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About oMarcos

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  • Birthday 08/06/1993

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  1. I'm probably addicted to love rather than survival.
  2. I've always found this instrumental so magical.
  3. BRIEF Analysis of my dreamboard - shit together Important note to start: past, present and future memories are not in charge of any outcome that will arise - actions create the outcome. My sub-conscious mind craves and dreams essentially for: possible and already lost situations/ scenarios from the past, encounters with people from the past, recreations of past situations into the future. I need self-awareness for the fact that every thing that happens comes as new and never as the same it was. The only thing that matters is how Alert I am in the present to create a good guidance. I am just dreaming all of this, the dream is so constant and persistent, my mind and body feels stuck in the past memories, is afraid to live in the present and plan a new different out-come future, ego is afraid to let go the past, wants to control the future based on the past - error As the mind trys to manipulate the future using the past, essentially what will happen is a huge self-sabottage and inertia, because the mind fools herself that nothing needs to be done, the body and mind craves the past and are loyal to it, any change is a threat - a threat for the loss/ death of my personal bias. I am afraid of a meaningless life, maybe this fear is exactly what I need, loss of meaning for new creation. What are the primary things my mind cares for: emotional validance and support from other people, connection and mutual-understanding, since I am currently lacking this, I have no other choice than do it myself or literally die (and I really mean physical death). I believe a time comes for everyone when we need to face our own loneliness for good, to look at it, it's scary and evil, dark, nothing seems to work-out, the mind dependence is too strong, every human being is raised by others, we need other people, it's one of the roots of the human nature necessitys, it can't be denied, but when it is denied, then i can at least remember that I am not my body (hope this saves me). Dreamboard: Do some service to others in a creative manner (I will explore this later, but AudioPodcasts is a start), engage in social activities to help others, being independent (move to lisbon, new house, new job and cook for myself). What am I afraid of? Feeling alone in this giant process, no one to tell me "you are doing well, I'm so proud of you", I need this belief to drop out of the window, I am not doing this for anyone, I am doing this to grow, and I can't stop growing just because I have no crowd. Eventually I am a bit sad to leave my family, but the new city is so close that I can see them at least one time per month, which is enough. What is this whole thing about? Moving out of the house of my parents is my next big step of self-improvement, it's scary, I have already done it in the past but it was in different situations, I was studying abroad. But this next move-out is the most serious. I can't fall into this traps: Having a 9 to 5 job will eventually not be enough to keep my self uplifted, that's why I need to engage in some kind of group and social activity, I need to GIVE something, if I am doing all this to myself I will feel worthless, I need to feel that I am needed to someone, the kind of feeling of wanting to take care of a child, but not exactly a child. But before being needed for others, I need myself, and I need myself first, need to deal with this. In a big city, we need to take care of ourselves, but this constant routine makes people totally blinded in egotism, I will strive to creat some sort of creative balance towards this. My Expenses will mainly be for food, appartment and healthy social activities, and eventually small travels around the country. What is my current blockage to achieve this dreamboard? Lack of motivation, I can't predict the out come, so the mind gets lazy "(why the effort if I don't even know the out come?" The mind wants to make sure that know how everything will unfold, if not, gets scared. What gives me motivation to achieve this dreamboard? Since I can't predict the outcome (and this is a huge turn off for my ego- mind), what gives me motivation is the new energies and possibilites that will arise, even if I don't have a single clue of what will happen, something will indeed happen and that's enough. The important thing I need to focus is the renewall of my self-worth and not expect any out come. I really feel that visualization could be useful, but I really feel that It just drains my energy off, I can't really predict. There is a conflict between visualization and false-expectations that could creat disapointment. I just want things to unfold. Uncertainty scares me, but seems the most reasonable path. I need inspiration.
  4. Emotional Dependence is not my life purpose. Life Purpose in taking responsability for my own actions towards self-realization, let the results speak for themselves and don't expect any outcome. I am the first and last person responsible for my own emotions. People and various situations are not in my control and I must accept the imparmanence of life and don't be dismovated by that, the universe must take his route either good or bad my current worldview state is, and I have the power to take command in the direction, I must assume the command, nobody else will command for myself. Other people are not in charge to uplift me, I am the one who is doing the uplift (they just take the apreciation of my upliftings). Do it for yourself even when no one is watching.
  5. Audio Podcast Ideas: What are the most fundamental things I wanna talk about? I must say, I want to talk about mudane things that everyone can relate to, regular things that happen to me and others will feel related. I have already an Intro sound for each Audio Podcast topic. Mainly, each podcast will be heard with the opening, and then I will talk openly as long as it takes. The creative process of the audio podcasts will be very natural, I will not plan them, I will just grab my phone, take same walks, and speak whatever it cames to my mind effortlessly, just going with the flow. This is also a useful exercise for my meditation practices, just being able to breath with the flow and to not make my thoughts interfere with the breathing process. It's all connected. What may seem a very cliché and shallow thing to make, might be exactly what I need right now for my life.
  6. I'm feeling moving towards my most ideal self-expression creative method - Audio Podcasts, I can't wait to start spit fire. I've always wanted to make people laugh, to make my voice being noticed for what it says, rather than how I look. I feel such a relief in being this comfortable to make this happen, I don't fear judgment anymore, I'll just do it. At first, I will mainly create mini podcasts for instagram story's to see how it goes, I just feel a rush of adrenaline to just think about it!! I definitely want to create, I definitely want to make laugh, I definitely want to share. It's my pleasure to be sharing in my journal how this creative process will unfold and evolve from time to time. No more excuses.
  7. Disintegration
  8. I've been living waiting for something, waiting for something, it will never come. Accept this.
  9. Beautiful movie. It's also about how we are locked-in to play the same ficitonal role on daily-basis, and being afraid of taking risks.
  10. hard to swallow pill: no matter how self-developed we are, we are always going to be rejected by someone else's self-bias and own belliefs. I've been living in so much fear. I admit that, I've been losing a lot because of my fears, but my fears also give me the right guidance to choose what is the best for me, I'm not complaining either. But with so much shit outside of this world, we are better most of times in our own bubbles. I've never intended to prove anything to anyone, I just want to be genuine and authentic without being affected by external negative influences, I want to choose and to live within my own psycochosm.
  11. this is gold, thank you for sharing @DrewNows