Rodrigo SIlva

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  1. @Nahm Well it does seem to be bullshit however people report seeing images and receive messages from higher beings and stuff like that which even if it's just imagination it would still scare the shit out of me and be a deviation from what I'm going for with the spiritual path
  2. @Pacific Sage @StarStruck @StarStruck I don't know a lot about chakras but isn't it recommended that you open them in a certain order? I heard that having the chakras unbalanced can cause problems. Also is kundalini related to this? Can the third eye open without the kundalini stuff because I know that kundalini is pretty intense stuff and a lot of people are not ready for it
  3. Yeah it does seem like seeing reality more clearly almost like I'm in another place and it feels better than normal experiencing just a little more disorienting probably because I'm new to it. What really keeps me from surrendering is the fear of the psychic stuff that seems to happen. I don't know if I could handle seeing evil entities and stuff like that while I'm trying to sleep at night. I'll definitely try that exercise
  4. Damn it must be nice to have an all in mentality. When it comes to spirituality I always have that thought in my mind "Will I be able to handle this? Am I throwing myself into a world of suffering?"
  5. I recently saw a video shared here on the forum of a woman that opened her third eye and went straight to hell seeing demons and she just wanted to kill herself long after. That video was pretty traumatizing considering that I've been feeling an intense tingling and sometimes even pain in the third eye area. So I decided that I wasn't ready to face the possibility of seeing demons and visit hell so I stoped meditating and the sensation on the forehead went away. But for some reason I just can't stop myself from questioning my experience and inquiry the self while I'm wondering around the house. Last night the questioning was making me get very conscious and very very present and more aware of the aliveness of everything and I started again feeling the intense sensasion in the third eye. I tried to avoid it but as long as I got a little more relaxed I got it again and started to have a lot of fear. So I coundn't sleep last night because I cound't face the possibility of the demons and shit like that. If I just surrender the sensation in the forehead starts to get really really intense and pulls me deeper and deeper into another experience which I don't know if I can really handle. Wtf do you think I should do? Maybe I'm just not ready for this work and there is a way to get back. Or maybe I should get some balls and dive into it. I can't really not meditate because I'm too concious of all the suffering of my daily life but going deeper is scarying the shit out of me. Even 50ug of lsd is a bit scary to me.
  6. UPDATE: After a few days of distracting myself avoiding silence as much as possible I got the balls to shut down the computer and face the silence. And I started to have the same experience I had after the trip. I felt like I was falling into the void, reality was collapsing on itself and I was starting to realize very clearly that I don't exist. My heart was beating really really fast and at a certain point I got too scared and resisted it. Then it kept pulling me into it everytime I was silent so I had no choice and kept surrendering and then resisting and gradually surrendering all of what it wanted me to surrender. After that I felt this HUGE peace like a ton of weight has left my shoulders and I realized that I'm going through an intense spiritual transformation where it's no longer about being all peaceful and happy during meditation but what feels like the letting go of my physical self and physical reality. My meditation sessions are just a whole new thing now, 10x to 100x more powerful and a lot scarier. CONCLUSION: It seems like psychedelics loosen up your ego structure or even blow it apart and when the ego comes back it doesn't come back to it's original structure but to a weaker, more fragile and less rigid structure which can be much more easily dismantled by your normal meditation afterwards. So contrary to my previous belief psychedelics can be used to increase your everyday level of consciousness by leaving your ego structure more fragile than before the trip. Now maybe this only happens if the ego structure was already really weak and it was about to happen anyway, more experimentation needs to be done. But for now I see LSD (and maybe psychedelics in general) as a fucking amazing tool to increase your baseline level of consciousness which is what it's most critized for not being able to do.
  7. I've actually done a lot of meditation before this trip. I was almost feeling like I was about to have some breakthrough. So the fear could very well come from the meditation with a little push from the LSD. I mean I'm starting to think that there is no going around it. There will be moments of disorientation and fear on this path with or without psychedelics. @Nadosa I've also had similiar experiences or even more intense experiences without the influence of psychedelics. How did you deal with it?
  8. @Aaron p I'm still hesitant with mdma because it seems like it can cause brain demage and I know some people get really addicted to it. Xanax for sure it's always around in case of an emergency. Just having it around actually make me feel much more relaxed about the whole thing
  9. Yeah I'm not entirely sure if psychedelics are really a useful tool to go deeper in any lasting way or just a short term profound experience. But at the very least it seems to leave you with a lot of food for thought which could be helpful in the sober self-inquiry practices.
  10. @Serotoninluv This has been exactly my experience and it actually makes sense that if the fear is grounded on an ilusion that with enough exposure to it the mind starts to stop resisting it because it recognizes that there is no danger in letting go. So has long as we have the courage to face the fear it shouldn't be too much of a problem. I think the real problem happens when we don't have that courage to look at the illusory monster right in the eyes but keep running away from it reenforcing it's reality.
  11. Well my perception says that I'm here and I'm experiencing stuff. That's all. And this feeling of here is inside my body and more pronounced in the head.
  12. I'm not sure if I understood your point. The trouble with the surrendering is that my mind doesn't know where to invest it's sense of self and security in. Like when I speak it's confusing to understand what is that thing that is speaking like if the rigid self got loosened up and now I'm not so sure who I really am. So I guess the belief that is dropping is the belief of being this very specific character.
  13. Yeah that sounds like the right thing to do
  14. Thanks for the advice! Yeah the thing is that I felt like it went half way but never got to any release. I know some people find 50ug a little anxious, weird, boring because it comes up but there is never a real release from the ego, the mind never goes kabom. Do you think this unsettling vibe could be because of the half dose or is it just my inability to surrender properly and with more dose there will just be more resistance?