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I have this realization some months ago after "trying to get Enlightened" with 5-MeO and realizing that I am not the one who is going to get Enlightened, since "Nothingness/Presence/God" is already "fine" so I need to work on myself (on healing my ego and so on). But...not sure how to do it. Will try what you said, but I have this limiting belief that my mental structures are very rigid and solid and sometimes I get depressed because it seems nothing changes.

In Buddhism they Believe in reincarnation and karma. You keep incarnating after death until you pay all your karma and then you stop and cease to exist completely. That state of cessation and nothingness is called "nirvana ". It's basically a form of salvation and being free from the sufferings of life. (because according to Buddhism, life is suffering). What do you think of the Buddhist narrative? And what is your own definition of nirvana?

In 2009 I took about 5 gms of mushrooms on the beach of the Oregon Coast. I felt a pull from my chest, that I naturally resisted. But I had the thought, "lets see what happens if I stop resisting it?". Once I did I left reality and went to the place of white nothingness, and knew that it was all one. I knew that there was no separation of anything, and that it was inconsequential if I went back, as it didn't matter, as it is the same thing. This was my very first Spiritual/Mystical/Awakening experience, a decade before I learned what any of that meant. Weird thing was, that day, I could have an Awakening at will, meaning I could choose to leave my body and go to the place of white oneness, by choosing to do so. I did at least 5 times throughout the evening. Each time longer than the last. The last time I did, I was gone so long, hours, that it was night time by the time I came back. My legs were so numb, I had to rock back and forth, to get the feeling back in my legs, to be able to even walk. That night, my girlfriend and I were able to talk to each other through thought (telepathy). And I was able to manifest impossible things to happen at will. Such as, it was then nighttime and dark out. There was miles of dunes ahead of us. I said to my GF, telepathically through thought "we need to find your sandals", as she had taken them off somewhere on one of those thousands of sand dunes. At that moment, I stopped and looked down, and they were there in front of me. Crazy day for sure. It wasn't till a decade later did I learn about Spirituality and Nonduality. Now that day on the beach makes much more sense as to what happen. My question is, has anyone ever heard of someone being able to, on a psychedelic, be able to have numerous Awakenings at will, to be able to go back and forth by choice, and stay as long as you want? How common is it to have telepathy when on a psychedelic?

You said it yourself: cos We are Infinite. Ta-daaaa. If it was NOT possible to <'fuck up, feel pain, be bad, be selfish, be evil, suffer'> then, oh dear God, We wouldn't be Infinite & Eternal -- but We ARE! The lesson in this life is for you/me/us to fucking understand that We do NOT want all this unconscious, ignorant, selfish, evil devilry (being asleep) anymore because IT FUCKING HURTS in the end <3 I don't want to suffer anymore. I want peace, goodness, happiness, love, contentment and joy for every sentient being that I am in the whole universe. Consciousness. Being awake. Knowledge. Selflessness. Cosmic Consciousness. Oneness. Love. But it takes a lot of ignorant devilry, pain, fear, anger, shame, suffering ... and conscious effort to get there, because ignorant, unconscious, selfish devilry is also kind of exciting, right (?), and it seems like the essence of 'fun' to Us. But I'm fucking tired of it now. Seems like many children on the planet are starting to grow tired of egoistical behaviour. But you cannot fuck around with survival. You gotta satisfy the bottom 4 levels of Maslow's Pyramid of Needs before even being able to start acknowleding that you were programmed to survive and that you have followed this social conditioning your whole life, more or less. The most 'sneaky and intelligent way' for the 'ego' to perform devilry is to perform it without acknowleding it. We are all often acting primarily from a place of ego in so many small and big ways while simultaneously believing we are acting from a place of charity and integrity. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". “Kindly let me help you or you will drown, said the monkey, putting the fish safely up a tree." The thing is though, try to imagine what it would be like if all that existed was 'obvious Heaven' -- omniscient, unselfish, blissfull beings just flying around in Paradise. No pain, no suffering, no devilry. Just pure Love, Joy, Happiness, Goodness, Contentment for You and Everyone. After an eternity of this, don't you think you would start to be fucking bored? Maybe You would want to imagine a chaotic dream where You *forgot* You were God, and where you didn't know shit about what would happen, since the world inside that dream would be filled with chaos, evil and death. Wouldn't that be exciting? I mean it's just a dream right; only it gets more exciting: because you willingly forgot it was just a dream! Wouldn't it be a fantastic dream if it was possible for You -- as 'an imaginary, internal, separate self' stuck in 'a chaotic, physical, external world' -- to get all this "anxious chaos & ignorant, selfish devilry" 'straightened out' to "calm order & conscious, selfless goodness & love" ? ... Just like when you take a deck of cards and shuffle them into disorder and chaos, and then shall try to bring them back into order and harmony. That's fun, that's exciting... Will the (imaginary) evil win? Or will Love win? Let's see! Let's play! Lila - Divine Play. It's all just God/Love though, remember? ;-) <3 Most people don't, which is exactly the point! Awakening/Spiritual Enlightenment is God allowing Himself to "wake up" through a small amount of dream-characthers inside His Dream. Hehe :-) <3 ;-) Love is Awareness is Boring is Ignorance is Exciting is Bliss is Fear is Suffering is Healing is Awareness is Love An infinite strange loop. The serpent eating its own tail. Meet Me "in the middle" of all these seemingly polar opposites: good - bad ... selfless - selfish ... love - hate ... excitement - boredom ... being - non-being ... peace - fear ... happiness - misery ... expression - depression ... harmony - chaos ... infinite - finite ... eternity - transient ... light - darkness ... consciousness - ignorance ... freedom - captivity ... invulnerability - helplessness ... perfection - imperfection ... control - impotence ... truth - falsehood ... courage - fear ... innonence - lust ... non-attachment - attachment ... humility - pride ... serenity - anger ... authenticity -- deceit ... play - seriousness ... life - death ... dream - real ... emptiness - form ... nothingness - nouns ... movement - stagnation ... one - many ... contentment - dissatisfaction ... enough - lacking ... heaven - hell ... profound - mundane ... music - silence ... beauty - ugliness ... now - past ... now - future ... equality - difference ... unique - common .... soul - ego ... awake - asleep ... forgiveness - judgment ... letting go - holding on ... encouragement - blame ... trust - reject ... absolute - limited .... imagination - dullness ... mystical - understandable ... mind - matter ... mental - physical ... thought - material ... idealism - materialism ... non-duality - duality ... spirituality - earthly ... magical - typical ... god - devil ... fate - coincidence ... free will - determined ... actual - theoretical ... experience - conceptual ... inner - outer ... groundless - grounded ... unlimited - limited ... unbounded - bounded ... freshness - old ... self-evident - paradoxical ... unity - opposites ... inexplicable - explainable ... purpose - accident ... meaning - nihilism ... growth - mistakes ... whole - deficient ... interconnected - disconnected ... gifted - cursed ... blessed - mortal ... creative - useless ... intelligent - simple-minded ... illusion - human ... transcendental - egoic finite mind ... nirvana - samsara ... play - survival ... balance - battle ... sincerity - game ... symmetry - confusion ... natural - artifical ... unforced - enforced ... liberated - ruled ... emancipated - dominated ... responsible - victim ... reflection - put-down ... self-governed - enslaved ... listening - disregarding ... open - closed ... redemption - being lost ... tolerated - blocked ... giving - losing ... ineffable - logical ... surrendering - resisting ... supportive - careless ... mutualism - antagonism ... reciprocity - hostility ... conciliation - alienation ... synergism - noncooperation ... warm - cold ... symbiosis - conflict ... tranquility - agitation ... neutrality - egoism ... magnanimity - vengeance ... self-sacrifice - egomania ... soft - hard ... sacrificing - self-indulgence ... charity - exploitation ... compassion - heartlessness ... artlessness - pretentiousness ... light - heavy ... candidness - deception ... divinity - atrociousness ... unwearied - tired ... overflowing - lifeless ... lively - inanimate ... vibrating - motionless ... energetic - stagnant ... wavy - straight ... concurrence - asynchrony ... linked - fragmented ... reciprocal - separate ... unified - divided ... whimsical - fixed ... alterable - established ... healing - suffering ... transformative - destructive ... laid-back .. expressive - depressive ... bold - shy ... calm - traumatized ... sobriety - addiction ... adventurous - scared ... audacious - fearful ... bravery - cowardice ... acceptance - denial ... innocent - ashamed ... forbearance - anger ... acknowledgement - contemptuous ... fertile - infertile ... admiration - condemnation ... significance - worthlessness ... gracefulness - crudeness ... fondness - loathing ... approve - blame ... respect - scorn ... integrity - hypocrisy ... appreciation - envy ... self-esteem - self-loathe ... humbleness - hubris ... mercy - coldheartedness ... kindliness - enmity ... let go - cling ... affinity - aversion ... passion - abomination ... concurrency - resistance ... concordance - discordance ... virtue - atrocity ... clarity - murkiness ... tenderness - harsh ... keenness - nonchalance ... awareness - apathy engaged - inert ... wide-awake - absent ... lucid - distracted ... mindful - abstracted ... meditative - overlooking ... focused - scattered ... contemplative - unreflective ... bright - dim ... pure - impure ... mesmerized - inattentive ... renew - remain ... embrace - bypass ... cheerful - melancholic ... optimistic - pessimistic ... celebrate - mourn... attend to - neglect ... deliverance - deadlock ... fulfill - fail ... fruitful - barren ... attainment - defeat ... wonder - expect ... question - answer ... curiosity - conformity ... amity - bitterness ... unassuming - arrogant ... observant - oblivious ... synchronicity - chance ... entanglement - loneliness ... indefinite - confined ... exploration - conclusion ... honesty - biased ... content - greedy ... silent - noisy ... Lila (Divine Play) - one-upmanship When the finite, egoic mind is fully dropped there is just seen to be: Goodness, Selflessness, Love, Excitement, Being, Peace, Happiness, Expression, Harmony, Infinity, Eternity, Light, Consciousness, Freedom, Perfection, Control, Truth, Courage, Innonence, Non-Attachment, Humility, Serenity, Authenticity, Play, Life, Dream, Emptiness, Nothingness, Movement, Oneness, Contentment, Enough, Heaven, Profound, Music, Beauty, Now, Equality, Uniqueness, Soul, Awake, Enlightened, Forgiveness, Letting Go, Faith, Encouragement, Trust, Absolute, Imagination, Mystery, Mind, Mental, Thought, Idealism, Non-Duality, Spirituality, Magic, God, Fate, Free Will, Actuality, Experience, Inner, Groundlessness, Unlimited, Unbounded, Freshness, Self-Evident, Unity, Inexplicability, Divine Purpose, Meaningful Growth, Whole, Interconnected, Gifted, Blessed, Creativity, Intelligence, Illusion, Transcendence, Nirvana, Play, Balance, Sincerity, Symmetry, Natural, Unforced, Liberated, Emancipated, Self-Responsible, Self-Love, Listening, Open, Universal Redemption, Divine Tolerance, Ever-Giving, Ineffable, Divine Surrender, Nurturing, Universal Support, Unleashed, Mutual, Reciprocal, Conciliation, Synergy, Warmth, Symbiosis, Tranquility, Neutrality, Magnanimity, Self-Sacrifice, Softness, Charity, Compassion, Artlessness, Light, Candid, Divinity, Unweariedness, Overflow, Aliveness, Vibrations, Energy, Waves, Concurrence, Linked, Unified, Whimsical, Alterable, Healed, Transformed, Laid-Back, Expressive, Boldness, Calmness, Sobriety, Adventure, Audacity, Bravery, Acceptance, Patience, Forbearance, Acknowledgement, Fertility, Admiration, Significance, Gracefulness, Fondness, Approval, Respect, Integrity, Appreciation, Self-Esteem, Humbleness, Mercy, Kindliness, Let-Go, Affinity, Passion, Universal Familiy, Divine Concurrency, Concordance, Virtue, Clarity, Tenderness, Keenness, Awareness, Engagement, Wide-Awake, Lucid, Mindful, Meditative, Focused, Contemplative, Bright, Pure, Mesmerizing, Renewal, Embracing, Cheerfully, Optimism, Celebration, Attending, Deliverance, Fulfilled, Fruitful, Divine Attainment, Wonder, Questioning, Curiosity, Amity, Unassuming Observant, Synchronicity, Universal Entaglement, Indefinite Exploration, Honesty, Content Silence, Lila (Divine Play). See: Love ya all.

It is hard to get clear answers on what people believe actually. Is consciousness fundamental reality in your opinion, or is consciousness something which fundamental reality does/is? In the former case, do we suppose things like atoms have some basic level of consciousness? Leo says infinite consciousness often, but then when discussing the "Godhead" seems to describe it as a sort of infinite singularity which I find makes a lot more sense. There are passages in religious doctrines which state that "It" is beyond even labels like awareness. Nothingness seems to marry easier with ideas of the big bang etc, and the discovery and measurement of things we can only record with tools. Like, things could then exist without a conscious observer or the universe needing to implement alterations and laws retroactively. If the Godhead HAS consciousness then this is all easy to explain. If it IS consciousness, then it is more difficult to suppose things are existent before any conscious mind becomes aware of it. I just finished a book called "God is Nothingness" but find the appendix sort of buffers the opinion expressed in the rest of the book.

Is it not that everything is awareness in different modifications? How else does it work together? Scientist is moving towards conciousness as fundamental which sages has been saying for centuries. Nothingness is concious apparently ? Since it is outside of space and time there has never been a time where it was not concious or aware. It is conflicting sides, some say conciousness is fundamental and some say nothingness. But are they not actually the same when we really dig into it? Not two. Sure but that postulates an unknowable universe which we can never confirm tho. Only knowing is and that is conciousness. Same with cessations, what knew that cessation occured? You get me? Awareness is a non personal presence, it takes forms of ego and perception but that is just a fantasy that thoughts made up. Infinite conciousness is something that can be nothingness and everythingness. That makes more sense to me. Like Leo says, different states of conciousness. Some would disagree to this tho. If infinite conciousness is the ground then it has limit it self off from other possibilitys in order to have the experience it has now. The universe. Possibility does not necessarily mean actuality

Godhead is the ineffable ABSOLUTE, the VOID, only is what it is in itself. Or Mind in itself. Then it has an active part which is GOD which is the creative part. It is all Mind, either Godhead/nothingness/void. Or GOD, infinite imagination, infinite thought, infinite energy. Conciousness is what IS, Being is. Non being - being Formlessness- form There is only two different sides of the same coin. Zero/one. The sages throughout has called it the Absolute Awareness, where there is no me/we/subject/object. Thats the field of being which is everything. Godhead has a being which is unknowable, mind in itself without anything else. Godhead transcends being and non being, existence or non existence. To "us" the godhead is as it were not. But it is being as it is without anything added to it. The source of all is the ineffable godhead. Mind/conciousness is fundamental reality. Some call it nothingness, some call it infinite conciousness, godhead etc, tao, the Absolute. It has an active and a non active part. Thats the only way to reconcile both this views. Mind in itself is unknowable but the active part is the universe. But to say that the fundamental reality is an unconcious principle we err greatly.

What about peeing? Why is thinking so important, it is such a small portion of our experience! There is a pee-er. The one out of which the pee comes! Aha! But have a look at this here - the game of life. The original entry can be different, causing different results in the game later on. In some of those the game continues indefinitely, in others it completes quicker. In third, it can create a whole other game of life on a higher level(the video posted) Now what I claim is that perhaps the Universe or God is more advanced than you and actually has a choice what game of life to put forward and where it will be headed. You can tell me all about how your thinking comes out of nothingness and not a thinker, but you cant tell me why events in the world happen as they do. You can't tell me why we use electricity, how we are advancing the way we do and how we "evolve". You can tell me only about your direct experience, you cannot tell me anything about the game of life. You can talk to me about what its like to be one character inside the supreme game of life, and honestly, we have no clue what it is to be outside of the game of life, thats how huge it is. Here is a 2d representation:

@RMQualtrough Yeah don't believe a physicist to tell you what nothingness is. If you're into philosophy I scrolled past this thing on Google called Ontological Nihilism. After an awakening experience I was googling my thoughts and found it. Can't say I know anything about the philosophy, philosophy like that isn't my thing

@RMQualtrough sorry man I accidently edited your post, I think you have to reply to @TreyMoney again, sorry ? Oh no man he does not equate nothingness with conciousness, nothingness is the Absolute Infinite non being. The godhead, is so nothing that it enables everything, pregnant with infinity of something but it always go back to nothingness. Nothingness is the ground for everything to be is what he is saying

I saw this actually and was going to purchase it I saw it proposes nothingness is in fact just consciousness though. And I mean it is infinite consciousness LOL but like, the precise metaphysics and mechanics of the hows and whys are important to me (I'm more of a philosopher than a self-improver), and I feel that it is not "just" consciousness but all things. I am judging based on a review I read though. ---

@RMQualtrough my dear friend, I do not know you, but we are very like minded. I define spirit as the nothingness from which everything arises and to which everything ultimately returns. I define spirituality as having reverence for that absolute, eternal, infinite, objective, ultimate nothingness. A cute little AEIOU mnemonic. The Buddhist saying "Form is Emptiness, Emptiness is Form" perfectly encapsulates the idea of everything being nothing. Nothing is the only thing, which is simultaneously everything. That may seem like a duality, but only from our unenlightened pov. "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman Nothingness is Brahman....undifferentiated, undivided, indivisible, indescribable, devoid of attributes or characteristics. Somethingness is Atman....differentiated, divided, divisible, describable, containing attributes or characteristics. Brahman is truth. Atman is false. Atman is everythingness. Everything is Atman. I am Atman. You are Atman. Rocks are Atman. Brahman is nothingness. No thing is Brahman. I am not Brahman. You are not Brahman. Rocks are not Brahman. (which is why I vomit in my mouth a little, every time Leo says He is God, or You are God!) But ultimately, Atman, (which is everything), is also nothing fundamentally. (Duality) And if Atman is nothing, and Brahman is nothing, then Atman is Brahman, and nothing is nothing (Non-Duality). I hope this helps....but if not, just ignore it. Cheers to health, wealth, peace and love. Trey

If you like this theme of nothingness I can suggest a book that goes right up your alley so to speak. God is nothingness- andre Halaw

@Nahm Do we perhaps all mean the same thing? Thank you for the reminder that mind EQUALS matter. When conceptualizing things in sober life that tends to be done by heirarchy. E.g. "appearances IN mind". I like the term nothingness because of the implicit answer to most difficult metaphysical questions. If the term "everythingness" is used (nothingness = everythingness, infinity), a typical person may ask "where did the everything come from?" If the term "nothingness" is used, the question is defeated. They mean the same thing because there cannot be literal nothingness, but that is WHY there is everythingness? But yeah to me it seems like in this paradigm, consciousness is simply an ASPECT of the infinity, of this eternal and infinite nothingness/everythingness. All things are equal to (literally ARE) that Source. Godhead. Void. Etc.

@RMQualtrough Might sound redundant or even critical, not meant that way… if everything is said to come from nothing, or if nothingness is a foundation, then these are properties, features, facets, aspects, etc, and nothing is no longer nothing, but is now misappropriated as “that which” is two, -and- has properties, features, facets, aspects, etc. (As pointings of course, great, no ‘issue’.) If there is one thing in or by which infinity resides, then there is either not that one thing, or there is not infinity, or there is neither… but by definition there can’t be both. Yes on the “deep sleep” pointing. When one is “awake” God is asleep, so to speak, so all “awakenings” are seen as delusion / duality. That appears to be a very ‘way down the path’ comment or perspective, but that is the ‘sneakiness’ (if you will) of now, or we might say, of now vs experience, in the opening the door sense to identifying by “a past” or “a future”. Because deep sleep is being said to be a property of nothingness, which is then no longer nothingness. Even ‘literal’ upon nothingness implies a ‘not literal’. Otherwise, if I am caught up in language here and that is precisely what you’re saying, then just - yep. Because ‘it’ is never things, ‘consciousness’ is kind of the ultimate pointer, such that consciousness can inspect and realize there is no actuality of separation / things. Also, consciousness, or awareness, points to the most prior, and then the label also goes. What is or would therefore be aware of awareness, or conscious of this consciousness (minus the dualistic implication via language there). Also - the instant consciousness realizes it is consciousness which can never come, go, awaken, fall asleep, yada yada, eternity is ‘realized’. Even ‘the underlying’ must go. It is not possible to have mind before matter. Matter = Mind. Mind = matter. ‘Matter’ is just a thought, a label. Inevitably, so too is Mind, as in finite and or infinite. Points back to the ultimate pointing of “consciousness’. Again though, might be saying the same thing here… and also, me saying whatever seems to be being said must also be ‘seen through’ / cancelled out. Not a word of it is true. It’s literally being made up ‘on the fly’. Edit: reply to your last comment… there are no “humans”…there is no “relative viewpoint”… there is no “void”! That is all consciousness… and even that label (consciousness) must go.

I found this by Alan Watts: Which seems similar. I see he followed Buddhist teachings. That sounds like the Nothingness/Everythingness I mean. I see why it might be labelled consciousness considering it is impossible for humans to experience anything outside of our relative viewpoint (even in a void trip). But why should consciousness not merely be something that the everything IS. Rather than the everything being something consciousness is?

"Taoism and Buddhism believe that the universe is created or originated from "Nothingness" or "Emptiness". It is interesting that the modern science also proposed that there is "nothing" before the creation of universe. ie. Before time and space exist, there is "nothing". Buddha had all sorts of quotes on emptiness or nothingness. Jainism also points to nothingness as ultimate reality. Check out: AjataSunyata project by Robert Wolfe ❤

@Nahm The foundation is what I am trying to say is literal nothingness. Everything exists there all at once by the mechanism outlined by Mason. From Nothing comes Everything I think... Things don't come and go because there's only one thing fundamentally where infinity resides. Which is this nothing/everything conglomerate. I heard someone verbalize a similar idea. That intuitively we BELIEVE we come out of reality into a dream and then into deep sleep. But they proposed it is the other way round, and deep sleep is in fact the natural state where we in fact always are and all things are. That seems correct. Why that deep sleep cannot be literal nothingness (which is literal everythingness at the same time, that is the catch) I'm not sure. I like the loose ends tied up if it in fact is that way. I have heard some other users discuss similar thoughts but I am not sure what religion or philosophy reflects such a thing. I don't know why it has to be consciousness and why consciousness cannot merely be one of the infinite things "it" is. That is, all things exist simultaneously from this source. Similar to neutral monism. NOT the same as it but similar. It is still possible to have mind prior to matter. And the underlying something is just "____". There's no term. Just a literal nothingness which is an everythingness.

You couldn't ever find it, only by inference. What is observer without observed? Some Buddhist traditions tie the two together for the reasoning that they are necessary as a pair (I may be wrong?). We can say for example that a rock is consciousness (as are landscapes in our dreams), but prior to relative experience, if we envision a universe of nothing but rocks, the observer is dormant as we would be in deep sleep or under general anaesthetic. But these things and this universe still exist. It seems more basic if awareness is a property OF the nothing, that can go into and out of "deep sleep". When there is experience it wakes up, when there is no experience it rests. That way there is no "what caused THAT to exist?" because it is a something, and people like somethings to have an explanation. Nothingness does not need an explanation for how it exists, because it doesn't. It ties up some things neatly. I like this theory presently but I am subject to change a lot (lol).

@Nahm Usually they say nothing then later are like "the nothing is consciousness", which isn't actually literal nothingness (since consciousness is something which exists). I am searching for total non-existence as fundamental. Infinite everythingness is rather the opposite of limitation I feel? Unlimited things it can be. To me it feels like nothing having to REMAIN as nothing would be a limit. Nothingness without limitation or boundary on the other hand can be anything as there's nothing stopping it from doing so, and no finite boundary to stop it from being infinite and as such then being everything?

Even ‘can be anything’ would be a limit. Yes, pretty much every religion. God = no thing, nothing, nothingness. But then likewise “necessitating infinite everything ness” is a self imposed limit. If there is a nothing, that is a duality. If not, there isn’t.

You can only get close to it. When duality stops existing, experience cannot occur. Consider a dream of a beach. The very moment you see the beach you are localized at some point within it, and there is an appearance of duality. If duality ceased, it would be impossible for you to see the beach at all because seeing is an experience, and experience creates experiencer and duality. When there is no appearance of duality there is only everythingness which = nothingness as above. That nothingness is the same state entered during general anaesthetic. We don't come "out of" nothingness and "go back" into it (there is nowhere to come out of or go to), we are all currently as we speak in a state of something like general anaesthetic. That is the ground, the foundation. We are always nothing, but something appears, and when that something appears duality appears and then it is possible for there to be an experience of something, and thus an experiencer. Who is looking through your eyes, hearing through your ears? The Absolute ("God") is. Not you AND God. Just God. You are an illusion, there's no such thing as a "you". There is only God. Where are your dead loved ones? Your dead loved ones are looking through your eyes. They are God, and so are "you". What you call "you" is merely something God experiences, God tastes with your tongue, feels your emotions, smells with your nose. God experiences your brain and hence your memories and body and so on. All of these things are inside of God and made of God... How could God possibly create something outside of itself or with anything but itself? There is no space so nowhere else to place anything. There is nothing else in existence so it can only craft something with itself. There is nothing else at all.

5 days straight during an online retreat with Shinzen Young alternating between his See Hear Feel vipassana technique/shikantaza/self inquiry. My concentration was so sharp I was watching the moment by moment flux of the phenomenological field expand and contract out of and back into literal nothingness. There was a palpability to the context out of which reality was arising and dying into moment by moment such that this context, this emptiness, was experienced to be more real than perception, even though it was no-thing, an actual void. Even when the self was manifesting, I saw with crystal clarity the perceptual aggregates that are typically knotted up and coagulated into the feeling of "me," but in this state, even this feeling of me was seen to be completely unreal, moment after moment after moment. Perception was experienced as almost being liquid, fluid, spacious, wave like, effervescent, contractive and expansive. And when perception is experienced with this degree of mindfulness, one's ego suddenly has no solidity whatsoever. It's like form became quicksand and all that was left was formlessness. It was magnitudes beyond anything I've experienced while on a psychedelic. The problem with psychedelics is that they're so energetically overloading this can have a scattering effect of the mind; the psychedelic is dragging the mind into the present moment, sometimes violently. Whereas with this degree of meditative absorption, there's a lightness, a clarity, a precision, a purity that I've yet to experience on psyches. However, it also felt like I integrated every psychedelic trip I'd had on that retreat. Now whenever I meditate, regardless of what technique, I pretty much enter into some sort of absorption state. These states in and of themselves are not "it." It's easy to see the illusion of self and world when in such an absorption state. Can we see the illusion of self and world while we're getting chewed out by our boss, while we're experiencing physical pain, while we're trying to hit on a girl, while we're driving, while we're meditating for absurdly long periods of time, etc.? There are many litmus tests to our degree of understanding besides the frequency or intensity of absorption during a comfortable practice period, I've come to realize. However, having a powerful, sustain, sober satori seems to be an important first step towards an authentic experiential embodiment of truth. Lately I seem to be hitting into the "white infinity" part without psychedelics and the fear of death has started spontaneously popping up during sober practice. I just assume death coming up as a theme during meditation means I'm doing something right.

I am strongly considering that reality including mind is not real and that everything is LITERAL nothingness. Literal nothingness necessitates everythingness by way of the nonexistence of limit and its infinite nature. Someone posted something here recently which I found paradigm shifting, in conjunction with a Spira and Leo video I saw.

Do you want my current pet theory? I believe you are making a mistake in the sense that you think you came OUT of nothingness and will go BACK INTO nothingness. I think in actual fact nothingness is where you are and reside right now. Whatever we cqll foundational reality, it would be impossible to come out of it... Consider: If there is nothing but one thing, there is nowhere "else" to place something so that something must be placed within itself. If there is nothing "else" then whatever exists must be made OF that thing. I am thinking nothingness is the realm of what we can call metaphorical God. Dormant consciousness? Or not even that. Perhaps true nothing. I give you this analogy: In a dream you may be inside a complex landscape and have a dream body and so on, and yet where you really are the entire time is lying in bed... Consider that where you reside now is like that dream, and where you really are this entire time is residing in nothingness.