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About Jai

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  1. Sep 26 A good day even though I felt a little sluggish at times. I didn't have the strong motivation or energy that I've been used to having. I felt a little doubt about my computer course and the progress I'm making. I also went into a little fear over the future and money and what I'm going to do. Fortnunatley I didn't stay here long. Hopefully tomorrow I have a really strong start to the day and get back being more confident. It's just that this computer coding course is difficult and sometimes I get a little frustrated or overwhelmed and the goal feels far in the future. I should feel pretty good though becasue I made a ton of progress this past week and hit all my goals. I think a good strategy is focus on the day and make it the best possible and hit weekly goals. A medium term goal is really just to pass this first assessment. I'm hoping that is not too far in the future. I really want to get that accomplished and feel good about passing the first course. To do this I've been thinking about continuing to practice celibacy and to really harness the sexual energy. When I have this energy I do feel more energized and more focused. It's just that it ends up feeling really difficult at times to do this. Such a challenge. For now I have a nice retention streak going and would like to keep this up. My other habits also benefit from this energy. This is really the toughest thing to bring under discipline and control. All around a pretty good day though. No major deviations and felt pretty decent, just not at the level I've been at most of the time. It shows how I usually operate at a pretty nice level. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session as always. Gonna sit and do another session here shortly Attitude of service* Cleaned up the house which was good. Roomate will notice that. Also had pretty decent outward energy for the most part. Mental and emotional states* Kind of neutral today. Not really on offense, but not on defense either. Just kind of in the middle. I'd like to get back on offense tomorrow and put the pressure on the other team. Come out and have a good start to the week and get a bunch done and live life to the fullest. Sex energy* Had some impure thoughts today. Had a pretty graphic dream last night and then was in lustful thinking a couple of times today. Still kept the retention streak going but I have to watch the thought world I operate in. Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower today. I've really been embracing the cold water lately. There will be mental pushback always but once I'm in the water and my body adapts after like 30-45 seconds I start to feel really good Eat clean* Good diet today, but didn't eat my plate of raw veggies like alwasy. Phone & computer habits* Pretty good, not on my phone all that much Exercise* Really nice bike ride. My hill climbing is getting better Moved forward today
  2. Sep 25 Day off today. Had a nice meditation session and hang out session with a friend. Good to catch up with him and chat. We're both on similar trajectories so it's nice to hang with someone like that. Also had a really nice morning spiritual session. Got some errands done and did some service. Only negative thing really was lustful thinking. I went to the beach and saw some pretty girls and lost focus and clarity. There is definitely something I can notice when I'm really focused and have a really clear mind adn then the whole tone of my mental space shifts once I have some lustful thinking like that. And it's not like I think being attracted to women or having sex with women is wrong. Just that if I'm in a phase of really having high disicpline in this area even a small thing like this shfits the mental direction and space I'm in. So that was noticeable. Daily spiritual practice* A couple of nice sessions. This continues to be the foundation Attitude of service* Good here. Good outward energy, generally helpful. Mental and emotional states* Mostly good. Definitely positive and in a good spot. Really the only negative was the lustful thinking that threw me off. Sex energy* Definitely at a higher level so I really have to keep discipline here if I'd like to keep a retention streak going Cold exposure* Really nice morning shower. I had good concentration and good motivation Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Better today Exercise* Went for a bike ride Moved forward today
  3. Sep 24 Another good day. Good effort overall. Glad I have tomorrow off and I'm taking a rest day to reenergize for next week. I definitely put in good effort all week and made good progress. Today was mostly all positive but later in the day I felt some doubt about my trajectory and felt a little old to be learning something new. These are definitely thoughts to challenge and defeat. Whatever I do I want to come from a place of faith and confidence. That's where I've been most of the time. So this was a rare thought for this week. Most of the time I'm on offense. The big thing is to get back to trusting God in moments like these and look at all the daily progress I'm making which is considerable. If what I'm doing takes time then fine I'm at least going to keep putting in effort. Big thing is to keep my days solid and to keep God first. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session here. Attitude of service* Good here. Found an opportunity at a meeting to cut cake and pass out the cake. I jumped at this opportunity which is good. I like being on my toes for opportunities to serve. Mental and emotional states* Good here for the most part. One small lapse into doubt. But really felt connected at times today. Sex energy* Good. Day 8 on the retention streak. Keeping this area of life clean is so important. If I fall short here I feel the repercusions and my overall well being dips. So this is a priority. And it's really the only thing that will lead to a really off day. So if I keep this clean my other habits are good enough and predictable enough that I pretty much always have solid days. This is the thing that will throw me off course. With this it's also important to keep my mind focused and not distracted. Every time I go somewhere I also need to be focused to not be checking out girls or being distracted. Harnessing this energy is so valuable because it's such a strong force Cold exposure* Nice shower. Really had good focus. Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Good for the most part but could improve Exercise* Nice bike ride, good stretching. Moved forward today
  4. Sep 23 Another really solid day. I felt connected pretty much all day. Had a really nice spiritual practice. Was really productive and had good habits. And avoided lustful thinking. So that was a win today. I definitely was playing on offense today. I got 7 hours of intent and focused studying in which I'm proud of. Today was day 7 of the nice streak that I'm on. I want to keep this momentum up and keep putting in good effort. Not too much else to say. When I have solid days everything aligns and I feel good purpose. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session, good way to start the day Attitude of service* Good here. Trying to be helpful. Good outward energy, not stuck in my own problems. Mental and emotional states* Really solid here. Was in the positive neighborhood all day. Want to keep this up here and avoid fear, doubt, regret, self-pity, anxiety, jealousy, etc. When I'm there I want to drag people down. It's better to be positive and lift people up. Sex energy* Good here. Had nice benefit from the retention streak. Day 7 on that. Really good job avoiding lustful thinking. I really kept good focus and avoided being distracted. That's definitely where it starts. This next week will be a challenge as the energy gets stronger Cold exposure* Really nice here. Good cold shower even though the water isn't really all that cold compared to winter water. Still always some mental push back. Eat clean* Good here. Really nice diet. Phone & computer habits* Better, but still get stuck mindlessly checking my phone. I want to eliminate that entirely Exercise* Good here. Really solid bike ride today. moved forward today
  5. Daily spiritual practice* Attitude of service* Mental and emotional states* Sex energy* Cold exposure* Eat clean* Phone & computer habits* Exercise* Sep 22 Really good day today. I was a little dull at the end of the day yesterday and today I bounced back some. Still got up early but pushed back exercise until later in the day. I may end up doing that more often. It lets me get an earlier start on studying. Plus I can use exercise and a cold shower as a break between sessions instead of a first thing in the day activity. Today finished strong by meeting with some friends and discussing spiritual stuff. It felt really good to see them and to be back here in general. I feel like I'm in a good spot overall even though I'm not earning all that much now. I feel like I'm on a good trajectory. Even though studying is really difficult and I'm not sure what will come of it and I get in doubt with that overall I'm doing well. So one of the big things is to just keep up my spiritual activity. Within that realm the difficult part is always sex ideal. So with that I'll need to keep that clean and keep making progress there. If I can really improve that then I'll be in a good spot. It feels like the one troublesome area. So I really want to solve that spiritual problem. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session as always. Good to do an evening meditation with friends Attitude of service* Good here. Was helpful today and found a couple opportunites to help out with things. Good oreintation overall as well. Mental and emotional states* Was playing mostly on offense today which was good. Good to be engaged and to have good outward energy. Sex energy* Not distracted by this today. Felt like I had this rightly directed. It's still early in the retention streak so the real challenge comes when this is really high. But still good today and avoided lustful thinking Cold exposure* Good here. Nice cold shower with the garden hose. But the water isn't really that cold now so not that big of a deal Eat clean* good here Phone & computer habits* Good but during down time I check my phone to unwind. Got to find better things to do to minimize screen time Exercise* Good here. went for a run and bike ride. stretched some moved forward today
  6. Sep 21 A good day in actions but a little lower energy. I felt a little more dull today. Possibly from a lot of screen time. I've also been going pretty strong lately with habits and exercise. Maybe I'm a little worn out from exercise also. Anyway so I was a little less enthusiastic. A dip in energy and vitality also decreased my enthusiasm, optimism, etc. I wasn't ever in a negative zone but I also wasn't super confident either. So a decent day all around, but a little dull. Spiritually i still had a good practice, still did some good service and still had decent connection. So nothing is broken. Gonna get some good sleep tonight and get back at it. I can look forward to Saturday and a day off to have some fun. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session, going to do a shorter evening session now. I'm chanting again in the morning which is nice Attitude of service* Good here. Good outward energy, not stuck in my own problems Mental and emotional states* Mostly good but had a little doubt. Studying programming is really difficult. Sometimes it's slow going. Sometimes I feel like I'm too old and I won't get it. This afternoon I fell into a little doubt. I want to counter this tomorrow with more hard work and progress. And also just a little patience. Who knows what will happen but I can put in top level effort now and see what happens. Sex energy* Good today. Did a decent job avoiding lustful thinking. But this will be more difficult once the energy increases more. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower Eat clean* Good here. Clean diet has become normal Phone & computer habits* Better here but still checking my phone from time to time. I should think about just putting this away more often Exercise* Really good here also. Moved forward today
  7. Sep 20 Really solid day. Definitely on the right trajectory. Had a good performance all around and it all starts with putting God and spirit first. Really got a lot done and was overall pretty positive. So was playing on offense today which is where I want to be. Generally I'm feeling good about things. Really the only problematic area is sex ideal which I periodically fall short once or twice a month. That is really a tough area to really clean up because the drive is so strong. Most of the time I do good but sometimes I fall short. Anyway, was pretty good in htat area today and I'm back on a retention streak. Really felt good about working hard with coding and I'm learning a lot and am really pleased with the progress. I'm glad I'm taking the time to put this first and give it 100%. Daily spiritual practice* Really nice morning session and also just did a brief evening session also. Did a nice job chanting also. Attitude of service* Good here, trying to be helpful and good outward energy. Mental and emotional states* Where I should be today. Engaged and positive. Was pretty focused all day and had good serentity and clarity. Sex energy* Good today but always suggestive images everywhere. Checked out some music videos and always something to distract me. I really want to clear away the lustful thinking and get back on a long retention streak and really use that energy. Right now is like day 4 or something so the energy is low. Once the energy is really high I'll need to really keep the thought life focused. Cold exposure* Showered outside with the garden hose before the sun came up. It's gonna get pretty cold in a few months. Eat clean* Really good here Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but unwound after a great day and watched some youtube. I have mixed feelings about this. I need to unwind but this isn't the best way. It's just more screen time and undirected. I'm gonna look for something else Exercise* Really good here - run, pushups, stretch, bike Moved forward today
  8. Sep 19 really solid day. Was really productive and connected which is good. I got in 6.5 hours studying and will do the same tomorrow I think. My spiritual practice was really strong as was my exercise and habits. So a good day all around. I also was in a good internal space and avoided lustful thinking which is important for me to hit this 30 day retention goal. I got a little good momentum so I can do it. Hardest part is if I release just getting back on retention asap. It's common for me to deviate for like a week after a good retention streak. I think the big thing is to watch my thought patterns and get back on track mentally and avoiding lustful thinking. Overall really good day. I have a little time here to really go all in 100% on studying and see how I it goes and how it feels. I like the end goal of mobile income and more moeney so i want to go for it and see how i progress Daily spiritual practice* Good session, i'm going to settle in to a really nice routine Attitude of service* good outward energy, was helpful around the house Mental and emotional states* Mostly all positive and engaged today. Back playing on offense and I want to keep it that way Sex energy* Good here today. It's relatively low for now. Did a better job avoiding lustful thinking which is good. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Probably tomorrow I'll be back to doing this first thing in the morning Eat clean* Really good here. I've really improved since moving. I've been really clean with the diet and it feels good. Haven't compromised in a long time and I'm excited about that. I'm feeling good about this improvement Phone & computer habits* Okay but this week I'll be focusing on this. I've been checking too much the itnernet on my phone to be distracted Exercise* Really good here. Rode my bike up a really big hill, went on a run, stretched out twice, did some push ups moved forward today
  9. Sep 18 Really a good step in the right direction today. Feel like I'm getting momentum back after falling short last week with the sex ideal. So that feels good. Got some studying and some remote work done so that was nice to feel productive. Also took some time to walk around the park and see the city some. It's been a lot of years since I've been here so I felt really nostalgic. Kind of like visiting the past. Also felt a little sad about it which was noticeable. I definitely feel like I'm on a different trajectory now. Different things are important to me since the last time I was here. Which is good. I definitely feel motivated to work hard to build a nice future. I feel like I'm trusting God as well. I want to trust that the future holds great things for me if I really clean up my life and work toward spiritual growth. Anyway so a good day today and I'm ready to keep it moving in this direction. Daily spiritual practice* really good morning session, going to do an evening session here as well. Attitude of service* Good here today. Had pretty good outward energy and was ready to go overall. Felt like I was ready to participate in life. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Was more in the neighborhood of being positive. I still got a ways to go but I was feeling good overall. No porn / retention* Generally good here but I need to do good on the mental side of things and avoid lustful thinking. That is really where it all starts. If my mental area is clear then I'm not distracted in this area. Today I did good overall but was mentally distracted at times. This energy is so strong that if I harness it I can really accomplish a lot. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower outside with the garden hose. Been awhile since I've had a hot shower. Probably 3 weeks. Eat clean* Good here. Got good momentum Phone & computer habits* Actually better but still checking my phone for no reason Exercise* Did push ups and went on a nice walk Moved forward today
  10. Sep 17 Better day today and back on track which is good. Tomorrow will be a strong day I anticipate. Good effort today overall. Was a little low energy from watching porn the last two days though so it will take some time to get that back. All around though a pretty solid day. Looking forward to really getting back to coding. I'm really going to give it 100%. That is the plan. To really go all out and do my best in that area and jump in 100% and see what happens. I also plan on really cleaning up different areas of my life, the biggest one being porn. I do okay in that area but like once a month I end up watching it for a weekend which isn't good. I really need to turn a corner there. That is really the only big negative thing in my life htat I want to improve. I'm setting a really high standard in other areas and want to keep it up. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Morning session was nice. Looking forward to tomorrow's mornign session and chanting more Attitude of service* Good here. Found some extra ways to be helpful. At the meeting helped to pass out cake. Helpful at work and around the house so I'm doing good here. Mental and emotional states* Not bad but also not on offense. Just a little flat and bland. Not really believing in my purpose and direction. I want to get a really deep belief in the direction I'm heading in. No porn / retention* Good today. Need to start another nice streak and really transmute this energy toward building a nice life. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Felt fantastic after. Eat clean* Good here. Didn't eat any cake at the meeting which was nice Phone & computer habits* A couple times I was scrolling but pretty good. Exercise* Nice bike ride today Moved forward today
  11. Sep 16 Another mixed day because of watching porn again. I'm just in a little funk the past week. I know I can do better and really have in the past. On days like this I don't even feel like doing a review because just one mess up like that kind of ruins all the progress and good things of the day. I end up feeling let down. The difficult thing is I don't feel motivated to date like in the past. In the past at least I had a lot of motivation to go talk to girls or do online dating. Now that doesn't even feel like a priority. But I miss that element a lot from my life. All of my focus is really on building a future, figuring out a work situation, practicing coding, etc. So it's tough to feel lonely like this and without a real social life. I may just have to put more emphasis on being social and try and date. Meeting a girl would bring a lot of good things into my life. It always has in the past. I'd have to just accept the work and effort it takes to meet someone and go and deal with it. Either that or just dedicate myself fully to building my future and use the sex energy for that. The problem is that I can do it for awhile but then I end up back to feeling lonely. Anyway, either way I have got to give up the porn. It's just empty and hollow and not real. It ends up making me feel down and a little off. So I need to do better in this area of my life. I've been back and forth on this for almost a year now. It's been a really difficult area. Last time I stopped watching porn for a long time I was having regular sex which is way better. Part of me thinks I just need to put some effort in to finding a girlfriend. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Morning session before work has been predictable and nice. Once I go to studying full time I'll be able to expand on this. Attitude of service* Good here. Was really helpful around the house. I've been having a good eye for chances to be helpful. Same thing at work. Mental and emotional states* Basically good until I watched porn. I've been just trying to get away with that lately. No porn / retention* Failed completely here. It's been frustrating. It's the problem of being single and not being really social or really wanting to be social. I'd like to meet someone "naturally" but that never works lol. It just takes some effort. Cold exposure* Good cold shower Eat clean* Good ehre Phone & computer habits* overall pretty good except for watching porn. Other than that not on my phone too much Exercise* Nice bike ride and work] didn't move forward today
  12. Sep 15 Mixed day. Good effort in the morning and good effort at work. Only problem is that I ended up watching porn. I think I'm just feeling kind of lonely and disconnected. And kind of unwilling to put in a bunch of effort in that area. Anyway so that was the down part of my day. I want to bounce back tomorrow obviously. Also need to look at what is my ideal and the direction i want to head in. Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session so good effort here Attitude of service* Pretty good at work and in general. But got stuck in self some from falling into a bad habit Mental and emotional states* Mostly good until I watched porn. After that just felt kind of let down Sex energy* Fail here. I want to get back to being really clean here Cold exposure* Nice cold shower, felt really good. Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Always can improve here Exercise* Good today Not the best day. Some good things but a fail with watching porn negates it. Can't really say I moved forward with that habit
  13. Sep 14 Good day all around. Got off oto a good start and had a good day at work. Good energy and good optimism. So had strong habits today and actions as well. Just riding out the rest of this week helping a friend at his work. After that going to study full time and see what happens. Not too much else to say. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session to start things off. Best way to start the day. Looking forward to my spiritual practice once I'm studying full time since it will be a little more open ended. Attitude of service* Good here. When I was biking to work I offered to help a guy push his car that was broke down but he was able to get it started. It's good I had the attitude of willingess to be helpful. Also just being helpful around the home whenever I can. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Playing on offense and doing my best. Sex Energy* Decent here. Back on retention which is good. Had some mental distraction here but still did okay today Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Pretty good after work and going on a bike ride Eat clean* Good here. My diet has been really strong. I have newfound discipline and willingess and I'm eating really clean and not diverting. I'm also never really hungry that much during the day. Phone & computer habits* Needs improvement. I find myself wandering and checking my phone too much. Probably should just turn it off when I don't need it. Exercise* Worked all day and biked to work so good here. Moved forward today
  14. Sep 13 A really strong day all around. Had really strong habits and bounced back after falling short yesterday. Felt good to bounce back strong. I got a bunch of studying done and a bunch of work done also. So I was really deliberate today and it paid off. I really had a strong intention and got good momentum. So a big improvement from yesterday. Studying coding went well. It's going to take a long time to get really good but i'm on my way. This week I'm working a bunch and then after Friday I'm pretty much open to focus on studying only for awhile. Daily spiritual practice* Really solid morning session. Probably do a shorter session now as well Attitude of service* Better outward energy today, was helpful around the house. So a good job here Mental and emotional states* Good here. Good improvement. Was playing on offense today and back on the side of being engaged and positive Sex energy* Improvement from yesterday. Started retention again. Maybe a weekly retention pattern is best for long term instead of building this energy too high. I do want to harness this though. I see how well I do with other habits and practices. This is the strongest though so if I can really get this aligned then I'll be good. Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower in the morning Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but need to improve Exercise* Really good here, run, push ups, stretching moved forward today
  15. Sep 12 Another off day although I did get some good things done. on the positive side I got some good exercise in and I got some decent studying and work in as well although I could've done more if I were more efficient. On the negative side I ended up watching porn. I go no porn for like a month and then I watch porn for a day or two. I just end up back there becasue I'm lonely and not motivated to actually go meet girls. I really want to fix my finances and I'm exhausted with talking to girls and just putting in numbers trying to meet a girl. So I do fine for a month and then get a lot of sexual energy and get lonely. Anyway so I fell short in that area today. It's frustrating and I'll feel down for a bit but I'll be back on the right track soon. The point is not to deviate once a month in this area in the first place. Really that is the only negative thing. Maybe I do need to make it a habit to go out and try to meet someone and put in some effort. Good news is I'm excited about tomorrow, tomorrow is another opportunity for growth. I'm going to get a bunch done and get back to the habits I know work best. I'm also excited about being able to really study full time. I'm prepping to put in maximum effort in to this starting in like 5 days. I'll have a really free schedule to do my best. Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session here. Attitude of service* Stuck in self some but also was helpful around the house which was good. Mental and emotional states* Not where I want to be. Not the greatest clarity or focus. I was off today from watching porn and just felt out of it some. I want to get back to being really motivated and optimistic Sex energy* Failed here by watching porn. I want to get back to retaining energy. Might have to think about what is the best release schedule - full retention for long periods seems to throw me off. Once a week might work so I don't get too tightly wound Cold exposure* Good here, was able to face the cold Eat clean* Good here, diet is strong Phone & computer habits* Bad with the porn, pretty much okay with everything else Exercise* Good here did push ups and went on a nice run Stalled out today with bad habits