Bjorgan

Lacking a masculine frame

20 posts in this topic

I've come to a realization lately that I haven't had a lot of strong, conscious and empathetic masculine leadership in my life. Details aside, does anyone know where I can find a spot to be around healthy, integrated masculinity? What that looks like for me wilp be something unique, but opinions are welcome.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Bjorgan Watch different kinds of people (both men and women) on YouTube, from extremely macho to extremely beta, and start taking notes. Record what you find most masculine vs. what you find most feminine, and what you find most attractive vs. what you find most unattractive. Make a list with two categories that include something vs. its opposite and contemplate the different dynamics that you can perceive. And then research the things you want to add into your life, and add them. It's not difficult, it just needs time and decent observation skills.

Edited by Gesundheit

If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Bjorgan It's hard to find healthy masculinity it's usually mixture and it's on you to take the good stuff and throw away the rest. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm talking about places I can go to have face to face, grounded, direct experiences. My direction in life is about being grounded. Watching videos is educational, but doesn't offer direct support or insight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is something I'm extremely passionate about. My biggest second biggest recommendation is Dr. Robert glover and No More Mr. Nice Guy/a "nice guy" group if you can find one. But the book gives you a good blueprint.

https://www.sacredsons.com/  looks interesting and is a spiritual take on things, but I haven't tried a workshop or anything. Ultimately I'm skeptical of a weekend getaway. You need community in your life.

Biggest recommendation, bar none, is a men's group. You can often find them at local churches or community centers, may not even be religiously oriented. It's huge to have a safe space to be emotional as a man and talk about men's issues in a healthy way. It feels so natural to lean on eachother as brothers, almost tribal in a way. It's not supposed to be women's job to carry our loads.

If you can't find one, start one! A guy I knew from a dance community had started one. We just opened with a 3-5 minute share. Of "what is really alive for you right now." No endless list of tasks, no discussion of others' problems, what are YOU going through to the extent you're willing to share. Try to name emotions. And the main rule was, and this is huge, "take full responsibility for your experience." No "no one likes me," say "I feel like/I perceive that no one likes me." No "she stresses me out so much," say "I feel stressed when she does x." Own your projections, express your feelings. Final rule is everything is private and not to be brought up to anyone outside of men's group without permission. Definitely not to be shared. Afterwards we'd go for a swim or chill in the hottub and pass around a stone to talk one at a time. The talking stick is useful for sharing too, no one should be jumping in or dominating discussion. We'd offer support, encouragement, solidarity, mostly just a listening ear. I never went to one where someone didn't cry their eyes out. It's really healing and freeing. We'd start with a meditative exercise for a minute or two as well.

Anyways, best of luck brother.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/8/2020 at 9:09 AM, Bjorgan said:

I've come to a realization lately that I haven't had a lot of strong, conscious and empathetic masculine leadership in my life. Details aside, does anyone know where I can find a spot to be around healthy, integrated masculinity? What that looks like for me wilp be something unique, but opinions are welcome.

sorry to inform you of this but you are going to need the Wim Hof method with the cold showers 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/8/2020 at 9:15 AM, Preety_India said:

OZQZ16Bw_o.png

Leo transcended masculinity in 2018

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Nak Khid

Leo is very masculine. 

Look at his eyes. 

You can't see it because you aren't a girl. 

You need a girl to spot the masculine in a man. 

At the same time Leo has a soft spot for some feminine subtle qualities. 

:D

How can a Russian not be masculine.... xD


INTP loner....... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. 

Preety preety

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This may sound cliche but I'm actually so grateful that I had grandfathers from the WWII generation. So glad I'm old enough to have been around and influenced by them before they died. It's like the ENTIRE generation were MEN. Men of faith, service, sacrifice, family, hard work, doing things the right way, etc.

Glad I grew up with a father and a grandfather.

It's sad that there are so many fatherless boys out there. That's the problem.

Blame single moms lol. Just kidding single moms. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/8/2020 at 11:09 PM, Bjorgan said:

I've come to a realization lately that I haven't had a lot of strong, conscious and empathetic masculine leadership in my life. Details aside, does anyone know where I can find a spot to be around healthy, integrated masculinity?

Congrats! You've already taken the first two biggest steps towards a solution: realization and intent

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/7/2020 at 9:35 PM, Forestluv said:

Meditation and yoga centers

can you explain how yoga and meditation can help somebody to develop  a missing part of his personality?

To embrace masculinity you have to be in contact to somebody who has this characteristics, a referent, and you wont find that closed in a meditation center.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Bjorgan Why not be your own solid masculine frame? Having external role models is nice but there's no reason you can't manifest yourself to be the sort of presence you see lacking in the world.


“All you need is Love” - John Lennon

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now