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Salutations MsNobody, IMO there's already a couple self-vilifying vectors contemplated in this short sentence alone, lets start by having a quick glimpse at the most obvious: Extreme THC:CBD ratios are man-made, essentially, hence i only find reasonable to expect atypical effects near boundaries while i'd personally seek more balance. Concentration of potential contaminants is another concern with industrial mass-production of oils, because that's just the contrary of "bio", though i can recognize a need for it in medicinal applications. Simply keep in mind nobody can tell what's the future long-term consequences of chronic exposure considering although individual Pest Control Products (96+ made "legal" in Canada so far, including myclobutanil...) may be present as non-detectable individual traces their collective synergy toxicity still multiplies and we lack suitable studies to properly evaluate the real Public Health issues. In addition if we include consumption methods & associated rituals into the big picture then this clearly paves the way to "The Shortest Path of Lesser Transformation". Which also suggests that 3rd-party intermediary actor$ invite further vilification. Good day, have fun!!

UPDATE: After a few days of distracting myself avoiding silence as much as possible I got the balls to shut down the computer and face the silence. And I started to have the same experience I had after the trip. I felt like I was falling into the void, reality was collapsing on itself and I was starting to realize very clearly that I don't exist. My heart was beating really really fast and at a certain point I got too scared and resisted it. Then it kept pulling me into it everytime I was silent so I had no choice and kept surrendering and then resisting and gradually surrendering all of what it wanted me to surrender. After that I felt this HUGE peace like a ton of weight has left my shoulders and I realized that I'm going through an intense spiritual transformation where it's no longer about being all peaceful and happy during meditation but what feels like the letting go of my physical self and physical reality. My meditation sessions are just a whole new thing now, 10x to 100x more powerful and a lot scarier. CONCLUSION: It seems like psychedelics loosen up your ego structure or even blow it apart and when the ego comes back it doesn't come back to it's original structure but to a weaker, more fragile and less rigid structure which can be much more easily dismantled by your normal meditation afterwards. So contrary to my previous belief psychedelics can be used to increase your everyday level of consciousness by leaving your ego structure more fragile than before the trip. Now maybe this only happens if the ego structure was already really weak and it was about to happen anyway, more experimentation needs to be done. But for now I see LSD (and maybe psychedelics in general) as a fucking amazing tool to increase your baseline level of consciousness which is what it's most critized for not being able to do.

It's way too early I think for evidence of a global control system. There are however hints already emerging, such as: The first quote is from a European think tank. The second quote is from a Chinese government think tank! It's from a quite a long PDF document, but I may put in effort to read it. This is very interesting stuff. Is it related to spirituality and ACIM? Oh yes! Spirituality and the material world are one wholeness. What happens on a material level is very important. And this is a huge transformation of the global ego.

What is trust and truth? How do you know if you can trust a birdsong? How do you know if the taste of an apple is true? All the models I create are like sandcastles. They have what some call "relative truth", yet ultimately they all wash back into the ocean. A wonderful interplay between form and formless. I would consider Leo's videos to be movies, just a different form of movie. That type of expression can be effective. Perhaps your mode of expression is similar, or you could create your own novel form of expression. You could integrate what you like about Leo's form with other forms of you like. Is not creativity a transformation of previous form into novel form? I'm a sucker for anything integrated. It's how my mind works. If I could only pack four items for a journey, curiosity would be one of them.

Hey everyone, It’s been a long while since posting on here, better late than never as they say. Any who, I came across this video the other day and found it extremely enlightening. The video is of Rupert Spira (I would assume many of you know) whom I have been listening to now and again for the last few years. Ruperts manner in speaking on these linguistically challenging topics is extremely admirable and sophisticated. He could very well likely be considered one of contemporary pioneers in discussing this work. Upon this, it’s come to my attention that Leo receives a lot of untenable criticism that may just purely be due to miss translation and misinterpretation. However, the more I listen to Rupert the more that i see parallels in Leo’s work. A large degree of how he constructs his explanations is analogous to Ruperts. The variation in explanations may highlight the criticism Leo receives. Yet I see almost mirroring similarities. This video and those alike may assist those struggling with some of Leo’s explanations and provide some further scaffolding so Leo’s work can be further appreciated. ps. Thank you @Leo Gura for all your contributions you’ve provided a lifetime of transformation.

The global ego can be seen as an unholy spirit, haha. It can sound funny when recognizing that all it means is that the world is still incomplete as a holon, so it's not whole, not holy, so it's unholy, or "fallen" and ruled by "satan"/ego separation, the prince of this world. The individual ego is a fractal version of the global ego. Integrating the personal ego therefore means also healing the global ego, which results in the completion of our planet as a holon. This is a complete form of healing; a process of making the incomplete planetary holon complete. Our fallen world is actually not a sickness. It's a necessary developmental stage of third density. So healing in this complete sense is about a transformation, an evolutionary leap rather than curing a disease. Since the personal ego is attached to the whole global ego it's an extremely rigid form of blockage and separation. Fortunately, what to the personal ego is an immense obstacle is a puny form to the Holy Spirit. And it's the Holy Spirit that does the work of integrating our egos into the planetary holon.

I can really relate retty well with you! Painfully well, in fact. Depends on what you want to do -- do you want to better your external circumstances, underestand, you will have to go many strivings and suffer to get into comfortable place, which is for indefinate amount of time, and will pass after some time, as you know life tends to change in unexpected ways. If you want to focus on innerwork, its a rabbithole, but it leads to freedom, mostly only suffering worth to going trough. How can you feel better? Use your suffering to inspire action for transformation, underestand that without action towards the change, there will be no change, just recognize that. Its ok, and just try try try alot of spiritual stuff out, follow your intuition, keep reining your consclusions, let your minds die, no matter what. Do i relate? I am in the process of dropping everything and just keeping my job, which is unfullfilling, rest is based on enlightenment work/ lifestyle advancment. Please, hang in there! You will thank yourself later.

An even bigger change is I believe the transformation from ego consciousness to a collective consciousness for humanity. A hidden breakaway civilization with a collective consciousness may already exist on earth. That's a totally different society than the public ego-based society. How to turn humanity and the whole earth into a planetary holon seems like something mindboggling to me, yet that's what people like Dr. Bruce Lipton have talked about. Lipton even said that we aren't even humans yet! Only when we form a unity will we become humanity, he said. We have evolved as far as is possible on an individual level according to Lipton. I interpret that as a coming evolutionary leap into a collective consciousness, what the Law of One calls a social memory complex.

Maybe taking things personally is normal when a person is talking to another person. It becomes impersonal only when one of them becomes deluded that they are something other than a person, above a person. Beyond a person. God isn't beyond a person, god is all inclusive, not anything above or beyond. I am not too attached to anyone. I am attached the exact amount to facilitate within me the grieving process to undergo the transformation that I have been waiting to experience since the moment I opened my eyes in this incarnation. Hahaha This made me laugh so much xD. How dare I... how dare I point out some rather insensitive and abrasive tendencies stemming from arrogance and entitlement, what an abuser am I. Ahaha Thank you for that dear India. That was prescious.

I'm interested in the change of direction Leo has taken. He makes a good point about rewatching his previously released episodes. The talk he gave a week ago was over 3 hours yet I watched it twice and would probably gain something if I watched it a 3rd time. His series on self deception is one I watched repeatedly. The idea of observing and processing one's own schadenfreude is something I've kept returning to. Purifying the emotional center is another way of putting it. The way it's expressed in Gurdjieff groups or Fourth Way Work,,, Metanoia is another rarely used word that has significance in regards to personal transformation. In the King James Bible, this Greek word - 'metanoia' was horribly translated as repentance. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metanoia_(theology) Martin Butler's last podcast is relevant to the idea that it's negativity that makes the world go around. How does ordinary resentment feed schadenfreude? Negative, lower emotions like resentment trashes out our third eye or intuitive capacities.

Watching Leo's latest video. "What if depth is the trap?" "If reality is infinite, then why do you keep going down the rabbit hole? There's no end." "What more is there to gain by going deeper?" All these questions popped into my mind. But then I realized something. Leo is just a talking head, myself, letting me know of farther terrain. See, I've been going through a huge transformation lately. This seemed to be a big sign, in neon letters: "I need to work on myself." Just as Leo went through a huge awakening, so have I. So many fears. So much uncertainty. Holding me back. Everything is just a "ping" for me to awaken further. That's all this reality is. My addictions are pleasure without joy. WHAT I'M AFTER IS JOY!!! My neuroses are just cycles that keep me from realizing I'm Infinite, pure Love. OF COURSE!!! Everything is a call to awaken deeper and discover more fruits. How have I been so blind? Do you realize? Everything in YOUR life is moving you closer to God. All you judgments, fears, and insecurities. ALL of it is preparing you to realize your true nature. If you were God, wouldn't that be how you would construct life? We are all scared. But the "you" that's scared is the "you" that must die. The last thing you want is to die. See, this connects with the last season of Mr. Robot, season 4 (can't recommend it enough). SPOILERS. (stop now and watch it on amazon prime unless you don't enjoy a wonderfully crafted and transcendent story. Seriously, you already got what you came for. These following words don't do it justice in the slightest. Watch it.) The "Elliot Alderson" you've been following for 4 seasons is not the "real" Elliot. He suffered from a split personality disorder. So the Elliot you've laughed with, cried with, rooted for, and hated for 4 fucking season has been the dark Elliot. The one who took over without you knowing it. The one who kept the "real" Elliot held hostage in a dream where every fantasy came alive. Almost every fantasy, that is. "You," that person you think you are reading these words on a screen, is the dark Elliot. An invader. Your society raised you this way. Certain traumatic events shaped you this way. "You" are built of walls and resistances to protect you from a cruel world... the one you couldn't love or accept in its totality. Because the real Elliot was raped as a child, he created another personality as a defense mechanism. The child created a monster without knowing it, and that monster started taking more and more control over his life. It was what he always wanted to be. For Elliot, he was an extremely smart little boy, with a Dad who showed him the wonders of computers and other technology. So the "dark" Elliot became a computer hacker who wanted to right all the wrongs in such a cruel society. He wanted to return all the power to the people. He saw all the injustice and wanted to make it right. He created "F-SOCIETY," a vigilante hacker group with the sole mission of taking down the big conglomerates and erasing all debt and economic injustice. If only it were that easy... Reflecting on my own life, what I wanted as a kid came true... I just wanted to play video games, jack off, and shut out the world. Yes, it's all clear to me now. I didn't want anything special. I didn't understand the world. I was spoiled rotten by my parents and became very self-centered. "Why do anything at all? Can't I just... do nothing and play video games? Pleasure myself? If there's no meaning to it all, what's the rush? Career??? Pshhh...." I've been acting out these childish wants for close to 10 years, and I explored their conclusions. It prepared me. Yet the "real" Elliot still calls to me. He's pushing me towards greater self awareness. I've seen things that can't be unseen. Awakening. Psychedelics. I can't stop understanding more about myself. I'm at a point where now where "I see you." The dark Elliot that has been running my life for so long. He's just a child. Scared. But I know he needs to die for the real Elliot to live on. That's how Mr. Robot ends. You see, the dark individuated consciousness watches a movie with his family one last time. He lets go. But he's ready to. He has suffered enough to understand that he's been robbing the real Elliot of the fruits of life. In fact, his whole journey through all 4 seasons has been pushing him to realize this. The last words of the show? His sister leans in, and whispers with heartfelt emotion like she's seeing him for the first time: "Hello, Elliot." The entire show, however dark it may have seemed, was really a potent story about Love. The "dark" part of Elliot was compelled to die, as a sacrifice for the "real" part of himself he never knew. The one thing the real Elliot never experienced in his prison dreamscape, was the love of his sister. We experienced a letting go; a death. But death is just imaginary. It's a necessary mechanic of evolution. For new growth to occur, first must come the destruction of the old. I must embrace that child in me. He's scared of what may happen. But I have to comfort him, and ensure that everything will be alright if he just lets go. There's a partition in all of us that doesn't want to let go. He's scared of the trauma that may be unleashed. Maybe there are experiences you've had that you couldn't love. But you are not that child anymore. You can now face these truths with a new perspective, if you're ready (and don't beat yourself up if you're not ready. It takes time). Let that child die in your arms, reborn. With Love.

It depends on what one defines as 'rigged' but when the Democratic party does everything it can to stack the process against Bernie including closing polling places in areas he had a clear advantage to gain more percentage points in tight contests making it harder for his supporters to actually vote. Not to mention the media doing everything it can to craft a negative narrative about Bernie in attacking everything about him including his supporters which really does influence undecided voters about whether they want to be painted in that way themselves. Then other candidates do everything they can to block him from potential delegates to win it outright with a majority it does make one consider that word could be apropos to the situation. Yet, that doesn't mean they actually cheated the vote count which would be election 'fraud' as opposed to what one could just consider 'rigged'. Of course, that does not erase what you suggest about their ability to transcend the things that would prevent them from being ready for such a transformation.

In awakening quite often the clarity we view our own self with also exists with how we view others but it may not be as complete of a transformation immediately so it will be a benefit to your path to discern whether you are seeing others in the clarity of awakening or the veil of ego.

Aging is a natural process and not a disease. Spirituality is a life long process of transformation. Nothing to do with aging. The whole idea that we'll be immortal is a huge fallacy. Technology can only aid survival but cannot halt death.

It's not meant for you or me or anyone who wants family, romance etc etc. It was designed for those gurus who sat alone meditating in the mountains and who wanted to live like a hermit away from cultural bondage. You need to account for the context here. They are not modern day motivational speakers with wife and family and a flying career. These were ancient hermits who lived and favored a particular lifestyle for themselves and their descendents It was a school and system that they followed very much like the rules or teachings of a catholic institution. You only have to apply nuggets that personally appeal and bring a progressive transformation in your life. Rest you need to ignore because it's not applicable to you but it was applicable to them in their time A lot of the eastern teaching of being away from society makes sense to Eastern people since back then (and even now but not often) societies were extremely oppressive and granted no freedom for spiritual exploration or even personal occupation of choice because of a rigid hierarchy. Hence running away from social burdens made absolute sense in terms of freedom and bliss

Sometimes self sabotage is the only way to progress... transformation is rarely linear. If Biden gets the nomination my gut is saying 4 more years of Trump as well. But 4 more years of Trump could very well create the collective suffering and damage needed to transform our society for future generations. I had hoped the damage already done would be enough.

It's really just cause they wanna be like Walter White in Breaking Bad. It's a sign of transformation you know.

As I mentioned before I inclined to yoga especially ashtanga because it grounding for my self. I reached the point where I decided to take teacher training course because it could serve as a survival instrument and I hoped that some of these people were far in the personal development. Well, I know it is not true and I realized that many of them they are just still stuck in survival mode. Not only that but I asked about yoga teacher jobs and I realized that yoga studios are screwing up yoga teachers and in order to earn enough money one has to waste lots of personal energy and there is no enough energy left for their own practice. So my goal become how to go beyond survival? There is no security in the world but I listened to Sadhguru and he expressed that it is almost first time in history that we can just buy stuff, live from it for a long time (a year or so) and concentrate on transformation. Hurrah, so I buy stuff, close myself, going to exercise and meditate and I'm going to transform myself into enlightened being. I realized that it might not be the path for me as one can look at it as running away and it can at certain point become a problem. How to go beyond survival as a householder with family? I had to wait until I have seen that my children can be self-sustained and I can be involved at the limited level. Anyway, I've observed that there is some healthy level of parents influence on children but beyond it parents just create barriers and blockages in children's future development. At the same time I look at my relationship(s) and I wonder what would happen to the relationships if one goes beyond survival? I see there issues with my addition to pleasure, porn and sex, I think I worry about the unknown. I transformed my life to a rhythm where I would incorporate meditation, yoga, self-development into my life. However, I've seen it is not enough. The only resolution I could come up is that I start something that would support my practice and at the same time bring some compensation that would support my life and expenses or at least part of expenses. So, I decided to start yoga studio where I would play a role as a teacher. At the same time I have to find a space which I would own and I could manage how much to pay yoga teachers so myself too. However, this idea changed over time and it transformed from yoga studio to holistic center. I would use topics and experiences that I went trough and offer it in terms of workshops over the time. I wondered how would I call it, I came up with an idea of sahaja yoga (sahaja means spontaneous enlightenment). Then friend of mine become involved in choosing name and she proposed name Arya and given that I wanted to involve her in the studio I changed the name. Also I did not want to influence things, I try to give things free flow. Then I was influenced by Leo's video which ultimately explained few things around Self and Love that I already experienced and I had them in my mind but they were not connected. I started to see connections and it led to ultimate idea for name: Self + Love.

Where to begin... this body is male around 40 years old and live in Sweden. Overweight but in pretty good shape strength-wise. But that doesn't matter. Ok let's start again I found actualized a few years ago. I have always had a life long interest in the "meaning of life" is suppose that's where it went wrong and right from the beginning. I now 30 years later realize that there is no concrete meaning to your life at least not how I had imagined it but then again I found a lot of helpful tools along the way to live life. Then again in the new year of 2019, I decided to meditate regularly. A primary reason was to have one critical skill to use if I got a terminal illness in the future. I figured it would be good to have rock-solid mindfulness. But the regular usage of the mediation app for 15 minutes to 30 minutes a day for a year started something. I could continue a connection to oneness were there before was no road ahead. Then I found actualized again when Leo made his real-time enlightenment becoming good video. Despite understanding that 99.9% of the earth's population must think he has become crazy everything made sense to me and I saw the final stretch of road to enlightenment. The thing is I have a life that is not compatible with enlightenment. And it resists the transformation. I can feel and predict it and I see that my ordinary life is crumbling for every inch of enlightenment I let into my life and every day. And it is so hard to stay the course because I have no one to tell to bounce ideas to ask for advice to share the transition with. I believe my whole life might change if I continue this road. I believe that once you have glimpsed the road there is no turning back. My work as a sales rep for a tech company was boring before but now it seems like madness to continue. And I can't let my mask slip at work but I am just an inch from telling them straight "I hate selling can we please do something creative instead?". Fear. Surely I will get fired for saying that. In my relationship, all decisions were fear-based and based on how to be a good boyfriend. We almost broke up but I stuck with it and promised myself to be true and speak my mind and wishes. This is of course not the deal she signed up for and thus the relationship might crumble. My "free" want to spend it in a state of ecstatic creative flow! But how a lifetime of keeping the lid on my creativity and waiting to figure out the meaning of life has set som breaks on that process but at least now I know what I am looking for. Spontaneous inspiration to do stuff. Things where the automatic reaction is "what might people say?" there I think is the best portal into an exciting creative opportunity. So I hope I will document this journey here. In some way. I don't want to be rich, famous or influential. I just hope that one day I can look back to this post and realize I now live a life where I am free to be true to myself and others. Where creative flow is my livelihood and I have no fear.

@Martin123 it's sort of interesting, whenever i had my first awakening after/during my reading of the power of now some years ago, i actually just assumed all the fears and unconscious behavior could be dealt with by simply grounding myself in the present moment. Over time it became incredibly hard to do this and i found myself binge watching and rereading more eckhart tolle, taking ice baths and meditating, especially when/before doing things i'd usually be all 'up in my head' about. Eventually i found out the hard way that having a mere awakening didn't change anything related to my attachment issues with women, the deep seeded fears and beliefs that felt natural to express still found their place. After i'd learned about the attachment theory everything seemed to click, i was given answers and solutions to how "i and others" perceived various situations. This went so deep i remember crying tears of joy that "how sick i could be" was learned behavior for self protection and that digging deeper into these issues was the "how to" transform into a healthy secure individual. Forgiveness was possible it seemed but like any other tool, it only gave what i was willing to accept about the story i'd been told by my very own programming; so ultimately, finding clarity in purpose and vision is by far the path to true self transformation. Is attachment theory necessary for this? No, but it can definitely be helpful in exposing blind spots. Ironically enough it can also be just as much a distraction/hindrance to changing one's story/narrative because it puts limitations that are only really circumstantial on oneself and others I don't think Nahm was intentionally trying to exploit/attack your ass (or way), but i can see how you'd interpret his post as such based off your previous posts. Truth is subjective dawg, your interpretation of his advice is what conjugated the accusations. His advice is completely valid, step out of the story, rewrite the script. Only without the understandings in attachment, the rough patches could be more daunting/unbearable as i found to be the case

@Nahm The clarity that arises is pretty simple. What you're suggesting is a form of spiritual elitism that ultimately devalues the ones who are in the midst of their healing journeys seeing self-realization as some sort of a promise of a relief, while being deceived by those who only use it as a form of spiritual escapism. Your attitude, with all due respect, isn't too far from what leads to allegations of sexual misconducts against spiritual Gurus who promise an all-encompassing relief in the form of transcendence. You cannot transcend suffering, you can only awaken to endure the suffering that acts as a divine agent of alchemy and transformation. Anything else is a rather harmful form of escapism that ultimately doesn't serve anyone, only delays one's evolution. It is fine to speak about self-realization when self-realization is the topic. But it has nothing to do with emotional integration and evolution, and the placement of such advice in these areas is rather dangerous, because the individuals on the path of emotional transformation (and while that is ultimately all of us) tend to be in very vulnerable and impressionable positions and states. Spiritual oppression, it is a patriarchal attitude leaking into the vulnerability of spiritual evolution. Not good @Nahm, truly, and I say this with love and respect, but absolute firmness and clarity. Not good at all.

It seems to me that there must be a subtle body within the physical body. Like a morphic field that controls how the body grows, how wounds are healed etc. The subtle body is I believe finer vibrations of the vacuum energy. And the subtle body interfaces with the physical body via the water in the body. (Water has amazing properties.) Moving from third to fourth density involves transcending the ego and getting a more advanced and capable subtle body. The ego shadow has to "die" to allow for a rebirth into a collective fourth density consciousness. And that "birth" process is about fourth density capacity through the Holy Spirit moving into the subtle body and into the physical body through the water in the body. It's a transformation from a third density body to a fourth density body, what Christians sometimes call a glorified body.

@Francis Trach Just my own 2 cents. For anything to have sentience it must have what can be termed "reality sentience". This means that to the extent that there is sentience, the person is aware of and can make adjustments to reality. This is the definition of free will. You are an aspect of reality, which is to the extent that you have sentience, free to transform reality. To this extent, you as reality, are responsible for every decision that is bound up and made within sentience, outside this, you are excused. Free will and sentience have a coupling which cannot be uncoupled, this is because sentience itself exists as a kind of freedom, this is why awareness appears as a kind of "nothingness", this is because this is the encasing by which contents can flow through and you can make changes to the universe through the synthesis that your consciousness engenders in its interaction with those contents. This doesn't mean we're "all powerful free will universal changing beings" of course, meaning free will exists on a spectrum and we exist somewhere to the right in the animal kingdom as well as individual differences existing right across the human population. Free will resides in the prefrontal cortex mostly, thus it is the place where people should concentrate most if they wish to improve their free will incrementally over the long term rather than have it diminish more and more with age due to misuse and lack of use. There's really no way out of free will unfortunately, and I seriously doubt anyone here would be able to logically falsify the statement. Reality exhibits ultimate sentience and therefore ultimate free will relative to that sentience, we are like tiny microbes as reality which have been granted with awareness to reconfigure along with reality in the larger picture of realities ongoing transformation and understanding of itself.

@Nahm defiantly leaps & bounds from 3 years ago but it’s cool, for a while there it was like I was bipolar, some days Blissed out, some days Mr. Anxiety, All part of the transformation I guess, if I can keep progressing like this I know one day I’ll be great! self inquiry is also an all day event with me which is an amazing tool as well. shinzen young said his stream entry of enlightenment was with sds & his polishing or finishing off was with self inquiry. I believe he said this.

Hello – I’ve discovered writing trip reports in this fashion really helps me with integration and the last two I’ve shared seem to be received well from the forum, so here I am with my latest haha. This will be kind of long, but it’s very powerful material. This will be written using personal pronouns and from a perspective of ego, but please do your best to intuit the relativity here. Background: To really understand this trip, I have be fully honest about what’s lead me to this point in my life. I was unfortunately very misguided, unknowledgeable, and unwise when I graduated high school. See, I went into University without much of a plan or vision about what kind of life I wanted, all I knew is that everyone kept telling me I had to go to school. It didn’t matter if I had to take out student loans, I HAD to go. Well, fast forward and I’m senior about to graduate school and I have a little over $100K in debt. Yep. I felt foolish, I felt so much regret, I felt like an fucking idiot. How could I have let this situation unfold? Why didn’t I have the simple foresight to see this path was wildly un-strategic and a bad idea? To be honest, there was and still has been this deep existential dread associated with these loans that really sank into the core of my being as I went through school; it was like these loans provided a background vibration, or context to my waking experience that pounded away at my excitement for life, just dulling it with every beat. As if this wasn’t enough, two weeks before graduation I go to the emergency room where I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, a pretty brutal autoimmune disorder that if not managed correctly will slowly destroy multiple body systems and kill you. It pretty much slowly damages the body even when you have good control though. I remember feeling so hopeless that night in the hospital room. Not only did I have $100k in debt, but now I had one of the most expensive chronic illnesses in the United States (look into insulin costs) that could really ravage my body. So this trip felt like some sort divine healing session where I truly tapped into all of my pain and trauma from this situation, but in a theme of going full-circle, simultaneously tapped into my inner potential and why I’m here living this life. The only words I can use to describe what the peak felt like was going Super Saiyan, which I’m sure a large majority of the forum knows about from the anime Dragon Ball Z. I don’t mean to sound cheeky or humorous here, it’s just the only term I could think of to describe what happened during this trip. Set: I wrote down 4 questions: What is vision? What is intention? What is will? Who is doing all of this? Setting: As per usual, my room, my music, and my cat. Themes: - Super Saiyan - Vision and Life Purpose - Lightwork - Will - Patience - The Principle of Keep Going Super Saiyan One of the most amazing faculties of psychedelics is that they allow mind to tap into different experiences of time. During the peak, write before I felt like I achieved a state of “Super Saiyan,” it felt like a giant energetic bubble was growing in my body, almost like a ball of lava, within which all of my pain, particularly the pain from my loans and illness came crashing into awareness all at once. I experienced the years of my college education in this one moment. I experienced all the existential dread from those loans at once. I experienced the emotional pain from every finger prick and insulin injection, every high and low blood sugar episode at once. I felt all my helplessness at being chained by the American education system, I felt all of my helplessness at being the bitch of the American Pharmaceutical Industry, having to pay absurd amounts of money for health insurance and medicine just to live. And as the bubble expanded further and further, something snapped inside. Everything went full circle. It felt like kundalini or some other energetic force shot through the emotional bubble inside my body, and suddenly I was at complete and utter peace. It was like I was in the eye of my storm. It felt like I had completely let go of all of the pain, all of the trauma. However, just like in physics energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed and that’s what this emotional surge did, it completely transformed. The energy from the pain was still 100% there, but it no longer was trauma, it was vitality. It felt zen. It felt like perfect harmony. It felt like perfect balance. It felt like with every breath I drew in, I could feel the universe providing energy for my purpose and with every breath I drew out, I felt like I as God was breathing out this purpose into the world. It was like a hurricane of energy was emanating from my body and mind instead of being stored inside as mental pain and bodily tension. This state of Super Saiyan is one of complete nowness, complete peace, complete fearlessness, complete effortlessness, and interestingly enough, complete formlessness. As motivation, inspiration, pain and suffering ebb and flow through life, you can find inner indestructibility as your true self. To act from this authentic space of inner potential is what it means to go Super Saiyan. And what's so beauitful, is that it is available in every moment. Vision and Life Purpose I realized how incredibly powerful vision is. Vision can be the context for your entire life. Every action you take, no matter how small (brushing your teeth) or how large (working on your life purpose) can be done within this overarching meta context that we can call vision. Recently I’ve felt in somewhat of a limbo with vision, almost like I’ve been embarrassed or scared to fully embrace my life purpose, but this is no longer the case. I’m here to teach other’s about spirituality and help the collective consciousness of humanity wake up. I will do this through public speaking one day. At this moment, I’m very focused on paying my loans off by the time I’m in my mid 30s (I’m 23), so I’m using YouTube as a way to get my voice out. My channel’s name is Existential Wonder if you’re interested. Eventually however, I want to find a way to do this through public speaking rather than video. Anyways, your vision is like a beacon for the energy of your form, your ego, your avatar, your survival as an individual, to align and attract towards with action. The more you understand your true nature, the more you will understand what your life purpose is and what type of vision you need for your life. Initially it may seem like there’s a paradox here. If your true nature of formlessness, and nothing actually matters, why pursue Life Purpose? And isn’t Life Purpose all kinda egoic in nature? It’s about the individual, and I’m not an individual, I’m infinite formlessness. One of the interesting features of God is that it operates at multiple levels, multiple perspectives simultaneously, so even though yes you are God, you are also a human doing human work, doing human survival. The nature and context of this survival can be more or less aligned with your soul, your “higher self.” I know some people on this forum dismiss such notions of higher self, but what you need to understand is that your higher self is just as much you and not you as a coffee cup. It’s simply an energetic force that resides within the whole of your experience as living as a human. It’s your self-actualization. Believe it or not, you as God want this energetic force, this energetic potential to play out and manifest. More on this later. Essentially though, vision is the beacon to center this massive energy and infinite potential that you have as an individual. As the energy grows inside of you, as you feel the call to Self-Actualize, and find your purpose, vision is the lightening rod to harness and create a single pointed focus for the energy. This helps you align all of your actions towards your mission rather than being swept away by devilry. Let vision be the context for all your action. I encourage everyone reading this to find your purpose ASAP. Can’t recommend Leo’s life purpose course enough, it’s incredible. Will Ah, the ol free will vs. no free will debate. I know there will be non-dualists here that disagree with me, and there will even be scientists who’d disagree with me, but I don’t really care. The fact of the matter is that you do have will, you do have choice. Your will is to self-actualize and return to yourself, to find enlightenment. This is what you're here to do. This is what you truly want to do. Let me reiterate, this is what you WANT TO DO. This is your DEEPEST SEEDED DESIRE. So here’s the thing, in every moment you can either choose to act from a place of devilry, or place of authenticity. The freedom of both is available, that’s how much freedom you really have as God. And no matter which option plays out, it’s the Will of God haha. It’s kind of a mindfuck… And it doesn’t make sense. But please realize Free Will is you becoming conscious of the fact that in every moment, you are truly free to act from whatever place you want. You are 100% free to be a devil (to play out your hedonism, addictions, cower from your fears, and embrace laziness, and basically be selfish), or you can be you (act from a place of fearlessness, self-actualization, truth, love, and selflessness). That’s really what free will means. It means there is the freedom for the energy to play out whoever it’s going to play out and if you think you can’t start taking action that aligns with your true nature, you are wrong. To dismiss free will is to dismiss the energetic freedom available from taking action. I wish I could explain this more, but I’ll leave you with this: Never underestimate your willpower. Don’t try to figure it out with your rational mind. Become conscious of your Absolute Freedom. Lightwork Leo’s latest blog post really brought this to my attention. During the trip, it felt like that I became conscious that I am in this particular life very much on purpose, almost like this life was chosen by me as God. It was important that I be chained to multiple western systems (student loans and healthcare) because I’m not here to leave society as hermit or monk, or to live life modestly and out of sight. I’m here to help humanity wake the fuck up very much as an active member of society. It felt like I became conscious that all this suffering I experienced from my loans and illness was all necessary to get my ass in gear so to speak. The suffering was needed to give me the energy for my life purpose. If I wanted to live a life of seclusion and meditation, I’d have been incarnated as someone who goes off and lives that life. No, I’m here to help plant the seeds of collective awakening for humanity. Now I have to be careful here not to get some kind of messiah mentality. I don’t feel like a messiah or Jesus figure. I don’t feel special, or better than others. I realized on the trip that this lightwork role can only truly be manifested from a place of humility and selflessness. The moment you think your better than others or casting judgement on other’s, you’re being a devil and don’t understand what Truth and Love are really all about. This trip felt like I finally, and fully accepted the mantle of responsibility for my suffering and for my purpose here as a member of humanity. And Leo’s blog post of lightwork really resonated with how my life has been and continues to be. Oddly enough, it felt like this life really was a choice, these struggles really were a necessary part of the path that I accepted long ago… Before birth. I remember this energy inside of me feeling so ancient, like it had been slumbering and waiting for a moment of activation. But who knows man. Psychedelics get some weird mind states going. Patience You’ve got to be patient. Patience for yourself as you wake up fully as God, patience as you self-actualize, patience as you manifest your life purpose, patience as you work through your traumas and suffering. In the state of being Super Saiyan, part of the overwhelming peace that I’d achieved was that I found the importance of patience through this transformational process. Patience is one your strongest allies, and I became conscious of just how important it really is for all facets of life. Your path will take time, transformation and evolution takes time. Just be patience and trust yourself. When you can act from a place of patience, you are literally aligning with the forces of biological nature here… So just be patience and breath. The Principle of Keep Going I’d discovered this life principle a while ago, but I really rediscovered it on this Trip. It’s entirely self-explanatory, which is why it’s so effective and beautiful. Just keep going. No matter what struggles you’re forced to endure, no matter how much you suffer, no matter how much pain you have inside, keep going, please keep going. You owe it yourself on all levels, as an ego, as the collective consciousness of humanity, as the collective consciousness of Earth, and as God, to keep going. Keep persisting and never give up on your path. Until your last breath, keep fucking going dude. You have the tools to available. Actualized.org is literally a gold mine of the techniques, habits, strategies you need to succeed at your purpose no matter what flavor or variation it takes on. We are all incredible fortunate to have found this place. Life is going to throw everything it has at you; your inner devil is going to keep tempting you over and over and over. You’re going to suffering enormously. You’re going to feel unmotivated, lazy, helpless, depressed, ashamed. Your negative emotions are going to try and rule your life, but you’ve got to find that inner peace and inner stillness that I promise is inside, and keep going. Keep going until you see who you truly are and what you’re here to do. As this dynamic of the trip was playing out, an image flashed into mind. It was an image I drew years ago in a state of deep depression, but I see now more than ever what I was drawing. Now more than ever, I feel ready to face the work of this lifetime. Thank you for providing the space to share.