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About VerballyHazardous

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  • Birthday 05/04/2005

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    Viet Nam
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  1. Bunch of people getting triggered by 'Call of Duty: Cold war' for putting a 'non-binary' option in the character creation screen. "NO SJW POLITICS IN MUH VIDYA GAEM"
  2. People that believe in these stuff just seem like rightwing nutjobs to me. I was watching an anti-lockdown protest on youtube not long ago, and oh man the comment section. Some claim that that was the globalist government acting out their evil plan of socialism, communism, marxism (they sort of lumped all of these ideologies into one lol) global state, where they would do evil things like 'vacination'. Then there is some blaming anifa/marxist/communist rioter for being 'behind' all of it and this is their evil scheme to take over the world. The common theme is that they all reference and even promote World Economics Forum for source. If these people can't even stay at home for the sake of their community then they shouldn't consider themselves saviors of any kinds. I never quite realized the severity of this situation until then. Seriously though, i don't think you (barbara) should buy into this, it's shady stuff. This is seperatism, a desperate effort to keep humanity away from the inevitability of more equal, more diverse, more intergated society. Sometime you have to make sacrifices for the sake of the greater good, and that include staying at home and not fooling vulnerable people into believing one's own delusions and paranoias.
  3. There tests are always fun I don't really know what 'transitional state' mean, maybe something like a state seperated from the original state to enact transitional policies before said state and ultimately reuniting the two ?
  4. Some of mine same as above but with lyrics
  5. IRA calling the British army gay.
  6. @Mu_ (i don't know how to remove all of this) This is a disclaimer and an apology, not just some snarky reply trying to anger you. I want to make it clear that: •I no longer abuse my animals, in fact i only showed these behaviors not long ago during a short period of time, 95% of these breakdowns are me feeling heartbroken and crying. Under normal circumstances, i would never thought of abusing an animal, i would get angry when others do things that would make whatever animal they are interacting with feels uncomfortable. Now that i'm somewhat stable, i posted it here to get some support. •It's not like i gain pleasure from beating my animals, it's a bad coping strategy, i have to restrain myself while beating them to avoid any permanent damage. If you are wondering, yes, i do feel bad after the beatings, i do feel ashamed of my actions, that's why i even brought it up in my post in the first place, so people can see the severity of my situation, in hope that i can recieve the advices i needed, so i can change myself. •Preety, Keyhole, and others that may be triggered (but aspecially you two), i understand your softspot for animals, i can see the anger in your responds. Understand that you don't know what kind of thoughts and emotions that went through my head at those time. You don't know me, you don't know my all of my life conditions, you lack the context to even look at my post without without getting triggered at the devilry that i commited let alone trying to give proper advices. A simple "Get help" just sounds dismissive and irresponsible from my point of view, reading your responds just make me want to retract even further into my shell, allowing my perversion to develops. •Preety, i am offended by you calling me a psychopath and that i lack empathy. I'm usually the one that have to deal with this kind of so called 'psychopath' people and stand up to their abuses. I completely understand why you would feel this way, to let you know: i've lost pets too, numerous times through out my life, usually sudden and unexpected, i had carried that pain with me for years, i felt alone because friends and family members just don't have as that much feeling towards animals, "if it dies just get a new one". I would have never expected that i could felt like hurting my pets. •It's quite ignorant of you both to think that somehow you could simply control yourself if you were to experienced what i experienced. Imagine falling so deep into despair and hopelessness that you, despite having an identity of loving and caring for animals could raise your fist at your pet and shout at it. Any normal or sane person given the right condition could become a sosciopath, animal abuser, ect. No need to be 'dead beat mothers', i've gone through a fair share of horror myself. Forget about everything you've gone through in life, just imagine being me, imagine being however ignorant and naive you think i am. •I've done such horrible things in life that i couldn't possibly share with anyone in fear that they would turn on me and leave me to rot. I want to change, i want myself to feel happy so that i can make others feel happy, and this place is the best chance that i have. If all i get is hate, then i would propably feel better hanging around a bunch of cow butchers. I've made my points clear, yes i've done everything that i said i've done and more, i never enjoyed doing it and never will, now i want to change. No need to drag this topic on any longer. If you feel like you don't have the clarity to help me, don't, you hurt yourself, you hurt me, then i go and hurt others. I don't want to guilt anybody, simply create the environment for me to change.
  7. We don't even know is before death, let alone after death
  8. Given my personality, my condition, the location where i live in and the people that surround me , i don't see how i could live the rest of my life without it being 50% suffering and 50% boredom.
  9. @Mu_ yeah i watched it, yes that guy had it rough, but the question is can i overcome it like him.
  10. @bejapuskas I've tried to reach out to others, but i always get a "why don't you just talk more ?", "if you want friends just talk to more people", yeah right, as if anybody could just relate with me. It's clear in my mind that there's no one that i know could help me, why even bother asking for help if they can't understand my situation.
  11. @bejapuskas i lost contact with all of my friends, so no.
  12. I don't how much more beating i could take from life, some uncomfortable emotions here and there is fine, i can handle them no problem, it's this intense feeling of loneliness. Lately this emotion is getting very extreme, which leads to mental breakdowns and violent behaviors. To give you a perspective, during some of these breakdowns, i beat and kick my pet cat which i love very much. Not too long ago i took one of my pet fishes and flushes him down the toilet, i then go and smack my pet turtle on his shell and aggressively drag him around his pond. When i try to go to bed at night, i would feel an intense knot/pain in my heart, the pain would spreads across my body, i either have to stay up until 2-3 am just to release these emotions or try to bulldoze through the pain and fall asleep as fast as possible, however if i build up too much tension, i would start uncontrollably scream and cry. I tried using a body pillow to hug but it helped very little, i resorted to imagining that someone was there sleeping beside me to calm myself down, patting my self on the chest, "i'm here for you, please calm down, tomorow will be a better day, i promise". I would feel a nice mix of sadness, anger, resentment and a thick icing of rejection, i think this have something to do with my many shortlives relationships, they just never stick don't they ? I have these breakdowns way too often, probably a few times a week. I can't just go on like this for my entire life. I don't want to be alone with all of my wounds kept being re-opened and my desires unmet. I know that deep down i really wants to have a deep relationship with someone, to finally experience some form of emotional stability, so that i don't have to struggle alone anymore and have my well deserved rest, so that i have someone to relate with, to give me the physical touches that i have always wanted. I just don't know where to find such a person. Here i am, alone, in my head. I don't want to watch porn anymore, i don't want to watch Youtube anymore, even the 3 video games that i liked lost their fun, and yet they are the very things that keeps me afloat in this dark time. My older brother would bring his girlfriend home every few weeks or so, she was a decent person. We had good times together everytime she came to my house, despite the little time that we got. I felt my pain being melted away, my muscle relaxed, i've never felt so... close to anyone before, i had feelings for her, i had to reject that feeling ofcourse which hurt me plenty, my brother clearly stated that we can only be friends. Even if we did got together, i'm unsure on how the relationship would go. Looking back at some of our conversations, i could see how we are not compatible. Ah... such is life, always teasing me, always hurting me. The only things that is pushing me forward is whatever is left of my will to endure, my hope in a better future and the rare but profound mystical experiences, they purify and comfort me so i can live on and fight another day. "Everything was fine, everything is fine, everything is going to be fine, in the end, when you are on your deathbed as your breaths weaken, thinking back to your painful childhood crying alone in your bedroom when no one was there for you, and your sorrowful life when there was no teachers to guide you, then you will understand. In the end, it's always worth it. You are a warrior, you are a leader, you are a teacher, you fight with Love, you lead with Love, you teach Love... with Love." Even with these divine words instilled deep within my heart, i still have doubts about my life. Leave it to God i guess, and enjoy the ride.
  13. Santa sounds like a child murderer that lists and kills children that irritates him.
  14. Don't take everything too literally, ofcourse money can get you all of that nice stuff. This quote is primary for people who earn money for money sake, hoping that once they attain a certain amount of wealth they would feel secure and fulfilled.
  15. There should have been a canned laughter after the foam is wiped off.