Ask A Girl Where You Went Wrong If She Rejects You?

[Toby]

What are your goals? Do you want to get laid or do you want to find a relationship? It's actually very important to know because most pickup advice is aimed for short term success. Look at the "gurus" or your pickup friends. Are they really successful in relating to women over a long term or are they just successful in getting laid with some bag of tricks? Of course there is some good advice out there, for example Eckhart Tolle is recommended, David Deida and Osho. These are very good sources. But there is also a lot of BS. At least it was like that when I was involved in pickup 10 years ago.

[ElenaO]

21 hours ago, John Flores said:

@blazed True, from my experiences all women are shallow and if they are not shallow, they are shallow about being not shallow (for the sake of status, like marrying a guru). I have yet to meet a woman who loves and sees past this physical world. Probably 1/5000 woman truly match this. I have given up on finding the right person - I am too entrenched in arguing with God on how he runs this silly word to worry about women

I would have to argue that this is a rather shallow statement. 

[Toby]

10 minutes ago, see_on_see said:

Eckhart Tolle and Osho recommended for pick up advice, now I've seen it all  

It's true. But it's often used in the wrong context. But for example "the power of now" is highly recommended and it was like this even ten years ago.

[electroBeam]

28 minutes ago, Toby said:

What are your goals? Do you want to get laid or do you want to find a relationship? 

Definitely to have a really deep, fulfilling relationship. Being with someone who really genuinely cares for you, someone you can look after, someone you can express your genuine altruism to, etc.

But for me, and i think a lot of guys, girls that I'm attracted to in that way(cute vs hot) are 1 in 500 girls to me. So I gotta make sure I'm the best pickup king on the planet to ensure that when and if that girls comes along, I can definitely get her dating me. 

I've written privately to a bit of peeps on this forum, and they are all thinking the same as me^^ We aren't doing it because we like sex, or dont like relationships, we are doing it for experience. Infact, I don't really have a strong desire to have sex or date girls im not attracted to anyway.

 

And I know you can look up relationship advice from gurus, but they wont rake in the girl of your dreams.

[electroBeam]

@blazed sure but theoretically speaking you can change your ego into anything. I've somehow almost cured social anxiety and autism just from shadow work. And so many people on here change their personalities into something else that its crazy what you can do.

Theoretically speaking, there could be many differences between someone who got rejected, and someone who didnt and got a girl. These factors CAN be material assets, or physical attractiveness, but generally people agree that its 90% personality that gets the girl.

So if you can change yourself to morph your personality into the latter, you can theoretically most likely get the girl.

Yes this is drastically oversimplified, but when you say that there are some girls you just cannot get, and that PUA is a scam, you're implying that love is fuelled by some fixed, special, unchangeable aspect of ourselves that somehow makes us attractive to girls. That's not true at all, and infact you can completely change your personality to get nearly any girl you want theoretically. 

PUA is ingenious. Equivalently for a girl, its like putting on permanent makeup, your attraction is changed for the better, forever.

[Key Elements]

Have you thought of it this way? This is just a possibility, ok? The "right" gal could be looking at you because she likes your higher-self and likes who you are overall. That may be her intuition at the moment. But then, she sees you do pickup and thinks, "nevermind."

[Key Elements]

32 minutes ago, see_on_see said:

I could give a ton of other examples why knowing attraction and having pick up skills is essential. Especially for those guys that always had problems with girls and social anxiety.

I never said that pickup is wrong. It just sounds really complicated. I know a lot of people who met their significant other just because they worked on themselves and met along the journey. If you want to do pickup, it's your choice. I'm only sharing my experience. 

[Toby]

What if a woman rejects a man, because she is attracted to him and would even have sex with him, but she also knows that her or his heart is not really involved? Maybe she knows better than wasting her / his time? This is not uncommon from my experience.

[Wafflemuffins]

Good job for trying. It must've been very hard.

As for the actual question I agree with a lot of the points made here. The one that resonates most with me is: she most likely has no freaking clue why she rejected you, and even if she does, she's not gonna give you a straight answer cuz she doesn't want to feel like a bitch for hurting your feelings. So you'll gain so much more in terms of personal development, if you're able to take the rejection with stride and confidence and move on. If you can work on accepting yourself after someone else rejected you? That's difficult, and quite meaningful.

 

[Shin]

7 hours ago, John Flores said:

@Emerald WilkinsPlease don't call me delusional again. I don't like it and it pisses me off.

 

You're very far away from the path if someone you can't even see, pisses you off.

The fact that she pisses you off is a good thing, you should see that as a warning sign that your ego is very active at the moment.

 

 

Edited February 19, 2017 by Shin

[Peace and Love]

@electroBeam

Also keep in mind that relationship experience and training doesn't stop at pickup.  I'm sure you know that just picking up a chick/ aka asking for her number doesn't make you a master at finding the right girl.  There is much to learn when going on dates, and having a relationship, sex, good conversation, etc.

Episode #2!!!! lol And my TERRIBLE ADVICE!!

I wanted to share some dating experiences with you about why I personally decided not to go out on a second date with certain men.  I also wanted to tell you about something that recently happened.....my mom broke up with Mark!!!  (The Salad dressing technique guy!!! and it's for good!!!)

My mom and Mark... I was so sure they  were going to get married.  My mom was very happy, but I learned something really important when it comes to dating.  You really have to love yourself and be comfortable with who you are.  That is so very important.  Mark was not comfortable with who he was.  He didn't have BALANCE in his life.  He was overworked and he had a 21 autistic son that he took care of part of the time and he refused to ask for help with his son's care so he was consistently worn out. (Tommy is on the opposite side of the spectrum, very low functioning, complete opposite of Aspergers, he has been permanently stuck at a 5 year old mentality and learning curve for many years!) Mark suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being in the military.  He also ended on a really bad note with his previous marriage.  He never forgave himself or other people.  He never let go, and held grudges and had anger issues.  He didn't do the personal development inner work to heal and start feeling confident about himself again.  My mom and I wanted to be apart of Mark's life, and most of all my mom and I really wanted to help his son, Tommy.  My mom and I already had made plans on how to improve Tommy's well being and with the little exposure we had to his son we had already seen significant changes.  My mom and I are both devastated by the turn of events, but we know it was for the best because my mom deserved so much better.  Because Mark was not feeling good about himself, he sabotaged his own happiness and a relationship that should have never happened in the first place.  Mark mastered pick up, but he didn't master his own heart!  He destroyed the very thing he wanted!  To be with my mom!  How fricken sad!!

My dating experiences.......  The guys that never made bf status.  What did they do wrong??     Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the really stupid!

1.)  2 years ago I graduated with my hypnosis certification and attended this big social networking event with my instructor.  It was held at this really nice 12 story Condo, in their activity center that was at the very top of the building.  It had a gorgeous view of the entire city and the local shopping area.  While I was there, I met this guy named Greg.  He happened to live in the condo and he was visiting the activity center with his 7 year old daughter to show her the beautiful view and the stars.  This guy introduced himself with his daughter and gave me his business card.  He was friendly, engaging, and we talked for a few minutes.  I'm usually not interested in men that have kids, especially since I'm single and have none of my own.  He was definitely one of the exceptions to the rule.  And seriously...this guy was pick up master level 100!  He had his fricken kid and I was interested! lol  So I went on this date with this guy Greg.  And he was absolutely amazing.  He was attractive, he knew how to dress.  He wore form fitting clothes, and he smelled wonderful  He also was bald!!  I wanted to mention this because I've seen a few men on this forum that are insecure about their receding hair line. I've found a video showing that the shaved head look is one of the top attractive hair styles for men!   Anyways, Greg and I  met at this Japanese restaurant, and come to find out he had a PHD in Physics!!  I've always had a thing for extremely intelligent men, so me and him completely hit it off.  (And this guy wasn't even a gamer!!  And I usually go for gamer men! lol)  We talked at the restaurant for a few hours and then we walked outside window shopping and in the park.  He was just absolutely amazing.  He was the very first man that I dated when I came back home to Virginia to be with my parents.  He was romantic, he held my hand, we had great conversation.  His attractiveness level was definitely a 10 out of 10.   He was literally the perfect guy all in one package! 

But.......I chose not to go on a second date.  WAIT.....WHAT?!?!?  Are you NUTS???? 

Red flag #1:  He had his ex wife's name tattooed on his hand.

Red flag #2: He wasn't looking for a serious relationship.  In fact he was into having open relationships, with multiple women! lol Yes I kid you not, this really happened. He was just like Mark....he allowed his ex wife to completely mind f*ck him and didn't do the inner  work to start trusting again.  His ex wife was in love with another man, and was having an open relationship while she was still married to Greg!  And he allowed it! It totally screwed him up big time, so he was stuck in this "I'm never ever going to love another woman again" BS.   We are what we believe ourselves to be.


Last year in the summer I had a free 7 day trial of match.com, so I decided to go on a bunch of dates that week as much as I could and see what happens! lol  These are my experiences.....

1.)  The first guy I met was Jared. He was a professional Chef and I met him at this nice restaurant.  I decided I really wanted to prove that I do look like my pictures since so many dating sites complain that nobody puts actual pictures of what they look like anymore.  So I dressed up nicely.  I curled hair, put on this nice dress, etc.  So I met this guy, and first off he was completely intimidated by the way I looked.  Which was a red flag for me.  I wanted someone that was confident.  And I was surprised because he was a bit older than me, early 40's.  He was shy, so we didn't have that connection like I did with Greg that I so desperately wanted to recreate.  After dinner we went bowling and played at the arcade.  We acted like kids and it was very liberating and something I look for in a guy, but the connection wasn't there that I wanted.  The lack of confidence and communication was such a big turn off.  Of course the guy wanted a kiss at the end of the day....lol let's say he didn't get one and I never called back.

2.)  The second guy  I met was really cool.  His name was Ryan and he was a professional indie Game designer and had just released a game for the PS4 that he had worked on by himself for the last 2 years!!! We talked on skype for 8 HOURS STRAIGHT!!! lol We just totally clicked online.  He looked HOTT in his pictures!  He was definitely my type!  However when I met him in person, it was a very different story.....He didn't look like his pictures at all.  His face was puffy, he had gained weight and he wasn't taking care of himself.  He told me that he had just recently recovered from kidney cancer, and he almost didn't make it.  This was very hard for me to swallow, especially since my dad had stage four terminal colon cancer.  I could see by the way he was eating he probably wouldn't have lasted very long, and we definitely would not have a good sexual relationship if I pursued anything.  He definitely would not be able to satisfy in bed! lol  HEALTH is VERY IMPORTANT!!  Also besides the gaming stuff unfortunately we didn't have anything else in common!  There is this huge spiritual side that was untapped that he could not relate to or understand.  He wasn't into personal development, so I could see our conversations and chemistry would be based off of gaming interests, which wasn't enough for me.  Since gaming is not a primary thing in my life anymore. He got the kiss, but he didn't get the second date.

3.) The third guy I met Cameron, was actually from facebook.  He was friends with someone I went to college with.  We had a lot in common: he was vegan, he was a gamer/cosplayer, he liked art and was into photography, and he loved to kayak (which is something i love to do!)  So I added him on facebook, liked a couple pictures on his page, left a comment about kayaking....etc....he figured it out and pursued me after that! lol  So we talked back and forth on facebook for about a month, and then he invited me to his birthday party he was having at a Irish Pub with a bunch of his friends.  Of course he tried to entice me with vegan tiramisu for his birthday cake...lol I couldn't resist! So I meet this guy. I loved his friends.  These were the type of people I would totally chill with.   Unfortunately things didn't work out despite all the things we had in common and talked about online for over a month.  We definitely had established a good solid sense of communication.  Apparently I learned that talking online, and talking in person are two VERY different things!  You can be under an illusion of what the person is really like.  So I'm at the pub, and my date is getting totally sh*t faced drunk.  lol  Of course I naturally don't drink at all because of all my food allergies.  I had one, just to feel like I was part of the party but that was it.  Cameron was trying to force the whole kissing thing and was trying to get me drunk....lol...yeah right...good luck buddy! The major red flag was that the guy told me at the end of the night that the whole reason he wanted to get remarried (was divorced for over a year) and specifically have kids was because his dad wanted grandchildren and was going to pay off his school loans if he had kids!! Yes he really told me that! TRUE STORY.   I left, the guy didn't get the kiss, the end!

4.) By this time I was really getting annoyed with the types of men I was encountering.  I started to take things into my own hands.  So i did a refined search on match.com for specific types of men with very specific qualities I was looking for, including zodiac stuff, and putting in key words like meditation and enlightenment.  I ended up with like 3 or 4 guys in the results and I each contacted them.  Quality over quantity. Most of them were inactive which was a bummer, but I did get one!  His name was Derek.  He lived two hours away, but it was worth the drive.  We met up at a half way point and went bowling and had dinner.  Derek and I had a lot in common. He was into spiritually, and enlightenment, but was also a gamer.  I'll keep it brief out of respect for the guy, and of course I changed his name. In fact at one point he was somewhat of a famous celebrity and had gamer rap videos all over youtube.com.  Out of the guys I met on match he was the only one that I continued to date after the first initial date.  He was just perfect.... We dated for about a month, and we were both head over heals for each other. One date we went to a park during the summer time and meditated.  He also had the healing energy ability like i did, and we would send energy to each other.  It was amazing.  After having a really intimate experience with him one night, I did a hypnosis session for relaxation as well as reiki on him.  He wanted to do this, and he enjoyed it.  However this time, the reiki did something that I wasn't expecting....since it's spiritually guided energy and it goes for where the healing is needed most.... it effected him on a subconscious level, and lets just say I found out things that most women would not find out about a man unless they dated him for atleast a year or two ..my healing abilities literally saved me from wasting my time in an relationship with a man that didn't deserve me and my love....the following weeks after that instance i discovered who he really was.  I found out he lied about certain things.  Dishonesty is such a big NO NO.....  He was trying to be more spiritual to impress me, and played down his gamer side like it would keep me attracted to him.  He tried to manipulate things.... I gave him several chances, which is pretty rare for me to do with any guy period...because i thought he was worth it....he screwed up big time, and he even came after me several times to try to win me back (after his final last chance) and he has been permanently placed in the the "friend zone" arena.


Like i said in my original first post to you, Men make things harder and more complicated than it has be.  Just be a friend and be yourself.  Love yourself, and take care of your body.  Dress well (with form fitting clothes) and smell good (take a shower!)  it's surprising how many men don't realize how much smell plays a big part in attraction.  I have placed men in permanent friend zone status based off smell alone! You can't force or manipulate someone to love or like you.   And that goes both ways with the sexes, men and women. Love comes naturally on it's own from being yourself.   And if things don't work out it's for a very good reason, and sometimes you won't understand at all and just have to trust it for the better!  And sometimes it's not your fault at all and has absolutely nothing to do with you, but the other person has some mentally mind f*cking issues in his head that prevent him and sabotage himself from having a loving relationship.



 

[Peace and Love]

@electroBeam  @Shin @Steph1988 @Leo Gura @Elton @Principium Nexus @Space @ElenaO

Oh I wanted to mention something about my previous comment I left last night...I completely forgot.  (My Episode 2 advice)

The guy I went on a date with 2  years ago, Greg., he did in fact ask me WHY I didn't go on a second date with him on facebook about a week later.  And I did tell him the truth, no lies, no bs, no coverups.  I felt because it was an instant messenger conversation rather than face to face or by phone it was a lot easier to be honest with him. Plus he was such a great guy.  He had mastered pickup and dealing with women.   I didn't feel threatened or uncomfortable talking about it.  We had established good communication in person when we went on our date. He was non judgemental, easy to talk to, and he was very emotionally developed. I just told him I wasn't into having multiple relationships, or an open relationship.  I was looking for a serious committed relationship with one person. I wasn't mean about it.  I was kind and understanding of his situation and why he had gone down this road.  We stayed good friends on face book.  And he just recently moved to San Francisco to start a new job! 

My mom and I also recently talked about this thread.  And she could not agree more with me, about talking about why things didn't work out.  And as I'm typing this I'm thinking about other examples that are popping into my head...lol I think I'm going to need to write an episode 3 at some point!  Communication is key in any relationship.  It's how you carry and handle yourself.  If you're calm and collected, why wouldn't someone not want to be honest with you? 

 

[Shin]

17 hours ago, Peace and Love said:

If you're calm and collected, why wouldn't someone not want to be honest with you? 

 

It is more a matter of being honest with yourself.

Plenty of people want to be honest, they are just afraid to be vulnerable/rejected in doing so.

Edited February 25, 2017 by Shin

[Peace and Love]

@Shin @electroBeam  True that!

Just now, Shin said:

It is more a matter of being honest with yourself.

Plenty of people want to be honest, they are just afraid to be vulnerable in doing so.

 

[electroBeam]

@Peace and Love  but whats the point of doing pickup if love is just something you cant control? There is literally no reason for it if that's the case. That's an entire industry down the drain. 

[Toby]

It's like marketing. You can make some people buy certain things with certain tricks but it doesn't mean they need or actually want the product. Even if before buying they were excited about it.

[Shin]

3 hours ago, electroBeam said:

@Peace and Love  but whats the point of doing pickup if love is just something you cant control? There is literally no reason for it if that's the case. That's an entire industry down the drain. 

Eliminating a part of your anxiety around women.

It won't solve everything, because the need for love isn't about not being good with women, it is about not realizing that you aren't a separate entity from the whole, which is what spirituality is about.

Quote

George Santayana said, paraphrasing, that we are not in love with the person but in our projection of the person

Yes, and this is why spirituality is important, because it is only through this that you can see that everything a reflection of you

Edited February 25, 2017 by Shin

[Morten]

@Shin Perfect description!

Many of their advice can assist you to relax around them and when you are relaxed conversation flows naturally, like with your buddies. "Shit tests" are completely ignored and passed when you are relaxed.

For example, take into the account difference between chatting with a girl online or via text messages and chatting in person. I personally can chat over internet a lot, relax them, make them laugh and get them to a date. However in person it is a completely different situation. Perhaps it has to do with their projected image of me. Just to clarify, they could see my picture

George Santayana said, paraphrasing, that we are not in love with the person but in our projection of the person

[sweater]

?

[Flare]

Really bizarre thread here. Many difficult believes flying around. 

@electroBeam You gotta be able to distinguish between love and attraction. Your love for your partner is the same as for your mother (maybe not as intense or even more intense), but hopefully your attracted to your partner (or girl you just met etc.) and not your mother. First is about spirituality and your own being, second can be achieved trough pure skills, even though it's a hell of a lot easier with inner game and it's way more healthy.

By the way, that it would be a whole industry down the drain is not an argument. If the industry was shit and good at selling shit, it would still suck, even though many would fall for the trap. Example: McDonalds. Would you argue McDonalds is healthy then? Otherwise it would be down the drain.

Pick up does work. You just have to see it for what it really is (for).

Edited February 25, 2017 by Flare