What's the most high consciousness way to deal with anger?

[Carl-Richard]

Were you actually wronged, or did you make a mistake and you didn't own up to it? How "justified" was your anger?

I approach emotions like

• What is the purpose of the emotion? Emotions have a direction, they point you towards something.
• What do you achieve by expressing the emotion, and is it best achieved by expressing it? If anger arises, does expressing the anger best solve the problem?

And while I say that, you should be morally sensitive, not a pragmatic sociopath, but also sensitive with respect to yourself, not just being a doormat.

What you'll find if you express emotions in line with their purpose but also in line with your morality, they will arise shortly and then subside. They did what they came to do and you tried to do what is most right.

Edited August 17 by Carl-Richard

[cjoseph90]

12 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Your anger is absolutely legitimate. It's the manifestation of something much deeper, stemming from your childhood, from a toxic dynamic. You must understand the deep energetic dynamic between you and your brother. Anger is just the tip of the iceberg, the manifestation of a toxic family dynamic inherited from generations. If you get to the bottom of it, you will have done enormous work toward understanding the foundations of your psychological structure. Don't run away from the situation, penetrate it.

Run away is what is called "spirituality" , that is scapism. There is not you who can be angry, brother, love for you and for your holy family. Look, this doesn't work, it's just castration. you are a human, get deep in your humanity, it's glorious, even in its dark points 

Great Insight here, also a reminder to my self. ´´Don't run away from the situation, penetrate it.´´ 100% This

[gettoefl]

Anger is a great gift to aid awakening. Reason is it's not subtle, it's a sledgehammer. You notice you got triggered. Your ego won again. You can do better. Next time you can think with a higher thought system. Anger is the stupidity of thinking you know what is wrong in the world and who should pay. Your perception is the only evil because it sees evil. Forgive yourself. It's no biggie. You heal your perception and remarkably you healed the world. Rapists still rape. But you are using the higher thought system now and are untriggered.  You are good and the world along with you.

[Breakingthewall]

16 hours ago, cjoseph90 said:

Great Insight here, also a reminder to my self. ´´Don't run away from the situation, penetrate it.´´ 100% This

Yeah , it's not just in the mind, it's in the body, in all the energetic system 

[Razard86]

On 8/17/2025 at 5:01 AM, Someone here said:

My older Brother came to stay with me for few weeks . I hate him .the guy is a thug. He is a total dickhead. I knew we are going to end up fighting and insulting each other's with the most filthy words on the sexual dictionary. And soon enough we just had a fight yesterday because I didn't wash the dishes and slept over .we agreed that he will take care of the laundry and I will clean the dishes. I'm not sure why is he so edgy and grumpy all the time . 

He made me extremely angry yesterday. I couldn't cope with him because he got steel muscular body..if I punched him he might literally rip me into ashes so I pussyed out and just yelled at him.

The proplem is this is disturbing my work on spiritual liberation. Robert Adams says you can't achieve liberation if you "get angry over nonsense ". I could just think well ..my brother has no ego ..he is not a bad person ..he is not even a person..he is going through his own karma ..all is well and everything is unfolding as it should and there are no mistakes or things to correct blah blah. But the shocking thing is I can't let it go .he manged to completely go under my skin and make me lose my spiritual peace.  What is the most high consciousness way of dealing with toxic people who cause anger and frustration In you if your goal is to love unconditionally and be liberated from human games and human drama and human BULLSHIT? 

 

1. The problem with Spiritual Seekers is they keep parroting what they hear instead of making their direct experience king. Saying your brother is not a human is not true for you. Because saying he is not human is = to saying he is not your brother as well which would be = to saying nothing ever happened which is = to saying that your feelings and emotions are not real. 

2. You said you and your brother agreed that he would do the laundry (you never mentioned if he held up his end of the bargain) and you were going to do the dishes. You admitted you did not do the dishes which means you did not hold up your end of the bargain. Maybe you were to tired? Well he got angry because you were not in alignment with the truth. Your truth was I will do the dishes, and the result was you did not do the dishes. 

3. You do not hate your brother, people throw the word hate around so flippantly without knowing what the word actually means. You hate aspects of your brother which is completely fine. Hate = The complete acceptance of the eradication/destruction/annihilation/ of a thing. This means saying you hate someone= saying you want them removed from existence and you would be completely fine with it. Unless your emotions make you wish you never experienced him in your reality at all, you do not hate him. Also hate goes into things like sadism which is to derive joy from the suffering of the object of your hatred. So hating him would also mean whenever he suffers you derive joy from that. What would be more accurate to say is you dislike your brother.

4. You will never fully transcend your humanity as long as you are in a human body because you still have to eat, sleep, and make a living. The point of the spiritual path is the removal of INDIVIDUAL SELFISHNESS. Your brother is EQUALLY YOU as what you call YOU. Right now that might not be in your direct experience but it is true. You could think of you and your brother as ONE BODY to understand the illustration. Now the truth is if this is not in your direct experience then it is NOT TRUE for you and you shouldn't act like it is true because that would be OUT OF ALIGNMENT with truth. If you feel like an individual it is perfectly okay to act as an individual. NEVER lie to yourself about your experience because the Spiritual Path is about PERFECT SELF HONESTY about your experience. 

5. Now how do you get over the human drama here is how. First realize that conflict is INEVITABLE when humans are involved. Each person you meet has a different logic/interpretational perspective than you. As such conflict will happen. So how do you transcend it? Stop caring so much about what you want. If your basic needs are being met by life, then there is really nothing to worry about. The number one issue that humans have is they don't take responsibility for how they create their own suffering. For example....the only thing that truly exists is the present moment. The moment something has happened and become the past....its gone!!! Sure the effects of that action still remain but the experience of that moment is literally gone. So what is the issue? Notice you have to CREATE the memory of the past in the present moment, then the interpretation of that past in the present moment, which creates the suffering in the present moment. But if I got you engaged in some other activity like playing a video game or watching a movie that incident ceases to exist in your reality. So truly all suffering all trauma of any kind is actually individually created. Which is the same as saying we traumatize ourselves. Now why do we do it? Because we want ABSOLUTE CONTROL over every situation. We want things to go our way and for things to always be comfortable and that is actually the cause of all our suffering. If you want suffering to disappear all you have to do is accept that you do not have absolute control and things will inherently NOT go your way.

6. You can see all of life as just NATURE expressing itself and the way you describe your brother he certainly seems like a force of nature huh? Nature does not care about our little plans, nature just expresses itself as whatever it is. Understand that ALL of life is like this. Once you can accept that, events will hit you and slide right off you because you will not be attached to them because you do not care if something happens for you or not for you because you realize your little individual human self was never in control to begin with.

Edited August 18 by Razard86

[theleelajoker]

On 17.8.2025 at 11:01 AM, Someone here said:

My older Brother came to stay with me for few weeks . I hate him .the guy is a thug. He is a total dickhead. I knew we are going to end up fighting and insulting each other's with the most filthy words on the sexual dictionary. And soon enough we just had a fight yesterday because I didn't wash the dishes and slept over .we agreed that he will take care of the laundry and I will clean the dishes. I'm not sure why is he so edgy and grumpy all the time . 

He made me extremely angry yesterday. I couldn't cope with him because he got steel muscular body..if I punched him he might literally rip me into ashes so I pussyed out and just yelled at him.

The proplem is this is disturbing my work on spiritual liberation. Robert Adams says you can't achieve liberation if you "get angry over nonsense ". I could just think well ..my brother has no ego ..he is not a bad person ..he is not even a person..he is going through his own karma ..all is well and everything is unfolding as it should and there are no mistakes or things to correct blah blah. But the shocking thing is I can't let it go .he manged to completely go under my skin and make me lose my spiritual peace.  What is the most high consciousness way of dealing with toxic people who cause anger and frustration In you if your goal is to love unconditionally and be liberated from human games and human drama and human BULLSHIT? 

 

Ok scream at him. Let it all out. Scream at top of your lungs, with all your heart l. But don't touch him. 

Talking about family, my dad once made me furious with his BS. At one point I got super mad, screamed at him. Something clicked in him when I did it. I saw an expression on his eyes, in his whole body language I never saw before. He became super calm. Scared. Very peaceful. Very constructive, no more BS. Next day he apologized first thing in the morning. I apologized for screaming, but he didn't bother he said it's ok he's not taking it personal. Since then, we only had good interactions.

Months later, my sister said he still talks and process this moment. 

Bottom line:

Showing raw, honest emotion can have positive impact. Depends on context, relationship, etc  of course. 

Never screamed at a woman except my sister once when be both screamed. Also took a very constructive ending.

Honest crying, or desperation or whatever else re emotions, same thing. Showing, expressing can be high conscious when you see the positive impact right? It's not all about controlling it, expressing can be best way too. 

[Schizophonia]

Why didn't you do the dishes

[Sandroew]

For me it sounds like your problem is not primarily with anger, but a resentment towards your brother. Could be coming from bad childhood experiences for example. Could be worth investigating. Ask yourself if you would get that angry or triggered over a dispute about dishes with a different person?

[Aaron p]

 

[Globalcollective]

Learning MMA really helped me with anger. The more I   sparred and gradually learn how to fight I started to loose all my anger in situations, not sure exactly why but I guess it's because I lost the fear of worst case scenarios. You also learn in martial arts how anger disrupts your chi and ability to focus on the right fighting techniques, you train yourself to be calm under heavy stress. Not saying it would work for you but could be something to look into.  if you add that with a strong mindful practice I'm sure could work great. 

Edited August 19 by Globalcollective

[gettoefl]

Key insight is that nobody seeks to make me angry. Even if someone slaps me in the face. They are doing so because they have good reason. They will do the same to anyone because they feel it is appropriate. Note well that anger isn't personal. It is another person doing what they judge they must. To meet another with anger reinforces their bad behaviour in a vicious self perpetuating circle. My anger ensures they remain stuck. We both stay sick.

[Aaron p]

On a more serious note, just be mindful that not all situations that induce anger can be resolved by internalised psychological methods. If, for example, someone breaks into your home, ties up your family, drenches them in gasoline and sets them alight in front of you, then proceeds to rob your house and burns it down too and intentionally paralyse you on the way out for the hell of it, I'm pretty sure your not Gona get rid of the anger. With situations that cause sufficient anger, it's reasonable to assess that action is required. Something big to break up the cement that has hardened incorrectly. This is to say, if the anger associated with the damage done is literally insurmountable, you gotta do something big to recalibrate the new setting of the energetic pattern.

Edited August 19 by Aaron p

[Someone here]

Too much comments and feedback. Thanks everyone. Will read through .🙏 

I want him to do it again..so that I can stick the dish inside his butthole..which will probably get me killed and go to heaven to meet God and ask him what the fuck sir?

[EternalForest]

This is actually a good opportunity for you to test your own emotional maturity. I've had similar situations with toxic family members coming over and picking fights, and in my experience, the best thing to do is to divert attention to someone you both like / enjoy talking about. In one weekend, you're not going to change him, but you can be an example for him that the most important thing is to brush the bullshit off your shoulders and try to have a good time. He might also respect you more if you didn't let his mocking get to you, it's a classic thing with bullies that the more defensive you get, the more they'll dig in. All in all, just be the bigger man, no matter what.

[Razard86]

8 hours ago, gettoefl said:

Key insight is that nobody seeks to make me angry. Even if someone slaps me in the face. They are doing so because they have good reason. They will do the same to anyone because they feel it is appropriate. Note well that anger isn't personal. It is another person doing what they judge they must. To meet another with anger reinforces their bad behaviour in a vicious self perpetuating circle. My anger ensures they remain stuck. We both stay sick.

I've known people who hit people to make them angry. So no there are people who want to make you angry. Sadism is a thing that exists.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

3 hours ago, Razard86 said:

I've known people who hit people to make them angry. So no there are people who want to make you angry. Sadism is a thing that exists.

Agree, there are some twisted people who want to provoke distress in others.

Lost touch with truth, trying to feel something in any way they can to distract themselves.

Edited August 20 by Natasha Tori Maru

[Carl-Richard]

4 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Agree, there are some twisted people who want to provoke distress in others.

Lost touch with truth, trying to feel something in any way they can to distract themselves.

I remember I was hanging out with my buddies one time and one of my more druggie drug buddies was like "I've never seen you mad" so he started pushing me violently. And I was like "you're right". He didn't seem to give up, so I think I had to force myself to come off as mad for a second so he would stop and so my other buddies would stop cringing.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

2 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

I remember I was hanging out with my buddies one time and one of my more druggie drug buddies was like "I've never seen you mad" so he started pushing me violently. And I was like "you're right". He didn't seem to give up, so I think I had to force myself to come off as mad for a second so he would stop and so my other buddies would stop cringing.

It sounds like he had his own toxic masculinity definition of a masculine shit test 'How much anger you got, bud?' Physical provocation. 

Whereas your stoic response is actually a representation of masculinity so out of his scope he had NO idea what was going on or how to read you... Sometimes when you have a deeper understanding of truth, others just have NO idea what is happening.

Most of the really insidious versions of toxic masculinity/femininity are a result of such an extreme disconnection of truth/love, that ANY feeling is better than the disconnection inside. In fact... you could argue all negativity is born of the disconnection from the truth of ourselves (non-duel view)

But this doesn't account for systemic evil that is structural and can perpetuate evil without anyone directly FEELING evil. Blindness to consequence... groupthink and ideology can do this by masking personal disconnection and turning it collective.

I digress >.<

[Carl-Richard]

7 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

It sounds like he had his own toxic masculinity definition of a masculine shit test 'How much anger you got, bud?' Physical provocation. 

Whereas your stoic response is actually a representation of masculinity so out of his scope he had NO idea what was going on or how to read you... Sometimes when you have a deeper understanding of truth, others just have NO idea what is happening.

I saw exactly what he was doing (why he was doing it and also that he was doing it), so it's harder to get mad. Had he slapped me in the back of the head without me knowing it, that would maybe have been a different story.

 

12 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Most of the really insidious versions of toxic masculinity/femininity are a result of such an extreme disconnection of truth/love, that ANY feeling is better than the disconnection inside. In fact... you could argue all negativity is born of the disconnection from the truth of ourselves (non-duel view)

I think his background is rougher than average, but I might be assuming things.

[meta_male]

On 17.8.2025 at 11:01 AM, Someone here said:

And soon enough we just had a fight yesterday because I didn't wash the dishes and slept over .we agreed that he will take care of the laundry and I will clean the dishes.

It's not a spiritual issue, it's a boundary issue. Why are you tolerating being bossed around at your own place instead of saying: my house, my rules. You sleep over as much as you want and he can do the dishes after laundry. If he doesn't like it he can pack his bags. No need to get angry that way.

Unconditional love doesn't mean letting others walk all over you...that's self-betrayal and spiritual bypassing. You can't meditate your way to peace, you simply create the rules.