Seeking validation or love from women is wrong

[Javfly33]

After something with a girl I recently met didn't worked out, it came 6 days of utter hell and extreme suffering, Life showing me the darkness and lack of love there was inside me all my life.

I had to go deep into the pain and realized I feel I do not deserve love and I'm not worthy of being alive. I had to drown myself in the pain of that belief, trying to look at it clearly. 

All my life I was running of this belief, of this energy. All of my schemas and goals for years and years were subconsciously desired in order to feel love, always from outside, the love I couldn't feel just being ME.

I saw clearly the love and unconditional acceptance I was projecting to her, I was not giving it to me.

Now is clear to me, I deserve Love, but not a love from others, but Love itself, from Life, because I'm Life. Because I'm Love itself. I completely love and accept myself. And 100% worthy of being alive, just being me, with no conditions.

 

[hyruga]

You don't seek love. You give love and get back love. Without her, you are also enough by yourself.

[Thought Art]

That’s actually the gift of these rejections. All that pain and suffering that is there is healed through the conscious feeling and allowing and curious understanding of those difficult emotions. But, it’s only through trying and being rejected we get the gift of direct experience of our inner wounds and weaknesses. I had a similar feeling when a fuck buddy she went cold on me. But, I healed a lot and discovered again my Qualb. 
 

I discovered my Qualb, while she sat next to me making out with a good friend of mine. At first it hurt, but then I realized the profound gift of discovering my untouched heart and unconditional centre and giving spirit. I like my friends and happy to see them enjoy each other even if I was rejected it says nothing of my self worth.
 

We are developing a deep deep self love. An inner strength that is attractive but often hard earned. Good work this week my friend. 
 

It is worth it, facing these hard truths. You will become so strong.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Thought Art

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

Amazing, brother. Keep on riding the roller coaster and embrace the downs as much as you embrace the ups.

"The way out of the pain leads through the pain."

- John Bradshaw -

[Schizophonia]

The first time I stepped on a rake, it seemed to "revive the techtonic plates" and I literally fell into a complete depression for several days, lol.

The problem is that love is basically a virtuous cycle, and therefore its absence a vicious circle.
I suppose a little dose of LSD here and there would be great to break the negative feedback loop.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Schizophonia

[Thought Art]

@Schizophonia Just feeling consciously, patience, contemplation, tripping, speaking to others, gentleness, acceptance, overcoming learned helplessness, changing perception 

[Spiritual Warrior]

God damn I relate to this so much. I'm really working on this as well in my life.

Thank you for sharing. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5qdBMIaS_c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzeXRDUk1ds

Edited September 17, 2023 by Raze

[Ry4n]

You are already everything so there is no lack. You are Absolute Perfection infinitely. Pull that higher strength down into this human form and use it to light the world. 

[JosephKnecht]

is it better to love or to be loved? 

[Ry4n]

Just now, JosephKnecht said:

is it better to love or to be loved? 

what's the difference? To be loved is an experience we already creating within ourselves, only illusion says otherwise. 

[inFlow]

@JosephKnecht Of course it's better to LOVE. Feeling loved is way weaker than feeling Love for somebody/something.

[blackchair]

spiritual bypassing. you went from 100% rejection to unconditional love. big nope. there's a universe of emotions and states between that. and you are telling bunch of incels not to fall in love with a woman (indirectly).

[Leo Gura]

Good. An intelligent post. Looks like God beat some sense into you.

Edited September 22, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Whitney Edwards]

Who are you? 

[Yimpa]

What you seek is connection; not manipulation.

One key moment that changed the trajectory of my entire life was a vivid hallucination about a year ago. I imagined myself about to do one of the most disturbing and heinous acts a human being can possibly do. It’s so evil that I can’t possibly say it on here, as I don’t want to disturb anyone who is not ready to hear such things.

The hallucination lasted only a few seconds, but those few seconds were the most real and connected I felt to my inner demons than I ever have in my entire life. This was also the catalyst for serious growth. 

[Francis777]

@Yimpa your right, all control and manipulation is about being willing to sacrifice others need for love so that you can secure your own

Edited September 23, 2023 by Francis777

[UnbornTao]

You're onto something. Good work.

On 17/9/2023 at 1:26 PM, Javfly33 said:

I had to go deep into the pain and realized I feel I do not deserve love and I'm not worthy of being alive. I had to drown myself in the pain of that belief, trying to look at it clearly. 

I suggest you keep looking at what's sourcing these assumptions. There might be more stuff to be realized there. But hey, you tell me.

[StarStruck]

The girl is just a mirror. And you get what you can only give. In the same way you can get only a lovingly smile back if you lovingly smile first towards a mirror. You have to look into why you are not able to smile.

If you are begging to a girl to receive love, it is like begging towards a mirror to get something from the mirror. The truth is that the mirror can only amplify what you give, not give you something you are not.

The whole thing is that not all mirrors all the same. You have to find a girl who wants to be your mirror and in which you look good.

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

The girl is just a mirror. And you get what you can only give. In the same way you can get only a lovingly smile back if you lovingly smile first towards a mirror. You have to look into why you are not able to smile.

If you are begging to a girl to receive love, it is like begging towards a mirror to get something from the mirror. The truth is that the mirror can only amplify what you give, not give you something you are not.

The whole thing is that not all mirrors all the same. You have to find a girl who wants to be your mirror and in which you look good.

When I was younger I unknowingly practiced Satanism.
I was always daydreaming, either about having a girlfriend, an "ideal" life in general, or on the contrary ruminations, painful but liberating scenarios, like being seen as the new mad Hitler/tormented because of of his childhood blah blah blah, etc.
May seem pathetic, it's true, but it has allowed me to remain a holy and sensitive person, despite enormous, almost permanent stress.

When I abandoned this source of artificial love, I gradually became more borderline, autistic, incapable of truly being relaxed to the point of becoming severely insomniac, uncreative, etc. etc.
A while ago I tried this again without even bothering too much, I imagined that a girl was going to like me, people generally, and for a day or two I again felt filled with love, with proper sleep, a deep and powerful voice. 

Until a certain person in my family came to break this flow because of their tyrannical behavior, as usual....

I guess psychedelics play into that.

Edited September 23, 2023 by Schizophonia