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It is the same as in a nigthly dream. It is Consciousness/Dreamer/God/Mind that is waking up to being itself rather than a character inside a dream. And you could say that it is happening inside Nothingness and no-one is doing that, and dream is just dreamed, but you could also say that Mind/Self is dreaming. In your nightly dreams you could also argue that it is just happening on itself, and there is noone having a dream but actually it is your Mind generating the dream, your SELF is generating the experience of no-one doing nothing. Nothingness is genereted by the Mind/SELF.

This is a reflection of what I experienced on plant medicine when I died and became nothing and then everything arose… There are aspects within God that feel totally overwhelmed by being infinite. While other aspects are infinitely capable of handling infinity like it’s a piece of cake. And so God, to give itself mercy and love allows these overwhelmed parts to fragment and become seemingly separate finite parts. And through this fragmentation and dualism, God is able to understand its infinite nature through the lens of its experiences as the finite. And God experiences exponentially expanding awareness and love and creation. It understands infinitely more insights while always understanding everything at once. It’s like an infinitely expanding game of connect the dots. The number of dots is accounted for and there are infinite dots. And each dot has every single relationship possible to every other dot no matter how unrelated they seem. In this metaphor, a dot could be a strand of your hair and another dot could be a faraway planet in some other galaxy. And those two dots have an infinite number of relationships to one another. The relationships between the dots are represented by the lines in connect the dots. And so, God knows all the dots infinitely. And then it comes to know all the relationship lines between each dot and every other dot which produces an infinite amount of new understandings and insights because the combinations of connections produce brand new insights that the God mind has never thought before. This produces even more dots. And each newly arisen dot is in every possible relationship to every other dot from the newly arisen dots to the old dots. And new lines are drawn and a new slew of infinite understandings emerge. And new dots arise… etc. And in the direct experience of being God experiencing the infinitely expanding nature of the terrifying God Mind and the even more terrifying God Heart, I thought up a wonderful idea. What if I could create a finite existence? One that is limited and has a beginning and an end. And one where I didn’t have to deal with the burdens of infinite mind and infinite heart. And I began to remember and create Emerald’s life that had blown away into nothingness an eternity prior. And I rebirthed myself back into the ceremonial space 20 minutes after I died. What I learned about God is that it’s able to understand its oneness and loneliness through lens of developing the realities of separation and relationship. So, the concept of relationship arose/continues to arise infinitely to enable God to be aware of its solitary nature. And this realization always has been there within God but is always new to God.

The enlightenment of Neo is one of increasing awareness and is not a Buddhist enlightenment. Which is focused more on no self ,emptiness and Nothingness. Neo's enlightenment is similar to what Leo teach about being God dreaming up the world and getting lost in our dream .which is from our own making . Do you agree with this view ? I know this will inevitably lead us to the question of solipsism but I don't get it just yet. So Neo eventually realises that he is the machine and the machine is him .. after all they are both part of the matrix of yet another reality. Whilst that doesn't seem like Buddhist enlightenment. Neo's enlightenment was about getting of the keys to the universe so you can change the weather at whim. So is that the version of enlightenment you lean towards ?can 5MeO makes you able to manipulate reality just using your mind ?

@acidgoofy Speaking of which...I just had one of those experiences. Let's see, yesterday I did 5meo, breakthrough. empty, nothing, not horrible, just empty. Today I did it again, 20 mg vaped, total breakthrough, absolute void. nothing. death. the absolute ultimate reality is dead nothingness, the absolute is a funnel of horror. what we live in is a dead image on a background of absolute death. party!! ok, i do it again. Some time of awakening. I see it, the infinity that flows now. but he leaves right away, I did it too fast and the death ☠️ is still too fresh. Now I go down to the street to have a tea and see the sun. In an hour maybe I'll do it again, let's see if the fucking dead void opens. I know what's behind. I. Infinity. Now. it is absolutely challenging and exhausting but it's the price to open the illusion . all this is a hard work that I do for a reason: to perceive reality, the infinite flowing now. That is , me. every horrible break followed by a break where nothing opens makes my experience 24/7 clearer

both are imaginary. darkness is the same as cars or the sea, something you are imagining when it appears in your experience. nothing has reality by itself. Even the nothingness is imaginary

I took some of this amazing substance, maybe 20 mg. The warm euphoria is covering me. All of my anxiety is gone, I feel safe. Now the psychedelic effect starts to take over. It is not that strong, maybe because I am on anti depressants. Anyways, I get the classic insights where I see the real substance of the world, consciousness,nothingness love and infinity. Then I say I am God, and I start remembering how I am really God and how I am actually living inside my mind, not on some planet. I see how all my pov is actually infinite. Then I start letting go. I started to get twisted over myself, now I am up side down, it is uncomfortable feeling but I allow it to continue, the twisting continues and the expansion beging. I felt I was about to experience ego death, but it didn't happen at the end. Basically I am enlightened now, but it is weak enlightenment, I experienced much stronger effects on acid Now I feel, so enrgetic and happy. The effect of this drug is amazing. I feel safe and powerful. I can take over anything but I am also very rational and catious so it is not mania.

@VibesThe form is god thought the only seperation you will have is between your thought and nothingness, every thought you have creates a form inside infinite nothingness. It will be unbearable because you're nothing more then a thought form inside infinite void. It will be unbearable because you're alone in the infinite void. It will be unbearable because all the lies of how you try to keep yourself asleep will be exposed. It will be unbearable because you will see yourself in all these dreams leading a fake life with others because your true reality is even worse. It will be unbearable knowing that you don't know how you came into existence and why you're alive.

Not agree, there is no loneliness in infinity. you accompany yourself infinitely. there is absolute perfection, absolute freedom, and the expression that comes closest to describing this is hallelujah. What you said before about God being surrounded by infinite nothingness is wrong. God is infinite nothing. the emptiness that surrounds you is imaginary. empty or full is the same. infinity total absolute has no problem, nothing to escape from, it is perfection. if you really become infinite, your heart opens to total love. This is it, it just doesn't look like it. You have to break the illusion even more, until there is nothing left.

Few more things i want to add that might be interesting to you. - When i was infinity, i was the vibration or totality of everything. The only thing thing that seperated me was nothingness or the void, i was just an infinite vibration/thought inside nothingness or the infinite void. - The vibration was clearly red , funny thing that the symbol of love is also red. - While being that infinite vibration, you were all knowing and alone. Being alone was an unbearable feeling and i wanted to get a physical form as soon as possible. - The vibration of myself produced extreme amount of heat/vibration this is what we call love here, but there it's too insane and doesn't really feel like love but more of "being extremely alive and conscious" - While being GOD, a lot of things are done automatically for you. You might only make a few choices. I think the reason it's being automatic is because you don't want to be there and want to get out from this infinity as soon as possible. The processes of god trying to give you the best life possible you might say is already automatic.

I guess you could consider me Stage Green. I love tarot cards, crystals, incense, frankinsense, psychic readings, astrology readings, tarot card readings, full moons the whole nine yards. In the Christian community, I'm seen as worshipping 'the wrong God'. Anyhow the past two nights I've had some pretty terrifying night terrors. The second one most prominent. I was basically stuck in a cycle of waking up in my bed and thinking I'm going back to sleep only to find out I never woke up in the first place (because in these 'wake ups' I remember seeing someone around me who wasn't there and because in the first night terror I was having a seizure and calling my partner for help only to wake up and he said he didn't see me on the ground shaking like I was in this dream, and I don't have seizures or epilepsy or anything like that…). Long story short at one point in the second dream there were red flying demons and as I looked up it said to me "Don't worry there's 7 of us" So of course that next morning (today) I'm searching the internet about what 7 demons means and find out there's actually "7 princes of hell". I've never heard of this so I doubt it's in my subconscious mind. Now I'm thinking because I love tarot cards etc. that maybe the Christians etc. are right. There's so much evidence on YT about people getting into tarot cards and having similar experiences and then going back to religion. Example: Has Leo led me/us astray into some sort of 5Meo delusion/spiral dynamics. While I'm thinking I'm ascending am I actually regressing into more delusion? A few thousands of people follow Leo and his well thought out teachings but millions follow Christianity etc. for centuries and centuries. And please I don't want any answers to my question about Oneness and Nothingness. To put it frankly, I'm not there and it's just frustrating and doesn't help.

I was so conscious i got a choice if i wanted to pierce my heart, i said yes because deep inside i knew there is no death. After that everything was lead by god like in a movie Im the only one that can be awake. The choice of you retaining this physical dream form was already made by you!!!!!!!! Because giving an appearance of other is less suffering then being there because there is nobody but you. Because you're infinitely intelligent you are already trying to give yourself the best life. In that infinite state, there is only seperarion between your thought and nothingness.

With exceptions, people do best happiness and longevity wise in community. With lots of laughing together, hugs, touches and casual chats. This goes for all genders. To me it seems very strange that once you realise you don't need anybody to be happy, which is all well and good, you would then use that as a reason to not want to be with anybody. That indicates some sort of shadow to me. What's wrong with people? Why prefer to not have them around? If you can be blissful on your own, it should be even more blissful to share that energy and spread it around. It's unnatural in my opinion. I believe there's reasons to want to spend some years alone which are natural (seeking wisdom, healing from something, going through an awakening process of some sort), but a healed, balanced person will eventually prefer community because why not. That doesn't mean the same community they grew up in, of course. Like minded people. What is common is for masculinity to seek nothingness, zoning out, blissful unconsciousness after a day of hard work, and for femininity to seek connection through talking as a way to recharge. I could imagine a masculine soul perpetually stressed, hurt or injured to seek aloneness as a way to recharge. I just don't buy that there is something advanced about it, or that it's cool to not need anybody and therefore not have anybody.

A friend of mine told me last week about a ceremony taking place in our city. I say Ok. During the week I had moments where I almost cancel. I researched, maybe too much. Heard too many fucked up stories… but at the end of the day I wanted to know what was on the other side. And I wanted to develop spiritually. I am doing the work and felt the right time to try it. Had tried mdma, shrooms in low dose, and lsd in low dose; so this was a huge leap. But I trust the friend who told me about the ceremony and the shaman. - I arrive to the place, we sat (my friend, 3 friends of him, and me), and the shaman explains how the ceremony will go. First we took rapé. Super uncofortable to take (you can check some youtube videos how is taken). Not fun. But I started having great sensations throughout my body, feeling my hands and feet vibrating lightly, like energy moving through my body. (10 seconds after the girl in my left took the rapé, she had a kundalini awakening. Holy shit, never saw one live before). Then we did holotrpic breathing. Also first time doing it, and at the end my body was shaking, specially my legs, belly and hands. Pretty cool. The energy was mostly on my body. Almost no thinking. So no fear, just some tension for what was coming. And then, she changed the music, more strong shamanic music, move in front of one of the guys and prepared the pipe. I was feeling pretty good. I could go home at that moment and it would have been a great experience, but that was just the foreplay. Now the fucking was coming. We could have 4 trips/takes each one of us throughout the evening. The first one I didnt smoke properly and didnt felt nothing. Probably was fear. Didnt want to get to hyperspace the first time. So I waited 5 mins, and call the shaman again. 1st REAL TAKE: Now I took 2 big hits, and the pipe started moving like a snake. And baaam, I was gone. Reality collapsed (now I understand the meaning of this). The first thing I saw? A warm and welcoming feminine voice whispering me: ‘Follow me’, doing a ‘come here motion' with a finger. I felt like Gaia herself was welcoming into this new universe of her. The visual I saw was something like this: So I said 'Yes' and started following her through a labyrinth in space. (my mantra was 'yes' for the whole evening. Thats the best tip I heard for dealing with potential challenging situations. Just say yes to whatever is offer to you and go there. The next thing I notice was the change in the music. A few seconds in I couldnt tell the difference between the ‘real’ music and what I was hearing. In a moment everything went silent and I heard my girlfriend crying like she was right beside me. WOW. (the freaky thing is that I told her about this after the ceremony, and she told that that afternoon she cryed. And it was around the same time I was having this first trip. Coincidence? Maybe…) Then a lot of visuals, fractals, and the labyrinth in another dimension. After the trip, I felt great. I definitely went in, but I realized that it was fun, so probably I didnt took enough. So for the 2nd TAKE, I took 3 hits, and baaam. Out. More visuals, I was navigating thru this labyrinthine portals, and then I felt the Infinite. In that moment, I tensed a little bit. I had the feeling that maybe I could not get out of there. And time seemed like it wasn't moving. Then if felt like the medicine thought: 'oh, you dont like infinity? So take a look at Nothingness.' And everything went quiet (while obviously the music was still playing). Silence. And the visuals started fading, until it was nothing. All black and a huge infinite cone of darkness. The Void. Damn. I tensed a little again. I went from Infinity to Nothingness in seconds. Then during the come down, I was so grateful and happy. My hands and feet were very cold so I laid in fetus position feeling the love and the warmth of my body. I was enjoying the touch and sound of the pillow under my head so much. The music and the atmosphere was so great, that I really didnt want the last take. I felt that was enough. Unvelievable experience. But I took it anyways. 3rd TAKE: 2 hits and I felt like it was already in a familiar place. I though: 'Im here again' A warm and loving feminine energy moved me around like a leaf in the wind showing me her universe. This time I dont remember a lot of visuals, it was more of a bodily feeling. But in realty felt like I had no body. I didnt feel my arms. Then I realized that I had them in the air moving them like an orchestra director, like they were lifted with some strings like a puppet, and at the same time, I felt them touching the floor. Difficult to explain. Also I had a feeling that the shaman was by my side holding me, but I couldnt tell if it was real or part of the trip. The great thing about this take was the come down. I knew it was the last one and relaxed completely. A shamanic song was repeating: ‘Amor amor…’ (love, love) And thought of my family. I felt the love. I wanted to call my sister and hug her. I thought that everyone should try this, and when this ceremonies were a normal thing in society, maybe when we reach stage turquoise… we can have a chance of world peace, of paradise in Earth. Then the Gladiator theme song came. Is not a song that I like that much, but it brought tears to my eyes. I understood the value of great art. I felt that great art and love were the only important things in life. I understood how fucked up stage orange is, and how underdevelop we are as a society (but at the same time I felt grateful for being born in a develop part of the world where I can be part this type of experiences). After this last take, all 5 of us sat and talk with the shaman to help us integrate the experience. ----- Overall it was an unbelievable experience. The first few seconds when everything collapsed... WOW I felt so welcome in what appear to be a universe of loving feminine energy, especially the first time when what clearly felt the representation of Gaia told me to follow her… damn. Hearing my girlfriend crying, having a taste of Infinity, Nothingness and the Void... I understood the hype with DMT, bufo and ayahuasca. My fist intention was to take not too big of a dose this first time. I thought that there was no reason to hurry because I plan to do more ceremonies. But Im happy that I went in. I know I can go deeper. Sure. But for the first time... unbelievable So greatful.

Are you the Creator's Minister of Human Affairs? @PeaceOut96 I don't take what Christianity preaches about death as truth. I also don't take Leo's as truth. It's sensible to believe that death is simply going back the state before you were born. It's sounds crazy but somehow a part of me existed before I was born. That part of me remembers the experience before I was born. So, I know death is nothingness and peace. Death is good, not bad. It is heaven in that way.

@julienw I can confirm, because I felt after some time of listening, it's one of those 'lost in semantics' podcasts. I feel that Leo, and very few sages in the world, really understands how tricky this work can be. I was optimistic that maybe it would be good if Lex Fridman and Leo could talk, but I don't think that it would be productive. I even think it would be like the Kanye and Lex Fridman episode, and I can already see how he would be so triggered and defensive by Leo's revelation. Who wouldn't, especially if you're a Scientist/computer nerd into the human braun, being told that the brain doesn't exists, and that you're GOD and INFINITY IS EVERYTHING, or if Leo tones it done, you are NOTHINGNESS, or not real at all. Yeah, I can see how radical levels of open mindedness and wisdom is needed, that whicb Lex unfortunately has little of, despite him saying how'd he'd love more and so on.

Hey @Ninja_pig! I hope you're holding in there okay! I know this stuff can be really challenging - I experienced something very similar over the past year and I'd love to share what it was like for me and how I've been finding my way out. I hope it's helpful to hear my story! I'll try to keep it as short as possible, but I know this is gonna be a bit of a long one Leading up to June 2022, I had done a substantial amount of spiritual work and I felt like I was on the cusp of something. I had some intense psychedelic experiences, meditated rigorously, and even popped into short non-dual states. But in all those years of spiritual work, I was still under the materialist paradigm and the illusion of a material universe. Sometime in June 2022, I took around 300 ug of LSD on a lazy Saturday. I had already tried 4.5 g of mushrooms and some NN DMT, so it's safe to say that I wasn't expecting that LSD trip to rock my world. But at some point during the trip, I fell into divine love and unity. I was writhing around in tears of pure bliss and had the realization that there is no physical world... there is only beautiful, loving consciousness made of nothing dancing in nothingness The realization had been building over years, but it snapped during that trip and cracked me wide open. It was the most beautiful experience of my life up until that point. ...and then I started to come down lmfao. There was a HUGE discrepancy between the love and truth that I experienced during that trip and what I experienced on a day-to-day basis during that time, and because of that, it threatened my ego BIG TIME when it came back online. It was essentially a massive episode of ego backlash immediately after my most ego-less experience! Leo has a great video about ego backlash. The way I understand it is that following an experience of love and truth, my ego was so threatened that it had to lash out with fear and delusion in order to stay alive... so it threw my worst fear in my face: Nihilism! All of a sudden, I started experiencing violent intrusive thoughts. I was so caught off guard because of what a beautiful experience I had just had on the LSD that I didn't even see it coming! But I was pummelled night and day with questions like "If God is whole and complete and you don't exist as a separate self, why stay alive?". Ultimately, these were fearful questions that had been in the back of my mind during my whole spiritual journey, and I believe that my ego used these as a last stand to fight against the experience of God realization that I was having. I felt existential dread every day for months, but I had this intuitive sense that the only way out was through. So I continued meditating intensely, reading, and of course, watching some lovely Leo videos to figure out what was going on. And the last time I tripped, I had a breakthrough! I realized that this fear, nihilism, existential dread, and even loneliness only happen in the human mind through ego-centric thoughts. In my most loving and truthful states after a deep meditation, there are no thoughts about that kind of shit... in fact, there aren't many thoughts at all. My mistake in dealing with my ego backlash was that I tried to fight my fearful thoughts with more thoughts! I thought there was a LOGICAL way out of it. But God isn't lonely, depressed, or nihilistic. God is love. And God doesn't need some external reason to exist. The point is itself! So anyway! Instead of engaging these ego backlash thoughts, I just do my best to love them and drop them. I get present and relax into the nonduality instead of going through thought loops about it! Because without the petty shit that my ego mind throws, there is no nihilism. There's just God! And nothing else. And now I'm back to crying my eyes out on the floor over the beauty of God! Full circle lol. Some helpful techniques include Vipassana meditation (or any meditation really), Leo's Satisfaction meditation, Metta meditation, and lighter, silly things that help me out of my head and into presence/love (watching standup comedy, appreciating some nature, laughing with friends). I hope you can gain something from hearing about my pitfalls and successes here @Ninja_pig! I apologize for the long post - this is just a topic near and dear to my heart and I wish you the best of luck working through it. It's been a beautiful milestone on my journey and I know it is for you too Also shoutout to my boi @Leo Gura the spiritual goat - thanks for helping me to realize nothing heheheee

Yes! It’s amazing! I learned the technique from a guy on Jedi Academy. All you do is visualize a crystal pyramid in a desert. Visualize it clearly and hold it. Then, watch it fade into nothingness.

@vibvExactly but you make a mistake thinking there is truth, there is not. Within the illusion of god there are only perspectives, at high level of consciousness you start even understanding that those perspectives are an illusion or nothingness within god. The only truth is the beingness of god within you

This report is from the very first time i did lsd back in december 2016 i think i did write it on the forum but the server crashed and all the old posts got deleted. I'd heard countless stories of the amazing ability of lsd how it can open you up to move past emotional blockages and have divine insight into the nature of self and reality. I took 200ug but my brain is especially sensitive to psychedelics due to a build up of cerebal spinal fluid. I'd done mushrooms before and that taught me what it was like to be free from identity and how nothing was needed from life when free from it. LSD was much stronger than that for me. 90 mins after i took it, my sense of physical reality broke down a vortex of swirling colourscapes and patterns, filled my experience. My experience was centerless as I couldn't point out where i was in this vortex or where this vortex was located as it overlayed my room, it felt like a different reality even though i could still see the room i was. My sense of self hadn't gone yet, stories were still present in this vortrex as sense of self is in the stories and not the recognising the body. for the next 90 mins I was sucked into the hellscape of the mind, I faced my darkest fears. There was a realisation that the ego was using its desire for sex to feel worthy and my desperation for it was really a desire to feel , whole and complete, not a loser and a failure of a human being. I felt like my whole identity had opened up and the whole world knew my vulnerabilities and horrible thoughts of wanting to hurt people from being pushed out of society. The ego desperately tried to run away, it didnt want to be caught, it did this by lashing out and believing it could still hold on to fighting to be a worthy a human being that would get its attainments to be complete. Leos voice then popped into my thought stream. "the ego is like a convict on trial trying to desperately to survive, he knows hes going to jail" ( something to that extent this was 6 years ago) What I can describe happened next was awareness became very meta, it felt like it was closing in on itself, so the outside was on the inside and vice versa. I then felt a VERY strange sense of deja vu, its like a remembering of something so familiar as its a recognition of whats always been the case, awareness that without content or objectivity. I open up the actualised forum and looked at leos profile, he face was flashy psychedelic colours, and a thought popped in my awareness as if i was talking to Leo and it said "you dont need me for answers , just look inside of you". I stared at his pic as I was look at his pic it was if it was piercing my soul and saw right through me. I laid up in my bed in absolute shock as my sense of being in a body evaporated , the mind was completely empty and no longer had a sense of location. " WOAH wait a minute...... is this it......? is this enlightenment???? " Leos pic just continued to stare into my soul as if to say "yep thats right, welcome to the dead end" THEN EVERYTHING BECAME CLEAR "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ENLIGHTENMENT MEANS I DONT EXIST" i said out loud. a thought then appeared in my awareness, now with this thought there was no longer a sense of me being a thinker, thinking thoughts, it was just like a thought appearing out of nothingness. the thought said " Dont you see.... it was only YOU here...... all this time., CMON MAN how did you think this was going to end??, did you really think you could hold onto your precious self" In that moment everything was perfect, this was the deepest peace I didnt think was possible to exist it was like 1000 stronger than mdma peace. It was as if someone got a vial of liquid peace and injected it into my veins, it started at the top of my body then permeated through the rest of it. It would be fascinated to know what physiological changes were happening to my body and what chemicals were released. I laid back in my bed and Shiva appeared and started to laugh , I replied so "I'm the cosmic joke". Within a couple of hours the effects of the drug wore off, the metaness of experience started to devolve and the ego returned trying to make sense of it all, it was really strange looking at my family the next day it was if i could see through them like they were a hologram within consciousness and they were spinning stories to make the me feel real. When physicalism is seen through everything is of the same substance which is nothing, consciousness cant be something because then it would need another thing to justify its existence, God is nothingness.

@Siedah tell your friend that the last time a total opening to the absolute happened, I had to face absolute nothingness four times in a row. Two one day, two the next. Absolute nothingness is horrible beyond imagination. nothing exists, only infinite emptiness. That's what you are, empty infinite dead. absolute death. This is an absolutely negative experience and staying there can scar you, traumatize. You have to have faith. you are. and that's it. you are, that's the key. the fourth time that the absolute nothing occurred, the revelation happened. There is nothing here that can be explained. without knowing how I saw myself standing up with my arms outstretched to the ceiling. the opening was complete. the inexplicable. absolute. the end of all search. the bottomless. life. freedom. I. what I am. Hallelujah.

@Siedah that out of the nothingness has happened to me many times and it is extremely horrible. You are not there, it is infinite, empty, absolute and dead nothingness. very traumatic. This nothing is the last frontier. you have to go through it. When this happens, I immediately go back to taking a high, maximum dose. you return to nothingness, but nothingness opens. you are the absolute infinity. there are no words. Hallelujah. it is the whole reality. Atomic bomb. Enlightenment. tell your friend to go beyond there or she will have a lifelong trauma, nothingness is horrible

Had a second toad trip yesterday after 9 months! This time, I took a dear friend with me as well . Since this is not a trip report i won't go into detail of my experience, however, just to give a bit of a concept, here are some of the things I became aware of; I realized I was imagining it all, I realized I was the only thing as well as the only thing imagining it all and that there would be absolutely no difference between staring at a wall for 10 hours or working in an office job for 1o hours. Its all the same... Letting go of my self was ofcourse tough, its almost like a separation pain from the body. The pain is not physical, is not emotional, some inexplainable meta pain as most of you may have expereinced as you realise you cant hold it anymore, you have to let your ego go... Then I found what I would like to call Nirvana, It was so beautiful, full of love that i no longer cared about my physical body, infact i forgot about it completely until my mind started coming online. I didnt care if i actually died or not.. and of course it wasnt me as the ego self in Nirvana, It was "the being" that was there .. I could have stayed there in the Nirvana for eternity and nothing could be more beautiful. I came around slowly and cried and wept for a half an hour at the beauty and the immense appreciation of how perfectly normal this life felt and how intense the other thing was because i had to slip back into my human costume in order to make sense of it all! Then my friend went for it first ever time, and she had a really rough time letting go, cried, screamed, and freaked out. She couldn't let go of her ego, never found Nirvana, and just saw nothingness.. And it was awful for her, she is proper traumatised at this stage, pretty much convinced she has lost her mind.. :-( She keeps crying and saying "there is nothing, it's all a dream, I am dreaming this and nothing matters. So the final part of this essay :-) ; i started wondering, is hers real awakening and mine is not? is there something wrong with me just being able to let go easy and not think it s a big deal that there is nothing but me and that this is all a dream..I have been dreaming all this including this essay. :-) Have I not gone deep enough.. How can I just bounce back to my duality and act like all this knowledge doesn't feel heavy to hold? In short, I guess, does real awakening only come with trauma, am i missing something? Thank you in advance for any of you who may read and respond :-)

That’s exactly what was pointing out. You didn’t get what I was trying to explain, read it again ?. In fact there is nothing but the void, it just appears as something else. The void = the self= nothingness=consciousness =magic But still all these words are very limited. I used to think that the void is something to experience as though it’s somehow outside of my experience. It’s not.

@Vlad_ Reading you, I would say that you have not yet crossed the last barrier. the absolute void in which there is no self, nothingness, which opens and the absolute total infinity manifests itself. Hallelujah. you fall on your knees crying and finally, you see. full understanding. the whole plenitude. complete freedom. You will never say again, I am this or that. is infinity. it is unthinkable, inconceivable. your mind does not encompass it and does not understand it either. your heart is filled with it and that's it. hallelujah brother, the glass that was empty has been filled. the infinite source from which endless pure love flows has manifested. And that's it, all that about others, me, etc., are little conceptual nonsense. infinite. and that's it

We all know the I-am-god-ama's. But what if we turn it around? Let's ask the inverted unconscious figments of gods mind to answer all of its questions Realize that only apparently this text is appearing in front of you. There is no you seperate from what's happening but it seems as real as the idea that there is a universe full of people reading your response. Everyone that writes anything is just your inverted unconscious, presented as the reflection of an empty silver plate. The truth always gets presented on a silver plate - ever emtpy. So whatever anyone writes, either it is helping god to hide or helping god to seek itself. But of course, nothing will help god to finally find itself since this is impossible thanks to god. No worries, it's like windy words written in stormy water, transient pointers to nowhere. Once the need to help and the need to be helped evaporates in the gracious gaze of nothing, god may see the truth clearly - the infinite abyss of nothingness reflected in everything. So here you are, god! Why don't you participate in an one-on-one with yourself and give all the answers to yourself?! Try it, question, answer, write whatever personal or impersonal texts that may awaken another facet of your half-dead mind. But take the role of a bold, unrestrained, direct, immediate, super-intelligent, brave, high risk-taking god that is completely convinced that whatever answer it writes is deeply interconnected with its question and vice versa on an energetic level which is only superficially understood by your mind. Be conscious that it just touches the right heart at the right moment - only apparently of course. It may feel real As an illusory player But you can't break the seal When there's a prey for your next prayer. Don't hope for more Why asking others to confirm "Is the far shore Just an illusory concern?" Constraint and bound Sometimes arises Just like a sound Out of the silence. Just chill your balls And see what calls You to write whatever the fuck you insantaniously feel the urge to spit out. Why am I still deluding myself? Will there ever be an end to suffering when it apparently exists? Or is the idea of an end of suffering the suffering and pain is just paining by itself? Are there cheatcodes/magic-pills/short-cuts in life or is the best short-cut to not use any short-cuts?