Tearos

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Posts posted by Tearos

  1. Posted

    @Knowledge Hoarder

    17 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

    Well, I mean, for starters, sexual variety? Idk, even that one benefit is enough for me tbh. But I guess there are some mental benefits as well - you're likely to be less judgemental, less fearfull/shy, etc.

    I think I agree with sexual variety as a benefit, although I'm not entirely sure if this is my opinion yet. I suspect I might be ignorant of the potential consequences of attainment of sexual variety. In regards to becoming less judgemental and fearful or shy, I think this can be a benefit, especially to those who are overly judgemental and fearful/shy. But these individuals I suspect are aware of the possible "dangers" of this lifestyle, so the choice wouldn't necessarily be naive. For people who mindlessly choose this lifestyle and are ignorant of the potential consequences, I suspect are living naively - which I believe not to be good. I think it's a good idea to have standards of who you choose to engage with sexually. In a casual relationship, the selectivity process isn't really based on high standards in many cases. It's more like "I'm gonna sleep with any girl who is gonna be willing to sleep with me"
    I would also add another benefit, that people (at least men) can really experience higher levels of confidence through this lifestyle. I wouldn't argue that it's nothing to be recognized as an attractive mate to women. Sexual experience is probably also another benefit. 

     

    28 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

    Hook up culture is slowly, but surely comming here - and it's here to stay.

    For this point, I'm not entirely convinced that a liberal approach to sex is ideal. This is the reason I ask these questions. We have been through the "moralizing and conservative" phase, and have drawn the knowledge out of what is not acceptable in this approach. Now that we are going through this liberal approach, I'm trying to figure out if this is really a good idea or not. If it's not, I'm not sure it should stay anywhere in a strict sense. We have to draw the wisdom from the phase though.

     

    32 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

    You have to have proper expectations while attempting to do anything in this world. Again, this is just people's imaturity, in my opinion.

    Yeah, I agree with this. This is why this discussion is pretty relevant today. Here's a thought: What if we are not able to deal with the responsibilities of sex? I think it's interesting that limiting sex has now moved across the political spectrum, as the right wanted sex to be more restrictive and arguing through religion, for instance. Now the left is also trying to limit sex, by trying to demand consent before engaging in sexual activities as a law. 

  2. Posted

    @Knowledge Hoarder

    14 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

    Overall, benefits heavilly outnumber the risks - it's just that most people are too paranoid and only focus on the risks. And they are masivelly brainwashed by society, claiming that "casual sex is a big no no" and "if you have too much sex, you won't be able to have stable and happy relationships in the future". Which is all, of course, a bunch of horseshit.

    Interesting. What kind of benefits are you referring to here?

    Also, I can't relate to the whole "society claiming that casual sex is a big no-no" statement you made. At least for where I live and have spent my whole life (Norway), casual hookups are very much standard practice. It's also expected by the culture here that you should approach sex as nothing more than bodily pleasure. At least for guys, and perhaps for girls as well. In my experience, it's expected that you use Tinder and should work to have many casual sex encounters in order to achieve social status. Romance is pretty much dead, and in many cases, something people cringe about.

    I've also heard some convincing arguments that people end up cynical and bitter in the long run by treating themselves as a casual partner, which of course does affect any serious relationship. I'm gonna guess the logic behind this is that you train yourself to view yourself as a casual partner, and you have to train yourself to become a serious partner in the aftermath. Probably not impossible to have stable and happy relationships in the future after a casual sex lifestyle, but I'm guessing that it perhaps is gonna be at least a bigger challenge.

  6. Posted

    @Roy

    I think I relate to almost everything you wrote. I'm glad to hear someone else having these kinds of thoughts - it makes it less lonely for me.

    The only thing I think would disagree with is the overpopulation statement you made. There are a few convincing arguments suggesting that our biggest challenge in some years will be that population increase will cease, rather than overpopulation.

  7. Posted

    @somegirl

    7 minutes ago, somegirl said:

    But the thing is, I know about an example where I guy would have casual sex regularly with a girl with no strings attached, but treated her with care all along. And still, no relationship have come out of it. They kept it casual because both of them didn't want commitment, just sex. 

    I would disagree that there was no relationship going on. They may not have established the title "relationship" or even followed the rules within a relationship. But this is surely behavior that is bending the rules of what has traditionally been considered a relationship. It's the same as a relationship, just without any responsibility, and perhaps maturity about the reality of the situation. 

  8. Posted

    @Federico del pueblo

    5 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

    So reversely the girls who are totally cool with casual sex might get turned off by too much care because to them care signals willingness for commitment which they aren't looking for.

    Well, perhaps as some kind of weird psychological mechanism which I don't understand. But I've gathered that fatherlessness predicts teenage pregnancy. My take on this data is that these girls have a need for a masculine figure in their life, which oftentimes results in teenage pregnancy. 
     

    8 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

    I think you should simply see any woman, including the ones you're having sex with, as a grown up, self responsible person, that "should not" need you in order to be happy.

    I've pondered around this idea a lot, and it takes off the responsibility from myself. But agree that women are responsible for their own actions. On the happiness element of this argument, I would say I partially agree. This is because you obviously need women in order to fulfill your sexual need. If you go with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, your most fundamental needs must be met in order to fulfill further needs. All in all, the sex which you need a partner for, is an element of your happiness.
     

    12 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

    This doesn't mean you have to be careless altogether, you can still send a "hey, had a great evening with you, take care, we'll talk soon :)" or so.

    This again, I would argue is not really living up to the "causal" part of the idea of casual sex. Once you show some care, you're investing more care and emotion than what the idea of casual sex demands you.

  11. Posted

    @Federico del pueblo 
    That's an interesting view. I would say that I have in my past attempted to suppress care towards the other with a mindset, allowing me to see them merely as casual sex-"object". I don't know if this accounts for me personally, but this suppression has never really been executed perfectly on my part. I think I always sensed that I was deliberatively fooling myself into a mindset in order to be able to act on the orders of my body.

    I've been hypothesizing that this mindset might be the same mechanism soldiers learn in military school in order to kill. I guess this mindset allows them to perceive others as non-humans in some regard. It's easier to kill, I would suspect. Interestingly, many soldiers go through PTSD as a result of their trauma by their own evil actions in battle

  13. Posted

    What views do you guys have on casual sex? All opinions are welcome here - both grey and black-and-white views. Do you guys think the danger or harmlessness of casual sex is underestimated in today's western society?
    If you'd like, I would like you to also offer your perspective on the personal level and/or societal levels.

    Follow-up questions:
    If harmless - what do you think is the best strategy to achieve it?
    If dangerous - what do you think is the best alternative?

  16. Posted

    @susanyzm

    Thank you for your response and for sharing your perspective.

    I wouldn't say I've experienced relationships that haven't met my needs, rather the opposite. The relationships I've had have met my needs, needs that I have failed to meet on my own, which has resulted in lovesickness - the state in which I felt something was missing in my life when my partner was not around anymore. When they were gone for good, it left a giant empty space within me, something essential wasn't there anymore. I don't disagree about the benefits of relationships at all, nevertheless, I believe that it is not a healthy relationship if I am dependent on the other for my needs to be fulfilled.
    In my opinion, a healthy relationship should consist of two whole people, not two halves making a whole. It isn't a pleasure to need someone else, because you live in constant fear that you will lose them. I believe the secret to a good relationship is loving properly - which is not giving your love to another, rather sharing your love with another. If you give it away, you will lose it. When you share it, it's still within you. 

    Thank you for your advice about journaling and sharing thoughts and feeling with closed ones! :) I have recently decided to start the habit of journaling every day. So far, it really helps to clear up my thoughts.

  17. Posted

    @UDT

    Thanks for the response!

    It's more coming from the perspective that one can ideally meet their own needs without being dependent on others to fulfill them. For example, a monk living in celibate must somehow be able to fulfill his needs for intimacy in order to be happy, however, he won't be able to through other people due to his celibacy. He is still happy though.

    Additionally, I think the ideal relationship one can have with others shouldn't be based on being dependent on a partner fulfilling one's needs and making them whole. Rather I would think that already being whole, and the gifts of any relationship would become a bonus to one's life. Then there would be a lesser chance of any issues, such as neediness and codependency.

    Already having had my share of experiencing deep intimate relationships, though with dependency of others to be happy, I'm looking for ways to fulfill my needs on my own which will lead to richer and more healthy relationships in the future.

    Thank you for the advice of expanding my consciousness! :) I agree that it will help out in the long run, which is why I meditate, though I do find it hard to fulfill needs in everyday life. 

  18. Posted

    So lately I've been trying to figure out how one could be able to meet their own needs without being dependent on someone else to meet them (needs that conventionally requires other people in order to be met).

    For example, how do you meet your need for intimacy without being dependent on someone else to fulfill that particular need? In this case, already fulfilling this need on your own, any intimacy with another would be a bonus to your life. Questioning this, I am also taking into account of maintaining high self-esteem and dodging addictions. Here an example would be: How does one meet their sexual needs without being dependent on sleeping with others, and avoiding an addiction for masturbation (and porn)?

    Any insights and practical techniques out there?

    Thanks!

  21. Posted

    @tsuki

    I've been thinking about the posibilities of implementing contemplation into the school system. Would there be an opportunity to use the contemplation in this system which would lead the students to overall better well-being, do you think? I'm asking myself how that would work then, since it would be hard to know if the students are on the right track or not if there isn't a common truth to be found.

  22. Posted

    Hey guys,

    I've been wondering about this question about contemplation/reflection for quite some time now:

     

    Does contemplation/reflection in its nature lead to same conclusion as Truth?

    Example: If both my friend and I contemplate on the same topic, will we both naturally at some point go to the same conclusions which would be the Truth?

     

    I'm excited to see what your thoughts are on this!

    Thanks,

    Tearos/Fred

  24. Posted

    @Consept

    The reason I would think it is an Ego backlash is because the Ego contructed the idea (what it thinks it should be) that we belong together in a sense. Therefore, once the rejection was verified, the realization of truth created the reactional backlash. Additionally, my Ego probably holds the dogmas such as that there must be meanings like worth in me etc; therefore it creates even more stories in my head once the rejection from the girl shows otherwise. In other words, because of her rejection, my mind creates symbols about this situation, interpreting it into stories that tells me I am worthless rather than that I have worth. Help me out if I'm out of track ;)