestines more obviously represent your gut, where deep intuition and intelligence lies. By giving attention to sensations there, taking deep belly breaths during mediation and checking in whenever possible throughout the day, emotions are witnessed rather than repressed, and what ascends from that is that we receive guidance and clarity.