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About Jai

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  1. Jan 26 A pretty solid day today. Good habits except for hit snooze and checked a little too much internet on my phone. Good thing happened someone I knew in high school messaged me which was nice. A couple years ago I saw him and apologized for being a dick to him, I only saw him quick so it wasn't a big exchange. Anyway, he said today he didn't really remember me being a dick so that was good. I definitely was kinda a dick so I'm glad we're cool. Funny how things work out like this. I should stop worrying about stuff from years ago. Went for a nice walk when it was snowing out. That was nice. Work went pretty well - I also need to not worry there. Just keep up my effort, practice service and be patient. I'm working toward good things. Good spiritual practice today also. So a solid day all around. Really the only negative in general is a little bit of monotony. I have a strong routine, but not too much excitement really. I'm missing hiking from the summer. Missing nice days and it being sunny late. I feel kind of isolated sometimes. So going skiing this weekend that will be good. Have thought a bit about skiing some more. But during the week I also need something from time to time to be a little more exciting. + Spiritual practice: put in an hour today. Solid hour of prayer, meditation, breathwork. Good effort. + Attitude of service: Outward energy, not stuck in self, trying to be helpful. + Mental and emotional states: generally good. But need to work on staying more grateful. So I wasn't negative, but i want to live in gratitude. + Life habits: All pretty good, except not waking up on first alarm and a little too much phone. Still lots of discipline. Want to clean those up though. Moved forward today.
  2. Jan 25 Good day all around, even though life is seeming a little monotonous now. Once again I think it's a product of winter. I'm not out as much and not hiking. So with all the studying I'm doing sometimes things just seem really monotonous. But for the most part everything is good. I have a pretty good attitude at work but should work on not getting caught up in things. Just have a really measured and healthy perspective. Also, can't get discouraged by how far away my goals seem, just focus on all the great progress I'm making. Plus live in gratittude. Things are going pretty well and I have a lot to be happy about. So it's good for me to focus on all that is going well and just keep the connection with God. That's the real key. Even with as much as i'm doing it's easy to not be grateful. So gotta watch out for that. + Spiritual practice: good monday session. Solid 30 minutes in the morning, plus 15 at lunch. It's really nice knowing this chant now. I'm glad I put in the effort and have it down. Now it's just really perfecting it and gaining more confidence. + Attitude of service: Good here. Tried to be helpful at work. Good outward energy in general, although in afternoon I slipped a little bit into worrying about myself and the future. + Mental and emotional states: Again, pretty good but not as optimistic or energized as I'd like. Not bad but a little worry after work. + Life habits: Actually really good. Cold shower today was extra invigorating. Really just felt the rush. It's so hard to get in but once I'm in my body adapts pretty good. The hard part is talking myself into it every day. Other habits were good. Moved forward today.
  3. Jan 24 Not really my best day in habits. Was kind of a lazy off day. I did get some studying done which was good. But I also didn't do a long meditation session, I ate some junk food like chips and pretzels and didn't exercise. Wasn't a horrible day but felt kind of like an off or recovery day. That's okay though. Week is tomorrow and I can go as hard as I can. Week I usually have really high energy. This week is good because I only work 4 days. Gonna code a lot on Friday when I'm off and go ski on Saturday. Also going to try to code on Sunday. Today I felt a little off with my connection and positivity. Had a little doubt for the first time in a bit. So that was different. A little doubt about the future and not making enough money now, a little fear or regret mixed in as well. Instead of being in gratitude. So I can have these days and not have them derail me. It's day at a time over the long haul. I am building something nice so of course it will take time. Just got to keep the main thing the main thing and have faith. I did watch some football with friends which was good. Good to hang out sometimes. / Spiritual practice: okay but not up to my high standard. Just did a morning meditation. Normally I have more significant effort here. Not bad, but not as good as usual. + Attitude of service: Okay, did a couple small things, but not really strong outward energy. So okay but not where I want it to be. / Mental and emotional states: Not horrible but I did have doubt and some fear. Good thing is it didn't really throw me off. But I wasn't as connected and vibrant as usual. / Life habits: Not horrible, still got up early, still got some studying in. But also made compromises on my diet. So want to improve that for this week. Neutral day, kinda moved forward with coding, but overall don't feel like it was a clear day of progress. Didn't move backwards, but the lower energy, lower connection, a little doubt and making compromises on diet kind of cancel out the good things. So neutral.
  4. Jan 23 Solid day today. Got up early and then studied. Then I hung with a friend all day. We did a bunch of meditation and did some spiritual review of ourselves and chatted. Great day. Glad to have people walking the same path as me and growing toward God. I really put all of the time today to good use. Glad I got up early to get some studying done. And also really present to hang with my friend. Not at all disturbed or drawn toward other things. A big topic of today was avoiding fear and living in God's presence and having faith. Easier said than done. It's easy to fall in to fear. It's easy to live in the future also and postpone happiness and well being. Good thing is over the past 9 months or so I've been going really strong. I've had times of weakness and have fallen in to fear but I've lived in faith more than ever. My relationship with God is stronger than ever. I feel like I'm on a nice path. And I've had more discipline than ever also, it's not being driven or motivated, it's just inviting God into my life and cleaning things up. Living really clean is the reward. + Spiritual practice: Solid here. Not the normal day. Really set aside most of the day to spiritual activity. It was like a mini-retreat. Great idea to do these once in awhile. + Attitude of service: Available to my friend and willing to be helpful. Good outward energy and not stuck in self. + Mental and emotional states: where I want to be. Solidly on the positive side of the spectrum. Free from negative thoguths and emotions like doubt, regret, fear, worry, self pity, etc. Also not preocupied with work or other concerns. Able to enjoy a day off. + Life habits: Solid. Got up at 4:00. Studied. Walked in to a cold shower. Cleaned my apartment some. All really good stuff. Moved forward today.
  5. Jan 22 Another solid day. I'm on a nice streak. Starting out the year pretty strong. My habits are solid, I'm on nice retention streak also so my sexual energy is high. It feels good to be on a streak after going back to porn a handful of times over the previous months. I'm making good progress and want to focus on progress. That keeps me feeling good. My goals are far away, and I got a nice vision for myself in the future. But I can't postpone well being and connection in the present. So the future is important but so is what I'm doing now. And I'll never stay motivated if I postpone happiness and well being. So I have to do what I'm doing now well and enjoy it and live life. Other than that I ended up buying a camera. Will arrive in a couple weeks. So I'm getting into photography. That is my new hobby. I have seen photos by people who are in to it and it seems cool. Plus I also want to take some nice photos of myself. Gonna use it to do that and use them for online dating also. I haven't been too motivated to put effort in to that but now I will. Plus I can document all of the cool things I'll do over the next 10 years with a nice camera. So it's an expensive hobby, but over time I think it will be worth it. Other than that have had some good God connection recently. I really want to keep that up. My effort in my spiritual practice is good, so just can't back off of that. + Spiritual practice: Definitely solid here. Such a natural part of my life. I really look forward to my spiritual sessions. + Attitude of service: tried to be helpful at work as best I could. Good outward energy and not stuck in self. + Mental and emotional states: Optimistic, connected, participating in life. I had a nice walk on lunch and really had a clear sense of God's presence. A nice serenity but also heightened perception, just an awareness. I keep getting these nice hints that I'm on the right path. + Life habits: Good today, living really clean and staying on top of habits. Cold showers are great, but I always have some mental pushback to fight through to talk myself in to it. I also have organized my apartment really nicely. Everything has its place and I'm always keeping it really clean. A lot of this has to do with sleeping on the floor and just really liking the empty zen space of everyting. So hope to keep this up. Moved forward today.
  6. Jan 21 Really solid day today. I had some good God connection on my walk during lunch. Really felt at peace. Felt positive and like I'm on the track of something good. So just got to keep investing in God. Really live out of faith. My daily spiritual practice had been the foundation of everything, been doing this for 9 months now day in and day out. The results are so clear. If i really put God first and really put time into meditation, prayer, review, service, etc then I end up in a good spot. Most of the time feel connected and free from fear, doubt, worry, regret, etc. So there is no going back, I have to stay commited to a spiritual practice indefinitely, why would I want to go back? This gives me the best results and best life. Best thing is I'm super busy and still have time. I work 40 hours a week and I study 18 hours a week. I put in a bunch of time for God also and that's what makes having so much to do possible. + Spiritual practice: good job with chanting. Almost totally done. Prayer and meditation was good also. + Attitude of service: good at work. Tried to be helpful. Good outward energy. Not stuck in self all day. Keep need to remind myself that I need to focus on service and contributing. + Mental and emotional states: Really strong, free from resentment, really turned that around. Optimistic, positive, good vitality and focus. + Life habits: all good but stayed in bed an extra 20 minutes. But still living really clean. Moved forward today.
  7. Jan 20 Had a solid day today. Bounced back. Wasn't in resentment which was good. Had some minor frustration but didn't throw me off. So improved vitality, had really good habits, was positive and optimistic. Hung out with a friend also and did a meditation. Had 55 minutes of total meditation/prayer time. Also decided to buy a camera. It's expensive but I think it will add to my life and be a nice hobby. I've been on the fence about this since saving money is really important to me also. I'm really frugal and live really basic. I'm such a minamalist. But some things really can add value. I have some nice clothes, a nice computer and I like these. So having a nice camera will also be a benefit. Got to plan to use it on the regular and get into this and photo editing and have a nice hobby. Plus it's nice to take good photos of things I do, friends, family, myself, etc. So I can use it to document all the nice things in my life. Over 10 years the price probably isn't that much if i use it all the time. Same thing with my computer, expensive but totally worth it. So just got to make the right decision on which camera. + spiritual practice: good here. Really nice robust sessions. High quality. Chanting feels so good now that I know the chant! Now I just have to do it on the daily and perfect it. + Attitude of service: Good actions and good attitude. wasn't resentful or frustrated, just looking to help. Felt more relaxed at work. Got to remember not to get drawn in to conflict or getting upset. + Mental and emotional states: Good todya. Not thrown off. Nice and where I'm supposed to be. Good mental clarity and focus, better phone habits also. Need to stay away from checking my phone. Kept my phone away while I'm at home. + Life habits: Good also. Really clean living. Got up early worked out all throughout the day. all good habits and clean living. Moved forward today.
  8. Jan 19 Solid day but have felt a bit down over the last couple of hours. All good actions today, but I was resentful with a coworker today. It was noticeable and it's been a little while since I felt that way. So getting resentful is my problem. Good thing is I recognized it right away. At lunch I did a nice medittation and walk outside to switch up my reaction. Definitely a good thing to do. So I can be happy I recognized it and tried to get rid of the resentment. Nothing will make me more disastisfied at work then being upset with coworkers. My success at this job really depends on me having good relationships and not being upset. So something I can always work on. Good news is also I haven't felt this way in awhile. Hopefully a long time until I feel that way again. After work though I've felt a little bummed. Partly because of not a lot to do after work and just being stuck in my house some. So that is definitely a factor. Another thing is that I'm not sure about buying a nice professional camera. I think I'd like to get in to photography some, but cameras cost a lot of money. So I'm questioning whether it's worth it. So I can't really make a decision. Also just kinda bummed by a lack of a dating life which I've complained about before. Problem is online dating feels like a distraction and feels inauthentic and I'm not really in to a lot of the girls on htere that I see. But I do think having a girl in my life would be a positive thing, so I also kind of feel like it's something I should end up doing. So also some disatisfaction there. So gonna get a good nights sleep and put forth some good effort tommorow. + Spiritual practice: Good effort today. It's nice to know this chant. It feels good to chant it and have it almost finished. + Attitude of service: Did a good job getting some things done today at work for others. Apart from being resentful had a good outward orientation. But after work got stuck in inner turmoil some. Some times after work i think I should jsut go for a drive to the grocery store to pick somehtng up, walk around and get out of the house. - Mental and emotional states: Really good most of the day, but kind of got down after work. Partly because of distracted internet use. And partly because of other factors like being stuck at home and not having anythign planned to do after work. Tomorrow I got a friend coming over to hang and meditate which is good. / Life habits: This was good here except for internet use. Just wandering around on youtube or looking at dumb articles is not for me. Need to be purposeful on the internet. Still moved forward today even though felt a bit down after work.
  9. Jan 18 Good day today but I felt a little flat footed. Not as energized as on a normal monday. Maybe it was becasue I studied a bunch this weekend and should've taken a bit more time off. Or could just be an off day. Regardless my actions and habits were good. I also never rreally fell in to negativity which is good. So even though I felt a bit lower energy than normal I kept a good internal orientation toward positivity and faith. Beyond that on a good streak off retention, and have really high discipline. I'm taking cold showers daily, usually almost all cold with a little heat at the end, then finish cold. Started sleeping on the floor which has also worked out well. Getting up early, etc. And all of this isn't forced. It's really coming from God. The more I turn to God the better different areas of my life become. Also been thinking about getting in to photography as a new hobby. I think it would be cool. Only hting holding me back is how expensive the camera is. Camera definitely is a big investment. So I want to decide on that. But if it's omething that adds a lot of value to my life it would probably be worth it. So have to consider and then commit. + Spiritual practice: Good effort. good morning session. Good chanting session at lunch. So i got this 10 minute pali chant basically down. Just a final bit that is a closing section to learn. It was nice today to do the whole thing except for the closing section of a few lines. So happy of my work. Going to enjoy knowing it and saying it. + Attitude of service: Great example today. Was helpful to a coworker. Helped her troubleshoot a tech problem without getting frustrated or upset. Just had a good attitude. So want to keep this up. + Mental and emotional states: Good. Even though I wsn't as energized I was still in a good place. + life habits: also good. Happy about that. Looking to keep this up this week. Moved forward today.
  10. Jan 17 Really positive day. Had like an hour meditation/reflection/prayer session this morning. On top of journaling. Cleaned my apartment some. Went for a nice bike ride. Studied coding some. So all around a productive nice day off. Felt really connected overall. Had a nice spiritual conversation with a friend. The bike ride was with other people who were roller blading. I really feel the presence of God in my life. The more i invest in God the more I feel like life is going to work out. The more I live in faith the better results I get as well. I'm just better engaged and better off. So ready to start the week. I know sooner or later difficulty will come. But that's okay as long as I stay close to God and put in good spiritual effort. + Spiritual practice: Really solid. Great morning session. So two epic weekend sessions. + Attitude of service: good outward energy. Felt like a contributor. + Mental and emotional states: In a good spot. Didn't really think about porn which is good. So a couple weak days with that has passed. Was pretty optimistic. Got some studying done but didn't worry about forcing myself to do it. Still had plenty of time for other good things also. + Life habits: Pretty good also. good examples of good things that add to my life instead of take away. Thats the thing with habits, want to keep things positive and beneficial. Moved forward today.
  11. Jan 16 Had a really nice start to the day today. Day off so slept in till 6:30 lol. Actually got a lot of sleep since I went to bed at 8:30. Had a great morning practice. Just no boundaries on time. Put in 1 hour 15 minutes in breathwork, meditation, prayer, chanting, japa. Then went on a walk and listened to a spiritual podcast. Really strong way to start the day. Had a good session coding, 4 hours doing that. Finished a project and I'm happy with the results. Really only negative is I've been tempted from time to time with watching porn. I've been on retention almost 2 weeks so my sexual energy is high. I definitely feel some good benefit from this. But also feel a bit lonely and discouraged from time to time. I keep talking about online dating, but I got to commit and actually get some decent photos together and then commit some time to it. Thinking about getting in to photography as a hobby anyway. Only thing holding me back is it's an expensive hobby since i have to buy a camera. But pretty solid day overall. + Spiritual pracitce: This is the type of weekend session I like, just an open ended reflection time. Great effort here. + Attitude of service: Pretty good here. Good outward energy. Not stuck in self. + Mental and emotional states: Where I should be, not in fear or doubt or self pity or worry. Just felt pretty connected and optimistic and dialed in. I'm on a nice streak and want to keep this up. + Life habits: All good except for ate some chips when I was watching football at my friends house. Need to drop the snacking altoghether. Tomorrow: I want to get some journaling in. That's been something I haven't done in awhile. Moved forward today.
  12. Jan 15 Had a really nice day off. I ended up coding for 6.5 hours and made good progress. Still new so learned how to branch in github and kept working on javascript stuff. Today felt nice, made good progress and I've come pretty far considering I didn't know much starting out. It's a nice hobby and I think it will lead to good things in the future. Beyond that solid day with habits, energy, effort. Spritiual practice was really strong. I did a 40 minute breathwork and meditation session in the morning. 30 of that devoted to meditation and prayer. It makes such a difference having 30 minutes instead of 20. I don't feel rushed and I can go really deep. Honestly the sweet spot is probably 40 -45 minutes. But on work days hard to manage that. Really only low spot is that in the late afternoon / evening thought about porn some. Just kinda discouraged with online dating in this small city. I keep talking about putting a little effort in there. Anyway, the porn is a threat to all of the discipline and clean living i have. I'm really riding a nice wave and feeling really connected and I know that that can disconnect me and leave me distracted and with low vitality. Anyway, that was out there today alos. + Spiritual practice: Really solid. Really nice meditation, best one in a long time. + Attitude of service: Was willing to help a friend even though he didn't need it. Jumped at the opportunity to be helpful. He got a flat and I was going to give him a ride but it turns out the garage could fix his car kinda quick. But I'm happy that I was so willing to help. Got to keep the service instinct up. + Mental and emotional states: All good except for being tempted by porn. Really felt positive and connected and in a place of faith all day. Just where I want to be. I don't want to worry about the worlds problmes, I just want to keep deepening my relationship and reliance on God and contribute. + Life habits: Really good and clean. Moved forward.
  13. Jan 14 Good day today also. Was really productive. Ended up studying 3 hours and got an extra hour in. Made some pretty good progress at work also. Also today I was a little frustrated at work from time to time. Not horrible but always something to look out for. I do a good job countering it, but I want to avoid it altogether. Just stay in gratitude instead. Keep an attitude of service. Today had good energy and optimism and am just doing a lot but it feels sustainable. I really stepped up and have adapted well. + Spiritual practice: Got ready a little quicker got a 30 minute morning session in. Plus 15 minutes on lunch. Good God connection today. Keep this going. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy, trying to be helpful, trying to contribute and work hard. Not stuck in self today. + Mental and emotional states: Strong throughout the day. Only negative is I thought about porn for a bit. Feeling a bit lonely so soon I'll put some effort in dating. Been on a good streak of retention so I see the benefits, porn just unplugs me and makes me feel distracted. So want to stay away. + Life habits: pretty good. Living a life of discipline and my spiritual practice and connection with God is the source.
  14. Jan 13 Solid day for sure. I felt some frustration at work though. Just some things didn't go right and I recognized the frustration. Also recognized the frustration with others. So not good. I need to be seperated from results and keep my focus on service and keeping an internal strength and peace. So something to work on. Good news was I really kept up with things and my effort is good. Also being helpful, but I have to watch the internal state I'm in and avoid frustration, resentment, anxiety, etc. Beyond that I want to get my meditation up a little bit more, journal when I have the free time, and just overall keep oriented toward performance. The no porn is going good, definitely want to get back to the place i was at when I didn't watch porn for over a year. So good momentum there. Also been doing retention for 10 days and I feel my energy level is good. I want to keep this streak going also. I want my real focus to be on finding a girl to date. So will be putting some effort in here. + Spiritual practice: Good. Typical work day of up early and getting a morning session in. Also had a nice lunch session. + Attitude of service: overall good, but for a moment during the day I fell into a little frustration and was getting upset with others. Got to be on the look out for that. + Mental and emotional states: Generally pretty good today except for the little frustration. Excited about things in general and still on offense. + Life habits: Good here. So important to live clean. Even sleeping on the floor now. I've been getting some great sleep on the floor. Something about discipline and renunciation that gives off a certain pleasure and energy. Moved forward today.
  15. Jan 12 Really solid day today. Was playing on offense today. Felt really good. Had good energy and connection. Handled situations well. Was helpful at work, wasn't stressed and just tried to contribute. Had real positivity and optimism, wasn't in fear and self pity. Idea is to keep the momentum going and not let off the gas. Just keep really clean habits and trying to connect with God. Good news is I'm feeling more comfortable at work. I've been here about 8 months so I'm not really new any more. I'm seen as contributing and that I really give good effort. There is still a lot to learn with the database but there is a lot I already understand. So I'm in a good position. The key is really just trying to do service. I'm not really out to prove anything or have an agenda, I kinda just want be helpful. + Spiritual practice: Still a priority and putting it first. Didn't do my chanting and japa because I went on a walk and listened to a spiritual podcast at lunch. + Attitude of service: Good today, good outward energy. Tried to be helpful. Not stuck in self or my own problems. + Mental and emotional states: Playing on offense, right where I want to be. Optimistic and positive. + Life habits: Good things here. Moved forward today.