peqkno

Girls... who have you felt understands you the best?

190 posts in this topic

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 Guys need a mechanism for getting better  better with women. Pickup is that mechanism. You can criticize it, but then you need to invent a better mechanism that actually works for guys.

I believe it is just the experience of being comfortable being yourself around women and loss of fear of rejection. It can be achieved practicing being secure around women. I don't see a need for pick up techniques other that emotional support from the back for someone who is insecure.

Edited by neutralempty

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3 minutes ago, Moon said:

Yes I agree, to the point where I wish my first bf had learnt it... (sounds nonsensical without the details haha)

 

Yes, definitely, you want to be with someone who has/is able to have other options.

Edited by Khr

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To be clear, many guys who get into pickup abuse it and don't give a shit about women.

I'm just saying that pickup can be done in more conscious ways and the fact is that it works and it's not going away because men struggle with getting laid more than ever. So my solution is to make pickup more conscious and healthy.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's sort of like you're saying, don't practice piano because you're not perfect and natural at it.

Guys need a mechanism for getting better with women. Pickup is that mechanism. You can criticize it, but then you need to invent a better mechanism that actually works for guys.

I am fine with men using pick-up to get laid. And I do understand the efficacy of having such a mechanism.

But understand that it does come at a significant cost to intimacy and organic relationship growth... which is what women usually care about and feel satisfied by.

Pick-up from the female perspective is like the fast food of sex and relationships. It can taste okay and fill you up a bit. But the real sustenance comes from the ability for things to happen organically over the course of time. And I have personally found that starting things out on a sexual note seriously impedes that organic process.

The relationship quality difference is the difference between the waxy chocolates they sell at the dollar store during the holidays and hand-crafted gourmet truffles made from cacao beans found in the depths of the Amazon. It takes time and pick-up is immediate and fast.


Click here to watch my Free 60-Minute Shadow Integration Masterclass!

The masterclass includes all the foundational information you need for beginning a Shadow Work practice. DM me if you have any questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

 

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1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

I'm just saying that pickup can be done in more conscious ways and the fact is that it works and it's going away because men struggle with getting laid and this problem is not going away. So my solution is to make pickup more conscious and healthy.

Maybe that way is getting rid of the sole intention of getting her in your bed.

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2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But understand that it does come at a significant cost to intimacy and organic relationship growth... which is what women usually care about and feel satisfied by.

To get a relationship one must first get laid.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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2 minutes ago, neutralempty said:

Maybe that way is getting rid of the sole intention of getting her in your bed.

That should not be the sole intention. My intention was always to find a good girlfriend. Getting her in bed was just a means to that end.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

To be clear, many guys who get into pickup abuse it and don't give a shit about women.

I'm just saying that pickup can be done in more conscious ways and the fact is that it works and it's going away because men struggle with getting laid and this problem is not going away. So my solution is to make pickup more conscious and healthy.

I think it sucks some guys in. I don’t think in most cases they go with that evil intention. Often times they get into it because they really like a girl, but are to shy to make a move, and end up getting heartbroken. 

For guys that get consumed by it, it’s a dangerous trap - they get too contaminated and lose faith in relationships - become narcissistic and are unable to form genuine bond. It is scary really.

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Just now, Leo Gura said:

To be clear, many guys who get into pickup abuse it and don't give a shit about women.

I'm just saying that pickup can be done in more conscious ways.

See, to be fair and honest, I might be attracted to a guy who is into pickup stuff, I'm not denying the attraction but I don't want to feel used, you see what I mean? I want a deep bonding experience lasting a long time and that I don't find in the pickup men and this is my honest opinion. 

Not trying to chide you in any way and I apologize if I got under your skin or something, but it's my POV and the way I view it because of my personal experience and I don't want it to be invalidated because it stems from experience. I feel these men screw my view of my own sexuality. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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17 minutes ago, Khr said:

I feel that whenever girls hear about pickup, they assume it’s just  this asshole guy whose agenda is just to bang a lot of women. In reality, often it is just regular guys who don’t have any experience with women and just want to get a girlfriend. I’ve seen guys like that at work, they are extremely shy and some basic pickup may be life changing for them. I feel bad for them, often they are really sweet guys, I think it is especially a problem in North America - I think it is because of the way high school is structured and they end up not having enough close exposure to women. Often they just end up with that one girl long term or it’s one of the next few girls they end up with.

I feel it would help a lot if the word “pickup” would get replaced by some other word. I feel the word “pickup” is triggering. 

I do understand that it is a lot of guys who just want to get some success with women. This is why I have no issue with pick-up being used for those purposes. I probably would try out pick-up if I were a man.

What I am saying is that pick-up creates a distorted image of female sexuality... just one that is more workable for the agenda of getting laid. So, it is only the misrepresentation of the female experience that is unnerving to me.

But I also think it's important to get men to realize that their notions of pick-up can write over the actuality of female sexual experience. And this will stand in the way of deeper bonding experiences.


Click here to watch my Free 60-Minute Shadow Integration Masterclass!

The masterclass includes all the foundational information you need for beginning a Shadow Work practice. DM me if you have any questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

 

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2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

See, to be fair and honest, I might be attracted to a guy who is into pickup stuff, I'm not denying the attraction but I don't want to feel used, you see what I mean? I want a deep bonding experience lasting a long time and that I don't find in the pickup men and this is my honest opinion. 

Not trying to chide you in any way and I apologize if I got under your skin or something, but it's my POV and the way I view it because of my personal experience and I don't want it to be invalidated because it stems from experience. I feel these men screw my view of my own sexuality. 

 

But it is your choice whether you get used or not. You need to develop a good judgement of character, learn what techniques they use, it is your job to educate yourself to spot genuine men. 

Edited by Khr

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Just now, Khr said:

But it is your choice whether you get used or not. You need to develop a good judgement of character, learn what techniques they use, it is your job to educated yourself to spot genuine men.

It's not easy though. There's no guarantee with such things. There's no guarantee with the phone I buy, it might break tomorrow despite the company's assurances, much less guarantee with men. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That should not be the sole intention. My intention was always to find a good girlfriend.

Hmn, I dunno how you did pick up. But finding a gf on parties with sex on the first night, is what comes to my mind.

Seems like looking for water in the desert.

Edited by neutralempty

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3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

To get a relationship one must first get laid.

My attraction comes from the months before that happens. 

I have to be attracted to a man BEFORE I have sex with him. And the quickness of pick-up doesn't give me the time I need to determine that. 

As I've said, it's usually a few months before organic attraction arises... if it will arise at all.

You have to watch a man when he's not watching you to know what a man is really made of. And this comes only from interacting with him often. You won't get very much information the real man if he's trying to do the mating dance at you. You certainly wouldn't get enough information to know if you're compatible or have chemistry with him.


Click here to watch my Free 60-Minute Shadow Integration Masterclass!

The masterclass includes all the foundational information you need for beginning a Shadow Work practice. DM me if you have any questions and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

 

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Pick Up is a response to a specific human need in society that overall doesn't know how to relate to one another. Can you see the whole misunderstanding holistically or are you just interested in hacking you way through to make do and get yours? Eventually the whole problem will become unavoidable. It's like shoring up the unlevel third floor of house with more material and ignoring the fact that the problem is that the foundation is sand. No one is a bad person for doing pick up. But the reason it seems so necessary is the symptom of a larger, less personal problem. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

It's not easy though. There's no guarantee with such things. There's no guarantee with the phone I buy, it might break tomorrow despite the company's assurances, much less guarantee with men. 

 

There is a good guarantee. I am so surprised sometimes how naive some of my friends are, I just want to slap them to wakeup. It just blows my mind how could someone get into a situation like some of the situations they get into, the guys’ red flags were just on fire. Nothing in life will be given to you on a golden plate with a bow tied to it, you want great genuine relationship, you have to put in the work.

Edited by Khr

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8 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Pick Up is a response to a specific human need in society that overall doesn't know how to relate to one another. Can you see the whole misunderstanding holistically or are you just interested in hacking you way through to make do and get yours? Eventually the whole problem will become unavoidable. It's like shoring up the unlevel third floor of house with more material and ignoring the fact that the problem is that the foundation is sand. No one is a bad person for doing pick up. But the reason it seems so necessary is the symptom of a larger, less personal problem. 

Yes, absolutely. I was shocked when I heard one of my coworkers story. He said throughout high school/university, he barely spoke to any girls. There is nothing wrong with him, sweet, smart guy. A lot of men are very alienated, in ways we can’t imagine, it is a deep societal problem. 
 

I was deeply unconscious myself how I was acting with men for many years. Guys would approach me and I would get annoyed with them when they do. I wouldn’t think how hard it must have been for them to get the courage to talk to me - I would literally have an “ew” expression on my face. 

Edited by Khr

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Just now, Khr said:

There is a good guarantee. I am so surprised sometimes how naive some of my friends are, I just want to slap them to wakeup. It just blows my mind how could someone get into a situation like that, red flags are just on fire. Nothing in life will be given to you on a golden plate with a bow, you want great genuine relationship, you have to put in the work.

It's not about work. 

Any judgement is always prone to errors. There's no accuracy with things. 

Yes I can be better with time and experience. Yet, there will never be a guarantee on human nature and character. 

It's not a line written in stone. 

Character changes like anything else 

The problem here is not my error in judgement because it's bound to happen even on my best days, the problem here is the lack of consciousness. 

Much of pickup, the bad kind, is rooted in unconsciousness. Hence it creates a lot of misery 

 When people start practicing pickup in more conscious ways, it will significantly reduce the chances of falling for men who a woman cannot experience a deep bonding with. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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Just now, Khr said:

Yes, absolutely. I was shocked when I heard one of my coworkers story. He said throughout high school/university, he barely spoke to any girls. A lot of men are very alienated, in ways we can’t imagine, it is a deep societal problem. 

Imagine if schools put an emphasis on teaching communication and social skills. On the fundamentals of living a happy life, not a measurable "successful" life. But as society is concerned, that's not important, only numbers. So the same men who were told that good grades and measurable success was everything rate women by numbers and count how many they sleep with. Then we blame them for doing what they were taught to do.


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

 When people start practicing pickup in more conscious ways, it will significantly reduce the chances of falling for men who a woman cannot experience a deep bonding with. 

 

Again, this is partially the woman’s fault. Why is she falling in love with that man? Is that maybe because she has some trauma she hasn’t dealt with that makes assholes attractive to her? The guy is not obligated not to be an asshole to the women. 
 

What will significantly reduce the chance is stopping the victim mentality, rolling the sleeves, and working on herself. You can’t change how men act, and it is stupid to try to do so, you can only change yourself.

Edited by Khr

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