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About SilentTears

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    Riverside, CA
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  1. Holy! This just happened to me. Except I never took any substances. It felt like something directly was projected into my head. At the time I was so curtain it was someone or something else guiding me, but after a few hours I’m doubting if my mind was just playing tricks on itself T-T this is all new and hasn’t happened before today.
  2. Something interesting has just happened to me. I don’t know what to say. I’ve just experienced and I still am experiencing heat in my chess that moved to my arms and made them shake a little. Like when you are very livid and you are shaking from the adrenaline rush. Except I’m not angery. I feel very “here”. I researched everything that was happening and apparently my heart chakra is opening. What they say relates to what I experienced and am still experiencing. Earlier something spoke to me. It wasn’t my voice. And I don’t get voices in my head but someone or something spoke to me. A few hours ago. Could have been my mind but it didn’t feel like my voice and it felt like something was speaking into my head. It wasn’t like I was thinking about it. Ugh. Sounds weird I took a nap and when I awoke I felt a shift in consciousness. I later touched my phone and felt my awareness slowly go down, but overall I’ve had an increase in my baseline of consciousness. My heart chest area is still feeling heat.... I want to write more but I’ve been called by my family to eat. I’ll finish when I get back. Back, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt intense heat in my chest. It usually feels very uncomfortable and I wanna take off my shirt to cool down. It usually slowly fades away after a bit of time but this time it went and spread through my upper body but didn’t go passed my neck. I think that is all that needs to be said.
  3. I got into a non-aggressive argument(I’m sure argument isn’t the right word) with my best friend. We just had different ways of thinking. My old notes say that arguments and fights are just my mind trying to protect itself.. which is me. have this on replay^^ I am not upset in the slightest just oddly peaceful. I think the way I handled the situation got him upset. I was too layed back. Wasn’t seeing the importance so I had a lack of caring. Du du du... once you see the unimportance and are kinda blissed out it’s easy to trigger others unintentionally. I don’t wanna say unimportance because I could see the importance from his perspective. Just have a lack of words currently. Cigarette daydream
  4. I just got into a state of pure pleasure. It was pure pleasure. Words cannot discribe. Hahaha I was saying it’s all perfect. I know I never meant perfect that way before. When something is perfect it’s perfect. I can’t describe the pleasure I felt. I started crying, then my mom walked in. Hahaha I tried to pretend I wasn’t crying but when I wiped my tears I knew she knew. Omg I love these experiences. I honestly get into these states very easily. I used to get into these blissful and other types of states often and have these great insights about myself and how I function (ex: the power of my thoughts. Beliefs. I spent a good time understanding beliefs and the beliefs I held unconsciously) This one didn’t give me any great insights or any special understandings about reality or anything like that but it did help me. It gave me the motivation to once again be dedicated to this path. Man, imagine your greatest pleasure then times it by 10. Lol some of you guys have probably have much greater pleasure and have had greater experiences then I have, and I’m so happy for you all! I am so content with everything. I wrote a lot of personal stuff on my personal journal while it was going on. I’m remembering a lot about the different types of states I have been in. Some of them pure bliss other a sense of contentment and fillfillment. So, there was a time when I used to fill pure love for everything around me and even inanimate objects. I believe Jesus called it “Agape.” Anyway, I was trying to say that at that time I couldn’t deal with this and my regular life. I stoped meditation and other spiritual practices for a time and lost my awareness that I built up. I’m starting up again and I hope to finish it this time. Even when things get rough and I feel all extreams of different emotions I’ll work through it. <—- a promise to myself. (Oh poor me, T-T I know it will get tough later down the road) I guess I want to add one thing. If any of you have any advice for what to do when I’m in these states to make the most out of them then all advice is welcome. I usually just become super mindful of everything and get insights that way, but I was thinking if there was something I could do to get better understandings. Just curious. Also, this was a little long, heh. If you read all that then you are loved
  5. Responses are always welcome. Thanks for asking. Also, I apologize for the late response I was busy this weekend so didn’t really come on the forum. Oh? That’s really interesting. I’m not really an expert on the subject but it intrigues me deeply. One question. What makes you think That your cat is inhabited by someone on the “other side” sometimes?
  6. I have debated about starting a journal on the forum for a while now and I’ve suddenly got the inspiration to do so. I would have planed to talk about my spiritual practices or maybe my insights first, but I don’t feel like sharing that at all. I feel compelled to share a topic my mother has just spoken to me about. Cat people. Well, she didn’t call them cat people. I’ll explain. Earlier my mom called my name and I came out of my room and there was this very pretty white cat standing in our back and looking into our house. She then told me after it left that people could tansform into cats. Don’t judge and no she is not crazy. I think lol. She is usually collected and would never speak about such things. Today she told me that her grandma could trandsform into a cat. Sounds pretty far out there Ik. I mean I don’t fully believe it nor do I plan to blindly follow what she says, but I’m also not gunna dismiss it because I have had to many experiences in this life that point to things that are... let’s say out of the ordinary. Lol this is one hell of a way to start off a journal. She told me more, but it would be to long to explain our conversation. I just thought it was interesting because right after I was seeing a lot “cat” things. Haha the universe loves to show me what’s relevant in my life. Ba da da da da I’ll share be sharing my insights and practices here. Also, I like the name “cat people” so I’ll be keeping it as my journal name
  7. @mandyjw The grail path came in the mail today! I’m excited to read and I would love to tell you what I think about it if you are interested. When you explained the book it really stuck out to me so I thought I would give it a shot Also, I apologize if you find it inappropriate of me commenting on your journal. >.>
  8. Riverside, CA, USA
  9. Thanks, @mandyjw. Also, I really enjoyed your response to Gili Trawangan. It helped me as well
  10. Thank you thank you *bows* also, I agree with me being fortunate in finding these resources to help me on my path. I’m very grateful that I’ve found everything that I have. Thank you for telling me this! Seriously, it helped shift my whole perspective on unconscious people. I always thought that they were just holding me back in a sense. I’ll try to be more open to the possibility of them helping me grow on my path. I like the mindset of “everyone is in your life to help you grow” more then just purging someone from my life when I see no conscious behavior coming from them. Heh, I always wanted an awakening. I guess I had this huge misconception that it would be all rainbows and unicorns. Lol. How do you suppose I integrate it? Just continue doing my spiritual work and contemplate it? Hey, I really like this saying. Nope, I killed my habit and now I’m starting up again with 20 minutes. It’s been kinda on and off this past month, but I’m gunna start trying to do it everyday again. Omg, this is a perfect description of what had happened to me! Thanks, I enjoy taking walks and going to this forestry area as it does help calm me. When I was going through that awakening doing this helped me the most. 10/10 would recommend for everyone. After getting into spirituality I did a huge change in my diet. I really cut out all junk food and tend to only eat healthy. This past month was kinda so so as I ate fast food and drank juice a few times but that’s really it. Thanks, and your guidance is appreciated.
  11. Age: 16 gender: male I found Leo’s videos through a friend. I got interested in spiral dynamics and saw more and more videos of his. Later saw his video on enlightenment and everything just unfolded from there. My biggest pain points in life are not being able to communicate with others about these things (example: nonduality, enlightenment, awareness, astral projection..etc...etc). <—-- I’ve mostly gotten over the need to communicate these things with others. Just sometimes I’ll see people being miserable and I have to stop myself from saying something to try and help them as I don’t have a way to communicate with them in a way in which they understand. Another thing is having emotional upheavals through doing spiritual work. Sometimes I’ll get an ego backlash or start to backslide and fall back into addictions such as porn, or talking bullshit with friends. In addition to all these I have my fair share of unconscious behavior which I try not to judge. My biggest strengths in spirituality are probably curiosity as well and starting out young to where I can learn many things without having to work through beliefs that hold me back. The feelings that don’t feel good that I experienced recently and quite frequently are extreme degrees of Loneliness. Loneliness has only recently come into my awareness, because I purged “toxic” people in my life. Not Necessarily toxic people, but just average people who go through life not doing any work on themselves or learning any of the things that interest me. I’ve mostly gotten through this to where I don’t feel lonely anymore, but I’ve just masked over it. I stuffed it in my closet . Yeah, I truly didn’t get through it. Just ran away. I tried multiple times just sitting down and facing it head on, but as you can see I ended up distracting myself with other things in life that wanted my attention. Another feeling that doesn’t feel good is misery! About two months ago I experienced extreme misery... words cannot describe this feeling. I don’t even know why I had this feeling. I tried to inquire but to no avail. It happened for about two weeks. Everyday I would experience the greatest love and joy from doing nothing. Everything was just so amazing and beautiful. But whenever this feeling faded I would get hit with misery. It went back in forth between love, joy, happiness, appreciation, fulfillment and misery. The misery was just agonizing. I remember curling up and just laying down for hours feeling miserable. It wasn’t sadness or loneliness or any emotion I’ve experienced to this date. The only word that fits to describe it is misery. Well, at this time I think that’s when I would meditate for hours a day and just sit down and do nothing most of the day. I wrote about the misery so I would remember and wouldn’t ever forget that. I wrote that I felt very groundless in this reality and that many things stoped Making sense. I found my notes right now and I discribed it as suffering. That fits perfectly. I was deeply suffering. Anyway, it all stoped when I quit doing my meditation and stoped sitting down for hours on end doing nothing. I got busy irl so it kinda just flowed. I wish I kept at doing my meditation but at the time It just didn’t work that way. I currently am just starting back up my meditation habit that I broke. I occasionally do self inquiry, shamanic breathing, walking meditation( from the book “the mind illuminated”) and just thoughout my day remind myself to be mindful and be present of the “now”. Currently I’m working towards an awakening, but I also have a lot of things I know I gotta work through. My greatest vision for myself is to be at peace, happiness and loving whenever it’s possible and even when I’m experiencing different emotions that may apear.... oh, you said “or” I’ll leave this as it is as I have already written it lol P.S. I watch your YouTube channel and I love it very much
  12. I would also enjoy this very much! I do think this will be a great learning experience so, thank you.
  13. This was a very interesting collection of videos... thanks for sharing. Leaves me with a few things to think about... not about the war, but more about why I would rather have love and commission be given to mr.alien. Makes me wonder how deep and meaningful of conversations we could have had if an enlightened master spoke to mr.alien. *cough* not that the alien is a “he”
  14. Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed the video :3
  15. Wow! Thanks for sharing. Seriously, this is some great stuff. I have been working on my own personal "happiness guide" where I include all that limits my happiness and what improves my mood/attitude towards life. I just want to say that this really helps me get a new view towards my whole approach and this will be very helpful. Hahahaha when I first read this it gave me a few laughs myself. Keep it up!