Knowledge Hoarder

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  1. On some real shit though (and on a totally unrelated note): I WILL end up buying a hooker by the end of this year, if I won't manage to make anything happen. That's for sure. I honestly don't give a shit anymore. Unlike the rest of these muthafuckas, I have no foolish pride. If sleeping with a prostitute is what it takes for me to finally get over that edge - and over that shyness associated with being sexual - then that's what it's gonna be. I don't give a fucking bollocks. I will not remain a virgin this year. No chance. Not even a fucking zero. More like - negative one hundred. And honestly, once I start making some REAL money, I might eventually even move to fucking Netherlands for this very reason. Whenever I won't do good at game, or have a dry spell, I'll just visit a prostitute. Damn. Problem fucking solved. No more stupid worrying. Obviously, it's ALWAYS gonna be a back up option though. I don't like doing easy things. If I was only doing easy things, I would just follow the crowd, and do what everybody else is doing. I've already done harder shit than a big portion of the population, in my opinion. Obviously, meaning of "hard shit" is up to anybody's interpretation. Together with moving away from my parents, making a very decent income (the higher, the better, but I want at least 2000 a month - from job + side hustles/gigs) - these are my non negotiable goals for this year. Damn, I sure do like repeating myself, don't I?
  2. HEH! Checkmate.
  3. Nah. Do not feel like punching something, honestly. Gonna play some chess with my family instead. I know, aint I fun guy? Playing chess on fucking Friday night lmao. Well, it is what it is. Tomorow's a day too, and another opportunity to go out. I already got the events picked out. I might go on 2 in one day even.
  4. Only people with full stomachs are getting fed. People with empty stomachs are left alone to rot and die.
  5. Feeling apathetic and depressed right now. I need to do some physical activity to distract myself from suicidal, and destructive thoughts. Probably will pull out a heavy bag.
  6. I lack confidence and self worth. This is apparent to me by now. And most of things I'm doing, is to try to remedy this fact. The real, actual reason of why I want to move to a different city, away from my parents, is because my parents make me feel less confident, less of a man. I literaly feel like I'm less worthy because of their presence. I'm not moving because of "logistics" lol. Bullshit excuse. My self worth is just fucking zero, and so is my confidence, due to many factors - most of them having to do with being social. What am I to be confident about? Noone talks to me, noone cares about me, I'm stuck at home most of the time, my social skills are still terrible, I don't have any social circle (unless you count people I occasionally talk to), no girlfriend, no experience with having sex I live with my parents, I've got some bad habits I'm trying to get rid of still. I'm making money, but not that much. I'm trying to pursue my passion, but I'm making next to no progress. My clothing/style option are poor and basic. Overall, I have almost no positive reference experience. So, why exactly I SHOULDN'T feel anxiety when going to a club alone, why SHOULD I feel confident? This is just my mind protecting me I guess. Seriously, what's interesting about me? What the fuck do I have to talk about? I can whoop most people's ass though, and my looks are OK overall, in spite of not being that muscular (although I do have some muscles). So I guess I am confident about that. I even noticed, that while other people are walking circles around any potentialy dangerous group of people/men, I just walk straight throught them, cause I don't give a fuck. Because I KNOW - EMPIRICALLY, ACTUALLY, THROUGHT DIRECT PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE KNOW - that I can just throw couple of combinations, and it's sleepy time. Or, I can just grab them by the legs and throw them head down onto the concrete, breaking their necks and killing them. No problem. This is no "fake it till you make it". I KNOW I'm capable of this. Of course, I'm trying to change this my bad circumstances, but my mind is activelly working against me by reminding me of reasons why I shouldn't be confident, and why I'm destined to be stuck where I am. I don't believe self worth can be really built within. I mean, partially, it can, and has to. But to a big degree, we are all just slaves to positive feedback from others. When someone criticizes you, deep down you always feel bad, no matter how much of a bad motherfucker you think you are. When someone praises you/gives you love, you feel good. When you get enough of that love, you'll start feeling confident and abundant. Once everybody starts hating you, it's only a matter of time before you start to believe you're a piece shit, and you deserve nothing. It's gonna take years to build my self worth. And this lack of self worth is a major problem when doing pick up, and other extremely courageous social shit like that. But I have no choice. Tomorow I'm going out, day after that too. I was supposed to go today, but my mind us working against me as ussual. I need to call someone to go with me. Despite not really having ACTUAL friends, I do have people that would be interested to go out with me somewhere. I'm just shy to contact them - some of them even ignored me in the past, so IDK.
  7. I don't have any goals anymore (except the extremely important ones, like moving out of this fucking house, making a handsome regular income, etc.) - I just have daily activities I'm doing. Here's pretty much a summary of them: - meditation/spirituality - reading about philosophy/science/history/all the other intelectual stuff - work/career related stuff - working out/martial arts related stuff - reading fictional books/writing related stuff - reading/studying/watching self improvement stuff - Maintanance and basic responsibilities (like cooking, cleaning, you know, all the boring shit) - socializing related stuff (includes, but is not limited to pick up and all the other shit related to that) And yeah, this is basically what I'm doing on a daily basis. Or at least, I'm trying to. I'll just keep doing these, and results will come to me.
  8. Speaking of pick up, there are 2 forces - desires that are sort of wrestling inside my mind at all times. One of those desires is the need for love. The other one is the force of mental pain, and, stemming from that, the resulting calculated cold heartedness - A.K.A. focusing purely on getting laid as much as possible, and with as many women as possible. All things considered: if someone rubbed a magic lamp, and Alladin appeared in front of, granting me 2 choices (I know it's supposed to be 3 wishes, but just bear with me😀) - between having a girl that is compatible with me and loves me, and getting laid with 100s of women, I'd choose the first option in a heartbeat. So, that's nice and all. However, the reality of the situation is, I need to have the "I don't give a fuck" mindset to land that exact girl I want. Ironically, it actually gives me better results (attention, phone numbers etc.), and I am more likely to find that one ideal girl, when I'm focused on getting plethora of girls. But I ACTUALLY want just one girl. But I'm more likely to get her by treating her just like any other girl I'd try to bang. It's confusing and mindfucky. That's the confusing part of this whole process. Seduction is a game of probabilities - and by trying to maximize probabilities, you'll end up being a ruthless motherfucker, perhaps sacrificing the ability to really bond and love. It's paradoxical, but that's just how it goes on this block, I guess.
  9. I've been way too focused on results. And sure, don't get me wrong, I'm actually achieving most of them - like for example, it's likely I'll make those 1000€ this month. And some results are necessary for further progress, thus I HAVE to achieve them - like moving away from my parent's house in summer. That's all good and dandy. Problem with this goal based approach though, is that I'm eventually setting myself up for a dissapointment. What I've realized is that, achieving goals doesn't actually fulfill me. I don't get any joy or satisfaction from achieving goals - and checking them out from my daily/weekly/monthly to-do lists. And also, it's not possible to achieve these goals every single time - no matter how smartly you set them. Therefore, it's a lose/lose situation - I don't get satisfaction from achieving, OR not achieving. Fact is, nothing is guaranteed in this life. The only guarantee is death (and reincarnation maybe - who knows, can't exclude the possibility). It's the process I should be starting to focus on, not the results. Now, that doesn't mean I WILL NOT BE AIMING FOR RESULTS AT ALL. That's not what I meant. If the process won't lead to the direction of results, then I'm going to change the process, of course. But, the focus will still be on the process (jeez, I'm repeating myself a lot). I have to entirely rewire the way I'm looking at progress. That will be a long process in and of itself. It's the road that matter, not the destination. Ironically, this type of thinking may help me with achieving goals for which a lot of patience and stubborness is needed. This shift may actually be critical to my success in certain lide areas - pick up certainly being one of them.
  10. Progressing and improving, but in a more conscious way.
  11. I don't know. It would make things a lot fucking better and easier if they instead joined - and, you know, give their friend a helping hand😁
  12. Already got the perfect text sequences😉 I want to get really good at approaching part first, and just finding fun in the whole process. I don't necessarilly need sex, as long as I'm moving in the direction of having sex, you understand what I mean? The specific girl I'll be having it with is not that important. This is another thing most pick up artists would crucify me for, btw. "Wtf man, what's the point of even doing this, and not aiming/pushing for sex?" I AM AIMING for sex - it's just that I wanna also master the process, and enjoy it, not just chase pussy unconsciously like a hungry, thirsty dog. May seem like a contradiction, but it isn't. To be honest though, I am also insecure about my ability to handle a date, and my living situation (living with parents, not necessarilly a lot of money at my disposal, etc.) Just something I'll have to deal with.
  13. And that's exactly why you have to do them. Generally speaking, the harder things are, then more rewards they tend to bring. That's why swiping on Tinder tends to bring shit results. Because it's too easy. Unless you really go all in on dating app strategies (I'm talking running multiple Tinders, Bumble, optimizing profiles etc.), it will bring you shit results; overweight chicks, chicks past their prime, average looking chicks etc. Cold approach leads are generally higher quality than Tinder leads - and there's a higher likelyhood that they'll get throught the funnel - throught dates, objections etc. to closing. Ofc right now, I'm doing both dating apps and real life cold approaches, but it is apparent to me that I am more likely to close cold approach leads than Tinder leads - just for the fact that I have balls to do the approach, but others dudes don't. That simple. I'm still too shy to set up dates though, but I'm slowly advancing to that point. Right now, I'm working on developing that killer instinct, and approaching despite excuses. You shouldn't need any "momentum" or any "getting into state". Doing warm up challenges will make you look like a weirdo, and it's kinda low value. If you're a cool guy, and you deep down believe you're cool, you should be able to approach at will. But of course, easier said than done, I understand.
  14. During daygame, approach whenever you see a girl you're attracted to, as you're just going about your daily activities. That's the only mindset that works longterm. You have to train that killer instinct within you, and treat anxiety like a pebble in your shoe - just something that's permanently there, but you accept it and walk anyway, without trying to get it out of the shoe. Trying to purphosefully go out to approach girls, is what would be considered weird by majority of people. And it probably is. After you open a girl in the group, talk to and introduce yourself to her friends also. That alone will reduce the possibility of cockblocking by maybe 50%, since they'll unnoficially accept you as cool enough to talk to her. That's often times all it takes for them to stop putting barriers in your way.
  15. Lol, typical humans. "Hey, here's something/someone we haven't seen yet, and we don't know! LET'S DESTROY IT!" Now I understand why aliens keep it lowkey, cause we are fucking stupid.