coburn

What values do you live by?

22 posts in this topic

Couple days ago i found an interesting podcast episode (its in german, but i can post it if you like) about values and it made me think alot.

I feel like i dont really have proper values that i live be and that stay faithful to. I mean its easy so say things like "im honest, im loyal, im openminded" but they all seam very vague and i feel like its easy to forget about them if the situation suits me.

 

So im wondering what are your guys values? Which are not negotiable under any circumstances?

 

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Literaly purchase life purphose course, and watch it/do all the exercises. You'll find your values there. It's amazing that most people here have probably not even bothered to purchase it and watch it - it's a gem.

Values should reflect traits, which if you fully embodied, you'd become the most fullfilled. That's literaly the question you should be asking: "Which one of these things would make me the most fullfilled if I was to fully embody them in my life?"

There are also "negative values" - not negative in a sense that they're wrong, but they won't make you really fullfilled - values like sex, riches, approval, comfort, status etc.

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Posted (edited)

Im doing other things already, i might do the purpose course in the future. But thats not what i was looking for in this post.. im just interested to know what kind of values you guys here have and live by and how easy or hard it is to stay true to them.

Edited by coburn

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Fair enough, if you're just interested in that. Just wanted to give you some sort of blueprint.

Here are my top 10 (in order of importance)

  1. Truth/reality
  2. Consciousness/awareness
  3. Purphose
  4. Focus
  5. Progress
  6. Elegance/simplicity
  7. Knowledge/learning/understanding
  8. Strength
  9. Loyalty/commitement
  10. Family

Some are easier, some are more difficult to embody - but in nuttshell, this is how I want my life to look like. Values should reflect the way you live your life.

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Posted (edited)

The way I think about the issue of Values, is to try and consider the foundations upon which my schema of Reality is constructed and cultivated.

For me, it can boil down to a small number of baseline principles that have a wide degree of applicability.

(1) Compassion - Compassion wins over empathy in my book, because empathy biases us. For example we have a much easier time empathizing with someone who looks and behaves as we do, and a much more difficult time doing so with someone who has very different values or life experiences. Empathy can also lead to projecting your life experiences and beliefs on to others.

(2) Dignity - Both myself and others are worthy of self-respect. The primary purpose of social structures should be to make it possible for individuals and communities to live a dignified life.

(3) Contemplation - One's meaning making apparatus should be cultivated over a lifetime. Attitudes and beliefs should be scrutinized and deconstructed. This also includes cultivating one's ability to adopt new perspectives. Learning should be a lifelong process.

 

Edited by DocWatts

"The mind is inherently embodied.
Thought is mostly unconscious.
Abstract concepts are largely metaphorical." - George Lakoff

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Honesty/Authenticity

Beauty

Self awareness

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Posted (edited)

Lol. Some people claim they have some values but they are not embodying them at all. But it will reflect back to them and they will probably experience unfulfillment because of it.

My values I live by are (random order):

1. (Inner) peace - The one thing I value the most and that gets targeted the most, because I let it, but I'm working on it.

2. Integrity - Saying something and actually following up on that. Actions over words. Not being a flaky person. I value integrity the most in people and hate the most when this value is not being honored.

3. Respect - I care about my bounderies being respected and my wishes be taken into consideration. I also care about respecting other people in that sense.

4. Perfection - Maybe not the best value but whatever I do, I try to do it with great precision and detail and it has to be how I envisioned it.

5. Being the best - Ever since I was little I've been competitive and I took defeat very hard.

Edited by somegirl

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Posted (edited)

I mostly let go of toxic values I do think this is more complicated than just values, as you have to provide the neccesary life conditions also. Yet from doing the LP. I re-organize my values
 

  1. Personal Growth
  2. Playfulness and Spontaneity
  3. Love
  4. Bravery and Courage
  5. Honesty
  6. Consciouness and Awareness
  7. Connection
  8. Freedom and Autonomey
  9. Learning and Understanding
  10. Adventure

These are values Ì mostly live and integrate and re-integrate. If possible I internalized most of them, although this is not always possible. There is also way more to talk about. These are the values I live by I rate myself on how much I embody them each year at least and re-arrange them in order of importance.

Sometimes life hits you very hard and priorities are just going to switch. Consciouness has been my highest value for years, now it's only pretty important. Also a lot of these overlap and many don't question how can I act them out?

For instance adventure is quiet easy I could go for a bike ride with my family and/or alone. Or I could travel to Mexico. Although planning finding the right people provide some difficulties.

Some of these values are quiet difficult to embody. Also there is way more nuance. I'll leave this here as thought-provoking impulse.

You can also create values for your entire family to live by which would be highly integerous and part of having a conscious family etc. etc. 

It is also important to how you define your values and what it means to you etc. 


This is also a tool for free that might be helpful and insightful. I never fully utilized it, but I know it exists.

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm

Edited by ValiantSalvatore

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Curiosity and exploration

(yeah the problem is that one seems to hit lots of walls; the futility of seeking for something one may never feel complete/finished with so maybe its not the best but meh)  Curiosity is my current "medication" for life.

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Frankness 

Trust 

Openness

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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My values are no concept. I literally just value people. Every person is of non-negotiable value.

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Intrinsic health.

 


Intrinsic joy is revealed in the marriage of meaning and being.

 

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Posted (edited)

  1. Freedom
  2. Adventure & Novelty
  3. Energy (Embodying & Spreading positive energy to the world)
  4. Power & Social Status 
  5. Creativity 
  6. Authenticity 
  7. Boldness 
  8. Connection & Friendship 
  9. Abundance 
  10. (Healthy) Competition
Edited by Striving for more

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time for a value-aligned dating app :x

21 hours ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

Personal Growth

Growth ;)

22 hours ago, somegirl said:

5. Being the best - Ever since I was little I've been competitive and I took defeat very hard.

look into this, there is trauma behind this value."Perfection" as well might hint to unmet needs.

for me it's

1. Consciousness
2. Fearlessness (courage/equanimity, it's nuanced ;))
3. Passion
4. Love
5. Truth (under which is honesty)
6. Beauty (very important! but I have fallen out of touch with this value so much, that only now I remember to write it, 6th place, tsk)

and the rest are auxiliary, really.
 

I do try to live by these values and they subconsciously shape my choices and the way I spend my day but the striving is very mediocre. Time to contemplate values again.

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@Kshantivadin

7 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

time for a value-aligned dating app :x

Yeah I included it in my dating-profile as a description of myself, as I saw the idea somewhere and some women described their values also, it was interesting to see how they describe their values. Many really never think about this I mean people in general.

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12 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

look into this, there is trauma behind this value."Perfection" as well might hint to unmet needs.

Yeah... Probably.

Maybe some of it has to do with being scolded when making a small mistake in the past (like accidentally spilling something)... And it just kind of got programmed into my mind.

12 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

6. Beauty (very important! but I have fallen out of touch with this value so much, that only now I remember to write it, 6th place, tsk)

What things fall under this value? Like, what does this entail (since beauty is a broad term) specifically for you? 

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Lately, my mind has been fixated on the statement “forgive them, for they know not what they do”. Everyone has their own set of flaws and makes mistakes that require forgiving from those who are harmed to keep things from getting out of control. My goal is to live in a way that requires the least amount of forgiving while still being authentic in my own flaws.

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Posted (edited)

Having strong values are sometimes over-rated

 

Well i've been cheated on multiple times and still choose to stay, thinking "love" can heal

 

It doesn't, It didn't stop even after years, I still love her and i have not been with anyone since. She was my first and last.

 

Not worth it, I'm still unhappy and I can't seem to trust anymore. I'm forgotten about, But that's ok I guess i choose this experience.

 

I think just don't harm anyone on purpose and be a good person that respects yourself and your surroundings, is more than enough

Edited by khalifa

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On 3/24/2022 at 2:17 AM, somegirl said:

What things fall under this value? Like, what does this entail (since beauty is a broad term) specifically for you? 

All of these values are super broad and contain sub-values within them as well.

Beauty, after some contemplation, is embodied, experienced when you raise your consciousness enough to see Beauty manifest every single moment. But it also includes practical guidelines to orient your life towards more beauty ;).

It also involves getting in touch what you don't want. Those things naturally fall off when the value is embodied.


Just imagine a life in which you're following this value.

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your values should be

excellence

knowledge

integrity and good deeds

meditation

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