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Girls... who have you felt understands you the best?

190 posts in this topic

Yesterday I was at a spiritual workshop where we were healing the divine feminine / masculine within us.

As I was spilling my guys to a woman who was supposed to represent the divine feminine for me, I had talk about how distorted my view of femininity and women in general had become over the years.

Because of all the negative experiences I had in the past, my perception was so biased against women. Pickup fit into that world view.

It's a nuanced issue because on the one hand, I know how it can benefit guys. I was a part of that community for a while and it did help.

But ultimately, it still presents a distorted form of sexuality / dating.

What's even more interesting is that the feminine is so repressed, that even women don't always seem to realize it. They think this is normal and what healthy sexuality looks like.

And certainly we don't need to moralize against people who engage in a more surface level form of dating. But I don't find it fits with my current world view.

Pickup paints this picture that you are in charge of your dating life. Meeting a girl is an act of will that you can control. When in reality, I find that I meet a girl when the time is right. And most of the time it's not because of anything I "did".

If anything, it's like the universe decides that it's time for us to meet. And when that happens, the most bizarre circumstances can bring you together.

That timeline for that happening is also not necessarily on the "pickup" timeline. It could be fast, but it also could take a long time.

It's not about being passive. It's about really listening to what you want and feels good. What you feel guided to do.

Maybe that's approaching. But maybe it's nothing at all.

In other words, there's a lot of "force" that goes on in pickup. Guys trying to force themselves to approach. Guys trying to force themselves to be attractive. Forcing everything.

Maybe that's a useful paradigm for a while, but eventually you got to let that go.

I don't doubt that there's a conscious way to teach guys how to meet women. But so far I've seen very little of it.

Edited by aurum

Loving a new world into being.

Energy healing, music making, tree hugging, sacred being.

YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/k_gzVJIeTlI

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13 minutes ago, Khr said:

I was deeply unconscious myself how I was acting with men for many years. Guys would approach me and I would get annoyed with them when they do. I wouldn’t think how hard it must have been for them to get the courage to talk to me - I would literally have an “ew” expression on my face. 

 I remember going up to a boy I barely knew in highschool to ask to borrow his math book because I forgot mine. The look of terror in his eyes as I walked up to him was completely unexpected. I thought I was shy and insecure. We're too often thinking only of ourselves, which is exactly what insecurity is. 

@aurum :x

3 minutes ago, aurum said:

In other words, there's a lot of "force" that goes in pickup. Guys trying to force themselves to approach. Guys trying to force themselves to be attractive. Forcing everything.

Better to reframe to something more like the Star Wars kind of Force.


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

To get a relationship one must first get laid.

Bruh at least take a girl on a couple dates and try to build some type of a relationship before going straight to having sex. Hell for a lot of women, they want to be in a relationship first before even thinking about doing anything sexual. Men are like microwaves. They can heat up instantly. Women are like crock pots, it takes us some time. There isn't anything wrong with one night stands or sleeping with someone on the first date, but i guess my thing is have some patience. This isn't how a lot of scenarios work out. Often times you need to have some time for some type of emotional rapport to build with a woman. That doesn't mean you HAVE TO get into a committed relationship before having sex, but I guess I'm afraid of this type of message being taken to the extreme.

That's my whole thing with pick up. The messages there can easily be taken to the extreme if it isn't in the right context (at least from what I see) and that is especially the case with guys who spend all of their time behind a computer screen with little to no social skills period, forget about talking to the opposite sex. A lot of those guys don't know how to see nuances, because again, lack of social intelligence/ experience and that can get a lot of those people into trouble. And those extremes can easily paint women and female sexuality as a whole as some type of a caricature instead of viewing women as human with their own individual needs. I have talked to my friends about what we want in guys and almost after every conversation, regardless of what each of our individual preferences are, we realize that our bars are on the floor because ultimately we want a guy who will treat us with basic human respect (whether it is in a relationship or a hook up) so that we can trust the guy and feel safe.  

Go ahead, do whatever you want to attract women idk, just keep malicious intent out of it and view women as human instead of a body to add to your count. Ethical pick up if you will is necessary. And part of it is being careful of how things are phrased and not painting large groups of people with broad strokes. Seeing nuances and avoiding stereotypes is the best way to build any amount of social intelligence.  

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The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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2 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Bruh at least take a girl on a couple dates and try to build some type of a relationship before going straight to having sex. Hell for a lot of women, they want to be in a relationship first before even thinking about doing anything sexual. Men are like microwaves. They can heat up instantly. Women are like crock pots, it takes us some time. There isn't anything wrong with one night stands or sleeping with someone on the first date, but i guess my thing is have some patience. This isn't how a lot of scenarios work out. Often times you need to have some time for some type of emotional rapport to build with a woman. That doesn't mean you HAVE TO get into a committed relationship before having sex, but I guess I'm afraid of this type of message being taken to the extreme.

That's my whole thing with pick up. The messages there can easily be taken to the extreme if it isn't in the right context (at least from what I see) and that is especially the case with guys who spend all of their time behind a computer screen with little to no social skills period, forget about talking to the opposite sex. A lot of those guys don't know how to see nuances, because again, lack of social intelligence/ experience and that can get a lot of those people into trouble. And those extremes can easily paint women and female sexuality as a whole as some type of a caricature instead of viewing women as human with their own individual needs. I have talked to my friends about what we want in guys and almost after every conversation, regardless of what each of our individual preferences are, we realize that our bars are on the floor because ultimately we want a guy who will treat us with basic human respect (whether it is in a relationship or a hook up) so that we can trust the guy and feel safe.  

Go ahead, do whatever you want to attract women idk, just keep malicious intent out of it and view women as human instead of a body to add to your count. Ethical pick up if you will is necessary. And part of it is being careful of how things are phrased and not painting large groups of people with broad strokes. Seeing nuances and avoiding stereotypes is the best way to build any amount of social intelligence.  

Screenshot (90).png

What kind of girl would just fuck a guy randomly without even dinner 😅? Girls have free fucking will, they are not forced to bang the dude. They make the decision to sleep with the dude, they are the ones who set the bar! 

Edited by Khr

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9 minutes ago, Khr said:

What will significantly reduce the chance is stopping the victim mentality, rolling the sleeves, and working on herself. You can’t change how men act, and it is stupid to try to do so, you can only change yourself.

It's not victim mentality. I'm pointing out the issue with pick up culture. 

If I said that rape culture is a problem, then you can't say it's a woman's fault she got drunk and didn't take enough precautions. 

You're putting the cart before the horse. 

There are no victims here and no need to jump on the victim mentality bandwagon 

Also the whole idea that a woman is attracted to an asshole only because she had some past trauma is kinda old and cliche. She might have fallen for him because he is funny or charming or attractive. 

What I'm pointing out is not some victim, it's not about creating some extreme narrative here. 

I'm only pointing out the perspectives that men in pickup culture have and how that mindset doesn't help the woman having relationships with these men. 

I don't mind the attraction part, the only part where men think it's okay to manipulate women. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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5 minutes ago, Khr said:

What kind of girl would just fuck a guy randomly without even dinner ? 

I mean it was an exaggeration but I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that a lot of pick up prioritize racking up bodies rather than connecting to women and taking some time to get to know a woman. When you walk into a situation with the mentality of trying to get sex, women often shut down automatically because we are used to being approached in that way. Instead you need to be assertive and approach a woman with empathy and consideration first and foremost instead of immediately start thinking of getting to bed with her. I wouldn't be surprised it that is a lot of the reason why guys put girls they find attractive on a pedestal because they are so fixated on what they see as this unattainable sexual aspect of the situation instead of trying to get to know this girl like a normal person. 

On 1/16/2021 at 3:41 PM, Emerald said:

I feel that most men may have the impression that women have the upper hand in dating/relationships. That's true in the sense that you get a lot of male attention. But lots of male attention comes with A LOT of problems. Lots of men see you more as an idea and a drug than they see you as an actual human being.

So, there is a need to be on guard quite a bit. It's like if you were prone to attracting zombies (zombies being specifically men who are just looking for sex) and you just carry a big stick with you now everywhere you go to fight them off (the stick in the metaphor being the auto-reject response).


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

It's not victim mentality. I'm pointing out the issue with pick up culture. 

If I said that rape culture is a problem, then you can't say it's a woman's fault she got drunk and didn't take enough precautions. 

You're putting the cart before the horse. 

There are no victims here and no need to jump on the victim mentality bandwagon 

Also the whole idea that a woman is attracted to an asshole only because she had some past trauma is kinda old and cliche. She might have fallen for him because he is funny or charming or attractive. 

What I'm pointing out is not some victim, it's not about creating some extreme narrative here. 

I'm only pointing out the perspectives that men in pickup culture have and how that mindset doesn't help the woman having relationships with these men. 

I don't mind the attraction part, the only part where men think it's okay to manipulate women. 

 

This woman is an idiot to fall for a guy just because he is “funny charming and attractive”. All the assholes are funny charming and attractive. She needs to stop being dumb. “Charming” is a red flag for me of itself.

Yeah the rape example is totally out of context and added for dramatic effect here and is super toxic how you are mentioning it here.

Edited by Khr

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Just now, Khr said:

This woman is an idiot to fall for a guy just because he is “funny charming and attractive”. All the assholes are funny charming and attractive. She needs to stop being dumb. 

Yeah the rape example is totally out of context and added for dramatic effect here and is super toxic how you are mentioning it here.

Because it's toxic how you're trying to spin the whole thing into a victim narrative when the only objective is to show the problems in pickup and misconceptions and you're trying to make it out to be some women Empowerment lecture which is unnecessary. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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1 minute ago, Khr said:

This woman is an idiot to fall for a guy just because he is “funny charming and attractive”. All the assholes are funny charming and attractive. She needs to stop being dumb. 

I feel like unconscious pick up mainly works on women who are dumb, really naive, or are simply looking for NSA sex. There is a reason why most women don't respond to it and have an auto reject response. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Because it's toxic how you're trying to spin the whole thing into a victim narrative when the only objective is to show the problems in pickup and misconceptions and you're trying to make it out to be some women Empowerment lecture which is unnecessary. 

 

I am just following the arguments that you guys are making. Which is all full of victimhood. Go back and read them.

The problem is not the pickup culture, but the society itself and how disconnected humans are from each other. There is no camp division of males and females. Everyone has their problems. The pick up solution is not ideal, but a lot of men are suffering and pickup gives them a foot into the door. The problem will be solved when it’s solved at the root and not when the symptoms are masked. 

Edited by Khr

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I see a lot of stigmatized dogma and to much seriousness in getting laid on a first date. Is a natural thing, why being so much burocratic.

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20 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Bruh at least take a girl on a couple dates and try to build some type of a relationship before going straight to having sex. Hell for a lot of women, they want to be in a relationship first before even thinking about doing anything sexual.

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53 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

To get a relationship one must first get laid.

I understand some relationships indeed began like this. But I think most would agree that in most cases, it doesn't work like that.

Women need to feel safe, first and foremost. She needs time to get to know the guy.  Build some kind of emotional connection and familiarity. Then after she is sure he is fine and gets intuitive impression she will not be used by him, sex can take place.

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3 minutes ago, Khr said:

The pick up solution is not ideal, but a lot of men are suffering and pickup gives them a foot into the door. The problem will be solved when it’s solved at the root and not when the symptoms are masked. 

I think the only person trying to create victimhood out of nothing  is you. 

Pickup has both the good and the bad. It's good for men with social anxiety who use it to have better chances in social situations. Fair enough. In fact good enough. 

But there are men who think it's okay to manipulate women not because they're evil, but because of all the wrong things they learned from a dating coach on female sexuality and less understanding of what women want or what hurts them. 

By pointing it out, it helps these men to not make those mistakes again if they want to be able to keep a girlfriend and not get dumped. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I understand some relationships indeed began like this. But I think most would agree that in most cases, it doesn't work like that.

Women need to feel safe, first and foremost. She needs time to get to know the guy.  Build some kind of emotional connection and familiarity. Then after she is sure he is fine and gets intuitive impression she will not be used by him, sex can take place.

Yep. This is what needs to be taught. 

And this is what I meant. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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But also it's much harder than that. She wants to be entertained by some jokes every 6 minutes. I dont know how long I can do that. Than 


Like an eagle that thinks it's a chicken

You're a god that thinks it's an ape

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1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

I think the only person trying to create victimhood out of nothing  is you. 

Pickup has both the good and the bad. It's good for men with social anxiety who use it to have better chances in social situations. Fair enough. In fact good enough. 

But there are men who think it's okay to manipulate women not because they're evil, but because of all the wrong things they learned from a dating coach on female sexuality and less understanding of what women want or what hurts them. 

By pointing it out, it helps these men to not make those mistakes again if they want to be able to keep a girlfriend and not get dumped. 

 

Lol, so that is my point. If women want unconscious pickup to change - they need to stop falling for it. What’s a better way to teach those men?

Edited by Khr

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21 minutes ago, diamondpenguin said:

But also it's much harder than that. She wants to be entertained by some jokes every 6 minutes. I dont know how long I can do that. Than 

Then she is not right for you. 

I don't remember asking my boyfriend to entertain me every 6 mins. 

 


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

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1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Bruh at least take a girl on a couple dates and try to build some type of a relationship before going straight to having sex.

What I said does not contradict going on dates.

But there is no relationship until sex.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Bruh at least take a girl on a couple dates and try to build some type of a relationship before going straight to having sex. Hell for a lot of women, they want to be in a relationship first before even thinking about doing anything sexual. Men are like microwaves. They can heat up instantly. Women are like crock pots, it takes us some time. There isn't anything wrong with one night stands or sleeping with someone on the first date, but i guess my thing is have some patience. This isn't how a lot of scenarios work out. Often times you need to have some time for some type of emotional rapport to build with a woman. That doesn't mean you HAVE TO get into a committed relationship before having sex, but I guess I'm afraid of this type of message being taken to the extreme.

That's my whole thing with pick up. The messages there can easily be taken to the extreme if it isn't in the right context (at least from what I see) and that is especially the case with guys who spend all of their time behind a computer screen with little to no social skills period, forget about talking to the opposite sex. A lot of those guys don't know how to see nuances, because again, lack of social intelligence/ experience and that can get a lot of those people into trouble. And those extremes can easily paint women and female sexuality as a whole as some type of a caricature instead of viewing women as human with their own individual needs. I have talked to my friends about what we want in guys and almost after every conversation, regardless of what each of our individual preferences are, we realize that our bars are on the floor because ultimately we want a guy who will treat us with basic human respect (whether it is in a relationship or a hook up) so that we can trust the guy and feel safe.  

Go ahead, do whatever you want to attract women idk, just keep malicious intent out of it and view women as human instead of a body to add to your count. Ethical pick up if you will is necessary. And part of it is being careful of how things are phrased and not painting large groups of people with broad strokes. Seeing nuances and avoiding stereotypes is the best way to build any amount of social intelligence.  

Screenshot (90).png

I am not gonna lie, I wish I could take out Khloe Kardashian to dinner in order to bang her up her huge juicy sexy bubblebutt.

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