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About SilentTears

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  • Birthday 06/14/2003

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    Riverside, CA
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  1. I get why poems are a thing, to point at something that was unseeable. A blank canvas = infinite possibilities. All actions are it, yet the opposite of that which you seek. Stillness like a calm lake. A busy river. The sky blowing leafs. Mother Earth, Father sky Love and light. Have and want. It's a trap to even be talking. You failed the second you thought. Spoke, or became. Yet, you are beautiful. Love me for I am you, we are the devil
  2. Journal, meditation: yes mood: peaceful spiritual notes: 1) just feel. Stop thinking please, all words and thoughts are not it.
  3. Stop thinking and just feel
  4. I wanna join in this love! @Nahmhonestly, just watching the replies you moderators give, each and everyone of you guys has helped immensely on this path. There have been countless times I have been guided by your words of wisdom. I really do appreciate the work you do here, and thank you.
  5. Hahah sounds like the life. Lol also I saw Leo’s post before I went to bed too. It’s funny since I was just thinking “I need to start my life purpose” after reading another post about life purpose. Have a good day zero!
  6. Music is love journal meditation : yes mood : double yes, maybe a triple haha my thoughts: 1) intention is so powerful. Masinfesting is amazing. I'm seeing how I manifested everything. Sometimes I'll unconsciously shoot out something great and I'll get it at the perfect time. Okay everthing comes st the perfect time. 2) I can so indeprh with music. Like I can zoom into it with awareness and fall into it. If that makes sense. It's like falling down a whole expect I have complete illusionary control. It's the same with visualization. When I was a kiddo back in the days I would day dream 24/7 during all my classes from elementary to highscool. I still have the abitly to quickly zoom into these structures I could build. Reality would quickly fade, even with my eyes open I wouldn't be completely aware of "this" I was aware of another reality. I was somewhere else. I could and can visualize to such an extent that I will start to feel my visualizations. Like if I take a first person perspective and do something I will be able to feel it. Physically and emotionally. 3,4,5... infinity) love yourself! Love life! Cause... why not? Hahah
  7. @zeroISinfinity Asian pop stars... the first thing that came to me was babymetal, you know them? Even though they aren’t pop... as their name suggests...
  8. 7:14 seconds in and I'm loving it! Such a funny guy 7's and 14's have a special meaning to me and I actually followed my intuition here. Felt like going on actualized . Org then felt like going on journals to find this
  9. Haha holy shit, i guess I just purged so much shit by writing that journal. Holy shit. No one knows how much that was influencing my life. Like now I would have changed the way I speak to fit others or what I believe to be what others like to get the response of validation I unconsciously sought. I listen to so much Japanese music. Growing up I listened to a lot of rock then when I hit high school my friend got me into metal. I like it, but I only ever truly listened to it when I was with him. I’m more into peaceful music like John Lennon- imagine (such a fucken great song)
  10. This song just feels good right now. I’m kinda sad. I wanna cry. I don’t know why I’m emotional. I feel empty. That’s fine. My energy changes all the time. Sometimes I love so much I could die. Other times I just feel really good. Maybe someday I will know the answer to all my questions. What am I? I say I know. But who knows. I know nothing. i feel hurt. By my parents. Why am I sensitive? Lol, idk. I usually just brush off everything as I’m in a good mood and I don’t care enough to get out of my good mood. But now I’m hurt. My chest hurts. My heart hurts. It’s caved in on itself energetically. Yesterday I was playing with my heart. Opening and closing and now I just feel like it’s broken. Hahah don’t you just love emotions? Growing up I was told constantly to stop being a bitch and be a man. If I was sensitive my parents would tell me not to act like that. Even now. I kinda just shut off the more feminine side of myself. I love all aspects of myself. Just it hurts. I was rejected for being myself and now when I ever embody feminity I feel so disgusted. Lol so maybe I got to learn how to love myself. just speaking this through text has helped. I noticed that when I opened up, my head started to heat up. I started to remember some memories of my ex best friend. He helped me a lot on this path but I couldn’t stand his feminine side so I left. It would trigger me. I couldn’t listen. I wouldn’t listen. I hated that energy. Whenever I see someone that reminds me of myself I hate them. And I never hate. I never ever hate. Throughout my whole life I loved everyone. Even if they did me wrong 100x over I would forgive them and I couldn’t hate. Trust me, I tried hating growing up but couldn’t. I would forgive so fast and everything would be fine. Not when I see myself in others. Which is odd, as I always thought I loved myself. I get so defensive. I seek attention. I always love when others praise me and that’s all I ever have gotten all my life. By literally Everyone I ever meet “your so intelligent” “your handsome” “blah blah” just validation from others. And when I see others get some I’m happy. I love giving validation to others as I know how good it feels. It’s just, why do I hate it when someone that shares an aspect with me gets the same. Deep down I’m so happy for them and idc. Just I feel left out. Hahaha this has to be the deepest I’ve gone on this journal so far. Omg, I just had an insight onto why I am always seeking feminine love. My mother... wtf. I didn’t feel I got enough love for being myself so I started seeking it from other sources like girls. That’s why I act the way I do. That’s why I had that dream. (I had a dream where this girl told me that just by letting go of trying to be “cool” for others, okay girls, I would be more attractive then I ever have been.) so much unconscious baggage came up from writing this journal.
  11. I'm noticing how my auto reaction is to shut negative thoughts out. For the past few days I've been having negative thoughts come in my experience and when I resist them it makes them worse. It's like fear, which I'm not used to. I am learning how to accept them and allow them as they do not have power. I just get scared that I may be manifesting something unwanted. I'm even scared to write this as I think "what if I manifest something I don't want". Who cares? If anything comes it comes. I should learn to enjoy everything and be content. Honestly, just writing this helped so much with my thoughts. I felt a release of resistance and I feel so good. I was so scared that I held it all in which made me suffer for no reason! im just spilling my inner thoughts *bleh* how disgusting. I notice how I never say anything negative after learning about the law of attraction. Honestly, being open and speaking my mind helps me feel much better then trying to make everything perfect. Stupid
  12. Oh, and thank you for explaining
  13. Lmao hahaha I can't stop laughing. For the past few weeks I've been having vivid dreams. Kinda embarrassing, but these days I've been having wet dreams. I think having vivid dreams has to do something with my sexual energy, because for most of my life I almost never had dreams. Now I will wake up remembering how things felt and the emotions I experienced. I hope that's a compliment
  14. LMAO, that made me laugh too much! oh yeah, no one liked my questioning growing up. I was told not to do that in public all the time. No one ever gave me satisfying answers growing up either. Just a bunch of theory and speculation on their part. There was a time that I stoped questioning for about a year I think. Then I ended up falling into self actualization and started doing serious self inquiry
  15. This is quite funny. I would do the same, but I would get lost in the bliss feelings that would arise from self inquiry. I would do this at the market with my father all the time and I used to see him getting embarrassed at people’s reaction to me questioning the universe and all there is. I still get distracted by the pleasure of asking such questions instead of really 100% focusing on them.