Search the Community

Journal Entry Exports from; Writing out the Negative: Anger, Contempt, Disgust, Fear, Judgement. Depression etc. Posted October 11, 2021 ''I am having escapist lucid dreams more and more lately basically after a month or so, unfortunately, I didn't write them in the journal, but the latest ones that I remember I plan to do. They basically boil down to stuff happening that is a wish-fulfillment in my dream of the stuff I failed on, was too afraid, indecisive, impatient, weak, selfish, or cowardly to do in the past and recent present which I had a deep longing towards or dreamt of in real life of fulfilling in my future to sort of achieving which I failed on being a possibility anywhere soon or at all in my life. Though a recent example not having anything to do with wish-fulfillment from a couple of days ago (three days ago I think in fact) was a dream of being scanned for my fingerprints and blood flow to my fingers by a mini floating UFO of a flying disk shape with a red tractor beam (at least what It seemed like it was doing) and floating around my head while I was lying down in my bed where I sleep in this apartment somewhere at very early morning time with the sun barely coming out. I dreamt of myself basically being in a half-awake groggy state and barely being able to move or recognize it and being too tired or weak to do anything about it. Also in that dream earlier, I dreamt of being aware of family members entering my room while I am lying down sleeping in my bed also in the morning time and talking to something to me while I am too groggy or tired to respond or do anything about it but I only aware of them being there faintly through my senses and then suddenly during that same time in the morning (be it 5 or 6 AM) I have the desire to move and respond to them but just as I move in my dream in my bed I wake up I realize I am still in that bed but there is no one in the room and there is dead silence in the morning and I am lying there now awake trying to grasp and come to my senses was I just dreaming that what I just perceived happening in my room a moment ago in the early morning time while I was in the same position in my bed as half-asleep and being faintly aware of it all happening and trying to slowly come in to grasp and discern up until what point was I dreaming of being at bed sleeping in the early morning and being aware of all that happening in the background in my room and at what point did I wake up in the same position that I was in during the dream in my bed it would appear roughly at the same time in the morning. This difficulty to discern what was the dream and what was me being awake in the morning came up roughly at the same time during the morning when I would wake up in shock and would later go back to sleep. Note: I didn't watch or have read any UFO-related or alien stuff in a long time and was skeptical for a long time and during the supposed Pentagon release of footage and confirmation of the existence of UFOs about almost a year ago and considered them just to be cover of the flight of secret experimental US Airforce planes and technology since the sights would usually happen in America and few other places in the world as far I followed it when I was briefly interested in it a while ago as a teen. The wish-fulffilment lucid dreams were either a product of a wish being fulfilled or an unlikely scenario playing out of which I had deep longing towards happening and me realizing in the past especially during my time in high school and of being a product of my imaging of interacting with some people or being a real-life witness of their interactions happening that I know from watching online on YouTube for some time or that are known as online celebrities mostly in the English speaking domain of the Internet. For example, I faintly remember of dreaming being in a cafe as a customer or something of a sort and watching the interaction in real-time of Jordan Peterson and some other figure which seemed to resemble the online YouTuber Vaush from his ponytail appearance (though I have watched neither of them for a long time, almost a year on YouTube just saw their faces and pictures from time to time on Twitter or recommendations for their videos on YouTube), they then briefly went to finish their conversation on the second floor of that cafe and then suddenly I found myself on the street in some rural area that seemed like somewhere in my country Serbia and I felt lost there and started looking for directions to get back where my apartment is in Belgrade and started asking people around, I asked an old grandad (who In facial appearance resembled almost my own grandfather who passed a year ago now) he pointed me in the direction towards the station there and then I encountered Peterson and asked him for some reason as if he knows which bus line in this rural place looking place should I take that goes to Belgrade and for him to point to me on the map where does it drop me off in Belgrade where it is nearest and closest from my apartment and taking another city line from there and then right when he was showing to me where my bus line will end and on which station of that bus line should I exit in Belgrade I woke up. Weird dream. The wish-fulfillment lucid dream that I had today had to do with me being in an open place almost an ancient greek amphitheater of some sort in the woods all covered in vine and mostly overgrown by nature with familiar but facially indistinguishable faces sitting there ( it is as if I knew all the people sitting there intuitively from my encounters with them in real life but couldn't really see their faces or name exactly each of them who they have just had a familiarity of their presence) and then from the back of my eye noticed and caught a glimpse of a very familiar face in the backdrop of that overgrown natural amphitheater and other ancient building space that looked exactly like the face from the pictures of the 19th and 20th-century French sociologist Emile Durkheim that was walking away and I started running towards him and people sitting in the naturally overgrown amphitheater spaced asked me: ''Where are you going!? What are you running towards!?", and I replied to them laconically filled with pride in myself and joy (even though it is very likely now in my depressing and existential and purpose crisis because of this real life that I won't be able to graduate and become a certified sociologist at all, given how many exams I have leftover from previous years and how I am currently feeling mentally strong in my intellectual capabilities to do so from developing 'brain rot' and lack of willpower due to a chronic addiction to entertainment, procrastination, and porn on the Internet during the past year especially and before that vastly diminished my chances of accomplishing this in the remaining years left of my studying and receiving a family pension from the state while being a full-time student),: ''Well, I am a sociologist myself. It is my duty to get an autograph from a man and sociologist such as Durkheim who works I was exposed to in high school (especially on Suicide given my family history) got me interested and fascinated to want to study sociology in faculty and become a sociologist in the first place!''. Then in my dream, I consciously ran towards the figure that was walking back on the road behind the amphitheater surrounded by a crowd of adoring fans that I thought looked and resembled the famous sociologist and when I came up to that figure it turned out it was a woman wearing glasses surrounded by a crowd following here that resembled him slightly in facial appearance and appeared to be a female writer of some sort, I apologized to her for running up to her impromptu and kind of disappointedly gave up on my autograph. Then the next thing I know I was standing on large blocks of stone on the wall of some seemingly old fortress from medieval times that resembled slightly the Kalemegdan fortress in Belgrade and my highschool girl crush and then thought possible and potential future soulmate that was put there for me in life I then had a feeling of and thought of her as that (she in some facial aspects and personality-wise even resembled Leo (I can't post here picture here I feel like it would be a against her right to privacy on an unknown forum and privacy rule here in general), like a younger female version of Leo in Serbia, which I found later kinda weird since when I watched Leo on YouTube I would be slightly reminded of her because of the similarities of his and her facial appearance ), and I knew here and went with here in highschool up until 2017 even before I found Leo's channel and then after I left high school and was in faculty still had a deep crush on her for some time, and this was before I found Leo website and channel on YouTube back in 2017 and slightly later when I just started watching his videos on his channel back in the summer of 2017) I went together in high-school with appeared together with a guy friend of hers in high school who was also an almost all As an excellent student like her (she rolled in a different faculty than me in the University of Belgrade and I have also found out recently that she had graduated in law school recently and became a certified lawyer just in the basic studies graduation term for studying for for 4 yeasr) in high school also appeared and approached me and started talking to me. I had a conversation with her in my dream that felt as it was very intimate, like with a very close girl friend that I knew for some time (in contrast to very brief interactions I would have with her in highschool and my mostly platonic love for her during that time in my life), and then she suddenly out of the blue told me that I don't have to go or rush anywhere since we will be all staying here (including her best straight As highschool guy friend) and sleeping over together tonight (In some supposed tour house I guess for all of was to sleep in and stay the night from highschool) and then I suddenly very casually in her way directed a very very lascivious joke regarding opportunities and possibilities for me and her in that sleeping together arrangement (spontaneous horny dreams what out me forcing them what can I do...) (that would probably have been too outrageous to say to her in real life given our degree of closeness and friendship then and especially now when I am out of touch with her for four years and have only seen her last time when I invited her to my grandfathers funereal last year) and then backtracked with another joke disputing the meaning of what i meant that made her and her best guy friend from highschool laugh in the dream. She then started walking on the edge of the wall of those stone blocks on the fortress as if playing with the height and chasm below with her best guy friend from high school and I followed them both expecting to interact with them more and the dream ends there and I woke up. The only way I can interpret this last dream is that I am idealizing that deep sense of longing and want I had of her when I was going together with her in the same high school and sometime after that when I had another short failed hook up the attempt in faculty (that I also told directly once that she reminded in her pale skin pigmentation of the idealized first crush girl from high school) almost two years later in 2018 and afterward the fantasies and longings and wants of her resided a short time after that as well. Just goes to show how deeply did idealize her as being my missed opportunity future soulmate and the one meant for me, how much the deep longings and wants of her lasted, and how much I remained obsessed with her for some time, though mostly unconsciously it seems, that I projected and valued and got attracted to other girls appearances based on how much it resembled her own and her personality and how much the time I thought I was in love her lasted that I projected her onto other women and had memories and fantasies of her appearing to me during the day. An unhealthy obsession with mostly a figment of imagination, an idealized image of a woman I had a crush on in high school (who also I found out briefly indirectly from one of her gestures of touching my fingers on my hand and whispering my name so I can just barely hear it during a shared photo of the entire class in high school in the second year also I had a brief crush on me, but I was to much of an introvert and coward to act then at 16 or 17 fearing to be in relationship with her at that time since she was bullied and mocked by some classmates then and I didn't have really developed crush towards her then) and never had developed an actual friendship or meaningful interaction beyond my platonic love of her and projection of my own mind of her in short. It also shows how deeply lonely I feel now and how a lack of experience in any relationship or being in an intimate or partnership relationship with the opposite sex has impacted my psyche, I am 23 now with no experience of being in an actual relationship with any woman up until this point, that I am fantasizing in my dreams, maybe subconsciously, my idealized crush and then thought of missed soulmate in life from high school, that I am having these dreams of her in my wish-fulfillment scenarios stalking me after this much time has passed since high school and also how much I have failed up until this point in my original intent and aspirations of graduating and becoming a certified sociologist in my basic studies term time or much more even the possibility of becoming a certified one at all now given my state and missed opportunities, studying procrastination, distractions by entertainment and porn weakening my discipline and mental willpower and fortitude to study long term, with patience and seriously with no distractions, excuses and procrastination and experiences in not taking and chickening out of some exams this summer and in the past semesters that piled up in these 5 years since my enrolling in faculty in the sociology study group in 2017. Experiences full of failed dreams and wishes that are now manifesting themselves as wish-fulfillment in my dreams as means for my psyche to cope with the living experiences of knowing them and having memories of them in the real-life where I am now experiencing a lot of suffering, mental pain and above all regret, daily life filled with the memory and knowledge of regret, of not coming even close or lifting a finger realizing all of these aforementioned things above that was at the time and still in some sense very dear to my heart and felt a strong emotional drive towards and that I felt life put it there for me to realize them and actualize them for a reason but I failed on that promise and are now sitting there like dead dreams and wishes, unrealized now and unpotentialized, and me only retaining a memory of them what I hoped and how I felt at the time I thought they were doable, within reach and that I could achieve them as my life purpose goal when I felt a strong emotional drive towards them. And now because of my laziness and procrastination of some stuff during my daily life due to the felt mental and emotional resistance and finding intolerability of my current life existence and future prospects of it, with no strong drive or purpose towards anything apart from keeping and saving my conditions for receiving welfare from the family pension (based on my passed mother's accumulated work internship while she was still alive and working) from the state while I am a regular student till 26 from the Pensioner Security Fund so I don't have to search for a job and work full time while I am still a student and studying (I am aware current after a wasted year giving only two exams I cant use this as an excuse indefinitely to postpone having to work and find a full time paying wage slave job or any job for that matter). I am aware that not the way to live to hope on keeping receiving welfare while using part of the pension from my grandmother to cover some other expenses while I am living together with her and while she is still alive while even my father works for some unsteady and unfixed income teaching basic English and German at private foreign language school chain while using as only being a student as an excuse so I planned and thought to try to find a part-time job somewhere via maybe the Youth Employment Center to get some income of my own and to start to feel better about myself that I am not so depressed and mentally incapacitated in my overexaggerating mind due to the feelings of prolonged or chronic emotional and mental pain, suffering, sloth, and laziness that I can work and earn an income for myself on my own even as part-time job coupled with still studying and passing some leftover exams from previous years or year this winter semester. Thanks also for anyone having the time and mental energy to sort through and respond to this incoherently written and all over place journal entry with word of advice, I wrote this mostly for myself to stop procrastinating and resisting mentally and emotionally with distractions, pleasure, and excuses putting these emotionally uncomfortable and painful thoughts that I have been chronically thinking about during some days into the text or at least a part of them that I have been avoiding or being too lazy to write out (even for a year in this case it accumulating) in text somewhere from myself to release them from me obsessing about them cathartically and to better understand them as well, leave a mark of them for others to know what's been mentally and emotionally plaguing me in my mind and most importantly to feel better about myself after forcing myself to write them all out, if not coherently or polished but just to feel that I got them off my chest somewhere where it is readable.''

Torero's crimes isn't punishable by death and he shouldn't commit suicide. RIP. Time to close this thread as it's not really related to Dating, Relationship or Sexuality.

No one is glad about his suicide, but if he was recording and selling sex audios that obviously is not ethical and would eventually have to get called out. PUAs gotta find ways to teach game in a more ethical manner which is considerate of the girls. If they treat girls too much like objects it will create backlash for them because it promotes a toxic masculinity which mainstream society will not stomach. Game has to be done in a way which is not balls-to-the wall exploitative, selfish, and juvenile.

you’re glad Torero committed suicide after all his income was cut off when his PayPal and hosting was banned even though he did nothing illegal nor actually broke those sites guidelines and glad Addy Agame spent a year in jail and was labeled a sex offender in the media, so he will never get a normal job most likely, despite the court system saying he didn’t commit any crime nor any sex offense?

As an adolescent I was so green that I thought women never got horny. I just thought they were being kind or were maybe just trying to get approval because they had deep insecurities like myself. I was so shy and ashamed of masturbating in my early teens that I thought about committing suicide on more than one occasion when wondering if other people might know or find out that I did such a horrible thing. At 54, I’m a lot closer to my physical death now which changes how I feel about things and what I’m willing to express openly or somewhat openly. Masturbation turned out to be one of my strategies for distracting myself from an alcoholic indulgence early in life. It wasn’t enough though. I struggled with my alcoholism until I was 38 years old in 2005. I haven’t drank since and have lost all desire to do so. I never thought I would be free of the compulsion to drink and I am grateful for that. Despite contending with other addictions on my path. By the way, one other strategy for not drinking was to eat a good meal. The compulsion for drinking alcohol is much less on a full stomach. In AA years ago I learned the acronym - H.A.L T. It was said that if your an alcoholic, one must guard against getting hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Human beings evolved with having an outrageous sex drive which has made it possible for our species to survive all the diseases and catastrophes that has been there in our history. Many Religions shame people for their animal nature which effectively makes them more prone to manipulation. Sexually repressed people often get really twisted. Like all those Catholic priests who molest little boys. Or sexual repression results in chronic frustration and anger for others. The adrenal type in the endocrine typology, of which I am one, is the most oversexed of all types in our species which is in itself oversexed. Susan Zannos, in my opinion, author of one of the best books on this typology titled simply Human Types; Essence and the Enneagram made a statement concerning instinctive-moving adrenal type men. That they quite often have a certain ignoble habit or tendency,,,,. I’m not going to disparage the disciples of no fap. I know that there are many ways of living with many variables. The idea of sublimation of sexual energy makes sense to me but I could never pull it off. (No pun intended) I once thought in the fairly recent past that if masturbation had been somehow impossible throughout my life, I would probably have already murdered 3000 - 4000 people. So don’t let those forest fires of anger get out of control. Just do what olé Strokey the Bear cub says. Only you can prevent those forest fires of anger in this wilderness of life. Strokey the Bear cub is somewhat of a stroke-slut and a carefree Carebear and many would not even suspect it. It’s true that not everyone is going to heed his advice and that’s okay too. Have a good day.

Why are you considering suicide?

Before commiting suicide, take a breakthrough dose of 5 Meo DMT. Nothing to lose, right? Or take it now, no more beating around the bush of the mind...

Lololololol. I know you lol. Won't say much but I only wish to help you. You better take care though. And no suicide, okay!

Ok then, I will suffer for some years more and then committ suicide.

I have taken psychedelics (2C-B-FLY) once, it gave me a hell experience and some mental problems for years. I have also taken weed once, it also gave me a hell experience. I have also got (kinda the same) hell experiences when sober. So should I try LSD now? I'm pretty sure that it will give me a hell experience too. If I take LSD it will be like playing russian roulette with my sanity at stake. The only reason why I even consider taking the risk is because I'm desperate for my life to get better. Basically my choices is suicide or risk getting insane by taking psychedelics. It would be better to be dead than be alive and insane, so.. I don't know. It's not a easy choice. I'm not saying that I'm seriously considering suicide right now (but I did before), but probably I will seriously consider it again a bit later in my life. So should I take LSD or not?

Happiness tends to move upward as you expand your consciousness. I'm not sure how based on the descriptions those people are internally or how much they've integrated each stage. In Tier-II it's more like peacefulness/equanimity as the baseline no matter what your outward situation is, which is a giant step. But in Tier I you can still have pretty happy people or those on the verge of suicide.

Robert S. de Ropp wrote a Self help classic sometime around the late 1960’s called -The Master Game. Another book of his written after this I enjoyed was called - Self Completion. My favorite of his though was his autobiography called - The Warrior’s Way. de Ropp was born in the late 1800’s in a family of European nobility. Bavarian ,, I think. The last of the family wealth was spent by his father who was a rather cold character. de Ropp educated himself and was one of the first in his field of molecular biology,, I think. Some kind of biology anyway. The hardships of his youth carried over into his adult life where he became one of Ouspensky’s students in Great Britain. Eventually he moved to the states. One of the most memorable parts of his story occurred in Australia during his youth and where he came quite close to committing suicide. Later on in his family life, his first wife went insane and during his second marriage his wife gave birth to a boy who was severely mentally and physically handicapped. For a number of years while he lived in the New York area taking care of his son as compassionately as he could occupied most of his time and resources. He wasn’t a very warm and caring person and reading between the lines one can get a glimpse of some of his inner struggles. He eventually moved to California where he organized small Work groups or schools in the Fourth Way tradition. He succumbed to the force of the Ocean late in life as an old man kayaking off the pacific coast.

@Nadosa Yes but I meant that he was on the verge of suicide and the awakening changed all that, which might not be for some people. I can't claim to know all the details though.

Yes often this is what can push one into the 'dark night of the soul', is what I feel pushed some rich and famous folks to suicide.

Hard times force you into your true colors. Talk is cheap. You can say whatever you want during easy times, that's meaningless and it don't count. I don't approve of anyone who claims enlightenment unless they're tested over and over again all the time, which does not really happen, so nobody ever who claims enlightenment is actually enlightened. I can sit here and philosophize about death all day, it means nothing, because I know that when my time will be up, I will panic like a motherfucker. Fear of death is what keeps us alive, but just the right amount. Too much fear is paralyzing. And no fear at all is dangerous, which is why we don't see fearlessness, because fearless people die quickly (suicide, martyrdom, etc.). Control is made of fear. The more control you think you have, the more fearful you will be. But fear is not necessarily a bad experience. The ego-mind is a genius and it can create positive experiences out of fear. For example, love is just a twisted form of fear. It is the opposite of what Leo says; He is delusional, and everyone that agrees with him. Psychedelics are not a portal to truth or God. They're a portal to delusions and the devil. Fear is the source of everything. Accept it. Accept the truth. Nothing will change, and that's okay.

I am currently working a book with a complicated plot. It is based on a real story about child custody and involves drug abuse, domestic violence, suicide, and more. I may try to cut some of what happened out to make the plot less complicated. Is there a recommendation for how much needs to be written in a novel? I will summarize the plot here before posting parts of the story. Sometimes I cry while writing the story, and I am interpreting it as it is a sign of a good story. I am a senior in high school in 2016. Throughout the year I am looking for ways to reach out for help, but for no avail until the end of the year. The main conflict is that my mother and father are fighting over child support and they are both trying to use their children as pawns to gain an advantage in court. In the story I side with my religious drug dealing father who fled the state to avoid paying child support and his new girlfriend. I side with my father because my siblings are in danger at the other house full of drug addiction and domestic violence between my mother and her new boyfriend. There is a separate, simultaneous case of domestic violence with my father and his girlfriend. Throughout the story the protagonist lies to protect the father who he falsely believes loves him in the hopes of evicting his abusive stepfather, protecting his siblings in the process. Ultimately the story ends with a true event in which I described the entire situation with a power point presentation for literally 100 people. People seem to find this story inspiring and I think it would it would help describe issues such as domestic violence, drug abuse, suicide, child custody, and many other complicated issues which are all in play at the same time during the story. People also seem to think that mental disorder such as autism and OCD create challenging obstacles in addition to everything else. The book has a mixed ending after all of the betrayal between the parents and children. The step father is evicted, dad dies of cancer, my siblings are moved to a foster home, and now I'm with my grandma writing the story. Should I write parts of the story in an actualized journal?

No, but I'm reading a book which has been written specifically for the problem I'm dealing with and I'm doing the assignments, so I guess I'm kinda doing therapy by myself? I don't know if that'll work, but I'm giving it a shot... But sometimes it feels very overwhelming and I feel too alone in this and I start to seriously consider suicide, but I'm also scared of that too, because who knows what that will lead to... Which makes the problem even worse. Maybe I'll try a low low low low dose, see what happens...

Life can go wrong for everybody. Being wise and knowledgeable helps. But it is not a guarantee. Life is really a challenge and you can destroy the average person very easily. A health scare Or an illness can derails anyones life. It's easy to be happy when things go your way. When you have your Internet connection, money in the bank account etc. Take all of that and many will commit suicide even if they are conscious. Most people I know are super privileged. They have no idea how terrifying life can become. And the challenges they have faced are childs play. Tomorrow you may get a cancer diagnosis or become paralysed . That can completely destroy your life or not. Some people can't endure too much suffering. Only the strong make it.

If I have bipolar it would be a very mild case then. I don’t experience the extreme highs bipolar people experience. When I talk about the periods I feel good, I just feel very confident in what to say, words come automatically, things feel natural. The lows can be pretty low tho. Never attempted suicide but did have those thoughts. I dont self harm but I can cry intensely and feel sad for a full day, then it becomes lighter each day. As I said, I want to avoid medication at all costs and need a better understanding of myself I think

I think it's more than one thing. If I look back this is what I think leads to the right kind of life: You need to sow the right seeds of desire in your mind. If your desire has to do with getting validation from the outside world or indulging in pleasures (like getting money, sex, and fame) then you are bound to get jealous, hateful, hurt, etc. You are stuck in an endless race. You are doomed if you win and doomed if you lose, you will forever be insecure. But if you plant the right kind of desire. Like the desire to grow yourself, meaning to be the highest version of yourself, then there are endless possibilities. There is no hate or jealousy here, and you won't become a slave to the object of your pleasure. I think the desire to do something in life, even if you don't know what yet, is the deciding factor. If you don't have this desire, IMO life becomes a slow suicide. And then, you need to strengthen this desire by aligning your emotions with it, because emotions are energy in motion. It would happen overtime. And you need to find a path, by increasing your knowledge and experience, that you can trust to reach your goals. So, right desire -> strengthening it by emotions -> finding a path by knowledge -> believing in the path and desire. This is coming from personal experience, whenever I didn't have the desire to do something in life, I have suffered massively.

I'm so glad you said this. At least someone who sees bad things being spoken so openly on this thread. I was so hesitant on saying anything on this thread. I am an Indian girl who comes from a culture where the social rhetoric is that if a girl is raped, she is damaged goods who should never get a chance to marry or have a partner. In fact the social ostracization of raped women is so harsh in our country that raped girls are often told their life is not worth living and many of them opt suicide. Thanks for your comment. At least someone understands the gravity of the issue

Being high conscious means knowing who you are, doing what feels authentic, what feels right to YOU. The spiritual path is not about trying to live up to an ideal of what the highest consciousness spiritual path looks like. The path is about coming closer to who you are as an individual. It is about becoming emotionally free to do what you want to do. To explore your passions and desires. I would be careful absorbing too much conceptual spirituality. Making the distinction between you and your ego can be a valuable realization, but the context around that is a lot more important. the distinction between you and your ego does not make your individuality less true or conscious. Be true to yourself, that's the highest lesson. This kind of thinking is why people commit suicide in the name of spirituality here on the forum because they aspire to be something bigger than what they are but don't understand they are already all of it no matter the shape or form. Don't be so hard on 'your' ego - or yourself? , just do what you want to do and what feels natural whatever that is.

@Thewizardking I get what you mean. Same kind of experiences can happen on weed too. And also, this kind of pattern threw me into serious mental health crisis. I spent time in psych ward and had to take antipsychotics. The netflix show seemed to tell me I had to commit suicide. So yeah, it can get pretty horrifying. ? This is conceptualization rather than meditation. This is when you are averting feeling and projecting/running into thought-stories and narratives. I would advice you not to take these substances. If you are looking for wellbeing, insight, joyful living and inspiration, build the foundation with meditation, dreamboard and self-expression. Believe it or not, these are even better than just tripping.

I'm not gonna bother digging up studies and research to prove it, but I disagree with the general sentiments here that younger generations are becoming less racist. I've seen studies saying that Gen Z is actually the first generation to be more conservative, having less sex, more racist, more traditional than the generation before them in a long time. The problem is a reporting issue. Schools are totally locked down with anti-racism, pro-LGBT and everything else nowadays. Kids are terrified to say anything about a minority group or protected class because they'll get cancelled. It's social suicide, as well as potentially ruining scholarships, jobs, etc. But trust me that these kids are saying plenty of racist stuff in private. Even liberals can say some pretty racist stuff in private. When you make something taboo, of course kids are going to rebel against the mainstream position and do what's edgy and different. If you think "Republicans" are as right-wing or racist as it gets, that's your first problem. You guys are stage green leftists just hypothesizing about what the right is actually like. Republicans are maybe 1/3 of the way to the "far right". Actual racist / right-wing people laugh at how pathetic and similar to Democrats the Republicans are today. They consider Republicans traitors because they don't nearly go far enough. Just because racist stuff has been deplatformed off Youtube and Twitter and you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't growing elsewhere. Racist podcasts, private Discord groups, even in-person meetups are booming especially in terms of younger membership. They say that people get more conservative as they get older. If that's true and seeing what Gen Z kids are saying in private nowadays, I think you're in for some pretty wild political times in 10 or 20 years. Where did you come to your assumption that racism is so bad anyway, and have you ever challenged it? Are you afraid you might actually get converted over? If you're really open-minded, I'd challenge you to really listen to a racist speak sometime and see if they don't make some valid points. Not some idiot redneck either, but an actual educated race realist. (Personally I did the opposite and gave socialists, communists, and breadtubers a fair chance, watched over 100 hours of video from them and read several leftist books to challenge my own positions. It actually did shift me to become more of a centrist, although I still like to listen to people on the right speak as well)

Note: I don't have the intention of ending my life anytime soon, so don't worry too much about suicide prevention. I also don't have suicidal thoughts right now, I just remember them, so please spare me the harm-reduction, I'm currently feeling better than 90% of the time and I was never close to commit suicide.