Martin123

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  1. For anyone interested in attachment styles, this is the go-to resource 100% https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ
  2. With all due respect and understanding the reality of your experience, this is just a judgement against femininity. The feminine is the receiver, and it has nothing to do with sexual orientation or gender. You're not actually fearing homosexuality, you're fearing your own emotional needs, because they have been unfulfilled and repressed for so long.
  3. @Buba Hey Buba, your fear is understandable, however I would like to suggest that your fear of becoming attracted to men actually manufactures a belief in your mind that says If I allow myself to fully feel and surrender to whatever is coming up for me at this time, I will only be attracted to men and will be changed for good. And thats simply not the case. You might find yourself perhaps being a little more fluid sexually or perhaps just less repressed and judgemental towards yourself and others as a result of this process, however the fear of 'your life being distroyed' is just a trick your ego is playing on you to make it scary for you to surrender to the feelings that have been repressed for so long. You can allow yourself to just relax, feel through all this, validate all your thoughts and concerns about this topic, and yet realize and see that all this is just a big transition from repression to sexual freedom, that can only make you more free, more aligned and happier with yourself and others just as you are. It's a gate-way to harmony but because your ego has been trained to fear harmony and be familiar with rigid structures and dis-harmony, it feels foreign and terrifying. So may you find courage to follow through this rite of passage into sexually free masculinity.
  4. @Farnaby You're right. I find her teachings to have an invalidating and almost controlling quality. Strange thing about 'the work' is that if you imagined another person talking to you in the way that work suggests for you to talk to yourself, you wouldn't be incorrect by calling them abusive and engaging in gas-lighting. It can create an adversarial relationship with your mind and heart. Make you your own enemy. I should also add that the work is perfect for the recovery from narcissistic tendencies, but that's not you is it...
  5. Aw you're so sweet! thanks! Yeah, you seem to have a history of being more head-centered rather than emotion centered. You just gotta bring it into balance We can't figure out the world with our heads, we have to learn how to feel our way through it and let the mind be the source of discernment that informs and interprets our path, while having a compass in our emotions. Personally to me this is a strange thing because I've always been very feeling centered, and I had to go the opposite way, I had to find a way with discernment into situations and places where my emotional openness would be equally as respected by others, just as much as I am emotionally open to everyone I meet. The heart needs to make peace with the head, and the head needs to surrender to the heart. Its a beautiful love-story between the head and the heart. Pretty dramatic Lots of plot-twists. PS: Based on what you've told me I can't recommend journaling about your feelings enough. I'd do it at least twice a day, or as much as you would like. For you there can never really be a limit into such an exploration.
  6. @Unwiring Hey, apologies for late response I was sick and had to take care of myself so I could respond in a meaningful way. What you're describing feels a little bit to me like you're walking around with an assumed rejection, which can be used as a subconscious reason why connection with other people won't work. In order to transform this really what you need to do is to connect with your own heart. The connection with your own heart can only translate on the outside as the connection with others, because we are all one. Meaning the heart that we have in ourselves is the same one heart that all others have within them. It is the heart of hearts, the heart of the universe. I can feel the desire within you to transform this and I wanna ensure you that you are on the right track with self-love etc. As per how to properly love yourself (as that is the thing that matters the most), I think you'll be happy that it can actually be broken down into a process. 1. Honesty - you always have to start with complete honesty about what you feel (not what you think about what you feel, but what you feel). In any way you can do this, - I feel sad, I feel empty, I feel nothing, I feel depressed, anxious, joyful, bored etc. And then you can go deeper - well what do I feel empty about? What do I feel depressed about? What exactly am I sad about? For this you can grab a pen and paper and write out anything as if your feelings could talk - what would they say? Just pure feeling-stream on the paper. After it feels like whatever your emotions had to say exhausts itself - step 2. 2. Being with yourself. Being with the feelings and emotions, and being with your heart. This doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as being alone, but truly being centered in your feeling center, and being present with whatever emotion arises. That's a real meditation - not a state of dissociation or detachment, but a state of being a companion, parent and caretaker to all your feelings. 3. Acknowledging, appreciating and loving every feeling into whatever it needs to feel safe enough to reach completion - do the feelings inside of you need support? Attention? Love? Feel like they are being held? Embraced? Heard? Anything that comes up, any need - may you fulfill it. May you open up the floodgates of the love that awaits your arrival within your heart of hearts.
  7. @Unwiring I would also like to add that the Loss you mentioned isn’t the core issue. The core issue is the detachment from your emotions - the loss is something you’ve avoided facing not because of the pain itself, but because there was already an unsafety and programming that convinced you that emotions are unsafe and must be suppressed. That is why I talk about neglect.
  8. @Unwiring well you can really just start by contradicting the loss as you mentioned (and I’ll just call it neglect because for a child that’s what fits the best) and start really paying attention to your emotions and body, loving all parts of you that might feel unsafe, and notice how you keep people at distance, and realise that you’re only doing that because on some level you don’t feel safe. because you haven’t really acknowledged the neglect inside of you, and neglect is just the lack of connection and attention, it’s projected outwards onto others where you’re essentially ‘neglecting’ people close to you. It’s not something horrifying as real neglect can only really exist in a parent child relationship, but it is worth noticing that the dynamic (Or the lack there of) you had with your parents (very sorry for your loss) repeats itself - and it won’t stop until you start building a loving relationship with your emotions, your inner child and your heart.
  9. Also please be careful with this attitude as it is as if you were saying 'I shouldn't need to feel safe', which is just a contradiction of your own experience and a way of denying yourself of what you need to emotionally mature, only because you were brought up by people who likely sent you that message as well, repeating a cycle from your parents.
  10. @Elham Hi Elham. Sexual fantasies are closely connected to unresolved emotional needs. Your desire to 'change your sexual fantasy' is synonymous with wanting to resolve that emotional need from childhood - If I had to guess I'd tune in and actually say that what you specifically need is to feel safe, root chakra stuff. Probably your parents not the safest to be around at all times - look there. I heard a great quote by Craig Holliday - 'Sexual issues are usually psychological issues.' With you it will be specifically about exploring what you can do to make yourself feel more safe, your boundaries, your ability to have a choice in the relationship about what you want to experience even if it is different from your partner, and what you would like to do in bed that would actually meet that need for safety - it's not wrong to go in the direction of the fantasy because you're getting closer to feeling safe on an emotional and physical level.
  11. Your answer lies in this sentence. You appear intimidating to others (and while their reaction and perception of you is about their journey) because there is a desire within you not to need anyone. That's not actually what real detachment is. When you try to be detached from needing relationships you create an inner struggle against relationships, in this way you are bound to become in some way relationally unsafe for other people's vulnerable and emotional experiences, appearing as a lack of empathy, compassion, or overall awareness of other people's feelings and emotions - precisely because you've chosen to deny this part of your life. This phenomenon is very common in individuals who have experienced consistent emotional neglect in their childhood, which when first touched with consciousness can appear as anger, frustration and passive-aggressive communication, as if you were touching a sensitive wound and the inflammation around it caused a burning sensation. If others perceive you to be aggressive or speaking in anger, it's the wound within you melting its inflammation. Its up to you to become more aware of it, and embrace it. You see, you're not actually detached form personal relationships, you're just neglecting that aspect of the human experience because that is what's been modeled to you and you subconsciously perceive as a safe comfort zone. Let go of that neglect by being emotionally giving and give yourself the permission to overtime gather the courage to actually become emotionally attache, even with the inevitability of grief and loss.
  12. @Cocolove I don't think there's anything wrong with natural and alternative remedies, yet there is something reeking of irresponsibility when the visit to the doctor is rejected. Go to a doctor, you're not obliged to take anti-biotics that is your choice, but only in that way can you know what's really going on and afterwards apply what-ever natural or alternative way of healing yourself ill be appropriate
  13. @aaalex thanks! Really glad you liked it! Congratulations on your mature relationship! It’s truly wonderful to see that there is committed loving partnership devoted to the evolution of consciousness out there.
  14. @mkrksms Hi man! I would really like to say to you that you don't heal a lack of security and trust in a relationship through exposing yourself to an insecure (polyamorous) relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable. The way you heal insecurity is through exposing yourself to a secure connection and saying no to anyhing that violates that secure base. I mean.. think about it. We develop a secure attachment with our primary caretakers when they are always available, safe, predictable and attuned to us and fully able to meet our needs. Through saying YES to a relationship that doesn't meet the needs of your security you're actually retraumatizing yourself and allowing that memory to stick around in your nervous system as if you were saying 'it's okay that it happened to me in the past as it is something I am reliving in the present an putting up with', without doing justice to the scared innocent child within you that doesn't know what it is to truly trust another from its past experiences. As if you haven't acknowledged and fully believed that you deserve better than the tragedy of your past.
  15. @Vxvxen Thanks for the post! I appreciate it truly from my heart Very glad you liked it. I think the answer to your question is quite simple. You're never back to square one! Every relationship, every moment of grief, sadness, disappointment or loneliness opens you up into being more loving with yourself, and closer to creating a relationship with an equal partner that can embrace all of you just as you can embrace all of them. If there is a part of you that does feel like it's back at square one, it is more about embracing the feelings that are coming up that are perhaps leaving us feeling like a failure after an ended relationship, or an expectation that we should have been able to make it work, or that we should have been further along with our development etc. If you take those feelings and embrace them with a mindset, that they are actually a healing that is happening as a result of an ended relationship (I assume that's what we are speaking about), and are going to be of infinite benefit once fully felt and integrated, it can make it much easier to just settle into those uncomfortable moments, and feel your way into a better future.